01x06 - Ullu Mat Bolna

[bunniefuu]

Bhugol, you are not my mistake.

You're my pride.

My heart is bursting with joy.

Won't you hug me
with all your heart, Papa?

Hang on!

Just take a shower first.

Papa, you spoiled the hero's face.

Is it morning?

No. The sun's up at night.

Amavas!

Why are you lying there uselessly?
Let's go get the bike.

Hello, this is not a politician's rally
that you'd get free booze.

Clear your bill.

I'll clear the bill
and you'll get a tip, too.

How much is it?

Eleven.

I'd heard that booze was cheap
in Uttar Pradesh but this is a steal.

Here's your 30 bucks tip.

And 1100 to clear the bill.

No need to say thanks.

It's 11,000!

Necking in the woods,
two lovers get bitten by a bug.

The man becomes impotent.

-Impotent?
-Impotent.

Print it on the first page.

Front page…

In bold letters.

-Listen…
-Yes?

with a picture of that bug.

Pardon.

Go.

Done.

Got that recommendation then?

Yes.

Sit.

I'm the only one in the office
who's here based on merit.

The rest…

So what is your first article
as a journalist going to be?

Sir…

Lack of opportunity forces village youth
to head to the city.

So?

It's a matter of grave concern.

I don't feel concerned.

Do any of you feel concerned?

No.

-Get me some spicy news.
-Sir, I have researched this thoroughly.

Every minute, 25-30 youth
leave for the city.

You've been sitting here
since the past minute. No one's left.

Has anyone left?

Only Mr. Anubhav went to take a leak.

KHABAR FALANA

Amazing!

What is it?

Hasn't there been a theft in Dhadakpur?

Print that story.
Get the exclusive on that.

-It isn't confirmed.
-Leave the confirmation to the people.

Our job is to print it.

Here.

Use this to wrap peanuts.

And get me news from Dhadakpur.
Spicy news.

It will be a great debut. Pardon.

Pintu Bro!

I'll pay you 21,000 against the 11,000
as soon as I become a superstar.

For now, let me take the bike.

Pintu Bro,
I've done so much work with you.

Trust me a little.

-Fine.
-Fine?

Fine!

Fine.

Take off the meter and headlight.

Why don't you keep my phone instead?

It's junk. I won't get more
than three thousand for it.

The balance?

Please let me answer one last time.

Put it on speaker.

-Hello.
-Where have you been since last night?

I was so worried.

I'm fine, Papa.

No. Not about you.
I was worried about the bike.

We've got the bike.

-Almost.
-Almost?

What does that mean?

The soon-to-be-in-laws
are after my blood.

Kuber needs to see the bike at his house.

Only then will he
show up at the wedding.

What time should I confirm?

Papa, there's a problem.

What have you done now, Mr. Idiot?

I've misplaced 11,000 rupees somewhere.

Misplaced it?

How did you manage that?

How did you manage to
misplace 11,000 rupees specifically?

Either you will lose
all the cash or none of it.

Tell me the truth.

Don't make me come there and whack you.

-Amavas drank beer worth Rs. 11,000.
-What?

I knew you guys were useless.

You guys are--

Hello?

Listen up!

The bright new red bike
still hasn't been claimed.

If it's not claimed today

then it will be handed over
to the government treasury.

Then you'll have to pay
even if you want to get a peep.

Listen up!

Is that everything?

A little short.

It was old stuff.

What rubbish!

It was just like new.

As soon as it leaves the showroom,
it starts depreciating.

No matter how shiny it looks.

I didn't get one thing.

You're rich. Why are you doing this?

Have you ever fallen in love?

I got married directly.

-Then you won't get it.
-Hey…

My visa has come through.

Now, I'll go to Kuwait.

Thanks to Nirmal didi.

Thanks… but it's your effort.

If Ved Bihari can do it, so can you.

Work with discipline.

That's it.

My daughter has a gift for you.

-Did you make it?
-Yes.

-On your own?
-Yes.

-What do you want to be when you grow up?
-I want to become like you.

-Thank you!
-You're welcome.

Did anyone see you?

Let them.

I was looking down and walking.

I'll call them and fix
an appointment for the treatment.

Nirmal…

you're very encouraging.

That's why people admire you.

And they will continue doing so.

Whether you change
the way you look or don't.

Why are you feeding us
the same grub for four days?

Get us a pizza today.

Amavas, I've got an idea.

Steal the key from Pintu Bro's pocket.

Pintu Bro!

Laalu and Golu have got diarrhea.

They ate raisins over sour milk.

I've taken an advance.

We'll be in a soup.

Shall I dance?

When was the last time you danced?

At my dad's second marriage.

I've seen that video.

That's not dancing.
That's called having a fit.

I'll do it.

-You?
-Yes.

The gender-bender dance
is below my standards.

But Pintu Bro,
I like you, so I'll dance for you.

It's not some silly monkey dance.

It needs rhythm. It needs grace.

Ladies, please move to the side.

Music.

Your waist moves like a wave

Your waist moves like a wave

Wow!

Do you have a magnet in your waist?

It's pulling me towards you.

The world it will save
In its rhythmic enclave

Hey, stop the music.

You’ll make the house come down!

Thank you.

You will do it,
but what about him?

He's a professional.

He will dance straight on stage.

Give them Laalu and Golu's skirts.

And let everyone know

that Pintu Bro
has brought two showstoppers!

Hang on!

We'll take the b*llet as payment
for this sacrifice.

Works for me.

Sorry, I got late.

Never mind.

Why did you want to meet so urgently?

Were you missing your husband?

But you don't miss your wife.

What are you saying?

Even my WhatsApp status says, "Miss you."

I called you yesterday and you cut it.

And then you switched it off!

Me?

I wear expensive skinny jeans.

It could be the tight pockets
that must've rejected the call.

If I wanted to ignore you,
why would I answer the phone today?

And why would I come to meet you?

May I ask you a question?

Why did you agree to marry me?

Good question.

In this society,
men have always dominated women.

But even then…

That day, you spoke your mind
in front of four men…

"I want to marry Kuber
instead of Durlabh."

Your modernness made me crazy about you.

If you're so crazy about me,

marry me without
the condition of the b*llet.

Am I asking for the b*llet for myself?

It's for my dear wife, Mrs. Roshni Jha.

Think, would you like to travel
in the bus wearing a mini skirt?

No. Never.

Neither in a bus,
a rickshaw nor a scooter.

You deserve only an A-Class b*llet.

It's all for you.

I love you, Roshni.

Love you too.

Banwari.

Banwari Jha.

Why are you being a Peeping Tom?

-I came to give you the wedding card.
-Hand it then.

Damn! I wore the other shirt.

The milk split, else I would've offered
you a cup of tea.

-Okay, then.
-Inspector!

-Yes?
-If you could show me the b*llet…

Why see it?
Sign the FIR and take it. It's yours.

-FIR?
-Yes.

-Deendayal.
-Yes, sir.

Take his signature
and give him the bike keys.

-Go.
-Yes, sir.

-I'll never sign the FIR.
-Hey!

Hey, Banwari. Stop him!

-Hey, stop him!
-No, I…

Stop him!
I'm telling you, don't be frisky.

-Two minutes.
-Catch him!

Deendayal, where's my g*n?

I used it as a paperweight
to stop the curtain from fluttering.

Idiot.

Stop him!

Don't let him touch the b*llet.

Banwari, don't try anything stupid.

A b*llet or stone, my aim is perfect.

I'll get your head.

Oh God!

Did he sh**t?

Last chance.

Sign it.

And take the b*llet.

This number is out of network area.

Oh no!

Great!

Go… Take a look.

Inspector.

This is not my b*llet.

Really? What are you saying?

It isn't yours?

It's fine.

The complaint has been lodged.

I'll definitely find your bike.
In 6-8 months. Understood?

I do understand.

I've been waiting for 20 years…

to make my post permanent.

My daughter's been waiting
for five years…

to leave this village and go to the city.

I had one chance…

which I lost.

This is revenge, right?

If you wanted revenge,

you could've laid down
in front of my vehicle,

slapped me a couple of times,
snatched the cards.

Why mess with the whole village?

The effort you've taken to fool me

if you would've put that into
finding the b*llet instead…

my daughter would've been married.

But only someone who has a child
will understand that.

Thank you.

Mr. Banwari Jha.

How do you know he doesn't have a child?

Someone who has a child of his own…

doesn't lie around all day like this.

He works hard to raise his children.

Inspector, there's no difference
between my child and yours.

Take Gulshan for a few days.

Entertain him and return him after.

Dream job or the pride of the village

How can I choose, should I flip a coin
To get out of this noose

Dream job or the pride of the village…

Okay.

I'll see to it.

Okay, bye.

This is great.

I've noticed…

that today you've been in the loo
more than on your desk.

There's something in the air here.

I feel fresh.

The brain works better.

You don't have to produce a script.

News has to be printed
for the evening edition.

"Theft in Dhadakpur."

That's it.

If you breathe too much in here,
you'll contract diarrhea.

Pardon.

Very classy!

Make a reel of me dancing.

Dollar Bro is here!

Where's his son?
The one whose birthday it is.

He's holding him.

He's our Dollar Bro.

That's an owl.

Don't say that.

Ever since he arrived, Parmanu Bro's
business has been flourishing.

That's why they call him Dollar.

He celebrates his birthday
with gusto every year.

He considers him his son.

If you call someone's son a stupid owl…

how will they react?

My father calls me stupid every day.

Bhugol!

I can't do this.

I'm not like you.

I'm macho.

You can't do it?

It'll be done.
You start the show.

I'll do something.
You go.

Go on, don't worry.

What's this macho nonsense?

If we don't go back with the b*llet,
the whole village will call you a loser.

Hey!

I'll pull out your tongue
and wear it as a belt!

Oh please!

Is this your love for Roshni?

In the film Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam,

the hero takes the heroine abroad
to unite her with her lover.

You can't groove a little?

Can you handle Roshni's tears?

Tonight I'll dance for you, my love.

Kohl-eyes, luscious lips

Brimming with oomph

I'll upturn your world, poof!

Give me a chance, you goof

Come on!

I don't give out a shock
Touch me, don't just gawk

I smell divine
Why won't you get in line?

I don't give out a shock
Touch me, don't just gawk

I smell divine
Why won't you get in line?

Follow me close
Why hide in the shadows?

I'll brighten you up!

Pose, click, snap
Take my photograph

Pose, click, snap
Take my photograph

My youth is ablaze
Make most of these days

Don't be shy, darling
Come close, no point staring

I'm the affliction
And I'm its cure

A taste of my elixir
Is what everyone's waiting for

My heart sings, cover the distance
Come into my life, my existence

I'll brighten up your world!

Pose, click, snap
Take my photograph

Pose, click, snap
Take my photograph

What a performance!

That was brilliant!

Such a deadly performance!

Hey!

The program will continue
until Dollar is awake.

He's a night owl. He'll be up all night.
Does that mean we dance all night?

Hey!

No violence.

Not at all.

It's Dollar's birthday.

Yes, you both will dance all night.

DHADAKPUR EXPOSED

Did you read this?

How could we? The lights went out.

Madan, read aloud what you've printed.

My job was at stake.

Read it!

Dhadakpur has been exposed!

Not a crime-free
but a crime-filled village.

How did he write that?

You've even got the by-line.

Have you no shame?

I do.
That's why it's in such a small font.

One traitor is enough to ruin a nation.

And here we have two to ruin a village!

One lodged an FIR and the other
published it in the newspaper.

Trophy, ticket, clean water,
and respect, we lost it all!

It's not our fault.

It's theirs.

Punish them.

They will be punished.

How?

They will be boycotted.

Boy-cut? A haircut won't solve a thing.

I'm not talking about shaving their heads.
We'll boycott them.

They will be banished.

With immediate effect,
no one will talk to them,

attend their events,
or invite them to any events.

It's a bit much…

Meeting finished.

By this time, the walls of our home
are trembling with your snores.

-What happened today?
-I'm not getting sleep.

That's good.

Let's romance.

I'm stressed.

You get stressed
at the mention of romance.

Vaijyanti, tell me something.

If I were a father…
what kind of father would I be?

Look, you're a horrible husband.

I know. Get back on topic.

You were posted in Darbhanga.

A man m*rder*d his neighbor
and was sentenced to be hanged.

Not neighbor.
He was his wife's lover.

Exactly.

He begged to meet his child one last time.

It wasn't allowed

but you took the kid on your bike

and followed the police van…

so that he could
see his daughter one last time.

You can walk away from a crime.

But you will always stop
to help a crying child.

You may be a horrible husband…

but you would have
been a fantastic father.

It's not even daylight.

Where are you going?

To make a father's dream come true.

2 DAYS TO ROSHNI'S WEDDING