Not Your Romeo & Juliet (2023)

[bunniefuu]

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(Micki panting)

- Did you get all that?

- Oh, I got it.

And I plan on using

it as evidence

when the men in

the white lab coats

finally come to take you home.

(rhythmic music)

- Hey, it's for science,

my psychology final,

a study in the willingness

for humans to engage in joy.

- Does it matter

that classes don't

start till tomorrow

or that you haven't signed up

for a psych class this semester?

- I might take one someday.

Besides, be prepared, that's

the Girl Scout's motto.

- That's the Boy Scout's motto.

- Then what's the Girl Scout's?

- Eat more cookies.

- You know?

Can you believe how many

people wouldn't dance?

- I know.

It was like there was an

outbreak of sanity on campus.

- Dance like no one

is watching people!

- Says the girl that had

me record said dancing.

- Dance like no one but

Kate is watching, people.

- That'll make all

the difference.

Ooh.

- Ooh, is it in there?

- Hmm hmm.

- Oh, come on.

- Aw.

- Hey, any chance you saw this?

- Juliet? I read

everything she writes.

Her romance column got

me through freshman year.

- So you like this

Juliet person?

Tell me what is she

saying this time?

- Sure, there are walls

between men and women,

but the true Romeo

leaps the garden walls

waiting for that true love,

the one willing

to risk the blade,

is the only road to happiness.

Women, wait for the real Romeo.

- I love hearing

those words out loud.

So tell me, is this

bordering on genius

or like extreme genius?

- Oh, good grief, shameless.

- We will talk later.

- Next, you'll be

signing autographs.

- Have my 8x10s ready to go.

- The anonymous love guru.

(phone notification beeps)

- You should try

romance, sometime.

- I did once.

Bobby Butler, second grade.

It was the worst

half hour of my life.

I still think I have

cooties. (shutters)

I was kidding about the cooties.

- I've gotta go home.

- Is everything okay?

- Yes!

- Dorms that way.

- [Micki] Home,

home, I'll text you.

(light rock music)

- Hi!

- Mom.

- You're back home already.

How quickly did you go

through your laundry, hmm?

(typewriter keys clicking)

You're a finalist.

- That's right!

Read it and weep,

journalism world.

- The Pealy Scholarship?

That's a full ride

to grad school.

- Really?

You'd think I would know that

since I'm the one

that applied, but.

- Sorry, this is

a lot to process.

Is this from your columns?

- I think so.

Professor Murrow said my

articles might be enough

to put me over the edge.

- Oh, I wish...

You know, dad would

be so proud of you.

- Me?

He would be so proud of you.

I mean, going back to

school at your age.

- At my age?

- I'm not saying you're old.

- Hmm hmm.

- I mean, you are ancient.

(Toni laughs)

I'm not saying it.

What I'm saying is, Dad

would be so proud of you.

- Mm, you are right about that.

He had the gift of

encouragement. (chuckles)

- Well, you two were

the perfect pair.

- Mm. (murmurs)

- Hold up, mom, is

this your textbook?

- Yeah.

- My gosh, he would not

have encouraged this.

You already read

the whole thing?

- Ah huh.

- Classes don't even

start until tomorrow.

- I believe in the Girl

Scout motto, be prepared.

- That's the Boy Scouts motto.

- What's the Girl Scout motto?

- Always store your Thin

Mints in the freezer.

- Ooh, practical,

those Girl Scouts.

- But mom, seriously?

You have to loosen up.

You're gonna be among

my people tomorrow

and we do not read

entire textbooks

before the start

of the semester.

- Oh really, what do you do?

- Live life.

Like YOLO, mom.

- What is YOLO?

- You something something.

You only laugh out...

You know, the point is, you

have to start living life.

It's expected of all

college students.

- I live life.

- Color-coordinated,

schedule down to the details

and neatly stacked in rows.

- The good life.

- Mother, make me proud.

Promise me that tomorrow,

you will do one wild

and crazy thing.

- Oh, wild and crazy?

Like your freshman year?

- Yeah, not that crazy.

And I paid back the bail money.

- So what does my wild and

wise daughter want me to do?

- Hmm, I don't know.

The universe will tell you.

- Oh, dear.

- Just wait for your

moment and go with it.

But you have to promise me

that you will do this

one wild and crazy thing.

- If I promise

to do one crazy thing,

do you promise to do

one sensible thing?

- Done?

- Oh?

- I always bring my

laundry home to to you.

- (laughing) Touche.

(light upbeat music)

- It's adorable.

After all this time,

she still lights up

when talking about him.

- You think she'll

ever find someone else?

I pity the fool who

tries to fill his shoes.

He completed her.

- Are you quoting a romance

movie or is that the A-Team?

- I was thinking of the

line from the Silmarillion.

All have their worth

and each contributes

to the worth of others.

- Right,

'cause haven't we all

memorized the Cinnamonroll-ian?

- Sorry for eavesdropping,

but that quotes from The Two

Towers, not the Silmarillion.

- Ooh, strange boy come to

mansplain Tolkien to Micki?

And I have a front row seat!

- Kate!

- She knows everything there

is to know about the Inkers.

- Inklings.

- Lewis, Tolkien and Williams.

- And Barfield, Dyson,

Harvard and Lewis.

- Yeah, she already said Lewis.

- Likely referring to CS.

I'm including his

brother Warren.

- Well, don't forget

Dorothy Sayers.

- Sayers was not

an official member.

- Only because she was a woman.

- I'll give you that.

- Ooh, he'll give you that.

Hey, follow through and

give her your number.

- Kate?

- I'm Noah.

- She's Micki Sayers.

- No relation to Dorothy.

- Too bad.

You might have been

eligible for the Inkers.

(light midtempo music)

(ladies laughing)

(light midtempo music)

- Can I help you?

- Morrison, 325.

The numbers don't seem

to go in order here.

- I think the idea is

to train the students

to follow their instincts

and not trust their minds.

- Interesting

academic technique.

- Making foolishness out

of the world's wisdom.

At least that's what we

tell ourselves when we goof.

325 is on the second floor.

- 300's are on the second

floor, below the 200s?

- Something about the

first shall be last, maybe.

Keeping the 300s humble.

I can show you, if you like.

- No, thanks, I got it.

- Okay.

(light instrumental music)

- One crazy thing, right?

Hold up.

I would love an escort.

(light instrumental music)

- [Oscar] That may be heretical.

- Good thing my dental

insurance covers orthodoxy.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh!

No, no, no, no, no.

You do not get to

make a joke that bad.

- Oh, girls just wanna

have pun. (laughing)

- Oh, I have been warned.

(both laughing)

So do you work here, as well?

- No, I'm...

No.

- It's too bad.

I was kind of hoping to see

you around campus a bit more.

- Oh, no, I'll be, I mean,

I don't technically

work for the university,

a g*n for hire.

I'm a consultant.

- Really?

- Hmm hmm, evaluator.

I evaluate classes,

professors for the school,

I evaluate things and give

my evaluations to the school.

- I see.

- Hmm.

- Well this is awkward.

- Oh, sorry.

You're a professor.

Of course.

- Not just a professor.

Apparently, the one you're

going to be evaluating.

It's my class.

This will be fun.

(students faintly chattering)

- Won't it though?

(students faintly chattering)

Eh.

- No way, why did you lie?

- My demon spawn told me to.

- (laughing) I told you

to do something crazy,

not crazy stupid.

- So how cute is he?

- Kate!

- What?

We were all thinking it.

- What did he say when he

found out you were a student?

- He didn't.

When he called "Toni

Sayers" taking attendance,

I just kept my mouth shut.

- Uh, so what does he

think your name is?

- Betty White.

What?

It was the first thing

to pop into my head.

I told him my parents

were Golden Girls fans.

- Mom, we need to give

you lying lessons.

Not that I've ever lied.

- Says, Juliet.

Speaking of romance.

- It's not a romance.

- Micki met a boy.

- Wait, you met a boy?

- And now it's time

to hit the books.

Never too early to

get a running start.

(Micki clears throat)

(pensive music)

- I'm writing a

letter to the editor,

or at least a strongly

emoji'ed text.

- What's got your

hair in a knot?

- Did you see the

romance column today?

- There isn't a

romance column today.

- Back page.

(air whooshing)

(typewriter keys clicking)

- Why should we leap over

walls put up by women

as a test of romantic ideals?

Men, can you think

of a single woman

worth playing these

kinds of games for?

Here's an idea, Juliet.

Tear down this wall.

Ah!

(pensive music)

(phone notification clicking)

- Good response, Addie.

15 is exactly correct.

Note that when

responding to a child,

you repeat the correct

answer in your response.

Shall we try another mock trial?

Kate?

(phone notification beeps)

If you have $5 and

you ask your father

for five more dollars,

how many dollars do you have?

- $5.

- I'm sorry, you don't seem

to understand your math.

- You don't seem to

understand my father.

(Hugo laughing)

(phone vibrating)

(cat yelping)

- It's a gif.

Of a cat jumping off a bed.

Badly, Kate, trying

to say hang in there.

- You shouldn't take

this personally.

- But I love taking

things personally.

Besides, his column

is a point-on-point

att*ck against mine.

- Healthy debate in

print is a good thing.

It's one of the positives

of the news media.

- I'll just trash his

sanctimonious butt

in my next column.

- And that's one

of the negatives.

Just focus on being you.

- I'll try.

- Oh, another piece of news,

there are two finalists

for the Pealy scholarship.

- I knew that.

Who's the other one?

You have got to be kidding me.

Who is this guy?

- You're gonna find

out soon enough.

The Pealy committee has

asked me to arrange a debate

between the two of you.

- Debate? On what?

- Focus of your columns.

Romance.

You get to express your

ideas out in public.

It's sort of a tiebreaker

for the scholarship.

- When?

- Last week of October.

I've set up a way for you two

to come out from

behind your bylines,

so-to-speak, and to discuss

and agree on the debate rules.

- Knives or g*ns?

(phone vibrates)

(dog howls)

Dog.

Also trying to hang in there.

(dog howling)

- Professor Lutton?

- Ah, Rose.

A flower by any other name

would smell just as sweet.

- Rose?

- From the Golden Girls.

Betty White's character?

- Ye...

- The actress you

were named for.

- Oh, right, Betty White.

That's me.

- What brings you to my office?

- Well, I had a question

on the text from class.

Niebuhr is quoted as saying-

- Just outta curiosity,

how many of these

course observations

are you going to be doing?

It's been two weeks.

- All semester.

My company's very thorough.

- I guess so. (laughing)

- Sorry to interrupt, Oscar,

meeting's been moved to four.

- Thanks.

- Hey!

Sorry, I don't think we've met.

Jim Marcus, ancient languages.

- I'm-

- Catherine Hepburn.

She's on our Title IX team.

We're just going over some

stats for the meeting.

- I've spotted the loons.

- Jim's a great guy,

but he really hates

class evaluators

and I wanted him to like you.

(light instrumental music)

- Okay.

(light instrumental music)

- Good slam, but

make it less direct.

One might say romance is dead

if one's heart were dead.

- Ooh, yeah, that's better.

- (clears throat)

When winter comes,

the winter wild that

hill and wood shall slay.

When trees shall fall

and starless night

devour the sunless day.

When wind is in the deadly east,

then in the bitter rain,

I'll look for the

and call to thee.

I'll come to thee again.

- Call 911.

I think he's having a stroke.

- It's not a stroke.

It's the song of the Ents

from Lord of the Rings.

- Call 911.

I think he's having

a nerd stroke.

- When winter comes

and singing ends,

when darkness falls at last,

when broken is the bear and bow

and light and labor passed,

I'll look for thee

and wait for thee

until we meet again.

Together we will take the

road beneath the bitter rain.

- Maybe I'm the one

having a stroke.

- Tuesday night, 7:00 PM?

- [Micki] I'll

check my calendar.

(Micki exclaims)

- Wasn't that the cutest

little nerd thing?

- You're just jealous.

- What's Evlish for "not?"

(upbeat music)

- Monkey's butt.

- Rebuttal?

- [Micki] Yep, rebuttal

is three minutes.

- I guess that makes sense

in a sick sort of way.

Is that a giraffe?

- Duh.

- Playing golf.

- No, giraffe.

How long is his neck?

How long do we speak?

And golf, because golfers say?

- Fore.

- Fore!

- Four minutes, you couldn't

have made a list like a person?

- Ew, that sounds so normal.

- Is that an elephant?

- Huh, no, that

one's just for fun.

I want Romeo to like

teeter on the edge of bit,

trying to guess what

the heck it means.

(both laughing)

And he's late.

Noah.

Hi.

- Micki. Kate.

- Doctor. Doctor. Doctor.

- Sorry, I haven't

responded yet, it's just-

- No, don't worry.

Busy, I know.

Both right? So maybe later.

- Yeah. Yeah, I'll text you.

Text you back.

- Right, right.

So uh.

Go, gotta go.

- Yeah, you gotta go.

- You cannot toy with that boy.

He has got it bad.

- Still, work before pleasure.

- Hmm.

- [Micki] Let's give this Not

Your Romeo, his poison first.

- You gotta make

time for love, babe.

You know where I learned that?

- Hmm?

- Your column.

- Oh, you've read my column?

- No, I'm waiting for the movie.

- [Hugo] Um, hello?

- About time.

You're Romeo?

- No, I'm Hugo.

- I mean, do you write the

column, Not Your Romeo?

- Yeah, that's me.

I write that.

I'm the Not Your Romeo guy.

- Oh, you are in my

Elementary Ed class.

- Yeah, that's you, right?

I'm Hugo.

- Yeah, I got that

the first time.

- I uh...

I play lacrosse.

- No kidding.

I always wondered how do you

get the stick up in the air

when your knuckles are

dragging on the ground?

- (chuckles) Nevermind.

Okay, Romeo, let's come to

an agreement on debate rules.

(curious music)

(curious music continues)

- The guy's a complete moron.

I don't think he can string

enough words together

to write his own name,

let alone a whole column.

- [Kate] It's the quiet ones

you have to watch out for.

- Kate is right.

Don't underestimate him.

Still waters run deep.

- I'm gonna mop the floor

with those still waters.

- Is that really the

right attitude to have?

- Absolutely.

- He is another human being.

- Please, sorry, I'm stuck

on the image of Mick mopping,

let alone cleaning anything.

- He's stealing my scholarship.

- It is not your scholarship.

- Can you mop our

dorm room with him?

The floor is sticky.

- Remember our rule.

If you're gonna be mom,

you can't study with us.

- Okay, okay.

- Unless being mom means

bringing homemade snacks.

Oh, cookie score.

- Why such the bookworm?

- Stupid professor gave

me a B+ on my last paper.

- So sorry.

- Sorry?

What's wrong with a B+?

- [Mick And Mom] It's not an A.

- Right. My bad.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

- Professor Lutton?

- Ah, the intrepid examiner.

You know you had me

worried back there.

You take copious notes.

- The topic is fascinating.

- And the delivery?

- Noteworthy.

- What can I do for you today?

- Well, I, I, I ran into

one of the other students

from our class, Toni Sayers?

- You need to tell

Toni to come to class.

Participation is

part of her grade.

- I will pass that along.

Anyway, she was saying

that you put a note

on one of her essays to ask you

about a poster for

an academic fair.

- I said that?

- Hmm hmm.

- Hmm, must have

been a good essay.

What grade did I give her?

- An A.

Not sure why it wasn't

an A+, to be honest.

- We don't give A+'s

at this institution.

- Oh, right, of course.

So about the academic fair-

- Now, Betty, you know,

I can't talk to you about

another student's work.

- Oh.

- FERPA.

- Oh, right.

- Oh, Dr. Johnson, I'll

be out in a second.

Oh, have you met Audrey Hepburn?

She's on the Title IX team.

- Audrey Hepburn?

- Her parents were

big Sabrina fans.

- Okay.

- Yeah, big Sabrina fans.

Really into teenage witches.

- Teenage witches?

- Which is clearly a show that

Audrey Hepburn was not in.

- [Dr. Johnson] Okay.

- You told the other guy my

name was Catherine Hepburn.

- I did?

Oh, sorry.

I can't keep my

Hepburn's straight.

Hey, it's not easy keeping

up a false identity.

- Tell me about it.

(reflective music)

(Toni sighs)

(dart thuds)

(lips trilling)

- [Hugo] Just relax

your shoulders.

- You don't sneak up

on a woman with a bow!

- Yeah, good advice.

- What are you doing here?

- I just, I wanted

to know something.

You never seem to

wanna speak to me.

Why?

- Are you kidding,

Not Your Romeo?

What would we talk about?

- We can talk about stuff.

What do you wanna talk about?

- I don't know.

Art, poetry, beauty, things

you wouldn't understand.

- Beauty, huh?

I get that I'm not

one for art or poetry,

but that doesn't mean I don't

know anything about beauty.

May I?

(classical reflective music)

For me, it's in nature.

(classical reflective

music continues)

One morning, I was

out in the woods,

the sun barely up,

and there was like this

mist covering the ground.

I sat at the base of a tree.

Maybe an hour, I

don't know. (chuckles)

I lose track of time out there.

(classical reflective music)

(Hugo sighs)

I feel him before I see him,

this deer,

buck,

coming out of the trees.

Antlers at full growth.

Muscle thick, tall, majestic.

(reflective music)

It's just me and him.

No other sounds.

(reflective music)

We make eye contact.

It's like the hush

of God's presence.

Peace.

Electricity.

(reflective music)

Me knowing that deer.

And him knowing me.

A moment outta time.

One sh*t.

(suspenseful music)

(dart thuds)

Straight to the heart.

That?

That is beauty.

- So don't take

this the wrong way,

but you are a horrible,

horrible human being.

- (scoffs) Is there a

right way to take that?

Here.

Just relax your shoulders.

You'll do just fine.

(car engine starts)

(midtempo instrumental music)

- I never grow

tired of that story.

- Have you ever seen

the original TV movie?

- No, I haven't.

I've read the book though.

- [Both] "A Grief Observed."

- Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

I tried to reread it though.

I can't get through

it without crying.

- I'm not sure I get it.

I mean, intellectually sure.

But from a life standpoint,

I guess I'm too young

or haven't lost enough.

- I thought I could

describe a state.

Make a map of sorrow.

Sorrow, however, turns out not

to be a state but a process.

- Whoa.

Sounds like you understand.

- Not understand,

but I do get it.

- Who?

- My dad.

I was nine.

(somber music)

- Sorry.

How'd you deal?

- Not all that

different from Lewis,

and dealing with the

death of his wife.

I was angry for a long time.

- At?

- God (laughs), I guess.

I mean, who else can

you blame for cancer?

But like Lewis said,

it's a process.

- Do you miss him?

Sorry, stupid question.

- (chuckles) No,

no, no, it's okay.

I mean, of course, I do.

He was perfect.

Him and my mom (sighs),

if only someday day I can

find half of what they had.

- I've never really

had my faith tested.

Stable home.

No desire to go all prodigal.

Wonder how I'll do

when the testing comes?

- You'll do fine.

Okay, let's talk

about something else.

- What, depression and grief

isn't romantic enough for you?

- Oh, I'll bring that

up in the debate.

- Let's not talk

about the debate.

- What do you wanna talk about?

- Nothing.

(gentle music)

Let's just walk.

- Yeah.

Sounds perfect.

(gentle music)

(midtempo upbeat music)

- I'm surprised to

see you awake at all.

What time did you sneak in?

- Not that late.

- And do I want to know what

the two of you were doing?

- Talking.

- Hmm.

- I would say, just talking.

But man, we went deep.

- You've been seeing each other

for about three

weeks every night.

And all he's interested

in doing is talking?

- I'm not saying that.

I will say he's been

the perfect gentleman.

- Mm.

- You should have taken

Lit & Culture with me.

- Why, is it good?

- She's making us read Electra.

- (gasps) Oh, I love Electra.

- I know, hence me wanting

you there, to copy your notes.

- Electra rocks.

She really knew what she wanted.

- She k*lled her mother.

- Well, we don't all

have mothers like yours.

- Excuse me.

- Well, if it isn't

the romance k*ller.

- [Kate] Deer k*ller.

- [Hugo] I come unarmed.

- And what did you come for?

- A truce.

I was hoping this debate

thing could, you know,

not come between us all?

- There's a between us all?

I didn't know that.

- Hugo, dear boy,

you can't blast

me from the paper

and expect it not to

reverberate to real life.

- The internet has

given too many people

a sense of anonymity.

Life is life, dude.

- But uh.

- Spit it out.

- You publish your

column from a fake name.

So anonymity? (whistles)

- The boy makes his mark.

- Good point. Good point.

Okay, then, let's go public.

Attention please for an

important announcement.

The mysterious

columnist, Juliet, is me.

And Not Your Romeo is none other

than our dear friend, Hugo.

Next month we'll be debating

our points of view on romance.

But for your viewing pleasure,

we'll give you a

preview of it now.

Hugo.

- Yeah, go on.

- What, no, I'm-

- Chicken?

Afraid to be exposed for

the fraud that you are?

Let's have at it.

As you all know,

Romeo has declared that romantic

love is a waste of time.

- I never, I mean in context-

- That's Shakespeare,

Austen, Shelly,

and Keats are all hogwash.

His opinion.

Does science take his side?

Is Romeo aware that simply

reading romance lowers stress,

decreases the chance

of heart failure

and increases brain function?

- I, I didn't know that.

- Hmm, so what do

you know, Romeo?

Why are you so

afraid of romance?

Because it's a confidence

boost for women?

Are you afraid of

confident women?

I can list the benefits

of romantic love all day.

Can you give me one negative?

- I don't wanna do this.

- Just give it a sh*t.

- Um, Plato.

- What about Plato?

- He thought that romantic

love was, well, horrific

and what it made people do.

- So your argument is that

Plato doesn't like love?

- Well no, he did.

- Did or didn't?

Make up your mind.

- He did like love,

just not romantic love.

For him, brotherly

love was more ideal.

- Hmm.

Well it sounds like poor Plato

got friend zoned too much.

He couldn't get a girlfriend.

So he decided love without

romance was the real deal.

What about you?

Friend zoned too much?

Is that why you're so

bitter towards women?

- Micki, come on.

(suspenseful music)

- Now that we've

exposed Not Your Romeo,

let's really expose him.

Have a girlfriend, Hugo?

Ever have a girlfriend?

Ever talk to a girl? Hmm?

(suspenseful music)

Just as I thought.

Repression is not a good

basis for an opinion!

This debate is gonna be a whole

lot easier than I thought.

- I don't think you

had to be so personal.

- Oh, everything is

personal in love and w*r.

- Felt a bit more like w*r.

Who are you looking at?

- Noah, he's gone.

Oh, well.

(playful music)

- Prof, you said

you need to see me?

- Oh, Betty, glad

you could make it.

Look who's come for a visit.

(playful music)

- Yeah.

- Dr. Linda West.

The Dr. Linda West,

President of the ECEEA.

- The uh?

- East Coast Educational

Evaluators Association.

Your accreditor.

(playful music)

- Right, the old ECAE...

A.

(playful music)

Dr. West, I don't think

we've ever officially met.

- I don't think we have.

And there's a very

good reason for that.

- Yes, there is.

- I was just elected. (laughing)

I have not been able

to visit your chapter.

I am so sorry.

- Oh right, sure.

Of course, that is

why we haven't met.

- Hmm.

What chapter are you from?

- Oh, you know the one

that covers this area?

- Bloom's Pedagogical Division

or the Kentucky Accurate

Assessment Association?

- That first one,

the Blooms thing.

- Oh, good.

We have so much to talk about.

- Oh, oh, yummy.

- All this insider talk

is making me feel lost.

- We do not wanna make

you feel left out.

So why don't we talk

about something else?

- No, no, no, no.

I enjoy seeing you

in your environment.

Please, make

yourselves comfortable.

(playful music)

- She said if we needed

an ice cream break,

she picked up something

from the store.

- How much did she get?

(phone notification beeps)

- Well, she says all of it.

- What flavors did she get?

- What flavors did she get?

(phone notification beeps)

Well, she says all of them.

- Must have been

a rough afternoon.

- Yeah, or something.

(phone notification beeps)

- Hey, girls aren't

allowed on this floor past-

- How dare you!

That is so offensive.

I'm not a girl.

- I, I-

- I'm a woman.

- I, I-

- Shame! Shame!

- Wha, I gotta go.

- He does have a point.

It is after 11.

- Well, yeah, I know,

but I wanna celebrate

our victory over Romeo.

And I want Noah in

on the celebration.

- You just want Noah so you can-

- Oh no, no, no,

no, don't say it.

Or no ice cream for you.

- Lips sealed.

But I do think you went a

little overboard with Hugo.

- Yeah, I know.

I kind of got caught in the

moment and went all stupid.

But I'll apologize to

him next time I see him.

But party first, apology second.

- Think your boy toy could

have met us someplace

a little less disgusting?

- Well, he hasn't

answered any of my texts.

So the mountain has come to him.

Wait, wait, hold on.

I think this is it.

- What are you doing here?

Girls aren't allowed

on the floor.

- Not a girl, woman.

Yeah, that covers

it, shame, whatever.

- We are here to celebrate.

- Celebrate what?

- My victory today.

- You mean when you

embarrassed that guy

in front of the whole campus?

Was that fun?

- Fun?

- To hurt someone?

He didn't ask to be

treated like that.

I don't feel like having

this conversation.

Please, go.

- No, I'm not going

until we talk this out.

- Hey, I have an idea.

How about we talk this out

a little more out of sight?

- Don't go in there.

- Oh, don't tell me you

have a girl in your room?

- I just got done talking

about not girl woman thing.

How are we supposed

to make progress whe-

Uh, either he does

have a girl in his room

or that pile of

clothes is possessed.

- Noah?

- That's not a girl.

It's my roommate.

- Then why is he hiding?

- Crap, I wish it was a girl.

Hugo, come out, come

out wherever you are.

- Your roommates with Romeo?

- Oh, I think it's a

little worse than that.

You wanna know why Hugo

is so poor at the debate?

He's not our guy.

- This is another Romeo column.

Your handwriting.

What gives?

- Tell her.

She's a little

slow on the uptake.

Hugo's not Not Your Romeo.

He is.

- When I went to the

debate prep meeting,

I saw it was you,

that you were Juliet.

I didn't want to

jeopardize, whatever.

So I sent Hugo in

to pretend to be me.

- Well...

Consider our

whatever jeopardized.

- That's a pretty good idea

now that I've seen the real you.

- Seen the real me?

I opened up to you

about my father.

Things that nobody

else knows about.

And the whole time

you were lying to me

about who you were?

- I wasn't lying.

- Oh so what?

Dating me was just a way to

get a leg up on the debate?

You (grunts).

I thought you were. (sobbing)

(Kate scoffs)

(ambient music)

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

- [Woman] Who?

What was his name again?

I can't remember. (laughing)

You told me I was special

Didn't mean it or whatever

I may have been sore

But I'm staring

to feel better

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I've

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

- I've just never seen

you so well groomed

- Well, one should never

neglect personal hygiene.

Cleanliness is

next to godliness.

- Right.

Roommate for three years,

and not once did I

see you make your bed.

- I don't know what

you're talking about.

- Has she been dressing

like this every day?

- Hmm, every day.

She did the laundry.

Mopped the floors.

Scrubbed the toilets.

I'm really frightened.

- Okay, um, yeah.

And these are?

- Potential plans

for the future.

Organized by cost,

time for delivery

and feasibility in

the current climate.

- Hack into his financial aid

and double his student loans?

Hire an assassin

on the dark web?

Develop an immunity

to iocaine powder

and challenge him

to a battle of wits?

- Yeah, I should put

that one over here.

It's gonna take too much time.

- Wow, you are really hurting.

This level of

organization is well like,

your mother.

- I know.

My rock bottom.

- Hey!

- [Kate And Micki] No offense.

- It's just he hurt me.

Is it wrong to fantasize

about hurting him back?

- As long as it stays

in the world of fantasy.

- Well, the real world

solutions on the right.

Fantasy on the left.

- When are you coming

back to campus?

- I'm not.

I've got a new career goal.

- [Kate] What? Destroy Noah?

- Well, people have had

fulfilling lives at less.

- What happened to

the carefree girl

that danced across campus?

- I guess she found out people

were watching after all.

- So the men win again?

- What you talking

about, Willis?

- Noah is on campus

living his life

like nothing ever happened.

He won.

He destroyed you.

- He did not.

- But it's okay because you

as a weak, feeble female,

it was inevitable

to end this way.

- You can't goad me.

Okay, what should I do?

- Okay, go back to your life.

- Good point.

Besides, then I can

gear up for the debate

and humiliate him publicly.

Good plan, Kate.

(birds chirping)

- Fancy meeting you here.

- You sent me a note saying,

will you meet me at

the archery range?

- Yeah, that was me.

- Which you threw at

me as a paper airplane

during a lecture like

an eight-year-old.

- That is a bit of

an exaggeration.

- Will you meet me?

Check box, yes or no?

You even wrote it in crayon.

- Well, it's Elementary Ed

and I turn into a third

grader in Elementary Ed.

- What do you want?

- Micki's miserable.

- Good!

- She's miserable because

she really, really likes Noah

and she has a hard

time hating someone

that she really, really likes.

- Double good.

- Right. So how's Noah?

That's what I thought.

They're supposed to be together.

When they're apart,

they're miserable.

And as long as they are

miserable, I'm miserable.

- So what do you

supposed to do about it?

- Easy.

(upbeat music)

We bring them together.

(upbeat music)

(engine revving)

(people indistinctly chattering)

- Shh!

(people indistinctly chattering)

- [Kate] Whatever happens

though, don't leave me.

- I'm not gonna leave

you with some creepy guy

as your study partner.

- Right and to be clear,

he was assigned to

me for the project.

Not my choice.

- Yeah, I got you.

- Okay and sorry in advance.

- Sorry? For?

What do you want?

- I believe you've met Hugo

from my Elementary Ed class.

- He's the creepy guy I

have to do the project with?

- I'm the creepy guy.

- And why is

loiter-sack with him?

- Because I don't wanna

be alone with you two.

- I see why you didn't tell

me who you were meeting.

I'm out.

- Dude, I'm invoking bro code.

- Well, I'm out.

- No, no, no.

I have to stay and when

a girl needs a friend...

- Okay.

- Hey.

- I feel sad for you.

No sense of romance.

- Did you know that

for most of history,

society thought of love

as a horrible sickness?

- Really?

A disease that makes

someone want to live

for another person?

Sounds awful.

- It drives people to

make stupid decisions.

- It drives people to do more

than ever thought they could.

- Take Romeo and Juliet-

- That's not a romance!

It's a tragedy.

- Their love was cut short.

- Because they made

stupid decisions.

Juliet should have

married the man

her father picked for her.

- Oh, and live in a tragedy

rather than die in a tragedy?

Is that what you think?

We should go back to

arranged marriages?

- There are our worse things.

- Uh, guys.

- Oh, wow.

Too bad we didn't stay together.

I bet my dad could've gotten

two cows and a chicken for me.

- Don't oversell yourself.

- Noah.

- And don't undervalue

freedom for women

to choose their mate.

There are still

plenty of countries

that sell women like cattle.

- I'm not saying that!

- Then what are you saying?

- What I've been

saying all along.

Romance makes people

do stupid stuff.

- Like you dating me?

- Like me dating you!

(librarian clears throat)

(footsteps thudding)

(footsteps continue thudding)

- They let you publish this?

- She practically

forced them to.

- "Why all men are nauseating,

a partial listing."

It is two pages long.

- Yeah, that's why

I said partial list.

- She has united

the women and men.

They both hate the paper.

- Oh honey.

- I know, I know!

I was just so mad.

- Don't make her angry.

You wouldn't like her when

she writes when she's angry.

- Thanks a lot.

- Anyone up for

breakfast at Tiffany's?

- Oh, sorry, girls.

But you are on your own tonight.

I have been invited to

a university fundraiser.

- Oh, are we meeting teacher?

- No, I mean, he will be

there, but not like that.

- (laughs) Does he still think

you're one of the Hepburns?

- Yes, he is having a hard

time keeping his lies straight.

I'm having trouble keeping up.

- Mick, breakfast at Tiffany's?

- Can't, just thought of

more things to add the list.

This column is a two-parter.

(midtempo instrumental music)

- Keep an eye on her.

(midtempo instrumental music)

(phone keys clicking)

(midtempo instrumental music)

(midtempo instrumental

music continues)

- [Toni] I'm sorry, where

am I supposed to park?

- Uh, you don't park, ma'am.

I park.

- Oh, right.

Of course.

(midtempo instrumental music)

(midtempo instrumental

music continues)

(midtempo instrumental

music continues)

(swanky jazz music)

(people chattering)

(people laughing)

(swanky jazz music)

(people chattering)

- Audrey, Oscar was just

telling me about you.

- Right, I'm Audrey.

Of course, I am.

And you are?

- Oh, so sorry.

Grace, Francis, president.

(Toni nervously chuckles)

Of the university.

- Oh, right. Sorry.

Right, uh.

So very nice to meet you.

- Pleasure is all mine.

Oscar says you are considering

a donation of a

significant size.

- Donation to?

Oh, right, I am

at a fundraisers.

- You must tell me

more about your father.

- Hmm?

- Oscar says he was a

big Honeymooners fan.

That's why they

named you Audrey.

- I'm sorry, I'm not tracking.

- Audrey Meadows.

Your dad, the founder

of Meadows Meats.

I'm sorry.

You are Audrey Meadows?

- To the moon, Oscar.

To the moon.

(swanky jazz music)

- Can't believe

I agreed to this.

- Your mother said get

you outta the house.

This is out of the house.

Besides, you've been looking

forward to the screening

of you know, for ages.

- The Bakshi animated

Lord of the Rings?

On the big screen?

You're right, I'm excited.

- Here's our row.

(gentle music)

- [Micki] Noah and Hugo?

- You have got to be kidding me.

- I am so out of here.

Whoa.

- This will not be in theaters

again in our lifetime.

- And we are gonna

sit someplace-

- No, because this place is

packed and these are our seats.

So come on, don't let him win.

Excuse us. (clears throat)

Excuse me.

(gentle music)

- You guys want some popcorn?

- No.

- No!

- I'd love some, starving.

Didn't have anything

for dinner except,

you know, sarcasm and

rants against men.

- You had a double

decker burger.

- Rants make me hungry.

- I'll split it with ya.

- Do you mind?

- Yes, I do.

Switch seats with me.

- What?

- Switch seats with me.

So I can get as much of

that free popcorn as I want.

- I'm not switching

seats with you.

- Hey, sit down.

- Yeah.

Dude, you are getting

between me and free food.

Switch!

- Move it.

- Okay. Okay.

(gentle music)

- Well played.

- Oh, yeah, no, I just

really like popcorn.

- You know, the armrest

is not solely for you.

- Not yours either.

I paid just as much as you did.

- Come on.

I've waited 10 years to see

this movie on the big screen.

- Great, got a

manspreader next to me.

- Oh, you want me to manspread?

How's this?

- Typical.

- Of course, I'm typical.

All men are the same to you.

- I mean it, shut up.

- Why don't I mansplain

what manspreading is to you?

It's when a man-

- You know, I'm gonna take

some of that popcorn now.

- Whoa.

- This means w*r.

- Hey!

- When you say banned for life,

do you mean my

life or your life?

Dang it.

I really liked this theater.

(air whooshing)

- Plan C it is.

(pen scribbling)

- And the yellow?

- People who think

I'm Audrey Hepburn.

Well, the first layer is people

who think I'm Audrey Hepburn.

The second layer

are people connected

to the first who think,

well, might think so.

- This is a lot of lies.

- I know.

Think I have enough yarn?

- Not nearly.

Wait, 500,000 for

the Meadows Complex?

- We might be funding

a new athletic center.

Reminds me, you weren't planning

on using both your kidneys,

were you?

- Mom, this is too much.

- I know.

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

- Me?

I said do one crazy thing.

One.

- It is like potato chips.

You can't stop at one.

- Well, I'll donate

Kate's liver.

- Why, you still think

she's setting you up?

- Something's going on with her.

- Maybe she just

wants you happy.

- Maybe.

Purple?

- People think my

name is Toni Sayers.

- I'm the only one

that connects to.

- Special bond of

mother and daughter.

(both sighing)

- I adore when professor

Michael speaks.

- Don't be mean.

He's diagnosed with narcolepsy.

It's not his fault.

- Well, we get to sleep

through his talks.

It's only fair that

he gets to, as well.

Oh, hey, Hugo!

Wait up!

- Kate, what are you doing?

- Listen up.

Because I'm only going

to admit this once

and you are clueless.

I like Hugo.

Like, like him, okay?

And I've been trying to

get his attention all week.

And you've been blowing it.

- Come on.

- No, no, no, serious face.

Believe me.

We are going to walk

across campus together.

- Oh, no.

- And you are not

going to cause a scene.

I repeat not.

- I'm not going-

- Going to cause a scene

because you owe me this one.

Hmm?

- Fine.

- Fine.

I think she bought it.

- Well, they're not fighting.

So far so good.

- Yeah.

- You look cold.

Here, take this.

- No, thanks.

- No, no, no.

- I'm fine.

- It's the kind of thing a guy

would do for a lady he likes.

- Right. Right.

- Here.

- Crap, it might be real.

- I was afraid of that.

- We gotta sell this, right?

- Good point.

- Hugo doesn't fall

easy, but when he does.

- Neither does Kate.

She has a general

disdain for romance.

Hates my column.

Which makes her a good

sounding board for it.

- If we really wanna sell it.

(Kate and Hugo laughing)

- Hugo loves your column.

- You're kidding?

- He's the reason I wrote mine.

Came out of our arguments.

Still haven't won him over.

The dude's favorite

movie is The Notebook.

- Kate said he was a hunter.

- So?

People have been hunting

since the dawn of time.

You don't think people

with big hearts existed

before vegetarianism

became a fad?

- I'm just saying it

doesn't fit the image.

- Stereotype much?

- I promised Kate

we wouldn't fight.

How about we don't talk at all?

- It's a deal.

(upbeat music)

- Sure it won't hurt

your romance when I

destroy Hugo's best

friend tonight?

- Ha, I was actually

hoping the two of you

would end this whole

debate thing by now.

- (scoffs) Not in your life.

In a few hours, I

get me some payback.

- Getting ready

for a sound check.

Please speak in the volume

you plan on using tonight.

- Crushing defeat volume.

Got it?

Hold on, Mick.

(phone notification beeps)

Something's up.

- We have to cancel.

- What's going on?

- My folks? They um.

- His parents were

in a car accident.

He's texting his

brother right now.

- Gosh, are they okay?

- We don't, they were

taken to the hospital.

Greg's been trying to get me...

(medical machine beeping)

We have to cancel.

- Daddy?

(medical machine

beeping rapidly)

- [Toni] It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

(medical machine beeping)

- [Micki Voiceover] Daddy!

(medical machine flatlines)

- I have a car.

- Can I borrow it?

- You're in no condition.

I'll drive.

- It's four hours away.

- I said I'm driving.

Get him packed.

Make sure he has

things like a phone,

a wallet, overnight stuff.

- Got it.

- Tell Murrow,

I'll get mom's car.

- Okay, yeah, but we'll

first, we'll just...

(somber reflective music)

(somber reflective

music continues)

(car engine revving)

(somber reflective music)

- Thanks.

- No problem.

You sure you're gonna be okay?

- Yeah, my brother

will take me home.

- Well, text me with any updates

and I'll see you back on campus.

- I don't...

I mean...

- That's what friends are for.

(tense music)

(reflective music)

(Micki sobbing)

(reflective music)

When I'm in pieces

You find a way to

put me back together

I kept it a secret

So nobody knew that

I could be better

So will you hold on

when I can't be strong

There's nothing

left to do on my own

I'm holding my breath

I'm giving my best

But I can't do

this without you

- Hey, any word?

- They're out of the woods.

- Okay.

- His dad's home already.

His mom comes home tomorrow.

- Oh, thank God.

- Noah's gonna stay

there for another week,

help Greg out.

Notice how we pray a lot

more when bad things happen?

- Lewis's megaphone.

- Except when I was angry

at Noah, I stopped praying.

I didn't talk to God at all.

(reflective music)

- Why do you think that is?

- Because I knew in my heart,

that God would tell

me to just grow up.

(Micki sobbing)

(reflective music)

I need you beside me

I'm tired of fighting

I just want to be

right where you are

'Cause right

now I'm drowning

I'm lucky you found me

You pick me up when

my world falls apart

(gentle music)

- Mom?

- Huh?

- Tell me again how you met dad.

- Oh, boy.

I was doing books for the

company he worked for.

I had to go into the office

because he was missing

receipts from a trip.

- Now, hold on.

I thought you said you met

dad at an office party.

- No, the Christmas party

was when I realized that I

was in love with your father.

I met him in his office.

- I always thought this was

a love at first sight thing.

- Oh, heavens, no.

Your dad was so

irritating when I met him.

He could not hold onto a

receipt to save his life.

- How?

How long did you know him

before you guys fell in love?

- It was about

six months for me.

Well, he says it was love

from day one for him,

which I doubt.

I was his nemesis. (laughing)

- Can't see you two

as nemeses, nemosis

or whatever. (laughs)

- Well I dogged him so bad.

He claimed after the fact

that he was sloppy

with the books

just to get me to

see him all the time.

- But it wasn't true?

- Oh, he could not keep his

checking account straight

after we were married, so no.

- Can't see you two as

opposites in anything.

- Product of a

selective memory, hun.

Think about it.

And I am sure you will remember

all kinds of ways

that we did not align.

- I thought you

guys were in love.

- We were,

just not the kind of love

you're thinking about.

See, romance stories

are just misleading

'cause they're all about

how two people get together.

- Okay, but isn't

that what romance is?

I mean, Romeo sees

Juliet across the room

and his heart is gone.

- Ah, until the next

week when he realizes

Juliet farts, snores

and hogs the blankets.

- I didn't realize

you hated romance.

- I love romance.

Just not that cotton candy kind.

Real romance is two people

working on themselves,

on their relationship

with each other,

on their relationship with God.

- But love shouldn't be work.

- But love is work.

A willingness to work.

God loves us, yeah?

- Duh.

- Easy for Him?

- Point taken.

We certainly don't make it easy.

- Umm hmm.

- So have you hated my

column this whole time?

- Oh, I adore your column.

Just thought it was naive.

- Hmm.

- Almost as naive

as Noah's responses.

Ah, which reminds me

I need to continue

removing the detritus

of my own naivete.

- What you gonna do once

that wall is cleaned up?

- Make an appointment

with my professor.

- Eh.

- Hmm hmm.

(gentle music)

(Toni sighs)

- Hey!

- Hey.

- So, you're back?

- Apparently, I have a big

debate to attend tomorrow.

- Oh, of course.

Saw the video of your mom.

She's moving around real good.

Ready for the dance floor.

- Got your likes.

Mom laughed at your comment.

- It was stupid.

- Good to see her laughing.

So I've been...

- Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

- Listen.

Thank you for everything.

- Oh, it's nothing.

Anyone would-

- No, listen.

Thank you, for everything.

- You're welcome.

(reflective music)

- So that stupid promise to

do one wild thing snowballed.

I have no idea why I kept it up.

- Thank you for telling me.

- You don't seem too surprised.

- Oh, no.

I knew who you were all along.

That first day in the hall,

you showed me your form with

the room number on it and-

- And my name was on the form.

- Your name was on the form.

- And you didn't say

anything because?

- Well, I was a little confused

when you didn't

answer the roll call,

but, uh, you were just so cute

when you told me you

were Betty White.

- I'm so embarrassed.

Wait, hold up.

You told people I

was other people.

- Oh yeah, that was fun.

Don't worry.

They were all all in on it.

Nobody thinks you're either

Katherine or Audrey Hepburn.

- Or Audrey Meadows.

- No, the president does

think you're the heir

to the Meadows fortune.

- Oh, that's okay.

My daughter doesn't

need her kidneys.

- One more confession.

I haven't read any

of your essays.

- Oh, that cannot be

quality instruction.

- I sensed a

chemistry between us,

wouldn't be right to grade you.

So I had Dr. Marcus

grade all your essays.

- Nobel of you.

- He thinks you have potential.

- He has taste.

- Followed by two

minutes of rebuttal.

And then we'll end with

five minutes summations.

Good?

All right.

Micki?

Call it.

- Heads.

- Heads it is, your choice.

- I go first.

- Have a good debate.

- Break a leg.

- You, too.

- Hey, before this

turns into whatever,

you free Monday night?

- Wow, that's a

distraction tactic.

- No, not a date.

Sorry, I found a copy of

Bakshi's Lord of the Rings

and Gary, my friend

over in media,

says the screening

room is open on Monday.

Just for you, not me.

Not a date.

A chance for you to see

it on the big screen.

'Cause I kind of

ruined the last-

Nevermind.

This was stupid.

- No, it's sweet.

Thank you.

- Without further ado,

Mikayla Sayers and Noah Haynes.

(audience clapping)

Opening statements.

Sayers will begin.

- Thank you, Dr. Murrow.

And thank you all for attending.

And thank you Noah for

helping me change my mind

about what to do tonight.

Before I begin, I never

apologized to Hugo.

What I did that day in the

student center was mean

and uncalled for.

Please forgive me.

Tonight, we are here

to debate romance.

We each hope to

destroy the other

through our verbal gymnastics.

Two orators enter the ring,

only one gets out alive.

(gentle music)

The entire idea of what

we're doing here tonight

proves that we have no clue

what we're talking about.

The very idea of

love is, is not this.

Love is not about

crushing the other.

It's not about bragging rights,

who's right or even who's best.

Tearing someone down,

demanding a surrender,

that isn't love.

It's not about winning.

If there is winning and losing

in love, then it isn't love.

So maybe we should stop

looking for romance

and look for love instead.

Because love is

about communication.

It's about listening

more than talking.

Love is about the other.

Love is about

what's best for all.

Love believes.

Love hopes.

So, here's my proposal.

Let's skip the debate.

Admit right now

that it's pointless.

Instead, let's have

a conversation,

starting with, I don't know,

starting with,

here's what I hope,

starting with,

what do you think?

So, what do you think?

(gentle music)

- Let's do it.

(gentle music)

- Okay, scary time.

Listening.

You all talk to us.

What is love?

- She's serious.

Tell us what you're thinking.

What is love?

- I mean, God, right?

- Safe answer.

Let's go deeper.

- My grandfather.

- What about him?

- He left everything to

come to this country.

I mean, everything, just to

give his family a better life.

- Sacrifice, yeah,

now, we're talking.

And that ties into your

safe answer, right?

Love sacrifices.

What else have ya got?

- Where you going?

- They got this.

Our work here is done.

- Oh, okay.

Well, what does that mean?

- It means we don't

have to pretend

to like each other anymore.

Thank you for your service.

(gentle music)

- Oh.

(gentle music)

(paper plane thuds)

(pensive music)

Oh.

(pensive music)

- Your kid is doing great.

You should really be proud.

- Oh, I am, very much so.

Listen, all this

talk of romance,

I feel like there's

something I should clear up.

- Oh, and just when

our relationship

was starting to feel so normal.

- Yeah, okay, um.

You said earlier something

about chemistry between us

and I kind of let that slide.

The thing is, yes,

there is this chemistry,

but I can't,

it has been a while

since my husband d*ed

and I am getting there, but

I am just not there yet.

- No, I'm sorry.

I should have been more clear.

I can't date you.

I'm your professor.

Ethics apply, even students

who are closer to my own age.

- (laughs) Right, of course.

I just didn't wanna

read too much into-

- As long as you're in

my class, well then-

- No, message received.

- Just do me one favor.

- Of course.

- Don't take my

class next semester.

(light upbeat music)

- I can do that. (laughs)

(upbeat music)

- [Noah] Hey, there.

- Thanks for coming.

- Good talk last night.

So much better than a debate.

- Yeah, I thought so too.

- And congratulations

on the scholarship.

Prof Murrow called me this

morning with the news.

- Noah, I'm so sorry.

- If I learned anything

from our debate,

it's to be happy for you.

- Thanks.

So?

- So.

- Not at all awkward. (laughing)

- I'll start.

I'm hoping you asked to

meet, to maybe talk about us?

- Yeah, I'm not

ready to dive back

into a boyfriend

girlfriend thing.

I mean, there's still a

lot I need to think about.

- Right, no, me, too.

- But I was hoping maybe

we could start again

with a clean slate.

- Can the clean slate

begin with dinner?

- It's like you read my mind.

- You did ask to

meet at the bistro

so it wasn't that far of a leap.

(gentle music)

- Oh, and just to clarify,

that quote from the day we met,

it's Silmarillion, I checked.

- At least I was right

that it was Tolkien.

- You were right.

It was Tolkien from

the start! (laughs)

- Hey, uh, nerds.

Go get your own table.

- Yeah, we are so out of here.

Yeah, let's go.

(gentle music)

- They are such book geeks.

So now, where were we?

- Favorite archers

in literature,

left off with Katniss.

- Legolas.

- No way.

You only thought of that

because of the book nerds.

- Uh, so? Your turn.

- Clint Barton.

- Do comics really

count as literature?

- Duh.

Just because you

add art to the words

doesn't make the words

any less literature.

- Fine, Susan Pevensie.

- (laughing) Nerd.

(gentle music)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(engine whirring)

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

- [Woman] Who?

What was his name again?

I can't remember. (laughing)

You told me I was special

Didn't mean it or whatever

I may have been sore

But I'm starting

to feel better

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm signing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

I don't need you

no more, ever

Cruising in my own lane

Finally got it all together

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

I try to save face

But you're not worth

my second chances

So baby, you've been

holding me for ransom

It's so much better alone

with me, myself and I

So I'm gonna keep

singing, bye, baby, bye

Bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I've

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

Singing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

I don't need you

no more, ever

Cruising in my own lane

Finally got it all together

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I've

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

("Bye Bye Bye" by

Brooke Daniel Way)

Bye, bye, bye

I try to save face

But you're not worth

my second chances

So baby, you've been

holding me for ransom

I'm so much better alone

with me, myself and I

So I'm gonna keep

singing, bye, baby, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

'Cause now I'm doing me

I'm living up the dream

The sky's the limit and I've

got other responsibilities

'Cause now I'm doing me

It's time to do my thing

Raise my voice and sing

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

Out of my sight

and outta my mind

All those lies will get

your some time, you'll see

I'm singing bye, bye, bye

Bye, baby, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye