04x03 - George of the Rings

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, daddy.
Hey, honey.

So, where you taking mom
to dinner tonight?

Why am I taking mom
to dinner?

Wait, what did I do wrong?

Did I miss something?

You don't know?

Let's see...

Valentine's day
is after the super bowl.

Angie's birthday
is in the summer

because last time I forgot
she yelled at me

and it was still
light out after dinner.

There's nothing
in November.

That's my birthday.

Right.

That only leaves...

Oh crap,
our anniversary!

I got nothing.

"Dear honey,

"it's January
as I write this,

"but I couldn't wait to tell you
I love you so much.

"Angie is more
than a name to me.

"'A' is for..."

"'A' is for the awesome things
that you do."

Dad, that's so lame.
Can't you be romantic for once?

She's gonna be down here any
second, what do you got?

Your love is the air
that I breath.

You sustain my heart
and give me life.

Your love is...

"'N' is for the nice things
that you do.

"'G' is for the...

Great way I feel
when you do nice things."

"'I'..."

All right,
you do "i".

"'E' is for everything else
that you do," huh?

What are you hiding?

Just a little surprise
for you...

My love.

Happy anniversary, ange.

That's just the morning present.
There's more to come.

You remembered!

Yes, I did!

And I'm taking you
somewhere special tonight.

I don't want to tell you where
'cause you know how people

get bumped at those
trendy restaurants,

and then just end up going
wherever they can get in.

You forgot the "i".

No I didn't,

because there's
no "i" in "us."

Happy anniversary,
an-- "ange."

Well, I have a surprise
for you, too.

Your favorite --

double chocolate
fudge cake.

Happy anniversary.

This...

This is...

This is different.

Since you forgot our anniversary
three days ago...

...i forgot
how to make cake.

You're eating dirt,
vinegar, and a moth.

Angie, I'm sorry.

Angie...
Angie...

You set me up.

Okay.

You can either get mad, or
we can get smart about this.

For 20 bucks, I'll tell you
the next time

mom's going
to mess with you.

Nice try,
but I think I got this.

How was the tuna milk?

I'm in.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

Ernie, I see your 20
and raise you 20.

It's not your night,
Benny.

I saw Tori spelling wearing
sunglasses on "celebrity poker"

and it gave me an idea.

Now you don't know
if I have a good hand or not.

You have three eights,
and I have a straight.

I win.

She's a witch!

And you're an idiot wearing
mirrored sunglasses.

That hand is dead.
Your deal.

George?

I'm sorry.

I keep thinking about how
I screwed up my anniversary.

In my 40 years
with Angie's mother,

I never once forgot
an anniversary.

Even now that we are divorced,
I still remember.

This year,

I had my nurse
take a pint of my blood,

and I sent it to her
with a card that said,

"how much more of me
do you want to suck out,

you cheating vampire?!"

I laughed and laughed,
ha ha ha,

then I passed out.

Hey, guys.

Sandwiches, anyone?

That one's yours, no Mayo.

I didn't do anything
to it.

I know that.
I trust you.

I'm not mad at you anymore.
It's just not worth it.

Maybe it'd be easier

if we just didn't celebrate
our anniversary.

That way, I won't be
disappointed.

This is worse
than when she's mad.

She's just given up on me.

Well, I gotta
make up for this.

I gotta make up for 17 years
of forgetting things.

I know what
I'm gonna do.

When we got married,

I couldn't afford a decent ring,
and now I can.

I'm going to buy her
the diamond of her dreams

because I'm the luckiest man
in the world.

I mean...

I could be divorced.

She could've
walked out on me.

I could've never met a woman

and spend
the rest of my life alone.

Broken.

How many people
get to go home every night

to someone who loves them?

God, I'm blessed!

I had a long marriage and three
wonderful children.

I don't need a man
to make me happy.

I'm fine, too.

Crazy eights, anyone?

Can I help you?

Yeah,
my wife's coming down,

and I want to surprise her
with a new ring.

One that says, "I love you and
there's nothing in the world

I wouldn't do for you."

And it's got to say that
for less than $2,000.

It's hard to find a talking ring
under $5,000.

Under 2, they just
kind of whisper,

"I'm tiny. Don't hurt me."

You wanna make
a sale or not?

I'm sure we can find
a diamond your wife loves

in your price range.

Everything in this case
is under $2,000.

Perfect!

George?
What are you doing in here?

You said we were having lunch
at the pretzel express.

I'm sorry about our
anniversary, and I want
to make it up to you.

I want you to have the
ring you should've had
when we got married.

George, you don't have
to do this.

I want to do it.

I was planning on doing
something really special

for our 20th anniversary,
but you deserve it now.

I know our marriage was never
based on expensive gifts,

but it doesn't hurt.

Sir, if it's possible,

I want you to try
to find this lady a diamond

as beautiful and flawless
as she is.

Well, if you step over
to this case,

I'm sure we'll find exactly
what you're looking for.

They're all so beautiful.

How much is that one?

No!

We're not talking prices.
Just pick one out you like.

And, of course,
we have others.

George, I really like
this one here.

I -- I don't know, Angie,

that doesn't look as sparkly
as the ones in this case.

They don't?

Wow!

That is the most beautiful ring
I've ever seen!

D-Does -- does this one
light up?

There's a lot of good rings
in here we can't see, Angie.

George...

This is it.

How much?

$7,000.

Forget it.
No, no way.

Honey, all I really
wanted to know

was that you
appreciate me.

And every day
when I look at this,

I'll know that you do.

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you!

You're welcome.

I'm gonna take care
of this, okay?

I'll meet you
at the pretzel place.

Still got that coupon?

I'm assuming layaway?

Why are you
assuming layaway?

Because I'm chicano
that I can't afford a ring?

I see the way that security
guard's been looking at me.

Man, I'm so offended.

I might not even
buy that ring!

I might come back here,
I might not!

You don't know me!

Well, we can only
hold the ring until Sunday.

Then you know what
I'm doing on Saturday?

Garage sale, my house.
Tell your friends.

Good stuff -- y2k t-shirts,
santana tapes, lemonade...

Okay, if I sell my tools
and my golf clubs...

That'll give me
a few grand.

But I still need four more
to get the ring.

If you can't afford
to buy mom the ring,

why don't you just
tell her the truth?

Max...

Someday you'll
meet a woman.

And you'll disappoint her and
you'll lie and you'll feel bad,

and that's how you know
it's love.

Now say goodbye to your bike,
and go do your homework.

Hey, greatest husband
in the world!

Did you pick up
the ring?

Uh, no,
I'm getting it engraved.

You're getting it
engraved?

I just got you
a raiders Jersey.

Now I gotta go out and get you
something really extravagant.

No, no, no,
no, no.

You know what
I really want, Angie?

Is for you to be happy
in your career.

So, if you want to work more
hours or get a second job,

that would be great.

Vic!
Huh?

Hold up.

Hey, man, I know you're having
trouble with your game.

How would you like
my lucky putter?

I cannot just take your lucky
putter, George, come on.

You're right.
Give me $1,000.

$1,000?
What's going on?

Money problems again?

Angie picked out this ring
I can't afford,

and she thinks I'm going
to get it for her.

George, a ring
means nothing.

I gave my wife
a 3-karat stone,

but that didn't stop her
from cheating on me.

She even threw the ring
at me during counseling

when I called her a
mattress-hopping, wh*re frog.

In Spanish,
that is devastating.

It's horrible when
a marriage falls apart.

Hey, did you
keep that ring?

I'm gonna use it to scratch
"fornicator" on her coffin.

So the devil knows
which line to put her in.

That ring obviously has a lot
of bad memories for you,

but if you gave it to me,
and I give it to Angie,

that would make
your daughter happy.

That would make
a good memory.

But, she would know
it's her mother's ring.

No, no, she won't.

I'll take the stone --
I'll put it in a new setting.

Hey, hey, hey,
when we got married,

we couldn't afford a decent
wedding, and you didn't help us.

This would make up for that
a hundred times over.

Okay, George, because it will
make my daughter happy,

I will give you the ring.

Oh, man, thanks Vic.
This means a lot to me.

And, I will take the putter,

your table saw,
and your power drill.

Deal.

I'm not finished.

What size shoe are you?

Happy anniversary!

Oh!

The ring's here,
isn't it?

Where is it?

You hid it.
I know you hid it.

I bet it's in
one of the muffins.

Those are just muffins.

I'm kind of scared
to tell you

the ring's in my
front pocket.

It's more beautiful
than I remember.

George...

This diamond's bigger.

Yes, it is.

For once, I wanted
to give you more than
what you asked for.

I'll get you
some more muffins.

Change of plans.
Don't give her the ring.

What?
I just gave it to her.

What do you think this
was about, that shirt?

You got me this
for Christmas.

What's going on?

Well, last night I did
something very stupid.

I went to happy hour
at Baja beach,

and, you know, they got
those giant margaritas.

Get to the point.

Well, I was drunk.

So, I called
Angie's mother

and told her I gave her diamond
to a younger woman.

What?!

The whole bar cheered
for me, man.

"wh*re frog, wh*re frog,
wh*re frog."

Vic!

I'm sorry, George.

Legally, the ring is hers
from the settlement,

and she demanded it back.

No, man,
the ring is Angie's now.

Tell emelina you lost it --
that someone stole it.

If I don't get that ring
back to emelina,

I will have
to pay her $30,000.

Good, you stayed calm.
You came up with a solution.

I have no choice.

If you don't tell her,
I will have to.

Daddy, you have to see
the ring George got me.

Hey!

Let me see it
in the light.

Oh, this is beautiful.

I will take it to get
insured immediately.

I just hope I don't
get robbed on the way.

No! Now, daddy,
I just put it on.

Look, you got
a big smudge on it.

I'll clean it, honey.

The guy in the store said just
a little soap and warm water

brings out the natural shine
from the center of the --

What?

Oh, my god.

The ring went down
the drain, Angie,

it'll go down
into the sewer!

Get the ring!

The ring's gone.

Angie, if only you had
listened to your father

and gotten the insurance!

Ay dios mio!

Emelina's going to k*ll me,
you stupid, stupid man!

What are you talking about?

I gave George the stone
from your mother's ring,

and now she wants it back.

George?

The ring was in the trap
under the sink.

I was gonna
get it later!

Oh, that would have been
a good plan.

You always find a way,
don't you?

Look, Angie,
I wanted to get you a ring,

I just couldn't afford
the one you liked.

Then why couldn't you
just tell me that?

All I ever wanted
for our anniversary

was a small gesture that says
you still feel about me now

the way you did
when we first got married.

Maybe we can
still do that, Angie.

We could

Renew...Our...Vows.

Did you just say

what I think you said?

Yes.

Let's renew our vows.

I want you to have the wedding
you always wanted.

That would be wonderful.

We could
write our own vows.

And finally take
those dance lessons.

We could have doves.

I always wanted doves.

Hi, mom.

Oh, I can't believe you.

What?

Angie told me everything.

You're such a wimp.

Now, you're
gonna renew your vows.

Isn't it going
to be confusing

with both of you
in wedding dresses?

Well, mom, maybe sometimes
I'm not too smart, huh?

Double chocolate
fudge cake?

Great, you're baking now.

Sure, why not.

Enjoy!

Not bad.

She must have made
a different cake.

I gotcha!

Yeah, but you ate some, too.

George, I've been smoking
for 30 years.

Everything
tastes like dirt.