03x04 - Disorder in the Court

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth? I do.

What is your name?

Gail Tempest.

What is your occupation?

I'm a dancer.

On the night of February th,

were you working at
the Black Bottom Café

when this m*rder was committed?

Yes.

But I didn't do it.

Then who k*lled Kirk Robbin?

I don't know.

Didn't you k*ll Kirk Robbin?

I object, Your Honor.

And ask that the last question
be stricken from the records.

It is merely an attempt
to influence this intelligent,

broad-minded
and most intellectual jury.

[CROWD MUTTERING]

Objection sustained.

Thank you, Your Honor.

That is all.

[SQUAWKING]

Find the letter.

Quiet, Polly.

If it please the court,
Your Honor,

at this time
I would like to introduce

my three main witnesses,
Howard, Fine and Howard.

[CLEARS THROAT]

They were here a minute ago.

Will you pardon me, Your Honor?

I'll be right back.

[CROWD MUTTERING]

[CHATTER]

Hey. What's the idea
of spoiling the game?

I was for onesies.

Well, here's twosies.
[CRIES OUT]

He was in onesies,
you gave him two--

Here's fivesies. Oh.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

Don't you realize

Miss Gail Tempest's
life is at stake?

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh.

Aah. [GAVEL BANGING]

[RATTLING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[GAVEL BANGING]

Will you gentlemen

please try to be a little more
quiet in the court?

Certainly, Judgey.

The gate is locked.

Will you please step forward?

No, no, no.

Prepare yourself
for the witness box.

[GAVEL BANGING]

Take off your hat.

Now, raise your right hand.

Now, place your left hand here.

Take off your hat.

Raise your right hand.

Now, put your left hand here.

Please take off your hat.

Raise your right hand.

[WHINES]

Now, put your left hand here.

Will you please
take off your hat?

[ANNOYED] Raise your right hand.

Hm.

Now, put your left hand here.

Take off your hat!

Raise your right hand.

Will you get rid of that hat?

Raise your right hand.

Raise your right hand.

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Huh?

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Are you trying to
give me the double talk?

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Why don't you answer him?

He's talking pig Latin.

I don't know what he's saying.

He's asking you if you swear--

No. But I know all the words.

He's asking you if you'll
swear to tell the truth.

Truth is stranger than
fiction, Judgey-Wudgey.

[WHINES]

Kindly address this court as
"Your Honor."

And take the oath.

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth?

Certainly. What have I
got to lose?

Take the stand.

Where will I put it?

No, no.

Take the stand.

I got it. Now,
what'll I do with it?

Sit down!

[CROWD LAUGHS]

What's the matter with you? Oh.

Come on.

You're in a court.
Not in Clancy's poolroom.

Sit down.

I'm a victim of circumstance.

Sit down. Who you hitting?

Oh! Go on. Get going.

[NYUCKS]

Oh. Get out of here. Be quiet.

[WHINES]

[BANGS GAVEL]

Proceed with the case.

Were you in
the Black Bottom Café

on the night
of February the th?

[SNAPS] Certainly.

Did you at the time
see the defendant,

Miss Gail Tempest,

in any way, shape, or form,

commit or try to commit

bodily harm to
the deceased Kirk Robbin?

I object, Your Honor.

Counsel is trying to
lead the witness.

JUDGE: Objection sustained.

Mm.

DEFENSE: Mr. Howard. Did
you see Miss Gail Tempest

in physical fight
with Kirk Robbin?

If it pleases the court,

may I suggest that counsel
be instructed

to allow the witness
to testify to what he saw.

I say, Jasper, uh,
what comes after ?

Seventy-six. That's the spirit.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[CROWD MURMURS]

Request granted.

Proceed with the testimony.

Mr. Howard... kindly tell
the court what you know

about the m*rder of Kirk Robbin.

Well, it was like this,
Mr. Court--

Address the judge
as "Your Honor."

Well, it was like this,
My Honor--

"Your Honor." Not "My Honor."

Why? Don't you like him?

[SIGHS]

Allow the witness to proceed.

The court understands him.

Thanks, Courty.

You're a pal.

Well, me and my pals,
we're musicians.

We were tearing up
some hot swing music

in the orchestra.

Gail over there
was swinging her fans.

Her sweetie, Kirk Robbin,

was inhaling a bottle
of hooch at a table.

And a hoofer
by the name of Buck Wing

was getting ready
to shake his tootsies.

Kindly speak English
and drop the vernacular.

Vernacular?

That's a derby.

Drop the vernacular.

No, no. Not that.

Talk so the jury can understand.

Is everybody dumb?

Say, Judgey, if you let me,

my partner and Gaily

kind of act it out for you,

we'll show you
just what happened.

If counsel doesn't object,
that's an excellent idea.

PROSECUTOR: No objections.

No objections. No objections.

Nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Okay, Gaily.

[CROWD MURMURING]

[PLAYS]

[PLAYS]

[PLAYS]

[TAPS FOOT THREE TIMES]

[PLAYING LIVELY DANCE SONG]

[GAIL TAPPING]

A tarantula.

[ALL SHOUTING]

Get it away from me.

Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Ow!

What's the matter with you?

MOE: I k*lled it!

What's the matter with you?

Oh. A field mouse.

Stand back. It's
liable to bite you.

Tarantula?

Shot five holes in a divot.

Get out of here. Go on.

Wasted five good slugs on a--

I'll sue you for this.

Oh, superstitious, eh?

CURLY: Oh, Vici Kid.

Gentlemen, you must control
your k*lling instincts.

Proceed with
the testimony, please.

Proceed.

Pro-- Ow! Mm.

[PLAYS]

[PLAYING LIVELY DANCE SONG]

That was sure hot, Moe.

[HARMONICA PLAYING]

Hey, Larry.

Listen.

[HARMONICA PLAYING]

[PLAYING]

[CROWD LAUGHS]

You got it.

Please omit the rest
of the entertainment

and continue.

Now, Gaily's dance was over.

I stuck my head
in the office door,

and I saw Kirk Robbin
and Buck Wing

arguing over by the parrot cage.

DEFENSE:
What were they arguing about?

I don't know.
But Buck Wing was sizzling

like a hot hamburger.

He grabs Kirk by the neck,
like that, see,

and drags him over to
the letter press, see?

[WHINING, CHOKING]

Then he smacks him
on the head, like that. Oh.

Then he pokes his coconut
into the letter press,

see, like that. Then he says:

"I'll squeeze the cider
out of your Adam's apple."

Then he gives him the works,
like this.

[WOOING]

Then he keeps turning...

and twisting. [SQUEAKING]

And that, ladies
and gentlemen, is--

[CROWD MURMURING]

[GROANING]

What's the matter,
do you want to k*ll me?

[POUNDS TABLE]
Why, it's preposterous.

When the police
broke into the office,

they found this woman--
the defendant, Gail Tempest

bending over the body
of the m*rder*d man

with a revolver
clutching in her hand.

Which only goes to prove
that my client is innocent.

Innocent? Exactly.

And I'll prove it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the action

of this p*stol is so hard...

it would take the strength

of a mule to pull the trigger.

Try it.

I'm no mule.

No, your ears are
too short. [WINCES]

Come on.

Mm. So I'm a mule.

Pull the trigger.

Never fear. It's not loaded.

Hm.

Nyuck, nyuck.

[CLICKS]

How could Gail Tempest's
frail little finger

pull the rusty trigger

of that instrument
of destruction?

See, there was nothing in it.
[g*nsh*t]

[CRIES OUT] [GASPS]

Ooh.

Broad Lane, .

After : .

[WHOOPS]

It's stuck. Help me. Oh.

[WHOOPS] What-- What's the-- Oh.

DEFENSE: Oh.

Oh.

What'd you do
with my boutonniere?

Give me that thing.
What happened?

Don't point that g*n at
me. What happened?

What happened?

CURLY: Woo.

MOE: Every man
for himself, fellas.

CURLY: Here. Take it.

Ah, there you are, boss.

You was called to be
a witness, wasn't you?

Certainly. So was you.

What are you butting in for?

You're supposed to be
a good one, ain't you?

Well, ain't I?

Then what are you disturbing
the court for?

Nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck-- Oh!

Get going.

[MUTTERING]

[SQUEAKS]

[SQUEAKS]

Stop chewing that gum.

Certainly.

Will you throw that gum away?

Look, I got rid of it.

[GUM LANDS]

[CROWD LAUGHS]

[BANGING GAVEL]

Wait a minute. Hold still.

I'll get it.

Ow!

Ow, my nose.

[STAMPS TWICE]

Woo! Woo!

[SCREAMING]

Hey, you're in a court.

Not in the woods, Tarzan.

Cut it out. Oh.

Come on.

Order in this court.

[SQUAWKS]

Find the letter.

[SQUAWKS]

Find the letter.

What does this parrot mean

by "find the letter"?

There's a whole pile
of letters there.

Must be here.

Look. There's a note tied
to the parrot's foot.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on, Polly, Polly, Polly.

Come on.

Ouch! [SQUAWKING]

LARRY: Look out, here it comes.
MOE: Catch that parrot.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SQUAWKING]

Hey.

Oh. My Stradivarius.

Oh, my beautiful Stradivarius.

Grab your ear.

Come on. Ooh! Oh!

[SQUAWKING]

Oh.

Find the letter.

Find the letter.

How will we get him now?

Let's get some salt
and put it on his tail.

That's no way to get a parrot.

You got to wet his feathers
so he can't fly.

Oh, don't do nothing
till you hear from me.

Come on.

Give me a hand.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

What do you mean--?

I object, Your Honor.

These proceedings,
this courtroom--

Mm. What's the idea?

[WHINING]

Give me that hose.

Due to the a--

What? Wha--

We gotta get that parrot.

Hey, you.

PARROT: Oh.

What a night.

Shut that off. Wait a minute.

I'll have to tie a knot in it.

Give me that. I-- I got it.

Got it?

Get this:

"Who k*lled Kirk Robbin?

"I k*lled Kirk Robbin. And not
with my little bow and arrow.

"Don't try to find me, as
I'm shuffling off to Buffalo.

Signed, Buck Wing."

Hurray! [CHEERING]

Hurray!

We're free!

You freed her.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Just a second now.

[HISSING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Now... ready?

Hold it.

[ALL SCREAMING, YELLING]

[♪]