04x09 - E.I.? E.I. OH

[bunniefuu]

What's this?
I didn't order a new desk.

This is beautiful.

Hey, it's got to be
from the powers brothers.

But why would they give me
a new desk?

Hey, there's my guy.

Oh, sh**t, this wasn't
supposed to come

till after I made
the big announcement.

All right, come on,
everybody should hear this.

Hey, new desk,
big announcement.

You know what this means!

Yeah, somebody important's
missing their desk.

No, they're finally gonna
make me vice president.

All right, George!

That's right!

Check out my v.P. Walk.
Wa-cha!

Listen up, people,
I have some very big news.

This is something that's been
a very long time in coming.

Jack, I want you to know
I don't care how long it took,

I'm just happy you finally
made the right decision.

Hello.

We're merging with aerocorp.

Hey, Jack,
this merger thing

is kind of stealing
my v.P. Thunder.

You're not v.P., George,

but you can be president
of crazy ideas.

How can we merge
with aerocorp, Jack?

You always said that
they were a heartless,

soulless corporation,

and we were never
gonna be like that.

And we are not
gonna be like that.

We're just gonna be working
with people like that.

You should be very happy.

So let's celebrate.

Hey, Jack, what does --

what does this
merger thing mean?

This is very good for you,
George.

You'll be managing
a larger division

with more responsibilities.

In fact,
you may need a co-manager.

How would you feel
about that?

I'd hate it.

I don't want to have to deal
with another person

on every decision I make.

All right, well, let me
try that a different way.

Great news, George!
You have a co-manager!

Come on in.
I want you to meet her.

Hey, who's that?

Don't worry
about who that is, okay?

Why don't you just
find the end of a pencil

and hop on it, troll?

I don't want to make my
co-manager feel uncomfortable,

but I'm really gonna need
a little more room for my desk.

Oh, perfect -- you!
Could you move this for me?

Uh, move-ay El desk-o...

Por favor?

I don't know, seã‘ora.

My back, it hurts.
I got espasmo, espasmo!

If I had one of my nine kids,
maybe, pero no.

The desk is too heavy.
AI, dios!

I go back to the cactus,
wa-cha.

Vanessa, this is George Lopez.
He's your co-manager.

Oh!

Okay,
why don't we start over.

Vanessa Brooks.

Watch out, George.

She's an mba, a cpa,

the youngest manager
in aerocorp history,

and smart as a whip.

Hey, tell her about me,
Jack.

Well, George worked on a lathe
for 15 years

and was recently named
president of crazy ideas.

Wa-cha!

So, Vanessa, why don't I show
you the rest of the plant.

You two can catch up later.
Great.

Did you hear?

Yeah.

There's no way
this is gonna work out.

It'll be okay.
You know what?

In a couple of weeks
she'll outsmart you,

break your spirit,
and end up wearing a necklace

made of your huevos.

You don't know that.

I'm just basing it
on your marriage.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

There you are!

I am so proud of you.

What's going on?

Your mom told me
they made you v.P.!

Did you do your v.P. Walk?

Mom!

Angie, I forgot
to finish the story.

He just thought
he was gonna be the v.P.

The truth is Jack stuck him
with a co-manager

who will probably take his job
from him by the end of the week.

George,
what's she talking about?

You're not really gonna
lose your job, are you?

Benita, darling,
am I glad to see you.

It's been a hell of a day.

Oh, how was
your aunt's funeral?

Awesome! I got the house!

Why'd she leave it to you?

She didn't have any kids,
my brother's in prison,

and I made the last
nursing home visit.

The house is too big
for one man, benita.

Then get another man.

I'm not moving in with you,
Randy.

Don't say "no"
till you've seen the house.

Now --

You know what?

No, no, it doesn't matter
how big the house is.

I am not giving up
my independence,

especially not for the man
who left me at the altar.

I'll date him, I'll do him,
but living together is out.

I'm worried
about this woman, Angie.

She's this mba hotshot
they hired right out of college.

I mean,
I spent the day with her.

She's smart, she's clever.

I've never had to deal
with a woman like this!

So, you're telling me

you've never had to deal
with a woman

this smart or this clever?

Never!

Well, that was clever.
Thank you.

So, this woman is smart.
So what?

What makes you think
she's a threat?

Look, nobody's
who's been a manager

wants to be a co-manager,
Angie.

I mean, think about it.
How'd you like to be a co-wife?

If she'd just clean the toilets,
it would be wonderful.

You're not listening here.
I got a problem, all right?

I can tell this woman
is a shark!

You know what I got to do?

I got to get her
before she gets me.

And I'll be fast, too.
She won't even see me coming.

I'll be like a ninja fish.

I'll be floating like that,
and then -- wa-cha!

I don't even know
if they have those,

but we wouldn't know
if they did, would we?

Before you go all ninja fish

and guarantee that
she becomes an enemy,

why don't we have her
over for dinner

and see what
she's really like?

That's a good idea.
We can get her drunk...

And we can find
her weakness.

She'll be like --

More wine?

Oh, no, thank you.

Two glasses is my limit.

It's too late.

Hey, we have an old tradition
here in the Lopez house.

If the bottle ends on you,

you got to confess a lie
that you've told.

Could be a lie to a friend,
the government,

something on your rã©sumã©.

This sounds like the game
we just played with the shrimp.

Whoever gets the last one

has to reveal
if they've ever taken drugs.

Uh, Angie, I think it's time
for that truth-or-dare rum cake.

I think that's enough games.

Max, why don't
you go upstairs

and see if Carmen's
feeling better?

Actually, Max, shouldn't you
be doing your homework now?

Oh, right.

I have to ask
five career women

what they think
their one weakness is

that can be used against them
at work.

That's a good question, Max.

When I started my wedding
planning business,

I thought my one weakness
was marketing.

But listen to this slogan.

Angie's events --
do I plan the best weddings?

I do.

Angie, thank you
for a great dinner.

George,
why don't we talk outside?

Sure, I'll be right there.

Go through her purse!

George.

If you love me, do it!

Sure, I'd like
some ice cream on that rum cake.

I don't have any ice cream!

Well, then take $20 out of
her purse and go buy some!

I know what you're trying
to do in there.

W-W-What are you
talking about?

George, you're not the first guy
to try and get me drunk,

although you are
the first one

to do it in front
of his wife and kid.

Okay, no more games.
Okay, here it is.

I've worked like hell for


and I'm not gonna
let someone just come in

and try to take my job.

Look, I know they kind of forced
me on you at the factory,

but I'm not trying
to take your job.

George, if anything,
I need you

because you know
how the plant runs.

And you need me to deal
with the corporate politics.

Look, I know all about
the corporate politics, okay?

I know everything that's
going on in this company.

Did you know that aerocorp
wants to cut 20 jobs

from powers brothers
immediately?

They never tell me nothing!

And that includes your mom
and your friend, Ernie cardenas.

Okay, no way, all right?

I'm not losing any of
my workers, all right?

This is just some knee-jerk
reaction to cut expenses.

Then we're gonna have to prove
that, you and me together.

We're gonna have
to go over the files

and make a case
for keeping these people.

I'll do whatever it takes
to save those 20 jobs.

Okay.

Oh, now I know why you didn't
invite me over for dinner.

You were scared that
I was gonna embarrass you

in front of
the new co-manager.

Too late.

Did you know that he used
to hide his dirty underwear

in his shoes?

Not now, mom.

I got 19 jobs to save!

Jack, I know aerocorp wants
to fire 20 of our employees.

That is not true!

I hate it
how these rumors

just come out of nowhere!

And these people would spook

like a herd of cattle
if they heard that.

Not that they're cattle --
they're people,

but 20 of them are gonna
get made into hamburger.

No.

Vanessa and I have gone
through these files,

and these 20 people
are indispensable.

We both feel we have to find
somewhere else to make the cuts.

I disagree.

I think that these 20 people
have got to go

if we're gonna balance
this budget.

What?!

Jack, I tried explaining this
to George,

but he's too close
to these people.

George, look, I got aerocorp
breathing down my neck

to make cuts.

Sometimes I think you forget
you're management.

You're still thinking
like you're on the line.

Don't listen to her!
She's a complete liar, Jack!

Jack, I --

I heard she told a r*cist joke
by the water cooler.

Is it the one about the blind
rabbi at the Sushi bar?

'Cause that's mine!

No, she can't do that to me.

You don't come down
to my factory

and make me look like a fool.

I can't believe
Vanessa betrayed you,

and after she had dinner
at our house with our family.

Oh, my god --
I told her my "I do" slogan.

What if she steals it?

Then all is lost.

Thanks to you,
I'm gonna be out of work.

No money,
no health insurance.

There go my dreams
of retirement.

I was gonna spend my last few
years at a Vegas craps table

with a smoke in one hand
and an oxygen tank in the other.

Look, I'll figure
something out, mom, okay?

'Cause you don't
underestimate George Lopez.

They did when they said
I'd never read,

and 12 years later I did.

They said I'd never
make manager,

and 15 years later I did.

So, somewhere
between 12 and 15 years

Vanessa's in a world
of trouble!

Babe, you ready for dinner?

Randy...

I'm ready for a whole lot more
than dinner.

No, no.

I'm talking about something
deeper than that.

Randall McGee,
I want to move in with you.

Really?
Baby, that's great!

What made you
change your mind?

Well, I-I realized that you're
much more important to me

than that job.

Just screw that thing.

I want to share your life,
your home,

your medical and dental.

I can't believe I'm getting
a little homemaker.

So, babe, does this mean
there's gonna be a hot meal

ready for me
when I get off work?

Are you gonna pick it up
on your way home?

They said I'd never
learn fractions,

and nine years later I did!

They said I'd never
pay off the house,

and 32 years from now
I will!



I refinanced, and they tricked
me with fractions.

Come on, Angie, please!
My job's on the line!

Honey, let's think
this thing through.

This woman is smart,
she has degrees,

she has business savvy,
she has unshakable confidence.

You have none of that.

You know what? Let me see
if my head fits in the oven.

What you do have is e.I. --

emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence?

You know what? Keep talking.
I want to hear more.

Let me preheat.

No!

Seriously.

This is your advantage.

You really understand people.

You're a good judge
of character.

You sensed Vanessa was a shark,
and I didn't.

That's emotional
intelligence.

But how is any of that
gonna help me with her?

Tomorrow she's gonna send out
those pink slips.

She just don't care
what's gonna happen to
those people's lives.

Hey,
who's getting pink slips?

Probably me and you both.

Oh, my god!

I can't lose my job!

I'm taking care of my parents!
I have a foster kid now!

What am I gonna do, George?

You're gonna be okay,
Ernie.

You'll find another job,
and do you know why?

Huh?

Because you, my friend,
have emotional intelligence.

Don't just make up crap!
I got bills!

You're late.
What happened?

Bagful of kitties keep floating
to the top of the lake?

There was broken glass
all over my parking space,

and "lying h*"
was painted over my name.

Hey, I didn't have anything
to do with that.

Oh, I know.
It was your mom.

She made me wait
while she finished painting.

I know when to walk away
from a fight,

so if you want to fire
those people then let's do it.

Great.
Pink slips are right here.

Mike abbott's first
on the list.

Mike, you want
to come in here?

Vanessa's got something
to say to you.

Hi, Mike, have a seat.

Listen, Mike, um,
this is never easy,

but when two companies
merge --

whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold, Vanessa.

You know,
let's save Mike the trouble

of going home and explaining it
to his family, all right?

Hang on.

You folks want
to come in here?

George,
what are you doing?

Vanessa, this is Mike's mom,

his wife, Donna, his kids
Justin, Mike, Jr., and Sarah.

I'm this many.

So, Vanessa,
tell Mike and his family

about your idea
to cut costs.

She's gonna save the company
this many.

You know what?
We can just do this later.

It was very nice
to meet you all.

Okay, so a guy with three kids
who's taking care of his mom.

You brought the sob story.

Sob story? Vanessa,
they all have families.

You want a sob story?

Ernie!
Hey!

Get a cargo Van and a couple
of guys and bring your mom in.

Hey, I'll get the flatbed.
She could use some sun.

How many families
am I gonna have to meet?

Well, let's take a look.

Fire 'em.

Oh, that Harry Potter.

What the hell are
the families doing here?

George pulled this stunt
to stop the firings.

I wanted to show her
all the families

that were gonna be affected.

A lot of people.

A lot of lives.

So, is it done?

We don't have to.

We can keep the 20 jobs

if every employee
in this factory

agrees to work longer hours
and take a pay cut.

You are never gonna get
the employees to agree to that.

Never underestimate
George Lopez!

They said I'd never get
the employees to agree to that,

and I did!

That's 12 to 15 years
ahead of schedule.

How the hell did you
pull that off?

'Cause I'm from the line,

and I told them
it had to be done,

and my workers trust me.

I think you can learn a little
something here, Vanessa.

Great work, George.

Oh, h-hold on, Jack.

I don't think we need
two managers around here.

So, it's either me or...

Vanessa.

It's your choice.

Angie, it's over.

Wa-cha -- I won!

I told you!

I was the hero, Angie.

I saved everyone's job,

and you're looking
at the only manager.

What happened to Vanessa?

They yanked her
off the floor

because she had no
people skills, not like me.

"Hello, how are you?"

So, they fired her?
No, they promoted her.

Something about her being
good with numbers

and how that's important
in a vice president.

I mean, sure, I'll be
calling her Mrs. Brooks

when I report to her now,

but every time she signs
my paycheck, Angie,

she'll know
she's paying the winner!

Oh, by the way, I-I-I got
to take a little pay cut,

but it's cool, though, because
I'll be working more hours.

But, George!

Don't take this away
from me!

Sorry I didn't stick around work
to get fired, George.

I don't care
about that job anymore.

I'm in love.

And I got a man
to take care of me.

I saved your job, mom.
I saved all the jobs.

Oh, okay.

Never mind.

You ready to go pick out
some lamps.

I can't live with you!
You're smothering me!

I'm out.