05x12 - George Enrolls Like That

[bunniefuu]

What's all this?

Well, the kids are both busy.

I thought maybe we could spend some alone time together.

George, like alone time.

Make George happy.

Maybe after dinner we could crawl into bed early, watch a DVD.

You could pick anything you want.

What about a Steven Seagal movie?

but one of the early ones before he got too fat to kick

Whatever.

you want.

As long as

I'm all yours.

Good.

Maybe we'll have time for the movie after Max's school assembly.

School assembly?

What'd you trick me?

I'm not going.

You know what? You can go by yourself and sit in the back row

with all the other single mothers who drove their men away with lies.

I'm on the pill. Don't worry.

This is for Max. We're both going.

What's the meeting about, anyway?

Well, I don't know, but they said it was important.

Important.

At the last meeting, there was a man in a dog suit.

That was Sergeant Sniffer, the police dog.

Don't get hooked, kids,

because getting off drugs is roof, roof, roof!

You have nothing to do now. You're going.

God.

All right, fine, I'll go.

But there's always that annoying lady there

that just loves to hear herself talk

the whole thing-tack-tack-tack.

I wish I could leave

before you start asking all those stupid questions.

Well, why don't you?

Because I've got to drive her home.

Vamanos.

Ha!

This place is half empty.

Usually it's tough to find a seat.

Hello, I'm Principal Stoller.

I wanted to talk to a very select group of parents tonight.

They didn't invite all the losers this time.

You're all here because none of you attended college.

Strike that, Angie. We're the losers.

How do they know we didn't go to college?

They asked us in class a couple days ago.

I was just happy I knew the answer to something.

This is in no way meant to cast aspersions on anyone.

But studies have shown that children whose parents didn't go to college are less likely to go themselves.

So basically what you're saying is that

We're all stupid!

No, sir. I just said...

I don't mean to cast aspersions on you.

I don't know what that means. I didn't go to college.

I am not trying to insult anyone.

Well, it's too late for that, because, Sasuke,

I got aspersions all over me and whatnot.

Look, we are just trying to encourage you.

to give your son a better chance to succeed.

You don't need a college degree to be successful.

I managed a whole factory and I did it without having a college degree.

Okay, I didn't have to spend thousands of dollars

to learn how to binge drink and throw up on my friends.

I learned that by just getting out there and doing it.

Come on, Angie, we're out of here. Give me the keys.

Unless I'm too dumb to figure out how to drive my own car.

Give me the keys.

I don't have the keys.

You didn't tell me you locked him in the car again, George.

All right, who here can help me break into a car?

Come on, none of you went to college.

Somebody's got to know.

Come on, fool, let's go.

Hey, how come you didn't tell me there was a school assembly last night?

Man, you know I like to go trolling for single mothers.

Well, you don't talk to them anyway.

You just stand around by the snack table,

stuffing your face with cookies.

Hey, that's because a cookie never woke up in bed next to me and cried,

what have I done? I got to stop drinking.

No, man.

Look, it wasn't a regular assembly anyways.

It was only for parents who didn't go to college.

They're trying to inspire our kids by telling them that we're all idiots.

So, when they tell you you're an idiot, it's inspirational.

But when I do it, I'm a bad mother.

They didn't yell at me during potty training.

Now when I have trouble, I can't go unless I yell at myself,

Come on, you idiot!

George!

I want you to meet Rick Martinez.

He's a consultant.

It's going to help us find some ways to chop the budget down to size.

Well, I'm going to cut to the chase.

I will sleep with you and keep my job.

That didn't work during the Depression,

and it's not gonna work now.

Nice to meet you, Rick, but our budget's fine.

The only thing we're wasting money on is an expensive consultant.

Don't get all threatened. Rick isn't here to take jobs.

He's way overqualified for that.

Now, if Rick fell down a flight of stairs

and lost half of his brain function, then...

NOPE

Still overqualified.

Suppose you want to see the budgets

for the last couple of years.

George.

I'm not going to make your life miserable.

I started off in a factory just like this.

Really? And you worked your way up, huh?

Nope.

It was a part-time job while I was in college.

College boy.

Hey, so what would a rich kid be doing working in a factory?

Rich.

I grew up in Boyle Heights, couldn't sleep at night because of the police helicopter.

Yeah, well, my father abandoned us,

so I was happy to hear the police helicopters.

It's the only time a grown man ever gave me guidance.

Get back in the house, son!

I didn't have a dad either.

He died and my mom had to...

Yeah, well, my mom had to work two jobs, and I had a learning disability.

Dyslexia?

Yep.

Me too.

Well, we have a lot in common.

Yeah.

You guys started out the same, and then Rick...

you know, did a lot better.

Hey, but you could have done just as well if you'd have gone to college, George.

Yeah, I would have.

But I got married right out of high school.

This is my wife, Angie.

Whopper!

Wow.

She's really beautiful.

You are a lucky guy.

Thank you, Rick.

Hey, uh, you married?

Yep.

Fifteen years.

Met her in college.

Oh, you met her in college, huh?

That's nice.

Mamy.

Let's see the picture, dude.

Uh-huh.

George, uh...

Let's not do this.

Oh, come on, why not?

You went to college, huh?

You got a good job?

Doesn't matter if my wife is hotter than yours, dude.

It's not a competition.

sh*t.

I can never win nothing.

Oh, man.

Is she the girl from the beer commercials?

She does a little modeling.

Charlie, you seen her naked and everything?

Dude.

Oh.

I'm sorry, that was, um...

That was totally inappropriate.

Ernie!

Look at that picture of Cochino.

Rick I hope this isn't out of line but

He's had some really nice work done.

Oh, really?

They're real.

Should have gone to college

But I don't know

All my friends

Know the lowrider

The lowrider

Is a little higher

Hey honey, how's work today?

Jack brought in this consultant, Rick Martinez.

Guy's perfect, Angie, smart.

Confidence, successful.

Sounds like you have a crush on him.

Angie, please. Rick is so out of my league.

Come on. You're exaggerating.

No one's better than my man.

Oh, yeah, you should see what his wife looks like.

He gave you a picture of his wife?

No, when he went to lunch, Ernie stole it.

I made a bunch of copies.

Wow.

She is.

I'm gonna need that back.

I gotta get it signed tomorrow night at the car show.

Take care.

Bye.

Where's Max?

to pick him up after school.

I went there, but they said he was out sick today.

He's not sick.

Didn't he have a big test today?

Oh, I bet he-

class

Why don't you?

Send him away.

And then it'll be just the three of us like it was back in the good old days.

That's funny, Carmen, because back in the good old days,

I remember there was just two of us.

Go to your room. I want to talk to your brother.

Should we do good cop bad cop? Yeah, whatever you want tonight, but right now let's deal with max

Hey Max, are you all right?

Yeah, why?

Oh my God.

You don't even know.

Apparently someone in your class.

Mr. Test.

And your teacher, Mrs. Sanchez, got worried as she went looking.

Yeah.

She went to that pee place across from the school to see if the kid was there.

But, uh, uh, uh.

A pit bull chased her in the street.

And palo, she got hit by a bus.

What?

WHAT?!

But she's still okay.

Right?

Well, she was, but...

A ambulância...

They came to get her, didn't realize she was still in the street,

about to hit her and get...

I just did this to go to the arcade.

I know she go looking for me.

Bah!

BUST IT!

Thank you.

You know better than to skip school.

It was only one day.

Max, you missed a test!

What's the big deal if I miss tests?

I'm not going to college anyway.

Yes, you are.

You didn't.

Excuse me, I decided to raise a family.

I still might go someday.

Dad said you don't need to, so I'm not going.

Hey.

Don't listen to what I said, okay?

I was wrong.

You know, today I met a guy who has the same exact background as I do,

except he went to college, and because of that,

he's got a better job, a nicer house.

Uh, may I?

Go ahead.

A smoking hot white max.

Trust me, man, you gotta go to college.

I hate this.

I'm not good enough to get in college.

Look, I used to think the same thing, but now I know if I'd worked harder.

I could have gotten through it.

Yeah, right. You didn't go. I don't have to go.

Oh, so that's how it is, huh?

If I went to college, you'd go?

Yeah, but you didn't go.

So I don't have to go.

Then here it is.

I'm going to college, and you know what?

So are you.

Angie?

Call Harvard and get him on the line.

Get up on the line

You're really going to college.

Damn right I am, and so are you.

Because you know what?

When I put my mind to something, I do it.

That's it.

Okay, how do I get out of this?

You're the college man. You figure it out.

Why did you stop me?

Well, how was I supposed to know you were going to set a good example for your kids all of a sudden?

Well, when I started talking and you started feeling proud of me,

you should have known that something was wrong.

George, I went on the internet and found an application for the community college.

Here, I printed it out for you.

You know, Angie...

I don't think we really have the money for me to go back to college.

It's only $28 a unit.

Thank you.

Well, you know, Angie, I really don't think I have the time to go back to college.

It's only two nights a week.

Close! I don't have to close!

Honey, I understand you're nervous.

But think about it.

You could actually be a college graduate.

But I hated school, Angie.

I mean, I sucked at it because of my dyslexia.

I hid behind this fat kid in class so they wouldn't call on me.

Then one day, he takes one of those herbal diet pills,

his stupid heart explodes, and I get a D.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy.

Think about the example you'll be setting for Max.

Hmm, they have a business.

That's it.

A college application?

George is going back to school.

Why?

Do they need a big-headed mascot to run around at the football games?

No, if they needed a mascot, they could just put a saddle on you

and ride you around after touchdowns.

Benny, this is serious.

George is thinking about getting his business degree.

Angie, you're wasting your time.

She don't care.

George!

You're not college material!

You were lucky to get through high school.

You see, mijo,

The world is divided up into two kinds of people.

I would go on.

But I bet I already lost you because of the math.

You know what, Bob? You're wrong about me.

And I'm gonna go back to school so I can set an example for my son.

I'm going to do all the stuff college kids do.

Protest stuff I don't understand, pull all-nighters.

I'm going to go to Florida for spring break and take my top off because that's good.

This co-ed has gone wild.

That's all that.

Carmen's filling out her application for the University of Michigan.

I was about to do the same for Valley Community College.

Pretty wild, huh, Carmen?

We're both going to college at the same time?

If I get in, Dad, this application is crazy.

They want my transcripts, test scores.

It's like a whole big thing.

It's tough, but.

get through this together.

Thanks for watching!

Please describe in detail the personal benefits you derive from your volunteer work and or community service.

Have you ever been convicted of a felon?

I'll put that on the list.

List the chronology of all your college preparatory electives.

Have you taken an ill*gal substance in the last seven years?

Nope.

Okay, sign it.

date it and fax it

It looks like I'm in.

Classes haven't even started and I'm way ahead of you.

Dad, you had one page to fill out.

I know we're going to competing schools,

but let's not bring the rivalry into the house.

So, Mac.

Father's really doing it.

He's going to college.

No way.

I already filled out my application. Check it out.

You know when I said that stuff at the assembly about how you didn't have to go to college?

It's just covering the fact that I never went.

Okay, I was.

over consummating.

over consummate

Angie.

I'm sorry, but college students use big words, okay?

I don't want to make you feel infuriated.

Thank you.

Man, I never thought you'd actually go through with this.

Mac.

You made a deal with your dad.

If he goes, you go.

You better get upstairs and study.

So proud.

Honey.

Do you realize that this time next week...

You'll be in your first college class.

Angie, what if I'm?

Weighing over my head and I can't do the work.

Well, I'm sure the teacher will help you if you have any trouble.

You know what, that's what I'm going to do this time.

When I was in high school, I was afraid to ask questions because I didn't want to look dumb.

So I just got by by making people laugh, you know,

turning my eyelids inside out, shoving pencils up my nose.

A minute.

That's why you were acting like that on our honeymoon?

you had questions and you were afraid to ask

I didn't need help

I made a cheat sheet, but I...

Didn't know that the lights were going to be all the way up.

George Lopez, class of 07.

Hey, can you take a picture of me with a camera phone?

I want my son to see me on my first day of college.

Whoa, I want them to know that learning is fun. Wait a minute

Welcome to microeconomics, please take your seats everyone

My name is Professor Tracy Lim.

I will be your instructor for this class.

We'll start with a brief overview of economic theory.

Shh.

Come on, guys.

Hey.

If this is working, then these aren't.

okay

I expect more from one of my own, so I'll give up the sad, eh?

Very sad.

Take it away, Professor. I know where you live, too.

I've seen your face.

In layman's terms, we'll be studying a branch of economic theory

that delves into the behavior of individual economic agents

and their ramifications on the globalized market.

yes

I got a question about something that I didn't understand.

Oh, and which part was that?

Everything after in layman's terms.

It's hard.

I'll tell you when you sign up and then you get here.

I see we have our funny man.

Oh, it's okay. You know, I like comedy, too.

Um, oh this is one of my

Knock, knock.

Okay, who's there?

Be quiet. You're wasting everyone's time.

Be quiet. You're wasting everyone's time. Who?

Just to see where we stand.

Who here knows the difference between inflation, recession,

deflation depression

Good.

Yes. What's the difference?

Oh, I don't know the answer. I just have a, uh, another question.

Is it an economics question?

Yes.

What is it?

Is it too late for me to get my $28 back?

Mr. Lopez.

What are you doing?

I'm not doing anything.

I saw you passing a note. Are you cheating?

No, I'm not, I swear.

Then maybe you'd like to share the note with the whole class.

Don't want.

Read it.

Thank you.

Do you think Professor Lim is hot?

Circle yes or no.

Somebody passed it to me.

I just made a circle.

You know, I would have respected you more if you were cheating.



Sasuke, I'm going to change my answer to no.

Forget you.