BY: ROBERT HOLMES
Part Four
Original Air Date: 19 March 1977
Running time: 24:30
DOCTOR: Leela? Leela, are you all right?
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Doctor. Yes, I'm all right, just bruised.
DOCTOR: You were lucky.
LEELA: I deserve death. I had the chance to k*ll our enemy, Doctor, and I failed.
DOCTOR: Which enemy?
LEELA: The yellow one calls him lord. He lives in a cave beneath the theatre. Come, I will show you.
DOCTOR: This g*n takes about half an hour to load. Let's go this way.
JAGO: Casey, I'm about to repair for half a foot of port. Mrs Samuelson in yet?
CASEY: I've not seen her, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Well, you tell her I want the girl's frillies smartening up. They looked like a fit-up company last night. One of them had a Jacob's ladder as long as my arm. Look at that. You tell her.
CASEY: Yes, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Oh, Mister Chang. Back again already? I shall have to start charging you rent, what?
CHANG: There are many things to prepare before the performance.
JAGO: Of course, Mister Chang. Yes. The art that conceals, eh? Tell me, last night.
CHANG: Last night?
JAGO: I'm working too hard. Too much in the old brain box, that's a fact, but, er. We talked about a new contract but I've quite forgotten how we left matters.
CHANG: I'm considering your new offer.
JAGO: Ah, I see. Splendid. Generous offer?
CHANG: Merely reasonable. Tonight, incidentally, I shall be appearing without Mister Sin.
JAGO: Oh, why is that? Just making a change?
CHANG: Mister Sin is indisposed.
JAGO: Ha, ha, very droll. I shall treasure that exceedingly humorous jest, Mister Chang. Oh, Mister Chang? I suppose the little fellow's got a touch of woodworm, what?
DOCTOR: Say that again?
LEELA: Hmm?
DOCTOR: Say that again.
LEELA: She was dead. Her skin was dry like old leaves. It was something the machine did to her.
DOCTOR: Like old leaves. Sounds like an organic distillation. Drained out the life essence.
LEELA: That's what he called it.
DOCTOR: Did he?
LEELA: Well, he seemed to know what he was talking about.
DOCTOR: Well, he doesn't. He's a madman.
LITEFOOT: Here we are. Your outfit, my dear.
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Professor.
LITEFOOT: No, no, not here. Mrs Hudson's waiting upstairs. She'll help you change. Hope it's suitable.
LITEFOOT: Dashed embarrassing business, eh? Never done it before.
DOCTOR: What?
LITEFOOT: Chosen togs for a girl.
DOCTOR: Ah.
LITEFOOT: Quite apart from the rum things they wear, you have to be jolly careful it's in the right fashion. Clothes matter to women.
DOCTOR: They do?
LITEFOOT: Still trying to open it, are you?
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm trying to place the period. It can only be opened by a key of the correct molecular combination.
LITEFOOT: Is that a fact?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LITEFOOT: What were you saying when I came in? Something about a madman?
DOCTOR: Yes, he's probably got the key.
LITEFOOT: Who?
DOCTOR: Well, presumably he's calling himself Weng-Chiang.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang was one of the ancient Chinese gods.
DOCTOR: I know that, Professor, I know. And he probably arrived in this contraption.
LITEFOOT: It was a gift to Mama from his highness, T'ung-Chi. We came home in seventy three, so it's been in the family quite some years now.
DOCTOR: Then you're very lucky, Professor, that he hasn't traced it before now.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang?
DOCTOR: Weng
LEELA: Do you like it?
DOCTOR: Yes, it's charming. Isn't it charming, Professor?
LITEFOOT: Quite delightful.
DOCTOR: I'll be proud to take to take you to the theatre looking like that.
LEELA: We're going to the theatre?
DOCTOR: I have an appointment at the Palace Theatre tonight, and if you're very good, I'll buy you an orange.
CASEY: Told her.
JAGO: What?
CASEY: Mrs Samuelson. I told her what you said.
JAGO: Oh.
CASEY: She didn't like it.
JAGO: I don't need to hear that, Casey. I'm not concerned with what Mrs Samuelson likes.
CASEY: She mentioned money matters. She wants a word with you.
JAGO: The woman's a bloodsucker. She's trying to ruin me.
CASEY: Well she said
JAGO: Don't tell me, Casey. I'm an artiste. Every night at this time, I feel like an old warhorse scenting the smoke of the b*ttlefield. As the house fills, the blood starts tingling through my veins. My public is out there waiting for me. I can't talk about money at a time like this.
CASEY: But you don't do anything, Mister Jago.
JAGO: I, I announce the acts, I count the tickets, I smile at people. You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow. Furthermore, she spend seventeen and threepence on the wardrobe last week. Any sign of the Doctor yet?
CASEY: Who?
JAGO: My collaborator and fellow sleuth. Oh well, he'll be here tonight keeping observation, Casey.
JAGO (OOV.): I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on it.
LITEFOOT: Your cab's here.
DOCTOR: Good.
LITEFOOT: You'll need your coats. It's getting thick again.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
LITEFOOT: Oh, yes, yes. They've posted a man outside.
DOCTOR: Good. Lock and bolt the door after us and keep your g*n handy. Come on.
LITEFOOT: What, you really think those scoundrels will come back?
DOCTOR: They might. They might. They'll do anything to get their hands on that cabinet.
LITEFOOT: Don't you worry, Doctor. By sh*ts, I'll be ready for them. They won't catch George Litefoot napping a second time.
DOCTOR: Palace Theatre, cabbie. Make it snappy.
CABBIE: Go on, get up.
WENG: What is it?
CHANG: Your servant, master.
WENG (OOV.): Go away. I have work to attend to.
CHANG: Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel, the Doctor, will be here soon. Is it still your wish that I should k*ll him?
WENG: I think it more likely that he will k*ll you.
CHANG: No, Lord. I have plan. I will k*ll him as sacrifice to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang, to prove that I above all others am your true servant.
WENG: You no longer serve me, Li H'sen. I shall take my own measures. You do what you will. Now go!
JAGO: You owe me a gooseberry, Casey. There he is, in the box. See?
CASEY: He don't look like a detective to me.
JAGO: Well, he's not going to wear a brown derby and boots, is he, secret investigator like him, a man of a thousand faces.
CASEY: Who's the girl?
JAGO: Window dressing. Part of his disguise. Tell you what, I think I'll just pop up and tell him we're all on the q v down here. Have you set the star trap yet?
CASEY: Not yet, Mister Jago.
JAGO: You'd better get on with it, hadn't you, unless you want to ruin Mister Chang's act for him.
CASEY: It's that cellar, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Psst.
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Pleasure to welcome you, sir, and your charming companion.
DOCTOR: Thank you. Are you quite comfortable down there?
JAGO: Oh, I know the value of discretion in matters like this, Doctor. May I ask if you've come to any further deductions?
DOCTOR: Oh, quite a few, quite a few.
JAGO: Ah. I thought as much when I saw you here. I take it you're on the point of solving the mystery of the missing girls.
DOCTOR: I'm expecting further developments very soon, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Ah. Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my duty lies.
DOCTOR: I knew I could rely on you.
JAGO: Oh, to the limit, though I suppose you've got your own men scattered throughout the audience.
DOCTOR: No.
JAGO: No? You mean nobody?
DOCTOR: Nobody. When the moment comes, Mister Jago, you and I can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
JAGO: Oh, corks.
(Back at the house, Litefoot is reading Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine no 1916, with an advert for Lee and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on the back, by the light of the fire. He puts it down and looks out of the window to see the policeman patrolling in the garden then returns to continue reading.
Meanwhile, Lettie Randall is singing on stage.)
LETTIE: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet on the seat of a bicycle build for two. Everybody now!
ALL: Daisy, Daisy.
LEELA: Do we need to give the responses?
DOCTOR: There's no obligation.
ALL: I'm half crazy
LEELA: When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
DOCTOR: Perhaps it'll come looking for us.
CASEY: No. No!
JAGO: The Sheffield song thrush. Last time she was here, there were eggs all over the stage. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege to introduce to you, in his extended season here at the Palace, the first of two appearances this evening, someone whose legendary legerdemain has entranced and entertained all the crowned heads of Europe. Here to baffle and bewilder in his eclectic extravaganza of efflorescent ectoplasm, that master magician from the Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
CHANG: First trick very simple.
CHANG: Next trick very simple.
CHANG: Will someone pick cards, please? You sir. Catchee.
CHANG: Now, sir, please to assist humble Chang by selecting any card. Ace of diamonds. Please to hold card in air so everyone see. Now, sir, please to return card to pack, any place. Honourable gentleman please to hold pack of playing cards between finger and thumb. Chang will now sh**t magic b*llet through ace of diamonds without hitting other cards. Please to keep very still.
LEELA: Doctor!
CHANG: Please to keep very quiet. Chang sh**t fifteen peasants learning this trick.
CHANG: Now, sir, please look for ace of diamonds.
DOCTOR: Oh, very good, very good! Wasn't that good? Anything else?
CHANG: Honourable gentleman please to bring cards to stage. I have further demonstration requiring nerves of steel.
CHANG: I will now ask my eager volunteer kindly to step into the Cabinet of Death.
CHANG: The bird has flown. One of us is yellow.
CHANG: If you will now pay close attention, ladies and gentlemen.
WENG: So, the great magician.
CHANG: In my country, this is known as the death of a thousand cuts.
CHANG: I will now ask my new volunteer kindly to assist in opening cabinet.
JAGO: The curtain! Quick, drop the curtain! What happened?
DOCTOR: He's dead. He d*ed of a fright.
JAGO: Poor Casey. He's worked here for years.
LEELA: Doctor, what happened? Did Chang k*ll him?
DOCTOR: No, Chang was as surprised as anyone. Where's he gone?
CHANG: Are you here, Master? This is your servant, Li H'sen.
CHANG: Answer me, Lord. If you're here, answer me. He has gone. Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness, has deserted me.
CHANG: Lord?
DOCTOR: You've been left to carry the can, Chang.
DOCTOR: No poison tonight. There are questions to answer.
CHANG: I will say nothing. It is time for me to join my forefathers.
DOCTOR: Well, as an accomplice to m*rder, the police shouldn't hold you up long. Tell me about Weng-Chiang. Where did he go?
CHANG: Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky. I failed him. He was displeased with me.
LEELA: His mind is broken.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you.
CHANG: He came like a god. He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire. I saw him and helped him. He was tired from his journey.
DOCTOR: Go on.
CHANG: He was ill for many months. I was but a humble peasant, but I gave him sanctuary while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
DOCTOR: The cabinet. What happened to the cabinet?
CHANG: Soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it. Ever since, we have searched for the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang. The god will not be made whole until it is recovered.
JAGO: Doctor, are you down here? Well, cover me in creosote. I never knew this was here.
LEELA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Not this time, Leela.
LEELA: But he's escaping!
DOCTOR: There's no escape that way. He's gone to join his ancestors.
JAGO: You mean to say the celestial Chang was involved in all these Machiavellian machinations?
DOCTOR: Yes, up to his epicanthic eyebrows.
JAGO: Well, I'll go to Australia.
JAGO: What in the name of heaven's that?
DOCTOR: You'll have to book yourself a new act tomorrow. Cyanide gas might do for the brutes, though you'd have to shut the sewers off for a day or two.
LEELA: Look at this, Doctor. This is all that's left of them.
JAGO: Of the missing girls? So it was Chang.
DOCTOR: Not Chang. His master, the crazed maniac who organised all this.
LEELA: Doctor! The machine's gone.
DOCTOR: That means he's going to start up all over again somewhere else.
LEELA: He could be anywhere. We'll have to look for him.
DOCTOR: With his DNA helixes split open, the more cells he absorbs into himself, the more deformed he becomes.
LEELA: You mean he is like a waterbag with a hole in the bottom, and the hole is getting bigger?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: What happened to make him like that?
DOCTOR: Perhaps because he used the cabinet. A dangerous experiment in time travel. Now he'll be struggling to keep his metabolism in balance.
LEELA: And the rats?
DOCTOR: Just an experiment. He had to gauge the strength of the psionic amplification field. The rats were handy. After that, they were useful as sewer guards.
JAGO: I've got it! See the lair of the phantom. Conducted tours, bob a nob. I'm on to a fortune here. Hey, Doctor, you're not going, are you?
DOCTOR: I must. Things to do. (quietly) We've got to get back to that time cabinet. Come on.
`
The Doctor
Tom Baker
Leela
Louise Jameson
Magnus Greel
Michael Spice
Li H'sen Chang
John Bennett
Mr Sin
Deep Roy
Henry Gordon Jago
Christopher Benjamin
Professor Litefoot
Trevor Baxter
Sergeant Kyle
David McKail
Buller
Alan Butler
Casey
Chris Gannon
PC Quick
Conrad Asquith
Ghoul
Patsy Smart
Lee
Tony Then
Coolie
John Wu
Teresa
Judith Lloyd
Cleaning Woman
Vaune Craig-Raymond
Singer
Penny Lister
Ho
Vincent Wong
Assistant Floor Manager
Linda Graeme
Costumes
John Bloomfield
Designer
Roger Murray-Leach
Fight Arranger
Stuart Fell
Film Cameraman
Fred Hamilton
Film Editor
David Lee
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Heather Stewart
Producer
Philip Hinchcliffe
Production Assistant
Ros Anderson
Production Unit Manager
Chris D'Oyly-John
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Robert Holmes
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Mike Jefferies
Studio Sound
Clive Gifford
Theme Arrangement
Delia Derbyshire
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Michealjohn Harris
Tom Baker
Leela
Louise Jameson
Magnus Greel
Michael Spice
Li H'sen Chang
John Bennett
Mr Sin
Deep Roy
Henry Gordon Jago
Christopher Benjamin
Professor Litefoot
Trevor Baxter
Sergeant Kyle
David McKail
Buller
Alan Butler
Casey
Chris Gannon
PC Quick
Conrad Asquith
Ghoul
Patsy Smart
Lee
Tony Then
Coolie
John Wu
Teresa
Judith Lloyd
Cleaning Woman
Vaune Craig-Raymond
Singer
Penny Lister
Ho
Vincent Wong
Assistant Floor Manager
Linda Graeme
Costumes
John Bloomfield
Designer
Roger Murray-Leach
Fight Arranger
Stuart Fell
Film Cameraman
Fred Hamilton
Film Editor
David Lee
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Heather Stewart
Producer
Philip Hinchcliffe
Production Assistant
Ros Anderson
Production Unit Manager
Chris D'Oyly-John
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Robert Holmes
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Mike Jefferies
Studio Sound
Clive Gifford
Theme Arrangement
Delia Derbyshire
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Michealjohn Harris