07x20 - Riddle School/Love Me Tenor

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [panting]

It's here. Finally!

[school bell rings]

Spaghetti day!

It only happens once a month, and everybody goes wild for it,

which is why I need to get a good spot in line.

[grunts]

Huh?

Oh.

- Relax, Loud.

I once waited hours in a line

in the Sahara desert

for what turned out to be a mirage.

- [sighs] Dang it.

I really thought I had a good jump on the line this time.

- Guess we gon' be here a while, huh?

- I'm glad I signed up for Mindful Waiting

as my elective this semester.

Well, that and a class called "EAT."

- Wait, same. - Me too.

- Oh, I signed up for EAT too. - Me too.

- I'm hoping to get my burning culinary questions answered.

To prix fixe, or not to prix fixe?

It keeps me up at night.

- Whatever EAT is, it sounds delicious.

The Beast and I can't wait.

- Ugh, don't tell me the Beast is--

- My stomach. - Your stomach.

- Yep, I decided a long time ago that all my life decisions

would be made by him.

He's a genius. [growling]

Like right now, the Beast says we're--

[growling] minutes from spaghetti.

[growling]

Soon, Beastie.

- I don't need your spaghetti, Patricia.

I only eat the things I hunt.

But I will take a pudding cup.

- Spaghetti, please.

Uh, does this marinara sauce taste different to anyone?

- Mmm.

- Wait, yeah. Something is off.

And that's something is-- spicy?

[screams] Very spicy!

Why is it so spicy?

- Hoo-wee, I can feel it, y'all!

[growling]

- The Beast is angry!

[alarm rings]

[all screaming]

Ahh.

- Hot, hot, hot.

Wait, Clyde. What is that?

- [gasps] Action News Team?

Couple of capitalization errors,

but I'll let it slide.

"Did you like my new spaghetti sauce?

"That was nothing compared to what's coming,

"unless you can stop me.

"Follow my clues if you want to save your classmates

"from a fate worse than fiery marinara.

Signed, the Swindler."

- [gasps] - Who could that be?

- These symbols at the bottom must be the next clue.

- Oh, they're unmistakably alien text.

- I think they're actually rebus puzzles.

Rebus puzzles are phrases made up of symbols.

Look, the first icon is a watch,

followed by the letter A four times,

then a flashlight icon, and a water drop.

Watch four A flash flood?

But where?

[screaming] - Flash flood!

[screaming]

- Human chain!

- [gasps] - Quick, grab my hand!

- Tell my story!

- "If you can't stop a little flood,

"how are you going to stop my next prank?

"I call it the big one.

It's coming. The Swindler."

- The big one? What even is that?

Stink bombs in the vents?

A swarm of bees?

- [gasps] Sharks.

Oh, it's got to be sharks, right?

It's always sharks.

- Can I see the note again?

[grunts]

There's something on the bottom.

It's a number sequence.

..

- [gasps] - [gasps]

I recognize that pattern.

They're numbers in the Dewey Decimal System.

Come on, guys, to the library.

- All right, Dewey.

Come out with your hands up!

- Shh.

- [quietly] Rusty, Dewey Decimal isn't a person.

It's a numerical system used to organize library books.

Come on, I'll show you.

.,

.,

..

There it is. - Yeah!

- Awesome! - Shh.

- What? It's empty.

Oh, and it stinks.

- What is it, boy? What do you smell?

- Sweat socks and dodgeballs.

[gasp] I know where the next clue is.

Nice work, Liam! - Right on.

- Shh!

- Everyone, be on the lookout.

The next clue has to be around here somewhere.

- Found it, fools.

Heh, feel bad for the chump who has to climb up there.

- Thanks for volunteering.

- [grumbles]

[grunting]

Got it!

[screams]

[blowing frantically]

- "You're getting warmer."

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Hmm.

[gasps] Warmer.

Put your hand over the message.

It must be heat activated.

- [screams] Sharks!

I knew it!

- That's no shark.

It's Hank the Piranha.

- So who wants to get the letter?

- Thanks for volunteering, dude.

- [groans] Oh, fine.

I'll do it.

Ahh!

Got it.

[chomp]

What? What?

[grunting]

[crash]

[clears throat]

"Bring the letters together and come find me."

- Ugh, more riddles.

- Gah! I'm tired of this!

We're never going to figure it out.

Agh!

- Wait, "bring the letters together."

Look, the random capitalization of certain letters

wasn't random.

They were clues.

And when you put those letters together, they spell--

- Hmm. - Um.

- Icescene!

Is definitely not my guess.

- Hmm. - Hmm.

all: Science!

- [gasps] The "big one" is in the science room.

Come on. I hope we're not too late.

We've got you now, Swindler.

all: Ahh! - The Swindler is a skeleton!

Oh wait, that's always there. [laughs]

[door slams] [all gasp]

[lock clicks]

[bars clattering]

- [evil laughter]

Oops. I lied.

The big one isn't here.

It's in the auditorium.

But you'll never get there unless you can

solve my riddles and escape this room.

You have ten minutes.

Tick tock.

[beeping]

- Okay, we can totally do this.

Let's start looking for clues.

[tense music]

- Hmm.

[gasps]

"Escape the room or it's lights out for you.

Haha."

Hmm.

Oh, lights out.

Guys, look!

- Desk drawers?

- And only hydrogen, beryllium, and nitrogen are lit.

What do you think that means?

- I don't know, but maybe we can find

an answer in the teacher's desk.

I'll turn on the light.

- Ugh, empty.

- Wait!

What are these numbers?

[gasps] I've seen one of these before.

It's a combination that opens a secret compartment.

[electricity buzzing]

- [giggles] Rad.

- How do we figure out the combination?

- Well, there's three drawers, so there must be three numbers.

Did anyone see anything we could use?

- What about those glowing elements?

Isn't there a number associated with each one?

- Yep. Hydrogen's atomic number is one.

- Beryllium is four, and nitrogen is seven.

[clicking]

- [gasps, laughs]

- It worked!

- "If I'm given the power to speak,

"you just might win.

Simply shake the hand that has less skin."

Okay, who has the least amount of skin?

- I think he does.

Shake the hand.

Could it be this easy?

No, why would it be that easy?

- Oh, hey, look at this.

There's a little speaker connected

to this feller's jawbone.

- We gotta figure this out, guys.

Only five minutes until the big one.

- Soon the hallways will be flooded with sharks

and bees and stink bombs!

- Easy, dawg. You're spiraling.

[electricity zapping]

- Wait, Rusty. Touch the skeleton.

- Congratu--

- Whoa. - The power to speak.

Rusty's static charge was enough to temporarily

turn the skeleton on.

But if we're gonna make him talk,

we'll need a lot more power.

And I just how we can get it.

- A human chain?

Yes! Human chain!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, Rusty, go ahead.

[electricity zapping, groaning]

- Congratulations, Action News Team.

You've escaped.

Now come find me.

- We did it! - [laughs] All right!

Hiya!

Oof.

- Mr. Bolhofner, you've got to get out of here.

There's a horrible prank about to happen.

- No there's not.

- What?

[gasps] You're the Swindler!

[all gasp]

- Yep. I was the one

who slipped you that first note in the cafeteria.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Congratulations!

You just got your first A in my EAT course.

- Your what?

- Wait, what do you mean?

- Espionage and Traps. EAT.

I thought the name was pretty clear.

- So there's no food?

[growling] - The Beast is not happy.

- Let me get this straight.

You set up this entire thing just

to test us for an elective class you're teaching?

- Yep.

- I think I need to lie down.

- Buckle up!

You have more weeks of this,

and I've got some doozies planned.

[all groaning]

- Oh, a word of advice.

Don't eat the meatloaf tomorrow.

[all groan]

[grand orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Another perfect afternoon at Gus' Games & Grub.

[sighs] Those amazing garlic knots.

[burps]

- The amazing games.

- The amazing prizes.

- I still can't believe you used all your tickets on that.

[laughs]

- What's that, General Blork?

Wow, you're so right.

After the invasion, we'll see if Rusty's still laughing.

- [nervous laughter]

- Hold up, fellers.

I think I lost my retainer again.

Oh, dang.

I bet I left it on the table.

- Let's go back and get it before Gus

accidentally tosses it.

- [gasps]

- Ugh, we're too late.

It's closed.

- ♪ I'm all alone, nobody near me ♪

- Yeah, but somebody's in there singing opera.

- Can't be Gus, y'all.

He don't even talk that there good.

- [gasps] It must be a burglar.

- Nobody messes with Games & Grub on our watch.

- ♪ Collect the quarters ♪

♪ The tens and twenties ♪

♪ Take all the dollars ♪

♪ Take all the monies ♪

♪ I'm all alone ♪

♪ Nobody near me ♪

♪ I'm all alone ♪

[all shouting]

- Gus?

- Jeez, what's up with the sneak attack?

- Sorry, Gus.

We thought you were a burglar.

Hold on.

That was your buttery-smooth voice we heard?

- Heck, who would have thunk you were

a professional opera singer guy?

- Oh, no. I'm no pro.

Opera's just a secret passion of mine.

Has been ever since I was a teeny weeny pepperoncini.

I always dreamed of singing on a big opera stage.

- ♪ La, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la ♪

[cheers and applause]

[sighs] But it never happened.

- Why not?

- Would you believe I'm too shy to sing

in front of other people.

I only cut loose when I'm alone.

- Hey, I bet we can help you get over your shyness.

I mean, it's the least we could do

after all you've done for us.

- Gus, we'll have you on stage faster than you can say

"one artisanal pizza to go, hold the anchovies

add sun-dried tomatoes."

What do you say?

- Well I say, facciamolo.

That's Italian for "let's do it."

[cheering]

- Dr. Lopez says to overcome shyness,

you need to take baby steps.

Or as she calls them, toddler tiptoes.

- Now you can sing for people without singing for people.

- Oh, you kids are the best.

Well Gus, here goes nothing.

[inhales]

[nervous sputtering]

- All right, Gus. That's a start.

You tipped the first toe.

[cheering]

- Yeah, Gus!

- ♪ Detroit, Lansing ♪

♪ Town to town, I'm prancing ♪

♪ This is what we call the Michigan strut ♪

[cheers and applause]

- That was Grouse, bringin' down the house.

Next up, Gus.

Everyone make a fuss! [cheers and applause]

- Okay, Gus.

Toddler tiptoe number two-- performing for real people.

- Yeah, I--I don't think I'm ready for karaoke, you guys.

- Relax.

It's all-you-can-eat crepe taco night.

Nobody will even notice you up there on stage.

- [nervous whimpering]

[all grunting]

[gulps]

- Tiptoes.

[opera music playing]

[gulps, inhales]

[strained vocalizing]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Ahh!

Ahh!

- You don't have to do it all alone, Gus.

We'll sing with you.

- ♪ You can do it Gus ♪

- ♪ Come out and sing with us ♪

- ♪ I will try ♪

both: ♪ He will try ♪

- ♪ I will try to sing one song ♪

♪ I think my jitters are depleting ♪

♪ And my panic is receding ♪

♪ My embarrassment is going ♪

♪ And my confidence is growing ♪

♪ I've been afraid of this so long ♪

♪ And in the span of just one song ♪

♪ My distrust no longer lingers ♪

♪ And I'm now an opera singer ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Okay, y'all.

Now that Gus is cured of his shyness,

we gotta find my retainer.

Mee-Maw's gettin' mighty suspicious.

I've been using a bunch of mushed-up fruit leather.

[creepy music]

[both groan]

- [screams]

[all shouting]

Look!

- Augusto's Opera 'n Antipasto?

What happened to the Games & Grub?

[elegant orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Huh?

[all gasping]

[laughter]

[classical music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, la, la, la, la, la ♪

- Gus, the place looks different.

- Do you like it?

You see, now that I'm able to sing in front of people,

I said to myself, Gus, why not turn

the old Games & Grub into an opera house?

Then myself said back, yeah, let's go for it.

Well, it's showtime.

Break a leg up there, Gus.

Oh, thanks there, Gus.

- What?

No more garlic knots?

- No more games?

- No more prizes?

Now I'll never have the tickets to get General Blork

the slap bracelet he wants.

- Guys, look.

It stinks losing the Games & Grub,

but if it means a lot to Gus, well,

maybe we ought to give his new place a shot.

Who knows? We might like it.

- [clears throat]

- Augusto's has a strict dress code.

Follow me.

- Anybody else's collar feel a little tight?

- [coughs] Tiny bit.

- [chuckles, gasps]

- Ow! - Oh, my!

- [growls]

[orchestral music begins]

- [singing in Italian]

- Okay. Let's just sit back and enjoy some opera.

- [singing in Italian]

[snoring]

- Is it over?

- [singing in Italian]

- Aw.

- If this was still the Games & Grub,

we'd be playing games right now.

- Ah.

I know something we can play.

Right, General Blork?

[squeaking]

- Hey! - What?

- Oh! - Ugh.

- [clears throat]

Our posted rules of etiquette

very clearly state no playing volleyball

with inflatable aliens.

[all sigh]

- Well dawgs, We gave Agusto's a shot, and we do not like it.

- I'm just a simple man.

All I want is a life of gamin' and grubbin'.

- I can't believe Gus did this to us.

- And after all we've done for him.

- I say we get him to switch back.

- Why would he?

Everything is going great in there.

- But what if it wasn't?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Okay, I connected timers to the marinara mixers

and the caviar hoses.

And they're all synchronized.

So now we start the countdown and watch Augusto's go down.

[laughter]

[record scratch]

- I'd like to dedicate this next song

to some very special friends of mine.

Now I'm no poeta, as we say in Italian,

but I took a stab at writing my own opera song

to show them how I feel.

[all gasp]

[orchestral music playing]

♪ My six dear friends I must thank ♪

♪ Friends that I know would not prank me ♪

- Listen to that.

It's so thoughtful.

- [sighs] We can't do this to Gus.

Turn off the timer, Stella.

- [gasps]

- I told you children no games!

[all gasping]

- Them sabotages are about to go off!

[timer beeping]

- ♪ La, la, la ♪

- What do we do?

- There's only one thing we can do.

We have to take the hits ourselves.

- ♪ My friends ♪

♪ You helped me shed my fear of singing ♪

♪ In front of crowds ♪

♪ My friends ♪

♪ I want to sing this song about you ♪

♪ To make you proud ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ You helped me sing my song ♪

♪ Now I know I'm just where I belong ♪

♪ I know I'm safe because my friends ♪

- I told these children no--

- ♪ Thank you, Lincoln, Stella, Rusty, Clyde, Liam, and Zack ♪

[cheers and applause] - [gasps]

- Bravo!

Bravo!

- What a good show.

- Okay, somebody start talking.

What was that all about?

- We rigged up your opera joint

'cause we wanted it to go belly up.

- But we realized how selfish we were being,

so we decided to take the sabotages ourselves.

- We're so sorry.

It's just that we really miss the Games & Grub.

It was our home away from home.

- Yeah. It was the one place in this mixed-up world

where we could just relax and be kids.

- Gah, wow. Jeez, Gus.

You didn't even consider how much

the G&G meant to the kids.

[sighs]

Hey, you know what?

I think I know a compromise.

Ladies and gentlemen, Gus' Games & Grub

proudly presents our monthly performance

of "Tears of Marinara."

- Okay, guys. It's showtime.

[orchestral music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ My friends ♪

♪ You helped me shed my fear of singing ♪

♪ In front of crowds ♪

♪ My friends ♪

♪ I want to sing this song about you ♪

♪ To make you proud ♪

- Liam!

I found your retainer.

- ♪ You helped me sing my song ♪

♪ Thank you Lincoln, Stella, Rusty, Clyde, Liam, and Zach ♪

- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪