01x05 - Starboy

[bunniefuu]

[keyboard clicking]

- Everybody has a secret.

My secret is
for the past 50-odd days

stuck in this room,

when nobody's watching me,
I watch videos like this.

- My name is Sophia Ghul.
I'm 15 years old,

and two years ago

I was diagnosed
with osteosarcoma,

which is a form
of bone cancer,

and I never expected
in a million years

that I'd be sitting
here with cancer,

but, you know,
that's how life goes.

Cancer just takes
everything away from you,

and some of the hardest days
are some of the days

that people wouldn't
even think about,

like just seeing
your friends go out

and have fun or seeing
your friends go out

and catch up and stuff
like that that you miss.

That's the days
that aren't the best.

I feel like as you go closer
to the end of each treatment

and you come out
of each treatment

knowing that you survived,

it just makes you feel
a lot more hopeful

that you will be able
to beat cancer.

My number-one tip for you guys
is just to stay happy,

stay positive,
and have hope and smile

because regardless
how things out in the end,

it's always better
to be happy than to be sad.

[somber music]

- Being that honest
seems impossible

when you're busy comforting
the ones you love

by purposefully
not talking about it,

but I guess everyone's
got a secret or two.

[somber music]

- [sighs]

♪

- Photoshoot all day,
clubbing all--what the hell?

[phone ringing]

- Hey, Helga.

- Hi, it's still Zac.

- Why are we whispering?

- Because my twin sister
is asleep on the couch.

♪

How are you feeling?

- Like death.

- It gets better.
You will get better.

- I'll take your word for it.

- Use mouthwash.
- Gross.

- It basically kills
all the nausea.

- Okay, fine.

- Good choice.
Do it.

♪

[laughs]

Oh, my God, you look
like a rabid chipmunk.

♪

- [spits]

♪

- Jerk.

- Worth it.

- Oh, what about you?

Will you get better?

- Can I call you back in,
like, two seconds?

- Yeah, sure, if you want.

- I do.
I really do.

[soft music]

[door opens and closes]

♪

- Hello?
- It's me.

I didn't want
to wake up my sister.

She was sleeping right by me,

so I'm hiding
in the bathroom like a boss.

- [chuckles]

How'd you get this number?

- I was in that room
for my chemo.

- So your sister
spends the night?

- Yeah.

Where's, uh--
where's your family?

- I just have my mom, but she'd
prefer she didn't have me.

[soft music]

♪

What are you doing now?

- Me?

I'm--I'm just sitting
on my toilet

talking to this random girl,
baller stuff.

- I mean before, and please
don't say masturbating.

- [chuckles]

Okay, fine,
I guess if I have to lie...

Once again, I'm kidding.
- [chuckles]

♪

I--I guess I was,

uh--I was watching
kids with cancer vlog

and over-share their feelings.

- That's specific and morbid.

♪

Do you post videos?
- Me?

God, no.
No, no, no, no.

- You should.
- No.

- Nobody's gonna see it,
and if they do,

they'll feel better
about their own chances.

♪

- [chuckles]

♪

But--but seriously,
you're not gonna die, right?

Wow, so that's--

that's not a no, is it?

- It's not a yes.

Um, it's a m--
I don't--it's just a maybe.

♪

- Everybody's a maybe, Zac.
- No, no, Mia, not you.

You're not a maybe.

You're a yes.

♪

Are you there?

- What are you doing?
- What do you mean?

I'm telling the truth.
You're gonna be okay, Mia.

[thud]

[beeping]

♪

[soft music]

♪

[beep]

♪

[sighs]

Greetings,
depths of the Internet.

My name is Zac Meier,
first-time poster,

and longtime lurker.

Don't really know
how to start,

so I guess I'll just
tell you what I have.

I have non-Hodgkin's lymphoma,
also known as NHL,

not the hockey, it's a little
bit worse than hockey,

stage 4B,

which basically means
if you're a Vegas odds maker,

I'm pretty much even money.

My family, I can't
just unload on them.

It's not fair, you know?
They're scared.

I feel like I'm doing my part

by pretending to be strong

to protect them,

but, you know,
you watching this,

I--I'm not gonna
protect you one bit,

and to tell you the truth,
I'm--you know,

I'm terrified most of the time.

♪

I have a story for you guys.

When I was
just starting chemo,

my twin sister, Bec,
she came in my room

and was begging to put these
glow-in-the-dark stars

all over my ceiling,
so I--I let her do it.

You know, these things
looked less like the cosmos

and more like hotel bed sheets
under a black light.

- [laughs]

- Let that sink in
for a little bit.

There was this one star,

the biggest and the brightest
in the pack

that she put
right over my bed.

That star was perfect.

Eventually I was moved
out of that room.

I snuck back in there
a couple days later

and found by either
oversight or design...

♪

I saw that they left
that one perfect star.

That star still waits
in that room above the bed

to comfort the next person
who needs it.

♪

I think that's what
we can do for each other.

Maybe that star shines to say,

"You're not the first person
to go through this.

You're not the last,"

and maybe it shines to say,

"There's still time left
for you to shine."

♪

If worse comes
to worst and cancer

takes us out of this world,

there's still one--one part
of us left behind.

♪

And that's the part that glows.

♪

This is Helga signing off.

How the hell
do you turn it off?

- [laughs]

♪

[waves crashing]

♪

- I'm not alone.

♪

[driving music]

♪

- Checkmate.

- No way, God.
- It's all right.

We'll just tell people
that cancer made you

a little bit dumber.
- It doesn't make any sense.

[knocking]

- Greetings, earthlings.

- What's up, Cam?
What a surprise.

- You want to tell him,
or should I?

- I mean, it was your idea.

- Oh, no, no, no,
what's going on?

What is--what's happening?

- Okay, uh,
you're sitting down.

I should sit down.

Um, oh.

Um, first off, we want to say
we're sorry

for doing this behind
your back.

- We knew that, like,
if we told you, you'd be like,

"No, no way, not cool.
I don't want that."

- Holy sh*t, are you sleeping
with our sister?

- What?
- Wha--no.

- No!
- Absolutely not.

- That would be so funny.
- It's a little ill*gal.

- Yeah, right?
Like, that--they could even--

but look, I come in peace.

To cut to the chase,

Zac, buddy, you've had my back
since day one,

and I, for once,
want to have yours,

so we nominated you
for Make-A-Wish.

- Make-A-Wish.
You get a wish.

- Not--not that, like,
you're--you're gonna die.

- I know.
- But, you know,

it's more like what you have--

- Cam.
- Could be considered--

- Cam, breathe.

I understand fully.
- Yeah.

- It's just I...

♪

Thank you.
- Ha!

- Yeah!
- Yes!

- Whoo-hoo!
- That's awesome.

- It's gonna be great.

- So, what are you
gonna wish for?

- Strippers!

No, no, you're right.

We'll think bigger.
- Yeah.

- It's, like, a wish, you know?

- Yeah, no, I was just kidding.

I was just kidding.

- Yeah, whoo!
- Dude.

- I'm glad you're
feeling better.

- I wish I felt
as good as they sound.

Are they having
a party over there?

- Mm, sort of.

Zac just received
a Make-A-Wish.

♪

- Wait, does this mean
he's dying?

- Getting a Make-A-Wish
doesn't mean

that you're at death's door.
You just have to be

under 18
with a serious illness.

I can nominate you if you want.

- Hardest of passes.

♪

- I have a surprise for you,

but you have to promise
not to get upset.

- You're totally
selling it so far.

- [laughs]

♪

I called your mom.

- What?
Vinny, we talked about this.

- Retract the claws.
I asked her to bring

some of your
favorite things from home.

- Thank you for respecting that
I don't want to speak to her.

- You're welcome.

- [gasps, squeals]

Mr. Bojangles!

Aww, nobody gets me
like you do.

♪

- So you think he's excited?
- He'll come around.

He's just super weird.

- What the heck is going on?

- He's really lucky to have
a friend like you though.

- Yeah.

[thudding]

- Cam, you break it,
you buy it.

- That was my bad, Jordan.

[bright music]

♪

But really, thank you.

I can barely sign my own name,

and you know I couldn't have
done this without you.

♪

- Seems like it.

- You know, you're gonna make

some dude
happy as hell someday.

♪

But I got to jet.

When I do get the surgery,
though,

I'm coming to you
for nurse duty.

I hear you're the best.

- The first thing
I'd cut out is diet sodas.

- Noted.

♪

- [sighs]

[knocking]

[line trilling]

- You banged?

- I thought it sucked in here
when I was reeling from chemo,

but it turns out
when you're feeling better,

that's when
the real t*rture begins.

- Ah.
You know,

some people go home
in between chemo treatments.

- Okay, well, apparently
unrelated to awesome cancer,

I have weak kidneys.

They're worried that
I might go into something

like ray--

ray...a**l failure?

That can't be right.

- I think you mean
renal failure.

- Yes, that's what I was--God.

So anyway, they have to
monitor me here until I'm done,

which I guess kind of works out

because otherwise I'd be stuck
at home with my mom.

- [coughing]

- Are you okay over there?

- Never been better.

- So I, uh--I heard
about your wish.

- Wow, news travels fast.

- What are you gonna wish for?

- I don't know.
- Well, what do you enjoy?

- Uh, talking to you.

- Cute but boring.

- Boring?
You said I'm boring.

- When was the last time
you did something unexpected,

something impulsive?

The answer you're
looking for is never.

- I can be impulsive.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Prove it.

- Fine.
- 'Kay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

What?

[soft music]

♪

[knocking]

[coughs]

♪

Zac, what are you doing here?

- You--you like
ice cream, right?

- I'm more of a froyo girl.

Are you asking me on a date?

- Are you, uh--
are you saying yes?

- Zac, you're not supposed
to leave your room.

I don't want you
to get sick.

- It's okay.
I'm fine.

Plus we're not leaving
the hospital or anything.

- Are you sure?
- 100% positive.

See, Zac Meier,
impulsive as hell.

- [laughs]

We're not gonna curl up
on a gurney and watch

"The Fault in our Stars,"
are we?

- No, that's too on the nose.

[soft music]

♪

All they had was
rocky road ice cream.

♪

- I'm cool with
eating metaphors.

♪

So why aren't you more excited
about this wish thing?

- I don't know.
- Come on.

- Why do I deserve
special treatment

over anyone else, like,
all for some stupid disease

that isn't even unique to me?

- 'Kay, I guess
that makes sense.

- Yeah.

- Cancer's got to be
the stupidest way to die.

- Oh, no, there are for sure
stupider ways to die.

- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

According to
federal statistics,

almost 80 people died
last year

by watering their
Christmas trees

with the lights plugged in.

- Happy holidays.
- Six people died

by testing batteries
on their tongue.

- No.
- Swear to God.

- That can't be true.
- Swear to God,

and my favorite by far
is the insane amount of people

who die by falling into
random vats of sh*t,

beer, ice cream,
hopefully not ours.

- [laughs]

- You're a really weird guy,
Zac Meier.

- Yeah, but as established,
impulsive.

- You did get ice cream.

[chuckling]

Okay, so let's--let's figure
out your wish.

No, come on.
This will be fun.

If it was me,

I would ask for VIP tickets
to my favorite band, LANY.

- I have no clue who that is.
- What?

- What?
- Oh, my gosh.

Okay, hold on,
I'm gonna play you a song.

Prepare to fall
in love.

- ♪ Ain't never
felt this way ♪

♪ Can't get enough,
so stay with me ♪

♪ It's not like
we got big plans, ooh ♪

♪ Let's drive around town

[ping]

♪ Holding hands

♪ And you need to know

♪ You're the only one,
all right, all right ♪

- What's up with that?
- What do you mean?

- That--like, I don't know,
on social media,

you're kind of just, like,
saying, "I don't have cancer."

I don't know.

- Well, maybe I just choose
not to advertise

what's going on
in my personal life.

- No, I--I totally get that,
but you're also choosing to lie

about what you're
really going through.

- Excuse me?
- I completely understand

your right to withhold
every bit

of personal information,

but you have a ton of friends.

I don't know,
you're lying to every one

of them.
- Okay, I might lie,

but at least I haven't
forgotten about who I am.

- What is that supposed
to mean?

- All you do is obsess
about cancer 24/7.

You've abandoned your old life,
everybody you used to

care about, everything
that makes you you.

- You know, I'm focusing
on my situation.

You're choosing to ignore it
like it's gonna disappear.

- No, you've become cancer!
- Zac!

- I'm not cancer.
That's all you.

- Please don't.
- No, I'm not doing

this anymore.
This was a bad idea.

- Zac, what the hell
are you doing?

Did you talk him into this?

- It won't happen again.

[soft music]

[door opens]

[door slams]

♪

- [coughs]

- What is wrong with you?

♪

Why would you risk it
like this?

- You heard her.
It's not gonna happen again.

- That was selfish, Zac.

- [coughs]

♪

[coughing]

♪

- sh*t, you're burning up.

I'll go get Vinny.

[door opens]

[door closes]

- [coughs]

[gentle rock music]

♪