08x08 - Bulking and Sulking/Wild Goss Chase

[bunniefuu]

♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like ping pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud House In the Loud House ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove That's how we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House In the Loud House ♪

♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

♪ Loud House ♪

♪ Loud, Loud House ♪

Poo-poo!

[upbeat music playing]

[whistling happily]

[gasps]

-Whoo! It's closin' time! -[clanging]

Whoo-hoo! What a shift, kiddos!

And thanks again for helping out while Grant and Kotaro

are away at Camp Crease,

mastering the art of napkin folding.

[rattling]

Is that Nacho stealing beans from storage again?

Not on my watch.

[grunts] Nacho!

Get your own beans!

You'll face justice for your crimes!

-Phew! -[Scoots] Open up!

Mama wants Lynn-guini!

And don't skimp on the shrimp!

Sorry, Scoots. We just closed.

[grumbles] Nobody wants to work anymore!

[mobility scooter whirring]

-[knocking] -Hm? [groans]

Scoots, I just told you-- [gasps]

Oh, hey! It's Uncle Lance!

Hi! [grunts] Okay...

Guys? I think the door's jammed!

It's locked! You can stop pulling!

Keep pulling? Okay!

-[straining] -[wood cracking]

-[crashing] -Oh. Oops.

[chuckles] I guess I'll fix that later.

So, how'd the search go today?

Not good! Which is why I need to do some stress-lifting!

Finding a Royal Woods location for my very successful

chain of gyms is harder than I thought.

Everything's just too ding-dang expensive.

Even Flip's garage would cost me an arm and a leg.

[sighs] I don't know.

Maybe this whole thing just isn't gonna work out.

Wait! What about the storage room

above the restaurant?

Oh! That could work!

It's not huge, but it might be enough space.

-Whoa! Are you sure, big guy? -Absolutely!

With the Loud boys back together and better than ever,

it just makes sense.

-Ow. -This is sweet!

Looks like EndureLance Gyms has found its new location!

That's everything. The hardest part was getting

all the beans out of here.

Time to open!

-[triumphant music] -[billboard grunts]

Would you like to do the honors?

Ha! You bet!

[straining]

-[crashing] -[chuckles]

I guess I'll fix that. Again.

[nervous chuckle]

Uh-oh! Looks like someone hated it!

[chuckles] Let me take that plate for ya.

Mr. Grouse! What can I get for you?

Steak? Chicken?

The winning lottery numbers? [chuckles]

How about a helping of tone it down a few notches.

-Now I'll have-- -[loud pop music]

[both] Whoa!

Lincoln! Can you tell Uncle Lance

to turn down the music?!

Can't hear you! I'm gonna go ask Uncle Lance

to turn down the music!

[music stops]

Ah...

-[door opens] -Hm?

Mmm!

[chuckles, grunts]

Mmm. It could use a little more paprika.

[dramatic music playing]

Oven mitts.

[whispers] One wrong move

and this choco-Lynn souffle is ruined.

-[sighs] -Congratulations.

Congratulations.

-[thudding] -[all] Huh?

[gasps]

[Dad sobs]

No! We can't lose you!

Come on, buddy! Stay with me!

-[sobbing] -Get a hold of yourself, man!

-He's gone! -Guess I'll have to start over.

Can you tell your uncle to be careful with his weights?

Uncle Lance!

Can you be more careful with your weights?!

Whoa! Whoops! Oh, h*!

Gosh, sorry!

Guess I don't know my own strength.

JK. I do. And it's impressive.

[dejected chuckle]

-[bird screeching] -[wind howling]

This is usually our busiest time of day.

[stammers] Where is everybody?

[people grunting and straining]

[car horns honking]

Alright! Let's see what you got, guys!

-[clamoring] -Come on, I'm late!

-You're doing great! -[Dad] Lance!

Wow! Great class you got here.

Do you think you could find a new spot for this?

It's blocking the parking lot just a teeny bit.

Ugh! You're right.

Come on! Use your head, Lance!

Of course I can. Sorry about that.

You heard the man! Move out, people!

[groaning] Oh! Oops!

-Hey! -Sorry!

[man] I never should have signed up for advanced tires!

[groans]

[sighs]

Okay, hopefully that's the last issue for--

-Huh? -Do you mind closing that?

Lance says the ice room chillies are great for glute recovery.

I can't take it anymore!

It's just one thing after another!

[grunts] Ow!

I gotta be straight with Lance. This isn't working out.

-[groans] -There he is!

Listen, I gotta be honest with you about something.

Oh! Me too.

We're probably thinking the same thing.

This whole gym-restaurant thing is...

Yes?

...totally working out!!

You're a lifesaver!

What?

Two bros, once estranged,

now working side by side!

Come here!

I'm just so ding-dang grateful!

Sorry, what were you gonna say?

[sighs] That same thing, actually.

-[chuckles] -What? Amazing!

We got this whole brother telepathy thing going on.

Anyway, gotta get back to the gym.

Bye.

[kids groaning]

Ugh. Fumble on the play, Dad.

I just couldn't do it!

He loves it here!

There's no way to get him to leave

without ruining our relationship!

Well, there might be a way...

You said he loves it here.

But what if he didn't?

Lincoln, this sounds like

another one of your devious little plans.

Tell me more. And go slowly.

[peaceful music playing]

[joints clinking]

Okay, that's it.

Listen to the calm sounds of--

-[loud rock music] -♪ Put your hands in the air ♪

♪ Like the ceiling ain't there ♪

Apologies, uh, everyone. I will be right back.

-♪ Make this last forever -[cheering]

Huh?!

♪ There's nothing worse ♪

♪ Than that guy over there... ♪

Hey, Lance! You here for Karaoke Day?

I was gonna ask you

if there's any way to reschedule.

It's interrupting everyone's flow.

Gah! I'd love to, I really would,

but this is our most popular event.

Maybe I can ask Scoots to turn it down.

Touch that dial and I end you!

Ugh!

[loud cheering]

[music fades]

Chili! Chili here!

Free chili for all EndureLance Gym members!

I heard the words "free" and "chili"

and I came running.

-Don't have a membership though. -No worries, Flip!

That's what a day pass is for, huh?

[chomping]

Take the whole pot. I got plenty.

The main thing is that you enjoy the gym.

Maybe do some squats.

[people grunting]

Wow! A packed house today!

[stomachs rumbling]

Oh. Oh no.

-Huh? -[loud gulping]

Did you all eat chili before a workout?

-[loud flatulence] -[Lance] Nooooo!

[both laugh]

[shudders] Well, that happened.

[takes deep breath] Back in the zone!

Alright! Let's get those bods moving

and those muscles grooving, g*ng!

-[claws snapping] -Oh! Ow, ow!

[all] Ow! Ow! Ow!

Okay, not quite the moves I'm doing.

Wait, are those lobsters?

What the heck is going on?

Ow!

[sighs] Oh.

[kids laughing]

[kids gasp]

Hey, uh, any idea why my gym is overrun with lobsters?

[gasps] They must've broken out!

I'll talk to Fish Lady Deb about getting better cages.

[heavy sigh]

Ah, don't worry about it.

I don't think having my gym

above your restaurant is working out.

What? Oh, no!

Yeah. After my class,

I'm gonna start packing up. I'm sorry.

I really wanted this to work out too.

[laughs] We did it, g*ng!

He's moving out! Our nightmare is over!

♪ No more weights crashing through the floor ♪

♪ Don't have to endure Lance's gym anymore ♪

♪ How come you kids aren't dancing with me? ♪

-[kids groaning] -[scatting]

I just came back to return this lobster.

You know, Lynn, if you didn't want me here,

you should've just said so!

Ow! Lance, wait!

[groans]

[rapid grunting]

Oh, joy. You found me.

This is where you always came when you were mad as a kid.

Wasn't hard to figure out.

Pffft! Well, you can leave, okay?

-'Cause I don't want to talk. -Lance, I'm sorry.

I-I should've told you the truth. [panting]

But we were getting along so well, and I didn't...

I didn't want to mess that up...

Oh... vision... going... blurry.

-[grumbles, sighs] -[wheezing]

I would've understood if you said it wasn't working out.

Your lying and sneaking around is what hurt the most.

It was like a charley horse, but in my heart!

You're right, I acted like a ding-dang ding-dong.

Whoo! [chuckles] Pulse is not slowing down!

From now on, just be honest with me.

If I can bench press pounds, I can handle the truth.

-I will. Promise. -Bring it in then, big guy!

Bring it in here!

[both sobbing]

What are you looking at? Never seen two brothers

crying over a reconciliation before?

We should head back, huh? I need to hit the showers.

Broke a mean sweat on these bleachers

and it's making me chilly!

[gasps] Chili! That's it!

I know how you can stay in Royal Woods,

and it's way better than my storage room.

Hey-hey! Thanks again, man,

for getting me this deal on Flip's garage.

Psh! All it took was a little sweet-talking,

a little haggling,

and half the rent being paid in chili.

[chomping]

[belching]

Well, it looks like EndureLance Gym is officially...

-[grunting] -[crashing]

Hey! That's gonna cost ya more chili!

[chuckles] Oh. Sorry.

[light string music playing]

[bell rings]

Gah!

This just in: the school newspaper is

in extra, extra big trouble!

-Ahh! -The headline:

"Editor Jamie Hiller is in a Panic

Over Terrible Readership Numbers"!

What we need are really gritty stories to grab new readers.

Ashley, what you got for me?

Do not pitch me another story about your aunt's new hot tub.

I got nothing.

[huffs] Okay, Petey, dazzle me.

Hmm. What about...

-hot dogs? -[groans]

Everyone knows processed pork is out!

There has to be some way to get folks to read our rag!

[kids chuckling]

And listen to this.

Armen cut in front of Lexi Rose on the monkey bars

and now they won't even look at each other!

[all gasp]

Lola, you always have the best gossip!

Oh, yeah! Don't just keep sipping tea!

Spill it! Tell us more!

Okay, how about this one.

Rumor has it that someone's been pranking

Principal Huggins by blasting an air horn at him.

It's made him a wreck.

-[kids gasp] -[nervous babbling]

[loud slurping]

Oh...

-[air horn blares] -[yelps, grumbles]

Press coming through.

Sorry, people, we need an exclusive interview with Lola.

Jamie Hiller. Student editor, The Elementary Herald.

Your mom works for my Aunt Jesse at the Gazette,

and I want you to work for me!

Our paper needs some "oomph"

and your goss could be just the thing.

How about writing a column for us?

Ugh, writing?

Sounds like work.

You'd get your picture in the paper.

Ooh! So I'd be, like,

the star writer of the newspaper?

Okay, well, there's a staff--

Who knows where it could lead?

One day the school paper,

the next day a national talk show!

[humming cheerful tune]

That's the theme song. I just wrote it.

Lola is in!

[mumbling nervously]

-[air horn blares] -[yelps, grunts]

Let the wild goss chase begin!

But I gotta play it subtle

so people don't know I'm eavesdropping on them.

Why does it always have to be a Number pencil?

What if I wanted to use an eight?

Or a one billion?

-[gasps] -[boy yelps]

[forced laughter] Right?

-That's what I said, Charlie! -My name is Logan.

And I don't know what you're talking about.

-Ha! Classic Charlie! -[crashing]

Slurp, slurp. Mmm!

Such yummy water.

I like peas. Asparagus I can live without.

Get back to me on carrots.

...the toilet in stall three definitely has better suction.

[Lola groans] None of this is goss-worthy enough

for my very first column!

What you up to, Mrs. Johnson?

[mysterious music playing]

[dramatic fanfare plays]

[chuckles]

[shutter clicks]

-[Principal Huggins whistling] -[gasps]

-[air horn blaring] -[screams, grunts]

[dramatic musical flourish]

[excited chatter]

Room for one more?

I don't know about you, Cheryl,

but I suddenly feel very uncomfortable in this cafeteria.

Let's eat lunch in our offices, shall we?

Oh, come on, Wilbur! It was a joke!

[sighs]

Oh, like none of you ever made bad life choices!

[lively jazzy music playing]

[snickers]

[shutter clicks]

[narrator] Chapter nine in our

Sports for the Uncoordinated series,

the cricket swing.

-Paddles up, everyone! -[grunts]

And swing!

[yelps, groans]

-[Lola snickers] -[shutter clicks]

[fabric ripping]

[squeaking]

Please, Lola!

You can't write about my Blarney underpants!

Sorry, sweetie. When Lola sees the goss,

Lola tells the goss. Bye-ee!

[squeaking]

Headline: our readership is through the roof,

and it's thanks to your column, Lola.

This is bigger than when Ashley won a Pulitzer!

My proudest moment.

I got one of Mr. Pulitzer's slide whistles

for winning recess bingo.

Breaking news, Lola:

I'm moving your column to the front page!

[gasps] I always knew blabbing was my special gift.

Blarney is so kindergarten.

[both snickering]

So, you got gossed, too, huh?

Join us at the table of shame.

[light jazz music playing]

Must be people from school here today.

Mama needs some grade-A dirt.

My readers expect no less.

Oof!

[gasps] Cheryl and Meryl?

Ooh! That's a goss goldmine!

[tires screeching]

[groans]

[both grunting]

[straining]

Beat ya again, sis!

Time to pay up. And guess what I want?

How many pairs of boot-scootin' boots

does one boot-scooter need?

Keep losin' and we'll find out! [laughs]

[groans]

[grunting]

[straining]

[scoffs] Fantastic.

First Cheryl and Meryl fail me, now I'm stuck!

Psst!

-[grunts] -Yeowch!

Flip, you have to get me out fast!

I cannot have anybody from school seeing me like this!

And money is not an issue!

[chuckles] Aww, everybody gets ol' Flip.

It just goes to show you how beloved I am.

Hey, nothin' greases up the dome better than lime Flippee Syrup.

Ecch!

Oop! 'Scuse the hands.

Had me a hankerin' for spicy corn chips.

[both straining]

[Nacho screeches]

-[pigeons cooing] -Ugh! Hey! Ahh!

[Lola grumbles]

Okay, Nacho, give it some gas!

[engine starts]

[metal creaking]

It's working. It's working!

Come on, raccoon! Step on it!

[engine revving]

[murmurs]

[engine straining]

[engine stops]

[sighs] Guess I have no other choice.

Flip, call the fire department.

But tell them absolutely no sirens!

Well-- Ow!

At least no one-- Ow!

...from school is-- Ow! ...here.

Hmm?

[suspenseful music playing]

Please don't see me.

Huh?

And that, my friends, is direct eye contact.

-[gasps] -[cheering]

Thank you for your service!

[panting]

How much to keep your mouth shut?

Ten? Twenty? A hundred?

A hundred thousand?!

Not that much, I got carried away.

Name your price, Winston!

-Between ten and a hundred. -What are you talking about?

I'll pay you not to tell everyone

what you saw here today.

Me. The fence. Et cetera.

Take one more dollar and I will make

your raccoon life miserable!

[fearful chittering]

I wasn't going to tell anyone about what happened.

Why not? That's the hottest goss of the year.

I'd blab immediately!

Well, that's the difference between you and me.

I'm not a meanie.

[gasps] And what exactly is that supposed to mean?

Ever since you wrote about my Blarney underpants,

people have been teasing me.

And I'm not the only one you've embarrassed.

You haven't noticed all the people in school

wearing dark sunglasses?

I just thought indoor sunglasses were making a comeback.

Maybe that's the problem. You don't even realize

how hurtful your gossip is. Hmm.

Wow, he's right.

I have been a meanie.

I've got to find a way to make this up to everybody.

Phew! Here goes nothin'.

Hot off the presses!

Got the latest goss right here!

The tea is scorching today!

Lola! Your new column is a smash!

Spilling the beans on yourself?

How will you top that?

I won't.

Because I am resigning from the newspaper.

[gasps] Ah. Don't yank my gam, Loud.

Please, tell me you're joking.

Sorry, but I realized people's feelings are more important

than getting a front-page story.

But--

[all giggling]

[light string music playing]

[students giggling and chattering]

What a big head!

The whole fire department came!

Agnes, do you hear that?

It's the sweet sound of freedom!

They're not gossiping about us anymore!

[cheering and whooping]

-[air horn blares] -[yelps, grunts]

I'll... eat lunch in my car.

♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

-♪ In the Loud House -♪ Loud House ♪

♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

-♪ In the Loud House -♪ Loud House ♪

♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is in the Loud House ♪