Welcome to
"independent lens."
I'm america ferrera.
To heal himself,
he created
a fantasy world.
This is me.
After the attack,
of course.
This is independent
filmmaker jeff malmberg.
He came across
world w*r ii pictures
in a magazine.
Except it wasn't
world w*r ii,
it was a town of dolls,
including barbies
and gi joes
built by a man
who had survived
a brutal beating.
Now he's trying
to reclaim
his damaged mind
through art or therapy,
or whatever you may call
this unique vision
that reaches out to us.
"Marwencol." Next.
The corporation
for public broadcasting,
the national endowment
for the arts,
and by contributions
to your pbs station
from viewers like you.
Dream
when you're feeling blue
dream
that's the thing to do
things never are
as bad as they seem
so dream
dream, dream
man: on april 8, 2000,
mark hogancamp was in a bar.
He left the bar
about closing time.
And a group of 5 individuals
had been in the bar
harassing him,
then they went outside,
followed him,
and beat him senseless.
Stomped on him,
and did some pretty bad
damage to his brain.
The doctors had to
rebuild his face.
The impact on the brain
from the as*ault
was such that he was
in a coma for 9 days.
To see your 38-year-old son
having to learn
how to eat again,
taking his first steps.
I mean, seeing
your 38-year-old son
starting to walk again.
And seeing it,
it's heart breaking.
He was there for 40 days
in the hospital.
And then they dismissed him
because he couldn't pay for it
when he was on medicaid.
I took care of mark
for 2 years
after he got out
of the hospital.
I mean, he really
literally had to learn
everything over.
He went to therapy
for a very short time.
It was--all these
physical therapies
he went through
and talking
and word search
and all this stuff.
He was just starting
to get, you know,
some of this stuff back
when they just, like,
cut if off.
"That's it.
That's all you get."
Then you come home
from work
and he's building
this little miniature
building,
and looks like hell,
just made from
old plywood
and nasty stuff
and pieces of stuff you
find around the yard.
But it's developed
into a world,
his own world.
This is me.
After the attack,
of course.
Always smoking.
Um, I used to carry
one revolver.
And then general patton
gave me his other revolver.
So now I have two.
Because the general
just wants to hang out,
have a drink.
[Indistinct]
what's this
all about, man?
[Car passes by]
[insects chirping]
when the teenagers
kicked my head to pieces,
they wiped, I mean,
everything.
All memory of everything.
My memories that I do get,
they come back in stills,
just a single shot,
but no context.
Alls I have is a photo
to remind me that, ok,
I was married, wow.
To a good-looking girl, too.
She was a russian polish.
Anastasia.
I started to ask questions
because I didn't know
who I was.
I had to ask other people.
What was I like?
Was I bad guy?
Was I mean? Was i?
And they would tell me,
"no, you weren't mean.
You were just drunk."
You know, you were
an all right guy.
"Did I hurt anyone?"
"No, you just hurt
yourself."
Then I started finding
my drunk journals
and started reading those
because I wanted
to find out who I was.
For real.
'Cause the only one
that would know
is the guy who was writing
them, who was me.
Maybe not in the right
frame of mind,
but it was me.
It's all messed up like this
because I was hammered.
"I'm gonna die tonight."
And, oh, january 19, 1993.
"Last entry."
And I was like, my god.
It was like reading
something
that stephen king wrote
or something.
It was bad.
I never want to see
this guy again.
I figured, all right,
well, what's the first thing
I got to work on?
That's my imagination.
I came flying over
in my p-40 warhawk.
On fire.
And I saw a field
down below.
And I crash landed it.
And when I walked
into town,
there was nobody there.
And then one by one,
beautiful barbie-looking women
started emerging.
I was the only man in town
with 27 barbies.
The ss, I found out later,
went through there
and k*lled men.
It was like a desolate town.
And they all hid
when the ss were there.
So they came out
and they thanked me.
I was thinking, "boy, what
a lucky guy I am."
So they gave me my
own place, my own building,
which I turned into a bar.
I used to work there
5 days a week.
You know, 10 hours a day.
But now I just work
once a week,
and it's 4 or 5 hours
a week,
just so I can get used to
doing things again.
Mark's job is--he kind
of does anything I ask
him, really.
Doesn't come in too much
because it's
too much for him
if he's around
a lot of people
and a lot of stress.
He came to me,
he was in recovery.
Didn't last long.
And he was awful.
He drank. Sometimes he
came to work,
sometimes, like he said,
he would have a shot
just to steady himself
for the day
and just call in
and say, I'm not coming.
After he got out
of the hospital,
it was like somebody
turned a switch.
He had no interest
in alcohol at all.
At all.
After the attack,
when I started coming
around back here,
I looked at the bottles
and I don't get
that same feeling.
Nothing happens when
I look at the bottle.
It's like liquor, booze,
that's it.
I mean, if I don't
remember what it's like
to be drunk
or what it tastes like,
then I don't miss it.
[Ragtime music playing]
I just figured
I'd be like sam malone,
you know, from "cheers."
You know, he's
a recovering alcoholic
and he is a bartender.
I made my alter ego figure
drink only coffee
because that's what
I do in real life,
drink tons of coffee.
Man: does anybody
ever try and offer
your alter ego a beer?
Yeah. Yeah.
And what happens?
I just tell them
I don't drink.
The only entertainment
I could think of
was catfighting.
So I paid the girls
to catfight.
Staged catfights
for entertainment
purposes only.
I named my club,
besides hogancamp's,
I added a little bit more.
Hogancamp's
ruined stocking.
Catfight club.
The only one in belgium.
This place. Just looking
at it soothes me.
I used to be able
to draw anything
that came to my mind,
but now, since
the attack, I can't
because my hand
shakes too much.
This one was evidence.
Still has
the evidence sticker.
His drawings were there
to show to the jury
what this individual
was capable of doing.
Brain damage
you can't see
with your own eyes,
but you can see
the manifestations
from what people have
been able to do before
to what they can do now.
Mom, I'm home.
I need supplies.
Mark wikane:
when mark first came in
after the attack,
he was very upset.
His hand wasn't steady
enough to do anything.
And he was afraid that
he wasn't gonna be able
to continue,
and that just frustrated
the heck out of him.
So we encouraged him.
And janet, when he
didn't have any money,
she'd give him a kit
or something
to work with.
He kept bringing things
in to show us.
And you could see
the excitement in him,
like, "yeah, yeah,
it's there. I hope
to get better at it.
I'm in
the hobby shop.
I just love
the hobby shop.
You get too--
you get too excited.
Everything's real.
The slide on the .45.
The hammer.
The clip even comes out.
So that adds to my,
you know, verbosity
of getting into it,
into the story,
because I know
everything works.
I almost know what everything--
what every satchel's carrying.
You know, that's grenades.
This is the briefcase
I carry around.
In here we have money,
the detonator,
and then certificate
of ownership
that I made up myself
for my doll figure
to carry around
because this proves
I own the bar, then.
This is my mom,
my mother.
This is from the movie
"goldfinger," 007.
p*ssy galore
was her name.
Anyway, yeah, it looks
just like my mom.
When my mother
came to visit,
I said, "mom, mom,
look, there's you.
You're tending bar."
Then she--"yeah, ok."
Didn't even look.
Just walked right
past it.
So it's like--but it's
my mom, you know.
So I gotta have
my mom in here
in my town.
This is how I work
on patience.
This is how I work
on dexterity.
Training my right hand
to be a little bit calmer,
not shake so much.
I'm amazed how I can talk
about this
and actually do it
at the same time.
That's a first.
I started needing vehicles
for my town.
And the tires,
they looked so brand new.
They got the little
factory seam around
every one.
It looks like it just
rolled out a show room.
I don't want that.
So I start dragging stuff.
The jeep has
180 miles on it.
Which is 1,080 miles
in 1/6 scale.
When I'm even walking,
I have to constantly
look at my feet.
I can't look around
like other people do
and just walk
because otherwise
I'll wind up in
the middle of the road
or something like that.
So I've always got to look
at what's ahead.
[Horn honks]
I'm walking along.
I'm walking on
that white line.
I always have to keep on
looking down,
make sure I'm
walking on that.
And I still lose
my balance and stuff
when I'm doing that,
but I'm getting better
at it.
[Wind whistling]
americans and germans
were wandering into the town
either because
they were lost
or they just came
across the town.
There was one rule
in my town.
That--friends.
Be friendly with each other.
Behave.
So they did. They were.
The americans, the british,
the germans,
they all drink together,
they all smoke cigarettes
together.
Everybody be friends
with each other.
The germans,
when they were there,
I told them they
have to get along
with the americans.
And as long as I gave
them booze and a couple
of catfights,
staged catfights,
between the girls,
they were happy.
So the americans
and germans sat together,
drinking together.
Everybody got along.
Nobody was against
anybody else.
It didn't matter
what clothing they wore.
When I get that new character
and I open up that box,
the first thing I look at
is their face.
And then I think,
who does that remind me of
that I know,
that I want to portray with
an alter ego in my town?
And then that's
their alter ego.
She looks like pam.
A girl I know, pam.
That's married.
Down at the anchorage.
So I think I'm gonna
make her pam.
Pam.
Then sometimes I just do
a quick thing like this.
Like, oh-h* h*.
Like they're hugging me.
Like they bought me
and stuff.
I know what it's like
to build things in miniature
and want to have, like,
a society outside of society,
a smaller society.
When mark creates
a character for you,
that's really a way
mark honors you.
And I felt
very honored
when mark made me
part of his town.
My doll, I believe
he's a british commando.
I think it's
a handsome doll, myself.
There's always something
going on at marwencol.
There's always danger.
There's always the ss
trying to attack.
I've taken place
in many battles,
and we usually
come out on top.
Mark: everybody
at one time or another
wishes they had a double
that could do things
that they could never do.
So what I do is
with alter egos,
I tell my friends,
you can be anybody you want,
you can do anything
you want in my town.
Have as many girls
as you want.
I only--i have 27 barbies,
so we have to keep enough
for the other dudes.
Mediterranean lisa said,
I want to have a tall, dark,
and handsome boyfriend.
I said, ok.
So I put her with yazi
the navajo indian.
And she said,
he's gorgeous.
He's perfect.
But she didn't know
I had a steve mcqueen doll.
When she found that out,
she wanted to drop
the navajo like a hot cake.
And now steve mcqueen's
her boyfriend.
[Motorcycle rumbles]
I am mediterranean lisa,
and this is my doll.
I am now dating
steve mcqueen.
I'm very happy about that.
A couple buddies of mine
were looking at
my town one day
and it was all, you know,
the soldiers out there
and stuff.
And I had a barbie.
And one of them said,
"hey, look, man,
it's a barbie."
And I says,
"yeah, what do you want
it to be, g*y town,
with all dudes in it?"
He's like, "no."
I said, "man, all the dudes
got to have some women."
You know what I mean.
I...i love the thought
of women.
You know, so I want women
in my town.
This is the last
girlfriend that I had.
9 Years ago.
It's the last time
I ever felt a woman,
hugged a woman.
Kissed a woman.
The first 4 years
of that 9 years
was because I was a
drunk and I didn't care
to look for women.
I'd just rather drink.
And the last 5 years,
I've been me being busy,
trying to get back
my senses,
fine motor skills.
I have to learn that
all over again, sex.
Because I don't know--
I don't remember
what it was like.
That's what I used to do
to my wife
when I would come off
the ship.
Come home
and attack her.
She'd be waiting.
I wish I had somebody
to come over,
a girl preferably,
to manipulate
the female dolls.
That'd be neat--
playing dolls
with a girlfriend.
[Birds chirping]
my bedroom window
was right across the street
from a big house
with a white picket fence
and a big tall blonde
lived over there.
We would--you know,
if I was outside
and she was outside,
we'd, you know, meet
at the picket fence.
And the other neighbor,
betty, would come over.
And then the three of us
would be at
the white picket fence.
So I dubbed it
the gossip fence.
It was great.
She was just so beautiful.
Hi, I'm colleen,
and this is my home.
And this is where
mark and I
used to talk
and gossip
by my fence.
I like blondes
to begin with, so.
'Cause of my ex-wife.
She's blonde.
You know, so I
experienced the feeling
of a crush.
What it is to want
someone.
I have 3 children.
I'm married.
I didn't know about
that. Can't have her.
You know, I just...
Oh, innocent me.
I didn't understand it.
I mean, I didn't want
to steal her away.
I just wanted
to let her know
that she was on
some scrumptious.
Mark had shared with me,
like, certain pictures
that he had been taking,
photographs,
and telling me certain
storylines that he had had.
And I just kept telling him
to go with it.
My husband was just like,
you know, you got to be aware.
Just be aware.
She matches.
I mean, her shirt
matches her little
sparkles.
And that's what mark
was probably
thinking, too.
I was like,
yep, that's me.
A barbie doll.
This is the colleen doll.
I did her hair last night.
Um, when I wash it
and all that crap.
Get all the chemicals out.
I put more chemicals in
by spraying it
and combing it and stuff.
But this is how it dries--
close to her head,
not sticking out way out here
like it was yesterday.
And colleen has this
nice little one piece of hair
that always, you know--
a strand that always
hangs down and stuff.
Hey. She looks hot.
Anyway, I'm putting
manolo blahnik slingbacks
on colleen
'cause she deserves that.
So we were just talking
and he goes, "what would
you name a store?"
There would used to be
a store, and I used to
love this store,
but it actually wen out of business.
And it was pocket
full of posies.
So I built it.
So I preserved colleen,
and I can have her
in my town.
["I'm making believe"
playing]
I'm making believe
that you're in my arms
though I know
you're so far away
making believe
I'm talking to you
wish you could hear
what I say
and here in the gloom
of my lonely room
we're dancing
like we used to do
making believe is just
another way of dreaming
so till my dreams
come true
I'll whisper good night
turn out the light
and kiss my pillow
making believe it's you
ok.
Colleen: mark had
gotten into
a conversation with me
and he was showing me
some certain pictures.
Mark:
I says, look, look,
I even put your name
on the car door,
my name on that
car door.
You're here, I'm here.
And he was like, well,
they're getting married
on such and such day.
I said, what, you know,
we're engaged.
As he was telling me,
it was like he was
telling me about it like
it was somebody else,
like it was two other people.
And then when he told me
it was us,
and I was just like...what?
Hello. You're talking
to a real person,
and there's dolls.
You have to know
when you have to stop.
So I go outside
sulking and stuff.
And there's deja thorus,
the belgian witch
of marwencol.
And I explained to her
what went on
with colleen.
And just then,
here comes colleen
waving, "how you doing,
mark?" And everything.
And poof her
out of her shoes,
get rid of her forever
out of marwencol.
Just get rid of her
for me.
So I didn't complain.
Man: so who's that?
Anna. That's anna,
my favorite female doll.
I wish that she would
come alive.
I won a photo contest
and with that money,
I bought anna.
Sorry.
When I first got
the doll, I fell in love
with her face.
So much that I had to
paint makeup on her.
And being that
I'm alone in life,
I figure at least
my alter ego
can have a girlfriend.
Every night
she's next to my bed,
I stare at her
and I wish and I wish
and I wish
that I could find a girl
that looks just like her.
When I first saw mark,
probably a year
before I actually
talked to him,
he's in this full
world w*r ii regalia
and it looked like he
had a remote controlled
truck or something,
like one of these
rc aficionados.
My window actually
looks out the curve,
like right past us
going toward his house.
And so, I noticed
every day around
2:00 or 3:00
he would start
coming home.
So I set my long lens
and tried to zoom in
to figure out what
was going on,
if this was
a remote control
or is this grown man
actually pulling a car
or a truck
or something.
And then I decided
that I was going to try
to figure out a way
to stop and talk to him.
I saw him again when
he was walking down
the street.
I drive way up ahead,
I park maybe 75, 80
yards up ahead,
and get out.
I'm sitting there
and can sense him
getting a little
closer and closer.
I go, "hey!" You know,
"how's it going?"
He's like, "pretty good.
Pretty good."
And he stops
and proceeded
to introduce me
to the people
in the jeep.
There were 2 figures
in the jeep.
He says, this is
actually so and so,
who is someone
I work with.
And this other woman,
she's actually an old
neighbor of mine.
I was like, has anybody
else seen this stuff
or talked to you,
you know?
He goes, you're
the first person
to ever really stop
and say, that's
interesting.
What are you doing?
Or where are you going?
Or what's that all about?
The next day,
this envelope stuffed
with photos.
And I opened them up,
and I was just
astonished
by the realism
and the feeling.
When I went
to his house after
I saw the photos,
I said, now, do you have
anymore of these?
He goes, oh, I've got
thousands of them.
Yeah, sure.
'Cause I'm
a photographer, I was,
how do you manage
all your assets
and your negatives?
He said, I don't even
keep the negatives.
The negatives,
I throw them away.
I asked him about
metering, things
like that.
He said, you know,
well, the light meter's
actually broken.
So basically what I do,
is I set up these shots
and sh**t them,
then send them off
to a mail order lab,
which is where he got
all his processing done.
And wait a couple weeks,
he'd come back,
they'd be overexposed
2 or 3 stops or under,
and he's just sh**t
the entire thing
over again.
It's funny. I don't
think he ever even
thought of himself
as being a photographer.
He was just using
a camera as a tool
to communicate.
Definitely didn't
identify himself
as an artist.
It was all such
a genuine thing.
And I just--i felt like
it was too amazing
to not share
with other people.
The story, meanwhile,
was just going on in my head,
like, ok, the ss heard
about my town,y bar.
They're just driving
around aimlessly looking
for marwencol.
Looking for the town
they heard of,
the bar they heard of,
the women they heard of.
That the marwencol women
were beautiful.
They're the most beautiful
girls in belgium.
So, eventually,
the ss find marwencol.
And there's nobody around.
We all decided to go
to the bar,
hogancamp's catfight club,
2 miles away
and hide in there.
And the only one left
in town was ruth.
She had decided
to stay behind,
watch over the church.
And the ss came in.
And they interrogated
ruthie.
And these guys wanted
to know where the bar was.
"Where's the bar?
I want a drink."
'Cause I remember that's
the way I was when
I was an alcoholic.
"Gah! I want a drink!"
You know. I remember that.
And so, she still
wouldn't tell
the ss where my bar was,
where I'd moved the bar.
So they k*lled her.
I heard that
I'm k*lled off.
Yes.
I don't remember you
ever telling me.
You were in the church
when the ss came
and found marwencol.
They wanted to drink.
They wanted to party.
You know.
There was nobody there
but you.
You wouldn't tell them
where the bar was,
so they k*lled you.
The bad guy k*lled you.
And then they started
walking out of the church.
And the professor,
who stayed behind
to watch over ruthie,
he was picking off the ss.
He got three of them.
So the ss scared back
into the church.
They were gonna stay there
until they found my bar.
And the professor was just--
every time one of them
would poke their head out,
he was picking them off.
[Imitates g*nsh*t]
and that was good.
If mark is angry,
he definitely takes
it out on his town,
which I guess is
a good outlet,
you know.
Instead of taking
out in real life,
he takes it out
on his town.
And he gets a lot
of anger out that way.
And the ss
takes the brunt
of a lot of it.
I think a lot of it
stems from
his attack, too.
He's got a lot of
anger to let go,
especially
for groups,
people who hate.
And it definitely
shows in his town.
Anything pisses him
off in life,
that's an outlet for
mark to take it out
and someone in that
town's gonna get it.
I created my own therapies.
And this was one of them.
Wow.
I could act out my revenge
and anger and rage
in photographs.
It's nice to be
able to--
you know,
somebody hurts you,
you can, without
any violence,
you know, get back
at them. You know.
Correct. Right.
Whether it be on paper
or in film.
Yep. Yep.
I still really miss
somebody to talk to
about still
the way I feel.
So you're not
in therapy now?
Oh, no. No.
This guy is tod, the editor
for "esopus" magazine.
Good friend of mine
named david naugle,
he was at a party
and said--had his
mac with him,
and he said, I've got to
show you something.
And I thought
it was fantastic.
Just like nothing
I'd ever seen before.
And the story, although
I didn't know much of it
at that point,
was fascinating
to me, too.
The magazine is--
the whole purpose
of it is
to present a space
that's completely
uncommercial,
completely unmediated,
and completely unfiltered
for artists to present
their work to,
hopefully, a fairly broad
general public.
To find somebody like mark
who's doing this amazing work
that no one has seen ever,
except maybe
a few people he worked with
at the anchorage and david,
was just like a gift
from the gods, you know.
Tod: does it feel
like therapy
at all to you,
or is it all
just art?
It constantly keeps
my mind--
it keeps my mind
constantly working.
Uh-huh.
I mean, the minute I met him,
I was like,
oh, he's like a nice guy.
He's just a wonderful
nice guy.
He's so much further along
than most of us would be
in that situation.
And really because
of what he'd decided
to do with his life.
This idea of someone
using art to sort of access
something they lost
or to sort of regain
something they lost
was just so beautiful
and so moving to me.
And then the work
was so great.
It would be a great story
if his work were,
you know, nice,
but his work is strong.
It's strong stuff.
So that just made it
such a no-brainer.
Of course we're
gonna do this.
Mark: meanwhile, back
in marwencol...
The town germans and I
came up with a plan
that I would pretend to be
the town germans' prisoner.
They would bring me
to the church.
And that way we could
infiltrate the ss,
and then just get
our town back.
Yeah, but that
didn't happen
because the ss took me,
sent the town germans
out of the church.
They tied me up,
the ss tied me up.
Then started
interrogating me.
Where's my bar?
Where did I move the bar?
We want to drink!
That's what they kept on,
with anger
and stuff like that.
Then started cutting me.
And on my alter ego,
I put a scar down
the right side of my face,
because this is the side
that was damaged
in real life on me.
There's one major difference
I found immediately
between mark's work
and a lot of other
contemporary art
that I look at and see
and life, for that matter.
That is, particularly
when you're using dolls
or some kind of--
you're re-photographing
something,
there's generally
a very strong sense
of irony in the work.
There's a distance.
And it's kind of
a little wink-winky.
Like, I'm photographing dolls.
Isn't that, you know,
funny or subversive
or clever or whatever.
And I just--the thing
that struck me immediately
about mark's work
is that there's
no irony in it
as far as I can tell.
I mean,
he's a very clever guy,
very smart,
but he's in the work.
He's not using the work
as a tool to do something else.
The work is him.
It's a very authentic
feeling to me,
which is a wonderful thing.
You don't it that often.
Mark: so then,
back at my bar,
all the dolls
in my bar heard
that the ss had me tied up
and they were cutting me
to ribbons
and beating me up.
So anna didn't want
to wait around for
another brilliant plan
that the townspeople
had come up with.
So she took chris
and jacqueline
and traded their uniforms
for barbie clothes.
They went into town
with their hands
behind their back.
Each hand
was carrying a p*stol.
And they waltzed into town.
Anna grabbed my revolver
from the town german,
and the 3 of the girls
went into the church.
Just like
precision surgeons,
they eliminated the ss.
They only wounded
the worst ss guy,
because they had plans
for him.
They wanted to save him
for later.
And anna came over
and she cut me down
and held me until
the jeep came
to pick us up and bring us
back to my bar.
Her coming and saving me
from the ss
proved to me that
she loved me.
It proved to me that
she felt the same way
I felt about her.
So the call went out to
all the town's barbies.
We did it before
and we can do it again
and we will do it again
we've got a heck
of a job to do
but who better
to see it through?
We did it before
and we can do it again
and we will do it again
we're one for all
and we're all for one
we'll get to lickin'
before we're done
then svetlana takes
a p*stol while the ss
guy's still alive,
good old-fashioned eye
for an eye, tooth for
a tooth sort of thing.
And still smiling,
the women of marwencol
had gotten
their revenge.
This is no town that
you can push over
and take over.
This is what happens
to people who mess with us.
So this is my wife, anna.
Man: when'd you guys
get married?
March 26.
I still remember that, too.
I don't remember when
I got married in real life.
I mean, I remember that
it was 8-4, '84.
But I don't recollect
that wedding
as much as I recollect
the one that my alter ego
got married to here.
And it's weird when I say
"my wife," you know.
It's like I remember
saying that back
when I was married,
but it just--it doesn't
hold any, you know--
I don't know.
Anna's competition
is deja thorus,
the belgian witch
of marwencol.
She's competing
for my love.
Deja thorus was in love
with me.
She's still in love
with me.
She can't get me,
even though she brought me
back in time
so I wouldn't meet anna
and all that stuff.
But I did meet anna.
Anna and I kissed.
And while we were connected
on our kiss,
we remembered all the love
we once had for each other,
so deja thorus' spell
was broken.
This is deja thorus'
time machine.
And I'm proud of it.
It was an old vcr
that ate one of
my best porno tapes.
So I had to extract
the tape somehow.
So I took an mp3 player stand
and made that the seat.
And found an old
cell phone keypad
on the roadway
when I was walking.
So I glued that on this thing
that I put there.
And before I knew it,
there it was,
the time machine.
Tod showed my stuff
in the city.
And he tells me
that there's a curator
of an art gallery
that wants to display
my photos.
I did feel a very strong
responsibility
and a concern about,
you know,
will the show be too much?
What if this leads to,
you know, attention
and it's bad for him
in some way?
Will the photographs look ok?
Will the space be ok?
Will he like the space?
Will he be comfortable here?
Will he make to the city?
He hasn't been here
for a long, long time.
He hasn't been
out of kingston
for a long, long time.
I'm happy about
the whole thing
except the talk of me
taking something
so sentimental to me
and having it on display
100 miles away.
It's a very big decision
for me to make.
Women want to meet
the artist.
They don't want to hear
that the artist
couldn't make it.
They want to meet
the artist.
And, of course, if some
big spendy guy comes in
and he's looking
for something,
he has tons of money,
mad money,
and he wants to meet
the artist,
he doesn't want to hear,
oh, the artist couldn't make it,
he's too afraid
to come to the city.
Yeah. So, I'm still afraid
to go to the city,
but that's where
courage comes in.
Courage. I was taught
that courage is
to face the thing,
to do the thing,
even though I have
such great fear of doing it.
Anna comes back to town
and she's all pissy
'cause I didn't want to go.
'Cause I have
mental problems.
I'm still disturbed
by the ss tying me up.
And to get a close-up
of her looking at me
and then scooting on over,
and now we're kissing.
So that's the whole
outcome of that.
It gets stranger
by the moment, doesn't it?
218 Pair...
Of women's essence.
I mean, they wore these.
They scuffed them up,
I can tell if they were
a smoker or not.
I should be a shoe
detective or something.
Yep. Some of these...
Oh, none of ese
are ones I've stole.
They were all given
to me by women.
They were.
I'm not kidding.
Like colleen gave me
a bag full of shoes.
Colleen.
The first night
we went home to
his apartment
when he got out
of the hospital,
he sees this whole
shelf of high heels.
And he says to me,
"do I have
a girlfriend
that lives here?"
And I said, "no."
And he says,
"well, what's with
all the shoes?
And I said,
"well, mark, those
are your shoes.
"You buy them,
you collect them.
I think
you wear them."
If I tell people who I am
and what I'm about,
I'm true to myself.
That means I'm not
lying to myself.
What they do with that
is on them.
I'm not accountable
for their feelings
or how they perceive it,
make faces and stuff.
That's when I close in
and discover who I am.
And that's all part of
the finding out who I am
part of this new life,
second life I was given.
This is a b.a.r.
It's a browning
automatic r*fle.
It's .30 caliber.
It has a mean punch.
She's got 2 .45s.
I've got 2 six shooters
and one .45 shoulder holster.
When I walk the 2 miles
to the store...
When I feel apprehensive
and I look down at the jeep
and I know that they'll
protect me.
It's dolls.
There's a lot
of firepower in there.
And I make sure I put
the correct weapons
with the most firepower
in there before I take my walks.
It's just in case.
People don't know
I'm disabled.
They don't know that
I don't think correctly.
They don't know that
I have psychological
problems
like I'm always on guard,
always looking over my shoulder,
always worried about
being attacked again.
They just see me
on the outside.
Outside, yeah, I'm trying
to act like a normal human
so I don't
get attacked again
by the stronger ones.
I figured I'd go out and see
what was going on in town.
While I'm focused in
on what's going on
in my town,
this ss [bleep]
snuck up behind me.
And I don't hear him.
Brings me back to town
where all
of his buddies are,
and five of them figured
they'd have a little fun
with me.
And then it all
comes back again--
the attack,
those 5 scumbags, how bad
I want to k*ll them.
I hope mark is not
always haunted
by this experience,
but unfortunately,
this kind of thing
doesn't leave you
just because
the case is over.
I don't know if I'll
start ripping them apart.
I don't know if
I'm gonna want to k*ll them.
And I don't know
if it's gonna take like
8 police officers
to sh**t me.
There's no fair fighting
person that's been jumped
on from behind
and every memory
kicked out of his head.
There's no etiquette
to fighting after that.
Sorry, I get a little
angry and stuff
thinking about it.
After they get done
kicking and punching me,
they drag me in the church.
Figured they'd have
further fun.
There's that [bleep].
Happy what he did.
He's like, "good.
k*ll that hogancamp."
So deja thorus sensed
that I was in danger.
So she hopped in
her time machine
and used it just
to transport herself
as fast as a plasma jet
of a blazar,
which travels at 99.9%
the speed of light.
Like I imaged that
it happened in real life.
[Whispering]
there she is.
My savior.
And then, in like a belgian
accent girl voice,
"oh, my love.
Why would anybody do
such a thing to you?"
Since I can't remember
what happened in the bar,
what led them to beat me up,
I was told that I told them
that I was a crossdresser.
So that's what
I have been told happened.
So I think they...
I believe they attacked me
because I mentioned
that I was a crossdresser.
Man: we were in the bar.
The guy said
he was a crossdresser
and everything.
And I started figuring
out he was gonna get it.
I think freddy wanted
to beat his a*s.
He was saying,
"I have no problems
with anybody.
I have no problems
with anybody."
That guy didn't
do nothing to anybody.
I could tell he was
being set-up.
[Indistinct]
man.
When in doubt,
bring them all.
Got to bring
this [bleep].
I don't know if
I'll use all these,
but I bring them
anyway,
just in case.
I'm really, really
attempting to have
a positive look--
outlook on everything.
But it's that subconscious
fear that I still have,
you know, about being
hurt again.
That's the biggest fear.
I don't want to get hurt
mentally or emotionally
or physically ever again.
So that's why thank god
there's that other voice
in my head
that still didn't get broke
in that attack
that tells that side
that's so worried,
"hey, come on, don't think
about all that stuff.
"Come on, give it a go, man.
Do the show like you do
marwencol the story."
And since I was given
a second chance at life,
I want to live
this rest of my life
to the fullest.
I'm gonna do things I've
always wanted to do
but was always
afraid to do.
I'm gonna do them now.
You know, like wear
pantyhose, wear a skirt,
you know, wear heels
and stuff.
It's just--
it's good feeling.
I mean, I haven't
got up the gumption
to walk in public.
I don't know
how to be smooth.
That's my--i mean,
I don't know if I want
to look like james bond
or if I just want to look
like a hip artist.
I don't know.
But I'm representing myself
down there.
And I don't want to
wear anything stupid.
'Cause the first impression
is a lasting impression.
You know, that's what
leads me all the way
back to the suit.
But really--what I'd
really like to wear
is that long chiffon
slit skirt.
[Sighs]
but that's what
I'd like to wear
in my fantasy world.
These are meant for
women's dolls legs,
but they fit mine.
My figure,
2 or 3 times I put
tights under his pants
just to see
how that felt.
And I was like, no,
I'm still--
I don't want to come
out of the closet
in my town yet.
But my girls,
they know me better
than I know me.
You're gonna let me loose
in a land of people
that are like me--
greenwich village,
the weirdest place
on the planet,
where I could walk in
high heels and nobody
would care.
Some dude would say,
"hey, nice shoes."
"Thanks, man."
You know what I mean?
"I like your shoes, too."
You know what I mean?
It's, like, people like me.
Nobody cares.
They're all artists
and stuff down there.
So for me, it's gonna be
that's what I envisioned,
that's what I project.
I put them
like this.
You know, pull
the blanket over.
Then make sure that
nobody's hanging off
and they're
all tucked in.
Because
if they're happy,
it means
I'll sleep better.
I always see them.
They're the last things
I see before
I close my eyes
and go to bed.
[Whispers]
I love you.
That's just
how I say it.
Out loud
so I can hear it.
That's how often
I get out from here
to see real women
that wear make-up.
And something
other than sneakers
and jeans or boots.
[Indistinct chatter
on television]
I'm nervous.
I'm super freakin' tired.
My energy level--
the batteries are low.
I couldn't sleep last night.
I'm thinking about this
and making lists and stuff.
You know, and I'm making
another list now this morning.
Copying makes sure,
so writing it the second time,
you know, it's like, all right,
make sure I have everything.
I built marwencol for me,
for my therapy,
and now it's like everybody's.
Like, everybody wants to--
everybody wants to
play in it or be part
of it and everything,
and I don't want all that.
It's like this is
the one last thing
that I don't ever want
taken from me.
And it seems like it is,
but theoretically it's not.
It's still mine.
It's still mine.
[Horn honks]
I expected 98% of people
in greenwich village
to be walking on the street
in big feathers,
and outfits, and...
I'm glad I have the ability
to escape into
a fantasy world.
I'm real glad that
I have that ability
because those guys,
I thought, took it away.
I thought they took away
my imagination
along with everything else.
And like I've been
fighting to get balance
and everything else back,
you know,
I fought for my imagination,
to get that back.
And that's when
marwencol started.
The more I built and
the more I played around,
you know, and bought
figures and stuff,
the more the story just
came alive in my head.
So...it's gonna
go there.
Ok? The big one?
[Indistinct chatter]
mark: every time I see
marwencol the town,
it brings me right back
to when I started the town,
and how close and dear
it was to me,
and how much I wanted people
to know about my town
and to be part of my town.
That's why I started putting
people that I know in it,
is because I feel
so alone here.
And if I have an alter ego
from people that I know
in my town,
I can manipulate them,
make them do whatever i--
you know, I want.
And, you know, I'll be
surrounded by my friends.
Man: now look right dead
in the camera.
What do you think
about this?
That's a nice camera.
[Chuckles] no, the artwork
we have to look at today.
Oh.
There's no words.
I can't
think of anything.
[Footsteps
and indistinct chatter]
it's a suit-and-tie
thing?
No, no.
No, no, no, no.
You can wear
what you're
wearing now.
See what everybody's...
Yeah, this is what
I'll be wearing.
I want you
to be yourself.
You don't have to
feel like you have
to dress up.
That's all.
You can wear
whatever you want.
[Bleep] man's shoes.
They look all right.
Is my hair all right
and [bleep]?
Man: yeah, you look
great, man.
[Sighs] I look like
a beatnik artist?
[Indistinct chatter]
there's definitely been a strong
response to his work.
What I really love is for
somebody to come along--
and a gallerist,
or a dealer, or a curator--
and say, "this is really
interesting work.
I'd like to help him
show it on a regular basis."
I think that
the really ideal thing
would be for him
to know that when he
makes work from now on out,
there are gonna be people
ready and waiting to see it.
[Indistinct chatter]
I don't know what to say.
I don't know how
to speak to people.
They're big collectors,
they're big, important people,
but I have no idea
how to talk with them.
Should I
be writing [bleep] down?
Should I
photograph them? What?
You know, so the most I could do
to that big collector
was say, "you have nice shoes.
I like your shoes."
And she looked at me like,
"you're strange," you know?
Sorry, ladies before gents.
Yeah, go ahead.
In europe they always
offer a cigarette.
That's the one.
I have 218 pair at home.
Really?
Yeah.
Pictures or
pairs of shoes?
Really? Shoes?
Oh, women's, man.
It's like, when I'm stuck
where the movie's going--
the movie--
where the story's going...
I slip on
a pair of heels,
and the characters
tell me
where the story's
going next.
Hmm.
That's anna and I just
taking a ride yesterday.
Who's anna?
My wife.
See, the s.s. Sent
somebody there to k*ll me,
and all the women
of marwencol
stabbed the crap
out of him.
And I make sure that I turn
that damn flash off...
Oh, yeah.
'Cause the flash takes
50% away from the photo.
Oh, yeah.
Not one picture did I take
of my show,
or of people hanging out
at my show,
or...just shoe shots.
I was like an elephant
left in charge of the peanuts.
[Indistinct chatter]
[gasps]
[overlapping chatter]
that's good.
That's what he--
that's it.
All right, so long, ladies.
[Indistinct]
[birds chirping]
I went to his show,
and I sat there,
and I was looking,
and I was listening to people's
opinions about his stuff.
And I felt myself, like,
getting mad or defensive
about people who had
negative stuff.
Like, the one guy:
"oh, let's go look at
pictures of real w*r."
You know, like,
this is mark's real w*r.
[Birds chirping, dog barking]
my mind can't decide
what world to go for.
Realistic world?
But there's dangers out there.
People out there are so...
Real.
And I don't understand
all that.
I feel safe
when I get in my town,
and it just takes
everything away.
I prefer...
To live in my world.
I want to live here
in marwencol.
["Moonlight serenade"
by glenn miller playing]
my character in the story
had to create something
for himself
to deal with the trauma
that he still had
from being attacked by 5 s.s.,
And beaten, and kicked,
almost to death.
You know, so it was a lot
of wear and tear
on his mind and stuff, so...
You know, he found comfort
in building his own little
world, his own little town,
that's, you know,
peopled with little
1/6 scale dolls and figures
and stuff, and each
with a personality.
["Moonlight serenade" continues]
gonna need this...
Man: yeah.
If I want to cry. Heh!
This is me,
after the attack,
of course.
Always smoking. Um...
Man: how did it feel
watching it?
I was scared at first,
but curious.
And after me, you know,
picking myself apart,
like I'm too fat,
and I'm this and that.
Then I was like
it's not all about that.
It's not about
the appearance of it,
you know.
[Scoffs]
what do you think audiences
are gonna think of it?
What I hope that audiences
think about the film
is that it's all right
to be...
To be themselves.
It's ok.
You know, it's--
nobody has--
nobody on the planet
has any right whatsoever
to judge somebody else.
And that's...
That's what
I have to learn, too.
You know, that--
that goes for me, too.
I'm quick to judge
other people, too,
and I've got to stop.
And at least I'm aware
of that enough to know,
you know,
to rethink everything
and look at it
from a different,
you know, perspective.
[Telephone rings]
hello?
Hey, mom.
Good, good.
How you doing?
Yeah, he's filming me
right now
as we're speaking
on the phone.
Heh!
I just watched my movie.
He and I just watched
the movie.
Oh, my god. Heh!
It's so good.
He told the story--
my story--so well.
Because I never knew--
I never really wanted to
share it with anybody,
and then, you know,
I was curious to see
how he would
portray it, right?
And he told it exactly
as I would have told it
if I knew how. Heh!
Without, you know,
getting beat up again.
Coming soon to
"independent lens"...
In 1942, n*zi filmmakers
captured the essence
of life in the warsaw ghetto,
except it was all staged.
A newly recovered
reel of outtakes
shows a different story--
one of deception and cover-up.
With this footage and
the voices of the survivors,
can the record finally
be set straight?
"A film unfinished."
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Marwencol (2010)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters