02x05 - Forgive Me Father

[bunniefuu]

- [Ellen] Previously...
- [arrow whooshes]

[grunts]

- Leoch is still your home.
- No, Colum.

My home is with the
man you couldn't k*ll.

[groans]

Since my wife believes the Fair Folk
marked ye I'll be damned if I harm you.

Don't make me regret this, Sassenach.

Henry's here. Oh Davina, he came back.

- You thought Seema was me?
- What can I do?

The Henry I knew before the stones,
find him again.

Lovat's taken Inverness for the crown.

We ride south,
join Mar's forces at Perth.

Does a bladier have to go to w*r?

This one does.

You'll march with us when
we join Argyll's forces.

My sword is pledged to the Stuarts.

After this w*r, we will
settle what is between us.

I have lost one sister.

We leave at first light.

- You made this?
- This morning.

You wrote first last time.
Now it's my turn.

[Ellen] Before I left Leoch,

I made a promise to Maura
to bring Dougal home.

[Janet] It's not only the men w*r takes.

I swear I'll bring him home,
hale, and whole.

[Janet] Wives, mothers.

It hollows out what's left.

[dramatic music plays]

I've never stood here without
thinking how you must judge me.

How slight I must look.

Scrabbling to hold together
what my father left.

[thunder rumbles]

I have gave everything

this family asked of me.

My body.

My conscience.

My sister.

[somber music playing]

Lord, forgive me.

I thought if I bore it all,

if I let them call me cruel,
I could keep them safe.

And all I've done is lead them to ruin.

Was that your lesson?

That a man's love is worth nothing

if he canna draw blood to prove it?

Or was that my father's lesson?

Are you listening, old man?

Eh?

You who left me this
wreck of a name to carry,

this name which has k*lled more of us

than any sword ever could?

[crying] And you carved
me in your likeness.

A man who could lead...

...but never love...

...without...

measuring the cost.

If you've any mercy left for me,

forgive what I've done in your name.

[foreboding music playing]

Forgive what I'll do still.

[dramatic music playing]

♪ Long the way ♪

♪ O'er the bridge I crossed ♪

♪ For my love ♪

♪ For my love that's lost ♪

♪ By the brae ♪

♪ In the verdant moss ♪

♪ Where I watch Where I wait ♪

♪ For my love that's lost ♪

♪ Hi a bho ♪

♪ Hoireann eile o ♪

♪ Hi a bho ♪

♪ Fair a leo fair a lè ♪

♪ Hi a bho ♪

♪ Hoireann eile o ♪

♪ 'S tu mo run 'S tu mo ghràdh ♪

♪ Agus m' eudail o ♪

[birds chirping]

Seema.

Where is my son?

He's safe asleep.

And Davina?

Don't worry.

She won't be disturbing us either.

You've not slept.

You can if you want.

I won't move.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

For me to close my eyes,
let you slip out into the dark?

You've locked the door.

I've nowhere to go, no one to call upon.

I'd like you to rest.

You have been carrying this,
all of this, for too long.

You think you're better than me
because you bore his children.

But he will come to me.

You are mad if you believe he
would ever look at you again.

I think it will make him see me!

[soft dramatic music playing]

And once you're gone,

there's nothing left
to stand in the way.

[wind whooshing]

I've never seen an army before.

I've never heard men sing about dying

or laugh like it was nothing at all.

They laugh because the fear would
swallow them whole if they didn't.

What frightens you more?

That John Cameron lives

or that Murtagh Fraser doesn't?

I don't even know if...

Murtagh feels the same.

I've seen Murtagh gaze upon you, Grace.

Like a man puzzling out a
riddle he means to solve.

But when he thinks no one sees him,

it's the same way Brian looks upon me.

[soft music playing]

When he's near, it's...

as though he can feel my
heart beating in my chest.

But...

when John Cameron stares,

it's...

as if I'm no more than a plate
of pudding he means to eat.

It's never simple.

Not when the world expects
you to know your place.

And when your place is the first
thing God decides for you,

doesn't stop your heart from
wanting what it can't have.

[birds chirping]

Sometimes, the heart decides for you.

The way you ride,

how you...

hold yourself...

You're very observant, Grace.

I don't judge you, M'lady.

Brian's the only one whose
judgment matters to me.

And he's welcomed this child

with his whole heart.

And if he doesn't come home,

what becomes of you and the child?

Forgive me, M'lady. I-I forget myself.

You name what could be.

I would rather leave it
unspoken than give it life.

It'll be dark soon.

We should sleep.

[wolf croons]

[birds chittering]

[distant cannon shots booming]

They're testing the range.

Aye.

Willna be long now.

Ye've the look of a man
wishing himself anywhere else.

Ye have the same.

Aye.

There's a thousand better
mornings than this one.

[distant expl*si*n]

But none where I'd not stand here,

with you at my side.

Your father'll call you a fool
to his dying day for being here.

[chuckles]

He's called me worse already.

[distant cannons booming]

If I fall,

- if this is...
- If it's the day...

I'll see her safe.

And the bairn.

[tender music playing]

To my last breath, Brian.

You have my word.

God grant we go together so
she can scold us both proper.

[chuckles]

You think that would be the worst of it.

[distant cannon booms]

'Tis a hard thing

when your heart's no longer your own.

Thought I'd be wiser for watching you.

[distant cannon booms]

[fuse fizzles]

- [cannon booming]
- [tires rattle]

[explosions]

[indistinct loud chatter]

[horse neighs]

How was it then?

How was what?

Murdina, she's...

certain, near enough.

Says that when you vanished,

it was the Fair Folk that took you.

[indistinct chatter]

It felt like falling through
every memory I've ever held.

And knowing that if I reach
the end of that fall,

I would find her there.

Your wife?

My daughter.

Claire.

The faeries, they tried
to take her from me.

Not her life,

but her memory.

Did they?

They tried.

But when I found my wife,
she gave her back to me.

[Arch Bug] Murdina says the
Fair Folk mark the heart

before they ever take the body.

If that's true, then they marked
mine the day that Claire was born.

[soft music playing]

And nothing's ever been the same since.

[w*r drums thumping]

[birds chirping]

[door clicks]

I keep thinking.

If I'd asked her to stay with me
that night, she'd still be with us.

[Colum] When I was a bairn,

I thought Janet the weakest of us all.

[chuckles]

She'd cry at the slightest hurt.

[soft music playing]

But never raise her
voice to a living soul.

She had no talent for hate.

Perhaps it's men

who should envy that.

And we were all pieces of our parents.

Bits of temper,

pride,

and softness

in different measures.

[door clicks]

[Ned] Forgive me.

A word has arrived from Inverness.

Speak it plain.

Lovat has taken the town entire.

But Dougal's men never
reached the castle.

They've joined Mar's main force,
making towards Perth.

[grim music playing]

[sharp exhale]

Then it's begun.

[cannon booms, crashes]

[distant booming]

They'll test us today.

But the measure of a man

is not how he stands
when the sun shines,

but how he stands in the storm!

- [men grunting]
- [metal clanging]

Today, you wear the
colors of Clan Grant,

and the King's cause
stands at your back.

Make no mistake.

Should you fail this day,

you'll find no mercy
on earth or in heaven.

But should you hold your line,

the Grants will be
remembered with honor.

Hold steady.

And may God find favor
with the righteous.

[men grunting rhythmically]

Company, forward march!

[drums rattle]

[grunting]

[metal clanging]

Dinna die today.

We've much to settle when this is over.

Aye, wouldna do to leave
anythin' unfinished.

If ye lads are done arranging tea,

can we set about gutting those b*stards?

[bagpipes playing]

[drums beating]

Ye've stood a line before.

I've seen my share.

What w*r?

- [soldier] Company halt!
- The w*r to end all wars.

And yet, here we are.

w*r has a way of making liars of us all.

[Uncle Mac shouts indistinctly]

Company, make ready!

[Uncle Mac shouts indistinctly]

Tulach Ard!

- [g*nshots]
- [explosions]

[g*n clicks]

If you mean to rob us,
we have nothing of value.

[Robert] I have no need of your coin.

You remember my father? James MacKinney?

[Ellen] I remember putting
an arrow through his chest

before he could butcher
every person there.

Then you ken why you're dying.

Don't touch her! [grunts]

[tense music playing]

[grunting] She's no part of this...

She rides at your side.
That's part enough for me.

[panting]

I thought perhaps a clean death,
a shot, a blade.

But that's not justice, is it?

Justice is slower.

I mean to see you bleed out by inches,

to hear you beg me for the
mercy you didna give him.

You'll have no begging from me.

We'll see.

[sighs]

I thought when John left for the field,

I'd feel something
akin to sorrow or rage.

But the truth is, I felt only relief.

Oh.

You dinna mean that.

Do I not?

Perhaps it shames me to say it aloud,

but I willna pretend.

There's a peace

in not wondering which
door he'll come through...

or how much wine he's taken
before he speaks my name.

You've always had the courage
to name a thing for what it is.

[chuckles]

Maybe.

But it cost more than
I ever meant to pay.

When this child is grown,

if it's a daughter,

I hope she never learns how it feels

to dread her own husband's footstep.

[birds chirping]

[soft dramatic music playing]

You don't have to hurt him,

my son.

If he's gone, if you've
hidden him somewhere,

then tell me now so I can see to him.

He was there and then he wasn't.

That's all I'll say.

I don't know what you
think Henry promised you,

but it won't end the way you believe.

He won't marry you.

And you'd know about promises,
would you?

You, who's never been set aside,
never been left waiting.

Whatever he said,

it was only ever meant as a kindness.

Even if you survive me by chance,

Lovat will hear what you've done.

He'll have you hanged.

Bigamy's no small sin in
the eyes of God or men.

I may be a wh*re,

but God takes mercy on the meek,

not on those who defy Him by choice.

Then what are you waiting for?

I'm trying to think

how it might be done
so he can forgive me.

[ominous music playing]

- [explosions]
- [men shouting]

[metal clanging]

[shouting and grunting]

[horse neighs]

If the Jacobites somehow prevail,

Dougal willna be content
with a w*r chief's share.

He'll want Leoch for himself.

Aye.

Victory can turn a man's
hunger into entitlement.

Especially Dougal.

And if they fail?

Well...

the Mackenzie name shall bear the shame,

but not the ruin.

It was clever putting
everything in Ellen's keeping.

Unwed. Neutral.

No British court

would think twice on her claim.

And if they do?

If some clerk decides to pry,

to look closer?

Then we fight it as best we can, but...

I'd wager they have bigger concerns

than a woman's claim on a northern keep.

What would my father have done?

If he were here now?

Red Jacob was cunning.

Brilliant when it suited him.

But he had his weaknesses.

He rutted like an animal,
not unlike Dougal.

He drank as if the cask would
vanish if he turned away.

But his greatest weakness...

Ellen.

Aye.

[chuckles]

Oh, he cherished the
very air she breathed.

Had his enemies have known
how she held his heart,

they'd have used it to break him and us.

[soft music playing]

And I made her the shield

the clan could hide
behind time and again.

For all his failings,
he'd never have used her so.

I have known you

since you drew your first breath, Colum.

You've done what you must to
keep these walls standing.

No man could fault you that.

No man but me.

[shouting and grunting]

You don't need to bind her.

She's no threat to you now.

[sighs]

If she's half as skilled as you
with the weapons you carry,

I'd be a fool to set her free.

You have your father's eyes,

but not his hunger for blood.

You ken nothing of me.

I know what it is to
live in a man's shadow,

to be told it's your duty to
fill the space he left behind.

Some footprints are too deep.

No son can step where they walked

and come out the same man.

Ye think I lack the will
to finish what he began?

I think you're not him.

And part of you knows it.

I think if you meant to k*ll us,
you'd have done it already.

I told you!

A clean death isn't enough.

[shaky breathing]

You'll feel the fear he felt.

And when you've had your revenge,

when you stand over
two women in the dirt,

will you feel like
your father's son then?

I'll feel...

[shouting and grunting]

[whooping]

[Mrs. Fitz praying softly]

In the name of the Father...

Oh, forgive me, Mistress.

I've lingered too long.

I was at my morning prayer,
but there's bread to set out.

Oh, sit, Mistress Fitz.

No need to leave on my account.

[sighs]

I never cared for this hall.

Too many shadows,

too many things left
unsaid in the corners.

Aye, but shadows are often more honest
than the men who cast them.

[laughs]

Oh, you're blunt as ever.
I've missed that.

I envied Ellen, ye ken.

Not only for how our
father doted on her,

but for the way she dared
to choose her own life,

even knowing the whole world
would turn its back on her.

[somber music playing]

I was there beside you that day,

helping her flee.

I suppose.

But envy doesna fade because
you do the right thing.

I had the mind if I helped...

...if I set aside the jealousy...

...someone might look at me the
way that Brian looked at her.

- [sighs]
- [Mrs. Fitz] Murtagh.

But you'd eyes enough
to ken he never did.

Aye.

That's the worst of it.

I knew.

And it made no difference.

[Mrs. Fitz] That doesna
make you foolish, lass.

Or if it does, well,

foolish hearts are the
ones that love the hardest.

And that's nothing to regret.

I tell myself it would be easier

if I loved my husband.

But I dinna think
that's the truth either.

Shame to live on hope, is it no'?

There's no shame in wanting,

only in pretending you don't.

[shouting and grunting]

[screams]

[metal clanging]

[screams]

[grunting, yelling]

[dramatic music playing]

[shouting and grunting]

[grunts, yells]

[screams]

[grunting]

[yells]

[yelling]

On me!

For the cause!

[expl*si*n]

[Angus] Rupert.

[sobs]

[muffled distant shouting]

[somber music playing]

For the cause!

[men yelling]

[dramatic music playing]

[horse neighing]

[grunting]

[screams]

[grunting and shouting]

[whooping]

[exhales]

Whatever you tell yourself,

you're not your father.

I have enough of him to know
you'd say anything to save your neck.

I would.

That doesn't make it a lie.

Do you think he'd have waited this long?

Or tied us up like
game for market?

I'm not him.

But I've no mind to let you go.

If you keep to his path,

you may meet the same end.

But you can choose

whether you become the same monster

or something better.

You took everything from me!

What did he take from you?

[somber music playing]

[panting]

[Colum] Some days,
I think this castle was never

meant to be held by any man,

that no matter what you build,

it's merely borrowed time.

I'd give my life to hold it fast.

But I wonder what it takes,
if I can ever get anything in return.

Will you be disappointed
if it's a daughter?

I'd be grateful.

A lass is spared the
burden of leading men

who would sooner see her fail.

And if it's a son?

Then I'll teach him what
my father never thought

worth teaching.

What's that?

That power is no birthright.

It must be earned

and guarded,

even from the men who
claim to be your kin.

[solemn music playing]

And will you teach him kindness?

Or will you teach him to bury it,

like you have?

I don't know if I'd know how.

Then I pray it's a daughter,

because a son

will spend his life
trying to please you.

And I don't wish that on any child.

Will you stay awhile?

[inhales]

Just awhile.

[Seema] You think he'd love you
less if he knew what you are?

A liar, a traitor,

a woman who can't keep her
own husband to her bed.

[somber music playing]

But the child,

he'll never know your faults.

He's too small,

too newly born.

You mean to take him from me.

Why not?

[tense music playing]

He won't remember your voice

or your face.

And when he wakes,
it'll be my face he sees,

my voice he trusts.

Just as your first one must
be calling some other woman

"Mother" by now.

[scoffs]

You believe if you steal someone's life,

it becomes yours?

A child only needs care to bind him.

Blood's nothing compared
to what he'll see

when he opens his eyes.

You think he will love you,

but you will always be the woman
who took what wasn't hers.

Better to try

than to be nothing to no one.

[coughing]

Mar means to call it victory.
[breathing heavily]

Let Argyll limp back to
Stirling unchallenged.

He would have us play at w*r
like lads with wooden swords.

We could press the ground,
make it ours outright.

Aye.

Oh, aye, but the Earl
has no stomach for more.

He talks of regrouping while
the Crown gathers its strength.

And wastes the blood

of good men...

...for naught. [scoffs]

We'll see to the wounded.

Count the dead.

Gather twenty MacKenzies.

We will do what Mar won't.

Aye.

[cheering]

Strange to hear them cheering
when no one's truly won.

Mm.

[sighs]

Pardon the intrusion.

I wish to make your acquaintance,

whoever you might be.

I watched you fight.

Hard to miss a man cutting
a path through the center

as if born to it.

Did what I must to see tomorrow.

If I'm not mistaken,
that's an English voice I hear.

Curious garb for a Crown man.

It's a...

it's a long tale.

I'm not sure I'd do it justice
covered in mud and blood.

I look forward to hearing
it properly told,

if we both see the other
side of this campaign.

Captain Lord Gerard Grey,

Earl of Melton.

[soft dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

Henry Grant, Your Grace.

I hope, if fortune ever
grants us that tomorrow,

to hear how an Englishman came
to be fighting in a Highland regiment.

[cheering]

[sighs]

You didna run?

When the chance was in your hand?

I wanted to.

God help me, I wanted to.

Go back to Julia,

to our son.

To Claire.

But how could I have
looked them in the eye,

knowing that I'd abandoned
my brothers in the field?

And I'll admit it to you plainly.

Petrified of facing your Murdina,
knowing I'd left you behind.

[laughs]

[chuckles]

Aye, she'd have made
the cannon seem kindly.

[chuckles]

You butchered them.

Every man who followed my father.

[Ellen] And lost my sister Janet,

who never raised her
hand against any soul.

Your father would have
seen her dead all the same.

That meant to ease your conscience?

No.

But it should trouble yours.

You have a choice now.

And you sat all this time

trying to make yourself into
something that you're not.

You know in your heart

this was never justice.

I'm no better than he was,

a coward trying to fill
a dead man's boots.

[dramatic music playing]

May God forgive me.

[whimpering]

Wait, no!

[grunting, panting]

You're no coward.

It takes more courage to lay
down a blade than to raise it.

[sighs heavily]

M- Maybe I could have
been a different man

if not for him.

[sighs]

- [yells]
- [gasps]

[grim music playing]

What?

[grunting] Put me down.

Put me down! Put me down!

Put me down! [screams]

Lady Ellen!

Lady Ellen!

He whispered your name

like it was the only word that mattered.

[shaky breathing]

But he was touching me.

He was looking into my face.

Seema,

listen to me.

Whatever he said to you...

Oh, you think I don't know he loved you?

That he still loves you?

[soft dramatic music playing]

But when he held me, it was nearly real.

And it will be real

when there's no one left to remind him.

[ominous music playing]

[grunts]

[horse neighs]

Alec?

God above, where've you been?

The raid.

We struck for Argyll's supply train.

They were waiting.

It was a slaughter.

[somber music playing]

Only Dougal and Old
Angus were taken alive.

Last I saw, they were
bound hand and foot.

It was chance I lived through it.

Go. See to yourself.

I'd wager Ellen has a hand in this.

She promised Maura she'd
bring Dougal home.

I told her I'd see it done.

[sighing] Aye.

You reckon they'll haul
'em to Fort William?

Aye. It's near enough.

Saves us chasin' them
across half of Scotland.

Oh, well, that's a comfort.

Be a short ride to our hanging.

[scoffs]

[soft indistinct chatter]

[soft dramatic music playing]

[Julia] "My dearest Henry",

"you and I did what
countless others have done."

"We fell in love, married,"

"and had two
beautiful children."

"Perfectly ordinary on the surface,"

"except every moment we've
shared has been extraordinary."

"Ours is a love that will
outlast time itself."

"Call it divine or fate."

"It doesn't matter.
The fact is, I adore you."

"I always will."

"And don't you dare forget it."

"If not in this world,

then we'll be together in the next."

It doesn't matter how it happens.

He came to me,

to me, when he believed you were dead.

[scoffs]

And he will come to me again.

No.

He was coming to me.

You were just a vessel,

a wh*re to keep his bed
from feeling empty.

Oh, say what you please.

A wh*re, a vessel-better than dead!

And I'll still be here...

[both grunting]

[Julia] "Even in the
midst of destruction",

"there are moments that
feel like any other.

"Find me in those.

"I'll look for you too.

"We know what we're fighting
for with every breath,

"even when it feels
like defying gravity,

"because we make each other whole

"and bring each other home.

So come home."

"I love you, my darling."

"I will be here."

"I know you'll fight to return"

"to our perfectly imperfect life."

"And so will I."

"I swear it."

[breathing heavily]

[dark music playing]

[gasps]

[shaky breathing]

[gasps]

[somber music playing]

[muffled breathing]

[Davina] Julia?

[gasps, cries]

[Davina] What's happened?

You're okay.

[crying]

[baby cooing]

Oh. [sobs]

Oh.

Where's Seema?

Gone.

[seagulls squawking]

[children] Nailed it.