01x02 - McMahon, Martinis, & Madness

[bunniefuu]

[typewriter clacking]

[radio]
This is Fred Heckman.

You're listening to WIBC radio.

[Ralph Bass]
Fred, we're all very excited,

the possibility of you
joining us here in New York.

You took the job?

Honestly, I-I don't know.

Do not turn down the CBS job
because of me, Fred Heckman.

Tony! Sorry I'm late. Traffic.

Well, I appreciate
you making the time, d*ck.

[officer]
Indianapolis Police Department.

I got a 12-gauge
sawed-off shotgun

wrapped around a man's neck.

[Judy] Paul called in
during the meeting.

He picked up a possible 134
on the police scanner.



[Paul] An armed man
entered Meridian Mortgage.

-You got a name?
-Yeah, Tony Kiritsis.

Fred, there's a call for you.

No, I've gotta get on the air.

It's Tony Kiritsis.

This is Fred Heckman speaking.

[Tony] Let me tell you
'bout this m*therf*cker!

He and his father, both of them

are born-and-bred
cheats and liars.

Are they planning
on foreclosing on you, Tony?

[Tony] You're g*dd*mn right
they are, Fred!

I want you to interview me
live on the air.

We absolutely cannot
put this man on the air.

You heard the mouth on him!

The FCC fines alone,

you know how much they
f*ck' charge for a "f*ck"?

$300?

This is a family-f*cking-
oriented radio station.

[Ben]
If Tony decides to k*ll d*ck

in the middle
of your live interview,

that is all you're gonna
be remembered for.

This is gonna be your legacy.

[Fred] I would like
to caution our listeners

that what you are about to hear

will be an interview
with Tony Kiritsis.

-[collective gasping]
-Oh, my god.

[Fred]
After considerable debate,

we here at WIBC have agreed

to his request for an interview.

Better get ready, d*ck.

If you are listening
to this program with children,

I strongly urge you
to turn it off,

right now.

Hello, Tony.

You are live and on the air.

[typewriter clacking]

[tuning radio]

[reel-to-reel machine clicks]

[main show theme begins]

[upbeat jazz music]

[reel-to-reel clicks]

[upbeat jazz music]

-[tuning radio]
-[telephone ringing]

[upbeat jazz music]

[disconnected tone beeping]

[upbeat jazz music]

[jingle playing] ♪ WIBC ♪

[Fred] Tony, I want
to get back to something

you mentioned to me
earlier, off the air.

You said

you wanted to talk
about your grievances.

Your g*dd*mn right I did, baby!

These c*ck
never had any f*cking intention

of helping me develop my land.

[Jerry] Any more "f*ck,"

and we'll be bankrupt by lunch!

Can you bleep him?

I can't predict
what he's gonna say, man.

-Tell me more about your...
- Jesus f*cking Christ.

And keep in mind, Tony,

we do have, uh, families
listening to the broadcast...

so maybe be a little more
mindful of your vernacular.

[Jerry] Vernacular, my a*s!

[Gallagher]
I need to hear this.

[Tony]
Now, listen, listen.

The Halls
are a three-headed devil dog.

They got a mortgage company,
they got a real-estate company,

and they also do construction,
all under the same roof.

Now, you tell me,

does that sound like
the f*ck' mafia to you?

[Fred] So their businesses
are intertwined,

is that what you're saying?

[Tony] Hey, that's it!
That's exactly it!

You see it!

It's a typical bump-and-squeeze
type of operation

that the Interstate Commerce
Commission tries to discourage.

And here's the rub,

they give you a mortgage

just so they can
foreclose on you.

[Fred] Your contention

is that they planned
to foreclose on you all along.

[Tony]
Yeah! Yeah. Listen. listen.

This man's father,

real son-of-a-b*tch
if you ever met one,

promised me he would
help me develop the land,

but he never had
any intention of doing so.

Listen. Eisner-Osco Supermarkets
were prospective tenants.

The Halls showed them
seven sites on the West Side,

but not my site.

They steered 'em away from me,
away from my American dream.

I have proof, Fred.
Fred, I have proof.

Now, why would
a mortgage company do that?

So they can
pocket the land, Fred!

That's the game!

They set it up
so I'd have to foreclose,

so they could buy it cheap
in a Sheriff's sale.

They take your money
up the front,

and your property at the end.

They get that long-duck schlong
every which way!

[Jerry] f*ck! f*ck!
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

[Tony] They're foreclosing
on me March 1st,

and I'm trying to stop it.
I want an extension.

I paid the interest.
I'm entitled to it.

Fred, do you know what
this man's father said to me?

You're talking about
M.L. Hall,

d*ck's father, and the owner
of Meridian Mortgage?

[Tony] That's right, yeah.
This man's father said to me,

"Why should
I lend you more money?

I'm gonna own that place
for $100,000."

[shouting]
This man's father said to me,

"Why should
I lend you more money?

I'm making money on you now!"

Listen, the only thing cheaper

than what I done
with this shotgun

is what they tried to do.

I found that land!

I found it,
and f*ck it! f*ck you!

-[Fred] Okay, okay...
-f*ck you!

-No, no, no.
-Turn it off. Turn it off!

Tony, just wait a second, now.

What dream?

You mentioned a dream.

What is this dream?

Oh, I don't think so, Fred.

[Fred] You don't think so what?

Well, you know, you start
telling people your dreams,

and they sh*t all over you.

They call you crazy.

I'm not crazy!
I'm not f*ck' crazy!

I've been an angry man
for 44 f*ck' years.

I'm the strongest man
mentally I've ever known,

but they betrayed me.
They set me up.

They schemed
to ruin a human life.

Well, I want to hear
about the dream, Tony.

Was it about the...
was it about the land?

[sniffles]

I own 17 pristine acres

in the most profitable,
most beautiful area

a man could imagine...

ideal for a state-of-the-art
shopping destination.

Let me ask you something, Fred,

and don't lie to me.

Do you like steak?

Well, I certainly enjoy
a nice ribeye now and again.

'Course you do!

What honest American man doesn't?

[Fred] Is that
what you wanted to do?

You want to build
a restaurant on your land?

[Tony] No, not just a restaurant.

An experience!

You know
what an experience is, Fred?

It's something that changes you,

even if it's just a whisper.

An experience?

That certainly
sounds like something.

[Tony]
Picture this, picture this.

Classic American steakhouse,

red booths, martinis,

all the sides that people like,

and the, you know,
the baked potatoes

and the iceberg lettuce
with the blue cheese dressing,

and don't forget about
the pièce de résistance,

the steak! You see what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I certainly do.

[Tony] I got a guy lined up,

he could get you the best steak
you've ever had in your life,

top of the line,

but it wouldn't just be

for the hoi polloi,
but for regular folk too,

you know, still have
all the ambiance

and the waiters and the bow-ties

and the silver trays.

[Fred] Tony, I can understand

why that's very important to you,

and I want to say I...

I appreciate
you sharing that with us.

[Tony] Well, you know,
it wasn't just a dream, Fred.

It was... it was my last chanc.

It was my last chance
to make something of my life,

and these guys wanted
to steal it from me.

They wanted to-to beat me,
to destroy me as a man.

Well, I didn't take d*ck here
to be a buffoon.

I took him for vengeance!

Well, how is d*ck doing?

[Tony] d*ck's fine, man!

He's had a silver spoon
up his a*s his entire life,

so much so where he probably
shits dimes, don't you, d*ck?

d*ck just said yes.

I wonder if I could
speak to d*ck directly.

I want to find out from him
what his condition is.

[Tony] His condition?

He's a f*ck' thief.
He got it from his father.

[Fred] Okay, Tony.
Can I speak to d*ck?

-Well, listen...
-[loud thumping]

-Was that on the radio?
-I don't know. I don't know.

-No, it's coming through.
-Where'd it come from?

It sounds like some...
someone's knocking at the door?

[shouting] Who's knockin'?

Who's there?

Wait. Hang on, Fred.

Who's knockin'?

[officer] It's the b*mb Squad.

Tony, can you confirm

that there's expl*sives
in the domicile?

You're g*dd*mn right I do, pal!

I got nitroglycerine rigged up

to blow the whole place
to smithereens!

[officer] Roger that.

[Tony]
Are you gettin' all this, Fred?

[Fred] Yes, Tony.

It sounds to me
like you're suggesting

that you have your apartment
wired to explode?

[Tony] You ain't just
whistlin' Dixie, pal,

and I know
what I'm talking about.

I was a munitions expert
in Korea,

and I trained cadets
at West Point,

and that's a f*ck' fact.

[Fred] Okay, uh, Tony...

[Tony] Listen. I don't like
the way these guys operate.

They got sn*pers across the way,

they got people
banging on my door

just begging me
to pull this trigger.

You know, they're lucky
I got a steady hand.

Now listen, Fred.

I'm gonna need two things,
and these are non-negotiable.

The first thing is
I want an apology

from M.L. Hall himself,
no flunkies, all right?

And then I'm gonna want
full immunity,

'cause none of this was my fault.

Okay, I understand
that these are your demands.

That will definitely help.

[Tony] That's right, demands.

I'm also gonna need
a couple of lawyers.

You know how it is, fine print.

Are you writing this down?

I am.

[Tony] Look, there's two of 'e.

One's a muckety-muck
and one's a good egg.

It's John Ruckelshaus,

Johnny Rucks, and, uh...

naw, sh*t...
[blows raspberry]

Uh, Charles Wilson.

Charles Wilson.

John Ruckelshaus
and Charles Wilson.

[Tony] Johnny Rucks. Yeah.

That's right. That's right.

[Fred] Okay, Tony. Can I...

can I speak to d*ck Hall, please?

[Tony] Listen, work on
those things first.

Look into Eisner-Osco,
look into my claims,

so your listeners know
that I'm telling the truth.

[Fred] We will look into
all of that, Tony,

and, uh, let me just say,

I really appreciate you
taking the time with us today.

Fred Heckman
thanking me for my time...

that's somethin' else.

Over and out, baby.

[Tony] Hoo!

[Tony chuckles to himself]

This is Fred Heckman, WIBC News.

That was a live interview
with Tony Kiritsis,

the hostage-taker.

We'll be right back

after these words
from our sponsors.

♪ Mattress Daddy
Mattress Daddy ♪

[staff applaud]

[Franco] A dark horse

which nobody had ever heard of

swept past the grandstand
in triumph!

[Fred] You old son of a g*n.

What do we know
about Meridian and Tony?

Uh, standard
mortgage foreclosure.

Let's drill a little bit
deeper down on that,

because something
doesn't pass the smell test.

Oh! There was that protest
out in front of Meridian

like two weeks ago.

I guess there was...

out of 430 mortgages,
they foreclosed on 410.

We should track that down
before anybody else.

All right?
Get down to Crestwood.

Get with Paul, get some real
boots-on-the-ground reporting.

See what you can do, okay?

Let's get all hands on deck here.

We need to plant a flag, eh?

-Great interview, Fred.
-Yeah.

-[Ben] Steakhouse!
-[Fred chuckles]

[Fred] Chief!

-[Gallagher] Fred.
-[Fred] Hey, Chief.

[Gallagher]
Called the D.A.'s office.

Told them that Kelly
needs to get his a*s down here

to advise on immunity.

"Advise." Jesus Christ.
What will Tony think of next?

Well, Tony would like
his lawyers.

[Gallagher] Yeah, they're
being notified as we speak.

Ginny, Tony said
he went to West Point.

See if you can find out
when he was there.

See if there's any former
instructors or classmates.

Give us a general
character sketch.

Copy, please?

Here, you have two minutes.

[Fred] Thank you.

Fred? Uh, we're on the line
for thousands in fines

because of
that one interview alone.

I knew I should've f*ck'
insisted on that dump button!

[Fred] Jerry! Okay.

Whatever you find out
about West Point,

take it to Ben over at Crestwood,

and then get back here,

'cause I need you
to start tracking down leads

-on this Eisner-Osco, okay?
-Okay.

[Jerry] And I need you
to apologize to the listeners,

and two, I need you to tell
Mr. Fairbanks this was you,

because I had
nothing to do with this.

[Fred]
Okay, Jerry, I will tell him

that it was all my decision
as news director.

[Jerry] Thank you.

[Officer]
Everyone needs to evacuate.

Please, stay calm.

Make your way over there.

Everyone,
stay behind the cordon here.

Get back.
Okay, watch your step, please.

O'Brien?

[O'Brien] Hey.

[Ben] Hey.
Hear Fred's interview?

Everyone's listening to IBC,
even other reporters.

Plus, see that woman
over there in the blue coat?

-Mm-hmm?
-Yeah, that's Pearl.

Big Fred Heckman fan.

She lives
in the buildings over there.

Says that we can use
her phone and bathroom.

Yeah, just don't let the rest
of these jackals know, right?

-[chuckling]
-Uh, you go left, I go right?

-Sounds good.
-Yes, sir.

Well, then I would like to speak

to a representative
from Eisner-Osco

who can comment
on the record, please.

Yes, thank you.
Please do call me back.

Eisner-Osco's giving me
the runaround.

I frankly
do not give a sh*t, Fred.

-Pam, tell him.
-Mattress Daddy pulled out.

f*ck' Mattress Daddy!
Our biggest sponsor.

Why, Pam?
Let me remind you of something.

When I first got to this station,

they were selling
baby chicks by mail

and chewing tobacco.

It was a garbage can on the air.

Pulled it out of the gutter

to bring to number one
in the market.

I wiped the filth off
and turned it

into the number-one
radio station in Indianapolis.

Brought in
his L.A. contacts.

It was my L.A. contacts
that landed us

McMahon, Martinis, & Madness.

You think anyone can do that?

Get Ed f*ck' McMahon

to take two yokels
out on the town?

And meet Johnny Carson.

[Jerry] You think
they're meeting Johnny Carson

over at WKRX?

I'm the brains behind the promos!

I lured DJ Ricksy and The Pig
over from Cleveland.

You know who else is doing that?
f*ck' no one, that's who!

Anything else?

[scoffs]

[Jerry] If that f*cking menace
Kiritsis calls again,

for the love of God
and all that is holy,

please don't put him on the air.

Yes, hi. This is Fred Heckman
from WIBC News.

I was given Mr. Silver's name

as a point of contact
for a potential property.

Yes, I will hold.
Thank you.

Jerry, I don't know
what to tell you.

I-I report the news.

You deal with the advertisers.

Fred, how many advertisers

do you think
we're gonna have left?

[Jerry] You know who they fire
first when the sponsors leave?

I'll give you a hint.
It's not the talent.

It's me, the station manager.

Pam?

[Fred] Yes, thank you.
Is this Mr. Silver?

[Jerry] I need to speak
to an adult!

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

[camera shutter snapping]

[Ben] It's a chaotic scene
outside here at Crestwood,

as hundreds of residents

are being evacuated
from the building.

The City has no shelter in place

for the residents,
most of them elderly,

but according to a Mrs. Taper,
a neighbor of Mr. Kiritsis,

"There are
no hard feelings."

Hey, I...

[clicking button]

[recording of Mrs. Taper]
Well, Tony fixed my vacuum,

and he's always the first person

to get that maintenance man
to fix my heater.

He's a nice man.

[clicking button]

For many residents
out in the cold,

they'll have to rely
on family and friends

to take them in,

For how long, No one can say.

This is Ben Hairston, WIBC.

[jingle playing] ♪ WIBC ♪

♪ Indianapolis ♪

[Ben] Okay.

Um...

okay, so, there's no record

of Tony having ever been
at West Point,

either as a cadet
or an instructor.

[leafing pages]

[overlapping chatter]

You wanna stick around
for a while?

I promise I won't tell Fred.

Well, maybe just
a couple minutes?

Okay.

[Man]
It's a very brutal situation...

[Man 2] So far everyone
in the community...

[Man 3] I mean, we are trying
to find more information...

[Woman] ...Alice, Channel 8.

[overlapping chatter]

[phones ringing]

[Fred] When you say,
"They have a reputation,"

what does that mean?

No, Mr. Ando,
all I'm asking is,

what does it mean when you say

that Meridian Mortgage
has a reputation?

A reputation for what?

[caller hangs up]

-Okay.
-[knocking]

Yeah?

Lawyers are here.

Gallagher is so mad,
he could spit.

D.A. Kelly didn't show.
He sent subordinates.

[Fred] This would be
a whole lot easier

if the D.A. wasn't trying
a police corruption case.

Pfft, if I were Kelly,
I wouldn't even run a stop sign.

Every cop in this city hates him.

[Fred]
That sounds about right.

My uncle says the only reason

that Kelly's going after the cops

is 'cause they know
all his dirty laundry.

-[Fred] Welcome to Indianapolis.
-[Judy] Mm-hmm.

[Gallagher] You're as useless
as t*ts on a bull.

I mean, this isn't
just a case we're handling.

This is an active situation.

[all talking at once]

Gentlemen, gentlemen!
Nice to see we're all assembled.

Fred, maybe you can
explain the situation

to Lucy and Ethel here.

D.A. Kelly can't be bothered
to show his face!

I spoke with Mr. Kiritsis.

He has two requests.

Demands.

Number one,
he wants total immunity.

[Martz]
There's no precedent for that.

[Fred] I'm aware
there's no precedent for it.

It's just what he has asked for,

along with an apology
from Meridian Mortgage,

specifically from
Mr. M.L. Hall.

Where's your boss?

He's apprised
of what's happening.

Ooh, is he?
Or are you two covering for him

because you don't know
where the f*ck he is?

We know exactly where he is.

Okay, we are just
waiting on Tony's lawyer.

-[Ruckelshaus] Gene!
-[Gallagher] Ruck!

Glad you could
make it so quickly.

Always glad to be of service.

I'm not sure why
Mr. Kiritsis requested us.

I helped him

with some zoning issues
a couple years ago, but, uh,

I'm just not sure

I'm the appropriate
attorney to...

I'm with Mr. Wilson here.

Uh, my busy trial
schedule is such...

Defending crooked cops?

Lieutenant Reed Moistner
is a decorated police officer

-who has been...
-Who has been

bribing private citizens
for protection.

[Ruckelshaus] I look forward
to swatting down all the charges

in this Mickey Mouse game
you're playing.

We have a g*dd*mn witness.

[Gallagher]
Where's your District Attorney?

Because funny things
seem to happen

every time
he disappears to California.

What are you implying?

That your boss
is allegedly embroiled

with some pretty
unsavory characters,

drugs... m*rder.

Am I forgetting anything?

He was only at that party
to investigate.

Of course he was.
Allegedly.

I will say this
for the District Attorney,

he certainly keeps busy.

-You know this is bullshit.
-David...

[all talking at once]

[Gallagher] Step back.

Back up.

Hey! Hey! Gentlemen! Please.

Can we return
to the matter at hand?

Mr. Kiritsis
has requested two attorneys,

one for the apology,

and the other for the immunity,

so let's put one
in charge of civil,

and one in charge of criminal.

Criminal.

Civil. Good? Good.

Now, I suggest
somebody get on the phone

to Meridian Mortgage

and start working
on that apology.

I need to be elsewhere.

Hey, you're criminal.
He said it, not me.

So, this is pretty crazy, huh?

Yep.

Tony, uh...

he seems to have
a lot of goodwill

from some of the officers,
even though he's, um...

well, he's-he's had
some troubles.

You know the Kiritsis family?

No, just what
I've heard on the radio.

Well, he's a good guy.

I have a... cousin.

Similar situation.

Nicest guy, he just...

gets a little wiggly
now and then, you know?

Has to howl at the moon.
But we love him to bits.

That sounds like Tony's family.

Except his two brothers.
He f*ck' hates 'em.

But his brother, Jimmie,
and his sister...

He has a sister?

She must be worried sick
about him.

Mm. Imagine so.

They had a falling-out
over some money years ago.

That's a shame.

It is.

You know, they haven't spoken
since it happened.

Since... what happened?

Well...

What'd you say your name was?

Uh, oh, I'm Ginny.

Who are you with, again?

No one.

So, uh...

what happened between them?

It's nice talking
with you, Ginny.

Well, I'll, uh...

I'll keep you in my prayers,
Officer.

[Ben] In an interview
with WIBC's own Fred Heckman,

Kiritsis asserted
his expertise in the area,

citing his time

as a munitions instructor
at West Point.

WIBC contacted West Point,

who would not confirm that
Kiritsis was an instructor.

[Tony] "Not confirm"?

What do you mean, "not confirm"?

I was a small-arms instructor
at West Point

for five f*ck' years!

I served as a corporal
in the Korean w*r.

The b*mb Squad is
taking Kiritsis at his word.

This is Ben Hairston, WIBC.

[click]

I think I got something.

"Not confirm"?

You weren't drafted like me.

Your daddy paid
for your college deferment,

then you joined
some fraternity and wore togas

and siss-boom-bah,
you f*cking sissy.

Not me! I've been working
every day of my g*dd*mn life.

I know what you're gonna say.

What, you served in the Navy?

As an officer, during peace time?

Not as a grunt in the Korean w*r.

What, where were you stationed,
San Diego?

Worst thing to happen to you
during your tour

was a g*dd*mn sunburn!

"Not confirm."

[phone rings]

What is it?

[man] Is this Tony Kiritsis?

Speaking!

Yeah. You know what you should
do to that rich prick?

Blow his head off.

Come on.
Blow his f*cking head off!

You're a lot sicker
than I am, pal.

[bangs phone down]

Can you believe these people?
He's telling me to sh**t you.

What the f*ck's
the matter with people?

Goddammit.

[Fred] Will you please tell him

I called about Meridian Mortgage?

-[knocking on door]
-Yeah?

[Judy] They need you
in the conference room.

Bill Hall's on the line.

[Fred] Mr. Hall?
We're all here, uh,

ready to help you
with the apology

that Tony has demanded
from Meridian Mortgage.

Well, I-I appreciate
your position, but...

[chuckles] I, uh, I need you
to appreciate mine.

[Gallagher] Your brother's got

a shotgun wired
to the back of his skull, Bill.

How hard can it be
to muster up an apology?

[Bill] Well, see, the, uh...
the demand

is that Dad give...

[whispering]
the apology, right?

[chuckles nervously]

[Ruckelshaus]
That's right, Bill.

Is your father there?

Can we, uh... speak to him?

Well, gee, uh...

Dad's, uh...

sort of indisposed right now.

[Gallagher] Well, gee, Bill,

maybe you could get him
on the f*cking phone.

He's not here.

In the office?

In the state.

Well, uh... where is he?

[Bill]
I believe he's in Florida.

Well, can you...
can you help us out here?

Bill?

Can we get in touch with him?

[Bill] Gosh, Fred,
that's just it. Uh...

We can't find him.

[Gallagher]
Can't find who, Bill?

We can't seem to locate M.L.

You can't seem to locate
your own father,

other than knowing

that he's in
the state of f*ck' Florida?

[Bill] Yeah, if pressed,

I'd say in
the Fort Lauderdale area.

-"If pressed"?! If...
-Uh, look.

Can you help us find him, Bill?

We really need M.L.
to sign off on this

to help your brother.

[Bill]
I'm gonna see what I can do.

[call disconnects]

[banging handset down]

What's the matter
with these people?

I mean, at this rate,

we're gonna be here until Easter,

and someone'll be dead!

And I-I don't mean Jesus!

Excuse me.

Hey, where are you at
on the ground right now?

What happened at the meeting?

It was a total fiasco.

I'll fill you in later.

Uh, where are you at
with these interviews?

Uh, well, Tony's got

a lot of friends
in law enforcement,

believe it or not.

Paul was talking
to a Sheriff's Deputy

who had breakfast with Tony
just last week.

What about the residents?

Uh, mostly pensioners,
can barely afford rent,

-charged per phone call.
-[Pearl] No, no.

[Ben] Uh, correction,



and then they're charged
beyond that.

Long distance is extra,
of course.

Uh, hey, uh, Ginny was supposed
to be here a half hour ago.

You seen her anywhere?

[Ginny] Uh, I'm here.

Oh, that's funny, because
you're supposed to be here.

Sorry. I...
might have something, a story.

Tell me.

Tony's sister.

One of the cops let slip

that there was a dispute
over money between them

a while back.

Uh, she's at a nearby
mobile-home park.

All right, follow the lead,
but don't f*ck around.

You got him cussing at you.
Ginny, welcome to the club.

[Fred] Lot of tentacles
to this story.

It's more than
just a hostage situation.

There's something here.

You're sounding
like the guy who hired me!

I have to admit,
it's been a while.

[Ben] It's a hell of a thing.

Yeah, all right.
Keep me posted.

I haven't heard him like that.

Yeah, Fred's been at this
a long time.

I forget that
he was a reporter-reporter.

Yeah, you never think
you'd get a story like this

-in Indianapolis.
-Mm-mm.

Oh! Uh, you gotta get going.

Uh, there's an extra

tape recorder and mic in the van.

Okay, well, I'll see you.

Okay.

[door opens and closes]

[chuckles]

[upbeat music]

Hmm.

Tell him what you just told me.

Uh, when I was there,
at Meridian,

when they gave
Mr. Kiritsis his mortgage,

I didn't really understand
why it went through,

because he didn't
have any income,

and I thought that was strange.

But I-I don't blame Mr. Hall,
because he's kind,

no matter what people
say about him.

No matter what anyone says
about M.L. Hall?

No. d*ck.

Nobody likes M.L.

Huh! Okay. Well, I'm gonna

want to probably talk to you
further about that.

-Thank you, Helen.
-Oh, you're welcome.

You better get back
to the phones.

They're ringing off the hook.

People keep calling in!

They want us to re-air
your interview with Tony.

What?

In its entirety.

[Jerry] No f*cking way!

[Judy] I am just telling you
what the listeners are saying.

Some people
are mad they missed it,

and they want us to run it again.

Well, how many calls
are we talking?

I don't have an exact number,
Jerry, but at least a hundred.

-[phone ringing]
-A hundred?

WIBC. Judy speaking.

Okay. I'll look into it.

I'll need to talk
to Mr. Fairbanks.

Not Mattress Daddy?

f*ck you, Fred.

Call on line one.

I have a call, Jerry,
on line one.

Thank you, Judy.

Go get this call.

Hello?

Fred? Ralph Bass here.

In our last conversation,
you mentioned your kids,

and it occurred to me

that my wife
just so happens to know

every good school
in the Tri-State area,

and, believe me,

she'd be happy
to talk to your wife,

give her the lay of the land.

Well, that is a very nice offer,

and I do appreciate
your enthusiasm for me.

[Ralph]
And for My Town Indy.

I mean, "My Town New York"
has a ring to it!

[chuckles] It sure does,

but we're kind of in the middle
of a breaking news story here.

We've got a hostage situation
in Indianapolis.

A g*nman has kidnapped
his mortgage broker.

Never a dull moment,
not even in Indiana.

No, no.

No, in fact, I was able
to interview the g*nman

live on the air.

You put him on the air?

I did. It was one of
the hardest decisions

I've ever had to make,

but it turned out to be
the interview of my life.

There any national outfits there?

No, but I bet there will be
by day's end.

And do you have an exclusive?

I do.

In fact, he'll only talk to me.

See, Ralph, this is
what I still want to do.

This is what I meant
when I said I'm more

than just My Town Indy
or My Town New York.

[sighing]

I'm a reporter, Ralph.

You want to do hard news.

I do.

This could be a story

about a madman taking
his mortgage broker hostage,

or an indictment
on the American Dream, or both.

Sounds like CBS.

How would you feel about

broadcasting this story nationally?

[Jerry] You're right.
It is challenging.

You know, we want
to do good journalism.

I mean, that's
our number-one thing.

Of course. Yeah.

Hi, honey. How are you?

Hi. Uh, Jerry was just
telling me about the FCC.

[Fred] Oh, yeah.

Um, I brought you

clean shirts and your Dopp kit

in case you don't
make it home tonight.

It's $300 per fu..., uh...

There's still no word
from Mr. Fairbanks.

I'm so glad that you came by.

I want to talk to you
about something.

Um... drop these off.

Come take a walk with me.

How are you faring?

You know, uh,
it's a lot going on.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[she laughs]

Come here.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Mm.

[chuckles] What's going on?

[he sighs]

Sorry.
I got caught up in the moment.

You got caught up?

[sighing] I'm not myself.

Say more.

Uh...

You should probably...
go home.

No.

Are you under a lot of pressure?

[chuckles] Uh...

Yes.

I bet this closet
has seen some action.

[they chuckle]

Let me walk you out.

Okay.

[knocking]

[Tony] Motherfuck!

[music on the radio playing]

Trust someone?
Most trusted man in radio,

And then you know what happens?

They go and say
you're a f*cking liar!

m*therf*ckers.

[music playing on radio]

Uh, ma'am,
are you Effie Kiritsis?

I'm Ginny Hughes with WIBC.

I wanted to ask you
a few questions.

[cranks up radio volume]

Okay, not a problem.

I'll just go next door
and I'll talk to your neighbors.

[radio blares]

Wait.

[radio stops playing]

Don't go bothering my neighbors.

[Tony] Call me a f*ck' liar?

They wouldn't know
a f*ck' grunt...

[radio playing music faintly]

No wonder I'm so f*cked up.

They say I'm a f*ck' liar.

What do I would lie about?

You... you think Indianapolis
is cold in the winter?

Should try being on
a f*cking mountain in Korea.

Um...

is it okay if I take notes?

So, I guess you heard about

what Tony did
to get his money from me?

Mm-hmm.

[Effie] As far as I'm concerned,
it was a family matter.

Okay.

I never called the police.

I never wanted to press charges.

Do you mind if I record this?

[Gallagher]
Oh, you've gotta give us a win.

You've gotta give us,
Hey! Fred?

Remind these weasels

that we're hip-deep
in a hostage crisis

and their boss needs to respond
to the immunity...

There's a process!

Don't give me that horseshit!

You still can't find him,
can you?

[walkie-talkie]
We're ready for you, Chief.

Roger that.

Gotta go.

Hey. But let me know when
Malibu Barbie gets back to town.

He's at a conference!

[Gallagher] Oh, bullshit.

-Okay.
-[door closing]

Civil,
where are we with this apology?

Meridian is working on a draft.

And?

It needs to be okayed
by M.L.

And M.L. still
cannot be contacted.

[Fred] What am I supposed
to tell Tony about this, huh?

Mr, uh, Fairbanks
wants to talk to you

in, uh, in my office.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

[door closing]

[Jerry] It-it's line five.

[Fred] Hello, Mr. Fairbanks?

Fred, I want to congratulate you

on a well-conducted interview
with a madman.

That interview
has gotten tongues wagging

all over our great city.

People cannot get enough of it.

I want WIBC to be the name
on everybody's lips.

You and this lunatic
are the best thing on radio.

Fred! It's Tony.

I'll take it in my office.

Thank you, Mr. Fairbanks.

Uh... I-I've gotta go.

-[hanging up]
-[Jerry] Uh...

Yeah, okay.

-[Fred] What line?
-[Judy] Uh, two.

[Fred] Tape it.

[Jerry] Tape it?
Why are we taping this?

No! We need to go on the air!

Jerry, I'm not prepared
to go on the air live with it.

-You heard Mr. Fairbanks!
-He's gonna ask questions

that I am not prepared to answer!

[Jerry] Do you even listen to me?

[Fred] We don't have
the answer to them

Tony?

Uh, Tony? Did we lose him?

Tony, are you there?

Tony!

Are-are-are you there?

Yes, Mr. Heckman. I'm here.

Ah, welcome back to the program.

[to Gallagher]
Any news at all? f*ck.

How are we doing?

[Tony] I'm a little concerned
about your station's reporting.

-[Fred] Oh?
-[Tony] I heard you broadcast

that you couldn't find any record

that I had been at West Point.

Well, who would like
to bet me $100,000

that I was there?

[he chuckles]

Well, tell them
to get their 100,000 bucks out,

because I was there as an
advisor to the instructor

on heavy infantry weapons.

That's anti-personnel weapons,
anti-tank weapons,

mortars, recoilless r*fles.

-Well, now, Tony...
-I was there, pal!

We had to fact-check that,
but I'll concede

that just 'cause
we didn't find a record of it

doesn't mean you weren't there.

Yeah, I can just hear the people.

They're gonna call me a phony.

They're gonna say I wasn't there.

Well, I'll take you there,

and I'll show you my name
carved into a f*cking rock.

[Fred]
Tony, no one's infallible.

I will personally look into this.

You know, the average guy

that would've gone through
something like this

would've had a heart attack
or-or a stroke by now?

They're lucky
they're dealing with me,

'cause some Nervous Norman
would've shot him already.

Did you, uh, did you look into
my Eisner-Osco deal?

Well, about that, Tony,

I haven't really received
any corroboration on that,

and Eisner-Osco
has no comment at this time.

Um, I'm wondering,

uh, how is d*ck?
Can I talk to him?

No, forget about d*ck.

This has nothing to do with d*ck.

Uh, what about M.L.?

Where's my apology?

Well, um...

we have spoken to them,

and they are
aware of your request,

but I tell you what, Tony,

we-we-we have to know
that d*ck is okay.

I mean, his wife, Ibby,
and his children,

are completely upset about thi.

[Tony] Yeah, poor Ibby
and the kids, yeah.

-I feel for 'em.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Well, don't you think
it might be a nice gesture,

maybe, if you
let him speak to his wife?

Why should I be the one doing
the nice gestures, huh, Fred?

You know the truth, d*ck.

Why don't you tell
the listening audience

what you and your family did

to an ordinary guy like me?

Go ahead. You know, Fred,
he's right here.

We tried to work with you, Tony.

Uh, I'm sorry, Tony.

I couldn't quite hear
what d*ck said.

-That's a lie.
-Can I speak to him?

That's a f*ck' lie!

You motherfuck!

Are you listening
to this m*therf*cker?

You and your father didn't try
to work it out with me!

- Okay, you sound really upset,
- m*therf*cker!

Tony, and I understand that.

Now, can I just,
can I speak to d*ck?

[Tony] You don't know
the Halls like I do, Fred.

They are vipers!

I've met more selfish, deceitful
people in real estate

than in any other business
I've been in,

including the used-car business!

Listen, Tony,
don't you think that,

with the increased visibility
of this particular situation,

that this might reflect better
on your situation?

Well, I've never told
a lie in my life,

and I haven't told a lie
since the situation started.

I don't need to,
'cause I've got nothing to hide.

When we get through with this,
you're gonna think I'm a witch,

and I think
I've already proven that,

I knew what was going on,

and there was nothing
I could do about it!

There was nothing
I could do to stop it,

and you know, Fred,
I haven't heard you

say that once on the air,

as much as I've heard you
call me a g*dd*mn kidnapper!

Well, now, Tony, we are
looking into all of your claims,

and we are taking them
very, very, very seriously.

Oh, f*ck! f*ck!
Fred, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

f*ck.

[Tony chuckles] Okay.

[Fred] Okay.

Yeah.
Did M.L. issue the apology?

Well, we're...
we're working on that, Tony.

Well, did you

speak to him on the phone
or in person?

Well... [sighs]

Tony, we're working on it.

Well, what'd he say?

Well, Tony...

we're working on it.

He hasn't spoken to you, has he?

You don't even know
where he is, do ya?

I know where he is.

He's in Florida.

His secretary told me.

He's stuffin' his face with crab.

They go down there every winter,

deep-sea fishing,
and all that crap.

You know, they're so rich,

they don't even hold
their own fishing poles.

The boat does the fishin'
for you.

You hear that, d*ck?

Your own father

can't be bothered
to come to the phone...

for his own son.

Tony, can I speak to d*ck?

[Tony] I'm gonna
walk out of here a free man.

Can I speak to d*ck,
please, Tony?

They aren't going to book me,

they aren't gonna mug me,

they aren't gonna print me,

they aren't gonna send me
to a f*cking psychiatrist,

'cause I don't need one,

I don't care who knows it
or what they say.

I'm a pretty smart man.

Don't get me wrong,

I feel
for Ibby and the kids, but...

This is my last chance.

That land
is all I have left, Fred.

I need you to get me my apology.

Don't underestimate my resolve.

You know, I...

I chose you for a reason.

You chose me?

You were
a part of my plan all along.

You... you chose me?

'Course I did.

You were there
on the darkest days of my life,

[sniffles]
and you didn't even know it.

I knew that,
for people to listen to me,

to really understand
my situation...

I needed you.

They played God and lost.

You don't have to be smart
to be God.

You just have to be cheap.

That's all I gotta say, Fred.

[Tony hangs up]

g*dd*mn it, Fred!
That would've been radio gold!

We could've gone live!

Instead, we get this.

[Franco] Uh, Bobby Knight

certainly took
that Michigan loss hard.

As we know,

the general takes
these defeats, uh, personally.

How many times

do I have to hear about
Bobby f*cking Knight?

What does he have for breakfast?

Does he give Quinn Buckner
a foot bath after practice?

Blah! Blah! We get it!

We all saw the f*cking game!

[Franco]
The Hoosiers will be

back at Assembly Hall
tomorrow night

to face off with Purdue.

Some Hoosier hysteria

the likes of which
only Carole Lombard has seen!

[jazz playing on radio]

This is Ed McMahon

inviting you to join me
Thursday, September 13th,

for a night on the town
in Hollywood.

Gary Todd is coming
to visit me in California,

and he'll bring two lucky
WIBC listeners along.

If you are the WIBC
Tonight Show Contest winner,

you'll jet to California
with Gary,

be my guest at The Tonight Show,

meet Johnny,

and join me for dinner
after the show.

Your father's not coming through.

It'll be a night of
McMahon, Martinis, and Madness,

so send your name, address,
and telephone number

to Ed McMahon...

I wonder why
he's not coming through.

[McMahon] ...Indianapolis,
and right now, here's Gary.

[Tony] I don't know
what's gonna become of you.

[radio jingle plays indistinctly]

[Tony] Poor Ibby.

Poor, poor Ibby.

[jazz music playing on the radio]

[jazz music playing,
people chattering]

d*ck Hall?

You must be Ibby Metsker.

[d*ck] Hi.

Hi.

Uh...

Thank you.

I just hate blind dates,
don't you?

[d*ck] Well, I did until today.

Greg, he never mentioned
you were such a knockout.

[lighter clicks]

So...

you're in construction?

My brother Jack
does construction.

My brother Bill
does the mortgage,

and I do the real estate
with my dad.

Real estate?

Huh.

[d*ck] So...
you lived in Japan?

Tokyo,
until I went to college at I.U.

Kappa Kappa Gamma.

Did you eat that raw fish?

Yes, I did.

And what did
your dad do in Japan?

Oh, he works
for the State Department.

Have you ever been abroad?

Does San Diego count?

[he chuckles]

Uh... well, let's order drinks.

I'll flag a waitress
and then put our order in.

Heard the steaks are really good.

[Ibby] Look.

Um...
you seem like a very nice guy.

Have you ever been
in a, in a Cessna?

Well, that's a line
if I've ever heard one.

[chuckles] I'm serious.

I'm about to get
my private pilot license,

and I would love
to take you up in one,

and I promise,
you'll never forget it.

I don't know.

I'm not much for jerky movements.

Close your eyes.

What?

Close your eyes.

Seriously,
I'll take you through it.

It'll... you'll love it.

Just... close them.

Okay.

All right, you ready?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so you're, um...

you're looking beautiful
in the passenger seat...

Thank you.

And I'm looking
very handsome in the pilot seat.

All you can see
is the back of my head.

Full head of hair.

Ha! And, uh,
I start the engine...

-[drumming table]
-and it's loud.

Um, we're about to take off,
and all of a sudden,

the ground goes away,
and all there is...

is sky.

You can almost...
feel the physics of the wind.

Physics of the wind?

-See...
-I like that.

See, flying...

is like riding the wind
like people ride ocean waves.

You can feel the Earth
and the sky.

It is so graceful,
moving through the air,

and your body knows
that it's defying physics,

but for a moment in time,

you are doing something
beyond language.

Something close to God himself.

It's...

magical.

When do you get your license?

I don't know.

It's a question
of when the instructor

thinks I'm ready for
my first solo flight one day.

On that day,

he'll simply get
out of the plane and say,

"Okay, she's all yours."

And then I'll...
take my first solo flight.

[clears throat]

So, after the flight,

you know, once it's successful,

uh, he will cut my shirttails,

which indicates

that I no longer need
to hold on to the instructor

for guidance anymore,

so I have been wearing
my favorite shirt

each flight now
for the past week,

just in case.

I hope I'm not too emotional
when it happens...

which should be any day now,

so I can...
take you up for real.

You're not at all
what Jackie said about you.

Uh-huh?

I take that's a good thing.

Very good.

I think I'd like that drink now.

Um, ma'am?

[handcuffs rattling]

[sighing]

[distant typing]

[door closing]

[dialing]

[call ringing]

[man] Hello?

Hey, Ed? It's Gene.

You been listening to the radio?

[Ed] Yeah.

Yeah.

Things are starting to unravel.

Uh, Heckman's a civilian.

We can't have
a civilian handling things.

That guy you mentioned,

the expert,

I think we're gonna need him.

Judy?

Hi. I've marked, uh...


in the Fort Lauderdale area.

Can you see
if you can find a reservation

for Mr. Hall
in one of them, please?

Not a problem.

Oh, and, uh, Ralph Bass
is on line one.

I'll take it in my office.

[Judy] Hold for Mr. Heckman.

Ralph? Fred Heckman.
Nice to hear from you.

Uh, listen.

I don't know if you have
been following WIBC,

but this story is blooming,

uh, and I've also been able

to track down a few leads
on this mortgage.

Yeah, it's big, all right.

[chuckling]

We've got a reporter,
a whole team, in fact,

from CBS heading there now.

What do you mean,
you're sending a reporter?

I thought I was the reporter.

I'm sorry, Fred,

and you know
I'm your biggest fan,

but this is how
things go sometimes.

I don't understand.

Look, I think
this story got away from you.

Turn on the news, Fred.
You'll see what I mean.

Respectfully, Ralph,

I don't have to turn on the news.

I write the news.

I'm the lead reporter
on this story.

Fred... you are the story.

Fred Heckman,
News Director for WIBC,

is the point of contact
for Mr. Anthony Kiritsis.

Sources close to WIBC tell us

that in a second,
unaired conversation,

Kiritsis did disclose

that he deliberately
chose Mr. Heckman

to be his spokesman,

and, in fact,

he was part of Kiritsis's plan
all along.

Sources say Mr. Heckman...

[turning off TV]

If any outside press calls here

looking for information

about my conversations
with Tony Kiritsis,

the answer is "no comment."

Is that understood?

-Fred?
-What, Judy? What?

We found M.L. Hall
at Neptune's Palace,

Fort Lauderdale.
He's on line three.

He's been notified
of the situation.

[Fred] Goddammit.

Mr. Hall?
Hi, this is Fred Heckman.

[M.L.] Hello, Mr. Heckman.

Listen, uh, we understand

that there is a draft
of an apology from Meridian

for your consideration, sir?

Hello?

[M.L.]
I've done nothing wrong.

I understand this is
a very difficult time

for you, sir, uh, but...

I just want to tell you,

your son is in what appears
to be a very dire situation,

sir, and if there's
anything that you can...

[M.L.] I'm not apologizing.

[he hangs up]

[dial tone buzzing]

-[gasps]
-[banging and shattering]

♪ I am the very model
of a modern Major-General ♪

♪ I've information vegetable
Animal, and mineral ♪

♪ I know the Kings
of England ♪

♪ And I quote
the fights historical ♪

♪ From Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical ♪

♪ I'm very well acquainted, too
with matters mathematical ♪

♪ I understand equations ♪

♪ Both the simple
and quadratical ♪

♪ About binomial theorem ♪

♪ I'm teeming
with a lot of news ♪

[radio tuning and crackling]

[upbeat jazz music]

[upbeat jazz music]