05x03 - Homecoming

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[grunting]

[mutters]

[engine sputtering]

[sputtering continues]

Sounds like the carburettor.

Yes, I'm aware of that.

She's not cooperating.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Could you, erm,
give this to Audrey for me?

Is there any message?

She'll know what it's for.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Maggie asked me to give you this.

Oh, thank you.

Aren't you going to open it?

I'll do it later.

Ingredients are thin on the ground,

and I've a christening cake
wants icing.

Is Mr Bosworth aware
of these clandestine dealings?

I can assure you everything
is strictly above board.

I've just called in a favour,
that's all.

Someone's traipsed mud
all through the hallway.

I've swept it twice today already.

Here, let me do it.
You've got a cake to make.

I might retire to my office
before someone tidies me away.

[door closes]

I'll be working on my speech
if anyone needs me.

Speech?

Oh, are your parents not with you?

[James] They're just getting
settled at the B&B

- and then I'll bring them over.
- Ah.

You don't see me going to all this
trouble for your dad, do you?

That's different.
I hardly ever see 'em.

I'm just the girl that dragged
you away from Glasgow.

Corrupted me.
Lured me to the dark side.

I bet they're excited to see you.

They're not interested in me.

It's you and Jimmy
they've come to see.

- [Jimmy crying]
- Oh, talk of his lordship.

Did you tell Siegfried
he could write a speech?

Said it was part
of his godparent duties.

I'll talk to him.

- And say what?
- Tell him to keep it brief.

It's Siegfried we're talking about.

[telephone ringing]

Carmody! Carmod...

[crying, ringing continue]

- He's still not back from his exams.
- Yes, yes.

Darrowby 2297.

Mr Biggins.

How's that nanny goat doing?

Really? We should have seen
a marked improvement by now.

Yes, I understand.

I'll be with you as soon as I can.

- Problem?
- Third case of lumpy jaw.

He's had me up there twice already.

You'll have to go for me, I'm afraid.

Why?

Because I'm likely to end up doing
a stretch in Wormwood Scrubs

if I have to spend another
second in that man's company.

If it was any other time, Siegfried.
But with my parents...

Well, that's a convenient
excuse, don't you think?

Everything alright?

Biggins.

Has he mentioned the gates yet?

You know he's got seven gates?
Seven!

One after each
of the deadly sins, no doubt.

He's run me ragged
with his constant vacillations.

- Well, not this time.
- I meant to ask.

How are you getting along with
the speech for the christening?

Oh, I'm rather pleased with it,
actually.

And how long is it, exactly?

This is the beginning of Jimmy's
spiritual journey, James.

I take my role as godparent
very seriously.

[Mrs Hall] As do I.

But I shan't be doing a speech.

And for that,
we'll be eternally grateful.

Right, I should fetch my parents.

They're champing at the bit
to see Jimmy.

[animals bleating]

[grunts]

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

[doorbell rings]

[dog barks]

- Can I help you?
- Telegram for Mr Farnon.

Mr Farnon?

[Helen] Is that them?

No, you're alright.

[animals bleating]

Oh, ah, ow!

You want to get
that carburettor seen to.

I see you still haven't got
round to fixing that gate.

Helps keep undesirables out.

- As opposed to keeping them in?
- Huh?

I think you better take me
straight to your goat, Mr Biggins.

[Biggins] Does this mean
I'll get my money back?

On account of you misdiagnosing like?

I'm perfectly confident
in my diagnosis.

Funny how it always ends
with me having to part

with me hard-earned cash.

Alright.

You're alright.
Alright.

[goat bleats]

Are you absolutely sure
you administered

the sulphanilamide as prescribed?

Aye. Exactly as you said.

Then we'll need to increase the dose.

Sounds expensive.

Would you get us
some fresh straw, please?

She'll need
somewhere comfortable to sleep.

[mutters indistinctly]

Don't worry, old thing.

We'll soon have you grazing again.

There they are!

Ahhh!

Come and give your granny
a big hug. Oh!

It's lovely to see you both.

He's gotten so big
since we last saw him!

Aye. He's a bonny wee thing.

He's a bit grizzly tonight.

Teething, I bet.

[Hannah] It's too early for that.

He'll be wanting a feed, poor mite.

If I give him any more milk,
he'll burst. Eh?

[Hannah] Nonsense!
He's a growing boy.

He's like you, son.
He's got a big appetite.

Does your mummy not feed you?

Perfect timing, Mrs H.

Mr and Mrs Herriot.

I trust you had a pleasant journey?

Aye. No complaints.

[Helen] Need a hand?

What time is the christening
tomorrow?

Midday.

[Hannah] Oh, I can't wait!

Is everything alright, Audrey?

- 'Course.
- [dishes clattering]

The scones are fresh out the oven.

- Tea?
- Yes, please.

[Jimmy cooing]

Oh, these look lovely.

- That's very tasty.
- [James Sr laughs]

You want to hold on to this one, son.

Oh, I can't take the credit,
I'm afraid.

It's all Audrey's handiwork.

The flowers are all down to Helen.

Picked them fresh for you
this morning.

[animals bleating]

What's that then?

A stimulant injection.

It might give her the boost
she needs.

Nay, nay.
She just needs some iodine.

We've been through this, Mr Biggins.

Iodine is of no use to your goat.

Yeah, you and your
new-fangled powders.

Some kind of commission, are you?

I wouldn't be
a competent veterinary surgeon

if I prescribed something
as antiquated as iodine.

Expensive things, them injections.

How much is that going to cost me?

I honestly don't know.

Oh, you'll know alright
when you get pen in your hand,

send me that big bill, won't you?

[Siegfried] Alright, alright.

[goat bleats]

There we are.

Right, all we can do now is pray.

Gonna charge me for that as well?

Take this, and if it doesn't work,
I won't charge you.

How does that sound?

Aye, I suppose.

Now, perhaps you'd be so good
as to help me with the gate?

You're joking, aren't you?
Bloody thing's a death trap.

My mother swore blind
by Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup.

Later proven to contain
dangerous levels of morphine.

Ohh, one last kiss from Granny
before we go.

He's looking tired.

[Helen]
Oh, don't let that face fool you.

He'll have us up
till the early hours.

Routine's the key.

James used to go down like clockwork.

Not so much as a peep out of him
until morning.

[James Sr] Don't listen to her.

Had a set of lungs on him
that could wake the dead.

[Helen laughs]

Why don't you come round
after breakfast?

We'll take Jimmy
for a walk round Darrowby.

We'd like that.

Good night, son.

- Good night.
- [Jimmy coos]

See you tomorrow.

- [Helen] Good night.
- Night.

- [door closes]
- That wasn't so bad, was it?

[door slams]

Er, how were Mr Biggins?

Insufferable as ever.

All I want to do is pour myself
a whisky and lie in a hot bath.

- Mr Farnon.
- Are we still playing host

to the Scottish contingent?

A telegram arrived.

It's addressed to you.

I see.

James and Helen
are putting Jimmy to bed,

so you won't be disturbed.

Thank you, Mrs Hall.

[door opens]

He's coming home.

What does it say?

Home tomorrow.

Is that it?

Well, Tristan's never been one
for detail.

- Why is he back?
- Your guess is as good as mine.

[birds chirping, rooster crowing]

[Siegfried] If you're looking for
hidden meaning, I wouldn't bother.

[Mrs Hall] I've checked
the train timetable.

There's only that one connection
from London he could be on today.

It's got to be a good sign if
he was able to send it himself.

Yes, I suppose so.

Perhaps he's just got
a few days leave?

From Cairo?

Well, it's just like Tris to show up
as we're about to throw a party.

[light chuckling]

Well, I hope you're right.

[Mrs Hall]
Don't imagine you got much sleep.

[Siegfried] It was a fretful night.

Try not to assume the worst.

That's easier said than done.

It was the same when he was a child.

Falling out of trees,
riding his bicycle without brakes.

Never a thought for his own safety.

He's resilient.
Always has been.

Where are my blasted...

Thank you.

Would you like me to come with you?

I think it's best I do this
by myself.

I will never utter
a cross word to that boy again

if he comes home in one piece.

[engine sputters]

Oh, not today, not today!

[engine sputters]

[engine starts]

[locomotive chugging]

Come on!

Not now!

[air hissing]

[train whistle blows]

To be early is to be on time,
to be on time is to be late...

...and to be late is unacceptable.

You drummed that into me
enough times.

Aren't you going to say something?

[dog barking]

- Can I help you?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realise
the surgery was closed today.

Oh, I'm sure my son can help you.

He's a partner here.
James Herriot, MRCVS.

Graduated top of his class
at Glasgow University.

Oh, I don't like to interrupt him.

Oh, nonsense.
He'll be glad to help.

- Shall we?
- [dog barks]

[Jimmy coos]

- [knock on door]
- Oh.

Just don't talk to them
about football.

Or Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup.

[laughs]

[door opens]

Morning.
We're almost ready to go.

- [Helen] Morning!
- James.

- [door closes]
- Making friends I see.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Herriot.

- Your mother insisted.
- The animals always come first.

Isn't that right, James?

Indeed it is.

Do you mind?
I'll have to catch you up.

No, 'course not.

How about we start
at the Victory Garden?

Great, you can give me
some tips for my radishes.

See you later then.

- Sorry.
- [door opens]

And who do we have here then?

This is Lucy.

She's a fine-looking dog.

Eh?

Yes.

What seems to be the problem?

She's obsessed with Emmeline.

Emmeline?

It's got to the point where she
won't leave home without her.

[Lucy barks, growling]

This is what she does.

Well, let's, erm...
let's get her inside.

See if we can't get to
the bottom of it.

Oh, erm...

Okay.

Alright.

[door opens]

[footsteps]

Is that you, Mr Farnon?

Which one were you looking for?

Get over here.

I've been saving this up since Cairo.

[Mrs Hall laughs]

[sniffles] And everything's intact?
No bones broken?

- Not a hair out of place.
- [Siegfried] Well, go on.

Tell her about your promotion!

He's only been put in charge
of training

new veterinary recruits in Doncaster.

It's just lecturing,
not all the training.

But you know me, Mrs H.

Never one to boast
about my achievements.

Is that for me?

Just a little treat
I've been saving for you.

Life doesn't get any better.

Oh, is Jim here?

I think so.

James Herriot, get out here!

James!

[Mrs Hanley]
I've tried confiscating it,

but she went
and took a chunk out my hand.

And that's the first time
she's ever turned like that.

- That won't do at all.
- [Lucy growling]

See? That's what she does.

You're lucky she didn't try
and nip you too.

[Tristan]
James Herriot, get out here!

I think...

I think what we have here
is a case of overstimulation.

- Is it serious?
- It's nothing to worry about.

While toys can be great for dogs,

sometimes they can form
unhealthy attachments.

So what do you suggest?

I think, erm, a period of enforced
separation might be in order.

[Mrs Hanley]
She won't like that at all.

- [Lucy barks]
- Don't worry.

Emmeline's just going on
a little adventure.

Keep her distracted
with plenty of walks,

maybe the odd treat or two.

[Lucy barks]

Pop back in a couple of days
and let's see how she's getting on.

Yes, I will do.
Thank you, Mr Herriot.

- Mind how you go, Lucy.
- Oh! [laughs]

- [door opens]
- [James] Cheerio!

[Mrs Hanley] Thank you.

[Tristan] What's all this I hear
about Jimmy stealing my thunder?

What's all this growing
on your top lip?

[both laugh]

So...

How are ya?

Exhausted.

Never met so many hardened
drinkers in all my life.

You back for good?

No, I'm in Doncaster three days
a week till I'm redeployed.

It's still Yorkshire.

Just.

The rest of the time is my own.

- I'm a man of leisure.
- [Siegfried] Excellent.

We could do with another pair
of hands.

Last time I checked, I actually
don't work for you anymore.

Yes, quite right.
My mistake.

- [James] Let me grab these for you.
- [Tristan] Yes, good.

You can fill me in on what's
been happening around here.

It's exactly as you left it.

With the addition of wee Jimmy,
of course.

Oh. Well, that's not good enough!
I want salacious scandal. Come on!

So what did they have
you doing out there?

Field support mainly.

Making sure the animals were fit
for duty.

Horses, mules.
The odd camel.

The unsung heroes, eh?

- [snoring]
- Oh.

It would appear
we have an interloper.

[James] That's Hamish.

With very questionable taste
in bow ties.

That would be Carmody.

He's in London
finishing off his final exams,

be back in a week or two.

The pretender to my throne.

I can't wait to meet him.

Did Siegfried not mention him
in his letters?

No, he told me he'd hired
a new assistant.

He neglected to tell me
he was now sleeping in my bed.

[Siegfried] Tristan, there's
someone who wants to meet you.

I think he was just grateful
for the distraction.

He's missed you.

We all have.

I'll leave you to it, shall I?

How was the walk?

Oh, we had a smashing time.

Fresh air's the key!

He loved having his pram pushed
by his granny.

Didn't you, hey?

- And the Victory Garden?
- [James Sr] Ah, lovely.

It's a wonder how she finds the time,
with wee Jimmy to care for.

Where were you?

I got caught up in something here.

- I don't believe it.
- [Tristan laughs]

This isn't a mirage, Helen.
Really is me.

Older, wiser,
more handsome than ever.

[laughter]

Mr and Mrs Herriot,
looking younger by the day.

- It's lovely to see you.
- Aye. Back where you belong.

[Jimmy coos]

And this is young Jimmy, I take it?

He's excited to meet
his Uncle Tristan.

May I?

Hey!

Hello!

[puckering lips]
Brr! Brr! Brr!

Are you waiting for him to reply?

No, I'm just trying
to work out who he looks like.

Well, he's a handsome young thing,

so I'm guessing he's got
his mother's genes.

[laughs]

Sorry to break up the party,
but we're due at the church soon.

Is it that time already?
I need to get Jimmy in his gown.

Oh, don't you worry.
We'll keep the vicar talking.

Are you sure you're
not too tired from your journey?

What?
And miss you renounce the devil?

Not a chance.

Sacred occasion, Tristan.

But that doesn't mean
we can't have a bit of fun.

Shall we?

[church bell ringing]

Dearly beloved,

ye have brought the child
here today to be baptised...

...that our Lord Jesus Christ
would receive him

and release him from sin,

to sanctify him
with the Holy Ghost...

...to give him the kingdom
of heaven and everlasting life.

Now, can I please ask the family
to gather at the font?

[organ playing]

- Did they throw you out?
- It was quite the scandal.

How many times did you fall in love?

Oh, just once. Laila.
My Arabian camel.

She was exotic, feisty.

She did have the tendency
to get the hump, though.

Tristan.

Sorry, Vicar.

Could I ask the godparents
to step forward?

Do thou, in the name of this child,

renounce the devil
and all of his works?

- I renounce them all.
- I renounce them all.

Will you then obediently
keep God's holy will

and the commandments

and walk in the same
all the days of thy life?

- I will, by God's help.
- I will, by God's help.

[vicar] Would one of
the godparents take Jimmy?

There we go.

Hello.

[vicar] Almighty, ever-living God,

sanctify this water to
the mystical washing away of sin.

Grant that this child receives
the fulness of thy grace,

through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

- Amen.
- [all] Amen.

Would you please name the child?

James Alexander.

[vicar] Right, young man.

It's your turn.

[Jimmy fusses]

Is he good with water?

Only if there's ducks.

I baptise thee in the name
of the Father...

...the Son...

...and the Holy Ghost.

- Amen.
- [all] Amen.

[Siegfried] Well, I thought that
went rather well.

Mrs Hall will need some time
to prepare the lunch

and then we can move on
to the speeches.

There's more than one?

I was talking figuratively, James.

Hang on, hang on.

Isn't it customary
to wet the baby's head?

That's the night the baby's born.
Not just after the christening.

Well, I missed the birth on account
of me fighting for my country.

I don't think it's appropriate.
Not today.

Don't you want to buy
your brother a pint?

He's been away, fighting in w*r.

Of course I do.
But there's a schedule to stick to.

[Mrs Hall] Another hour
ain't going to hurt.

I'll have lunch ready
for when you get back.

Right, that's settled then.
James, you coming for one?

One.

Mum will want to get back
to the house.

- Another time.
- You go with Tristan.

- I'll take your mum back.
- That's very kind of you.

Are you sure?

Just don't let him lead you astray.

I'll be an hour tops.

I'm so sorry, Helen.

I'm sure Tristan didn't mean
to commandeer your day.

Right, let's make a start
on this spread.

Actually, I'd rather
go with James and Tristan.

I'm almost an adult.
I can do what I like.

A girl that age shouldn't be
in a bar.

Absolutely not.

[James] Tris, what are you having?

Put your money away, James.
This round's on me.

Er, five pints of your
finest, please, barmaid.

- [Jenny clears throat]
- Oh, er, make that six.

Look at what the cat's dragged in.

[Tristan] Egypt's finest export.

I see the w*r's done nothing
to dampen your spirits.

How have you been?

[Maggie]
Surviving. Just about.

Any word from Arthur?

They've got him stationed
out in North Africa.

Libya, I think it was.

It's a shame our paths never crossed.

We could've pined together over...

...Darrowby.

[James]
Enemy sighted at three o'clock.

Is that Biggins?

[Siegfried]
He's like the Grim Reaper.

Lurking round every corner.

You've only got yourself to blame.

You should have stopped taking that
old rascal's business years ago.

[Richard] Now then,
where is it you were stationed?

Cairo, weren't it?

[Tristan] Indeed.

Yeah, it was the scene of
much heartbreak for many of us.

Aye. Lost a lot of men?

I'm talking about the women.

[James Sr]
Can't have been easy, though.

Working in that heat.

It was exhausting.

Yeah.
Deadly at times.

How did you get through it?

The Cairo Café mainly.

Sometimes The Turf Club,
depending on, you know, my mood.

Come on. You must have seen
some hardship out there.

You know me, James.

Never one to let
a little bloodshed get me down.

That'll be six shillings exactly.

Tristan.

Would you mind? I've left my wallet
in my other trousers.

[light laughter]

There you go.

Can I help at all?

Oh, no, you're alright.
We're nearly done now.

Well, that was a lovely service.

Thank you.

Jimmy enjoyed it.

Do you want a brew?

Oh, no, no.
You carry on as you are.

I'm happy just sitting here.

So this is
where you eat all your meals?

- Most of the time, yes.
- [Hannah] That makes sense.

You don't want to stay
cooped up in that cramped attic.

[Jimmy crying]

Oh, Jimmy's awake.

Oh, shall I get him?

Don't worry, I'll go.

Hello. Yes.

Yes.

Where should I put these?

Oh, on the table is fine.

[rattling]

Did you hear that?

It sounded like scratching.

[Helen] Did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

Did you? Did you?

[Hannah] Ooh! What are you
doing here on your own?

[dog barking]

I need some help here!

Oh! Oh! Ooh!

Clawing at the door, she was.

Her name was Rosa.
She was a Canadian.

Stationed at the field hospital.

[Richard] She were a looker?

We're talking Betty Grable here.

- Legs that went on for mi...
- Thank you.

[James Sr] What happened to her?

Her heart lay with another.

A Royal Engineer from Cleethorpes.

For God's sake,
it's hardly "A Farewell to Arms."

Just out of interest.

Did you do any work over there,
Tristan?

Excellent question.

I did my fair share.

There was the capture
of Sidi Barrani for one.

Oh, aye, big lad, was he?

[Tristan laughs]

It's on the Egypt/Libyan border.

You were part of that campaign?

A small part, yes.

How exactly?

Because from what I can gather,

you spent your time drifting
from one bar to another.

[Tristan] A lot's changed
since your day, Siegfried.

Is that so?

You lot relied on tin hats
and blind faith.

Nowadays, we prefer
a more strategic approach.

Isn't that right, James?

Absolutely.

I'll think you'll fi...

Do you know what?
Forget it.

If you'll excuse me, I need some air.

Mr Biggins.

How's your goat?
Any improvement?

She's gotten worse, if anything.

I'll be wanting me money back
on that prescription of yours.

[Siegfried] Are you sure you're
administering it correctly?

[Biggins scoffs] You saying
I can't make out instructions?

- Is that it?
- I'm saying no such thing.

I just don't understand
why it hasn't taken effect.

Because the stuff
you gave me is bloody useless.

You hear this, Alderson?

Vitnery's only been after
trying to palm me off

with some fake powders.

Fake powders sounds like my domain.

How can I be of assistance,
Mr Biggins?

Everything's under control.

He's just slandered your name in
a pub full of paying customers.

[Biggins] It's Peg I feel sorry for.

Treating her
like some kind of experiment.

Right, that's it!
I insist on having another look.

- Hang on a minute.
- [Siegfried] It's no trouble at all.

- Wait for me.
- What are you doing?

- Coming with you.
- There's really no need.

What are you taking about?
He's besmirching our good name.

James, will you pass on
my apologies to Mrs Hall?

- [James] Aye, of course.
- Thank you.

[mug slams]

You know, I encountered
my fair share of goats in Egypt.

There's a particular knack with them.

I could give you some pointers.

[engine revs]

- Oh!
- [Hannah] Ooh!

Ooh! She won't keep still.

Why would she come back here?

I don't know.
But she's after something.

- [Lucy barks]
- [Hannah] Oh!

[Lucy whining]

What is it?
What're you looking for, eh?

Is she after food?

- [Lucy barks]
- I don't think so.

What?

[Lucy barks]

It's not this, is it?

All this over a toy?

What are the symptoms?

Weight loss.
Difficulty eating, salivating.

Come on,
let's have a little look at you.

Oh, yes.
She has nodules in the jaw.

Swelling around the neck and face.

It has to be actinomycosis.

In English.

Lumpy jaw, Mr Biggins.

Which was my original diagnosis.

[animals mooing, bleating]

Can I see the prescription
I gave you yesterday?

What for?

Because I can't believe
you've administered it correctly.

You calling me a liar?

He was merely asking
for confirmation, Mr Biggins.

All I want is my money back
from those dodgy powders of yours.

You should count yourself
lucky we're not in Egypt.

They'd have just slapped on some
iodine and hoped for the best.

No, no, thankfully we're
a little more advanced

in our way of thinking here.

- The bare-faced cheek of it.
- Sorry?

You! Making out I don't know
what's best for me animals.

All I'm saying is...

I think you've said more
than enough already, don't you?

Could my brother use your stove
to make up a warm compress?

It might help reduce Peg's swelling.

Aye, I suppose.

Thank you.

Now, where were we?

You. Slandering my good name.

Yes.

[sighs]

James told me stories about your dog.

- It's Don, in't it?
- Aye.

James tears up every time
he's mentioned.

You know, he still waits at
the door for James to come home.

Awww.

We both do.

She's treating that toy
like it's her baby.

[Hannah] I remember that feeling.

You never want to let go.

Gives me a pain in me chest
just thinking about it.

You're doing a wonderful job.

You know that, don't you?

What is it?

I think her teats might be swollen.

- [James] Helen?
- We're in here.

What's Lucy doing here?

We found her scratching at the door.

Turns out she left something behind.

Emmeline?

I think it's more
than just a toy to her, James.

I think it might be
a phantom pregnancy.

[birds chirping, animals calling]

[Tristan] You sly old fox.

Helen's right.

Her mammary glands
are definitely swollen.

So it is a phantom pregnancy?

Ooh, I'm impressed.

They get the idea
they're going to have pups

after they've been in season.

Some even get a swelling
in the abdomen.

Awww, so she just wanted to be
with her pup?

I can't believe you tried
to take her baby, James.

Well, she was being aggressive.

I did it for her own safety.

You locked her away in a drawer.

Maybe we shouldn't be
too hard on the boy.

Perhaps it's something
only a mother can understand.

Where's Biggins?

Tormenting one of his farm hands,
probably.

- What happened to the compress?
- I got a little distracted.

I can't believe he lied to my face.

Just to worm his way out of paying.

I think maybe it's time we give
him a taste of his own medicine.

Don't you think?

Oh, I hope you're not charging
me by the hour, Farnon.

Yeah, I was just saying
to my brother, Mr Biggins.

All this talk of Egypt,
it's got me thinking.

Do you mind
if I check one more thing?

Aye, I s'pose.

Right, come 'ere,
let's have a look at you.

[bell ringing, goat bleating]

Yep. Just as I suspected.

- Nile Fever.
- Ahhhh.

- Nile what?
- Fever.

It's mainly prevalent
in North Africa.

I'm fairly certain your goat has it.

Mm.

Well, how?

She's never been to Africa.

- Spittle.
- Yes. Mm.

- Come again?
- On the back of a postage stamp,

- no doubt.
- You're winding me up.

Your son's in the army, isn't he?

Yeah, Royal Tank Regiment.

Well, that explains it.
It's airborne, you see.

Airborne.

I'm meant to believe that
African spittle is k*lling my goat?

- No, no, she's not dying.
- No, no.

[Tristan] Far from it. A simple
injection should sort her out.

- Siegfried?
- I must say, it's a good job

- you've been using our medicine.
- How do you mean?

Well, if not, the injection can cause

serious, serious consequences
for the animal.

- You mean it could k*ll 'er?
- Within seconds.

But you've nothing to worry about.
She's had the sulphanilamide.

Nay, nay.
There's been a misunderstanding.

What sort of misunderstanding?

Well, I j... I just...

I just don't think she's been
gettin' enough of the stuff.

Maybe I need to increase the dosage?

I always find it easier to administer
if you take it out of the packet.

Are you sure you've got everything?

Anyone would think
he was trying to get rid of us.

[Helen laughs]

Did Mrs Hall give you some cake?

Enough to see us through till winter.

One last cuddle for your granny
before we go.

[Jimmy cooing]

- [James Sr] Goodbye, son.
- [James] I'll call you soon.

Every Sunday without fail.

[James] Why do I feel like
I'm being ganged up on here?

[James Sr] Get used to it.
[laughs]

You two seem to be getting on
famously now.

Maybe we could invite them
to stay for the summer.

Let's not get carried away.

- [knock on door]
- [Siegfried] James? Helen?

[door closes]

Looks like the party's over.

I never got to do my speech.

- Then do it for me now.
- [Siegfried] Don't be ridiculous.

I'm being serious.

I want to hear it.

- Perhaps an abridged version?
- Music to my ears.

I thought I'd start by talking
about the emperor penguin.

Ah, that might be
where you lose your audience.

And how fatherhood takes many forms.

But however they manifest,
all fathers, God,

surrogate, or otherwise,
share one common desire...

...to help those under their care

become the best version
of themselves.

Job done.

The trouble is when they start
to forge their own path...

...and you realise the roles
have somehow reversed.

You find yourself needing them...

...far more than they
ever needed you.

And then I thought
I'd end on a flourish

with a particularly
pertinent quote from Aristotle.

Why do you always
have to go back to the Greeks?

I'm sorry if my terms of reference
are too highbrow for you.

I just think it'd be nice
if you chose a book we'd all read.

Like what, Tristan?
The Dandy?

[door opens, dog barks]

The Greeks built the foundations
of Western civilisation.

Honestly, a first-class education,
and this is what you come out with.

It beggars belief, it really does.

[Tristan] Well, I'm a student
of life, not the classroom.

It's nice to see
those two getting on so well.

[Mrs Hall] Isn't it just?

[laughter]

[Tristan sighs]