03x04 - The Last Spell

[bunniefuu]

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[Justin] You don't
want to do this.

Because these hands...

[grunting]

...they don't miss.

Like, literally,
they don't miss. They're huge.

[breathing shakily]

[exclaims]

I'm warning you. Okay, bud?

I'm not afraid of any--

[♪ eerie music playing]

...monster!

Wait a minute.

It's not a monster.
It's a dummy.

[Alex] Guess that
makes you the dummy.

Alex! Oh, thank goodness
you're okay.

Bro, why are
your hands so big?

Can you just turn them
back to normal?

But then I won't be able
to make fun of you.

[chuckles]
Who am I kidding? It's me.

I'll think of something.

-[blows raspberry]
-Ah!

[chants] "Even though
they're small and tacky,

give him back
his hands and khakis."

What--

Oh...

I don't want to be that guy.
But they're not khakis.

They're chinos.

Worked, didn't it?

So...

How did I get here?
Where is here? How do we get out of here?

I don't know. I don't know.

And I was hoping
you would know.

[♪ opening theme
music playing]

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have
what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes because... ♪

♪ Everything is
not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

[♪ eerie music playing]

Silas? Where's Justin?

Why did you
make him disappear?

I didn't do that.
You can't use magic in here.

And what-what is this?
Your first time in Wizcatraz?

Yes.

Oh, well...

Good on you.

So how do we get out of here?

You got me thrown in here in
the first place. I'm not gonna help you.

I think you are.

[gasps in awe]

Damien Penwulf!
I can't believe it.

You, like,
inspired me to be evil.

[chuckles] Whoa!

You were really that bad?

Well, this was
a long time ago, okay? I've changed.

I-I... No, you're a legend.

You sent fire locusts
to the Tribunal.

You stole Merlin's wand
from the Wizonian,

and you streaked naked down--

Oh, can we please not do this
in front of the kid?

Don't need to hear the streaking story,

but I am very interested
in everything else.

You let me out of this cell, and I promise
I will help you escape Wizcatraz.

[gate lock clicks]

[sighs]

Come on, Silas.

[Silas sighs in relief]

Yes!

All right. Let's do this.

Let's make some memories.

I've never had a fan before,
I don't think I like it.

Unfortunately,
he's our only way out of here.

[♪ eerie music playing]

I still can't believe Damien
locked himself in Wizcatraz

to hide from his dad.

I always assumed
he'd wind up there for something fun.

Like that time
we streaked naked, and--

Yeah, I'm good
not hearing that.

There, that should get us
through the night.

Do we really need
a fire, though?

I mean, it's not that cold.

It's not to stay warm.

It's to keep
the monsters away.

[eerie howling in distance]

Yeah, but I thought
that was what that creepy dummy was for.

Do not talk
about Tina like that.

She's my only friend here.

Yeah, we need to get you home.

[♪ tranquil music playing]

[Justin sighs]

How's Billie?

I'm sure she's scared.

No, she's okay.

She's tough.

Like you.

Yeah, well,
she's had to be, right?

Mm, what do you mean by that?

I left her at WizTech.

And when we were finally
reunited again, what do I do?

I leave her again.

[♪ somber music playing]

You did that to protect her.

And you did that
to save the world.

Nice showing off, by the way.

I know, it was pretty cool,
wasn't it?

But I...

I still left her.

What kind of mother does that?

Alex, that's what
being a parent is.

Loving someone so much, you would be
willing to risk everything for them.

[♪ somber music continues]

I've missed
so much of her life.

I don't know
how to be her mom.

Since when has not knowing
how to do something ever stopped you?

You have never prepared
for anything in your entire life.

I mean, you either slept through, ignored,
or totally skipped over

all of Dad's lessons.

And yet you are
the Family Wizard.

Yeah, that's pretty wild
when you think about it.

Trust me, when you and Billie
are finally back together,

you will know exactly
how to be her mother.

Because you're Alex Russo.

And Alex Russo
always figures it out.

[♪ poignant music playing]

Thanks.

I know that was really hard
for you to admit.

And it really was.
It goes against every way I lived my life.

But I did mean it.

You got this.

[eerie howling in distance]

Now we just have to survive long enough
to actually see our family.

[♪ eerie music playing]

Okay, try it now.

So did you fix it?

Uh, that depends.

Were you looking
to re-establish

the interdimensional
connection with Aunt Alex?

Or did you want
a double espresso?

Okay, I didn't want
to worry him,

but I think it's time to
ask your grandfather for help.

[sighs]

[video call ringing, chimes]

Theresa, I thought
I called Jerry.

Oh, you did.

He took his phone out of his pocket
when we burned his clothes.

-He got sprayed by a wereskunk.
-Again?

Never mind. Is-Is he around?

Why?

What happened?
Is everything okay?

I can hop on a ferry
and be there in half an hour.

No, no, no, no.
[clears throat]

Everything is fine.

Um, could you just please
have Jerry give me a call?

Okay, I will.

Although they're
gonna have to quarantine him

until the next full moon.

You know, to see
if he turns into a skunk.

-[background roaring]
-Knock it off, Jerry!

Okay, bye.

[chuckles]

Okay, so...

Grandpa Jerry is busy.

Wait, I know another wizard
who might be able to help.

But, Mom, you have to promise
not to say "hubba hubba."

[scoffs] Milo,
nobody says "hubba hubba."

I am
the Handsome Hexman.

Hubba hubba.

Mom!

Sorry, I can't help it!

Today, I will show you how
to give your quantum locator

the love
and respect it deserves.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Okay, behind this door
is the Spell Scrambler.

Once a day for five seconds,
it reboots, which means--

For five seconds,
our magic will work.

That's right,
Damien Penwulf.

Okay, so when
the Scrambler reboots,

-we'll just teleport ourselves home.
-When's it reboot?

Well, there's only one way
to find out.

After you.

[♪ foreboding music playing]

-[Billie and Damien gasp]
-It's a trap!

[laughs maliciously]

Of course it's a trap.

There's always guards in here.

And now I'm gonna trade you
for my freedom. Isn't that great?

How is that great?

Oh, that--
Sorry, it's not great for you.

It's great for me,
I should've been clearer.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

And if you've done it right,
your quantum locator

should be locating your loved ones.

Real nice.

-[beeping]
-It's working!

Yeah, it is.

Oh...

-[beeps]
-[Roman] Alex Russo located.

-[gasps] Oh!
-We re-established the connection!

Wait! What's that?

Justin Russo located!

[gasps]
Justin's there, too?

When I messed up the spell,
it must have sent Dad to Alex.

[sighs]
This is bad.

No, that's bad!

[♪ eerie music playing]

Unknown entity located.

What does that mean?

[evil laugh]

[♪ eerie music playing]

Does that evil laugh
sound familiar to you?

I don't know. When you've heard
as many evil laughs as I have,

they all start
to blend together.

[wizard] Russo!

We meet again.

[laughs maliciously]

[laughs maliciously]

Nicodemus Penwulf!

Of all the rocks
in all the dimensions,

I end up stuck on the one
with my father-in-law.

Dark magic of the rift
has only made me more powerful.

And now I will destroy you
once and for all.

-Look out!
-Whoa!

-Go!
-Go, go, go, go!

[laughs wickedly]

You can run,
but you cannot hide.

[Alex] Oh!

He's not kidding.
We just ran around the entire planet.

[♪ ominous music playing]

[gasps]
Don't!

[♪ ominous music continues]

[grunts]
I can't believe you double crossed us.

Really? Because
the double cross is a big part

of the Evilini brand.

[sighs]
What are we gonna do?

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

Hey, remember
when you were little,

and every time
you saw a crystal ball,

you tried to smash it?

-[♪ suspenseful sting plays]
-[gasps]

Oh!

[guard grunts]

Stay back,
or I smash this thing!

-[grunts]
-She's not gonna do that.

You'd be releasing the most dangerous
criminals in the Wizard World,

And that's messed up.
Even for me.

I don't know.
This thing feels like a real fun smasher.

Billie, you know
you really can't smash that thing, right?

No, no, no, I do, now.

It's rebooting.
This is our chance.

[gasps]
Catch!

[♪ tense music playing]

Teleport us!

Oh!
[gasps]

[power surging]

[chuckles nervously]
So...

We're still good, right?

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[shouts]
Penwulf-Russo!

He's been working on that
for a long time.

I think
he's trying to come up with a spell

that'll bring Dad and Aunt Alex back.

What? No, this is my calculus homework
for next week.

You're doing it now?

I've tried everything
I can think of.

I-I just need something
I can control.

Something that makes sense.
Something I know I can solve.

-You got number eight wrong.
-[yells] Nothing matters!

[gasps]
We did it! We're back!

Billie! Oh...

[Giada chuckles]

-Hi, I'm--
-Damien.

I know.
I'm so glad you're safe.

[♪ tender music playing]

-[sighs in relief]
-Uh...

Wait, where's Justin?

[♪ ominous music playing]

-[zapping]
-[Alex gasps]

He's too powerful.
How are we gonna get out of this?

We're gonna blast our way out.

[expl*si*n]

[gasps, blows]

Yeah, we're not blasting
our way out of anything.

Your death
is but a matter of time. [laughs wickedly]

Alex, I hate to say it.

-Then don't.
-I think this is it.

I literally just said
"don't," Justin.

What is that?

Somebody's opening the rift.

That's it!
That's our way home!

[grunting]
I can't hold it.

-It's closing!
-[grunts]

Billie! Billie, are you sure?

I can do it.

I'm not afraid.

[♪ intense music playing]

Okay, how do we get to it?

I know what to do.

Wait, wait, Alex! No, no more hero stuff.
You're not doing that again.

-Justin, just trust me.
-Al--

[Alex] Over here!

-Alex, no!
-You fool!

[♪ intense music playing]

[Nicodemus laughs maliciously]

Oh, Alex Russo.

Your sacrifice was in vain.

[♪ eerie music playing]

A dummy?

[Justin grunts]

Guess that makes you
the dummy. Bye.

[♪ foreboding music playing]

[Alex grunts]

Alex! You totally
faked him out. That was awesome!

I know. That's why I did it.

-Justin! Oh.
-Oh!

-Dad!
-My boy.

-You're back!
-[Justin chuckles]

[sighs in relief] I've never seen you
dive through a rift before.

[gasps] I mean,
you were like Jason Statham in a cardigan.

-Mom!
-Billie!

I'm so sorry.
I'll never leave you again.

-Promise?
-Yes, I promise.

-[Billie sighs]
-Thank you so much for bringing us home.

Billie, I am so proud of you.
I knew you could do it.

[Justin chuckles]

I have a really good teacher.

[mouths]
Oh.

[♪ sentimental music playing]

Damien...

Hi, Alex.

Wait! Wait, this is not
how I wanted this to go.

[chants]
"Slayus all-dayus."

Woo...

Let's try that again.

Hey, Alex.

So...

Uh...
[chuckles nervously]

Why am I so nervous?

Oh...

Maybe because
everyone is watching.

Oh! Uh...

Right, yeah.
We'll give you a minute.

Star-crossed lovers torn apart
by forces they couldn't control,

reunited by the daughter
they swore to protect.

I could watch this
for six seasons.

Let's go, Winter.

I've missed you.

I've missed you, too.

-Hey.
-[Damien] Hm?

How cool is our daughter?

Did you expect anything less?

Well, she has been living
with Justin for a while,

-so it could've gone either way.
-Mm.

[Justin] Heard that.

[♪ uplifting music playing]

Well, Roman, looks like you'll finally
be getting your own room.

Yeah, I...
I have always wanted it,

but this isn't exactly
how I wanted to get it.

Would it make you feel better
if I moved in here with you?

It would not.

I'm gonna miss you.

It's been fun actually
having someone cool around.

Someone cool? What am I?

Please don't make me say it.

[Billie sighs]

Uh...

Billie, since you got here,
you have broken the rules,

and caused trouble,
and turned our lives upside down.

And I, for one,
am not going to miss you.

I'm not gonna miss you too.

[Alex] Billie,
it's time to go.

Yeah, Mom. I don't know
why Giada was calling to talk to Dad.

Yes, she likes you.

Yes, more than her own mother.

[whispers]
Don't tell your mom I said that.

So you rescued the love
of your life from another dimension,

and now you're
whisking her off to go live in a castle?

It's not like we live
in a fairy tale.

Sell it somewhere else,
Penwulf!

I lived on Staten Island
without a boyfriend.

I need this!

Hey, Giada.

Look, you were there
for Billie when I couldn't be.

And I don't know
how to thank you.

Oh.

You don't have to thank me.

I love that girl.

I'd do it again
in a heartbeat.

Thanks.

[sighs]
Okay, listen, if Mom calls,

don't mention anything
about rifts, or Wizcatraz,

or just anything at all
that happened last week.

You're talking to
the CEO of "Lying to Mom." I've got this.

Listen, Alex, you guys
don't have to leave so soon.

You can stay
as long as you want.

Thanks, but we've spent


-It's time for us to be a family again.
-[Justin] Mm.

I want what you have,
but like, at a castle,

You know, this house
has almost paid off.

So, how's this gonna work?

Because there's no way I'm not
gonna see you every day.

I'm gonna visit
as much as I can.

Because I know you can't just go
to the Wizard World whenever.

Actually...

Winter, I have
something for you.

This bracelet will let you use your
mirrors to travel to the Wizard World.

So you can visit Billie
anytime you want.

[gasps]

Anytime I want?

You're gonna regret that.

So I guess it's not a "Goodbye."
It's just a "See you later."

More like,
"See you every weekend."

I'm gonna go buy a toothbrush
to leave at the castle.

Justin...

Thanks...

for everything.

-Love you.
-Oh, I love you, too.

[mouths]
Bye-bye.

[♪ soft music playing]

So, uh...

Guess I'll see you around.

-[chuckles softly]
-Yeah.

I guess so.

Bye, guys.

[both] Bye.

Well, it, uh...

Looks like it's just
the four of us again.

Has... Has the house
always been this quiet?

I don't know,
but I don't like it.

Well, it's just gonna
take some getting used to.

Yeah.

[warbling]

[♪ sentimental music playing]

[voice breaks]
I love you, Justin.

I love you, too, Billie.

[♪ ominous music playing]

[laughs maliciously]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[sighs] I can't believe
I forgot Billie wasn't with us.

I just ordered the usual.

What are we gonna do
with the pepperoni and raisin pizza?

Uh, give it here.
I'll just pick off the pepperoni.

No, you were born in New York.

No son of mine
is eating a raisin pizza.

Come on.

-[Milo sighs]
-[Giada chuckles]

You okay?

Uh...

I was just thinking about
how different everything was

before she came
to live with us.

I didn't even want
to be a wizard.

[chuckles]
I didn't even know there were wizards.

I know. There was so much
that I was keeping from you.

About wizards.

Just about wizards.

She gave me back
a part of my life that I...

-thought I lost forever. [chuckles]
-Mm.

I hope she knows that.

Well, you can tell her
next time you see her.

You're still
her wizard teacher,

-and her uncle.
-Yeah.

She's not going anywhere.

[sighs]

[Giada's voice] Justin,
can you come in here?

[♪ eerie music playing]

Guys?

Uh... Giada!

[Giada's voice]
Right behind you!

[gasps]

[with Roman's voice]
It's Penwulf!

[with Milo's voice]
He got us, Dad!

You monster!
You leave my family alone--

Thank you.

That's exactly what I needed.

[whooshes]

[with Justin's voice]
Hey, Billie, it's Justin.

[♪ ominous music playing]

So, what exactly
did Justin say?

Just to come over
as fast as we could,

but he sounded weird,
and not like normal "Justin weird."

Yeah, it does sound weird,
doesn't he?

I thought I was
the only one that noticed.

But I'm telling you,
something's wrong.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

-[Billie] Justin!
-What's going on?

[♪ ominous music playing]

Dad?

Hello, son,

granddaughter...

[grudgedly]
Alex.

He's always said
my name like that, even at our wedding.

Finally, I will rip
the Russos apart,

just like they ripped
our family apart.

Is that what you
think happened?

You never would
have abandoned me if it wasn't for her.

You know what?
I don't need my wand.

I'm just gonna hit him.

-Mom!
-Dad, stop!

Alex didn't steal me away.

She showed me
who you really were.

That I didn't
have to be anything like you.

Then you've made
your choice, son.

You'll die with them.

[thuds]

-[gasps]
-Mom?

I knew something was wrong.

You think you're
the CEO of "Lying to Me,"

but I'm the CEO of
"Knowing You're Lying to Me."

So I grabbed my lamp
and I headed right over.

And it's a good thing I did.

Should have seen that coming.

Someone please tell me
what is going on here.

I don't know how you got in, Theresa,
but I'm so glad you did.

Oh, Justin gave me a key.

[whispers angrily]
You gave your mother a key?

Shouldn't we have
talked about this?

Giada, now is not the time.

[Nicodemus laughs wickedly]

[Nicodemus continues laughing]

I'm going to destroy you all.

Not if we destroy you first.

[♪ intense music playing]

Stop! Just stop!

Billie! Get out of the way!

No, we can't do this.

What happened to Russos always
have each other's backs?

He's not a Russo.

You didn't know
I was a Russo when you first met me.

But you never gave up on me.

He's family,
and I'm not giving up on him.

Look, I know how it feels
to be alone,

but you're not.

Okay? You have us.

You don't have to do this.

You can make another choice.

[♪ intense music continues]

[♪ music turns calm]

Dad, please!

This isn't who we are.

[♪ soft music playing]

[chuckles maliciously]

You pathetic fools!

Love has made you weak,
and now you will suffer for it.

[Nicodemus shouts]

[Nicodemus laughs maliciously]

[grunting]

[shouts]
No!

[screaming]

Why aren't we dead?

Wait, are we dead?

-Ow!
-No, we're not dead.

It's over.

It's really over.

Billie, that was...
that was so brave.

And also very dangerous,
young lady. Do not do that again.

Well, her mom voice
really came in.

It seems like just yesterday

I was yelling
at her like that.

And now she's yelling
at her like that.

Oh, I never thought
I'd lived to see it.

[joyful laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter continues]

[Roman] Uh, I gotta hand it
to you, Billie. I don't...

I don't know
how you made the whole force field thing,

but that was pretty amazing.

I didn't make the forcefield.

-Well, I didn't.
-I didn't either.

-Nope.
-Neither did I.

Couldn't if I tried.

Then where did it come from?

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Well, Dad, you do say the Russos
always have each other's backs.

Yeah, maybe we all did it.

It seems pretty obvious
where it came from.

The most powerful
magic of all.

So help me, Merlin Mom, if you say
the magic of family, I will puke.

Mija, I don't have to say it,
because you just did.

[laughter]

We should do this every week.

I'd love that.

[♪ upbeat music continues]

So who you think is gonna win
the wizard competition?

-Is that guy or...
-Me.

Oh, you got it?
You got it?

-[laughter]
-Here we go again.

-Me.
-Your daughter. you think she's gonna...

[indistinct chatter]

[joyful laughter]