01x04 - The Losers

[bunniefuu]

MARSHALL:
Eerie, Indiana.

Day 94.

You wouldn't believe
how easy it is
to lose stuff here.

I mean, stuff that was there
a minute ago

will just vanish the moment
you turn your back.

Gone. Disappeared.

Lost forever.

I figure,

Eerie's caught in some
electro magnetic vortex

that messes up the
tracking system

that humans use
to find stuff.

Funny, but it seems to be
hitting Dad the hardest.

MARSHALL:
What's with the glasses, Dad?

Morning, Marshall.

His little screws
keep falling out.

The ones in his
glasses too.

Dad's just been a little
absent minded lately.

Four sets
of car keys,

nine pens and
two address books.

That's just this week.

Bye guys.
Bye sweetheart.

Have a good day.

I'm just having
a run of bad luck.

That's all.

Big presentation today.

What is it, dear?

I'm giving a report
on this new petroleum
based banana flavoring.

Amazing stuff.

One drop in the Eerie water
supply and we'd all have hot
and cold running smoothies.

Where's my briefcase?

Right on the...

counter.

Briefcase...

Don't worry. It didn't
sprout legs and walk off.

We will find the
lucky briefcase.

I could care less
about the briefcase.

The petroleum based
banana extract was in there.

MARSHALL:
Mom and Dad were starting to
lose it before my very eyes.

I'd never seen them
like this before.

Somehow, they'd lost something
besides the briefcase.

But I couldn't tell
just what it was.

What?

The briefcase was an
anniversary present
or have you forgotten?

[MUMBLING]

Of course I
haven't forgotten.

Well, it couldn't have
meant that much to you
if you lost it so easily.

Oh, like I lost it
on purpose, huh?

Well, why didn't I just
hack it into a million pieces

and scatter it to the wind if
I was so eager to get rid of it.

MARSHALL:
I was worried about
Mom and Dad.

They were in what
I call, "Eerie Denial."

If I don't find that
petroleum based
banana extract

before that presentation,
I'm going to lose more
than just my temper.

I'm going to
lose my job.

Oh, please.

MARSHALL:
It was upto me to
find that briefcase.

If I didn't, we might
lose everything.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL:
Yeah, so now Dad's
all freaked out

that he's got this
old people's disease
that makes him lose stuff.

He's pushing 35,
you know.

Scary.

Your folks talking
to each other yet?

Only short sentences.

Simon, we've got to
find Dad's briefcase.

He had this
banana goo in it

and he could lose his job
if we don't find it.

Great plan.

Cool.

What is it?

I don't know.

That's what we need.

A great plan.

Last piece.
Hand me the claw.

What's it look like?

What do you think
it looks like?

It's a claw.

Has an airplane in it.

Gone.

The problem
with losing stuff

is it always happens
when you're not watching.

Of course, if you
were watching,

I guess this stuff
wouldn't get lost,

would it?

Simon, you're a genius.

I am?

MARSHALL: All the stuff that
was getting lost had
to go somewhere.

Like my Mom said,
it doesn't have legs.

Simon and I set out to lose
something on purpose

so we could follow it
and see what happens.

Give it a
little slack.

A big bite could
snap the line.

Good thinking.

Hey!

The bait had been taken.

I was sure
that dollar bill

was being drawn
towards some evil source.

I was half right.

I found myself staring
straight into the muzzle

of Eerie's
notorious biker g*ng,

The Unkind Ones.

Hey, kid.

Let me do the talking.

Yes sir?

Your Harleyship, sir.

Shut up.

I found this
laying in the street.

Do you know
who's it is?

Actually, yes.

It's mine.

Oh, it's yours.

Did you hear
that, men?

He says it's his.

You ought to
be more careful.

You might have lost this.

Let's get on
the front street!

Saw a sign there
for a lost puppy.

We racked our brains.

What was the one thing we
could absolutely positively
count on to get lost?

Luggage.

Eagle Eye to Fish Hook,
do you read me? Over.

Eagle Eye to Fish Hook,
I read you loud and clear.

Test the escape system. Over.

Test completed.
Affirmative.

Got a bus
blocking me.

Fish Hook,
where are you?

Fish Hook, over.

Marshall, come in!

I'm rolling Eagle Eye.
We've got a bite.

Marshall? Marshall,
do you read me?

Marshall?

Marshall,
hang on,
I'm coming.

Hey!

What's the matter kid?
You lost?

Hey, what did you
do with my buddy?

What're you
talking about?

I haven't
seen your buddy.

Oh, yeah? I just saw
you pushing his trunk
into this alley.

You're dreaming.

You don't believe me?

Take a look around
for yourself.

Marshall...

My walkie-talkie!

Hey, mister!

MARSHALL: Without warning,
I was on a bumpy slide to
the center of the Earth.

[SCREAMING]

I was ready for anything

except for what
actually happened.

[SCREAMING]

Don't ever do that
again, young man.

You almost gave me
a coronary.

Where am I?

You're in the Bureau...

of Lost.

MARSHALL:
Did I need to get lost

so that Dad's briefcase
could be found in
the Bureau of Lost?

What I did know was that if
I didn't find out soon,

I was going to lose something
really tough to replace

like my mind.

I had no idea what hole I
had fallen through to land
here in the Bureau of Lost.

But this made
Alice in Wonderland look like
a day at the beach.

Where... How...

There's no time for a lot of
foolish questions, young man.

I've got the head office
on hold.

Sorry about that, sir.

I had to take care
of a Code Four.

Oh, yes sir. I've got
some very good news.

While I was in the
emergency room in Detroit,

we managed to catch up
on tongue depressors.

Yes.

And we removed all
magazines
from the waiting room

that were
less than six months old.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I--

I thought you'd be pleased.

Yes.

What's that, sir?

A satellite?

Well, no sir, I'm not
saying that it's impossible,

but, well, I thought
after what we accomplished

with the Hubble telescope...

Yes.

Well, very well sir.

I'll book Al on
the next shuttle.

Yes, sir.

Lodgepoole to surface,
come in, please.

Yeah, Mr. Lodgepole,

I need to
talk to you.

That's Mr. Lodgepoole,
young man.

Big "L", little "o",
d-g-e, little"p",
double "o", l-e.

Oh.

My name is Marshall.
Marshall Teller.

Yes, yes, whatever,

Surface, this
is Lodgepoole.

Can you hear me?

This is Surface.
What do you want?

Al you idiot, you sent me
a Code Four in the footlocker.

Actually, it's
a Code Five.

It appears to be human.

No way.

Look, I can't
worry about it now.

I have a list of things
head office wants
misplaced A.S.A.P.

sh**t.

Contact lenses.

Boat anchors.

Horseshoes.

World Series Tickets.

Ball point pen caps.

Seems like we can never get
enough of those, huh?

Pacemaker batteries.

Pacemaker batteries?

There's no room for
pity in this business.

Over and out.

Hey, Mr. Lodgepoole?

Mr. Lodgepoole?

I was wondering if
you could help
me find something.

Help you
find something?

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, my dads' briefcase.

You said this is
the Bureau of Lost.

Indeed it is, young man.

But did you hear me even utter
any form of that word...

found?

[LAUGHING]

Are you insane?

Will you please
talk to me for a second?

Listen, I'm not a
Code Four
or a Code Five.

I'm a person.

Well...

Well, how come you guys
are going around,
stealing all this junk?

You're not even selling it.

You're just...
stacking it.

Stealing?

When I started this job,

they told me not to
expect any gratitude.

Well, what do
you call it then?

What do I call it?

I call it helping the economy
is what I call it.

I'm a certified
Misappropriation Engineer.

How do you figure you're
helping the economy?

Well, imagine what would happen
if people never lot anything?

Well, they'd hang on to
their old belongings
until they wore out.

And they'd probably go do
something silly like,

have them fixed.

So what's wrong with that?

Oh! What's wrong? Nothing.

Nothing, if you don't
mind a stagnating economy,

skyrocketing unemployment,
soup lines...

How do you think we
recovered from the
stock market crash?

MARSHALL:
You mean one when that old
actor guy was President?

No, I'm talking about


The one in '87 happened
when Al had the flu.

Eight billion dollars
the stock market lost

in one single day.

It was just
paper losses though.

I got them. I got
them all right here.

Mr. Lodgepoole,

the reason I'm here is that
my Dad lost his briefcase.

Excellent.
Excellent?

Not excellent!

Mr. Lodgepoole, my mom
gave that briefcase
to my Dad as a gift.

And it's got some real
valuable banana gook in
it that Dad needs for work.

He could lose his
job over this.

Oh, all right.

B-b-b-b...

Ah, bake goods.

Brassieres.

Breeder reactors.

Brief...

Briefcases.

This is it. Teller...
Teller, right?

What was the
date on that?

Oh, it just
happened yesterday.

Teller... Teller...

Ah! Here it is.

Teller residence lost

one mud black,
imitation leather briefcase

containing calculator,
miscellaneous papers,
blah, blah, blah...

And some sort of
foul smelling substance.

Number 7-7-9-9-9-3-A-2.

The mechanical claws
take just a few seconds.

Ah, here it is.

Is this it?
That's it.

Yes, I'm afraid
your briefcase
is indeed lost.

But you just
found it, right?

I mean, here it is.

Which merely
proves it's lost.

It wouldn't be here
if it weren't.

How do you figure?

Well, where else would
it be unless it was?

Was what?
Lost.

Hey, I want that back.

Out of the question.

Why not?

It's not going to
hurt the economy

if one briefcase
gets unlost.

I mean, we could be
talking divorce here.

Uh, boss.
Have a look at this.

It's that runt I saw
at the bus station.

Trying to get me go for his
lousy ball point pen cap.

Simon!

Yes, all right!

We could use
a cap like that.

Can you get a
closer shot at it?

Uh...doubtful.

Well, how're you doing
with the rest of the list?

Well, I found a contact lens
at a basketball game.

I picked some earring backs
from the cheerleaders.

I also scored a lug-nut
from some guy I was helpin'
to change his tire.

Good. Keep up the good work
and avoid that little
twerp at all costs.

Over and out.

So that's where my
monster claw went.

Oh, yes. Much more efficient
to lose things before
they reach the consumer.

Haven't you ever lost
anything, Mr. Lodgepoole?

Eh?

Something that really
meant a lot to you?

That you worked
real hard for?

Or that maybe it reminded
you of someone far away?

I don't even know
anyone far away,

except Al sometimes.

I certainly wouldn't want
to be reminded of him.

Oh, no, I've spent the
better part of my existence

down here, pruning back
on humanity's excesses.

Tell you what,

if you punch that briefcase
back up here and give it to me,

when I'm back
in the world,

I'll fill my
pack with

pens and sunglasses and all
kinds of good stuff and
send it down here for you.

Deal?

Of course not.

I could possibly
let you go Topside.

No, no, no,
no, no, no.

Not Topside,
mm-mmm.

There mustn't be

the slightest chance of
our service being revealed.

I imagine

hordes of people wandering
through these peaceful halls

calling for
their hairclips,

moaning for lose change.

Well, I won't
tell anyone. Honest.

Nope. I'm going to have to
wire the head office

for instructions for this one.

The only solution maybe...

for you to be misplaced.

Misplaced?

The dryer.

Hey!

Hey.

I'll be right back.

Don't you get lost.
Just yet.

SIMON:
Lost socks.

All those socks
must go somewhere.

MARSHALL:
I'd searched the whole place.
There was no way out.

Whoa!

Simon!

Marshall,
I found you.

Unbelievable.

How'd you do it?

Well, if you follow
this tube right,

it leads to the number three
tumble dryer at the Eerie-mat.

Cool place.

You know, I'll tell you
about it later. Here,
hang on to this.

Ya, hold on tight.

Where're you going?

I'm not leaving here
without proof.

Come on, get on it.

I got it.

Hang on, Simon.

I'm hanging,
I'm hanging.

You're all right?
Yeah.

All right,
let's go.

Wow.

How big do you think
that place is, Marshall?

I figure the entire state
of Indiana

is actually an underground
storage depot for lost stuff.

Whoa.

Darn!

Dad's briefcase
was right there.

I even touched it.

MARYLIN:
Marshall, it's
the postman.

Package for you.

Postman?

He said it's some kind
of late Saturday delivery.

Are you expecting a
package from France?

It's him.
It's who, dear?

Oh, it's that accordion
I ordered from France.

I'm telling him to take it
back because I've decided
to take up the tuba instead.

Oh.

Who's this?

My buddy. He knows everything.

Well, do you have it?

What?

My rubber stamp,
that's what.

Oh, uh...

Maybe I do and
maybe I don't.

Don't you turn
your back on me!

I've had that
rubber stamp for years.

[STAMMERING]
It's formed to fit
the shape of my hand.

I demand it back.

I've never
lost anything.

Tough beans,
Lodgepoole.

See how it feels when the
shoe's on the other foot?

Shoe? Shoe? Shoe?

Well, that reminds
me, I could use some
mismatched shoes.

Dad's home. Excuse me.

What's in the
package, mister?

It's your
father's briefcase.

I'll make you a deal.

Make your swap
straight up.

Deal.

You don't know
how much this
has cost me.

Years of selfless devotion
and now that Al's just--

The briefcase, Lodgepoole.

Look.

Thank you honey,
it's beautiful.

You really like it?

The one thing I can't
replace is that banana
flavored petroleum stuff.

Oh...

Oh, I meant to tell you,
that project was a bust.

Well, they never could get rid
of the diesel aftertaste.

Guess you won't be
needing this anymore.

Hey, not fair.
You got what you wanted.

Here.

I've never returned
anything before.

Thanks. How does it feel?

Disgusting, that's how it feels.

Because of you,
I've been demoted.

Sorry to hear that,
Mr. Lodgepoole.

[LODGPOOLE MUMBLING]

SIMON:
Well,

at least you got your
monster claw back.

MARSHALL: Lodgepoole was right.

My folks didn't need that
briefcase after all.

They didn't need their son to
go down into the depths of
hell to save their marriage.

No, they found everything
they needed right there
between them.

And that was something even
old Al couldn't lose.

Can I give you a hand?
Oh, no, no...

I've got the tire.

It's a Gumball
one-six-five by 13 radial.

Anything else you need?

Well, that's it.

Yeah. Stop by
the chicken farm.

Take out the
drainage system, okay?

Oh, no, no...
Not the drainage system.

There's no room for pity
in this business, babe.

[BELL DINGING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]