06x02 - George's House Has Two Empty Wombs

[bunniefuu]

What are you doing Angie, you're pregnant, you shouldn't be carrying that.

You got my special little Lopez in there.

I was just bringing down Carmen's care package for college.

I told you I was going to send it today.

I know.

I got her one of those talking bears, Angie.

I recorded a message for.

Oh, that's sweet.

Getting sentimental in your old age.

What are the frat boy?

If you can hear this message, you're on my daughter's bed,

and I'm on my way to k*ll you.

Check out this little basket. I put some mace in there.

Thank you very much.

It hasn't even been that long, and I already miss Carmen so much.

I know I miss her too.

till the baby gets here, it's gonna be real quiet.

I guess this is what they call an empty nest.

I'm still here.

What have I told you about interrupting?

But you can't have an empty nest if you still have a kid here.

Yeah, but Carmen's leaving has been too painful for me,

so it sounds like I've decided that it's better for me

if I distance myself from...

i won't be going to college for at least three more years that's very optimistic young man

i hope your parents have put away some money call it

Hello

I don't know.

Yes, I'll accept the charges.

Who is it?

I knew I'd say this at some point in our marriage.

It's your mother calling from jail.

Mom?

You were supposed to send me a hollowed-out Bible filled with cigarettes.

Mom, I'm working at it, all right?

I was cutting up the Bible last night, but then I started reading it.

You know, there's a lot of crazy stuff in there,

and if you think about it, it's got, like, a message.

Just mail it, George. I need my nicotine.

and

Also, I look tougher with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

I need to look tougher here, George.

Give me the phone.

Don't you mess with me, huh?

Because you know what, I stabbed a baby for crying in a movie theater, that's right!

Yeah, right.

I heard you accidentally drove a getaway car like 30 years ago!

What are you in here for?

For beating an old Mexican lady to death with a payphone.

He came.

Thanks for watching!

That was fast.

How's your mom?

She sounded lonely and scared.

If Superman throws her into the sun,

it would be my exact birthday wish from when I was nine.

Takk for att du så på!

This came for you.

Classical Fetal Favorites.

I've heard if you play classical music to the baby in the womb, it comes out smarter.

The only thing I heard in my mom's womb was,

I don't care if you're drinking for two, lady.

Last call is last call.

Can you play this one by Mozart?

What do you think?

She got negative.

The

Flat.

Minor suspended four.

Thank you for watching.

You know what, Angie? I know another classic.

She's a very kinky girl, the kind you don't take home to mother.

She's a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky.

What are you doing?

Uh, George, I'll be right back.

I have to talk to my dad about something.

No problem, because I've got to look up the lyrics online anyways,

because there's something about getting freaky with a bunch of guys in a hotel room,

and I want to get it right for the baby.

Maybe you can find a better song.

Thank you.

Mom, can I go to a party tomorrow night?

I'm busy. Ask your father.

Dad.

Can I go to a party tomorrow night?

I'm busy.

Ask your mother.

Well, since nobody cares...

I'm gonna go to a party with

Older kids and drinking.

Knock it off, Mumbles, man.

I'm trying to find a song to sing to the baby.

Let's see.

Music.

Baby.

Womb.

Oh, Raleigh, that's not it.

Oh, my God, look at that thing!

What is that?

It's a...



You can see the eyelashes and everything.

That thing's in mom?

gross it looks like an alien that's your reaction because okay you're a child

When you're an adult like me, you realize that this is beautiful.

It's the miracle of all the alien move.

But why was George singing to your stomach?

I thought you said your pregnancy was a false alarm.

Shh!

It was.

He got so excited about having the baby, I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Chao.

What are you going to do nine months from now?

Hand George a basketball wrapped in a blanket and say,

look, he's got your head.

I've got a plan. If I get pregnant right away, George will never know.

Well, at your age, it's not that easy.

Well, I'm ovulating this weekend.

I'm not letting him out of that bedroom

till I'm knocked up.

Uh, to think I used to spoon applesauce

into that potty mouth.

I'm sorry.

I'm desperate. I don't want George to know that I lied.

I thought I raised you to value honesty.

Really.

Have you told your 27-year-old fiancé how old you are?

Well, my birth records are still in Cuba,

so it is within the realm of possibility that I'm 49.

Okay.

Here's the deal.

You don't tell George.

I don't tell Lindsay.

Fine.

But!

You also have to back me up.

That my last girlfriend was Shakira.

And hips don't lie, it's about me.

Angie, have you seen this?



There's a lot of detail there.

Yeah, I know.

They're a mean...

So.

You wanna go upstairs?

You can bring your guitar.

I'll do anything I have to do to get backstage.

I don't know.

Nah, no thanks. I got a lot of work to do down here.

We don't even have to go upstairs.

We're all alone.

It's just you.

And me.

I don't know.

Not really.

All my friends know that I'm a writer.

Oh, man.

Wow, what's the matter?

Look at Angie, she's in the mood again.

Ever since she's been pregnant, man,

her hormones are going crazy.

She's been trying to get me in bed all weekend.

Any other problems?

too much money your house too nice how can i help you george how can i help you

I saw one of those 3D sonograms, man.

Now I can't be with Angie because.

Every time I look at her belly, I...

I see a little face in there saying.

Keep it in your pants, Vato. I live here.

Why don't you just tell Angie that it bothers you?

No, man, because then she's going to think something's wrong with her,

or she's ugly, and then it becomes a whole big...

Yeah, but I thought it was important for couples to communicate.

You don't communicate.

That way you never hurt somebody.

Oh, you see, I love Angie so much that I don't tell her nothing.

Sorry, Ernie.

You guys can't hang out tonight.

George has a lot of chores.

and you thought she wanted to do it

the joke's on you andale you gotta go do your chores let's go

do a laundry and don't forget to feed the cats

Thanks for watching!

Hey, Angie, before you say anything.

I just got to tell you that I

And B, good night.

Well, maybe I have a surprise that'll wake you up.

I made a little trip to the Love Boutique.

Thank you.

Is that what it's come to, Engie?

Devices?

I'm not mad enough anymore?

I was just like, you know what?

It's gonna be months before I get over this.

Boutique, I love you.

Don't be silly.

I didn't get anything like that.

I just got some massage oils.

This one?

Heats up.

when you blow on it.

nope nothing

okay

I don't know what's wrong with you, but you have been avoiding me all weekend.

No more excuses.

Get upstairs.

We're doing this, Alice!

Excuse me.

May I open the door unmolested?

Thank you, madam.

Angie, George.

I want you to meet the love of my life, my fiancée.

Lindsay.

I heard Vic's voice, but it came out of Bon Jovi's grandfather.

It is so awesome to finally meet you, Angie.

It's...

Awesome to meet you, too.

We came by to see if you guys wanted to go clubbing with us later.

Yeah!

We know the bartender, Abba.

He gives us free drinks.

Yeah, does he give you another glass for your dentures?

You won't be joking like that when you see my moves.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hi, Poppy.

Hi, Creepy.

You know what? You know what? Daddy, Daddy.

Yeah, my dear?

Uh, why don't we just go to dinner to get to know each other?

Choose a place, and George and I will meet you there in half an hour.

George, I'll be upstairs.

Thank you for watching.

We took vows. You have a duty.

Come on, Lindsay. Why do you feel like eating?

I feel like sushi tonight.

Oh, no, Lindsay, Angie can't have raw fish.

She's pregnant.

I thought you said she wasn't pregnant.

Thank you.

Not pregnant, what?

No!

No, of course Angie's pregnant.

No, honey, I was telling you a funny story

that was unrelated to Angie being pregnant,

which is, I'll tell you more over dinner.

And we're walking.

Vic!

In a hurry.

What's going on?

Why did she say that Angie's not pregnant?

Oh, this is what he doesn't know about.

I made another mess, Poppy.

I'll clean it up, eh?

Why don't you wait in the car?

I call DJ, but I won't play Shakira.

I know how that hurts.

I don't know.

Talk.

This is between you and your wife.

Tell me about Angie before I k*ll you by closing the top button on those jeans.

George, I don't want to get in the middle of this.

You already are, man. Is she pregnant or not?

Non.

She lied to me and you knew about it?

George.

I tried to keep you from marrying her, but you wouldn't listen.

No.

You tried to keep her from marrying me.

She told you that?

Well, what do you expect? She's a liar.

Thanks for watching!

Is everyone gone?

Yeah, it's just a.

Wow.

Look at you in that robe!

You lie.

Yeah.

Look at your tummy. You're already showing.

No, I'm not.

Yeah, you are.

You're getting that little belly roll.

This baby's going to be huge.

Stop it.

I haven't gained any weight.

Sure you have.

You can see it in your face, too.

No way.

Andrew, relax!

It's natural that your body changes.

There's no reason to be upset, you know,

unless, you know, you're not pregnant.

What?

What are you talking about?

You tell me what I'm talking about, liar, baby faker.

My dad told you.

Angie, how could you lie to me about something this serious?

The test was a false positive, but...

I saw how excited you were about having a baby and...

How depressed you were about Carmen going away?

I figured I could get pregnant quickly and everything would be fine,

but you wouldn't have sex with me.

I don't know.

I saw that.

new 3D sonogram on the computer and it

Freak me out.

Why would that freak you out?

Because there's a little person in there.

I don't want to turn your womb into an X-rated bouncy house.

Well.

Not.

Pregnant.

But I am ovulating.

Hello.

Now is a chance to have our first land child.

Thank you.

Thanks for watching!

Hello.

What? What happened? Is he okay?

We'll be right down.

What is it?

Max is in the hospital. They won't tell me what happened.

Go get the car. I'll go change.

What was it tonight?

I don't know. I thought you knew.

How could I know?

I spent the last two days fighting you out

with your joy jellies and your heat cream scotchina.

is max lopez and their worst parents yes he's okay we treated him for alcohol poison

What?

So did you pump his stomach?

Fill them with charcoal, give them a saline drip

to keep them hydrated?

Yes.

You're a doctor.

No, man, when I was a kid, I used to bring my mom in here

for stomach pumpings like twice a month.

Well, maybe your mother's a bad influence on your son.

I doubt it. She's in jail.

Max Hunt

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

What happened?

I was at the party.

And I met this girl, and she didn't want to drink alone.

So I said I'd drink.

with stuff I'd never tried.

What have you tried?

Субтитры создавал DimaTorzok

Fear and-

or else you guys keep in the house.

You drank in the house?

What did you have at the party?

Drain alcohol.

Orale, Jethro, that stuff can k*ll you.

They put it in fruit punch.

Oh, well, if you're getting your vitamin C, then it's okay.

I feel horrible.

I guess this is my punishment for drinking.

Oh, no.

your punishment hasn't even started yet you're losing video games

the tv the computer it's amish time for you fool i think i'm gonna be sick again

Thank you.

I can't believe he was drinking at home and we didn't even notice.

This is my fault.

My mom's in jail, but my beers kept disappearing.

I should have put it together.

We were so caught up in missing Carmen and...

Preparing for the new baby.

We haven't been paying enough attention to Max.

We better start.

He's 15 and drinking, and next year he'll be driving.

We got a long way to go with this one.

Are we crazy to want to do this again?

Maybe.

because

If we do have a baby.

It's going to turn into a teenager, and I don't know if I want to be in my 40s getting calls from the emergency room.



You know what I mean.

What are you thinking?

But maybe part of the reason I wanted a baby so bad was because I miss Carmen.

But I'm starting to get over it.

Subtitles by Subtitle Workshop

So

For now.

You okay with no more kids?

Yeah!

Yeah, I'll be all right.

Yeah.

The cigarettes just got here.

Really?

Alcohol poisoning.

Boy, does that sound good right now.

Okay, oh, later, later.

ん

Oh, I've missed you. I love you so much.

Sweet.

It's my brand.

I have taken enough of your crap.

Thank you for watching!

You're making a big mistake.

No, you're making a big mistake.

Ivan had a smoke in four days.

You touch my cigarettes, and you'll be in a world of pain.

Takk for at du så med.

Hey, see, I've got a pressure point right here that is very sensitive.

Hey, you're supposed to be in a lot of pain right now, boy, you.

I'll get you some matches.