01x09 - Tackin

[bunniefuu]

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here discretion is advised

okay good hustle that was a nice brisk walk from the gym and only four charlie horses on the way now let's tackle that

obstacle course okay g*ng or an app we could tackle an app Larry this Courier was looking for oh is it

nap time already hey I got a delivery for coach Larry from the Deep South Council on physical fitness

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Stuart what is the best news you can imagine a hung jury what no the council will be coming here next week to administer the annual physical fitness

test now listen if these kids do even halfway decent we will get an honorable mention and that is huge Steward not Havens never even gotten a mention

before we were alluded to Once in that lawsuit about poison groundwater

hell yeah you heard about the Deep South Council hell yeah I did not Sue we have a very real shot at winning

honorable mention from the Deep South Council on physical fitness but we will need to make some changes fast you just named my least favorite thing to do and

my least favorite speed in which to do it but Sue our students are woefully out of shape we need to get them off junk food away from the TV and move them

outside Claire can you move away from the TV maybe go outside and while you're up not crunch man I'm sorry I'm all out but I do have an Andrew friendly

assortment of peanut logs sticky buns Blow Pops licking sticks and fishdom licks do you have any Everlasting butt stuffers that's not a real cat oh here

you go so you're part of the prop actually you are the problem Larry junk food sales are my main profit Center outside of lottery tickets and cough

syrup oh and a syrup now if you'll excuse me I have business the deaf kids are all like for Mike and Ikes hang on two hey what

about getting that new gym equipment so I can put my students through a serious workout I need that money to widen our doorways God forbid there's ever a fire drill I mean between the deaf kids and

the tubbies no one's getting out alive well Sue may not care about the kid's health but I do I'm going to get rid of

all the junk food

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foreign

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oh sorry I forgot about your three o'clock foraging when you're done I need to throw out all this junk food I confiscated throw out you why would you

what kind of man Larry would you mind if I took this home well the landfill your apartment kind of the same thing but you'll go easy on it right this is very

unhealthy stuff I am a model of self-restraint s

oh OMG Willard or did John Goodman eat Kirstie Alley between two slices of Kearney Wilson

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thanks well I may have overindulged last night is it noticeable uh yeah from space hey everyone there's a ninth

planet again oh no no that's very troll but I've actually been beating myself up over this hi can you reach yourself to get a punch in it's not too much to ask could you go easy on the witty systems

everyone's looking oh These people aren't staring they just can't escape your gravitational pull oh Macy's called the Donald Duck balloon needs his pants

back somebody for the love of God manager of the all you can eat buffet said the last time you got package oh

Hollywood is making a movie about the Michelin Man and they want to show it on you yes I deserve that but Willard are you hungry anyone salty run

for your life Andrew that's enough oh my God he's having a heart attack Tell Mother yes she got her wish

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of course free Willard you know you Nick the whale nothing too soon how about now

too late tough crowd we've prepared a memorial slideshow to

commemorate Willard's life happy how do I

say goodbye to what we only did have the one picture yeah

and this now has a few words he'd like to say thank you Larry Willard Leonard deutschbach limped into

our lives and just as quickly collapsed out of them did he have Charisma hell no and what he must have seen during his

to years on this planet for behind the Milky film of a thousand cataracts played the course of history the invention of the dark women getting

the vote for some reason when Eve bit the Apple in Bible Place Willard was there to ask are you going to finish

that we learned Herbert deutschbach scavenger parasite friend alike

I can't believe I k*lled Willard with my words he said in a non-legally binding way oh God if you bring Willard back

I'll never be mean again hello oh and a tail Vespa no just Willard okay Willard

you're not dead Miracle you said you called the hospital to confirm yes I confirmed there is a hospital Willis I can't tell you how relieved I am to see

you because now I'm back in the running for the will it death pool I have you down for skin failure Stuart's a long shot because he has you falling off a horse or a toilet either way smart

money's on trots happy if Willard's alive what were those ashes stewards give me buddy I burn okay everyone please sit down if you

can't fit in a chair you can sit in the aisle the fitness test is at the end of the week so there is still time to turn things around if you are properly

motivated so I brought in Mr deutschbach to scare you straight not you Ronald fully support who you are PAL okay Willard please tell them what it's

like to have a heart attack so there I was terrified short of breath nauseous completely drained of color sweat

pouring from my body no problem right and then the trouble started my arm suddenly went numb then this Cocoon of

joy and felt I felt my Essence rise from my body like Steam from the dumpster

outside the Thai restaurant then I was flying through a tunnel

toward a bright light I felt feelings I had never felt before pleasure Joy continence Don't Be Afraid Willard there

is no way he's here well a little ladies whoa sounds trippy were you scared oh no

I had a feeling of perfect mindless calm like Keanu Reeves sitting in a bath of warm chicken broth and the things I saw

ah coupons

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and then I landed in what I can only call the land of your lights suddenly I was in heaven surrounded by

the cruelest people who ever existed hello Villa who are you oh you've known me your whole life I'm

Oscar Mayer I love your work and these men founded your favorite fast food chains it's an honor to have k*lled you

it was the greatest trip of my life really really wonderful that's all also mind-blowing

thank you Willard that all sounds pretty scary to me but here's a trip that might sound pretty cool to you kids huh a trip

around the track come on Joyce I'm proud to say in front of these

students that I've tried every possible way of getting high I've done estrogen oregano and monkey cocaine also known as

bananas oh oh and I also did crack one time for like four years but none of them have ever done the trick so as far as getting high could you rate your

experience on a sex scale zero being no sex and one being sex one yes that is sex well I think I speak

for everyone here when I say that I want to be just like you and emulate your lifestyle let's all be like wheeler let's all give ourselves heart attacks

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at least they're being active they call it taken it's the most addictive and dangerous teenage fad

since uttering the phrase that's hot k*lled young people in alarmed you will be

at knob Haven High School teenage children are trying to induce heart attacks to obtain one brief moment of sweet sweet Euphoria trans fats stress

enhancers extreme couch potatoing nothing's out of bounds for these Thrill Seekers parents don't miss the signs that your child is trying to heart

attack fat lazy fat and lazy or flazy you know this reporter can't help but wonder whatever happened to the innocent

days of sock hops and blue sniffing parties how many times do I have to say it I don't want to see this school on the news unless it's principal wins dance

contest to be fair sue you don't enter that many dance contests I'm between age groups this is your fault Larry what how is this my fault it's the Larry chain of

causality you cause bad things whoa and whoa sue you started all this by selling junk food to kids if I'm in all this

money on alleged candy sales where is this four thousand dollars where'd all that money go Larry um you're wearing solid gold shoes I

don't need to listen to this hogwash Larry don't take it too hard when an

inspirational guy like Willard comes along with his hip attitude and in your face style there's nothing you can do he sort of reminds me of another guy who

came back from the dead and started a movement Dracula if these kids are doing this because Willard is cool then I just have to out cool Willard how hard could that be it's a good old-fashioned cool

off ah try to be nice gotta be nice I promise

God oh God hey wait do these pants make my a*s look like an a*s um well I gotta call my sponsor

I'm tempted Brad talk me down it's Helen she asked me how she looked again awful like if Bob Mackie dressed Jeff Goldblum

in the fly like they started to cremate here but the power went out fine I can't say fine okay yes but if I vomit it's on

your conscience hello Helen you look fine really

God just too damn healthy to have a heart attack in the sweet natural high that comes with it I'll probably die of emphysema first like some loser though I

could finally have one of those low sexy voices like Miley Cyrus nah I want a heart attack why don't you try fighting in World w*r II and

interacting with my grandmother it really helped my grandfather or you could go down to the ice cream shop and try to pick just one flavor are you

stumped shut up you're stressing me out and I'm trying to get stressed out hey wait a minute you're hired to do what my only

skills are teaching math and annoying people until they have heart attacks yes that all right well if you want to solve

for x in the equation x times equals oh you idiot the second one God you're such a oh keep it up hey Mr D check this

out found my mom's stash yeah bacon drippings are a good Gateway fat but when you're ready to hang with the big dogs you go to any fast food

joint you ask them where they keep their used french fried grease you just tell them you drive Willie Nelson's bus they'll give you a big drum of the good stuff no if you'll excuse me I've been

sitting for a while I've got to lie down they think Willard and his heart attacks are cool where do they get a load of the

new kid Barry Bittle junk

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hey guys I'm the new kid Barry let me turn off my wrap real quick you guys tacking yeah that's not cool where I'm

from Hollywood what that's right listen you know what's cool right now I Heard it Through the Grapevine it's raisins

baby oh yeah Sweden by the sun baby my mom straight up loses it when I get four to five servings of fresh fruit per day she's

all play your Atari and I'm like whatever I'm trying to get ready for Friday's physical fitness test and speaking of the importance of Fitness

that coach little junk is really g*y whoa I heard he's got a shot with Miss grow I photoshopped her head on a naked

lady's body I see it come on man she's one of our teachers and you need to respect can I keep this I really want it seriously okay if I keep it thanks to

sum up because Recaps is so cool whole grains lots of eczema scissor-sized coaches not g*y fresh fruit and I will

see you at the fitness test out before I start stressing you out could I

have my check this is the first time I've paid fifty dollars to get some angina now I've hooked myself up to a heart monitor so we can see how much

delicious stress you're giving me and make my heart explode go yeah let's

see what's stressful the little men who live in our organs what if they go to w*r right you're forgetting I'm not insane

though all right okay then boo no okay okay look I'm mixing milk and meat

on the same plate oh wait that only works at Chabad house how can you not be able to stress me out what is wrong with you how hard is it to

stress me out when you're so naturally annoying wait it's working keep it up okay what

do I find stressful uh sound of waves on a beach watch out it's rhythmic Sunday morning brunch is looming you

what if there's eggs good I want to strangle you don't stop what happened I'm getting calm

you're giving me a foot rub that's relaxing you dumb sorry I panicked what if I play wind chimes

no what are they even doing in the nurse's office herbal tea listen to my heart so relaxed

barely alive you soothing

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okay

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honorable mention here we come whoa you have gone from truck stop fat to State Fair fat oh look Ben and Jerry found a

way to have a kid no must hold the side inside ah it burns didn't that cool new kid with the

expensive Walkman teach you that healthy living is rad who Barry oh I heard that kid is totally getting his a*s kicked at three o'clock really what why three

o'clock are you sure look the Deep South council is almost here and you're so out of shape you'll probably get heart attacks just from doing the course

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wait stop your hearts are gonna explode because Larry is it true that you are responsible for the attack and praise

and the rise of diabetic culture oh no they're here oh my car

an infraction yeah myocardial infarction gottiness clogging

arteries why won't you stop beating you blood pumping b*stard

I've got a oh God the stress of not giving me a heart attack gave stirred a heart attack boom my fake heart attack gave Ennis a

heart attack easy as clams I ever oh God he left the memo field blank How will I know what this is for

this could be my chance for a spin-off I'll just take the afternoon off

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oh it's so beautiful from up here although we are over watering the end zone and when did I learn to fly oh the

heart attack

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all right

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are you Socrates no I'm Aristotle of course I'm Socrates does it look like I have an eight inch beard no I'm rocking

the seven inch I'm a teacher too I can learn so much from you you're the greatest teacher of all time well only according to history and Mr Aaron's

spelling here we're filming a little remake starring myself Sal Mino and River Phoenix is for NBC they're

here too so tell me Socrates where did I go wrong so how's this gonna work do you have uh protection

that's your cybers wow

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thanks Beethoven but no need to applaud I told you I don't have any Mike and Ikes

I guess my insults weren't that bad if I ended up in heaven All Is Forgiven my son wow look at you

on the seventh day God rested where at a donut shop okay let there be light more like Let

There be heavy are you there God it's me pizza yeah I get it God needs to lose a few I joined a gym just haven't had time

to go let me ask you a question when there was only one set of footprints in the sand I guess it must have been at all you can eat today the fried clam huh dude that was me carrying you well

certainly wasn't me carrying you hey what's with the lever God does not like Minis

guess what new world you know who the real greatest teacher of all time is it's not me it's Rick my

old PE teacher you know why he was so great because he didn't give it and by not giving a rick forced me to give it

oh so by backing off my students they'll learn to make good decisions on their own or they'll die either way not your

problem Hemlock man it's not bad it's like day old RC boy I wish I had a second chance to put this wisdom to use oh you're not dead see over there past

that bank that clearly used to be a fast food joint that's death you're near death oh

don't you die on me dummy I do not need the paperwork I thought I had been sent to hell oh

touche fat God I can't believe it I had a heart attack wait coach Larry had a heart attack it was amazing I met

Socrates learned so much learning dude taken's gotten lame can't believe I traded my iPod for this bacon you're

right student number two tacking is over let's go back to glue sniffing parties that'd be retro wait hold up what happened with the fitness test where is

the Deep South Council are they hiding behind these fat guys oh we are the Deep South Council on physical

fitness my name is Harvey I'm the Man tomorrow left gum on a chicken one while

that's frowned but you guys are morbidly obese not my Mississippi standards so as

the test over can I go back to the cafeteria now you know what Toby I'm not gonna stress about it you do whatever you want well I want to make you proud

seeing us how y'all get nun push-ups last year and this here boy just did one

oh that's a doubling you win knob Haven gets a covenant honorable mention certificate that Fred is currently using

as a flappy devil congratulations you're going to want to let this dry I won by not caring I actually won oh

Lookout World Nothing's Gonna Stop Larry now three o'clock people time for the berry beatdown

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