06x05 - Sayonara

[bunniefuu]

[tense music playing]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[panting] f*ck. f*ck.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

MI5. I need the car.

- No, sorry, I can't. Sorry.
- You'll get it back.

Just open the door. Come on.

Get out. Come on.

- Well, how long do you need it for?
- Just get out of the car. Come on.

Well, it's not very convenient. I need it.
I need the car.

Excuse me! When will I get...

Oh, my... Oh, my God! Monty!

[assassin 1] So, how should we do this?

Yeah, we could get festive. Hang you
from a tree... Maybe set you alight?

[assassin 2] Aw, such a pretty death.

[assassin 1] Or...

we could just...

finish her here in the car.

Which would be messier...

but we could do that if you'd prefer.

Take the next left.

[sighs]

[indicator ticking]

[assassin 1] There's a lake up ahead.

An area of outstanding natural beauty.

[chuckling]

[assassin 2]
It's one of those phrases they use.

[assassin 1 chuckling]

I didn't bring my swimsuit.

[chuckling] You British are so prudish.

- Skinny-dipping.
- [assassin 2 chuckles]

- [assassin 1] Why not?
- [grunts]

[shrieks]

[tires screeching]

[muffled grunting]

[muffled grunting continues]

[grunting]

[grunts, panting]

[grunting]

[glass cracking]

[grunting continues]

[panting]

- [grunting]
- [assassin 1 grunting]

[both grunting]

- [grunts]
- [assassin 1 screams]

[both panting, grunting]

[panting, grunting]

[breathing heavily]

[sighs]

[grunting, panting]

[grunts]

[panting]

[panting]

[grunting]

[panting]

[Jackson] What the f*ck
is it with you lot?

[River] Lamb, just... just listen, right?

- [Jackson] How many times--
- [River] The assassins are Russian.

It's-It's-It's revenge
for some hit in Kazan.

They've... [sighs]
They've taken Sid Baker and she...

[Jackson] Sid Baker?

[stammers] She died the last time
she was with you, didn't she?

Yeah, they... [sighs]
They think she did the hit.

[Jackson] Why?

Cartwright?

[panting]

[twig cracks]

[panting stops]

[exclaims, grunting]

[both grunting]

[grunting continues]

[Sid groans]

- [assassin 1 grunting]
- [Sid panting]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[splashing stops]

[exhales deeply]

- [grunting]
- [Sid panting, coughing]

[assassin 1 grunting]

[Sid groaning, panting]

[River grunting]

[both grunting]

[River grunts]

[grunts, groans]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

[Sid grunts]

[River, Sid groaning]

[Sid straining]

[straining continues]

[River, Sid grunting]

[grunting continues]

- [both panting]
- [water bubbling]

["Strange Game" playing]

{\an8}♪ Surrounded by losers ♪

{\an8}♪ Misfits and boozers ♪

{\an8}♪ Hanging by your fingernails ♪

{\an8}♪ You made one mistake
You got burned at the stake ♪

{\an8}♪ You're finished, you're foolish
You failed ♪

{\an8}♪ There's always a hope
On this slippery slope ♪

♪ Somewhere a ghost of a chance ♪

{\an8}♪ To get back in that game ♪

{\an8}♪ And burn off your shame ♪

♪ And dance with the big boys again ♪

Ma'am, he refused to listen
when we told him you weren't available.

Oh, for God's sake.

I'm busy.

- Oh.
- What do you want?

[beeps]

[Jackson] Oh, and what's this?
A little thank-you for the interview?

What's Cantor got on you then?

[Diana] He doesn't have anything on me.

Well, he paraded you around
like you were in a bikini at Butlins.

What did you take from him then? Money?

Is that how you paid for Kazan?

'Cause nobody pulls off a hit
on a foreign holiday,

especially not one
that happens to be in Russia.

Not without serious f*cking brass
in their pocket.

And-And we both know that there's no
spare cash for Service jollies right now.

Cantor wanted to invest
in national security

when we needed investment.

I can assure you he has not bought me.

Oh, believe me, Diana,

if you took his money,
he owns every last f*cking inch of you.

- [scoffs]
- What else has he asked you to do?

Christ, that's f*cking horrible.

[gags]

He's media. I can handle him.

He's nothing.

I hope you're right
because it was Cantor that hired Harkness.

[sighs] Now,
you don't do anything like that

unless you're up to something
very, very naughty.

It's under control.

You have to trust me on this, Jackson.

When I hear the words "trust me,"

I get the feeling
someone's pissing in my shoe.

But you've already pissed
in my shoe, haven't you?

You know the first thing I'd do
if I was the head of Russian Intelligence,

looking for an off-books assassin
who had just topped one of my Joes?

I'd look to see who'd recently
been scrubbed from the records.

So when you covered your tracks by wiping
every file Sid Baker's name was ever in,

you basically drew
a great bloody arrow over my lot,

making them look like the f*cking A-Team.

Sid Baker's file
was wiped a long time ago.

But she was still
in the deep data sets though, wasn't she?

Or you wouldn't have had to do it
all over again.

What are the GRU coming to?

Beria must be turning in his grave.

As I have already told you,
I am on top of this.

Well, if this is you on top, Diana,

I'd hate to see
what you're like underneath.

Where are you going?

[Jackson] To find out
what links Cantor to the Russians.

Try not to make any more
bad decisions while I'm gone.

[door opens, closes]

You never told me whose funeral it was.

- Didn't I?
- No.

Oh.

It was my grandfather.

- River.
- Yeah.

[clicks tongue] So sorry.

Ah, well.

Why didn't you say?

Well, because we've been
a little bit distracted.

Yeah, I've just not...

God, I haven't thought about it
since all this happened.

That's been quite nice.

This should happen more.

- [sighs]
- [chuckles]

No, it's... it was fine.

Well...

Towards the end, he...

well, he just wasn't really there. So...

I'm sorry.

My b*llet's stopped talking to me.

When he put my head in the water,
it bubbled a bit and then...

then it stopped.

I think he drowned Poirot.

- Well, that's good news.
- [chuckles]

I'm not an expert, right, but maybe
that's how it works with traumas.

You know, one cancels out the others.

- Right. You're not an expert.
- Yeah.

'Cause that sounds like seven years
of medical school to me.

- Shut up. Shut up.
- [chuckles]

[chuckles]

Thank you, by the way.

It was either him or you, Sid.

And I'd really prefer
if it was never you again.

Agent Baker located.

Cartwright's with her.

It's just in the nick of time, lads.

He's over there.

[Singh] Ma'am, we've picked up
Baker and Cartwright.

They've already dispatched
the Russian agent.

Report back to me
when they've reached their destination.

Vassily, it's Diana.

I'm afraid there's been a development.

[pensive music plays]

[knocking on door]

Yeah?

- [Peter] Morning.
- [Cantor] Hmm.

[Peter clicks tongue]

Well, this all looks
reassuringly expensive.

What do you want, Peter?

Diana Taverner.

In a bit of hot water,
if my informants are to be believed.

I must say, I was a little alarmed myself
when I watched the interview.

Not quite what you led me to expect.

Oh, now you're, what? Running scared?

Oh, far from it.

I'm here to assure you of
my continuing support and collaboration,

should the scrutiny
of Diana broaden its focus.

I presume you prefer your generosity
to remain untrumpeted,

should anyone come asking?

Are you prepared to say
the money is yours?

Wouldn't that present
accounting difficulties, Peter?

Cooking the books is an ancestral skill.

[Cantor chuckles]

And, uh, in exchange
for your collaboration and support?

I've been out in the cold a long time.

I'd like my seat at the table back.

Oh, Peter. That would be
quite some rehabilitation.

- But not one I feel beyond the powers...
- [phone buzzing]

...of a man who runs a news channel.

[buzzing continues]

I have to take this.

Oh, quite.

Off I f*ck.

[buzzing continues]

[door opens]

- Cantor.
- [Natasha] Where are you?

[door closes]

At work.

But I'm free for lunch.

{\an8}[Natasha] No, you're not.

You're invited to Quaglino's restaurant.

And there will be people there.

People you've been wanting to meet.

Wait. [stammers] What are you saying?
This is... This is it?

[Natasha] This is it.

The terms of the deal
might need some finessing.

But that's what will be on the table.

Along with arancini, of course.

Well, congratulations.

Your efforts have been recognized.

You're about to land the biggest media
distribution deal in Russian history.

- So where are we heading?
- Park.

How did you know where we were?

[Dog 1] Member of the public called it in.

Said someone commandeered her car.

And her dog.

[dog whining]

[chattering on radio]

[exhales sharply]

[tense music playing]

[mercenary 1] What the f*ck
is wrong with him?

He takes a piss every five minutes.

You think he's got a prostate?

Everyone's got a prostate. [sighs]

I mean, one that doesn't work.

Tell you one thing for sure.
He's broken his ribs.

Look how he's moving.

[mercenary 1] You think
that's why he needed us?

Maybe he just wanted some company.

[scoffs]

f*cking hell. I should have warned him
what a gloomy b*stard you are.

- Cheer the f*ck up, will you?
- Yeah, I'm just--

- [shushes]
- Kid's turned his phone on again.

On the A40 and heading east.

Why don't you drive?

Take the back seat.

Yeah, take a back seat.

- [exhales deeply]
- [clattering]

[fabric ripping]

That's probably of her niece
or nephew or something.

Well, they're sh*t at art then.
I'm doing her a favor.

[fabric ripping]

You can get off your arse
and help me if you want.

No. Enjoying you at work.

- Impressive.
- Not as impressive as you.

What's that supposed to mean?

You tell me.

Is that it?

It's all I could find.

[Moira] It's my understanding

that we're meant to stay
inside the confines of the building.

This is a safe house, Moira.
We're not under house arrest.

What about the petrol from the car?

No way. If we need to get away,
we'd be f*cked.

Was this the tea loaf?

If we need to defend ourselves,
we'd be f*cked.

[Catherine] I think the tea loaf
is the least of our worries.

Look, the Park has wiped us.

If this goes bad, no one's coming to help.

On the list please, Shirley. We...

None of us knows
how long we're going to be here.

- What if we have to implement rationing?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Petrol's probably free anyway.

Like everything else
in that amazing job of yours.

- Mm-mmm. It's called a contract.
- New car.

Wads of cash. Almost too good to be true.

- Sorry I'm happy.
- Oh, no. Don't be.

- I'm so happy that you're happy.
- Oh, good.

It works out then.

[vehicle approaching]

[tense music playing]

- Nice gaff.
- [Louisa] It's Roddy.

We should check out the master bedroom.

[Roddy chuckles] Someone's had a glow-up.

- [Louisa] Missed you.
- [phone rings]

[Shirley] What the f*ck
are you doing here?

[Roddy, Shirley chattering]

[ringing continues]

[phone beeps]

Hello?

[Jackson] Is that Standish?

You got over yourself yet?

I still want to shove your head
in a mangle, if that's what you mean.

[Jackson sighs] You should relax.

Neck that Pinot you've been toting about.

Well, it was a Margaux.

And as you know,
I left it in the back of your car.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so you did.

[inhales sharply] Who's arrived?

Is h* there yet?

[Catherine] Yes, he's just got here.

But no River and Coe yet.

And we had to bring Moira Tregorian.

- It's a long story.
- Hmm.

Oh, f*cking hell.
That'd drive you to drink.

Look, what's the plan?
Seeing as you've got us all here.

Shirley's been making petrol bombs.

Plan?

Well, it's a safe house.

The clue's in the name.

Here, put h* on the line, will you?

[Catherine] Yep. Hang on.

Um, Roddy!

Hello. Lamb needs you.

Like the desert needs the rain.

Yeah?

Diana Taverner is in bed
with Damien Cantor.

Find out who else she's seeing.

Home Secretary,

I have already acknowledged
that the outcome of the interview

was not what I had hoped.

Will you also acknowledge that,
in simply agreeing to do it,

you showed poorer judgment than we have
a right to expect from a First Desk?

And you won't see it again from me.

Though you have seen worse from others.

Are you trying to minimize
your own blunders

by tarnishing the reputations
of your predecessors?

No. I'm just answering the questions
the committee puts to me.

Very well.

How did you fund the operation in Kazan?

I believe Oliver
has jumped to our next item.

The k*lling of a Russian agent
on Russian soil by one of ours.

Presumably the retaliation
that was mentioned in the interview.

If this is new to you, gentlemen,

it's because First Desk did not seek
approval or oversight

for the operation
through the usual channels.

Or indeed through any channels.

Is this true, Diana?

It is true that recently we responded
to nerve attacks on British soil

with an action in Russia, yes.

Without oversight, scrutiny or approval?

Yes.

[home secretary]
We have protocols for a reason.

And sometimes there are reasons
not to follow them.

What reason could there possibly be
for ignoring compliance at every level?

Th-This committee is an answer in itself.

[committee murmurs]

[Diana] This isn't the Civil Service.

This is the Secret Service.

And in the time it would've taken
for me to get a sign-off,

the opportunity for action would've gone.

You ask how I funded this?

The answer is, with great difficulty.

I'm expected to manage
the safety of this country

with the funds of a village fete.

It's like being sent
into a g*n fight with a pencil.

A pencil that requires
a subcommittee's approval.

Park budgets increased
by over 4% last year.

Given that the operational costs
have increased by twice that,

we're still in deficit.

Now, I've made your cuts.

A snip here, a snip there.

But you shouldn't be asking me
how I funded this.

You should be asking me
how I will fund the next one,

and the next one, and the one after that.

That, gentlemen,
is what keeps me awake at night.

[tense music playing]

What's going on?

Yeah, wh-where are you taking us?

[tense music continues]

[River] You said you were
taking us to the Park. This...

What the f*ck is happening?

What is this? Who's that for?

Can you hear me?

You understand we're active agents,
don't you? What...

Does Taverner know we're here?

- All right. Can-Can you just--
- Sit.

[River sighs]

Stay.

[doors closing]

[mercenary 2 exhales deeply]

So, this is as far as the signal took us?

Uh-huh.

And what now?

[sighs]

You start earning your wages.

Needle in a haystack though, isn't it?

You know how you find one of those?

Burn down the f*cking haystack.

Right.

- [ball thuds]
- [music playing on TV]

[chattering on TV]

[Roddy] Hey, guess how much Taverner
spent on a pair of door handles?

- Forty quid?
- Uh-uh.

- Sixty?
- More.

- [Shirley] 200?
- Don't go through her stuff.


clear etched floral glass door handles.

- That's half my bloody rent.
- Yeah.

- Can you stop that?
- What are you even doing on her laptop?

If you must know, which you don't need to,
Lamb asked me to track Cantor's movements.

Why do you even give a sh*t anyway?

Taverner gave you the old heave-h*.

[Louisa] What do you think you'll do now?

- Get a job at her place. Life-changing.
- Yeah.

I've always imagined you two
doing something together.

[Flyte] Seriously?

Have you actually ever had sex
with a woman?

Or any connection in real life?

'Cause this is pathetic.

[chattering on TV continues]

Hmm.

You don't look like a spy.

Me? Well, if I did look like a spy,
I wouldn't be a very good spy, would I?

If you were a good spy,
you wouldn't be in Slough House.

What are you then?

That's a very good question.

When we started out,
most women were support staff.

Yes, and we weren't always supporting
the right people.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He was an arsehole.

There's a lot of them about.

And he can't change now.

Whatever he was,
that's all he's ever going to be.

[sighs]

Sometimes it helps
to talk about these things.

No.

No, I don't blame you.

[phone ringing]

[beeps]

- Westward h*.
- [Jackson sighs] Oh, f*ck off.

Yeah, all right. So, I've been
through Cantor's diary.

He goes to boxing twice a week,
yoga once a week,

some sommelier thing, the theater,
a lot of chichi dinners.

And then, about twice a month, he goes
to some kids' ballet class in Hampstead.

It's on today.

- [Jackson] Has he got kids?
- No.

Well, unless he's a pedo,

what the f*ck is he doing
at a kids' ballet class?

Why you?

- What?
- Why...

Why you? Why your name?

What, the hit in Kazan?

Taverner could have picked
any dead Joe's identity,

but she picked the one agent
whose death was faked.

What if I'm...

her contingency plan?

I'm the throwaway.

We need to speak to Taverner.

Right, you know what, dickheads?

We're still actually active agents.

- Sit the f*ck down!
- We have critical--

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Look, do you have any idea what's
been happening since you picked us up?

Any idea at all?

Because I'm telling you,

if you have one single doubt about
what you're being asked to do here,

then you need to put me through
to the Park now.

Otherwise,

when the sh*t hits the fan,
and this is all over,

I can personally guarantee

that you're gonna be shipped off
to Slough House within the month.

Just one phone call.

[Ofili] Ma'am, we've got a call
from River Cartwright.

Do I put him through?

[chattering continues]

Cartwright, what do you want?

[River] Ma'am, I'm with Sid Baker.

And she wants to know if you can
personally vouch for her safety.

Put her on.

Baker?

[Sid] What's happening here, ma'am?

Look, Sid...

Your identity was used
for an off-books hit.

To stop an escalating situation,
I have agreed to hand you over to the GRU.

You will be taken to Moscow,

where you will remain until
we've worked out the details of the trade.

And how long will that take?

Couple of months...

at the most.

Ma'am.

Why did you tell everyone I was dead?

Because I thought it might be useful.

I cannot afford to lose the agent
that carried out the hit.

But I can afford to spare you
for a couple of months.

- Hmm?
- [phone buzzing]

Uh, you have to trust me on this, Sidonie.

[buzzing continues]

[sighs]

Vassily?

[inhales sharply]

[sighs]

Well? What'd she say?

- Um...
- Sid?

That she'll get me back, and to trust her.

To trust her?

[breathes heavily]

[sighs]

They're gonna k*ll me.

[sighs]

[Ofili] Ma'am, I'm looking
at their flight plan.

They're not taking her to Russia.

They're taking her to Sofia.

Bulgaria is neutral ground.

If she's not in Russia,
she won't be on the books.

They can do what they want with her.

The deal goes ahead.

- Y-You said it was a trade.
- The deal goes ahead.

["Waltz of the Flowers" playing]

[sighs]

[wrapper rustling]

["Waltz of the Flowers" continues]

[Natasha chuckling] Thank you.

Bye.

[Jackson] Hello.

How you been? I haven't seen you in ages.

I'm-I'm so sorry. Have we met?

[stammers] Yeah. At the ballet class.

I-I think I spoke to your husband.

No. No. I don't think so.

- Wh-What's your daughter's name again?
- Uh, uh... Matilda.

She's a tiny redhead.

Precocious thing.

- [chuckles]
- Well, nice to see you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. [chuckles]

- I guess I'll see you next week?
- Yeah. I hope so.

[chuckling] Bye.

- [phone ringing]
- [chattering on TV]

- Hello?
- [Jackson] Yeah. Put h* on the line.

[sighs] Yeah.
I've been really good. Thanks.

He wants to speak to you.

Can you ask him how River is?

- What do you need?
- Cantor's been meeting someone.

She's got a Russian accent
and she just lost me,

which takes tradecraft.

Get me surveillance of people
going in and out of that ballet class.

She's a... a brunette.

Give Flyte a run for her money.

Find out who she is.

We're running out of time.

Do you think they'll k*ll me mid-air,
or take me somewhere romantic?

[sighs]

What is a really romantic place to die?

Pierced by the Eiffel Tower?

[chuckling] Yeah.

God, that's a good shout.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

- Be a bit touristy, though.
- Yeah, you'll have to queue for hours.

[River] Hmm.

Pyramids?

- On the whole spiky theme.
- Maybe if I asked them nicely.

[Dog] Both of you, up!

Wait here.

[Sid sighing] Oh, God.

I thought getting shot in the head was
the worst thing that could happen to me,

but apparently I was wrong.

Yeah.

- [sighs]
- You know, when they came for me,

you were the only person
I could think of going to for help.

[chuckles]

How sad is that?

Really f*cking sad.

[sighs] I'm glad I saw
your grandfather's house, though.

I liked it.

Felt like home.

Yeah, used to.

You know, he, um...

he would do this thing.

Whenever he'd be expecting me,
he'd leave a light on. Just one.

Always.

And I mean that...

that's when I miss him the most.

When I go back and everything's just dark.

I'd leave a light on for you.

If it were my house.

You know, apparently,
you can have a lot of fun in the dark.

Or, you know, we could just...

leave the lights on.

I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah.

Um...

While we, um...

Do stuff.

Right.

I wouldn't want to rush you.

That would not be an issue.

It has been many a moon.

- Many a moon?
- Hmm.

I mean, I've spent three years
in a sanatorium, so...

Right. Well,
it's not been that long. Jesus.

- All right. f*ck off.
- Just saying.

- It's not--
- Casanova.

Oh, God.

[clears throat]

I don't want to do this, River.

[sighs]

[stammers] This is bullshit.

Let's go.

[River] Look. There must be something
that we can do? Okay?

We can speak to some...

Please! Just... Please!

Oh, f*ck.

She really fancies me.

[grunting]

Get Cartwright!

[grunts] No!

- [grunts]
- [clamoring]

- Get out the car!
- Come on! Come on!

[grunting]

[Dog 1] Get Baker! She's leaving!

Go, go, go!

- Hold your fire! We need Baker alive!
- Go! Come on!

- Hold your fire! Don't sh**t!
- [tires screeching]

Don't sh**t!

[Sid] River, we're going round in circles!

[grunts]

f*ck off!

[River panting]

[sighs]

[tires screeching]

- What are you doing?
- Go. Run.

- No, just keep going.
- Sid, they don't want me. They want you.

- Keep driving.
- Sid...

I don't have f*cking time for this, okay?

- I can delay them. Just f*cking go.
- Jesus.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

- Oh, so you've got time for that?
- Well...

- Jesus. For f*ck sake.
- [door closes]

[Dog 2, muffled] Get out the car! Get out!

Unlock the door!

[Dog 1] Where is she?

Where is she?

Where the f*ck is she?