02x02 - Todd Scouts/Goyles, Goyles, Goyles

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

- Your enemies have you in their grasp.

Now think.

Your next move could be your last.

[all grunting]

- [frustrated sigh]

- [grunting] - [panting]

- [shrieks] - Yes, yes, you're getting it!

- [grunting] Hmm.

[cell phone bleeping]

- Wait. What are you doing?

- I am looking up

how to get us out.

- Oh-h*-h*! Great thinking, Donnie.

- No! That is not what ninjas do.

- Got it!

We just need to push forward to trigger the release.

And...voilà.

[all grunt]

- Oh! - Ah!

- Ninjas need to be able to think

their way out of a problem.

- We did with our phones. - [groans]

- What if you don't have your phones?

- Who took our phones?

- No one, they just,

uh--they just stopped working.

- What's the point of even living then?

[whimpering]

- That is it!

We are going to the woods!

- The what?

[ominous music]

- [inhales] Ahh.

You hear that?

That is the sound of no phones.

[cell phones bleeping]

[growling]

Give me those!

[whooshes]

[grunting]

[growling]

You will come back better ninjas or not at all!

- He'll be back.

Right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's gonna turn around right...he's gone.

- I need my phone, and my phone needs me.

We can't survive in the woods!

- That's why I'm here.

Hey-hey! h*-h*!

Ha-ha! Hey, guys.

all: Todd?

- How'd you get here?

- We drove up together...

in your tank, like, ten minutes ago.

[cell phones bleeping]

We're gonna learn knot tying,

berry picking, sun blocking,

and learning to be best friends.

You don't remember this?

all: Uh...

- Duh. both: No.

- Welcome to Todd Scouts,

where fun meets wilderness survival skills.

- I don't think I'm gonna make it.

- Guys, if we run,

we can still catch Splinter.

[ropes whip]

- That is a triple leg snare knot,

a Todd Trap.

Knots are how you make

two ropes into friends.

[bodies thud]

Now let's get learning.

Survival lesson one: food.

We have none.

So what would you eat?

Wrong, wrong, wrong... - Eh?

- You're terrible. Stop!

Never eat those. You hear me?

Those are no-no berries!

Don't forget. [laughs]

Lesson two: shelter.

When looking for the perfect shelter,

make sure it has protection elements

and a water source for drinking.

[majestic music]

♪ ♪

[muffled] Who's hungry?

Lesson three: fire,

nature's stove.

Lesson four: where am I?

Is what you might say if you're lost.

A Todd Scout navigates by the sun.

- When is he gonna teach us how to survive boredom?

- Psht. Up here.

I got something to show you,

but you gotta ditch Todd.

- We can't. Once he gets through

all this boring stuff, he's bound to get

to the good stuff.

- Okay, now you guys are in for a treat.

- See? - Wild animal calls!

[quacking]

[chittering]

[barking]

Okay, that's domesticated.

I fooled you guys, all right?

[quacking] - We're in.

Leo. - On it.

- [laughs]

- [roaring] - Todd, buddy.

Wow, you've been working out.

Listen, I think we're ready to take this up a notch.

How about we show you what we can do alone?

- Fantastic.

Go be a Todd. [sniffles]

[bell chimes]

- I couldn't take it anymore,

being away from the world, technology,

my sweet, sweet phone.

So I built--behold Donnie Town!

Also known as Donnie-Opolis,

Donnie Estates, Park Le Donnie, Donistan,

Notre-Don, or Donstantinople.

I still haven't landed on one.

[funky music]

[squeaking]

♪ ♪

[whirring]

♪ ♪

- Now this is camping.

- Todd Scouts, not for us. - Agreed.

- Boredom survival tip number one: ditch Toddy.

- [gasps] - Hmm?

- You ditched me?

What even is this place?

[sniffles]

Well, I guess you guys have

advanced past survival to betrayal.

- It's not what it looks like.

- Well, now you're probably too cool

for my Todd Scouts Lemonade Especial,

and it's made with extra...love.

[sobbing]

Oh! [grunts]

Let me fix that.

Sorry you got caught up in this.

There you go.

[sobs]

[body thuds] [grunts]

[wailing]

- Ugh, we really beefed this good.

We should probably go apologize.

- All we need to do is explain

it's not Todd we don't like.

It's just everything he stands for.

- Help! [cries]

- Hey, what do you think those guys are doing to Todd?

[tires screech]

- No! He's been Todd-napped!

- How are we supposed to find him

if we don't even know where we are?

Where's my phone?

- They probably took him

back to their campsite, wherever that is.

- I mean, it's gotta be near water,

because, lesson two: shelter should be near water.

That's it. They're at the river.

What is happening? Did you hear that?

I actually learned something!

- Hey, look at us.

We don't even need our phones

for this one super specific mission.

But in general, and I cannot make this clear enough,

I need my phone.

- Hey.

Let's use everything Todd taught us

and go save him!

[rousing music]

[whistling bright melody]

all: Todd Scouts!

[rips]

- All right, let's roll.

Shut it down, boys!

[squeaking]

[expl*si*n booms]

[clatters]

- His teeth are massive, Doctor.

- Yes, they are, Doctor.

They're beautiful.

- What kind of doctors are you?

- We're dentists who have a particular interest

in collecting rare and exotic teeth,

and we've got you now, Sasquatch.

[laughs menacingly]

- Are we sure this is a Sasquatch, Doctor?

He's pretty small. - Oh, who cares?

His central incisors will look amazing

on my trophy wall.

[laughing]

- You guys seem like really good friends.

I want you to cherish that.

I had friends once, but I...

[sniffles] I bored 'em away.

[sobs]

Do what you want to me! - Okay, enough.

This squatch is really bumming me out.

- Painfully ripping his tooth from the root

will cheer you up, Doctor.

- [sighs] You know me so well.

Suction!

[tool sucking]

[gasps] Oh, the Nature Force found us.

Cavity stations, men. Floss the perimeter!

[tense music]

[tool c*ck] I'll go left. You go right.

Come back with a bicuspid or don't come back at all.

[eerie music]

- Ah!

- Two down, three to go. Mikey, how's part two coming?

- It's ready.

Watch and see why

they're called no-no berries.

- [gasps] [stomach growls]

[both belch, yell]

- Now to get Todd. Scouts, on me.

[stealthy music]

- Clear over here. both: Clear.

- % opaque.

♪ ♪

[thuds]

- Todd, are you okay?

Oh, you look terrible.

- No, I'm fine.

Just--just go, leave me.

- Todd, I'm really sorry my brothers said

those terrible things about you,

and again, it was just them, not me.

- Why don't we leave the apologies to the pro?

Todd, you're our friend,

and we should never have been such jerks to you.

We're really, really sor-- - Apology accepted!

You really are good at that. Wow!

[engine revs]

- Surprise!

[dramatic music]

Tooth Fairies--ah!

Get me that squatch.

- Are these guys dentists?

- Run! - [screams]

- [laughs menacingly]

Those big, beautiful buckteeth trophies are mine!

[laughs menacingly]

- Ah! My arm!

I'm hit!

[tense music]

- Huh. [groans]

- Ugh.

- They are firing numbing darts,

which is totally on brand.

[speech slurring] No one get hit

by the numbing darts.

- [gasps]

- Leave us, Todd, save yourself.

- A Todd Scout never leaves a fellow Todd behind.

On your six, Todd leader!

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- Where is he? Sasquatch!

- [sighs] - Where are you?

- Don't worry about us, Todd.

We've got shelter and food and--

- And I've got this canteen of Todd's Lemonade Especial

for drinking.

- Wait. My lemonade?

Bingo! Stand back!

This is gonna get wild!

[gulping]

[grunting]

[exciting rock music]

Lemon rush!

♪ ♪

[growls]

[birds squawking]

[engine revs]

- [gasps] - What is that?

- [chittering]

- [laughs]

[exciting rock music continues]

[all screeching]

- [growls]

Lemon rush!

- The true power of the Sasquatch.

- [grunts]

[all screeching]

- [chittering] - Ah!

- [yelps] - [screeches]

- Tooth Fairies, retreat!

[car clangs]

[zaps]

[dramatic music]

[both shriek]

- [growls]

- Ah! Oh!

Ah!

[all chittering]

- Todd's magnificent.

[ethereal music]

[reindeer grunts]

♪ ♪

- [sighs] - Hup. Gotcha.

- Thanks.

Well, I'm sure you guys wanna get back

to your phones so you don't have to pretend

to be Todd Scouts anymore.

- Pretend? Who's pretending?

- Yeah, I wanna learn how to cut rope with my teeth.

[roars]

[thunder cracks]

[caws]

[thunder cracks]

- Ooh, that snaggletooth.

[glass shatters]

I must have it.

[dramatic musical flourish]

- And I think if you look

at our résumé, you'll find

that we are more than qualified

for this job.

- And we split a salary.

[snaps fingers, clicks tongue]

- Mm, strong references.

But look, mateys, the truth is,

you misread the sign.

I'm not looking for help.

I'm looking for lunch.

- Oh, we'd love lunch.

[metallic clang]

Oh.

[dramatic music]

Oh, man, I'm seeing my whole life flash before me.

- Oh, yeah? Which part specifically?

- The day we got hired by Baron Draxum.

Remember that?

- Oh, do I. Flashback?

- Wavy dissolve.

[whimsical musical flourish]

- Rep it out! You got this!

Rep it out! Push it with your arms, Muninn.

Get swole, dig deep.

Push it, push it, push it.

- [grunting]

One. - Yes!

- Oh, yeah! Check out these walnuts.

- Hey, scrubs, put away our weights.

[clangs]

- And our funky socks.

- And our medicine ball.

[thumps, clatters]

[metallic clang]

- Aw, man, Huginn.

We're never gonna get out of this

stupid gargoyle boot camp.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not the Muninn I know.

You gotta be positive.

Someday, somebody will see our talent

and give us a home.

And finally, we'll be sleeping

on a nice, cushy bed in front of a fireplace.

- [gasps] Like dogs?

- Bow-stinking-wow.

- Ten-hut!

Wings back and horns up!

all: Hut, hut, hut. - Goyles of Fortune has

received an order for two super awesome bros!

The awesome bros will live in an awesome castle

with all the awesome comforts

and perform awesome missions

for an awesome warrior alchemist.

And they're looking for our two most awesome recruits.

Now who's it gonna be?

- Ooh.

- [grunts]

- [groans]

[both grunting]

- You two! - They picked us?

- Oh, we're out of here.

See you later, "sleeping in a box of knives."

- No, you canaries!

I want you to drive these real bros

to Baron Draxum's.

[both grunt] - Awesome!

- Totes vascular, bro!

[rousing music]

Pull faster, canaries.

- Why does Sarge always give us these really lousy jobs?

- He doesn't realize how smart we are.

Hey, instead of taking these guys up

Slow and Steady Way, how 'bout we impress Sarge

by taking the shortcut up Devil's Backbone?

[lightning zaps]

- Super smart. Sarge'll be stoked!

- Hey, slow down!

Too bumpy.

[bangs] [both yell]

- Hey, did you hear a falling scream?

- Probably just the Lava Demon.

[mysterious music]

[doorbell chimes]

- Hi, we're here from Goyles of Fortune

with your--whoa.

How'd you like to perch on those shoulders all day?

- Plush.

- You're my Goyles of Fortune?

- Uh, no, that'd be the guys in the...

[zapping]

Yes, yes we are.

- Yeesh.

I expected something a little more beefcake-y.

- Oh, trust us. We beef the best cake.

- Let's see if you have that famous gargoyle

wood-splitting ability.

[thuds]

[cracking]

- [moans] - Not bad.

- [grunts] - Not bad.

You are tough.

That looked like it really hurt.

- It did.

[wings flapping]

- Muninn, look.

[flame whooshes]

- [gasps]

Dog bed, dog bed, dog bed!

- This is my laboratory.

These exotic creatures will one day protect

the Yokai from the human threat.

- Ooh, look at these tasty treats.

- Stop! They're not food.

They're my prime subjects.

These rare surface creatures will one day

become great warriors,

once I mutate them with the right DNA.

Anyway, your first task:

put this bridle on my new pony.

- Dude, this is cake.

We get to live in dog bed heaven,

and all we have to do is bridle a sweet little pony?

[screeching neigh] [both shriek]

both: Oh, no!

[pony screeching] [blows landing]

[both grunting]

- All done, boss.

Hoo, boy, that pony's all grown up, huh?

- Adequate work.

- [groans] - Ooh.

- Oh, well, now that that's done,

we're gonna take a little catnap on the dog bed.

- Uh, uh, uh.

Dog beds are

for permanent employees,

which you are not

until you complete your next task:

the mighty Lou Jitsu.

With his DNA, I could create warrior beasts

to protect our people.

But Big Mama refuses to part with him,

even though he hasn't fought in ages.

That's where you come in.

- So you want us to sneak into the Hidden City's

most heavily guarded place, the Battle Nexus--

- And kidnap his most powerful champion, Lou Jistu?

- You get it. Wake me when you're back.

[determined music]

- Well, this was fun

and painful while it lasted,

but no way are we kidnapping a Battle Nexus champion.

- You're not thinking of the big picture, Muninn:

a home where you can toast your claws

by a roaring fire as you sink

into a half an inch of medium quality foam.

- But how are we gonna sneak into the Battle Nexus?

[crowd cheering]

[triumphant music]

- Step aside, scrubs.

Your new champ-i-on is here.

- The Golden Goyle! Walnuts!

- I heard you BroGoyles is pretty tough.

- Oh, no. [crashes]

[cracking]

- Hoo-wee! That's impressive!

Champions' Row is to the left.

[crowd cheering distantly]

- This way, Muninn. Muninn?

[crowd cheering]

- Oh, so we're not gonna--okay.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Do you really think we can handle

the most ferocious champion in the history

of the Battle Nexus?

- No, absolutely not.

There's no chance.

We just have to make him think we can.

We gotta go full alpha bro.

- Yeah! Fire up them walnuts!

[both exclaim]

[banging] - Ow!

[groans]

You're coming with us, bro.

You give us any lip, we'll mess you up big-time.

- If Big Mama sent you,

I have not changed my mind.

No more fighting. I have sworn off violence.

[chomps]

Ow!

Why, you little--I mean,

I forgive you, little friend.

Whoa! That's kind of a lot of blood.

- Oh, we're not from Big Mama.

Our boss just wants to use you

in weird, unsafe experiments.

- As long as I don't have to fight.

Om. Om.

Om. Om.

- I'm very impressed.

Be on my shoulders first thing in the morning.

Oh, and enjoy your first night in your dog bed.

both: Bow-stinking-wow!

- [groans]

Well, aren't you cute?

I will call you Green,

and you, Green Number Two.

Aw, how can I tell you turtles apart?

- Ah, the great Lou Jitsu.

Your warrior prowess is legendary.

- My fighting days are behind me.

I will never harm another creature.

[smooches, shrieks]

Why, you little--

- Fighting will not be needed,

only your innate genetic gifts.

- We did it, old chum.

- We sure did, old bean.

[glasses clink]

[both slurp]

[ominous music]

- What are you doing with Green?

- You've taken quite a liking to these turtles.

Fascinating creatures, built for survival and defense,

yet there are too slow to be effective fighters.

Until now, when I use your DNA to mutate them.

- Wait! Stop!

I will not let you turn these innocent creatures

into violent monsters!

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

- I know I said

I'd never fight again, but...

[grunting]

Hot soup!

[thuds]

[grunts] - [shrieks]

[grunts]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

What have you done?

[both groaning]

- Muninn, wake up. Do you hear that?

- Uh, the sound of violent thrashing in the lab?

No, I do not.

- Come on, we gotta go help Baron Draxum.

We don't wanna lose the plush life.

[exciting music]

- [shrieking]

[both grunting] [blows landing]

- What can we do?

- Nothing, but our buddy the pony can.

Destroy Lou Jitsu!

[pony screeching] [both groaning]

[both grunt]

both: Oh!

[expl*si*n booms]

- What? No!

My ooze! Ooh!

- Precious little creatures.

I will save you little turtles.

[creatures squealing]

[dramatic music]

[alarm blares]

♪ ♪

[roars]

♪ ♪

You too, my--ow!

Why, you little...

[shrieks]

♪ ♪

- No!

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[wings flapping]

My life's work.

- We are so sorry that Lou Jitsu destroyed your lab.

That's L-O-U J-I-T-S-U.

- But at least your loyal, hardworking gargoyles

saved your life.

- It will take years to rebuild.

I must begin again.

[dark music]

What are you waiting for? Up, up.

both: Job security!

[flames whooshing]

- Ah, those were the days, huh?

Shall we?

- You could have done that the whole time?

- Yeah, I just wanted you

to finish the flashback.

Your stories make me warm inside.

- You know what makes me warm inside?

both: Tamales!