01x07 - Hurricane Willard

[bunniefuu]

viewer discretion is advised a whole new school year I've got a great new girlfriend so no more pining no more

obsessing over miracle

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[Applause]

sorry what a wonderful summer the cemetery took me off their watch list they found a pearl in my gallbladder and my hair

grew back well in a way things are going to be different this year I'm finally going to get some rest

excuse me I'm not done yet okay Susanna Louise said no it's a whole new year I'm not gonna let those fools get to me

especially the biggest fool of all still out hey Sue this year I'm Really Gonna impress Sue

wait Sue I have something for you

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thank you who are we keeping out you ah how'd you get in here this is not a

Bugs Bunny cartoon how many times do I have to tell you

this tune is not Looney

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to not be hearing any of those texts Avery sounds I rigged up a wireless PA mic so you can

make announcements from anywhere so what do you think huh impressed go away you creepy

[Laughter]

wow what Clarity and the auto sensor works like a charm p-e-c-t ah respect Willard is small and

weak well that's a fine how do you do it it says so right here tropical storm Willard OH it's just a

storm still it's pretty tough on a guy's ego oh look at this one Willard merely an unpleasant annoyance

wheeler throws wet black Ed over Florida Willard Noah's Muy Macho ink wasted unwillard headlights oh this is

interesting Willard May in fact be the all-time best turn to page

well guys come on let's give it a rest besides I am dating a weather girl and she says with any luck Willard will

collapse and sputter out by tomorrow

[Applause]

oh it sure is fun to laugh at heavy wind hey where'd my old friend Deutsch bug go

nothing but a pathetic drizzle just like me oh stupid storm don't wussy out just

because you're a Willard I would give anything for the name Willard to be respected and feared

oh hear my prayer Mighty God or Jesus or or whoever handles this Thor maybe I can

afford to be too picky

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they all laughed at me but now they'll be hell to pay

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stormy rains Lopez standing on the Seawall of Knob Haven Harbor where Storm surgeons are already reaching feet a number of bystanders have already been

swept away what are the Marlins number one well number really who cares I'm Browning Swept Away by Marlon's enthusiasm most

likely to his death and I'm being told that tropical storm Willard previously thought to be fading away at a frankly embarrassing rate has been upgraded to a

full-fledged hurricane oh yes this is what it feels like to be upgraded up yours hurts the governor has

ordered a complete evacuation of the tricator area from Gatorland to Gator world to Temple bethgator those two infirm or crotchety should seek shelter

at not Haven High where on a personal note my new boyfriend teaches hi Larry death toll has risen to . that's me

I'm the Larry isn't she perfect nice and she's got awesome breasts I'm going to say thanks even though that's a little inappropriate I don't know I recognize a

craftsmanship awesome Surgical Associates those are the new sweater Busters from the lady bazanga collection no doubt about it I guess

this means you've forgotten all about miracle miracle who Miracle right here the science teacher you've been after for about a billion years you know her

toys emergency which turned out to be a

family of adorable squirrels stuck in the end up Andrew Showboat was last year why is the

boat still here well the prop was so expensive we have to use it for all of this year's Productions so get ready for much do about boating Oklahoma and A

Streetcar Named boat okay people hurricane Willett is headed for knob Haven but there's no cause for alarm as an official

storm proof windows that suit slight clarification on that I thought you meant install Windows on the school's

computers why on Earth what I say protect the school from natural disasters with an out of date computer program I don't know you were drunk even

with regular Windows you can rest assured that you will be seen as long as long as

Jesus Christ Super Boat it's okay don't pan help me get Sue backstage Miracle keep everybody calm

stay calm everyone storms can smell your fear it's okay we can handle this now step

one we bury Sue Helen you're not making any sense first we need to go through our pockets she is not dead we know

people we have officially reverted to a state of nature that means the alpha male takes command now I've already taken the liberty of urinating around

the perimeter of the school s actually I should point out that I've been the school's designated civil defense administrator since which

gives me emergency powers in the event of natural disasters and nuclear w*r or attack of a -foot or larger woman so I

think I'm in charge I'm sorry is that a challenge

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I only observe the municipal code of the jungle laughs

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Willard's the alpha male now shabang how's it feel just being called a male is an honor okay so Willard's in charge

according to the municipal code the law of the Jungle I mean did the law of Common Sense go out the window with the history teacher good riddance to both I

say yes so what is our next move leader oh oh oh

wow I'm paralyzed either by indecision or a small stroke no I let's move these parts of the incinerator no we may have to eat them

later oh now I'm hungry Willard they're not dead shouldn't we at least be setting up the gym as a shelter oh the

Red Cross they have coffee and donuts right is this Heaven oh this is where we saw

Fiddler on the boat so yes okay now we've got a lot of tea games and a lot of senior citizens here so there's going

to be some drug confusion see crown with the glow sticks I can already see you've made a mistake Larry there

you are I need your help we need to rescue all the animals from the knob Haven Animal Park Miracle we need to worry about the people here in this gym

and don't bother making your eyes all big and trying to charm me into doing it but please pretty please we need to save

the cute little animals I've got a girlfriend now but they might dwell and their broader corpses will fill the sweets

well I guess if we built a little lab no hey sorry Miracle no you are on your

own good walk luck

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oh what am I doing okay will it don't panic and crumble apart like a delicious brownie sundae with Peak Hanson

chocolate sauce maybe some whip will you stop thinking about food this is no time for wasteful salivating Willard get a

grip allow me to serve you oh great one

So Soft stop that it pickles my shoes are very thin you defeated me you're in charge now it's like in that book When

Jesus beat up Moses and took over religion so what do I do anything you want is your chair now

this is your desk your crown

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your tub of frosting

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I never knew that being seduced by power could be so creamy does power come with a Sprinkle packet it does my leash

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all right what's going on here let's see the hurricane hit a boat knocked you out I

dragged you here I give you a sponge bath then I gave me a sponge bath then I gave the sponge a bath because it was

pretty Dirty by then and here we are Let Me freeze so I can k*ll you not before I impress you sue I've got just

the thing one of Stewart's famous foot rubs please don't touch my feet I wasn't planning on it

come on you know I always heard people say that with great power comes great responsibility I'm so relieved to learn

that's not true well if there's one thing I've learned as a teacher it's that most things aren't true

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give me back my blanket no you're just gonna use a chicken noodle like those two all right YouTube

hey what are you doing I thought you were gonna keep some order around here but it's teenagers and old people the two most whiny groups known to mankind

give me back my iPod if I retrieved to listen to the Jonas Brothers Sarah Leonard Seymour the biggest Schmucks ever to run to Delhi now the Naked

Brothers Deli that was nice sure there was a question of sanitary niche

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and we tried everything and what did you try another thing

your magnificent leader is amongst you if you're kneeling rice if you're risen

kneel he has words of comfort listen I have a cape

yes Willard lovely Cape but Innis made it out of curtains okay stop twirling the situation has gotten out of hand you

need to do something you're right uh why don't you all form a committee and have your recommendations on my desk by the end of the week we're in the middle of a hurricane we

don't have a week you will make a week for the leader have your recommendations by Willard's day formerly Wednesday Willard you need to take charge get

these people working together on something constructive like boarding up the windows I mean if the water level rises the whole school could end up

flooding Larry's right a project is just what we need a project to glorify our leader that's an interesting proposal

but it does raise a question doesn't it have you two lost your fines he's a threat

Ennis I can hear you oh yeah uh-huh what do you mean aha that doesn't

prove anything no I named my cat aha after the band now give the leader some respect respect isn't something that is given it is something that has to be

earned as a teacher I know that's not true Willard I know you've gone mad with power in the last three hours but deep down I know you still want to do the right thing you're right I'm gonna do

what I should have done in the first place can't banish me I'm in the union

actually I'm your union rep too um file a grievance and have it on my desk by next Willard's day

here grab the thing that looks like a mint candy how did you get this boat and you

couldn't help me I had to help myself by getting Andrew to help me he's bisexual so I only had to seduce the top half of him so will you help me Rescue the

Animals now well you just saved my life so I'd be a pretty big jerk if I did don't think I'm doing this because I'm tempted by you because I've got a

girlfriend I wouldn't dream of tempting you Larry now let's get going because it's raining so hard my white shirt is getting wet and I think my bra just dissolved

all right

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we did it Larry this is just like the Bible we're in the middle of a raging Storm with two of every animal on a half

scale Mississippi river boat yeah we're all set in case we have to mate and repopulate the earth I mean mate with the animals I mean we would not mate

with the animals we would mate with each other which we're not going to do because we're just friends like that one giraffe over there giving another giraffe a piggyback Rock oh no they are

more than friends let's get back to the school me you and the animals and March

a phone call for you my lord just a minute I'm almost done with my enemies list do you think Larry should go above or below the time to make the donuts guy

huh put in between bladder disease and the candy machine that took your dollar hello

the Swedish pop group

s were the way things work things work

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the way things work no I won't go back to normal everything's under control here we don't

need your help good day I don't care if everyone dies I will never relinquish power

you've got to be for the Herbie Hancock great leader gaze upon this Monument to

your glory as we had no bronze we worked in glorious paper mache how I hate the time to make the donuts

guy oh great glorious leader it's you and this is amazing it truly is great to

be the leader oh here comes the Waterway

it's all my fault isn't it Roar marry me sewer I will destroy the

Magic Forest somebody save me from this big dummy oh who will save their princess Sue it'll have to be someone

very impressive I will save you princess Sue so are you impressed hell no

I guess we'll be here a lot longer than I thought I'm a terrible leader because of my

dithering and foofing we're all gonna die and the worst part is I caused this Hurricane by wishing for it

you're more powerful than I even imagined attaching one's karmic ego to a hurricane is not a cure a cure low selfish

okay look look relax let me put on the TV and we can watch a little Anderson Cooper and chill hurricane Willard has done its

worst but thanks to the intricate series of levees designed to funnel all the water into the inferior town of navhaven the surrounding Superior towns of

Chablis Heights and capital Gainesville are safe this is one time I'm glad this town is dry the levees are holding the water in they

don't care if we drown they think we're pathetic losers in not Haven but why because knob Haven is the Willard of

Florida and I will not stand for this and yet you are standing is this a parable no I am tired of being a coward

I know my destiny now I Willard must save the Willard of Florida from the ravages of hurricane Willard by acting in a way that is very much unlike

Willard the only way to save knob Haven is for me to destroy the levees but you can't leave me alone

who will take care take care I'm the other male now I'm gonna go to the gym and troll for

grannies no it's okay now friends you're gonna be

safe here now go into the gym

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hey stormy you're gonna be proud of me I just saved dozens of defenseless animals here's some more good news the death toll is up to . I'm sorry that sounded

like you said it was good news well it is for my career news just called I could go National yeah I see your point but what about all the dead people

well I am thinking about it I'm so proud of the save the animals from certain death and I set a good example for Merch isn't

that right my little monkey s but where's

to the levees Hold On free basket I could fit a week's worth of baloney in here or use it as a

hat or a seven day baloney hat wait what's that what's that oh Miracles baby

come on come here come come Miracles baby foreign

I can't do everything for you my child you have to release

up and save yourself that's right feminine bisexuals first I'll be right

here for you you won't drown shiva's right we can do this think you could use those unusually dexterous feet of yours

and untie me mm-hmm um

wow I'm impressed now swim after Freedom now the Washington text favorite stuff

it's okay when you reach out I'll be here to hold you

lucky because because Miracles are real

merch is gonna be okay I know it I'm definitely breaking up with my girlfriend

here it is got to do it baby it's now or never got to go all the way you heard

the Lord he wants us to get it on

it didn't work I don't know why they would design the

hair as a separate piece what it worked I did it I saved not

Haven I finally have respect

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amen I have to start going to church more often