01x03 - Oh Mere Jija Ji

[bunniefuu]

Stop the banging…
Just break the door and enter!

What is it?

Roshni?

Kuber found out about the stolen b*llet.

He called off the engagement.

Will you marry me?

Me?

I'm not worthy of you, Roshni.

Only you are, Amavas.

Will you marry me?

What are you doing, Roshni?

I left home without eating.

I'm hungry.

Hey, chase her away!

Eating all my plants… Get out!

Get her out!
She's eating the plants.

Get out!

You left the door open and dozed off.

Then you are romancing the goat!

Idiot!

Listen, Roshni.

Tell me.

"Chacholi's favorite…

Parmanu Singh's son

Dollar Singh's 5th birthday
will be celebrated

with pomp and you're invited!"

Jallad Screws.

Jallad Screws, his company.

-Do you know their slogan?
-Once screwed in, no getting it out.

Yes!

Print a big picture of him
or he'll screw you up.

Pardon.

Sir…

Sir, I wanted a job.

We just hired a peon last month.

Pardon!

Not a peon, I'm a reporter.

Last month,
you asked me to come this month.

Okay.

You said the same the month before that.

I'll say it once more then.

Come next month.

Please don't say that, sir.

Reporting has been my passion forever.

Sir…

I've done an online Journalism course
from Maghadh University.

I write very well.

My writing has even been shared
by Ravish Kumar on Facebook.

Try me out, sir.

I have will and grace for my profession.

We have those as well…

Grace.

Will.

We have both.

They weren't here last month.

I appointed them last week.

On his recommendation.

He's our main sponsor.

-Put it back carefully.
-Sir…

Try again next month.

Heartbroken and full of gloom

No job or a way to become a groom

-My heart shattered, career doomed
-Boss, right here.

No cash, no hope. How will I cope?

Heartbroken and full of gloom

-No job or a way to become a groom
-Boss, excuse!

Where's Principal Banwari's house?

I've visited before
but I'm blanking now.

Follow the direction of your navel.

I've never seen you here before.

I'm his son-in-law.

Oh, the groom-to-be!

Why this rickety rickshaw then?

You should've come on the new b*llet!

-That's what--
-Brother-in-law!

Brother-in-law!

You're late, Bhugol.

Not at all.

-I got here when you did--
-No!

I came first, then you did.

-We both--
-Agree to your mistake.

Agreed.

-Let's go.
-Good boy!

What did you get for me?

The usual… good wishes.

Good wishes…

How do I look?

Lovely.

Listen carefully.

When son-in-law arrives, be coy.

Come out only when he calls you.

Got it?

I know, Mummy.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hello?

Hello? Where are you, Panditji?

On my way, Mr. Banwari.

I can't fly there.

Only you can save us.

I've memorized the story.

I've written dialogues and learned them.

Don't worry.

Praise the Lord!

Listen--

Brother-in-law is here!

Son-in-law is here!

Let's go!

-Greetings, Mummy and Daddy.
-Bless you, child.

How was your journey?

The journey will start now.

On the b*llet.

TUNDPUR PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT CENTER

Repeat… "My name is Ved Bihari

and I work as plumber."

My…

How will you get a visa for Kuwait?

Want to rot in the village all your life?

Repeat after me.

Come ahead.

Why do you want to go to Kuwait?

For my family.

Think of your family

and repeat.

Repeat, "My name is…"

My name is Ved Bihari

and I work as plumber.

Very good.

Please, sit down.

-Very good.
-It was good.

That's all for today.

Everyone should come on time tomorrow.

And finish your homework.

Class dismissed.

Hey, wait!

Three is an unlucky number. Take two.

This boy!

What took you so long?

-Have some hot puris.
-Enough.

Enough! I'm stuffed like a turkey.

Don't worry.

Loosen the drawstring.
It'll give you space.

Your hands are dirty.

-Help your brother-in-law.
-Sure.

-Don't worry about it.
-Give the boy a chance.

Since I've come to the village,
I've stopped working out.

So my pants have become tight.

You're young… excuse me.

Is it true that while jogging in Mumbai
you could bump into Disha Patani?

Who's that?

A Bollywood actress.

I only watch Hollywood.

Oh, yeah.

-Let me feed you.
-No, no.

So, what do you do?

Last stop… Dhadakpur!

Let's go.

Turn around.

Rudrapur.

Hop on for Rudrapur.

Here.

Too much!

Let's see the b*llet now.

Did you enjoy lunch?

Roshni cooked with her own hands.

Who cooks with their feet?

I'll call Roshni!

-Roshni!
-Let it be.

Meeting often reduces the thrill
of the honeymoon.

Be modern, boss!

Be modern!

Where have you parked the b*llet?

Close by.

-Let's see it.
-Son-in-law…

Son-in-law…

Papa, I'll distract brother-in-law.
You call Panditji.

-Right, I'm on it.
-Brother-in-law!

Pick up, Panditji!

Where the hell--

He isn't answering.

Someone's plotting against us.

Why would you say that?

First, someone stole the b*llet.

Now someone's stolen the priest.

It's someone close to us.

So close that we can't spot him.

Mr. Banwari!

Panditji is here.

I'll be right there.

Mr. Banwari.

Pandit--

Mr. Ghuttan!

I'm here to give Roshni's wedding gift.

-There are five days left.
-I won't be able to attend the wedding.

Please don't ask me to come in.
I'm in a rush.

Keep the gift.

Where are you rushing?

It's a private matter.

-When will you return?
-It's a private matter!

-Why aren't you sitting?
-There's no time to sit.

It's a private matter.

Now do you spot the culprit?

Who?

His son is the sole witness to the crime.

And the father flees the village.

So?

I didn't repay his loan…

so he stole the b*llet.

I feel like reporting him to the cops.

And break the village record?

And you will make us lose
our only chance of clean water.

This fragrance seems familiar.

Did you steal my perfume again?

I'm a man.

I don't use women's perfume.

It's says "Man."

It was "Manisha."

"Isha" got rubbed off.

It's mine. Give it back.

Where are you going
all dressed as a groom?

To the cot.

Idiot!

Lunch is ready.

Dear Roshni…

now that you've unblocked me,

I can tell you it was lovely meeting you.

I still love you.

If you don't find the b*llet,

I'll be your groom.

Only if you agree.

Oh, wow! Look!

What?

This wall, studded with cow dung.

We use it as fuel.

I know.

But not today.

We used cooking gas.

It's expensive.

We use it once a week, on Sundays.

But thanks to you,
we used it on Monday too.

We love you so much, Brother-in-law.

Where's the b*llet?

There…

How many megapixels
does your phone camera have?

It's 24 megapixels and costs 24,000.

Please sh**t a reel of me.

I don't know how.

It's easy.

I'll run, and you sh**t me in slo-mo.

-May I borrow your sunglasses?
-Hey!

Ready?

One, two, three… action-- No.

Ready?

Start!

Brother-in-law!

Where are you going?

It's my tea time.

Don't drink his tea.

It'll make you impotent.

He's drinking it.

He's the biggest impotent.

Don't take away my joy
of becoming an uncle.

I'll get you a good cup of tea. Come.

Have they undergone treatment

or have they used a photo filter?

Who are you?

I'm her…

-I'm her…
-My neighbor.

Does the treatment have side effects?

We get 99 percent results.

Hear that? Not 100 percent.

Something's off.

That's 50 percent.

Fine. I'll give you an appointment
after four days.

The remaining 50 percent needs to
be paid before the treatment.

The original side looks better.

Dhadakpur!

Hop on for Dhadakpur!

Someone will see us. Go sit at the back.

How far back?

Dhadakpur!

Dhadakpur!

Get off here.

Will you eat
or should I feed it to the cow?

You've been moping around
since the morning.

Aimlessly.

Say something!

Say something!

-Sis-in-law, tell me…
-What?

Did you have a boyfriend
before marrying my brother?

How do you know?

I'm asking.

You scared me.

So, it's true.

Don't tell your brother.

There were two.

-Two?
-Yes.

Why didn't you marry them?

How can I marry two people?

I mean, the one you loved more.

Love and marriage are not the same.

He was like you… good-for-nothing.

But he himself said…

"Your prospective groom
is a driver in Muscat.

He earns in Rial.

You'll be happy once you marry him.

And if you're happy, I'll be happy."

Remember the guy
who was wailing at my wedding

and scared everyone?

Was it him?

Yes.

He was the one.

Why remind me of all that history?

Will you eat?

Or should I take it?

Look! A tree.

I'll introduce you to the birds.

It's no ordinary tree.

They have the village meetings here.
Where big dreams are discussed.

It's another story that
those dreams don't come true.

Brother-in-law…

what's your dream?

Right now, it's the b*llet.

Got it?

That's today's.

What's your life's dream?

My dream…

I feel I should have two modern bikes.

One to go from home
to office in the morning.

And the other to return from office
to home in the evening.

Wow.

And at night?

I haven't thought about that.

Dream big.

Have three bikes.

You can't show me one,
you're talking about three, BIL?

BIL… brother-in-law!

You've called me a BIL for the first time.

I'm loving it.

Please say it once more.

You think I'm a fool?

I see what you're doing…
This side, that side…

Here, there…

Am I a fool?

Will you tell me where the b*llet is?
Or should I cancel Mumbai for you?

Should I?

-Where's it?
-In the school.

To the school. Quick!

-Hurry!
-Brother-in-law!

-Brother-in-law
-Keep distance.

Brother-in-law! Stop!

sh*t!

Hello, Papa?

Come quick!

Brother-in-law has left for the school.

Stop him!

I'll be there.

Where are you running?

Wear your shirt.

My honor is being stripped
and you're worried about the shirt?

Dhadakpur!

Last stop, Dhadakpur!

Count up to 100.
Then wake Panditji up.

He's from Dhadakpur.

Doesn't he sleep at night?

Panditji!

Panditji!

We've reached Dhadakpur.

Rs. 120.

But it's 40 for a trip.

This is your third trip.

Here.

That's only 50.

Here's blessings worth 70.

Panditji!

Hurry.

I'm coming. I'm almost there.

Don't worry. I'm coming.

I'm almost there.

Son-in-law, wait!

The auspicious time
to see the b*llet has passed.

Son-in-law, wait!
You must stop.

If you see it now, it'll be inauspicious.

Why?

-They bought steel on Saturday.
-So?

-b*llet's stars are not aligned.
-Right.

Yes.

-I don't care.
-Hey!

Listen, if you see it now,
it will be catastrophic!

Like?

Like…

Death!

It'll be a funeral procession
instead of a wedding procession.

I don't believe in this stuff.

I'm modern. Got it?

Wait.

Such a bad omen!

Panditji is highly gifted.

Once he had predicted
a catastrophe for the village.

And then Bhugol was born.

Look, the b*llet is yours.

-But you need to be alive to ride it.
-Yes.

Don't take a risk.

No.

I can't even see it?

-It's simple mathematics.
-Risk!

-Saturday, Monday, Tuesday--
-Fine.

Tell me the next auspicious date.

Of course, why not?

Get going now.

Brother-in-law!

-Brother-in-law!
-Inauspicious person!

I'll set you right in Mumbai.

-I'll drop you to the bus stand.
-Keep distance.

I insist.

Oh God!

Mr. Banwari, what's this drama?

Will you… keep my secret?

You've never donated a single penny
for any festival.

I've kept that a secret as well.

A thief stole the b*llet
and our dreams as well.

If someone finds out,
the marriage will break.

If we go to the cops,
the record will break.

I pray, sweet Lord…

This b*llet has caused us a lot of agony.

Bring back the b*llet…

Roshni should get married.

I wonder who has stolen it.

You visited but didn't meet me.

You only wanted to see the b*llet.

Are you marrying me or the b*llet?

Still… love you.

It was good meeting you yesterday.

I'll try my best to find the b*llet.

Your groom's a city boy…

He'll keep you happy.

And if you'll be happy…

I'll be happy.

I'll make your wedding day so grand
I'll dance with the wedding band

For the sake of your smile
I'm willing to drown in the Nile

Where are you off to?

The police station.

But wait!

The village record will go for a toss!

Your daughter's marriage
is going for a toss. You get it?

Talk to Madam Pushpalata.

She's already jealous.

Her own daughter is unmarried.

She'll understand our plight.

I've requested her so many times…

make me a permanent faculty.
Did she?

Did she feel our plight?

What's wrong with trying?

Fine! Even if I do, what will happen?

She'll call for a meeting.

And she will ask a few people,

"Did you steal?"

Will the thief ever own up?

The wedding date will pass
but we won't find the b*llet.

Take it from me.

The dance that Roshni has prepared,

make her perform it
at the village festival.

Such rubbish advice!

I've been teaching kids for 25 years…

"Cops catch criminals."

How can I forget it myself?

TUNDPUR POLICE STATION

5 DAYS TO ROSHNI'S WEDDING