Good Sport (2025)

[bunniefuu]

[crowd cheering, applauding]

[boy 1] sh**t it!

[buzzer ringing]

[phone vibrating]

-[Cindy] Hey.

-Hmm?

[Cindy] Someone's calling you.

-What?

-[Cindy] Someone's calling you.

- Hello?

[Sophie on phone]

Where are you?

Oh, f*ck!

I-- I know. Yeah.

[Sophie on phone]

Where you at?

I'm on-- I'm on my way right

now. Yep. Sorry.

[Sophie on phone] Okay, well--

-Uh, yeah

[Sophie on phone]

I'm back waiting, so--

-I'll be there in five minutes.

-[Sophie] See you in five.

Yep, I'll be there in five.

-f*ck!

-Everything all right?

Yeah, I gotta pick my kid

up from my wife's house,

my ex-wife's house, and we got

like a basketball game

in like uh, 20 minutes.

Yeah, your alarm went off like

two hours ago.

[Pat] Yeah, I know.

I f*cking snoozed it.

[water running]

Yeah, sorry to rush out

like this.

I would've offered to buy you

breakfast or something, but...

[sighs] Yeah--

-Oh, no, it's-- it's fine.

[chuckles]

I should get going anyways, so.

-Well,

um, thanks for coming over.

I had a really nice time last

night. It was nice

hanging out with you.

-I'm glad. I mean,

all I did was tickle your back,

but whatever floats your boat.

Well, no-- Yeah, I know, but uh,

it's just uh,

it's been a while, I guess,

you know?

Oh, since someone tickled

your back?

No, no, uh, since I uh,

shared a bed with someone.

-Oh.

-Besides my dog, you know?

[Cindy] Right.

[clears throat]

Uh, I feel like I'm forgetting

something.

-Um--

-[Cindy] Mm.

Definitely forgetting s--

something.

-To pay me.

-[Pat] To pay you!

-Duh, that's-- that's right.

-Yes.

Um, let me-- let me go get

my wallet.

Great.

I'm not normally

this dysfunctional.

Okay. [chuckles]

[Pat] So how long you, uh,

been in this line of work for?

Um, you're actually

my first client.

[Pat] Oh!

Yeah?

Wow, that's uh, that's cool.

I'm-- I'm honored. I uh...

Well, I mean,

you're my first, too.

Uh, well, that's weird.

I don't, uh...

My wallet's normally

in my bedroom.

Yeah, your dog has it.

[whimpers]

g*dd*mn it, Max!

Max, ah, come on!

Are you serious?

[pants]

Do you have other cash?

[Pat] No.

[Cindy] Okay.

I got him from a f*cking

rescue center like a month ago.

He eats all my sh*t.

He's got this condition called,

"pica", which they didn't even

f*cking tell me when I got him,

you know?

All right, I have to get paid,

so can we go to the bank now?

Oh, well, you know what?

I-- Oh, I can't right now.

I'm late as f*ck.

I'm so sorry.

Well, when are we going then?

Uh, well, let's see.

Um, I have my kid this weekend,

so I haven't seen him

for a bit, but I-- I can uh,

for sure pay you, um,

late on Monday,

like 5:00 or so.

-Is that okay?

-Okay.

Yeah, that should be fine,

but, um, it--

it can't be later than Monday.

No, no, no, no later,

and if you want,

I can take you for dinner

for the inconvenience.

Okay.

-Have-- have fun at your game.

-Thanks, Mindy. So sorry--

-It's Cindy.

-Cindy, yes.

-Yeah.

-I'm so sorry.

-Whatever. Monday.

-Monday, yes.

Promise.

[phone ringing]

[Sophie] Hey, you here?

Okay, well,

that was not five minutes.

Your dad's here.

Honey, you didn't touch it.

Is the face weird?

I'm not hungry.

Take a bite, please.

You have to eat something.

No, mom, ugh, I'm, uh...

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Are you peeing or pooping?

[Zach] Poop.

Hurry up!

[door creaks]

[water glugging]

Hmm.

Hey. [coughs]

Sorry, uh, my car died,

so I had to jump it.

Yeah, it's fine.

Just, you know,

give me a heads-up next time.

I don't want to have to call you

like 20 times.

Yes, sorry.

Where's the boy?

-Do you want this?

-No.

He's um, pooping.

I don't know how.

He doesn't eat anything.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

I'm uh, you know, I'm just,

uh...

How are you?

Good.

Just a little jet-lagged.

Yeah, I bet.

Did you get my text yesterday?

I did, yep.

And uh, I was gonna respond,

but I got kind of busy.

It's okay. Um, I just didn't

want you to find out from Zach

or something weird.

I mean, you know, I--

I would've appreciated--

It's just, you know, uh,

if I had gotten engaged,

I would've probably called you

to tell you,

but uh, I mean,

it's whatevs.

It's-- sorry.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

[door opening]

-Hey, buddy.

-[Zach] Hey, dad.

[door shuts]

[Pat] Oh, did you get a haircut?

-Yeah.

-[Pat] Uh, looking fresh.

-You uh, you coming?

-Mm-hmm.

Is Jeff coming?

Yeah, he's excited to see

you play.

Nice.

All right, see ya.

[car starts]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you--

[Pat] All right, sorry.

That's-- that's me.

That's me. That's me.

How was your trip, buddy?

It was fine.

I thought Paris was cooler

than London.

Mm.

The croissants were pretty good.

Ah, all right.

Sounds like you had

a nice time there, buddy.

Jeff told me he's been

to over 20 different countries.

Ah, good.

Good for ...Jeff.

Are you upset that mom's getting

married again?

Uh, you know,

it doesn't really matter

-what I think.

-Why?

Are-- are you upset about it?

It's kind of weird, I guess.

So, does this mean you

guys aren't getting

back together again?

[grunts]

Yeah, no, we're not.

Yeah, I'm afraid not, buddy.

[upbeat music playing]

[opens, shuts doors]

[Pat] Let's go.

[Zach pants]

[Tom] All right, guys,

let's get the warm-ups complete.

Let's go, let's go.

[Tom] I don't want any excuses

out there.

Hey, what up, fellas?

Sorry I'm late.

Let's start those warm-ups.

Come on, let's go.

You think I could start off

point today?

You know it, I was gonna start

you there anyway.

Uh, hey, Zach, my mom told me

you're gonna have a new dad.

Okay, he's not gonna have

a new dad, okay?

I'm not dead yet.

Let's go, Will, on the court.

Go.

[Tom] Lower! Lower.

Your asses

should be on the ground.

Jack, a*s on the ground.

You gotta stretch those glutes.

Patty Melts.

[laughing]

What's up, little dude?

Guys, I got some business

over here.

Run your uh, layup drills,

okay?

Get on the court.

They're idiots.

[laughing]

I never know

what to do with them.

-Yeah.

-What's up, m*therf*cker?

-[Pat] Oh, hey. Hey, Tom. Okay.

-[laughing]

You ready to get your a*s

f*cked?

Yeah, good seeing you, too.

I've been looking forward

to this all week, buddy.

Looking forward to kicking

your a*s.

Should be a good game.

[laughing]

You know, I was surprised

to hear you were coaching

-this year.

-Hmm.

I just never looked at you as

like, the coaching type.

No offense.

No, you know, I'm just trying

to spend more time with my kid,

-I guess.

-Right.

I suppose with the,

the divorce and all that.

Sorry about that, by the way.

I know I'm like a year late.

Well, two years,

but thanks for the condolences.

Yeah. You know, Christ,

when was the last time

we were on a basketball court?

It must have been, uh--

Uh--

Section championship like '94?

-Sounds about right.

-Yeah.

You were always a good guy

off the bench, Patty.

-I'll give you that. [chuckles]

-[chuckles]

Do you remember that time

that guy took a layup on you,

nailed you right in the f*cking

nuts with his knee?

-Hmm. Yeah.

-[laughing]

-I just hear...

-[imitates gagging]

I turn around, you're puking

your guts out in the corner.

Hm. [chuckles]

Patty the Puker,

that's what they called you.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks for reminding me of that.

-[Liam] Hey, dad?

-What?

Can I go grab the

creatine from the car?

Yes.

Uh, no more than 5 grams,

capiche?

Yes, sir.

Anyway, good luck today.

-Yeah. You, too.

-You're gonna need it.

Oh, and I'm really glad

your testicles healed, though.

That's uh, a pain

I cannot imagine.

And hope it will never happen

to me.

No. Thanks.

[Tom] Guys, get on

the free throw line!

[playful music playing]

f*ck.

[phone vibrating]

[Tom] That's 10 push-ups.

Hey, what's up?

[Cindy on phone]

Hi, it's Cindy.

Are you at your game right now?

Uh, yeah, why?

[Cindy on phone] Okay, well, um,

I told my agency

about what happened with your

dog or whatever and um,

they're not cool with you paying

me on Monday, like at all.

So, I'm sorry about that.

Okay, so?

[Cindy on phone]

So I was wondering

if you could pay me right now.

[Cindy on phone] Hello?

Yeah, no, I-- I can't

do that right now.

-Um-- Hi, Mary.

-Pat, can I have a word, please?

[Cindy on phone]

You know what I'm asking you--

Yeah, I'm sorry, I gotta--

I gotta go.

-Call you after the game. Bye.

-[Cindy on phone] It's--

You know the kids

have been waiting

on you for 20 minutes.

Yeah, sorry, I was having

car problems, so.

Uh-huh, okay, well, I wanted

to talk to you,

because Will said that you

yelled at him and made him

sit out for

most of practice last week.

Yeah, actually,

can we talk about this later?

No.

No, we can't talk

about this later.

He came home very upset.

Well, [scoffs]

I'm sorry he was upset,

but what he told you isn't

exactly what happened, so...

Are you calling my son a liar?

Okay, look, I was teaching

a drill, and he was distracting

the other boys, you know,

goofing off,

trying to make 'em laugh,

and I told him to stop

multiple times, but he didn't.

So yes, I had him sit out for

like 10 minutes

at the end of practice,

but I did not yell at him.

I may have raised my voice,

but I did not yell.

[Will] Ah!

Ah, it's coming.

Ah! [laughs]

Okay, well,

whatever he was doing--

[Will] Ah! Ah!

I'm sure it was perfectly

innocent, and largely due

to the fact that he has trouble

paying attention.

And not by choice,

but because he suffers

from ADHD,

and you are well

aware of his neurodivergence,

So for you to not take

that into consideration,

I find it highly distressing.

Yo, excuse me,

y'all know where the coach is?

Yeah, I'm the coach.

Oh, uh, we're about to get

started in a couple minutes.

Okay, thanks.

I don't want

to have this tte--tte again.

-[Tom] Jack!

-Okay?

-[Tom] Did you skip leg day?

-Okay.

-[Tom] What is that?

-Boys, bring it in.

[Tom indistinct speech]

Pass it like that, okay.

[indistinct speech]

[slurps]

How'd it go?

Well, he practically denied

everything Will had said,

so you tell me.

Ah, what a scumbag.

I told him, "I don't want to

have this conversation again."

We're not doing this, okay?

It's done.

That behavior is completely

unacceptable.

Well, well, I'm proud of

you for saying something, honey.

It takes a lot of guts.

[slurping]

When I was talking to him--

Hmm.

I could smell... alcohol.

[Tom] Good, good.

What?

On his breath.

I smelled alcohol on his breath.

-Right now?

-Yes, Mark, right now.

Jesus freaking Christ!

I couldn't have said something.

I'm just gonna wait until

Sophie gets here.

I'll let her deal with it.

I don't want to make a big

scene before the game starts.

Who in the Sam Hill pre-games

their kid's basketball game

at 10:00

in the freaking morning?

Alcoholics, Mark.

Everybody,

pay attention to Liam!

Elbows in,

sh**ting hand under the ball,

straight up in a line.

Perfect!

Nothing but net.

Nothing but net!

Net!

All right, fellas,

first game of the season.

How we feeling?

[overlapping chatter]

Guys.

[overlapping chatter]

[Will] Yeah,

you didn't know that?

-Bro, what is wrong with you?

-[CJ] Queso Lily ate all my--

Guys.

I'm like, next in line, 'cause

I look like Timothe Chalamet.

Guys! [sighs]

Okay, let's talk positions.

Justin, starting you

at point guard.

-CJ, sh**ting guard.

-p*nis.

Zach, small forward.

-[Sam] p*nis.

-[Pat] Sam, center.

-[Will] p*nis.

-Will, power forward.

-p*nis! [laughing]

-[Pat] Will!

-Oh my God.

-Cut it out.

Sam did it, too.

Well, whoever's saying p*nis,

stop saying p*nis.

You literally just said it.

Okay, let's just--

Come on.

-[Will indistinct speech]

-Hands in the middle.

Guys, guys, guys.

Knights on three: 1, 2, 3.

-Knights!

-[Will] Penises!

-You wish, buddy.

-All right. Come on.

All right, listen up.

Don't move, don't blink,

eyes open.

That's how you retain

information, okay?

I need everyone to understand

the objective once we get

out there on the court.

Jack?

Uh, t-- to have fun?

No! You idiot, not to have fun.

-Liam?

-To win.

Yes! To win.

We're going out there to win.

We're not going out there

to have fun.

We're not going out there

to be good sports, we're not

going out there to try our best

or any of that crap.

We're going out there to win,

and I don't just wanna win,

I wanna pummel these guys.

Pummel, pummel, pummel!

I wanna dominate,

and if you have to play dirty,

you do it.

Understood?

-Uh--

-Understood!

Yes, understood.

Now, let's get out there

and serve these guys

up a helping of humiliation

with a side of asparagus,

so an hour and a half later when

they pee, it smells like sh*t.

-You hear me? Capisce?

-[players] Capiche.

Liam, take it away.

[Liam] We are the Tigers!

[players and Tom together]

We are the Tigers!

What do we do?

[players and Tom together]

We roar!

Get out there and k*ll 'em.

k*ll! k*ll, k*ll!

They're a bunch of

f*cking try-hard.

[cheering]

All right, boys,

let's have some fun out there.

Yo, Patty Melt, what's say we

put some money on this thing?

I'm thinking like 5Gs.

What do you say?

I'm good.

You ain't, f*cking p*ssy.

All right, may the best man win.

All right, y'all,

let's make this quick.

Y'all might not understand

this yet,

but I got a whole lot of a*s

waiting for me after this game.

So like I said, good,

quick game.

[woman 1] Let's go, Tigers!

-[man 1] Go.

-[Tom] Atta boy, Liam!

[crowd clapping]

[Will-Tom] Atta boy, go boy, go

boy! All right, set it up.

[Tom] Set it up.

[man 2] Go for it.

-[woman 2] With you, Liam.

-[Liam] Got it!

[crowd cheering, whistling,

clapping]

-[Tom] Yes. Yes!

-Oh, what the hell?

That's the spicy sauce.

That's the sauce.

[man 3 indistinct speech]

[Tom] Oh, oh, interception!

[crowd cheering, clapping]

-Glorious.

-Julian, get him!

Glorious, buddy.

[Zach] Pass it back.

Pass it, come on.

Put him in a body bag.

[Zach] What was that?

[grunts]

[Tom] We are pummeling.

Keep up the pummel.

[men] Go, go, go.

[Tom] Huh? Huh? Yes!

[crowd cheering]

-Let's go.

-[Tom] That is my son.

That is my son!

Hey, Patty, when you sh*t

that thumb out of your a*s,

let's get a little competition

over here, huh?

Might as well call it a half,

m*therf*cker.

-[Tom] Yes!

-Alright, fellas.

Looking good out there.

[Tom] ...with little tiny

caskets at the end of this game.

[Mary] Hi, you guys.

Hey. Hey.

Hello.

Nice to see you, Pat.

How are you?

Great, thanks.

Happy to hear that.

-[Sophie] Hi.

-[Mary] Hi!

[Mary] I knew it.

Didn't I know it? I told you.

-[Mary] I told you.

-[friend] You were right.

Oh my God, let me see the ring.

Let me see it. [gasps]

Let's see it. Oh, it's gorgeous.

-[Tom] Good to see you guys.

-It's gorgeous.

You, what took you so dang long,

mister?

[gasps] Doctor, sorry.

[laughing]

What happened? What did I miss?

Oh, I'm so excited.

-[Sophie] Uh, we got engaged.

-Oh my God. Are you serious?

-Yeah, right. [gasps]

-Yep, yep.

Okay, tell us everything.

So you went to Paris and London?

-How was that?

-Yep.

Uh, it was amazing.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

I met his parents

for the first time.

Yeah. [gasps]

And they loved her.

They were raving about her.

Of course, of course,

they were raving, right?

-Yeah, so.

-What's not to love?

-They're so sweet.

-This woman is amazing.

Who could ever let

this woman go, right?

-You would say so, yeah.

-Like hold on for dear life.

Okay, yeah, so okay, so tell

us, how'd you pop the question?

-Uh, do you wanna tell them?

-No, no, no, you should.

Oh.

Okay, well, uh,

I did it in Paris,

the last night we were there.

-Mm, that's so romantic.

-I had a beautiful day planned.

We started with a boat tour

down the River Seine,

uh, private of course,

just for the three of us--

So right up against Porte de la

Villette, La Cit, all that.

The weather was like perfect.

I mean, it's just incredible.

-Oh, the La Cit is the so--

-Yeah, yeah.

It's lovely.

-It was.

-Isn't that lovely? [chuckles]

And then uh, and then for dinner

we ate at the Jules Verne,

which is a Michelin-starred

restaurant--

Located in the Eiffel Tower.

Right inside the Eiffel--

In the tower?

Just-- you can just look

all over Paris.

[Tom] Guys!

Yeah, and then, oh,

if you ever make it there,

you have to try the venison.

-Oh--

-It's just--

-Okay, we should go.

-Absolutely exquisite.

-We should go. Yeah. Mm.

-Yeah. Unbelievable.

Then we took the trip to the

top of the tower,

and after some pretty heavy

convincing-- [chuckles]

Uh, persuading, groveling--

Stop.

She finally said yes.

-Oh.

-Obviously.

The most romantic story

I've ever heard.

Isn't it? Isn't it?

I doubt it took any persuading

or groveling.

-Well, you could say that.

-I mean, 'cause--

-[laughs]

-I mean, have you seen this guy?

[CJ] Pass to Justin.

Justin. Here, catch.

-[woman 3] Woo!

-[Will] There you go.

[Tom] Come on, Liam.

Yeah. [cheering]

[Tom] Liam,

you gotta stay on it.

Nice shot, Justin.

-Good job, guys.

-Good job, Will.

Yeah, William.

-I go.

-[Zach] Will!

Will. Hey, hey.

Will, get down court.

[Tom] Yes!

[cheering]

Will.

What? Come here!

Excuse me?

Jimmy, sub in for Will.

Oh, yeah, Will.

[Pat] What is this,

a dance recital?

Whatever.

Okay, if you'd rather goof off

than play, you're gonna sit.

Let me guess,

you're gonna have him sit out

-the rest of the game?

-Mom, chill!

I am chill, Will.

I am very chill, considering

how unfairly he treats you.

Oh, really? I'm unfair.

-Yes!

-Oh.

He was just celebrating

our first point in the game.

Yeah, and while he was out

celebrating, our other four guys

had to defend against five guys.

See, that's unfair.

-They're children, Pat.

-Guys.

They were just having fun.

This isn't the NFL.

-NBA.

-NBA.

You know, if y-- if you're

so sure about how things

should be done,

maybe you should coach.

-Excuse me?

-Yeah, you switch with me.

You coach, I'll sit up there

and heckle.

I-- I'm not gonna switch

with you, you weirdo.

Okay, then respectfully,

zip your lip

and let me do my job.

-Whoa, Pat.

-Don't speak to her that way.

You do not speak

to her that way.

You would never speak to Zach

this way.

[Pat] Yeah, that's right,

because my son knows

when it's not cool to goof off.

[cheering, whistling

in background]

Did he just imply

that this is a parenting issue?

He freaking did.

What a freaking scumbag!

You should have just coached the

season like you said you would.

I-- I didn't say I would.

-I said I'd think about it.

-You could have saved us--

You know how busy I get

this time of year.

And Will from this headache.

Hey, what is going

on between you two?

[Mary] What's going on?

What's going on is that he

keeps picking on Will.

-That's what's going on.

-[Pat] Good, good, good.

[Mary] First practice,

and now this.

Honestly, Sophie, honestly,

I have had it with him.

Okay, but there's probably

a better way to handle.

You just talk to him.

I tried. I tried.

I spoke to him before the game,

and you know the only thing

I took away

from our little chat?

Is that he reeks of alcohol

right now.

Reeks!

[cheering, whistling, applause

in background]

-Wait, what?

-Pat smells of alcohol?

[Mary] Yes, I could smell it

on his breath.

Reeks!

-Are you sure?

-[Mary] Yes, I am positive.

I have a very good nose.

I'm sorry, uh,

who smells like alcohol?

-[Mary & Mark] Pat does.

-Is he drunk?

I don't know,

maybe we should ask him.

-Who's drunk?

-[Mary and Mark] Pat.

Okay, everybody,

let's not jump to conclusions.

I'll talk to him.

Be my guest. [sighs]

I need an Ibuprofen.

Thank you, honey.

[playful music playing]

[Tom] Find Liam!

In the post!

[phone vibrating]

Cindy, I can't talk right now.

[Chester on phone] You better

f*cking talk, Patrick.

Where the f*ck are you?

[upbeat music playing]

I'm sorry, who is this?

[Chester on phone] This is Pink

Links, you dumb f*ck.

You booked Cindy through us

last night

for the girlfriend experience,

and you didn't f*cking pay her.

What the f*ck

is up with that sh*t, huh?

Okay, wait, wait, I-- I had her

money, all right? It's just--

[Chester on phone]

Shut up, Patrick,

would you shut the f*ck up.

I don't wanna hear any f*cking

excuses right now.

You need to pay it.

So are you gonna be a good boy

and pay it or no?

Um, no.

I uh, I uh--

[Chester on phone] What, you're

not gonna be a good boy?

I'm in the middle of coaching

right now, all right?

So I-- I can get it to you

tonight, tomorrow, uh,

whenever, but I-- I don't know

exactly right now, okay?

Can you-- can you--

can you call me in an hour?

[Chester on phone] We are not on

your time, Patrick.

You are on our time.

-Our f*cking time.

- [Tom] sh**t it!

[Chester on phone] That is how a

legitimate business works,

and this is a legitimate

business

-that you are dealing with.

- You know what?

-So you need to get your a*s--

- I can't right now.

And-- and if you're such

a legitimate business,

maybe work on

your customer service skills.

'Cause you know what? Honestly,

they're f*cking terrible.

sh**t that, Zach!

[Chester on phone]

f*cking piece of shi...

Go!

[Pat] Uh, time, time.

Come on, fellas, let's go.

Get some water.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You okay?

I'm fine.

[Pat] Well,

don't let that guy get to you.

You know, he--

he's just an as*h*le.

I said I'm fine.

Okay, well, you're doing great

out there, buddy.

Zach, well done.

You look like

a young Shaquille O'Neal.

Hm. Thanks.

Uh, uh, honey, do you want

a snack?

I have a granola bar,

clementine, both.

I'm not hungry.

[Sophie] Honey, you have to eat.

You're gonna get lightheaded

and pass out.

Then maybe you should buy

actual good food.

All you buy is healthy stuff.

I buy good, healthy stuff.

I made you bacon this morning.

[Zach] Turkey bacon, mom.

Can't you just get real bacon?

[chuckles]

Okay, I'll get real bacon.

Dad has actual good food

at his house.

Yeah, that's right.

I got cinnamon rolls.

Cronuts are making a comeback

these days.

Zach, you know,

your mother's right.

Y-- you really should try to

eat something,

because when doing

physical activity,

it's very demanding

on your body,

and if you want

to perform at 100 percent,

you need the proper nutrients--

[claps] Okay, thank you, Jeff,

for that science lesson.

All right, fellas,

back on the court.

Let's fire it up.

-Sorry.

-No, no, it's okay.

You're sweet.

[Justin] Oh, sh*t!

[romantic music playing]

-Ella's here.

-Oh, sh*t.

[]

-[Will] What's up, Ella?

-Hey, Will.

[Will] Do you think I look like

Timothe Chalamet?

[laughing]

-That's a no.

-You don't know about that?

[Tom] All right, get out there.

Let's see some action.

Get on and hit those boards.

[Tom] Oh, we got a regular

Leonardo DiCaprio over here.

Hey, guys, on the court.

Let's go.

You taking notes?

Yeah, take some notes.

[whistle blows]

[claps]

-[man 4] Get down!

-[Tom] Julian, cover!

Hey, could you hold

onto this for him?

-Oh, yep, yep.

-He's gonna get hungry.

Sure thing. He's just a little

anxious, that's all.

-[sniffing]

-Wait, what was--

-[Pat] What were you do--

-[Tom] Nice shot, Jack!

What, do I smell like sh*t

or something?

Why do you smell like alcohol?

I-- I-- I had some guys

from work over last night,

but I'm not drunk right now,

if that's what you're thinking.

No, that's what Mary told me.

She practically announced it.

Now everyone thinks

you're intoxicated.

Well...

...I'm not, okay?

Jesus, it's just ridiculous.

I-- I woke up late, and uh,

I didn't have time

to clean myself.

You told me that your car

wouldn't start, Pat.

Well, yes, yes.

I overslept,

and my car wouldn't start.

You know, it's been

a rough morning, okay?

Just please forgive me.

Okay, well,

maybe don't get drunk the night

before you have a game.

Well, I had like two beers,

so...

[sighs] You know what?

It doesn't matter.

Could you just address

this with her

before it gets worse?

Can-- can--

can you do it, please?

'Cause I just-- I don't wanna

talk to her right now.

No, why should I do it?

You're the one who stinks.

You smell good.

-Yeah.

-Tom!

[takes deep breath]

-Fine. Fine.

-No, no.

I am not gonna be the mediator

the entire season.

-Fine, fine. You know what?

-Mm-hmm.

I will talk to her.

I'll talk to her

when she accepts that Will

isn't some perfect little angel

sent down from heaven.

Yeah, well,

that's not gonna happen, so--

Well, you know,

until she does that,

I'm gonna avoid her

at all costs.

And you know,

it's probably better coming

from you anyway,

considering you're like,

best friends and all.

What? No, we--

Why-- why would you say that?

We're not best friends.

"Oh my God, Sophie,

I'm so happy for you.

Oh, Jeff's so lucky.

You're so perfect.

Oh my God."

Like, shut up!

I mean, I'm literally

standing...

[sniffles]

I need to uh, concentrate

on the game right now.

Okay.

I'm gonna tell 'em that

you're not drunk.

-Thank you.

-[Tom] Yes!

-[Liam] Let's go! Wooh!

-m*therf*cker. Pat?

[Liam] Oh, yeah!

How many dicks do you have

in your a*s right now

that you're getting so f*cked?

Yeah. [scratches]

[Will] Justin, Justin.

-f*ck you!

-[Will] f*ck you, Scott.

Hey, Will, why didn't you invite

him to your birthday party, huh?

Remember, you used to be

best friends.

Mom, shut up!

-Loser.

-Shh, no, no, honey, don't.

What grown man doesn't

clean himself?

-Disgusting.

-It's foul.

Okay, he-- he just woke up late.

He's not drunk,

nothing to worry about.

-Well, could he be hungover?

-He could be hungover.

It's just as appalling.

Can we just please not make

this bigger than it needs to be?

I don't-- I don't think this is

gonna be like a recurring thing.

Okay, well, Mark and I will be

attending practice from now on.

-Mm-hmm.

-Okay.

-Whose mother is that?

-[Tom] Get him! Get him.

[upbeat music playing]

Psst.

Psst.

What the f*ck?

[Tom] Quit standing around,

move.

What are you doing here?

You have to leave.

This is an invasion

of my privacy.

We need to talk.

Can't you tell I'm in the

middle of something here?

Just call a time-out

or something.

I can't call a time-out.

They're in the middle of

a live play.

Time, time!

-Do you know who that is?

-[Pat] Okay, fellas, come on.

-No, I do not.

-[Pat] Uh--

Maybe his girlfriend?

Okay, uh, listen, uh,

I'll be right back, all right?

Uh, Will, you go in for CJ.

No more dancing, right? Come on.

Zach, is that your new mom?

What are you staring at?

Close your mouth.

This is f*cking ridiculous,

Mindy.

My name is Cindy.

I don't know how many times

I have to f*cking say that.

Whatever!

You cannot just show up in the

middle of my f*cking

basketball game, Mindy.

-Cindy.

-Cindy.

-Cindy.

-sh*t, f*ck!

We have to have this

conversation, like right now.

This is a very urgent matter.

Do you think I enjoyed walking

by those children?

-I don't enjoy that.

-We had an agreement, all right?

-Monday.

-I'm sorry, I said Monday.

[Pat] That's how--

the gentleman's agreement--

I was wrong, okay? Sue me.

Can you just stop talking

for one second?

-Which I was gonna do

in good faith.--

-Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh,

okay.

Listen, shut up.

Okay, fine. That's fine.

You don't have to pay it

right now, okay?

But I need to know

when you will,

and it has to be

as soon as possible, like today.

It has to be today,

preferably right

after this f*cking ends, okay?

Do you understand that I am

trying to f*cking help you

-right now?

-Oh.

Where are you going?

We're not done.

One second, sorry!

It's all right, ref,

he's on stupid b*tch time.

[chuckles] Let's go.

-k*ll me.

-[Pat] Here's the thing.

I just had all this sh*t

playing with my son today,

and... [sighs]

All right, this is the best

I can do.

Lay it on me.

After the game,

I'm gonna have lunch

with my son, okay?

We're gonna have lunch.

After that, I wanna take him

to an arcade.

Oh my God.

After the arcade, I'll go

to my bank, withdraw your money,

and then when I get home,

I'll put it in the mailbox.

You can stop by tonight,

pick it up whenever you want.

That's the best I can do.

Is that okay?

Does that-- does that work

for you?

I don't know.

[heels clacking]

Sorry about that.

All right, here we go.

Come on.

[Tom] Get out, get out there.

-Get out there!

-Dad?

-Yeah?

-Who was that?

Uh, somebody from work.

She just needed to know where

some papers were.

Don't worry about it, buddy.

[Tom] How was your date, Patty?

She's cute.

A little lunch and munch

in the parking lot?

Ah, ah, ah! [laughing]

f*ck you, dude.

[Sophie] Pat.

-Who was that?

-Nobody.

[upbeat music playing]

[Chester] So was he in there?

[Cindy] Yeah.

And did you f*cking talk to him?

[Cindy] Mm-hmm.

He said he's gonna put the

money in his mailbox tonight.

So he's not coming

right f*cking now?

No, he's not coming right now.

What do you want me to do?

He's f*cking coaching.

I want you to take

the f*cking money up front.

That's what you should do

first, so we don't end up

in this f*cking situation,

waiting on some shithead

who's f*cking stiffing us.

Okay, well, it's not his fault

that his dog ate it.

It's his f*cking pooch,

isn't it?

Look, he agreed to f*cking pay

today, okay?

So just like, give him

the benefit of the doubt.

Give him the f*cking benefit

of the doubt, huh?

Yeah.

You know what I'm thinking?

No.

I'm thinking I wouldn't mind

watching a little bit

of basketball.

-What?

-[Chester] Since we're here.

Hey, you wanna watch

a little basketball?

I'm down to watch

some basketball.

Let's watch some f*cking

basketball.

Push, push!

Yeah, come on, get off.

-Get off.

-Jack, Jack.

-[grunts]

-Switch, switch, switch.

-Get off.

-[player 1] Do what?

[Liam] sh*t, look.

Jimmy, thanks.

[Fan 1] Go, go, go, go, go!

[thump, thud]

-Hey, that's a foul.

-[Tom] Come on. Yes!

[buzzer rings]

[Tom] That's what

I'm talking about.

Let's go!

How could you not call that?

-[Tom] Was that the best--

-I didn't see it, bro.

-[Justin] You good, Zach?

-[fan 2] Wooh!

My bad, shorty.

[Justin]

Are you f*cking serious?

[Liam- Tom] He was in the way.

That's how you end a half.

You're good,

he's just showing off.

[Tom] That's how you end

a m*therf*cking half.

Good sh*t, Liam.

You okay, buddy?

[Sophie] Zach?

Zach.

Hey, are you okay?

[Zach] Leave me alone.

[sighs]

[Jeff] I'll talk to him.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

-[Tom] Good work, guys.

-Okay.

[Tom] Looking great out there!

Hey, Patty Melt, what do you say

we just call this thing, huh?

Get out of here in time

for bottomless bloodies.

What do you say?

You guys are dominating,

dominating, dominating.

You look incredible out there.

They don't even know

what to do with you.

Tigers, what do we do?

[together] Roar!

[Jeff]

Looking back medical school

was the hardest time in my life.

I was so stressed out

with the homework, the tests,

the pressure,

that I stopped prioritizing

my own health.

Uh, but when I finally started

to take my physical health

seriously, eating more,

maintaining a healthier diet,

my mental health drastically

improved.

You mind if I talk to him?

Just one sec.

And so I'm telling

you this because if you eat

something right now,

I think you will feel

a lot better.

Jeff, can I talk to my son,

please?

You get dinged up?

Oh, he got you in the head, huh?

Yeah.

It doesn't hurt.

[sighs]

These guys are out there

playing like a bunch of animals.

I'm sorry, buddy.

I think I need growth hormones.

What?

I'm too short.

[scoffs] Okay, you don't need

growth hormones.

You-- you're not stunted

or anything.

Mom took me to the doctor.

They said

I'm only gonna be 5'6".

Okay, well, you're gonna

be a short guy.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

Actually, you can--

you can blame me for that.

Sorry, bud.

Just feel like I'm never gonna

get a girlfriend.

[slow music playing]

Did I ever, um...

Did I ever tell you uh,

how your mom and I met?

I don't know.

Well, uh, she was a really

popular girl in high school,

right? Like, the prom queen,

you know, all that jazz.

And uh, I was kind of

the polar opposite.

I mean, I had friends, but uh,

she didn't know who I was.

Anyway, so, um,

one day we get paired up

to do this presentation

on the uh, Vietnam w*r--

No, it was Korean-- no, it was

the Viet-- doesn't matter.

What matters is that, um,

we started to spend

all this time together to work

on it like, uh,

school, coffee shops,

and our houses even.

Uh, we became friends.

And then, next thing you know,

we're girlfriend and boyfriend.

I mean, I wasn't the tallest

guy in school.

I certainly wasn't

the handsomest.

I mean, you're a lot better

looking than I ever was, Zach,

but uh, I think what did--

No, you know what?

I know what did it.

[scoffs]

I could make her laugh, boy.

[chuckles] Like, tons.

And I was really,

really nice to her.

See, the-- the guys she dated,

you know, up to that point,

um, tall guys, handsome guys,

they never really um...

...appreciated her like I did.

But I guess what I'm trying

to get at is um, see,

this doesn't matter.

This is what matters.

That's all you have control of.

But you guys still got divorced.

Yeah, well, um,

it wasn't 'cause I was short.

Let's get back in there.

What do you say? Come on.

-All right.

-Do you have any food?

Oh, no, I think I got something

behind your ear.

-There you go. [laughs]

-Zach, you good?

-f*ck those kids.

-Yeah, f*ck them.

-Sorry, Coach.

-They're a bunch of losers.

They're so annoying.

[Pat] Okay, all right,

enough trash talk.

How much time we got?

Two minutes and 23 seconds.

All right, well, let's just uh,

leave it all out on that court

in this half, fellas.

All right?

Huh, got nothing to lose, right?

But um, get in there,

get those shots up,

but most importantly,

have some fun.

My God, it looks like you're

in a funeral out there.

-'Cause we're getting destroyed.

-[Pat] Doesn't matter.

-Game's not over yet. Let's go.

-Let's go Zach you got this.

[overlapping speech]

-Hey, you okay?

-[Zach] Yeah, I'm fine.

He's finally eating something.

[chuckles]

Yeah, yeah.

He's a little upset um, but

uh, thinks he's too short.

But uh, we had a good talk.

Poor baby, it's a tough age.

[Pat] Yeah. Yeah.

So who was that?

Who?

The pretty blonde.

Uh, oh, no, uh, Cindy?

Mm, no, she's just uh, um,

a little crazy.

I don't know about crazy.

She seemed pissed off.

[laughs]

What'd you do?

I didn't do--

What makes you assume

I did something?

[Sophie] No, I was-- I'm sorry.

It's not, I mean, um--

So-- so is Cindy like a--

like a girlfriend or--

Mm.

Um, y-- yeah.

Yeah? [laughs]

Yeah, it's like--

I mean, whatever.

Well, it's not--

it's not whatever.

It's great. It--

Has Zach met her?

No, no, we've only been going

out for a coup--

a couple of--

well, like a month,

just a month, you know?

I mean, I-- I'm not gonna

marry her or anything,

is what I'm saying.

Mm-hmm.

[Pat] So yeah.

Uh, I'm-- I'm just glad to hear

that you're dating again.

I have been, quite a bit.

A lot actually.

[Sophie] Okay.

[chuckles]

Cool. [laughing]

Hot commodity.

Okay, okay.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna--

-[Pat] All right.

-Yeah.

[Sophie] Yeah, Pat.

Hey, y'all, we're about to get

started soon.

Hey, Coach, we're about to get

started soon.

Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music playing]

[metal clinking]

-Patrick?

-Yeah. [grunting]

Oh, f*ck! What the f*ck?

[grunting]

[Chester] Shut up.

Do you feel stupid now, huh,

Patrick?

Not paying a legitimate business

when you're supposed to.

All right, this is

what f*cking happens, Patrick.

[Pat, muffled]

This is kidnapping!

...it's kidnapping... [panting]

f*ck. [grunting]

-What the f*ck?

-No, no, no.

Come on. Come on, will ya?

Come on, as*h*le.

Oh f*ck, oh f*ck, oh!

f*ck!

[muffled screaming]

Dude, are you f*cking kidding me

right now?

A thank you would be

f*cking nice.

[Pat] No!

Yo, have y'all seen our coach?

I think he went to the bathroom.

Yeah, he's probably sh1tting

himself in there.

[laughing]

Funny.

Can one of y'all gonna get him?

We gotta get started right now.

-Not it.

-[Player] Not it.

[Aaron] f*cking lame-a*s kids,

man.

What's your problem?

Jeez, I was just joking.

God!

Pat?

[knocking]

[person coughing]

[Sophie] Pat!

Hey, if you're in here,

they wanna get started.

[person coughing]

[Pat on voicemail] Hey, what's

up? It's Pat Nelson. Uh, I'm-

[Mary] Marky, do you think that

was [indistinct speech]

Actually, no, f*ck it.

[indistinct speech]

Hey, I uh, I don't know where

he is.

He wasn't out there?

No, but he'll be back.

Can we just give him

another minute?

One minute, five minutes, sh*t,

go ahead.

Y'all love wasting my time.

[Mary] I mean... [scoffs]

This is just... [laughs]

It's just un--

it's unbelievable.

He just left?

-He just left the game.

-No, he didn't leave the game.

His car's still

in the parking lot.

Oh, well, maybe he walked

to the bar down the street.

I think it just opened.

Mary, really?

Do you think that's appropriate?

Okay, so where is he?

[muffled shouting]

What are you doing, man?

-Come on!

-Shut the f*ck up.

[Pat] Come on!

[muffled shouting]

-[Cindy] Oh, f*cking Jesus.

-[Chester] f*ck.

Shut up!

[muffled groaning]

You make one more sound,

and I am gonna have Bron shove

a 12-inch dildo up your a*s.

[muffled shouting]

So here's what we're gonna do,

Patrick.

You're gonna pay us the 1,500

that you owe us, plus interest.

Oh, oh, come on, man.

2,000?

That sound fair, Patrick?

You piece of sh*t!

Good.

[grunts]

Yo, kid,

what's the f*cking holdup?

You kidding me with this sh*t?

Nobody knows where the coach is.

Well, let's get a move on.

My guys are getting cold.

And I got a date in an hour.

I still gotta get showered,

and changed, and sh*t.

Oh, you got a date?

Yeah, I do, and she's a freak,

so I don't wanna be late.

-Let me see a picture.

-Of the girl?

No, of your mother, you idiot.

Yes, the girl!

[sighs]

That's her with her

sorority sisters.

She the one on the left

with all that cake.

I feel like you an a*s guy, too.

You know, that's funny, 'cause--

The f*ck wrong with you?

Do your f*cking job,

go find another adult,

and get them to stand in

as coach.

All right, damn, you had to

yeet my phone like that, bro.

[Tom] I did yeet it!

[sighs]

Hey, uh, excuse me?

Well, hello, handsome.

-What's up, shorty?

-[laughing] Hi.

-Oh, my bad, OG, she with you?

-Oh, it's fine.

S-- so it's unclear as where

your coach is, right?

No one knows where he's at?

That is correct.

Okay, so I need a coach to

start this game back up

per league policy, so uh--

-We have Marky. Go.

-Any takers?

-[Mary] Marky, go, go.

-[Mark] I'm eating.

Can't we just wait like,

five minutes?

-[Mary] Don't be a coward. Go!

-No, I've just--

I can step in.

Jeff's got it.

Well, you gonna sit there

or you gonna get your a*s up?

[tires screeching]

[car doors open, shut]

Come on, Patrick.

[laughing]

It's time to pay.

[machine clanks]

Hurry up, Patrick.

-2,000.

-[Bron] Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, you're shaking, Patrick.

[laughing]

You want Bron to tickle

your back?

Would that make you feel better,

huh?

[laughing]

You know, I don't f*cking

get you, Patrick.

I mean, here you had

this beautiful girl with you,

and all you wanted

was your back tickled.

What a f*cking weirdo.

f*cking weirdo.

[flicking notes]

-What the f*ck is this?

-That's the maximum amount.

-What?

-It's the maximum amount.

[Pat] That's all I could get.

I don't...

[sighs]

All right.

Well, let's go to his bank then.

No, wait, wait, I have to--

No. I have to get back.

I have to get back.

I have to get back.

I have to get back.

-Somebody help me!

-Shut the f*ck up.

What the f*ck is going on?

f*cking $1,000.

That's his maximum.

Okay, well, 900 is your guys'

cut anyway, right?

-Yeah.

-So you guys have your money.

Just let him go.

Well, what about you?

He can pay me later.

It's fine.

[siren wailing in background]

[laughing]

What a sweetheart, huh?

Such a sweetheart.

Well, it was pleasure doing

business with you, Patrick.

You still have to get me mine

on Monday, okay?

Wait, can you give me a ride

back to the school?

-I just--

-I'm so sorry about this.

[Pat] No, really, I-- it--

[Chester] Adios, f*ck!

[indistinct speech] Goddammit.

[Jeff] Hello, gentlemen.

[Will] Hello, guv'nor.

So for those of you who don't

know me, my name is Jeffrey

and I'm Zach's stepfather.

Soon to be, that is.

-[sniggers]

-What do you even do?

Uh, I'm a gastroenterologist.

Gastro what now?

I'm a doctor who specializes

in the digestive system.

So you're a poop doctor?

Well, uh, healthy poop

is very important,

but I'm not a poo doctor,

per se.

So you look at booty holes

all day.

[laughing]

Any other questions

before we get started?

Do you even know anything

about basketball?

Yeah, um, let's see.

I, I know who Michael Jordan is.

Um, then there's uh,

LeBron James,

and Patrick Mahomes.

-God, we're screwed.

-[players] Oh.

No wait, that's um,

that's not football. That's--

Yo, let's get f*cking going.

Wait, uh, can we wait a couple

more minutes?

Bruh, fine,

one more f*cking minute.

Bro, f*ck this. Oh!

God, the amount of swearing

I dare.

-f*cking hell.

-Welcome to America.

[panting]

f*ck!

[thud, car alarm goes off]

The f*ck are you looking at?

Can you have him call me back,

please?

It's quite urgent.

Uh-huh, I'll be awaiting his--

[scoffs]

Well, the basketball director

is on lunch.

[scoffs]

[sighs] Do you think I'm doing

the right thing, don't you?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, he's done more than

enough to warrant a report.

I don't just wanna report him.

I would ideally like him gone.

Absolutely,

a best-case scenario,

but in the meantime,

Jeff seems more than happy

to take on the position.

Jeff is a doctor, Mark.

He doesn't have time.

-It should be you.

-I don't have time.

You know how busy I get

during tax season.

Oh, but you have time to play

Call of Duty

for three hours every day?

Give me a break.

You know that's the way I like

to decompress.

Well, maybe you should try

working out

or going to yoga with me.

You always say you're gonna go

to yoga with me

and then you never go to yoga

with me, kind of like how

you say that you're gonna coach

every single year,--

Jesus fricking Christ.

What?

[gasps] Oh my God!

[vomiting]

Oh, f*ck! Oh, f*ck.

[panting]

Um, excuse me, you don't think

we just saw that?

Mark, stop him.

[blows whistle]

One minute is up, let's go.

Okay, well, that was loud.

-Okay.

-[Pat] Wait! Hold on.

-You're done.

-[Pat] Get out of the way.

-You are done, bucko.

-Get out of my way!

-This is unacceptable, Pat.

-[Jeff] What's going on, guys?

-Unacceptable.

-Just stay off my f*cking back.

-Everything all right?

-Don't speak to her that way.

You too, p*nsy-a*s.

[Sophie] Hey, whoa, whoa,

what is going on?

Why are you wet?

We just saw him vomit right

in front of the school.

[scoffs] Pat the puker.

[sighs] Pat, did you puke?

Yeah, but I'm fine.

Thanks for standing in.

I'll take over from here.

You will not take

over from here.

We just saw him vomit right

in front of the school.

Mary, everyone heard you.

Let's talk about this outside,

come on.

Well, maybe they should hear.

I mean, this is their coach,

right?

Their role model, after all.

Seriously, showing up hungover,

freaking not cool.

Maybe he's drunk, we don't know.

Maybe we should have him

breathalyzed.

Pat, Pat,

if you're feeling poorly,

maybe it's best for you to

take it easy.

I'm fine, I'm okay.

It's nothing, I'm fine.

I said, I'm fine.

I'm f*cking fine.

You're not gonna replace me.

-Pat.

-Pat, it's nothing personal.

You're not gonna f*cking replace

me, Jeff. You understand?

You're not gonna

f*cking replace me.

"Oh, I'm Jeff.

I'm so rich.

I go on private boat tours

and I fly to Paris.

I'm so much better than

everybody else,

so much better than Pat."

Well, let me tell

you something, you're not.

You're not better than me.

More successful than me maybe,

but you're never gonna be

a better dad than me,

no matter how hard

you f*cking try.

Hey, hey.

[Tom clapping]

I mean, bravo.

f*cking sad, but bravo.

I'm-- I'm...

I'm-- I'm sorry.

[board clatters]

[Tom] See you later, Patty Melt.

It was fun while it lasted.

I think, uh, someone needs

to see Dr. Zuckerman.

[Sophie] Excuse me.

[groaning]

-Sorry. Excuse me.

-[Sam groans]

[door opens, shuts]

[Pat sniffles]

[Sophie] Hey!

What the hell was that about?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, uh,

that wasn't uh...

I don't know why I said

all that stuff.

He didn't--

he didn't do anything.

I'm uh, not doing well

right now, like today.

I mean, I actually haven't

been doing well

for a while now,

but it-- it doesn't matter.

You can-- you can go back in,

all right?

This is my problem, all right?

Seriously, Sophie,

you can go back in, all right?

You don't have to worry about

me anymore.

For real, just go back in.

I mean, you're doing well.

You're doing really great.

You got a lot going

for yourself, you know?

And I-- I got nothing,

but that's fine,

because you're happy,

and I'm-- I'm--

I'm happy for you, genuinely.

'Cause you're not unhappy

anymore,

like those last couple of years

with me,

and I know that was my fault.

[sighs]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,

I shouldn't be telling you this,

but uh...

[takes deep breath]

I feel like this is it for me.

You know? Like I'm gonna be this

sad, lonely sack of sh*t

for the rest of my life.

I mean, no one's gonna wanna...

[sniffles]

Nobody's gonna wanna date me.

Who's gonna wanna date this?

Nobody.

And I lied.

I lied.

I haven't been seeing anybody.

That woman in there earlier,

she was a hook-- uh,

sex worker, and uh...

[scoffs]

I just got abducted by her boss,

because my dog ate her money.

That really happened.

They left me at the ATM.

I ran all the way back here

and I've not run that hard,

that fast, since like

f*cking middle school.

Now my body...

[pants]

It really hates me.

[sniffles] It's just that uh,

...this is all I have.

You know, coaching my little

boy in there.

I felt like I had something,

you know, for like a second.

Like I was cool, you know?

I was a cool dad.

And I just f*cked it all up,

oh, like I f*ck everything up.

Sorry, um,

don't mean to intrude,

but can I talk

to you for a second?

What's up?

It's just,

we have a slight problem.

I... [scoffs]

Would you mind coming back in?

I-- I don't know what to do.

Um, yeah, sure, yeah.

[Jeff] Thanks.

Don't go anywhere, okay.

I just, I can't.

Boys, Jeff is a wonderful man.

He will make a terrific coach

for now.

I don't wanna play

with this guy.

He doesn't know anything

about the game.

And I'm not playing if Justin's

not playing.

Yeah, same. Justin's the best

guy on the team.

Why can't Coach P just coach?

Well, Justin,

because he's unwell.

He said he was fine.

[Aaron]

Okay, if nobody wants to play,

we gotta call a forfeit,

which is totally fine with me.

I get paid either way,

but we gotta make a decision,

like right now.

-How old are you?

-Old enough.

[Tom] Hey, hi.

Can we maybe get this started,

for the love of God?

Just one second.

Where are you going?

Where is she going?

[engine running]

Pat!

Hey, stop!

[tires screech]

What did you just do to my car?

It's a Clementine. Relax.

Look, they wanna forfeit, okay?

The kids wanna forfeit.

What are you talking about?

They-- they refuse to play

unless you coach them.

Okay, well, that's really sweet,

but the damage is done, alright?

It's time for me to go take

a shower or something.

[Sophie]

You didn't do any damage, Pat.

People break.

Okay, there's nothing wrong...

[exhaling]

Look, I-- I-- I'm sorry

that this has been

a hard time for you.

I-- it-- it's been

a lot of change.

I get it.

Zach wants you to coach.

What about the parents?

I'll handle them.

Just pull yourself together

and finish this game.

[exhales]

[door shuts]

[background chatter]

Coach P is back.

Sophie, what's going on?

-Pat's gonna finish the game.

-[Mary] Oh--

-That's what's going on.

-[Mary] Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

absolutely not!

Mary, would you rather us

forfeit?

-Is that what you want?

-Yes.

Yes, I think that's best.

I will be speaking with the

athletic association

later on today, which will

result in his termination,

at which time I will lead

the charge in finding

a replacement,

because I will not allow an

unfit man to coach our children.

-Mary, shut up!

-[gasping]

Just shut up.

[gasps] Sophie.

He's not unfit to coach.

Just give him a f*cking break.

He wants to coach.

The kids clearly want him to,

so let him.

Does everyone wanna play?

[players] Yes!

Let him coach.

[chanting]

Let him coach.

Let him coach!

Let him coach!

Let him coach!

Let him coach!

Let him coach!

-[Tom] Hey!

-[player] Let him coach!

Put your ba*ls back

in your pants--

And let's wrap up this o*gy

fest and play

some f*cking basketball!

Fine.

Come on, let's go, Will.

-We're leaving.

-I don't wanna go.

Will, let's go.

-No.

-Will!

Mary, stop.

You're so embarrassing.

[exhales]

I promise you, this is the last

game you'll ever coach.

You're a terrible, oh,

f*cking person!

[pants]

[Aaron] Bruh.

All right, we good?

-Everybody good?

-[players] Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Can we play? Great, sweet.

Sophie?

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Uh, hey, um, can I get uh,

30 seconds?

Bro, I got a date in literally

less than an hour.

I got a real shot at getting

laid here, man.

Okay, just 30 seconds.

What up, fellas?

-Hello. What's up, Coach P?

-Sorry that happened.

Yeah, sorry about my mom.

She's a f*cking lunatic.

Yeah, yeah, she kinda is,

isn't she?

All right, let's--

let's bring it in, huh?

[clearing throat]

Okay, uh...

Uh, all right, uh,

here's the deal,

everybody's watching this game

right now, saying,

"Oh, this sh*t's over with.

These guys don't stand

a chance."

But I'm gonna let you in

on a little secret.

See, right now might be the most

freedom you're ever gonna have,

because when you're down

by this much,

you got nothing to lose.

When you're down a-- and nobody

expects a damn thing from you,

oh, fellas, you can really

surprise some people.

So let's walk out there

with some swag and take

this damn game back.

-What do you say?

-[players] Yeah!

[Pat] All right, hands in the

middle.

[Justin] Let's go.

You got one half to sprint

everywhere you go.

You dive for that ball.

You set your feet in stone

when you set a pick.

You take charge.

They are not ready

for that energy.

Let's go, Knights on three:

1, 2, 3!

[together] Knights!

I feel so stupid. [sobbing]

Oh no, honey,

you are not stupid.

You are a strong, independent,

beautiful woman,

and men like him, misogynistic,

narcissistic,

frickin' scumbag as*h*le's,

they're scared of you.

They're intimidated by you,

but I'm not.

I love that about you.

I just, I-- I just want the

best for him.

[sniffling]

I try to be a good mother.

He's just embarrassed by me.

[sobbing]

I wanna go.

I wanna leave.

I don't wanna be here anymore.

If we leave, he wins.

We don't want that, do we?

No, no, no, you're right.

You're right. [sobs]

[take deep breaths]

There we go.

You're the only one

who understands me, Marky.

[sobs]

I know.

And don't worry, after the

game,

I'll burn

his frickin' house down.

[whistles]

[upbeat music playing]

[Pat] Get on him, Will.

Come on, Justin, stay on him.

Good, there you go.

There you go.

Will's open.

Yeah, Will's open!

[cheering]

All right, there we are.

That's what I'm talking about.

[indistinct shouting]

[Tom] Okay. Good on you.

All right, come on!

-[Pat] Come on.

-[Tom] Nice.

[crowd cheering]

That is my son.

That's my son.

Slow it down, slow it down.

Slow it down now. Come on now.

Like we practiced, now, come on!

[Tom] Why did you move, as*h*le?

[Sophie] Come on, buddy.

-[Pat] Come on, come on.

-Let's go!

[clapping]

That's what I'm talking about.

[indistinct speech]

-Oh.

-Good steal.

[Tom] Pick it up, go, go.

Oh, God.

Yes, yes!

Now we're cooking with sauce.

Now we're cooking with sauce!

[crowd cheering]

Oh, Justin.

Yes!

[Pat] Oh, bro.

What the hell?

[Aaron] No squad, bullshit.

[Tom] Get on him.

Throw it down, fellas.

Get on him, hey!

Yes, Jimmy!

Oh, there it is!

Come on, Liam.

Get the ball away from him.

-[Pat] There you go.

-[Tom] The little kid has it.

[Pat] Come on, Sam.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, come on!

That's good.

Good hustle, good hustle.

You know you're supposed to get

the ball in the basket, right?

[Pat] There you go, good job.

Good job, Justin.

[crowd cheering]

[Tom] Yeah. Get on it, Liam.

Yes! Eat sh*t!

What is going on, guys?

[Pat] Huddle up

[indistinct speech].

[Tom] Damn it!

Yeah!

Do you want me to put him back,

son?

'Cause I'll put him back in.

[crowd cheering]

What is happening right now?

Hey, Patty, shut up.

Yeah, there you go, Zach.

There you go.

CJ, go. Come on, now.

-[Tom] Get on it.

-[Pat] There it is. Make it, CJ.

[crowd cheering]

Liam, what the f*ck?

[Pat] Fellas, careful.

Yeah, yeah!

Come on, Justin.

That's our VIP.

[crowd cheering]

Time-out, time-out.

Bring it in. Bring it in!

Hey, looks like daddy's mad,

b*tch.

-[Liam] What'd you say?

-You heard me.

What'd you just say, dickhead?

Oh, your breath smells

like sh*t.

-Oh!

-[thud]

-[gasp]

-Hey, William!

You're f*cking dead.

I'm gonna k*ll you.

[crowd shouting]

Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Will] You b*tch!

Patty Melt, control your kids,

man.

This is not an MMA fight.

Your guys have been doing this

to us the whole g*dd*mn game.

Oh, some energy out of you, huh?

-Finally.

-[Mary] Oh my God.

Oh God, you're bleeding.

You're bleeding.

He's bleeding, honey.

[woman 4] Mary!

Your son is an animal.

Your son's the animal.

He started it.

Your son could have just k*lled

my son.

He should be put in juvenile

detention for this.

You should be in juvenile

detention for trying to deduct

your hair plugs, Barry!

You stay out of this, Mark.

Shouldn't you be doing my taxes

right now?

Yeah, go frig, go frig yourself,

you mother-frigger!

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Go back to your f*cking seats!

Eat my beef stick!

All right, oh,

hey, hey, hey, hey.

-[Pat] You guys, just--

-Wow.

Sit down, all right?

Just sit down.

It's gonna be okay,

I got a Band-Aid.

I'm gonna give it to him.

He's a big boy.

It's okay.

All right.

You guys are looking

so good out there.

You're looking really good

out there.

You're turning

this thing around.

We keep this up, we might

actually have a chance

of winning this thing.

Shape it up!

Shape it up out there,

'cause all I'm seeing right now

is a lot of weakness.

If I see any more weakness,

I swear to God,

I will have an Amber Alert out

on all of you

by the end of this game.

Now, get up and get out there

and start making

some frigging shots.

Now!

You, what's wrong with you?

You look like sh*t out there.

My stomach hurts.

How much creatine did you take?

10 grams.

Jesus Christ.

Anybody have a um, a Pepto

or a-- or a--

a Alka-Seltzer or something?

[sighs]

Do you think some college scout

is gonna give a sh*t

about a little bellyache?

They're not!

Mental toughness.

Mental toughness.

Get the f*ck out there.

[soft music playing]

Sorry, Coach P.

Ah, it's okay, buddy.

You're not the only guilty

party out there.

Now I know never to mess

with you, jeez.

[chuckle]

[munches]

Wooh! [laughing]

Liam, where's your pretty dress?

[Pat] All right,

here you go, Will.

[crowd cheering]

If you get a chance,

you can hit Will.

[cheering]

[Pat] Come on, kiddo.

There you go.

There it is.

[Tom] Get him!

I f*cking hate that kid.

Yeah!

[crowd cheering]

Liam, you suck.

[crowd cheering]

-[Pat] Yeah!

-[CJ] Yeah!

[Pat] Go, CJ.

Liam,

you're embarrassing yourself,

and more important,

you're embarrassing me.

Here, here.

Give me the ball.

[Pat] All right, stay with him.

Stay with him.

Stay on him. Stay on him.

Stay on him.

[whistle blows]

Time. Time-out.

[Tom] Liam!

The f*ck?

Son, that was pathetic.

How does that even happen?

You are blowing this game, okay?

You have no mental toughness

whatsoever.

No mental toughness!

Well, don't just stand there,

get over here.

Get over here.

Where are you going?

Oh. [grunts]

-Okay.

-[Will] p*ssy. [laughing]

All right, all right,

we're down by one, right?

That's it. 15 seconds, just need

one more bucket, so here's

-what we're gonna do.

-[Will] All right.

Zach, you inbound to CJ.

Jimmy, you set up

at the left elbow.

CJ, get the ball to him,

flash to the basket,

yell for the ball.

Justin, you set up

at the opposite elbow,

and then Jimmy,

you're gonna ball fake hard

to CJ, but get it to Justin.

Justin's gonna take

our last shot.

All right?

Just one more.

Knights on three:

1, 2, 3.

[together] Knights!

[whistle blows]

[Pat] There we are.

There we go, there we go,

there we go!

Come on now, guys.

-[Pat] Watch the ball, fellas.

-Ball, ball, ball, ball!

[Pat] Come on, man,

five seconds.

Somebody put it up there.

Let's go!

[Tom] What the f*ck is wrong

with you people?

Get on him!

sh**t it!

Holy f*ck!

[cheering]

Oh God!

Are you f*cking kidding me?

[cheering]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Let's just put AMBER Alerts

out on all of you.

[Pat] That actually happened.

Get over here.

So proud of you.

Incredible shot.

-[players] MVP.

-[Pat] Incredible shot.

[players] MVP! MVP!

-[cheering]

-[players] MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP!

[laughs]

[players] MVP!

[muffled speech]

-[grunts]

-[Justin] Oh sh*t!

Who's the winner now,

m*therf*cker?

Dad!

What the f*ck?

Ah, is your head made

out of rock?

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

He's faking. He's fine.

He's being a little p*ssy.

Patty the p*ssy,

that was the other nickname

I had for him in high school.

Oh!

Oh, oh, you got the head, too.

[slow music playing]

[groans]

[animal sounds]

[]

[Tom] Oh, care-- ah, ah, ah, oh,

my nuts.

My f*cking nuts!

Oh my God,

my happy sack,

it's damaged beyond repair.

Liam, you're probably gonna be

my only child

and I did want a second one,

one that wins.

You think you're gonna press

charges, Coach P?

No, no, I'd say he already got

what he deserved.

[Justin] It was so sick.

Yeah, you obliterated his p*nis.

Yeah, nice shot.

That was awsome.

Thanks, guys.

All right, fellas, thanks for

sticking around,

but go home,

get some rest.

I'll see you at practice

on Tuesday, right?

-[Will] Mm-hmm.

-Good game.

[Justin] Thank you, Coach P.

Hope you get better.

-Thanks, Coach.

-[Pat] All right, see you.

-Bye, Coach P.

-That's all right, man.

-Go. See you.

-[CJ] Yeah.

Pat?

-[Pat] Hmm?

-[Sophie] Hmm?

I did a little reflecting,

and I decided that I will not

be reporting you to

the Athletic Association.

Okay.

But if it's all right with you,

I will be attending practice

on Tuesday.

Be my guest.

Hey, can I just have a second?

Sure.

Let's go, Zach.

[chuckles]

How's your nose?

It's-- it's fine.

You might wanna get that

checked out.

It could be broken.

Okay, well, if it was broken,

could I do this?

[snorts]

Oh, g*dd*mn it.

[snorts]

Mine's better, and you don't

have to move your nose.

[exhales]

That's why I fell in love

with you.

[laughs]

What a f*cking as*h*le.

Why-- why are people

such assholes?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You know, I-- I wanna thank you

for having my back today.

I really appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Um, I remember when Zach picked

out that shirt

for you for your 40th.

Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.

[chuckles]

I know that there's nothing

that I can really say to make

you feel better about things,

um, but I've--

I've always thought--

I-- I-- I still think that

you're a really great dad

and Zach, you know Zach thinks

that, too, right?

[exhales]

Uh, thanks.

Well, it seems like

you might need a reminder.

[chuckles]

Uh, we should probably get out

of this f*cking gym, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

[zips bag]

-[Sophie] Hey. Yeah.

-Ready to go?

Hey, Jeff, can I have

a quick sec?

I am so sorry about that stuff

I said.

That wasn't, uh--

I didn't mean--

You know, Pat,

it's quite all right.

No need to apologize.

Make sure to ice it

when you get home.

That was a fun match.

-[chuckles]

-[kids laugh]

[Sophie] Zach, bye!

-[Jeff] Bye, Zachy.

-[Sophie] We'll see you Tuesday.

-[Sophie] I love you.

-[Jeff] See you.

-See you at school.

-Bye, see you.

[Ella] Bye.

[Pat] Who was that?

-Just a girl from school.

-Yeah, what'd she say?

What are you so smiley for?

She called me a "short king".

Short king, like Napoleon?

What's she mean like

a short king?

[Zach] It's a compliment.

[Pat grunts]

But why not just a king?

Like uh, why can't you just

be a king?

[Zach] I don't know.

Can we get lunch?

Yeah, sure.

[upbeat music playing]

[Zach]

Who are we playing next week?

[Pat] Oh, God.

We're all just the same as

the suits we blame

We're all just the same as

the suits we shame

We're all just the same

I like uh, you know,

seeing different people,

trying out different...

[sighs]

fish in the sea.

Maybe less a*s and f*ck

during the game, yeah?

I don't care if he's on lunch

right now, our coach is drunk!

Hello?

It's all right, ref.

He lost his watch fisting

his own as*h*le. [laughs]

Zach, well done.

You look like

a young Michael Jackson.

Go frig, frig yourself! Frigger.

[Pat] Okay, I can buy you dinner

if you want.

-[sighs] Good, good.

-[Pat] Whatever you want.

I don't like chicken,

but everything else is fine.

[Chester] And all you wanted was

your back tickled.

It's kind of f*cking sad

actually.

I mean, it probably would've

been cheaper if you'd just

gone to your mom's house.

-[Zach] It's not even funny.

-It is, though. Look at you.

You have the exact same face

and the haircut as--

as Justin Bieber.

No, I-- I do not look like

Justin.

Yes, you do.

We're all just the same as

the suits we blame

We're all just the same

as the suits we shame

We're all just the same

The whip cracks in your ear,

but you choose to stay

Right here

We're all just the same

as the suits we blame

We're all just the same as

the suits we shame

We're all just the same as

the suits we blame

We're all just the same as

the suits we shame

We're all just the same

[upbeat music playing]

Catch me riding through

your city with the high beams

Uh, tank is low,

but that won't stop me

Stop me

I'll be here for you only

if they don't stop me

Stop me

Red light running, man

Tires screeching up the block

like it was hobby, uh

Body drops, the soul sliding

Hit the gas and hope the

lights don't try to stop these

Red dots gunning me

Runner up fast on the dash,

feeling last, it's rolling

Singing the blues,

what's the news?

Somebody, body drop

Oh, what's the word

in a blur?

f*ck what you heard,

I'm word

I'm serving the world

with the remedy, the drug

Code switching,

get it how we living

Bet you m*therf*ckers

feel it

Sandwich bags ripped

up on the floor, uh

Caddy backseat, her boots

was hanging out the window

And indoor smoking

while she get low

Jumping out the back just to

catch the stain

I can tell by the mental,

pop a pill like a Mento

Riding through the city

with the high beams on

Find me playing hide and seek

with the cops

Cop another bag, double up

the front the block

Weight heavy

on the shoulder

Thinking about

all of the losses

f*ck it, give me

what you got