15x05 - Wiener Takes All/Stuck in an Elevator

[bunniefuu]

Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Ah, uh...

[whimpering]
[crowd clamoring]

Hold on! Hold on!

Coming right up!
- Now!

Give me a second!
- Order up, up, up!

[clamoring continues]
- Mr. Squidward!

Why haven't you
taken out the trash?

[munching, groans]

[crowd clamoring]
- I'm swamped, Mr. Krabs!

Why are you wearing a towel?
[crowd clamoring]

Well, obviously,
I was in me sauna.

Being a manager is
hard work, you know?

You have to do better.

Can't you help
me a little bit?

A manager does
not do grunt work.

That's what Squidwards are for.

[laughs]

Hmmph!

I deserve to be manager
and sit on my butt all day.

But will I ever get promoted?

Are you tired
of being a loser?

Yes.
[sputters]

Wait, who said that?

Wouldn't you
rather be a weenie?

Um, not exactly.

Weenie Hut Jr.'s is
now hiring managers.

Your responsibilities
will include...

Whoa.

Kicking back, relaxing,
and letting robots

do all of the grunt work.

Righteous.

[slurping]

Apply now
to Weenie Hut Jr.'s

and become a pivotal cog
in the corporate machine.

[static whirs]
- A manager?

That's for me!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!
- So long, Krusty Krab!

So long!

Where is that
blasted cashier?

He's already an hour late.

And who the heck
is this old lady?

I smell pickles.

Mr. Krabs,
isn't Squidward looking

better than ever these days?

What?
That ain't Squidward.

Hmm?
It's not?

Why is she wearing his hat?

Where is he?
Is he lost?

Why is he so late?
Squidward!

[panicked panting]

I'm coming to find you!

[grunting]
Squidward!

[panting]

Uh-huh.

Ah!

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Squidward!

Oh, I'm so glad I found you!

Now, let's get you back
to the Krusty Krab.

Oh, I don't think so.

I'm not going back
to the Krusty Krab ever.

[grunts]
Because now I am a pivotal cog

in the corporate machine.

Oh, no!
That sounds horrible.

Oh, no. It sounds like
I'm the manager here.

[gasps]

Which also means I decide

who stays and who goes.

Oh, Weenie Bots.

Kick out this riffraff.

Both:
As you command, Weenie.

[whimpering]

Whoa!

Attention, Weenie Bots.

As your new manager,

I'll be making
a few changes around here.

Uh-oh.

All music in the jukebox
will now be...

smooth jazz.

All Weenie-themed art

will now be fine art.

And, lastly,
under no circumstances

is anyone allowed
to interrupt my manager time.

[door slams]

[sighs contentedly]
Being a manager is hard work.

[laughs]

Boss Weenie, you must
take out the trash.

Why can't you do it?

My extension cord
won't reach.

[grunts] Still better...

[grunts]
Than the Krusty...

[grunts]
Krab.

[sighs]

[garage door slams]

[shattering]

[shouting, grunts]

Hey!
Open that door!

[bots laughing]

[panting]

[grunts]

both: Hooray.
Celebration.

Celebration.

Glug, glug, glug.

Huh?

[growling]

[grunting]

Aah!

[grunts]

Oh, good.
You are back.

Weenie.

[growling]

[exclaims]

[grunts]

All right, Squidward.

It's time for a little
managerial work.

"How to Repair Unruly Robots."

Hmm.

[tools clattering]

[bell dings]

[sighs]
That ought to do the trick.

Weenie Bots, bring me a weenie.

both:
Yes, Mr. Manager.

[machinery whirring]

[sizzling]

[chomping]
Oh.

I did it!

They're perfect employees now.

Weenie Bots, run the store.

[chomping]

I'm having manager time.

both:
Yes, Mr. Manager.

[customers clamoring]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[bell dings]

Ooh!

[playing clarinet off-key]

[bell dings]
- [munching]

[cash register bell dings,
slurping]

[cash register bell dings]

[crowd sighing contentedly]

♪ ♪

[music box lullaby playing]

[screams]
- Mr. Manager.

Can't you see
I'm trying to sleep?

I mean manage.

The president

of the Weenie Hut Corporation
is arriving.

[panicked yelping]
Why didn't you say so?

[panting, grunting]

Oh.

[regal music]

♪ ♪

What a weenie.

Weenie J. Weiner.

The J stands for Junior.

You must be
Squidward Q. Tentacles.

The Q stands for Quincy.

To what do I owe this honor?

Your success has been all
the buzz down at headquarters.

Oh!

So I came straightaway
to offer you

the big promotion.

Finally, someone
recognizes my worth.

[camera shutter clicks]
Oh.

But, first,
you'll need to take

our upper-management course.

Please, step
into my weeniecopter.

♪ ♪

[grunting]

Welcome
to Weenie Hut Senior's!

Oh, wow.

both:
Congratulations, Weenie.

Congratulations, Weenie.
- Congratulations, Weenie.

There sure are a lot
of robots working here.

Yes, robots
are so much more efficient

and sanitary.

Welcome, Weenie.

Please, have a seat.

Now lie back
and think of weenies.

What exactly
is this management course?

Well, you see, Squidward,
we are going to turn you

into the most efficient manager
you can be...

[whimpers]

By turning you into a...
[machinery whirring]

Robot.

Oh, a robot,
well, that sounds just--

[screams]

Help me!

Oh, we are helping you,
Squidward.

You will be...
[machinery whirring]

One of us.

[suspenseful music]

Typical.

[screaming]

[cackling]

[screaming]

Oh!

[cackling]
[cannon fires]

Huh?

Ahoy there, Squidward.

We're here to save you.

How did you even know
I was here?

[cackling]

I knew you were in danger.

My squiddy sense was tingling.

I don't want to know
what that means.

Just get me out of here!

All right, SpongeBob,
load her up.

She's ready!

[grunts] Watch your head.

[grunts]

Whoo-hoo!

Pinchy, pinchy.

[cackling]
Huh?

Cutie, cutie, cutie, cutie.

[screaming]

That brat's gonna burst!

[screaming]
[alarm blaring]

Yummy weenie.

Ow.
- [exclaims]

Looks like we got here
just in time.

Good to see ya, pal.
- Oof!

[machinery whirring]

[screaming]

Order up, Squidward!
[bell dinging]

Gee, it sure is great
to have you back.

Sigh.
Please unplug me.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

"The belly of inspiration
lies in the midst of your gut."

[sighs]

Welp, I better return this
wonderful book to the library

before it's due.

Ah!

[groans]

[grunts]

SpongeBob, what did I tell you
about standing too close to me?

Oh, you said...

[imitating Squidward] If you
keep standing too close to me,

I'm going to trip over you.

I rest my case...

and my face.

[normal voice]
Sorry, Squidward.

I just wanted to invite you
to go with me and Patrick.

We have a really
fun day planned.

Mm!
- Oh, shucks and golly gee.

I really wish
I could come and have big fun

with you and Patrick.

Eeh!

But?

But I have to return
my favorite book

of daily affirmations
to the library by noon,

or I'll have to pay a penalty.

You mean this book?
[clears throat]

"In life, 'tis better to play
hide-and-seek with the trees

than checkers with the wind."

Hey, that's what
Patrick always says.

No, he doesn't.

Get your own affirmations.

[blimp humming overhead]

Hi, SpongeBob.

[grunting]

Here we go!

Ha, 9:00 a.m.--

plenty of time
before the deadline.

Yeah, you have to get up
pretty early in the morning.

And I did.

[mutters]
Ah, there it is--

book returns, top floor.

[elevator bell dings]

both: Hey, Squidward.
Going up?

Ah!
Uh, I'll take the next one.

[elevator bell dinging]

[gasps]

[sighs contentedly]

both: Squidward!
- Huh?

both: Hold the door!

Close the door.
Close the door. Close the door.

[both panting,
elevator bell dinging]

[both straining]

Thanks for holding
the door, Squidward.

[grumbles]

I thought you yo-yos
had a big day of fun planned.

Why aren't you there?

We are there, Squidward,

because today is...

both:
Elevator Riding Day!

Wa-hoo!

[growls]

I feel my anger.

But I am calm
like a plate of linguine.

Patrick, be a dear

and hit the top-floor button
for me, please.

Top floor!

Going up--right after we
hit all these other floors.

[gasps] What are you doing?

Yeah, Patrick,
what are you doing?

You missed one.

Boop.
Every floor counts!

Hey!

Top floor first.
Top floor first.

[electricity crackling]

[elevator rumbling]

Oh, no, we're trapped,
trapped like sardines!

Don't worry, Squidward.

This happens to us
all the time.

Yeah, last week we only had
to wait five hours.

"Five hours"?

That's past
the book-return deadline!

[grunting]

Like a plate of linguine.
[sighs contentedly]

Hey, why don't we just use
the emergency phone

and call for help?

Well, if you want
to do it the easy way.

[line trilling]
- Hello?

Hello.
Oh, thank Neptune.

Oh, thank Neptune.

I didn't think
this phone would work.

I didn't think
this phone would work.

I'm trapped in an elevator.

I'm trapped in an elevator.

Stop saying what I'm saying!

Stop saying what I'm saying.

I really am trapped
in an elevator.

I really am trapped
in an elevator.

[both growling]
- Gosh!

Oh, you're no help at all.

[rasping]
You're no help at all.

both:
Idiot!

[growls]

"Relaxation is the tippy toe
to tranquility."

[sighs]

Now you relax.

Patrick can fix it.

Yeah, my dad
was an elevator surgeon

for a whole day.

He was a what?

Screwdriver.

Hmm.

[grunts]

And now to connect
the right wires.

[electricity fizzing]

That's not it.

Wait, Patrick, don't!

[growls]

Patrick.

[rumbling]

[all screaming]

Enough!
Get me out of here!

[grunting]

[shouts]

Why won't these
stupid doors open?

[elevator bell dings]

Huh?

Squidward!

Grab my hand!

Huh?

[whimpering]

[groans]

[grunting]

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

That was a close one,
huh, Squidward?

What's that?

both:
A door.

[ethereal music]

[straining]
Hurry!

Good luck, losers.

Thanks, Squidward.

Finally, that book
is getting returned on time.

Thank Neptune!

both: Hey, Squidward.
- Huh?

both:
You're back.

[suspenseful musical sting]

[grunts]

both:
Now give us a boost.

"Serenity floats
on an ocean of cheese."

[sighs contentedly]

[stomach growling]

I'm starving.

How long have we been stuck
in here?

Don't worry, Squidward.

While you were out,
I ordered a pizza.

Give me that, you pea brain.

We can call for help.

[cell phone beeping]

Of course.

[elevator bell dings]
- Pizza delivery.

Thanks.

We're saved!

[alarm ringing]
Patrick!

[straining]

All right!
Let's eat!

Eat what?

[stomach growling]

Now I'm starving, and my book
is going to be late.

[grunts]

"Only when all is lost can
you see inside your nostrils

and find yourself."

[sighs contentedly]

[both inhaling,
exhaling deeply]

[grunting]

Oh, ah.

[gasps, laughs]

I'm free!

After 22 years,

I finally got
out of that cursed elevator.

[laughing]

W-what?
Huh?

[elevator bell dings]
Another elevator?

[elevator bell dings]
[screams]

Greetings, stranger.

Welcome to our island
of tranquility.

both: Going up.
[gong sounding]

This is a lot nicer
than my old elevator.

Mind if I stay here a while?

You'll have to ask the king.

both: Going up.
[gong sounding]

The king?
- Did someone say my name?

Oh, wise King Squidward.

This weary traveler
wishes to stay with us.

Please, King,
can we keep him?

Hmm.
Let me consult the book.

[bell dings, ethereal singing]

both: The book.
The book.

"A friend in need is
a servant guaranteed."

[bell dings]

The book says yes!

both: Going up!
[gong sounding]

Of course you can stay
with us, my child.

We'll teach you
the ways of the book.

And you'll get to spend
every day

worshipping me.

[eerie music]

both:
You'll be just like us.

Oh, gee.

Oh, hey, is that the doorbell?

I-I think I left the oven on.

[laughs]
Whoo!

[screams]
[thud]

Listen, my people,

the book says it's time
for me to relax.

[knocking]
Huh?

Hello?
Are you all right in there?

Yes, yes, I'm all right!
Get me out!

Oh, thank you.

Thank you for rescuing me
from these stupid--

Are you Squidward Tentacles?
- Yes.

We've been looking for you.

We're the library police.

You have a withdrawn book
that is now 30 seconds overdue.

And you'll have to pay
the penalty.

What do I owe you--
like, a nickel?

[laughs]
- You're going to library jail.

[sighs contentedly]
Library jail--

how relaxing.

"I appreciate myself
by taking time to recharge

"with my best friend--

me."

[sighs contentedly]

[elevator whirring, bell dings]

both: Oh, wise king,
we missed you so.

Why, Neptune?

Why?

We had overdue books, too.

both: Going up.
[gong sounding]

[grunting]
Going up!