16x08 - Heart of Garbage/ Near-Mint Plankton

[bunniefuu]

[seagull squawking]

Are ya ready, kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish! ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
-Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

[Painty the Pirate laughs]

[jaunty flute music]

Argh!

♪♪

-[chants] Om...
-♪ sitar music playing ♪

Everyone is beneath me.

[chants] Om...

Everyone is beneath me.

-[loud clattering]
-Oof!

♪ music stops ♪

Oh, what now?!

[clattering]

Will you clowns be quiet?!

I am trying to meditate!

[sarcastic tone]
Oh my stars, were we too loud?

Imagine our embarrassment.

The--

The trash goes in the truck,
not on my lawn!

Just put the garbage
where it's supposed to go!

Oh, we'll put it exactly
where it's supposed to go!

-[Squidward grumbling]
-[laughs]

[backup alarm beeping]

-[whistles]
-Hey!

My roof!

[garbled screaming]

[Squidward] Well, this stinks.

[French Narrator]
Six stinky months later...

[indistinct complaining]

[customer] Come on!

That's one Krabby Patty to go
coming right up, sir!

♪ upbeat music playing

-[bell dings]
-Order up!

Enjoy your order, sir.

Next!

♪ music fades out ♪

-[grunting]
-♪ frantic music playing ♪

[bell dings]

[chomping]

[dinging]

[panting]

-[indistinct arguing]
-[screaming]

-[dinging]
-[chomping]

[exhausted whimpering]

-[dings]
-♪ music stops ♪

♪ mellow rock music plays ♪

[SpongeBob] I'm exhausted.

I keep thinking
I'm gonna wake up

back in the lunch rush.

I've been on my break
for five minutes

and all I can think about
is getting my next order.

-♪ music stops abruptly
-Why are you on the floor, lad?

Sorry, Mr. Krabs,
just taking a break.

Break?!

Since when did you

start taking breaks?!

Since I started doing
both my job

and Squidward's
at the same time.

Squidward didn't show up today?

Squidward hasn't come to work
in six months!

Really?

I just can't keep up
the pace, Mr. Krabs.

I'll go to his house
to see if he's okay.

Whoa there, laddie,
you have two jobs to cover!

You can go visit Squidward
when you're off the clock.

You sure he's in there?

Look at his mailbox!

And that smell coming
from his house.

It's... [gags]

...unusual.

Oh, phew! I thought it was me!

We really should check up
on him.

Sure,
I got nothing better to do.

[clattering]

Squidward?

Are you home?

[garbage squelches, clatters]

-[both gasp]
-♪ tense musical stinger

Squidward's really
let the place go.

-[gasps]
-♪ mellow rock music plays ♪

You remind me of a SpongeBob
and a Patrick I knew

in the outer world.

Bubble Bass!
What are you doing here?

Sometimes you dumpster dive
and find collectibles,

other times you end up lost

in an un-ending trash world.

Neat!

Hey, have you seen Squidward?

I don't know any Squidward,

but you could ask
the Exalted One!

Who now?

I only wish I had the words!

I am nothing, a zero!

He's perfection,
the duke of debris!

-[record scratch]
-Do you know where he is or not?

Fine.

Go that way.

[liquid dripping]

[SpongeBob] It is a long
and treacherous journey.

But we press on.

Garbage gas is everywhere

and it seems to be
making people silly.

Sorry to interrupt
your narrating

but I gotta use the can.

-[Patrick grunting]
-[garbage clatters]

Hey, SpongeBob, could you hand
me that magazine over there?

This might take a while.

[grunts] Here you go, Patrick!

-[SpongeBob screams, grunts]
-♪ ominous music plays

Boing!

♪ surf rock music plays ♪

Aw, righteous, dude!

-♪ music stops
-Ah! Patrick, look!

-It's a bottomless chasm!
-♪ ominous music plays ♪

Jump!

-[laughs]
-♪ music fades out ♪

How are we going to cross that?

Yeah, I guess
Squidward's lost forever.

Let's go home.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[gasps]

[chattering continues]

[chomps and chews]

Urchins play cards?

Oh, not just cards. Bridge!

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yeah.

Tiny sandwiches.

Uh, no.

Follow my lead.

[both whistling]

Well, what do we have here?

Oh! Look, SpongeBob,
a friendly card game

is right here!

Oh boy,
do I love to play bridge!

You guys got room for two mor--

Sweet Neptune! A pterodactyl!

Run!

[urchins scream]

I got the sandwiches.

-[gulps]
-And I got the cards!

How are bridge cards gonna help?

By building a suspension
of disbelief bridge!

[urchins grumbling angrily]

Run!

[Patrick and SpongeBob whimper]

Whoa! Ay!

Phew!

[urchins grumbling]

Missed me!

-♪ sitar music playing ♪
-[SpongeBob] Nyah!

"The Exalted One's lair.
Stay out."

-♪ music stops
-Hmm...

♪ mellow rock music playing ♪

You made it this far,

but you still must pass
the booby traps up ahead!

♪ music fades out ♪

♪ menacing music plays ♪

Looks like some sort
of tube of socks.

Stinky socks.

-Careful!
-Easy does it!

[whooshes]

Breeze!

[both whimper and gag]

Eww, that smell!

This lagoon
must be pure garbage juice,

so don't let it touch--

[burbling]

[gasps]

♪ mysterious music plays ♪

I think this is
where Squidward is.

What makes you say that?

You speak of the Exalted One,

the raja of rubbish,

-the--
-Squidward.

Oh, he is beyond Squidward now.

He is a great man

who has risen above the cycle
of consuming and discarding.

He has been waiting
in the heart of garbage!

Enter.

Okay.

The garbage gas
is really stinky in here.

It's making me dizzy.

You?

No more than usual.

♪ tense music playing ♪

Squidward?

What is the value of a man?

What is the price of a pickle?

While you ponder that, man,

I'm going to play
something sick-el.

[playing discordant jazz music]

Look, Patrick,
everyone is into it!

-[music stops]
-[giggles maniacally]

[laughs]

The gas has affected his mind!

[laughing maniacally]

Squidward! It's SpongeBob!

I've come to get you
out of here!

You're nothing
but an errand boy!

No, he's a patty laddie!

You're welcome.

Patty laddie?

Yeah, a patty laddie
from the Krusty Krab!

We worked there together!

The Krusty Krab?

I'm beginning to remember...

Yes! I hated my job!

And Patrick and I
are your neighbors!

♪ upbeat music plays ♪

Yes. Yes!

I hated my neighbors too!

I remember! I remember!

Welcome home, Squidward!

-Mwah!
-Ugh!

Why is my home filled
with garbage?!

And what is that gassy smell?!

My place is ruined.

You can see the ruin better
in the light.

Good thing I brought
this fully lit candelabra!

No, no, no! Patrick, the gas!

[whooshes]

[urchins grumbling]

[whooshes]

At least the garbage
isn't in your house anymore.

Worst garbage cult ever!

My house...

Well, goodbye, SpongeBob.

-Goodbye, Squidward.
-Goodbye, Patrick!

See you at work tomorrow...

Exalted One!

[sighs]

♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

Hurry, hurry!

Get your collectible
special edition Krabby Patty

-with extra pickles!
-♪ fanfare plays ♪

Act now!

Supplies are limited!

-Oh, give me one!
-I want six!

[indistinct chatter]

[in Italian accent]
Coming through! Outta my way!

May I take your order?

Yes!

I am, uh, a prominent
mustache-ologist.

Yes, that's it.

And I would like
a special edition Krabby Patty.

Mustache-ologist, huh?

-Oof!
-Ooh! A real mustache expert!

I have so many questions.

Do you prefer mustache wax
or beard oil?

Uh... That's a tough one.
[chuckles nervously]

Um... beard oil?

-Oof!
-Beard oil?

Everyone knows
mustache wax is superior!

How else do you think
I got these whiskery curls!

This so-called expert doesn't
know a thing about mustaches!

-Ya!
-Youch!

Plankton!

I thought I smelled
something green and stinky!

Nice fake mustache.

I spent six months
growing that mustache.

[Plankton screams and grunts]

I'll never get a Krabby Patty.

It's not like it's gonna just
walk out of the restaurant

on a silver platter.

♪ heavenly choir plays

Ah, another excellent addition
to my collection

of special edition
Krabby Patties.

I stand corrected!

This is my chance
to finally get a patty

without that blasted Krabs
getting in my way!

[inhales and whistles]
Come on, Karen!

Sorry, sweetie, but I have
a one-caper-a-day maximum.

I'm going home
to defrag my hard drive.

I guess I'll have
to hitch my own ride!

-[foghorn blows]
-Yuck!

[Bubble Bass] Mother!
I'll be in the basement!

You'll be nice and safe
in my secure collector's vault!

[Plankton groans]

[groaning]

[beeps]

♪ bombastic spy music playing ♪

[Bubble Bass]
Hmm, now where should I put you,

my precious little patty?

-♪ music fades out
-[grunting]

-♪ contemplative music plays ♪
-Hmm.

I'll place it next to my Chatty,

Fatty, and Bratty Patties.

[blows raspberry]

[Mama Bass] Bubble Bass, get up
here and rub my tootsies!

[shudders] Yes, Mother!

♪ music stops ♪

[laughs maniacally]

I'll finally obtain
a Krabby Patty

thanks to that goofy geek!

[grunting]

Whoa!

Wah! Ow!

Oh!

[groaning]

[Bubble Bass]
What was that noise?

Uh-oh, can't let
that bulbous buffoon find me!

[grunts]

Show yourself, foul intruder!

[shrieks]

My special edition Sinister Slug

with super slime!

Hmm, I'll have to re-seal
the package.

[chuckles] Perfect!

Like it was never opened.

Now don't go causing
any more trouble.

I'll see you soon, my lovelies!

[Mama Bass] Bubble Bass!

My foot butter is getting cold!

[shudders]

Phew!

Now to get my Krabby Patty!

[grunting]

Uh-oh. I may have a problem.

Well, I'm sure Karen will notice
that I'm gone and come find me.

[stomach grumbles]

Ugh, I'm getting hungry...

-[chomps]
-[elephant trumpets]

Blegh! Well, it still
tastes better than chum.

[chomping]

[French Narrator]
Several weeks later.

[beeping]

[yawns]

Nothing beats a thorough
defragging, eh, Plankton?

Plankton?

-Where is he?
-♪ tense music plays

[sighs] I'd better check
the usual spots!

Oh hi, Karen!

Here to steal
the secret formula again?

Nah, I'm off the clock.

Just looking
for Plankton actually.

-Have you seen him?
-Golly.

I haven't seen him in weeks.

But let's check all the Plankton
traps, just in case.

-Not here.
-Empty.

Not here either.

Where could he be hiding?

Don't you worry, Karen.

I'll help you
track Plankton down!

Track him? That's it!

I installed a tracking chip
on Plankton

in case he got washed
down the drain...

again.

[sonar whirring and beeping]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

Plankton's signal
is coming from that way!

[echoing chomping]

Phew!
That's the last of the goo.

Guess I'll move on to my limbs.

[chewing]

Ow!

I've got to get out of here!

[grunting]

Whoa!

[groans]

[metal squeaks]

Huh?

Ouch!

Hold on, I can use this
to burn a hole

big enough to get out
of this kooky toy prison!

[grunts and laughs]

[alarm beeping]

[heavy footsteps]

Fire?!

My Sinister Slug toy!

-But how did you get down here?
-[beeping stops]

Mother must have been practicing
her aerobics again!

-[doorbell rings]
-Hm? Ooh!

Maybe my official Barnacle Boy
acne cream has arrived!

♪ dejected musical stinger ♪

Oh. It's you two.
How disappointing.

Go away!

Hello, Bubble Bass,
is Plankton here?

Who?

Short, green, smells like chum.

I do not associate
with such sordid individuals!

Now, if you don't mind...

Maybe your tracker's
on the blink!

Oh, he's in there.

Let's come back later

for a little reconnaissance.

-[grunting]
-♪ ominous music playing ♪

Lock me away, will ya?

Once I rewire
these plastic doodads

into a universal remote,

I'll take over these toys,
knock that nerd out,

grab the Krabby Patty,

-and escape!
-[buzzes]

-♪ tense music plays
-[vibrating]

Yes! [laughs maniacally]

Yes!

[French Narrator]
Later that night.

♪ sneaky music playing ♪

Okay, here's the plan:

While you disable
the surveillance cameras,

I'll reverse engineer
the access codes

and use my magnetic resonator

to unlock the high security
deadbolt locks.

Whoops!
Hey, this window's unlocked.

Or we could use the window.

He must be in there.

This must be some kind
of facial recognition scanner.

I don't think those
are the right kind of cheeks.

Huh, it's a booty-metric
scanner.

We'll need Bubble Bass
to open it.

[Bubble Bass] Mother!

I'll be in the basement

organizing
my Mermaid Man memorabilia!

[Mama Bass] Why don't you
organize your resume

and get a job?

[angrily] Mother!

-We need to hide!
-Over there!

We'll have to wait
until he falls asleep.

I think I can speed
things up a little.

[sniffs] Ooh!

A triple tryptophan
turkey Krabby Patty!

A Thanksgiving exclusive!

Mother told me never look
a gift patty in the buns.

[chomps and gulps]

[sighs in satisfaction]

[snoring]

No one is immune to the ol'
post-turkey patty food coma.

[Bubble Bass snoring]

[whirring]

[beeping]

Time to meet your doom,
you smelly simpleton!

♪ tense music playing ♪

Sheldon J. Plankton, you come
down from there this instant!

Karen?! Sorry about
the missiles, sweetie pie!

[yawns] What is all that racket?

-Huh?
-Hello again!

Toy thieves!

Activate
ultimate lockdown protocol!

-[Bubble Bass grunts]
-[buzzes]

[alarm blaring]

These packing peanuts
will preserve everything

in my basement
in mint condition.

Even us!

[laughs maniacally]

Bubble Bass! It's dinner time!

So get up here
and start cooking!

Ugh!
What nonsense is he up to now?

Are you playing
with your toys in there?

[grunting]

[Bubble Bass] No, Mother.

Now get me out of here!

Oh no!

Let this be a lesson to you

and your little friends

not to horse around
in the house!

[Bubble Bass] Yes, Mother.

Ooh! A Krabby Patty.

-[chomps]
-No!

[Bubble Bass] Mother!

♪♪