02x03 - Schwimmflügeli

[bunniefuu]

Man, why don't you believe me?

If I don't bring them the key,

- they'll k*ll Valmira.
- Shut up.

I'm fed up with your excuses.

So now you steal weed
from the evidence room?

But this time there's no rich b*stard
who will get you out of this.

I've got all the coordinates.

Looks like the ginger kept going
to the same spot.

Val d'Hérémence?

Strange, there's just a few mountain farmers there.

But I'll look into it.

Damn it!

You ruined this too?

Whatever.

I'll just take your jacket.

Shut the f*ck up!

Or I'll stuff our drummer's
old briefs into your mouth.

No, you're staying here.
You have to keep an eye on him.

If he acts up, just use this.

Look for a pressure point...
For example right here.

Or here at the ear.
Then he'll do what you want.

If it doesn't work, then do this.

Great. You'll keep
him in check with this.

Bax, I don't think I
can do this anymore.

What can't you do anymore?

Whenever I'm on the road
with you, my life's in danger

or I end up in deep sh*t.

I just wanted come
to the Valais for my internship,

but you always
bring me into dangerous...

You still don't get it.

You're no longer an intern.
You're my partner now.

But you're not even
a real cop anymore.

Yeah, I know.

But I'll be a f*cking hero.

Now you have to decide

if you want to go
back to the lowlands

and scrape together
ECTS credit points

or if you want to become
a f*cking legend with me.

I don't believe it!

Silence. Listen, please!

Nothing's as bad as it looks.

They probably wanted something
out of the evidence room.

Ida, check with the inventory

if anything's missing.

Back to work.

I checked the log data.

They accessed Ida's
computer via a printer

and looked up Zurich vehicle registration number in Sirio.

Well done, Peter.

- And, what do you think?
- What a fuss.

But I'm pretty sure it was Bax.

Come, let's get him ourselves.
I know exactly where we'll find him.

Yeah?

This came in three days ago
via Interpol.

This key was stolen from a museum

in Milano a few months ago.

An art theft?

I don't think so. It's a key to
detonate an expl*sive device.

The Italian fascists detonated
booby traps with this.

Bridges, tunnels... All kinds
of things in the Alpine area.

Mussolini wanted to protect himself.

You think there's
an expl*sive device in the Valais?

It's possible.
The question is: where?

We have to find the key.

Fricker mentioned a tomato sauce
delivery that went wrong.

Tomato sauce. Are you happy now?

But what does it have
to do with the animals?

I was worried.

Are you getting ahead?

They're all livestock species
from the Valais.

But that's all
I can gather from this.

Always two, right?
A male and female each.

Yes, except for the black-necked goat.
There's only a male.

Always two...

Recalculating the route.

Recalculating the route.

It's like in the Genesis
flood narrative.

There they also took

a male and a female
of every animal on board.

With a ship?

Yes, but on Mount Ararat.

The saving mountain,
not the kebab shop in Siders.

Bax.

Yes, Bax. Where are you?

I followed the trail
of the ginger's pickup truck.

But this is a dead end.
I can't go any further.

Bax, you gotta come to us at once.

We suspect that someone
in the police is working against us.

What? Are you high again?

Listen.

We found the stolen animals up
at the Christ King statue.

Someone wants to protect them,
like in the biblical flood.

And for some reason
they need the detonation key.

Wait a sec.

There's no time!

I'm sure it's all
connected somehow.

It's best if you come join us now.
We have to find the key.

I guess it got to Switzerland
in the tomato sauce shipment

and is here now.

But we have no idea
what they're planning to blow up.

And least of all, who's behind it.

Bax? Are you there?
Did you hear what I said?

Pirmin, I'm standing
in front of a dam.

Stick 'em up!

On your knees!

I said on your knees!

Don't move or I'll sh**t!

I don't know if you can imagine

how much water
400 billion litres are.

In any case enough to flush us all
into the Mediterranean.

And trust me, kids,

your water wings
won't save you then.

Not a word.

Thanks.

It's an emergency.
If we don't bring the key...

Hello?

Listen up. Take the key
to the gravel plant.

If you don't come, you can fish
your girlfriend out of the Rhone river.

Fish what?

Fish her out of the Rhone.
That means we'll bump her off, you idiot.

Juni, what is this sh*t?

I told you, they're the ones
who want to k*ll Valmira.

- They want the key.
- What key?

The key in the jacket that Bax took.

If they don't get...

I have to think.

So, let's see how you're doing.

Even after your waters breaks,

it usually takes a few hours.

That's a big noggin.

Taking after his dad.

We must make sure there won't be
a perineal dam rupture.

Don't underestimate a dam rupture.

And let me tell you, it doesn't
take much for one to occur.

But I won't hesitate then. C-section.

- That’s not really...
- I have to go.

Darling?

I'll be back in time. I Promise.

Bax isn't picking up.

Why doesn't he pick up?
He always answers his phone!

They're calling again.
We need reinforcement.

I have to call the police.

We don't even have the key.

I can't do this on my own.

Look at me.

Bax said so before too.

You're better than the other cops.

You'll be the hero of this story.

A real legend.

You can do much more
than change printer cartridges.

Juni...

We'll print one!

- What?
- Put on your seatbelt.

More foam.

You aren’t doing this
for the first time, are you?

- Is that enough?
- Yes.

Shave in the other direction.

- Upwards?
- Yes.

- Hey!
- Sorry.

- Upwards?
- Yes, upwards!

- But like this it'll...
- Just do it.

OK.

- Aren't you cold?
- No.

Hey, guys.

You're f*cking idiots.

I'll radio the others.
They're probably still looking for him.

No. Imagine their surprise
when we turn up with him.

We could get some
ham croissants to celebrate.

I'll let you out at the bakery.

Great idea. Maybe a few
bottles of bubbly?

If you knew the mistake
you're making.

What? Because we're not listening
to a psycho like you

who claims the dam'll be blown up?

Shut up with your
conspiracy theories.

Why don't you
ever believe me, Frängi?

Then I suddenly realised
that someone in the car

had skeletons in the closet.

Who else, if not Frängi?

Watch out! Ahead of you!

What happened here?

Can you clear the road?

Gerda, Pirmin said
there’s a mole at the station.

I think it's Frängi.

Gerda, believe me. It all makes sense
that he's working against us.

That's why he reacts like this
to anything I say.

I'll look into it.

Gerda, come and help me!
I can't do it alone.

No, Gerda, don't. It's a trap!

Don't get out!
He wants to take you out, Gerda.

If I ever meant anything to you...

I'm coming, Frängi.

f*ck!

Damn it, we're gonna
loose on Saturday.

We don't stand a chance without Bax.

The way we're bowling we won't even
survive the group phase.

Isn't that your son-in-law?

- How's it going at the library?
- We gotta talk.

Can't we do that
tomorrow at the office?

I've got bigger problems here.

His aim's as good as yours
at the sh**ting range:

it sucks.

Diego, I think there’s
a mole at the station.

315?!
Josi, were you caught speeding again?

Didi, nicknamed Rasper

because he can't
pronounce the letter R properly.

His stupid, sexist remarks
are only tolerated

because as a kid he fell off a balcony
while sleepwalking.

Poor b*stard.

The cop has to fetch you here now?

I've handed in
my driving licence long ago.

He can't even do 30
with his old bucket.

And whenever you think
that there's no way out...

A new door suddenly opens somewhere.

Bax followed the trail of the guy
who wanted to k*ll Patrick

and ended up at the Grande Dixence.

We think they want to
blow up the Grand Dixence.

- Our dam?
- Yes.

Time to get the rubber dinghy
out of the closet.

And Josi can grab his blow-up doll

and surfs with her
to the Mediterranean.

The way we bowl we'd better
form a rowing club instead.

Your belly doesn't fit
in any rowing boat.

You'd be surprised
where I can fit it.

Yeah, that's what I tell my wife too.

Such a idiotic, simple sport.

It's in your hands now.
Just do your job.

Wait a moment, Frängi.

Damn it.

But the water will seep away
by the time it reaches the valley, right?

Look at the federal
disaster calculation:

This information is kept under
lock and key from the population.

There's no emergency
plan for this scenario.

Bax, when the dam breaks,
the water will reach Sion in 10 minutes

and at Lake Geneva in 20 minutes.

There it'll trigger a
tsunami that'll flush away

everything from Geneva to Lyon.

Even people in Marseill
will get their socks wet.

This threatens
almost a million people

from the Mediterranean to the Goms.

But the Christ King
statue will stay dry.

You mean they want to blow it up
from the Christ King statue?

Come to my room. Just for a moment.

There.

How could this happen?

It's a mystery
how Bax could free himself.

Nobody was around
and he was handcuffed.

But you know you don’t leave

a captured person
unguarded in a car.

Gerda was there. She was with him.

Frängi, don't pass the buck.

Gerda hasn't been on the ball lately.

Something's wrong
in her private life.

Just a sec.

You won't believe it.
Look what I found in her trash.

I think she's got a new guy.

This should be on the radar wall.

And I didn't see Gerda
put a tenner into our piggy bank.

And there's more.

Look...

f*ck, at last!

I called over an hour ago.
Does it always take so long?

Where are the suspects?

In there.

He was acting up, so...

my nail file slipped.

You two idiots
can't be left alone anywhere.

Don't you want to arrest them?
I mean...

Shut the f*ck up, girl.

For real?

Make yourself comfortable.
Just as well we can be in private.

I've wanted to talk
to you for a long time.

Oh, „talk“!

Maybe she's now open
for a bit of bowling technique.

It's just about reproduction, really.

I knew that this was the moment.

The Valais would just have to wait.

It always takes two for that.

Now we just have to
find out where the male is.

Do you know

who has the finest
black-necked sheep in the canton?

Though I didn't get that dirty talk
with her Basel accent

I was ready to engage in anything.

Lex Wiisi.

But I was a bit surprised that
she was still wearing her trousers.

Ms Brotz.

Bax.

Yes?

I'm not sure how to tell you, but...

There's no need for words
when you get on so well.

Everything's complicated and...

I know how you're feeling.

It's OK, allow it.

It's the same for me.

I know we should
stay professional now,

but now and then
you gotta live in the moment

or you just stay stuck in the past.

I don't know...

I don't have much
of experience with these things.

I more the cuddly type.

Couldn't we take it slow?

Ms Brotz?

The whole valley knows you
and is looking for you.

I can't use a millstone
around my neck.

Millstone around your neck?

Pirmin and I will handle this.
I'll get you when it's over.

No, Ms Brotz.

Pirmin can't even sh**t!

f*ck!

That stupid cow gouged out my eye.

I don't know why we have to
take her along everywhere.

The cop b*tch said
we have to keep our eyes on her.

- Well, in your case one eye.
- Haha, very funny!

- Stay cool.
- No, it's really not funny!

Stay cool.

Damn it, have you ever had
a nail file in your eyeball?

Damn it, get her!

Ouch, she bit me.

He must be drunk.
He slalomed across the barrier line.

Roger. We'll take him out
at the roundabout.

Is someone still on call?

There's a break-in
at Lex Wiisi's farm.

I'll finish up here with Albi

and then I'll go there. Over.

Thanks. Have a nice evening.

Sorry, can I call you back?

I'm on my way to Regina
at the hospital.

Come to the station right now.

You were right about the mole.
I know who it is.

And I have evidence.

What? Who?

And don't forget the tape
with the zebra song.

Tomorrow's traffic training.

Diego, I'm suspended.
What are you talking about?

Yes, thanks. To you too. Bye, ciao.

Mentally, Pirmin isn't always
on the fast lane.

Traffic training...

But here the penny
dropped even for him.

Sorry, Diego. I didn't want to disturb you.

I'm sorry how things
turned out with Bax today.

I really don't understand it.

Don't worry about it.

OK. Will you turn off the light
when you leave?

OK.

Gerda?

Did you put a tenner
in the radar piggy bank?

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Hands up!

It's over.

If you want to know if I managed
to open Ms Brotz's kinky items,

what bowling ba*ls
can also be used for,

how things went
for my two pupils,

what these two
did to Valmira,

the name of Rüedi's other cow

and why Pirmin shouldn't
be allowed near mace

or a pump g*n,

then join us for the next episode of
TSCHUGGER.