01x10 - Helen and Sue's High School Reunion

[bunniefuu]

we are so delighted that you have chosen Marine Zone as he site for no payments th High School reunion on we're over here Frenchy and don't be so delighted

the only reason why we're having it here is that this was the favorite hangout for our class years ago yeah we all love marine life huh and that you sold

booze to year olds we is very irresponsible like a polar bear petting zoo

hey I'm just glad we were able to put years of disagreements behind us and organize a reunion together years but who's counting and I'm gonna kick it off

in style with my opening speech oh don't you mean my opening speech man why would you give a speech called Sue says no it's fine memories of Sue zesno's High

School experience but Sue says no I have to admit it's catchy but I called dibs on the speech dibs Helen we are not teenagers anymore and if you remember

when we were teenagers I called dibs Infinity but I bought you a Coke wait that's Jesus screw this you're going down

just like a librarian to bring an eel to a swordfish fight

[Music]

hit me one more time with that L and see what I do okay how about two times nobody wants to hear you speak it reminds them too much of your existence

nobody can get you to stop speaking they should call you Sue says more oh that's clever wasn't it they have been added for three days do

you think we should intervene no way if I learned anything from spring break it's never get in the middle of a girl on girl fish fight enough of this I can't work with you any

where same here someone else can organize this reunion any volunteers

[Music]

I don't know it's as good a time as any Agnes I want a divorce fine should we tell Larry and ruin his magical vacation

and we'll tell him tonight at Shakey's Mom Dad I just saw a mermaid at least

you'll have one non-scaring memory of this trip

[Music]

hey why am I wet what happened why am I wearing this Pirate's hat let's do it read back the minutes from what Larry

missed sue someone else can organize this reunion any volunteers Larry Dives under the table there's a great deal of

blood Sue so unless someone wants to take over the planning the reunion is canceled Ennis let's get Larry to do it he's unconscious Willard wait he's

coming too Ennis knock him out again Stewart hits a groggy Larry with a stenotype more blood me damn it I think

I broke my benno pipe when I bite B it now arrives B Ennis Oh Ship you k*lled him me hey capital T still works I'll use that

Andrew oh good Larry still has a pulse Sue Andrew that's not where you check for the pulse everyone laughter Andrew

Well he seems to be enjoying it throaty adult laughter Sue let's break for lunch okay interior Bennigans the teachers are

there including Larry who's wearing a ridiculous child's cap manager are you sure he's under . I I don't need to hear the lunch transcript I did not

agree to run the reunion fine alcohol Marine Zone and cancel wait Marine Zone well this could be my chance to make

things right for my childhood and if I'm lucky maybe even a little magical I'll do it perfect oh here's your wallet

we owe you dollars for Bennigan's and ice skating

[Music]

this reunion is shaping up to be pretty exciting turns out some big celebs went to Knob Haven years ago Florida State Highway commissioner Tommy Spong and

baseball Legend Jose Canseco Tommy spung wow do you think he's still on the juice he repaved I- when he was . what do

you think I'm sorry did you say Jose Canseco is coming here um he's only like my mortal enemy yeah we're kind of in the middle of something so don't feel

obligated to elaborate going on anyway Jose Canseco ruin what might have been the greatest day in my childhood the day I almost threw a perfect game but then

in the ninth inning the opposing team pulled a dirty trick nobody for the flashback Jose Canseco

um excuse me umpire this league is and under he seems a bit bigger nah he's legit and he's brought his friends Andrew Jackson and Ben Franklin to vouch

for him also whoever's on the ten dollar bill oh and he's going to be batting over and over so just keep it coming

[Applause]

[Music]

I haven't seen this many hits given up since the Beatles sold their catalog to Michael Jackson

Jose Canseco humiliated me and now it's my turn to humiliate him

running away laughing oh there's not even gonna be a reunion at this rate look at these emails no one wants to

come unless some group called The knob girls performs you know who they are twozies or one two then no

I might know something about the knob curls but it'll cost you the knob girls why I haven't thought of

them for years which is strange because I see two of them every day you do well sure Sue and Helen

during lunch everyone would flock to the cafeteria to see them perform back then Helen was the Hefty one and Sue had a

positive attitude hey book back what up you ready to rap about lunch only since my sensible breakfast busted

hot dog bring it down now girls

oh here you are so if there was a knob girl's performance it might bring Sue and Helen Back Together as friends and also save the reunion oh it's not going

to be that easy why do you say that I can't remember maybe your friends Mr Oscar and Mr Meyer could refresh my memory

the knob girls were about to get their first Big Break battle of the bands at Marine Zone back then I wasn't fly

ridden just fly and as the school's most popular teacher I was the emcee let's give a big late s welcome to the knob

girls word to your mothers and that word would be lesson flipping let's get funky but then their DJ told

me of a problem younger Mr deutschbach uh young TSU and young Helen just totally walked off but you're The Peacemaker you couldn't make peace no when I told him we only had time for

like one song they were each like but I want to sing Lady no I want to sing lead and I was all like whoa don't fight and they were all like I'll pull your hair then you're gonna have to sing

something is that what you want me to do Mr deutschbach because I'll do anything for you

I want you to know wait Alanis Morissette was the DJ of the knob girls

yes I think that was her name if you can get her I'm sure they'll work out their differences she was kind of The Peacemaker of the group also she had the

best body Willard Alanis Morissette is a major recording artist really like Ish Kabibble from Kay Kaiser's College of musical knowledge where Alan Smith hers

the singing Postman she'll never come here I don't know she did always find me somewhat handsome is that a wink no my eyelid died

actually that was years ago but the glue just gave look just ask her maybe she'd be happy to sing happy to sing at the

reunion oh happy to sing what honor I will pay tribute to country that let me live Great American Dream by

singing greatest song in American history nah sit down those fire too complicated to translate I'll just sing national anthem I am going to destroy

Jose Canseco and this will make me sincerely happy someone who wants to take out Jose

Canseco no he's somewhat important to me in a vaguely flashbacking way you see I was on a road trip to Florida with my

father the colonel and his Marine partner Colonel valanche let me put it this way there was an awful lot of Macho in that car and the card attached would

say thank you for being a friend thank you for being a friend

I think you're gonna enjoy Marine Zone a lot yes sir father sir but we weren't going to the fun Marine Zone famous for

its liberal drinking policies and delicious popcorn kernels no we were going to the Marine base famous for pops Courtney Colonel you look as nervous as

Elaine stretches stylist on opening night Soldier the Cold w*r may be ending but we have new enemies and we can't count on our Ally the friendly Rebel leader Osama Bin Laden to help us take

him down just give me a g*n sir and I'll have at them that's my boy and just make sure you sh**t them before they sh**t

you we still have g*ns too oh

[Applause]

I haven't seen this many hits given up since the Beatles sold their catalog to Michael Jackson when I was at my lowest he reminded me

it was okay to laugh at people weaker than me but who would want to k*ll Jose Canseco besides of course Mark McGuire Sammy Sosa Raphael palmeiro Barry Bond

wait a minute let me see that I'm going to destroy Jose Canseco and this will make me sincerely happy The Arrogant son

of a even signed his own name but it's not punctuated the way you read it because he doesn't know English as good as I does yeah I know this is a long

shot but I'd like the phone number for Alanis Morissette why uh well I didn't know directory assistance cared about

intent it's kind of a long story you've got time okay well I am planning a reunion and I guess if I could pull this

off it would just make me feel so much better about my parents divorce why thank you I will hold and not I really months is some patience

a way to calm the angry voice ah come on I thought we went over the whole be cool turn off your cell phone thing oh

it's fine sorry five five five that's a knob Haven area code hello a reunion cover for me I'll be

back in a week uh ladies and gentlemen Mr Ish Kabibble

[Music]

come on hurry up with the translation I don't feel comfortable in this den of Terror he even has a picture of a t*rror1st on the wall look at that beard

that's Abraham Lincoln ah yes the shoe b*mber you were right this document of Happy's is incriminating oh say can you

see that sounds vaguely similar to Jose Canseco by the Don's early light I think that's a squiggly language expression

for night time what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming that means nothing and the rockets red glare

the bombs bursting in air Rockets bombs Holy Ship this is worse than I thought we've gotta move you go right ahead

there's a recipe here I want to translate one box Rice Krispies one bag marshmallows wow this is a t*rror1st

attack on my waistline

[Music]

what Freddy Boom Boom Washington's giving foot rubs in the auditorium I'll be right there Hey where's my boom boom Hey where's my giant mechanical Santa

Claus with the light up nose look at you two the knob girls you were

meant to be on stage together you have to sing at the reunion and that's that nice try Larry but we hate each other yeah we're like ishke Bibble and the

singing post man it's too bad you don't have a peacemaker to bring you together how about you put your hands together for Miss Alanis Morissette hey girls

attracted

[Music]

how did you get Alanis Morissette to come here and how is Sue able to do that in pubs oh those are Easy Spirits as for Atlantis I told her how much the school

needed her and I can be a pretty persuasive guy yes Street Orange oh like I always say

follow the ants

don't feel bad a lot of people scream in Fame when they see Willard he's not actually a ghost no you don't understand I've been in love with Mr deutschbach

for years we're okay continuing he's my knight in shining armor I've tried to contact him to tell him how I feel but all my emails

bounce back oh he doesn't have a computer I've tried to call he doesn't have a phone I've sent letters the last I checked he was living inside a large

Bell mail service there is spotty Larry I'm doing you a favor by performing at the reunion okay so you're gonna have to do a favor for me just a small thing get

Willard to marry me he's old and disgusting you're beautiful and Rich I'll see what I can do

I'm here to report a t*rror1st threat I believe that there is a plot to take somebody out at your th High School reunion not Florida State Highway

commissioner Tommy Spong no even though that guy was born with a bullseye on his back I'm talking about Jose Canseco so what do you want me to do break out the

confiscated weapons box I need a g*n to take care of Canseco hey that's why I'm here too happy is the

Assassin yes the Assassin will be happy we are so on the same page so I guess we're both asking no you can't have a

g*n how about no knives fair enough what about it and no botulism sports but where are we gonna get a weapon the children are our best source I'll grow

up now get out of here I have to get dressed for my reunion in Marine Zone Marine Zone

I'm sorry miracle I can't marry Alanis I promised my mother I would die alone but you're her knight in shining armor

princess you have to rescue from her life of luxury the metaphor but why me all I've got to my name is my

name and I'm still paying that off why not I've always wanted to be a Matchmaker it started when I was a kid I was at Marine Zone to look at the fish

and enjoy the liberal drinking policy when I saw two people who needed me I hate you we finally agree on something

actually no I love you stop fighting you two are so obviously in love and if my

words can't convince you maybe this song will wherever we go whatever we do we're

gonna go through it

[Music]

kind of sliced open the fish to rescue me the couple was gone but I'm sure they lived happily ever after I'm sorry I still can't marry Alanis well I tried

besides you would never be happy with her wealth her Fame her acre baloney Farm her beauty wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what was

that after Fame and before Beauty oh the baloney Farm no no it's not for you it's for someone who really loves baloney

it's a heat ray it was developed to create a sunset effect for a musical adaptation we did of A Few Good Men but we discovered when

it hits people or prisoners it hurts quite a bit I bet not as much as sitting through that production sister you talk like a soldier you know what take the

laser just make sure that you I've got a ray g*n I'm from the future

please take what your hand out of my a*s ah tonight's gonna be great your whole class is coming to see you perform and

to bring people together at the place where my parents broke up it really heals a lot get to the point Larry

wounds I had one word left Alanis there's someone here to see you

honest I am here wilts thou marry me

[Music]

times yes

[Music]

yes I can't wait let's get married now at the Marine Zone Chapel well you mean after our show of course well I have waited years what's another few

agonizing hours you know Sue Helen one of you has to be my maid of honor and I just can't pick so you do it

well it's clear I should be made of Honor what the only thing you're made of is fudge you can kiss the knob Girls reunion goodbye because if I can't

reason with you I can't rap with you and everybody knows that the best rap is based on two people having a calm thoughtful intelligent dialogue and if

oh you gospel too bad rap I was never perform with you again oh my God the Florida State Highway

commissioner Tommy spung

I can't believe I'm marrying into a baloney Fortune yes there is a lot of Bologna involved here tell me again

about the mayonnaise River I don't think I ever mentioned the mayonnaise River tell me anyway

Alanis this is a disaster if the knob girls don't perform there's gonna be a riot a marine zones liberal alcohol policy has gotten this crowd drunk and

disorderly already you need to play Peacemaker one last time

[Music]

sure Larry whatever I just gotta take out the trash first they have people here they're dressed like penguins I'm a puppet

yes well still working on that but first please extend a non-xenophobic welcome to nobhaven's own custodian muhanad Sabi

happy new abar oh

see can you see I've got a clear shot at the b*stard let's fire up that Ray g*n nothing says Lovin like something from

the oven trademark oh I was gonna say the heat is on oh I like yours better can you say that I said that okay Canseco I've got some juice for you

Canseco what are you doing we're trying to take out happy you wanted to ask me something uh yeah I

wanted to ask you something hippie what the hell do you think you're doing trying to steal Willard take three and a half semesters of German at the University of Phoenix to

lose my man to some teacher shining time

[Music]

I had to break up the knob girls years ago to get wheeler to notice me that's why I made up that thing about only having time for one song now

nothing stands between me and my man except you wow you're such a Alanis Morissette I expect this from

Avril Levine ha victory is mine busted we heard your whole confession

drowning a science teacher has been ill*gal in this state for two years now you promotable you're going down celebrity you can't touch this oh now

she thinks she's MC Hammer get her well that was a mistake just like those boots

thank you go to Miss America yes well that concludes our entertainment portion I'm afraid that the knob girls won't be

able to perform as promised just the messenger on this one k*ll the message

[Music]

the whole point of saying I am just the messenger

[Applause]

back you are you don't hate each other oh we do but we hate Alanis mower said more she went a little voluntary manslaughter on your girl crush you

might want to check on that okay not Haven we just got a new DJ drop the needle spawn gorilla

ready to kick it one time put back dang Bean pull I kick it two times except now I'm being pulled and you're fat a*s I'm

pork fat pork a*s let's hit him with a classic

[Music]

[Applause]

institutional grade pizza so good I wants to eat you farewell sweet baloney fall

I'll get down on my knees four tomato flavored sauce and cheese then I want this I don't think I open my mouth and

chop it now oh my God the mermaid hi you you're

in love with me aren't just like years ago is that what you're trying to say I'm trying to say get me out of this

fish Miracle get me out of this Larry I'm doing my best but it's got weird teeth french guy running up Sacre

blue my past grouper closing credits finished Fade to Black