04x18 - George Watcha's Out for Jason

[bunniefuu]

Aah!

George!
That wasn't funny!

And it wasn't funny

when I was on the toilet
last night, either.

Maybe that'll teach you to
close the door from now on.

I did it to Ernie
the whole game,

and it didn't
bother him.

Just let me know
when you're gonna do it!!

All right.

Ernie, I think you hurt
your ears.

Okay, I'll go get
some beers!!

Ernie!

Let him go.
We need beers.

Mom, you missed
an awesome game.

Jason smacked two home runs
and pitched a no-hitter!

I love him.
Whoa, I love him more.

I appreciate the support,
Mr. Lopez,

but when I struck out that guy
in the last inning,

and the team
piled on top of me,

yeah, that's really
just for the players.

Your parents weren't there.

Somebody's got to show you
some love.

Dad, I won second place
in the science fair!

Shh!
I'm talking to Jason!



George!

Your son, Max, came in second
at the science fair!

Oh, hey, I'm just messing
with you, Max.

What was your project?

I predicted what the next step
in man's evolution would be.

h*m* avianus.

We grow wings.

What was in first place,
boiling water?

I'm proud of you, son.
So, when do we get these wings?

'Cause I'm ready right now.

In a thousand years,

when everything's under water
except really tall fruit trees.

Mankind's gonna need wings
to get the food.

Why don't we just use boats?

Hey, I got the trophy.
I ain't givin' it back!

We should go out tonight
and celebrate.

You're right. Max!

While you're in there,
put on some good pants.

We're taking Jason out
in honor of his big day.

Oh, yeah, and for you
to celebrate

that flying h*m* thing.

Actually, Mr. Lopez,

my parents felt bad
about not being at the game,

so they're making dinner
for me and Carmen.

Oh. Well -- oh, hey,
how crazy would it be

for them to set two more places,
for me and Mrs. Lopez?

Pretty crazy.

I know you're really excited
about Jason's baseball career,

but you have a son who
just won at the science fair.

I'm proud of him, Angie,

but it's hard to get excited
about science.

There's no fans,
there's no stats,

there's no hall of fame
for their greatest moments.

They're called museums,
George.

That place we walked through
the giant human heart?

There's a Saturday
I want back.

"This is the aorta."
Wow.

Let's find this guy's rectum

and get the hell out of here.

I think I know
what this is about.

You're going to Jason's games
and cheering him on

because your mom never did that
for you when you were a kid.

Everything with you
has to have deep meaning.

I go to his games
and I pretend he's my kid.

Sometimes I pretend I'm him.
Don't make it complicated.

Well, maybe you should show
some of that interest

in what your kids
are doing.

Do you even know your daughter
set up her own website?

Oh, no!

She's got one of those little
cameras in her room?!

It's poetry, George.

Yeah, maybe to the perverts
on the Internet it's poetry.

But to me, it's just strangers
watching my daughter

bounce around in her pajamas
for $5.99.

It's a website
of her poetry.

What?

Long poem, long poem...

Ugh,
desperate cry for help.

Oh, look, a link to Jason!

Angie, it's the website
for his baseball team.

Listen to what his coach
says about him.

"Jason's leading the team

in e.R.A.
And slugging percentage."

"I can't imagine what kind
of season we'd be having

if he had moved to Switzerland
with his parents."

What?

Jason's parents
moved to Switzerland?

He and Carmen have been having
dinner with them

every Friday night
for the last month.

Or they've been lying,
and they've been alone in
his house all this time!

So...

Jason lied.

Who's your big man on Kansas
now, dad?

It's "campus," Max.

Who's your big man
on campus.

He's the second best
in science?

Get ready to get lapped
by Mexico.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

* the low rider
is a little higher *

Hey, so what are we having
for dinner?

Chicken. I'm throwing another
load in the washer.

Give me that sweatshirt.

What are you guys doing sneaking
around Jason's backyard?

Catching you in a lie!

We know Jason's parents
are in Switzerland.

We know what you've been
doing here for the last month.

Carmen, you promised us
you weren't going to have sex.

Dad, I was doing
Jason's laundry.

When we go home,
we're gonna go to teenslang.Com

and find out what the hell
"doing laundry" means.

Would you guys
stop freaking out?

I'm actually doing his
laundry.

We haven't done
anything wrong.

Then why did you lie?

'Cause I knew you
would freak out

if you found out Jason's parents
were out of town.

Well, what kind of parents

just leave their kid alone
in a house

and then go off
to live in another country?

That can't be legal.

No, it's not.
It's called abandonment.

At least,
that's what the cop said

when he dragged my mom
back from Tijuana.

And made her untie me
from the lemon tree.

I was like that.

Dad, his parents
didn't abandon him.

They're letting him stay here
to finish the baseball season.

But do his parents know
that he's shacking up

with my daughter?

You know what, maybe I should
call 'em and tell 'em.

No, no, I'm not supposed
to have anyone over.

Please, Mr. Lopez,
don't call them.

They'll make me leave.

Mr. Lopez, this is
a really big shot for me.

I mean, scouts are coming.
I could even get drafted.

Oh, my chicken's done.

"Ola, my chicken's done!"

You mean you're cooking
and doing laundry?!

How come you don't
do that at our house?!

Can you believe this,
Angie?

I've never seen
this much granite.

I should have this kitchen.
I deserve this kitchen.

We need more money.

Look, Jason's all alone here.
He needs me to take care of him.

He's not a baby, Carmen.
Let him do it himself.

I cook and clean
for you.

You enjoy it,
and it relaxes you.

Come on, Carmen.
We're leaving.

What?! I'm not leaving!
I just --

yes, we are.
And you know what?

Because you lied,
you can only see Jason

at our house
when we're home.

What?!
That's not even fair!

That's what you get
for lying!

And don't try to sneak over
here, because I'll find you.

I don't care
what kind of security

this rich neighborhood has,
I'll get in.

Wait a minute...
There's a guard gate.

How did you get in?

Like this, watch out.

"Pizza!
Pizza for your family!"

Where's Carmen?

She's at the library.
Yeah?

How do you know she didn't sneak
over to Jason's house?

Because she sent me
a picture of herself

from the library
on her cellphone.

Man, I wish they had these
when I was a kid.

Mom, I would've sent a picture
to social services

of you hitting me.

Oh, come on,
if you couldn't hang on

to your sippy cup
when I smacked you,

what makes you think you
could've held on to a phone?

Guess what?

The judges
at the science fair

disqualified Paula kaplan,
so I'm in first place now!

What happened?

She didn't teach a mouse
to roll over and play dead.

She just put Tequila
in his water bottle.

Whoa, first place!

We should celebrate,
right, George?
Uh, yeah.

You know, Max,
I don't say this enough,

but I'm really proud
of you, son.

So why don't you go upstairs
and put on a nice shirt.

We're gonna take you out
to dinner.

Tonight's all about you.

Yes, finally!

Hello?

Carmen, honey,
slow down.

What happened?

Okay, we'll be right down.

What is it?

Carmen and Jason
just got arrested.

What?! I thought you said
she was at the library!

She lied. There was a party
at Jason's house,

and somebody brought drugs.

Let me see
the camera phone.

Hey, what's that for?

I'm gonna show her what
a hard life of partying does.

Get out!
Get out!

We're here
for Carmen Lopez.

She's already been booked

and sent downtown
for soliciting.

I knew it!
This is all your fault, Angie.

I told you,
thongs lead to prostitution.

I'm sure it's a different
Carmen Lopez.

Our daughter was at a party
you guys broke up.

Okay, give me a minute.

This is it, Angie!

George, calm down.

I'm not gonna calm down!

I'm not joking this time!
I'm gonna k*ll her!

He doesn't mean it,
officer.

He's a law-abiding man.

In fact, whenever there's
a beating on the news,

he always cheers
for your side.

That's right, man.

I'm always happy when
the fat cop shows up

and he's all tired
'cause he had to hop the fence,

and he's...

Man,
that guy swings away.

Thank you, officer.

Drugs, Carmen?!

No, dad, I can explain.
I didn't do any drugs.

Let me guess --
you were at the party,

and the drugs
happened to show up.
Yes.

Is that you talking,
or the monkey on your back?

How many colors do you see?
Huh, junkie?

George, stop it!

George, stop it!

Carmen,
what really happened?

Well, a bunch of guys
from another school came

and started smoking pot,
and then the cops came,

and no one would admit
the drugs were theirs,

so they brought us all in
for questioning.

Okay, sweetheart.
You should've said that.

Now I believe you.

Hurts, don't it,
junkie?!

George!

Angie,
her pupils are huge!

She has dark brown eyes.
That's the way they always look.

You mean they're
not green?

Look, I believe Carmen.

If it wasn't true,
they wouldn't be letting her go.

Yeah, well, she lied to us
and went over to Jason's again.

Maybe they shouldn't
let her go.

Maybe we should leave her
in jail.

That way, we know she's not
having sex or doing drugs.

Sorry.

If you sign here, we can
release her into your custody.

Excuse me, um...

When is Jason McNamara
gonna be released?

He's not. He's a minor, and his
parents are out of the country.

We have no one
to release him to.

Jason can't spend
the night in jail.

I spent the night in jail once.
Nothing happened to me.

It's not the same, dad.
Jason's pretty!

Dad,
you have to do something.

Oh, can my parents
sign for him?

Yes, but legally
he'd be their responsibility

until he can be
turned over to his parents.

Let him stay in jail.
That'll teach him a lesson.

Come on, Angie, let's go.

What's gonna happen
to him?

Well, if there's no one
to release him to,

he'll probably end up
in a group home.

Dad, a group home!

Carmen, that sounds
like fun.

Bunk beds, sing-alongs.

* drive-bys are bad

come on, making a quilt
with the names

of your fallen homies.

"Give me a sequin so I can
put a teardrop on spider."

You know, George,
if something happens to Jason,

we'll never forgive ourselves.

Let's just take him home tonight
and we will call his parents.

Please, dad?

All right, I'll sign.
God.

Hey, my mom got arrested
by an officer Miller.

Is he here, because he
frisked her or something,

and she wanted me
to get his phone number.

Give me your parents'
phone number.

And you -- I'll deal with
your punishment later.

You ever been tied
to a lemon tree?

This is where you can
reach them in Switzerland.

I'll call them.

So, how was dinner?

'Cause mine was great.

Grandma passed out
on the couch,

and I ate a can
of frosting.

Max, we didn't go
to dinner.

While you were changing
your shirt,

the police called, and we had
to pick up Carmen and Jason.

No way!
You got arrested?

What did you do?

Actually,
governor Schwarzenegger

just passed a new law.

It's now a crime in
the state of California

to lie to your parents.

Anything you want
to tell me, Max?

Max?

I've been shrinking
Carmen's clothes in the dryer

so she thinks
she's fat.

That's horrible!

You bad b--

go to your room,
bad boy!

Your dad
wants to talk to you.

Hello?

What did they say?

They're not coming back,

and they don't trust him
to stay alone anymore.

They're gonna
wire us money

so we can send him
to Switzerland.

No, Jason can't leave.
I'll never see him again.

Hey, if they send him money
for first class,

we'll send him back coach.

Wa-cha.

I know, dad.

I'm sorry.

But if I leave,
the scouts won't see me play.

I might not get
this chance again.

Please.

All right.

This isn't fair.

Jason's whole life
shouldn't be ruined

because of one stupid party.

Why can't he stay with us
until the season's over?

You know,
that's a great idea!

You guys can sleep
in the same bed.

And I can get you one
of those special lights

so you can grown pot
in the closet.

Mom, if Jason moves
that far away, I'll die.

You said the same thing
when nsync broke up,

but look, you're fine.

And so are Justin, Lance,
Joey, Chris, and j.C.

Whatever their names are.

Let me talk to your dad
for a minute.

Come on, Angie.

Don't even start.
Please!

It would only be until
baseball season's over.

I'm not gonna have my


and her boyfriend living
under the same roof.

George, keep in mind he's going
to be exposed

to sides of Carmen
he's never seen --

cranky Carmen,
moody Carmen,

morning-breath Carmen.

Hi.

Oops.

You don't know
what it's like

to be a teenage boy
with raging hormones.

When I was a freshman
in high school,

we had this girl,
a foreign exchange student.

Her name was flexpa.

Didn't shave, didn't wash.

She had a mole the size
of a quarter on her forehead.

It looked like a Bumblebee
landed, like.

And one day in the hall,

she passed me and she flashed
this big, cheesy, yellow smile,

and I thought to myself,
"sabes que.

It's on!

You were a pig back then.

You're missing the point, Angie!
She was the pig.

I was a normal teenage boy.
He's not staying here.

George, you didn't talk
to his dad.

He said, "I guess we'll
have to take him back,

like he didn't even care
about Jason.

But you know what, Angie,
that's not our problem.

You know what Carmen told me?

That even when his parents
did live here,

they never went to any
of his games.

They're not involved
in his life.

It's like
he's raising himself.

Does that sound familiar?

What?

How the hell can you compare
my childhood to this rich kid's?

He's had everything
handed to him.

You saw his house!

They got a statue of a naked boy
peeing in the pool.

That's money, Angie.
That's class.

He's like that, "hello."

Well,
it may be a bigger house,

but he's still alone in it.

Can he stay?
Carmen, go inside.

But, dad --
I don't want to hear it.
Go inside.

I don't want you living in the
same house as my daughter.

I understand.

God, I can't believe
I screwed everything up.

There goes my dream of ever
playing in the majors.

You know,
when I was your age,

I used to dream about playing
pro baseball.

This is different, Mr. Lopez.
I'm actually good.

I was good, too.

One time,
bottom of the ninth inning,

bases loaded,
I drove in the winning run.

They even carried me off
the field.

You hit a grand slam?

No, I leaned into a pitch
and took one in the head.

I got my first kiss
that day.

The paramedic said
it was just cpr,

but she didn't fight
the tongue.

It doesn't matter now anyway.

Baseball's over for me.

I'm gonna go hang out with
Carmen while I still can.

Tell you what.

I'll make you a deal.

You can stay for the rest
of baseball season

if you can knock a can
off the fence.

Are you serious?
Yep.

I'll even call your parents
in Switzerland

and tell them you're staying.

All you got to do
is knock off that can.

Okay, that sucked.

Yodel-odel-lay-ee-hoo!

I'm gonna let you stay here
so you can work on your control.

Oh!

Thanks, Mr. Lopez!

I promise I will not
screw this up.

I'm gonna go tell Carmen.

Yes!

Carmen.

Yeah, but I'm good.

Angie,
Jason broke your window!

I'm so glad your dad's
letting me stay here.

I know.
It's gonna be great.

When I go to bed,
you'll be here.

When I wake up,
you'll be here.

Maybe I'll come down
for a midnight snack

and you'll be here.

Carmen, I promised your dad
I'd be on my best behavior.

Is he here?

Well, no.

No?

Aah!

Aah!