01x21 - Smart Lair/Hot Soup: The Game

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

- [shrieks]

- [together] We are mummies. Give us your soul.

- [flatly] Help me, Lou Jitsu.

- Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy, mummies?

- [together] Oh, no. - [grunts]

- [sighs] Man, I never get to be a mummy.

- Fine, be a mummy--

if you can beat Tazan the mummy king!

- Where do you think you four are going?

- A rooftop showing of the rare

"Lou Jitsu Meets the Mummy Ninjas"

[all groan theatrically] - Well, let me know how it is

after you see it some other time,

because tonight, you all stay in and clean!

- No! The classic pause

followed by a rug-pull of our plans.

I hate those! - Come on, Pops.

We cleaned last year. - Yeah.

Plus, it ain't even dirty.

[flies buzzing]

[slime sloshes]

- [chuckles] Uh, we should find the turtles who did that

and get them to clean up.

- Now we're gonna miss the movie!

- Not necessarily. I may have a...

- Please don't say "fix," bro.

- A fix, bro. - Ugh!

We'll be here all night fixing your fix.

- Scoff! Prepare to-- - Uh-nuh-nuh-nuh!

And don't say "eateth thy words."

- Eateth thy words!

- You always say that, but we never do.

- [grunts] - Not amusing, Leo.

- Relax, bud. I'm just saving you

from another epic fail. It's all good.

Despite your juvenile antics and complete lack of faith,

I give you all... Shelldon!

- Good morrow, kind sirs. - Uh-oh.

- Shelldon is our automated smart lair.

[tools whirring]

Here to make our lives comfy, cozy,

and completely free of menial chores.

♪ ♪

Applause. And applause.

And waiting for your applause.

- Gnarly! - Great job, bro.

- Okay.

But what can he do for me?

- With my help, snacks are only a split second away.

- Hey! No, no, no, no!

[shouting]

[grunts]

Whoo-hoo! I never have to use my legs again.

Good job, Purple.

- Allow me to tidy up, gentlemen.

And if you'd like,

I could play that Lou Jitsu movie for you now.

[dramatic music playing]

- Whoa! - Oh, yeah.

- Dude! - What?

- Shelldon is crushing it, Donnie.

- What, Raphael? I cannot hear you

over you eateth-ing thy words.

Zing!

- [chuckles] Good one, sir.

[gong clangs]

- [laughs] - Oh, yeah!

- [voice vibrating] Ah...

How 'bout some music, Shelly, baby?

[gadgets bloop, electronic music plays]

Ugh! You got anything less ear-bleeding?

This is awful!

- Correction:

this is Master Donnie's number one playlist.

- My fave songs to which I may jammy-jam.

- Great massage, bro.

You know, this is your first non-boneheaded invention.

- [gasps] How dast you insult one as selfless and as pure

as Master Donatello?

- What he said. - Coollax.

I'm just razzing him, bud.

- Are we talking or "Crazy Copter"-ing?

I'm laying a hurt on you here, bro!

- No, no-no-no-no. I will not be defeated.

- [grunts, shouts]

- Ha-ha. - What was that?

Did Shelldon make my game glitch?

- I would never. - He would never!

Oh, look. I won the game.

A victory massage please, Shelldon.

[gadgets bloop]

[sighs] - Hey!

- Where'd my relax go?

- Oh, yeah, tennis ball massages are the best.

Oh, yeah! - Hey!

Did you program him to be your best bud or something?

- I would never! - He would never.

- Please. Nothing is more important to me

than the happiness and comfort of my brothers.

- Oh! [shouts] - [laughing]

[shouts]

- [grunts]

[slurps, spits]

[groans] My hot soup is now only luke-hot--AKA cold.

- Humblest apologies.

Perhaps this new upgrade I installed may help.

- Flying microwave?

What is next? Talking waffle irons?

Hot soup!

[all groaning]

- [sniffs] - Hmm.

- [together] Pizza!

- Yow!

The vacuums have lasers?

- Those are Master Donatello's slices.

- Whoa, whoa. Sorry, Shelly.

House rules: leftovers are fair game.

Hey! [grumbles]

You asked for it. Boys.

[wildcat roars]

[grunts]

Too easy. Computers aren't so smart.

[sinister music]

♪ ♪

[all shouting]

[all exhale] - I'm starting to think

this whole Shelldon smart lair thing is a scam.

Donnie's just getting back at us for picking on him.

- Never. [all yelp]

He's too beautiful for that. I promise.

I am here to serve all of you--

right after I deliver Master Donatello all the pizza.

- Uh, the microwave flies? - What?

- A pizza butler? It is good to be Donnie.

[electronic music thudding over speakers]

- You are the bravest turtle, Donatello.

And strongest. And hunkiest. You are a real dreamboat.

You are the bravest turtle, Donatello.

And strongest.

And hunkiest. You are a real dreamboat.

You are the bravest turtle, Donatello.

And strongest. And hunkiest.

- [grunts, groans] - You are a real dreamboat.

You are the greatest turtle, Donatello.

And strongest.

[gong clangs]

- I can't live like this.

Shelldon's turning our home into Donnie Land!

- We gotta take Donnie down a peg.

- But how? He's so brave and strong,

and he's such a dreamboat!

Wait, why did I just say that?

- Too bad Shelldon doesn't love our favorite things.

- That's it.

We should beat Donnie at his own game.

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

- Excuse me, gentlemen. May I help you?

- Ha, we are good, my friend.

[glass shattering] Red wire here.

Blue wire there. The chippy thingy

into the prongy thingy.

Reprogramulating is easy!

- I'm not sure this is-- whoa-h*-h*-h*!

Gnarly upgrades, dudes!

[energetic music plays]

- Mmm. [smacks lips] You know,

I could really go for an ivory-billed woodpecker omelet.

- Sorry, bro.

Like, those went extinct in '. [chuckles]

- I hear problems, but not solutions.

And what is wrong with your voice?

- A little tweakage to the 'wave,

and extinct eggs coming right up!

[tense music]

- Yummy in my tummy.

Hmm?

- [bleats] - Dinosaurs?

You time-traveled.

Oh, my dream of traveling through time

solving mysteries with a microwave

may still come true!

- Yeah, okay, old man.

- [cackling] - [laughs] Best brother ever!

- I've always thought so.

- Not you. Shelldon.

- Back at you, Mikey!

Too bad our buzzkill fifth wheel

had to crash the party.

- That is an unexpectedly harsh greeting.

Now then, what is for brekkie today?

- Burritos!

- Tempting, but my culinary needs are more refined.

One flavorless juice, Shelldon.

- Fine! Ugh.

Flavorless juice is served.

- [shouts]

[laughter]

I demand to be cleansed immediately.

- Okeydokey.

[rapid beeping]

- No! No, no, no!

This is not actually cleansing me!

- Uh-huh. No fun when Shelldon isn't doing

what you like, is it, D?

- What have you rapscallions done?

Did you mess with his programming?

- [together] We would never. - They would never!

- Shelly, music.

[laidback beats play]

- Check this out, dudes.

Come on, dance, Donnie, dance! - No! No, no! No lasers!

And more importantly, turn off that music!

- Nice moves, Donnie. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

- Uh, well played, Shelly, but you can stop now.

- Sorry, R-Dawg. Party's just getting started.

As soon as I give Donnie the boot,

us real bros can bro out.

- [yelping]

- Okay, that's enough.

Time to chill, Shelldon. Joke's over.

[all grunt]

- Come on, bros.

Just let me turn Donnie into turtle dust,

and then I can be your fourth brother.

so let me just finish him off. It'll be excellent.

- You three messed with his circuitry!

- [together] We would never. - They. Would. Never.

[dramatic music]

[all shout]

♪ ♪

- [panting] - Hey, there you guys are.

- You can't be our fourth brother.

- Beg to differ with you, bros.

Like it or not, I'm in and Donnie's out.

♪ ♪

- Just admit it, Donnie. You made him favor you over us.

- You made him try to vaporize me.

- Enough whining, Donnie!

♪ ♪

[laughs] I love having brothers!

- Punches! - Ha!

- Pow! - Yah!

- Awesome! This is like a fun game of tag,

except with punches.

[all shout]

[all grunting]

- Oh, no.

[shouts] No, no, no, no.

[shouts, grunts]

[struggling]

- Time to snip a branch off the family tree.

- If I am to perish, tell me the truth, brethren:

you reprogrammed him. I promise, no hard feelings.

- Don't fall for it.

- Okay, fine. We did.

- I knew it! Hard feelings! Massive hard feelings!

Well, at least I shall go to my end

knowing I was the better brother.

- No, way. You totally programmed me to favor you.

both: I knew it!

- [shouting]

- Shelldon! No, stop!

If you really wanna be our fourth brother, Shelly,

fly your microwave butleron over.

It's burrito time. - Yeah, bro.

- That would so hit the spot, bro-ham.

♪ ♪

- [gulps]

♪ ♪

- Oh, why didn't you say so, bud?

Burritos coming right up for my bros!

- [shouts]

- Not cool, bro!

♪ ♪

- Whoa! Man. [exhales] What a day.

Great invention, Donnie.

Now you just gotta invent something

to clean up all of Shelldon's mess.

- This sounds like a job for Shelldon ..

- [together] No!

- Which will not play favorites.

- What did you do?

You destroyed my detective microwave friend!

- [together] We would never!

- They would never.

[lively music playing]

- Action star Lou Jitsu is back

in "Hot Soup: The Game"!

- [sniffs] Ah.

Oh! - [cackles]

Your soup is mine.

- I will fight my way up to you, Boss Level.

- levels of chop-socky violence!

- [grunts]

- [screams]

- [shouts]

- Hot soup!

♪ ♪

[all gasp]

- Lou Jitsu was in a video game?

- We gotta get it. We gotta get it!

Accessing worldwide inter-tubes.

Hmm. Lou Jitsu nunchucks, Lou Jitsu sunglasses--oh!

Here it is.

Lou Jitsu's "Hot Soup: The Game."

Montes Auction House. Buy it now!

Click!

[gong sounds]

Oh, baby!

We are the proud owners of one very old mint-condition copy

of "Hot Soup: The Game"!

- Wait a minute, you bought it at an auction house?

How are we gonna pick it up with, uh, this whole situation?

- That's not your problem, 'cause I'm gonna go get it--

by myself. - What? By yourself?

Are you out of your ooze-twisted mind?

- I'm not a baby, Raph. I got the "squills,"

the moves, the ninja realness!

I'm ready for my first solo mission.

- Of course you are-- in seven to ten years.

Right now, it's just too dangerous.

- I say we let him go, Raph.

You went out on your own when you were his age.

- Yeah, but when I was his age, I was two years older.

- What is up with your math?

- Donnie, would you please talk some sense into these guys?

- Hmm?

Yeah, yeah, whatever Leo said is probably right.

- Thanks for believing in me, Donnie.

- [grunts] - Leo, I love you.

As for you, Raph, you get last game!

- Hey.

- Mikey out! - [snarls]

- [laughs]

- Hey, Mikey, you forgot your--

[groans]

- [grunting]

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

Oh, baby, I should've brought candles,

'cause this is a piece of cake.

♪ ♪

[tense music]

- You have shown great skill

as a new recruit of the Foot Clan.

Your final test is a mission

you must complete entirely on your own.

- Excellent.

What enemy of our clan

am I to crush between my fists?

[intense music]

- Uh, no crushing.

You are here to receive a mysterious artifact

that was said to be in the possession

of action film star Lou Jitsu.

- Oh, he was the best!

- Oh, yeah.

"Jitsu for Justice"? That's my favorite.

It's the movie that got me interested in crime.

- Ooh, and "Punch Chowder."

He defeats an entire organized crime mob

using clamshells as his only weapon.

- [together] "Hot Soup"!

- Hai, senseis.

I will study these important motion pictures.

- Uh, anywho,

you are to enter the auction house

and retrieve any Lou Jitsu merchandise.

- I will tear this place asunder

until I find every Lou Jitsu item within its walls.

- Okay, okay, okay. Shh, shh, shh.

Love the intensity, but let's just go stealth.

No muss, no fuss.

- Foot Clan!

- Somebody had her coffee.

♪ ♪

- [exhales] Okay, Magic Mike,

time to snag that game, go home,

and rub it in Raph's face.

[gasps]

No! [yelps]

How much they want for this?

Ooh, it's got a feather! [blows]

- Who are you? - [screams]

- What are you doing here? - I'm a customer

here to pick up my Lou Jitsu video game.

- Lou Jitsu?

- Are you narrowing your eyes because you like Lou Jitsu?

- Lou Jitsu!

Yes, "Punch Chowder" is my favorite

motion picture film movie.

- Oh, okay. Well then--

[gasps] What the?

- I shall return. Stay here and do nothing!

[grunting]

- [grunts]

- [grunting]

- Recruit, what's wrong?

- There's someone here.

A talking turtle.

And he is asking about Lou Jitsu merchandise!

- Those turtles again?

They must be after the artifact too.

- Oh, yeah, you're gonna need help.

We'll be right o-- - No, no. You know the rules.

To pass, she must complete her mission by herself.

- Senseis, permission to vanquish his soul

to the depths of oblivion?

- Yeah, sure. - Okay, why not?

- What if he destroys her instead?

- Well, then, we promote Jocelyn instead.

I mean, we go through a recruit a week, right?

- Hmm. Something's up.

She says she works here, but the lights are off.

But maybe there's a power outage.

But she didn't care about this whole situation.

Eh, but maybe she thought I was in costume.

But she did like "Punch Chowder."

But only criminals like "Punch Chowder"!

[grunts]

[driving music]

Hey! What's the big idea?

- An enemy of the Foot much perish.

You will not claim the artifact.

- But I have a receipt.

- [panting]

- [shouts]

[both grunting]

Is this how you normally treat customers?

Ow! 'Cause if it is, I'd like to speak

to your supervisor! [shouts]

[grunts]

[music plays on record player] - [laughs]

♪ ♪

- [screams]

Huh? What? I'm not paying for that.

- Ha-ha! - [screams]

- Ha! - [grunts]

[groans]

- [grunts] - [screams]

♪ ♪

[exhales]

Hey, it's my game!

You're getting that soup, Lou, baby.

Solo mission complete.

- Hiyah!

- [screams]

[dramatic music]

- [gasps] Lou Jitsu.

The artifact. Give it to me!

- I said I own it fair and square!

♪ ♪

[door clicking]

[grunts]

- Ha! [panting]

- [whimpers]

[grunts]

♪ ♪

[both struggling]

[cell phone ringing]

- Shell-o?

- Hey, buddy. Uh, just checking in,

making sure you're, uh, okay. Everything okay?

You're okay, right?

- Yes, Raph, I'm fine!

Uh, I've got everything under control-- [screams]

[debris clatters]

- I have the artifact!

And you won't leave

until I've smashed your shell into powder.

- What? Hey, who was that?

- [yelps]

- Just a--um, uh, a pushy clerk

trying to sell me the extended warranty.

Heh. I'm not interested!

I'm totally fine. Mikey out.

[cell phone beeps]

- My overprotective brother sense is tingling.

Donnie, tap into their security camera.

- Oh, sure, let me just load

my "tap into every security camera in New York" app.

I'm sorry if that sounded like sarcasm.

It wasn't. I am in.

[mellow music]

- Oh. I guess he's okay.

- [yelps] - [grunts]

- That's it! Mikey needs us.

♪ ♪

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

- [yelps]

♪ ♪

Hiyah!

- You...can't... hit...me!

- [grunts, gasps]

Aww! Now that's cute. - Ha-ha!

Knife throw! - [yelps]

You monster!

♪ ♪

Back to me, Lou, baby!

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- Ha-ha!

[grunts]

[device chimes] - Hello, you.

How's everything going?

- [groans] It's under control. I'll be out in a minute!

[intense music]

Hiyah!

- [groans] Ooh!

- You're finished, turtle scum.

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

[both grunt]

[groans]

- Yeah!

[yelps] - No!

- And Raph thought I couldn't do this all by myself.

Ha! Solo mission complete.

- Mikey! We're here to rescue you, buddy.

- [shouts, groans]

[tense music]

- I'm just gonna take a quick look.

- I told you... [device humming]

she must prove herself a-- ooh, hello?

What's this? - They're all there.

It's an ambush!

- I had it in my hands! I was literally ready to leave!

What part of "by myself" don't you understand?

[string twangs] - Aw, little man.

- What? Say what?

- I mean big man.

I will open up my apology wallet

and give you a big stack of-- - Yeah, yeah.

Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned.

We've got a video game to play, so vámonos, hermanos.

- Ha-ha! [turtles gasp]

♪ ♪

[all grunting]

- [shouts]

[grunts]

- Ha! Solo mission complete.

[yelps]

- We're here to rescue you.

- No! I had it in my hands! I was literally ready to leave.

What part of "by myself" don't you understand?

- Yeah, she gets it.

- Stay out of this, you little pip-squeak.

- Whoa! Whose brother you calling a pip-squeak, toe head?

- Maybe you're the pip-squeak.

- I'll protect you, Mikey! - [grunts]

[mysterious music]

- Wait a minute.

That is not the artifact we seek.

- Wha--i--it's the only Lou Jitsu thing here.

- Well, then, your mission is a bust--

on a technicality, of course.

But don't be discouraged.

The road to success is paved with miles of failure.

♪ ♪

- I shall prove I am worthy next time!

- Yes, yes, I know.Come.

We'll get a nice falafel.

[both grunting]

[quirky music]

- Chop-socky violence, here we come!

[heavenly choral music]

Sure you don't want first game, Raph?

- [groans] [laughter]

- Oh, I earned it? Why, thank you.

[game chimes]

[lo-fi music]

♪ ♪

What? Lou Jitsu's a beige rectangle?

This is a rip-off!

- Whoa! Lou Jitsu's "Hot Soup: The Game"?

Look at those realistic ripped abs.

[laughs] I will fight my way up to you, Boss Level!