BY: ROBERT HOLMES
Part Six
Original Air Date: 2 April 1977
Running time: 23:26
LEELA: We must trap them in the crossfire, Doctor. Somewhere in the cover where they cannot find cover.
DOCTOR: What sort of crossfire? Hazelnuts? Bread pellets?
LEELA: In a house this size there must be protection. The professor will have weapons in fixed positions to guard the approaches.
DOCTOR: I brought you to the wrong time, my girl. You'd have loved Agincourt.
DOCTOR: There's a Boot Court near the river, less than a mile from here, look.
DOCTOR: Oh, you let yourself in. That's good. We were expecting you.
WENG: No, Doctor, it was we who were expecting you.
DOCTOR: Life's full of little surprises. What have you done to her?
WENG: Nothing, yet.
DOCTOR: Take my advice. Don't.
WENG: Your advice? Oh, Doctor, you are an unusual man, but in opposing me you have gone far out of your depth. You have taken something from me. I want it back.
DOCTOR: Now I wonder what that could be? I'm always borrowing things from people and then forgetting where I've put them.
DOCTOR: It's a terrible habit.
WENG: I have never appreciated frivolity. It was in that bag. It is not there now. Give it to me!
DOCTOR: What, one of these?
WENG: The time key, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Oh, the time key. Now heavens to Betsy, where did I last see that?
WENG: I'll give you three seconds, Doctor, and then Mister Sin will k*ll the girl. One, two, three, k*ll her!
WENG: Stop!
DOCTOR: Is this what you want? The trionic lattice?
WENG: Give it to me!
DOCTOR: Careful, careful. I might have dropped it.
WENG: I'll k*ll you!
DOCTOR: Crystalline. Probably break into a thousand pieces.
WENG: You arrogant jackanapes!
DOCTOR: When I'm crowded I get nervous. Call your dogs off.
WENG: Back, back.
DOCTOR: That's better.
WENG: Give me that key and I will spare her life.
DOCTOR: Never trust a man with dirty fingernails.
WENG: You can trust me to k*ll her if you do not immediately put it down! Now obey me at once!
DOCTOR: I tell you what, I'll make a bargain with you. You can have the trionic lattice when we get to the House of the Dragon.
WENG: What trickery is this?
DOCTOR: No trickery. You're holding two others of my friends.
WENG: What of them?
DOCTOR: I want them released.
WENG: Two blundering dolts? Why?
DOCTOR: I doubt if you could understand that, but that's the condition.
WENG: Very well. They're nothing to me.
DOCTOR: Good. Right. Then you and your chaps can lead the way and I'll follow.
WENG: Bring the girl.
DOCTOR: No! The girl stays.
WENG: You would be wise not to press me too far.
DOCTOR: Just lead on.
WENG: Come!
JAGO: What's the matter?
LITEFOOT: I heard something.
JAGO: What sort of thing?
LITEFOOT: People. Quite a group just went by.
JAGO: More Wongs for the Tong, I suppose. Do you realise we've been here over an hour?
LITEFOOT: It'll be dawn soon.
JAGO: What does that signify?
LITEFOOT: I'm not aware that it signifies anything. It's just a remark.
JAGO: I thought perhaps they might do things at dawn.
LITEFOOT: Do things? What sort of things?
JAGO: Well, you know, sacrifice their victims.
LITEFOOT: You're thinking of the Druids, aren't you? I'm not aware the Chinese make a ceremony of it.
JAGO: Oh, good. I don't think I could stomach that. It's been worrying me somewhat.
LITEFOOT: Best not to think about it.
JAGO: I can't help it. Beastly heathens. That's my trouble, Litefoot.
LITEFOOT: What?
JAGO: Well, I'm not awfully. Well, I'm not so bally brave when it comes to it. I try to be but I'm not.
LITEFOOT: When it comes to it, I don't suppose anybody is.
JAGO: Well, I thought I ought to tell you anyway, in case I let the side down.
LITEFOOT: You won't, Henry. I know you won't.
WENG: Fetch the prisoners here.
DOCTOR: Very impressive. I'll have the Bird's Nest Soup.
WENG: What?
DOCTOR: Well, isn't this where you do the cooking?
WENG: How can you understand the functions of a catalytic extraction chamber, Doctor? Part of a technology far beyond your time.
DOCTOR: Simple old-fashioned cannibalism. That machine just saves you having to chew the grisly bits.
WENG: Much more than that. The secret of life.
DOCTOR: Bunkum. Your so-called technology is the twisted lunacy of a scientific dark age.
WENG: What do you know of my time?
DOCTOR: Everything. Where is it?
WENG: What?
DOCTOR: Your pig-faced, pig-brained Peking Homunculus.
WENG (OOV.): You know of that? How?
DOCTOR: I was with the Filipino army at the final advance on Reykjavik.
WENG: How can you in the nineteenth century know anything of the fifty first? You lie!
DOCTOR: Listen. What's your name? What were you called before you became a Chinese god?
WENG: I am Magnus Greel!
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, the infamous Minister of Justice. The Butcher of Brisbane.
DOCTOR: Checkmate.
WENG: It is impossible for you to know these things!
DOCTOR: I know you're a wanted criminal and that a hundred thousand deaths can be laid at your door.
WENG: Enemies of the state! They were used in the advancements of science.
DOCTOR: They were slaughtered in your filthy machine.
WENG: So, you are from the future, and I, for all my achievements, are only remembered as a w*r criminal. Of course, it is the winning side that writes history, Doctor. Remember, you would not be here if it were not for my work.
DOCTOR: Your work?
DOCTOR: Your work?
WENG: Yes! I made this possible. I found the resources, the scientists
DOCTOR: The zigma experiments came to nothing. They were a failure. Nothing came of them.
WENG: No! No, they were a success! Why, I used them to escape from my enemies. The first man to travel through time.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Look what it did to you.
WENG: A temporal distortion of my metabolism. It can be readjusted.
LITEFOOT: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Good morning, gentlemen.
JAGO: By jingo, what did I tell you? The game's up, my friend. We have the place surrounded.
DOCTOR: No, Jago, Jago, Jago. We don't have the place surrounded. We just have an understanding.
JAGO: Understanding?
DOCTOR: Yes.
WENG: I have kept my word, Doctor. Now give me the key.
DOCTOR: Only when they're well clear of this place. Off you go now. Hurry.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, there are two others here. Two wretched girls.
DOCTOR: Then take them with you.
WENG: Your demands are becoming too great!
WENG: Enough! I want him alive.
DOCTOR: Beware the Eye of the Dragon.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you hurt?
WENG: Take them out. Get these stinking heaps of rubbish out of here!
WENG: Perfect. Perfect. After all these years the function is unimpaired.
WENG: Everything exactly as it was. The parallax synchrons fully charged, the strata tube set at maximum. He was wrong! Wrong! The zigma experiment was a success!
LITEFOOT: Curious. Double heartbeat. Otherwise everything seems in order.
JAGO: If only we knew what that fiendish device was that struck him down. From behind, mark you.
LITEFOOT: Shush. I think he's trying to say something.
DOCTOR: There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Katmandu. There's a little marble cross below the town.
LITEFOOT: Kipling?
DOCTOR: Harry Champion, 1920.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you all right?
DOCTOR: Greel's got the key!
LITEFOOT: Greel?
DOCTOR: How long have I been unconscious?
LITEFOOT: Only a few minutes.
DOCTOR: The broth of oblivion.
JAGO: What's that?
DOCTOR: Chinese soup. He'll be coming for them soon.
LITEFOOT: Well, surely there must be something we can do for them?
DOCTOR: There's always something we can do. Get them over there against the wall. Come on.
JAGO: They're armed to the teeth, those Wong fellows. Knives, g*ns, everything.
LITEFOOT: Jago's right. Empty handed we can do nothing.
DOCTOR: Excellent. This is good strong linen. It should do fine. Well, don't just stand there wasting time. Get me a bucket of water and break off that gas pipe.
WENG: Almost ready. Yes, time to prepare my two partridges. Why don't you come down from there? Sulking because I wouldn't let you k*ll the Doctor, is that it?
WENG: Oh, you can k*ll him soon enough, Sin, but first I must drain every scintilla of his knowledge about the zigma experiment. You can k*ll him then, and as many more as you wish before we leave. All I need is to re-establish my protenoid balance.
WENG: Then I can enter the zigma beam for the second time. Only this time, there must be no mistake in the programme DNA levels. Now for my two partridges.
LEELA: Die, bent face!
WENG: No, spare me, please!
LEELA: Spawn of evil. Now I destroy you!
WENG: The second time! The second attempt on my life by this she-devil! Hold her still! No. No, I have a better fate for you. She will be the first morsel to feed my regeneration.
LEELA: k*ll me any way you wish. Unlike you, I am not afraid to die.
WENG: We shall see. Bring the tigress here.
WENG: At my camps, the extraction process was considered the most painful of all. They pleaded for anything but this.
LEELA: I shall not plead, but I promise you this. When we are both in the great hereafter, I shall hunt you down, Bent Face, and put you through my agony a thousand times!
WENG: Silence the spitfire!
WENG: Now bring the other two hags here.
JAGO: It's leaking. I can smell it.
LITEFOOT: There's bound to be some escape.
DOCTOR: Not enough to worry about.
JAGO: I'm not worried, Doctor. I haven't been worried since you turned up. It's just that I'd hate to be gassed before seeing if this stunt works.
DOCTOR: Well, Greel won't keep us waiting long. He needs his proteinoids.
LITEFOOT: His what?
DOCTOR: He's dying, you see. He's desperate. His body's fading away fast. He's trying to cheat death by substituting certain materials. Do you understand?
LITEFOOT: I think so. The principle, anyway.
DOCTOR: The principle's false, anyhow. All he achieves is a postponement of the inevitable.
JAGO: Shush.
DOCTOR: Lucifers, Professor. Quick, get over there. Now listen, if we do manage to get out of here, don't stop running till you're a mile from this place.
JAGO: Up troops and at 'em, eh, Professor?
DOCTOR: Come on, come on.
DOCTOR: This way.
WENG: Whatever it was, there can be no escape for you. Let the talons of Weng-Chiang shred your flesh!
DOCTOR: Greel!
WENG: k*ll, Sin! k*ll them!
DOCTOR: Come on, quick. Get down! Get down!
LEELA: I owe you my life, Doctor. Thank you.
JAGO: Time to thank him when we're out of this.
WENG: Doctor, I offer you a proposition.
DOCTOR: Not now, Greel, we're busy.
WENG: I will spare your lives, you and your friends, if you leave now.
DOCTOR: Well, that's very magnanimous of you, Magnus.
WENG: Then get up and leave.
DOCTOR: What, with your trigger-happy little friend out there? No thanks.
WENG: I am offering you your lives, you fools!
DOCTOR: (quietly) We'd be cut down before we reached the door.
LEELA: (quietly) I think so, too. He has no truth in him.
DOCTOR: (quietly) Let's see.
DOCTOR: Ah. We're staying put, Magnus.
WENG: Then you'll die here, all of you.
DOCTOR: Well, you might die first, Magnus. You don't sound too well, and your food supply's half way to Blackheath by now.
WENG: Sin, cr*ck that bench away.
LITEFOOT: If I only had a g*n, Doctor.
JAGO: Or a catapult. I was a dab hand with a catapult when I was a nipper.
LITEFOOT: What is that w*apon?
DOCTOR: It's a laser beam.
JAGO: It's a death ray.
LEELA: (quietly) Doctor, they're diminishing our cover.
DOCTOR: (quietly) Push it over.
WENG: Hurry, Sin! There is little time left to me.
WENG: No, Sin! You fool, stop! Stop! Obey me, Sin. Obey Greel, your master, I command you.
JAGO: Jiminy, I felt the heat of that one.
JAGO: No chance, my dear.
LEELA: He cannot fire at two objects at once.
JAGO: You mean one of us creates a distraction while you go for the g*n?
LEELA: That's right. Me because I'm quicker.
LITEFOOT: Another minute or so and we're done.
JAGO: I say, I say, I say!
JAGO: A funny thing happened to me. Has she got the g*n?
LITEFOOT: Hey! Who are you sh**ting at?
LEELA: Well, I've never fired one of these before.
LITEFOOT: Got them rattled, anyway.
DOCTOR: It's no good, Greel. You're finished.
WENG: I can escape you, Doctor, as I escaped my enemies before.
DOCTOR: Greel, listen. If you activate the zigma beam, it'll be certain death for all of us.
WENG: Lies, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Listen, Greel! Greel, listen! The zigma beam is at full stretch. If you trigger it again, it'll mean certain collapse. You know what that means?
WENG: You can't fool me.
DOCTOR: There'll be a huge implosion, Greel, and you'll be at the centre of it. The zigma experiments were a disaster!
WENG: No, no, the zigma experiment was a success! A brilliant, total success!
WENG: Sin, Sin, what are you doing?
WENG: I order you to. No, no, not me. This is mutiny, Sin.
LEELA: Is Bent Face dead?
LITEFOOT: Why do you call him Bent Face?
LEELA: Because it is. No, don't.
LITEFOOT: Why not?
DOCTOR: Cellular collapse.
LITEFOOT: In all my years as a pathologist, I've never seen anything like it.
DOCTOR: Well, let's hope you never see anything like it again, Professor.
JAGO: But where was he from? Where did he go?
DOCTOR: He was a foe from the future, Henry. Look out, Leela!
JAGO: What's that?
DOCTOR: It's his fuse, Henry.
LEELA: What are you doing, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I'm bringing the zigma experiment to an end.
CRIER (OOV.): Muffins! Get your hot muffins!
DOCTOR: Listen.
CRIER (OOV.): Hot muffins!
DOCTOR: It's the muffin man. Come on, I'll buy you some muffins.
LITEFOOT: And then, for example, I would say 'one lump or two, Miss Leela'. To which you would reply, 'one will suffice, thank you'. Now, do you follow?
LEELA: Supposing I want two?
LITEFOOT: Oh, no, no, no, no. One lump for ladies.
LEELA: Then why do you ask me?
DOCTOR: Come along, Leela.
LEELA: Professor Litefoot has been explaining to me about tea.
DOCTOR: Really?
LEELA: It's very complicated.
DOCTOR: No, it's not complicated at all. All you. Look, I haven't got time to stand here discussing tea. Goodbye, Litefoot.
LITEFOOT: Goodbye, Doctor.
DOCTOR: It's been such fun. Henry.
DOCTOR (OOV.): Yes, the important thing is just warming the pot.
LEELA (OOV.): What pot?
DOCTOR (OOV.): The tea pot.
LITEFOOT: What exactly is that contraption?
JAGO: Well, it's his personal transport. Look, Police.
LITEFOOT: Extraordinary.
JAGO: No doubt Scotland Yard provided it for him.
LITEFOOT: I don't believe it!
JAGO: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Our policemen are wonderful.
LITEFOOT: But it's impossible, Henry. Quite impossible.
JAGO: Good trick, eh? I venture the great Li H'sen Chang himself would have appreciated that.
`
The Doctor
Tom Baker
Leela
Louise Jameson
Magnus Greel
Michael Spice
Li H'sen Chang
John Bennett
Mr Sin
Deep Roy
Henry Gordon Jago
Christopher Benjamin
Professor Litefoot
Trevor Baxter
Sergeant Kyle
David McKail
Buller
Alan Butler
Casey
Chris Gannon
PC Quick
Conrad Asquith
Ghoul
Patsy Smart
Lee
Tony Then
Coolie
John Wu
Teresa
Judith Lloyd
Cleaning Woman
Vaune Craig-Raymond
Singer
Penny Lister
Ho
Vincent Wong
Assistant Floor Manager
Linda Graeme
Costumes
John Bloomfield
Designer
Roger Murray-Leach
Fight Arranger
Stuart Fell
Film Cameraman
Fred Hamilton
Film Editor
David Lee
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Heather Stewart
Producer
Philip Hinchcliffe
Production Assistant
Ros Anderson
Production Unit Manager
Chris D'Oyly-John
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Robert Holmes
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Mike Jefferies
Studio Sound
Clive Gifford
Theme Arrangement
Delia Derbyshire
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Michealjohn Harris
Tom Baker
Leela
Louise Jameson
Magnus Greel
Michael Spice
Li H'sen Chang
John Bennett
Mr Sin
Deep Roy
Henry Gordon Jago
Christopher Benjamin
Professor Litefoot
Trevor Baxter
Sergeant Kyle
David McKail
Buller
Alan Butler
Casey
Chris Gannon
PC Quick
Conrad Asquith
Ghoul
Patsy Smart
Lee
Tony Then
Coolie
John Wu
Teresa
Judith Lloyd
Cleaning Woman
Vaune Craig-Raymond
Singer
Penny Lister
Ho
Vincent Wong
Assistant Floor Manager
Linda Graeme
Costumes
John Bloomfield
Designer
Roger Murray-Leach
Fight Arranger
Stuart Fell
Film Cameraman
Fred Hamilton
Film Editor
David Lee
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Heather Stewart
Producer
Philip Hinchcliffe
Production Assistant
Ros Anderson
Production Unit Manager
Chris D'Oyly-John
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Robert Holmes
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Mike Jefferies
Studio Sound
Clive Gifford
Theme Arrangement
Delia Derbyshire
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Michealjohn Harris