(crowd cheering)
REPORTER: It was a storybook ceremony
today inside Westminster Abbey,
where the future king of England,
Prince Philip, Duke of Cambridge,
married his childhood sweetheart,
Lady Martha Fitzroy.
Thousands came to cheer the couple
and to cheer the prince's younger brother,
Prince Henry, known affectionately as
"Prince of England's Hearts,"
and their younger sister,
Princess Beatrice,
whom all the world adores.
The wedding reception boasts
a who's who of international guests,
including Alex Claremont-Diaz,
the charismatic son
of the American president.
(over phone speaker): Also representing
the U.S. is Nora Holleran,
- the vice president's granddaughter.
- (Nora gasps)
She's talking about us.
Mr. Claremont-Diaz is often referred
to as "the American Prince Henry."
(Nora scoffs)
Hey. Here's an idea.
How about we skip the party tonight
and go do touristy things instead?
No. Are you crazy?
I want to see Buckingham Palace,
don't you?
Mm.
Okay, you've been yucking my yum all day.
What's going on with you?
It's... it's the whole
Prince Henry comparison thing.
NORA:
Mm.
(Alex sighs)
He's spent his entire life
attending fancy events like this.
He was trained for this.
I feel like if I use the wrong fork
at dinner, they're just...
gonna eat me alive.
Just remember, you're handsome
and charming and everyone loves you.
It's nice to see you again.
- (quiet chatter)
- (camera clicking)
When the revolution happens,
it will be because of this wedding.
Oh, shut up, Henry,
and get into the spirit of the thing.
- Oh, hello. Hi.
- Oh, hello.
The cake alone costs 75,000 pounds.
They practically had to break
the doors down to get it inside. (chuckles)
It's obscene. (grunts)
(grunts)
You're not gonna want to hear this,
but that Prince Henry is so yummy.
Nora, no.
- He's such a snob.
- I don't know, man.
If I was gonna go for a rich white boy,
that is the rich white boy I'd go for.
But he's the worst kind of rich white boy.
So smug and entitled.
NORA: He's a prince, Alex.
He's literally entitled.
- Oh, you know what is obscene?
- Hmm?
Is how attractive the president's son is.
Have you ever met him?
HENRY:
Yes, a few times.
He's very... animated.
He's the world's rudest person.
He's the world's most irritating person.
Also, I swear that he is not six-two.
(laughs):
It's wonderful to see you.
Nice to meet you as well.
- I have heard so much about you.
- Oh-oh.
You're sticking with me tonight.
Come on. Here we go.
How's it going?
(scoffs)
(lively chatter)
(string ensemble playing classical music)
Ooh, I'll take that.
Oh, that's nice.
Henry!
(chuckles):
What's up?
Long time no see.
(glasses clink)
Alex.
k*ller wedding, man.
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
Ah, yeah.
Who doesn't love a little Mozart?
Actually, it's Schubert.
Although you got to wonder
how many families
you could feed with what this cake cost.
(chuckles)
Probably not as many as if
we put your shoes on auction.
(scoffs) Rude.
HENRY:
Hello there.
Tell me something, Your Majesty.
HENRY:
Magnificent day.
Yes, Alex?
Uh, did your parents send you
to snobbery school
or does looking down on people
just come naturally to you?
Well, in your case,
I would say it's rather inevitable.
- We are the same height!
- If you say so, Alex.
- Great to see you.
- You, too, Your Majesty.
Actually, it's "Your Royal Highness."
"Your Majesty" is reserved for the king.
Oh, thank you for the etiquette lesson.
You are desperately in need of one.
You know what?
(Alex gasps)
(groaning)
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Uh...
(Henry mutters, grunts)
(Henry chuckles)
- (Henry and Alex arguing quietly)
- (classical music continues)
ALEX:
I can fix this, I can fix this.
HENRY:
That is 100-year-old whisky.
Just-just give me your handkerchief.
(quiet arguing continues)
ALEX:
I-I got it.
Got it.
It'll be fine.
(Alex grunts)
(crowd gasps, murmurs)
No, no, no, no, no, no!
(crowd exclaims)
(cake creaking)
(crowd gasping)
Oh!
(crowd exclaims)
Oh.
Henry!
(crowd murmuring)
(camera clicks)
("Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett playing)
I don't give a damn
'bout my reputation
You're living in the past,
it's a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do
And I don't give a damn
'bout my bad reputation
- Oh, no
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no
- Not me
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me
And I don't give a damn
'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted
to improve my station
And I'm only doing good
when I'm having fun
And I don't have to please no one
And I don't give a damn
'bout my bad reputation
- Oh, no
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no
- Not me
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me
- Oh, no
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no
- Not me
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me
I don't give a damn
'bout my reputation
I never been afraid of any deviation
And I don't really care
if you think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
And I'm never gonna care
'bout my bad reputation
- Oh, no
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no
- Not me
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me
- Oh, no...
- (song fades)
Darling, you've done some pretty stupid
things in your day, but this...
Takes the cake?
Oh, you hear that, Zahra?
He's opening with a joke.
Maybe he can host
the Correspondents' Dinner next year.
- Oh, I'd be down.
- No.
I sent you to London
with some pretty simple instructions:
represent the family at the royal wedding
and don't cause an international incident.
Henry shoved me.
An urge I currently share with the prince.
We have spent the last three years
negotiating a new trade deal
with His Majesty's government.
Thousands of hours, gallons of tea.
Before this weekend, I had a higher
approval rating than the prime minister.
Hell, I was outpolling the Spice Girls.
And overnight,
you've managed to undo all that.
Ma, you know by next week,
no one will be talking about this anymore.
And really, no reasonable person is
gonna even pay attention to that article.
- (Zahra clears throat)
- PRIME MINISTER: The British people
deserve better from our closest ally
than this juvenile stunt.
And it certainly casts a pall
over our negotiations.
I'm on the ballot again in 14 months,
and I need the farming exports
and the manufacturing jobs that this deal
provides to take to Midwest voters.
I'd argue that
you don't actually need the Midwest
and there's a path to reelection
without the...
You don't want to hear from me today.
What I need from you,
sunshine of my heart,
is some good old-fashioned damage control.
Zahra will explain everything.
(sighs)
I'm really sorry, Mom.
I know you are, baby.
That's why I need you to fix it.
(footsteps departing)
- Ah! Zahra!
- assh*le! (grunts) Idiot!
- What are you... Stop!
- (frustrated grunt)
You're flying back to London tonight.
What? Why?
To undo all the damage you've done.
The White House and the palace
are gonna release a joint statement
explaining that what happened at the
wedding was a complete misunderstanding...
Yeah, which it was.
...and despite rarely having time to see
one another, you and Prince Henry
are in fact close personal friends
and have been
- for the last several years.
- Zahra.
This is a fact sheet on Prince Henry.
Memorize it.
- He's not six-foot-two.
- (sighs)
- And does he get a fact sheet on me?
- Yes.
And I can assure you that making it
was one of the most depressing moments
of my career.
And I once saw Mitch McConnell
eating a banana.
Can I just point out that the royal family
are purely figurehead?
They serve no elective role whatsoever.
Oh, unlike you,
whose role is clearly spelled out
in Article Nothing
of the U.S. Constitution!
- (laughs mockingly) Zahra.
- And you are going there to work.
No hookups, no partying.
You can hate Prince Henry all you want,
but the minute you see a camera,
you better act like
the sun shines out of his ass
and you have a vitamin D deficiency.
- You know...
- And there is no getting out of this.
Oh, yeah? What if I set myself on fire?
We'd ship the ashes to Heathrow.
Mother: Her Royal Highness,
Princess Catherine, Duchess of Edinburgh,
firstborn child of His Majesty,
King James III. Ha.
Did you know she started
her own climate nonprofit?
That's pretty cool.
Do you want to switch jobs this weekend?
No one in their right mind
would ever give you a g*n.
Henry's father, go.
Arthur Fox,
beloved English stage and film actor.
- d*ed of cancer three years ago.
- I remember that.
- What's the name of Henry's dog?
- David. (chuckles)
I mean, really, who names their dog David?
You know I have a shih tzu named Jonathan.
Yeah, I still maintain that's weird.
That's my son you're talking about.
- He is super cute.
- He is. You want to see some pictures?
- A hundred percent.
- Okay.
("Duda Dance" by ENN playing)
Hey, no, no, no, hey, no, no, no
Hey, no, no, no, no.
(song fades)
Mr. Claremont-Diaz,
welcome to Kensington Palace.
Shaan Shrivistava, Prince Henry's equerry.
Nice to meet you, Shaan.
Didn't expect to be back
in England so soon.
No one is more mystified than I.
So what exactly is an equerry?
Do you, uh, handle the horses or...?
I am His Royal Highness's
personal attendant.
- So you're the butler?
- I'm not the butler. I'm the equerry.
And back we go to my original question.
- What is an equerry?
- Me.
(tires squealing)
It seems to offer
It's got nothing to do with you...
Here comes His Royal Highness now.
Yeah, up the hill backwards.
- (tires screech)
- (music stops)
You've got to be joking.
Alex. It's good to see you.
Sober.
One of our photographers will now take
some pictures of His Royal Highness
welcoming you.
Well, don't I get to shower
and change first?
I'm afraid we're on
a very tight schedule, sir.
ALEX: Oh, my God,
wouldn't want to screw up the "shedyule."
You must stand to the right
of His Royal Highness.
- Is that protocol or just his good side?
- Both.
- Shall we do this?
- Yes, sir.
They're all yours, Jamie.
(camera clicking)
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Big smiles for the camera, please.
(Henry chuckles)
My NDA is bigger than yours.
I want you to know that.
You're wearing lifts.
I know that, too, sweetheart.
- Are we finished here?
- Yes, Your Royal Highness.
d*ck.
(quiet chatter)
Hey, Shaan, you think
maybe I could get a little...?
You're fine.
Thank you.
- Thank you, Shaan.
- Whenever you're ready.
(woman shushing)
- WOMAN: Quiet, everyone.
- (Henry sighs)
Uh, can you two scooch in
a little closer together?
(Henry chuckles softly)
Now, you've been mates since you met
at the Melbourne Climate Conference
several years back.
Is that correct?
Yes, yes.
Uh, we hit it off instantly.
Yeah.
- It's like we'd known each other all our lives.
Right?
Yep.
Wonderful.
So, Alex, what do you think
of jolly old England?
I-I really love it here.
I've been a few times
since my mom was elected.
I love the people, uh, the beer,
the dogs that, uh, that wear the sweaters.
- (chuckles): Yeah.
- Well, actually we say "jumpers."
(chuckles softly)
Alex has very strong opinions,
and-and he shares them loudly.
What three words would I use
to describe Henry?
White, blond and British.
One thing I most admire about Alex is
his willingness to admit when he's wrong.
Wonderful, wonderful trait to have.
You don't know this,
but Henry does the best freestyle raps.
- Well...
- Come on.
- Do a little for them.
- No.
- That's not why...
- She wants to hear it.
Remember that one that was just like...
(humming a tune)
Don't you do an incredible
Barbra Streisand impression?
- (laughs)
- Voice of an angel this one, really.
I love hanging out with this guy.
Now, I have to ask this...
...because it's all
anyone is talking about.
How on earth
did you end up on the floor...
...in Buckingham Palace...
...covered in cake?
Actually, it happens more often
than you'd think in the palace.
In the reign of Queen Victoria,
they were having food fights all the time.
Vicky. (laughs)
Classic.
HENRY:
Hmm.
- (siren wailing)
- (traffic passing)
- Do you know who this is?
- (cameras clicking)
Well, his mum is
the president of the United States.
And my mum is the Duchess of Edinburgh.
Which means that his mum outranks my mum.
What do we think of that?
(laughter)
Do you visit this place a lot?
Every couple months.
Never with photographers, though.
- (loud popping)
- GUARD: This way! sh*ts fired!
AMY:
Stay down.
- Ow! Get your hands off me!
- (alarm ringing)
- Knee. (muttering)
- Ow!
(both grunting)
Okay. You are sitting on my leg.
ALEX:
Are you serious right now?
(both panting)
(indistinct shouting in distance)
(indistinct radio transmission
in distance)
- Santal 33.
- Yeah?
- Makes sense.
- What do you mean by that?
- It means you got good taste, Alex.
- Thanks.
And why do you dislike me?
(objects clattering)
(grunting softly)
Climate Conference in Melbourne.
First night party.
I went to introduce myself to you,
and you looked at me like I had head lice.
Then you turned to your equerry and said,
"Get me out of here."
I didn't realize you'd heard that.
So you do admit
that's a douchey thing to say.
I could have been nicer.
(objects clattering)
All right, what else?
It couldn't have just been the conference.
(objects clattering)
Oh, my God, it is.
(laughs):
It is, isn't it?
- Don't minimize it.
- Uh, uh, how could I possibly?
It's already as minimal as it gets.
Are you, are you seriously telling me
that one meeting, years ago,
in which, yes, I admittedly acted
ungenerously towards you,
h-has occupied such a vast mental
and emotional space in your head?
Okay, sure, when you put it like that.
But it was my first foray
into the world as a public figure,
and I was really scared,
and you could've helped me and you didn't.
(Henry sighs)
You're right.
I'm sorry I was a prick to you. I...
It's no excuse, but I was a prick
to everyone in those days.
My father had d*ed a few months before,
and the palace insisted
on parading me around.
For the record... (chuckles softly)
I-I didn't say, "Get me out of here."
I said, "I need to get out of here,"
which is a different thing entirely.
Oh.
Well, now I feel like I need to apologize.
thr*at neutralized.
Some kid brought fireworks for his friend.
When you say "neutralized..."
It's good he's already in the hospital.
(footsteps departing)
(Alex sighs)
Okay.
And then they became friends.
- (talking indistinctly)
- (laughing)
Well, we survived it.
That means we never
have to see each other again.
Wrong. You're expected
at my New Year's party.
No, I hate New Year's.
Wow. Most people would k*ll
to get an invite to my party.
That's perfect.
Then k*ll me and I won't have to go.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Some photos,
Your Royal Highness? Mr. Claremont-Diaz?
I think we're supposed to shake hands now.
I know, I know. Stand to your right.
- (cameras clicking)
- PHOTOGRAPHER 2: Alex?
(photographers murmuring)
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Okay, thank you very much.
ALEX:
Well, I need to get out of here.
See you in a few months, Your Majesty.
Later, Shaan.
RACHEL MADDOW: But I think it's telling
that, in it, no matter how silly
the so-called cake-gate controversy
may be, and it is very silly,
you can already see the potential outlines
of what President Claremont's campaign
could be about next year, right?
And in so far as it concerns the
president's trade deal with Great Britain,
well, the first son's
charm offensive this week
has helped his mother's campaign.
- ALEX: Hey, Dad.
- Hey, mijo.
I watched your committee hearing
on the flight home.
- Yeah, you and three other people.
- (sighs)
You should be tougher
on those agribusiness mofos.
Well, maybe I can get you
to push them in a cake for me.
What's your beef with him anyway?
I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy.
Oh, come on, Dad.
He's elite and privileged
and lives in a palace.
What? What's that?
I'm just brushing that
working-class chip off your shoulder.
Hey, you and mom taught me
to question authority.
Mm.
Meanwhile, you're now elite
and privileged and live in a palace.
And your mom is the epitome of authority.
It's funny how life works.
Although, speaking of your mom's
authority, don't tell her I was smoking.
- Have a nice day.
- Thanks. You, too.
Alex.
Hey, Miguel. What's up?
- ACD, slumming it in Shaw.
- (chuckles)
Got a minute?
Yeah, I could hang.
Nice damage control this weekend.
I had no idea you and the prince
were such good friends.
Yeah, well, neither did I.
Hey, you mind if I put
my journalist hat on for a sec?
Only if you actually have
one of those journalist hats
like they do in the old movies.
Promise I'll wear it for you sometime.
- (chuckles)
- Is your mother's campaign nervous
the Republicans are gonna
nominate Richards?
(scoffs) The only Republican
who makes us nervous is Abraham Lincoln,
and I doubt he's running.
You see?
This is why I ask you these things:
because you give me quotes like that.
- You have to let me use it.
- Not a chance, Miguel.
You are such a tease.
How about
"sources close to the president"?
I'm gonna pass.
(groans, mutters)
(chuckles)
Bueno, lo intent.
We should hang out again sometime.
Off the record, of course.
It's been a while.
Yeah, well...
school's been crazy lately.
Yeah, you're always running at full speed.
That's what makes you so charming.
That and your eyelashes.
I should get going.
- Qu bueno verte, Miguel.
- Lo mismo, Alex.
(pen clicks)
(phone chimes, vibrates)
(chuckles softly)
(laughs)
(chuckles)
(lecturer speaking indistinctly)
(computer chirps)
What?
(laughing)
Sorry.
I hate the tie you're wearing in Vogue.
It's so boring.
What do you have against color anyway?
Gray is a color, thank you.
HENRY: I just received a parcel
of your mum's old campaign T-shirts.
Is this your idea of a prank? (chuckles)
ALEX:
The next box is full of thongs.
HENRY:
I first read Zadie Smith as a teenager.
ALEX: You absolutely have to read
Another Country by James Baldwin.
HENRY:
The Picture of Dorian Gray.
ALEX:
And Love in the Time of Cholera.
HENRY:
Also Madame Bovary.
ALEX:
I'm sending you a copy.
HENRY: That's the thing that people
don't understand about Byron's poetry.
H-He was single-handedly responsible
for every romance ever written
in the last two centuries.
And that's not even considering
his personal life.
I'm blocking you
for the rest of the night.
He had London under his spell.
(gobbling)
HENRY (over phone):
Good God, man, what have you done?
So, there's this American tradition
where the president pardons a turkey
before Thanksgiving.
HENRY:
I don't understand.
Don't you have to commit a crime
to be pardoned?
Don't look too closely at it.
I found out that they keep the turkey
in a luxury hotel suite
the night before the ceremony.
I mean, can you think of anything
more wasteful?
Oh, perhaps this conversation.
Anyway, I convinced my mother's staff
to keep it at the White House,
and they put the little assh*le
in my room.
Don't ask mummy for a pet
if you can't take care of it.
Why are you awake?
Because some bellend decided to call me
at 3:00 a.m. to talk turkey.
What's a bellend?
Look it up.
I'm also a world-class insomniac.
I'm in bed with my dog watching Bake Off.
It never occurred to me
that the royal family watches television.
Well, we all share the same password.
You're more of a human than I thought.
Wow, thank you, Alex.
That is so flattering.
No, I just mean you don't seem like
the kind of person
that would name their dog David.
Well, he's named after Bowie.
- Wait, seriously?
- Hmm.
That's way cooler.
Why not just call him Bowie, then?
(smacks lips)
It's a bit on the nose, don't you think?
Have I surprised you in any way?
Nope.
You are just as ghastly as I imagined.
(sighs)
(Alex laughs)
- I'm hanging up now.
- No, I'm hanging up on you.
Fine.
Have it your way.
That's what the big red button is for.
Good night.
- (turkey gobbling)
- (groans)
("Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
by Billy May playing)
(song ends)
Has anyone on the campaign
actually read my Texas strategy memo?
What Texas strategy memo?
I think I have my answer.
Alex, this isn't a really good time.
I have a ton of work.
Can you just...
Yeah, just make yourself at home, kid.
- Okay, here's the deal.
- (sighs)
I wrote a 14-page memo detailing
how we can win in Texas next year.
I spent weeks working on it.
I think it's a viable plan
that you should take seriously.
I emailed it to senior campaign staff
three weeks ago, and I've heard nada.
Did anyone ask you to write this memo?
- No, I took the initiative.
- Yeah.
If there's one thing
people on campaigns hate,
it's when the candidate's family
takes initiative.
Zahra, there are good ideas in here.
I really want to help.
You do help.
You are genuinely useful.
Yeah, for, like, photo ops and New Year's
parties and stupid sh*t like that.
But I can be doing so much more.
Will you please read my memo?
Fine.
- Thank you.
- Now get the hell out of my office.
Oh, one more thing.
Uh, has your new buddy, the prince,
confirmed for your New Year's party?
Zahra, did you not just listen
to my entire soliloquy?
Alex, I've got the prime minister
coming in town next month for a visit.
You want to help your mother's campaign?
Make sure Prince Henry
comes to your party.
People like him more than they like you.
Well, they wouldn't if they knew him.
Later!
("That Thing You Do (Lhotse Remix)"
by Ellem playing)
(lively chatter)
I like that thing you do
I like that scent you wear
I like your faded jeans
Oh, yeah...
(laughs):
Oh, look who it is.
Nice tie. Rocking the orange.
Orange?
You must be color-blind.
This is obviously copper.
You are so annoying.
Nora, this is my best mate, Percy Okonjo,
who has been begging me
for an introduction since the wedding.
Miss Holleran, you are the most exquisite
woman I've ever seen in my life.
I would love to procure for you the
most lavish drink in this establishment.
Well, it is an open bar
and a free-ish country,
so only the Secret Service can stop you.
I've been drunk since Christmas.
You got to catch up.
(laughter, lively chatter)
("chalo Pa' Ca" by Sofa Reyes,
Darell and Lalo Ebratt playing)
(song continues with lyrics in Spanish)
(Alex and Henry talking indistinctly)
- Hey! How are you doing?
- Oh! Hey.
- Good. How are you?
- Good. Have we met?
Uh, Henry.
- That's Henry.
- That's Henry. (song changes)
Oh, my God, we got to dance. Come on.
- You're not gonna dance?
- You go ahead.
All right, be right back.
("Que Calor" by Major Lazer,
J Balvin and El Alfa playing)
(song continues with lyrics in Spanish)
("Tit Me Pregunt" by Bad Bunny playing)
(song continues with lyrics in Spanish)
You don't dance?
The ballroom lessons
didn't exactly cover this.
All in the hips.
Loosen up!
- (laughs)
- (song changes)
- (crowd cheering)
- Oh, my God!
This is the song of my childhood!
("Get Low" by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz
featuring Ying Yang Twins playing)
- You're dancing.
- Oh...
Three-six-nine, damn, you fine
Hoping she can sock it to me
one more time
- Get low, get low
- Get low
Get low, get low, get low, get low
(crowd singing along):
To the window
- To the wall
- To the wall
- Till the sweat drop down my balls
- My balls...
I'm sorry. Did he say,
"Till the sweat drops down my balls"?
- Yeah. (laughs)
- Till all skeet-skeet...
Come on!
- Till all skeet-skeet, m*therf*cker
- m*therf*cker
- Till all skeet-skeet, g*dd*mn
- g*dd*mn
- Let me see you get low
- You scared, you scared
Drop that ass to the floor
You scared, you scared
- Let me see you get low
- You scared, you scared
- Drop that ass to the floor
- You scared, you scared
Drop that ass, ay,
shake it fast, ay...
(song fades)
(song resumes):
Ay, back, back
Back it up, ay, back, back
Back it up, now stop.
(song ends)
- Ten seconds to midnight, everyone!
- (crowd cheering)
CROWD:
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five, four,
three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
- (crowd cheering)
- ("Magic" by David From Barberton playing)
You know
Never believe it's not so
Oh
Oh, oh
Never believe it's not so
It's magic
- (crowd cheering)
- You know
Never believe it's not so.
(song fades)
(fireworks popping, whistling)
What are you doing out here?
Wanted to get some air.
Did I do something wrong?
Do you ever wonder who you'd be
if you were...
an anonymous person in the world?
I was an anonymous, working-class kid
for most of my life.
And then my mom became president.
Who would you be?
Be a writer.
Live in Paris.
- I'd certainly date more.
- (chuckles)
Yeah, 'cause it's so hard
for a prince to get a date.
People I date don't interest me, and
the people who interest me, I can't date.
Oh, my God, Henry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Christ, you're as thick as it gets.
I'm sorry.
RICHARDS (over TV):
Under Ellen Claremont,
we're now losing two manufacturing jobs
every single minute of every day.
By the time this debate finishes,
another 200 Americans will be out of work.
You know, I just wish
some of my colleagues in this race
would go out on the road with me to see
what's happening in our Midwestern towns.
Empty factories, hollowed-out storefronts,
- communities in despair.
- (sighs)
I'm ready to lead from day one,
and that's why I can deliver on my plan
and bring prosperity!
ALL:
Prosperity!
(laughter, excited chatter)
Hey, Nora?
Hey. What's up?
Got a minute?
Okay, what's going on?
So...
- funny thing happened on New Year's Eve.
- Mm.
Henry kinda kissed me.
I totally, privately called that.
- Oh, shut up, Nora. You did not.
- Hey, it's my job
to analyze data,
and he has never once checked me out,
and I am what some men
would consider exquisite.
So from where I'm sitting, Henry's...
Kinda gay?
More like the first 50 rows
of a Gaga concert kinda gay.
But he's always dating a different girl.
Oh, honey,
princes aren't allowed to be gay.
You should know that.
(sighs)
Did I forget your birthday?
Not yet.
Do you remember Henry's friend Percy?
Are you into him?
I'm not not into him.
Right now I'm more into getting
female-identifying candidates
elected to Congress,
but he does have good taste in florists.
Anyway, okay, uh,
tell me more about this kiss.
Did you like it?
He grabbed my hair in a way
that made me understand
the difference between rugby and football.
(laughs) I'm gonna take that as a yes.
I mean, it wasn't unpleasant,
just... surprising.
I mean, you've been wanting him
to d*ck you down forever.
What? Wrong!
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
Allow me to, um,
lay out some observations for you.
Extrapolate as you wish.
First, you've been, like,
completely obsessed with Henry for years.
- I've not been...
- Do not interrupt me.
You've been long-distance text flirting
with him all day, every day, for months.
- Uh...
- You spent the entire New Year's party
straight-up ignoring
the who's who of hot young women
- in order to talk to Henry.
- (sighs)
And, uh, he kissed you, and you liked it.
So...
objectively, what do you think that means?
I don't know.
(frustrated groan)
(chuckles):
Come on!
I don't know! I don't know!
Okay, look, I can wrap my head around
being low-level into guys,
but what I'm really confused about
is being into Henry.
- How many guys have you been with?
- (door opens)
Whoa.
Uh...
(door closes)
Two.
Once in high school
and once with Miguel Ramos.
(stammers) The Politico reporter?!
Shut up!
Didn't see that coming.
What was that story there?
We once made out on the campaign,
drunk, fully naked, in a hot tub.
I get the feeling he wants me back in that
hot tub, but, you know, he's a journalist.
Right. Yeah.
Closeted princes are much safer.
(knocking)
Um, okay, well, do you two have
any appearances coming up?
He's supposed to be my guest
to the prime minister's dinner next month.
He can't ignore me all night.
Can he?
I guess you'll find out.
Julia?
Nora, come on.
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of the United States
and the prime minister
of the United Kingdom.
- (applause)
- (piano playing classical music)
(cameras clicking)
(lively chatter)
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Madam President.
Alex.
Perfect.
- Madam President.
- (cameras clicking)
Alex.
- Nice tux. Qu guapo.
- Hey, Miguel.
Thanks. You, too.
I read your Texas campaign memo.
How? That was super confidential.
I'm a journalist, Alex.
I quite literally have my sources.
Anyway, I-I think
you've got some good ideas.
Thanks, Miguel.
- (cameras clicking)
- MAN: Prince Henry, over here.
The campaign putting
your memo into action?
Because they should.
Is this the year
the Democrats finally flip Texas?
(photographers chattering excitedly)
Earth to Alex.
Yeah, we're, uh, gonna flip Texas.
Good to see you, Miguel.
- I need your help.
- Where's the thr*at?
- Do we need to clear the room?
- What?
No. I just need to talk to Henry.
In private.
Best I can do is the Red Room.
You take him any further
and his security team will taser you.
(door opens)
Look...
I know I owe you an explanation.
- My behavior was appalling.
- Shut up. Stop talking.
Wait a minute. (panting)
(objects clattering)
All right, fellas, time's up.
We got to get back to...
Oh, God.
- (lively chatter)
- (piano playing classical music)
So are you still...?
Like Stonehenge.
- Your Royal Hardness.
- (snickers)
Or Big Ben.
Nelson's Column.
- ELLEN: There you are.
- Hi, Ma.
Prime Minister, this is my son, Alex.
It's good to see you
and His Royal Highness on better terms
and not on the floor.
Yes, Prime Minister.
Henry and I are much happier against walls.
- (Henry gasps)
Everything all right?
Yes. Uh, very excited to be here.
(chuckles)
Well, hopefully we'll get through tonight
without any more scandals from these two.
The night is young, Ma.
Please, Prime Minister.
- Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
- Yes, tell me.
You're gonna stay at least 500 feet
away from me for the rest of the night.
- Sensible plan.
- I'm not done.
- Of course you're not.
- Then at midnight,
you're gonna come to my room
on the second floor of the residence
where I'm going to do
some very bad things to you.
(knock on door)
You're late.
(breathing heavily)
To be clear,
this changes nothing between us.
- I was about to say the same thing.
- No, you weren't. That's impossible.
When did you start to...
- Fancy you?
- Yeah.
Melbourne Climate Conference.
First night party.
Wow, you had a lot going on that night.
(chuckles) Tell me about it.
- I really thought you hated me.
- I hated how good you looked.
(pants unzip)
(breathing heavily)
(sighs)
What's that?
A key to my family's house in Austin.
I started wearing it when we moved here.
HENRY:
Hmm.
You know, I don't...
think I've ever owned
a key in my entire life.
No such thing as a locked door
when you're a prince, I suppose.
Well, you'd be surprised.
Just to put it out there...
Yes?
I guess you could say I'm...
...bisexual.
Yeah.
Noted.
Ah.
Just to put it out there,
I am...
as gay as a maypole.
- (laughing)
- What?
- I have no idea what a maypole is.
- Maypole. Right.
Are they known
for their h*m* tendencies?
Oh, oh, God, yes.
- Notorious.
- Yeah.
Notorious for it.
I wouldn't mind doing this again.
Me neither.
We just have to keep it
very casual, of course.
Oh. Obviously.
The press and all.
I just can't afford for you
to fall in love with me.
- (laughs): Oh.
- Okay, wait a minute.
- No, that's not what I meant when I...
- Get over yourself, Your Majesty.
It's "Your Royal Highness."
I don't know how many times
I have to tell you that.
I should probably get going.
- I guess I'll see you...
- You know, I was thinking...
- No, you can... After you.
- You should...
Please, you first.
There's this charity polo match
in Windsor next month
that my mate Percy's foundation organizes.
I, uh...
I was wondering if
you might want to be my guest.
Oh.
Um...
I don't know how to play polo.
Damn.
Well, I suppose that will be all right,
seeing as you won't be playing.
I will.
You'll be watching on the sidelines.
Great.
That's probably safer for everyone.
Yeah, agreed.
(chuckles softly)
(door closes)
(laughing)
(horses sputtering, neighing)
("Tu-Bardh" by Clanadonia playing)
(neighs)
(song fades)
Are you hungry?
Yeah, I could eat.
("Le Canal Saint Martin"
by Maria Rmusat playing)
(song continues with lyrics in French)
ALEX: There's something
I've been dying to ask you.
Which other famous boys have I shagged?
There's two things
I've been dying to ask you.
(laughs):
All right, let's start with the first.
Do you have a last name?
Actually, I have several.
The official family name
is Hanover-Stuart.
My father's surname was Fox.
So my full name is Henry George
Edward James Hanover-Stuart Fox.
(whistles)
And I thought Alexander Gabriel
Claremont-Diaz was a mouthful.
He is.
(church bell tolling in distance)
Does anyone in your family know about you?
My sister Bea's the only one I've told.
My mum probably suspects.
My brother Philip is completely oblivious.
And what about His Majesty, the king?
Grandpa's a cold, hard realist.
He sat me down
on my 18th birthday and told me
not to let any selfish desires I might be
harboring reflect poorly on the crown.
That is some bullshit.
It's my life.
Doesn't mean you have to accept it.
I was four years old when I realized
that everyone in my country
knew my name, but...
I would never know theirs.
Prince Henry belongs to Britain.
Henry Fox has to belong to himself
or else...
...he'll vanish.
Can't he ever belong to someone else?
Only momentarily.
Not here.
I think we should make love tonight.
Oh.
I-I mean, yeah.
I'm down.
(Alex chuckles)
But, I mean, who says "make love" anymore?
Are we gonna, like, listen
to Lana Del Rey when we do it?
- All right, all right.
- (laughs)
(Alex inhales deeply)
It's just...
Who's gonna do what?
Because I'm...
I've never...
(Alex chuckles)
Oh, my God.
I'm so not playing this cool right now.
(chuckles)
I went to
an English boarding school, dear.
Trust me, you're in good hands.
(both chuckle)
Now, careful. Oh.
- The buttons are quite sturdy.
- Mm.
Rigid.
(panting)
(Henry exhales slowly)
(Henry exhales)
I can't believe how wrong I was about you.
Most people are.
Is there any part of you that...
wishes you weren't
the son of the president?
Or that your family wasn't in politics?
I actually wish I could help more.
It's gonna be a tough campaign.
You really do love it, don't you?
(Alex chuckles softly)
Yeah, I really do.
To devote your life to helping others?
To know that what you do has
a meaningful impact on people's lives?
I know it's my life's work.
Is there any part of you that...
doubts?
My father was 12 when my abuela brought
him and his sister over from Mexico.
You may not understand this,
but in America,
if you're an immigrant
with a "Z" in your last name,
there's not a lot of people
in positions of power that look like you
or sound like you.
I've been given a chance
to be someone in the world
that my father didn't see
when he was growing up.
You can't know what that means.
I'm learning.
ELLEN:
Did you tell Miguel Ramos
that we had a plan to flip Texas?
What? No!
16 tweets today,
all linking to his new article.
He really tweets too much.
"Mr. Claremont-Diaz,
a student at Georgetown Law,
is playing an active role
in the campaign's new Texas strategy."
I was unaware
my campaign had a new Texas strategy.
Can you please tell me what it is?
If your campaign had read my memo,
you'd know.
All I said to Miguel is that Texas
is competitive and we intend to win it.
I didn't think
he'd write an article about it.
Well, he has, so now
we have to explain to everyone
that we don't in fact have
a new Texas strategy.
You do have a Texas strategy.
You just won't implement it.
Why aren't you registering
a million new voters?
Why aren't you f*ring up the youth vote,
building a grassroots movement?
Why aren't you fighting
for your home state, Ma?
I am fighting for my administration
and for the people who can't afford
to have Jeffrey Richards become president.
And I will not be the first woman
to lose reelection to this office.
What is that?
Our latest internal polling.
Richards is k*lling me in the Rust Belt.
That's where we need to focus, not Texas.
You're being idealistic
when I need you to be realistic.
Is that why you got into politics?
To be realistic?
Do you think that's what
the people really need right now?
I do not need a lecture from you
about idealism.
I was 28 when I was elected
to the state legislature.
I had 150,000 constituents.
Now I have 330 million.
They need me to be realistic
so they can be idealistic.
If you don't understand that,
then you have a lot to learn
about politics, kiddo.
You are no longer allowed
to speak to the press.
Do you understand me?
Yes, Madam President.
Twenty-seven.
What?
You were 27, not 28,
when you won your first election.
Ask any of the women who work for you.
They'll be able to tell you that.
Madam President.
Do you need me for something?
What's the deal with this campaign memo?
ELLEN:
Oh, I remember that.
(laughs)
ALEX:
What's all that?
My first Texas campaign.
Your grandmother saved everything.
Every press clipping,
every button, every flyer.
I read your memo.
- Good work.
- (chuckles softly)
We're sending you to Texas.
Really?
ELLEN:
You'll have a shoestring budget.
You'll eat fast food for every meal.
You'll work 18-hour days,
and you'll love every minute of it.
So what do you say?
When do I start?
ALEX:
Dear Henry:
Greetings from the Lone Star State.
It's hard to put into words
how exciting it is to be back here
working to get my mom reelected.
The energy here is electric,
and I think we can make a real difference.
The only thing that would make it
even better is if you were here.
HENRY: Dear Alex: I can't think of
a single way to start this email
except to say, "You're incredible."
But should I also tell you
that when we're apart,
your body comes back to me in my dreams?
I can feel your skin against mine,
and it makes every bone in my body ache.
ALEX:
Henry, seriously.
I'm out here giving my all for my mother.
I can't have smut filling my inbox,
corrupting my mind
and bulging my pants like this.
Look, buddy, you know I am incorrigible,
so don't "incorrige" me.
HENRY:
I'll behave.
By the way, we call them "trousers,"
not "pants," dear.
But in this case, both seem to apply.
Also, from all the photos you're posting,
it really makes me want to visit.
ALEX: Yes! I was just thinking that
I want you to come and see it one day.
Ah, there's so much
that I want to show you.
I think you'd really like Austin
most especially.
I want to see your mouth covered
in barbecue sauce,
and then I want to lick it off.
HENRY:
Wait, don't they have napkins in Texas?
I wish I could,
but my duties keep me here.
Dear Alex...
It's becoming increasingly difficult
attending mindless ribbon cuttings
while you're out there changing the world.
- I'll be damned, Alex, but I miss you.
- ALEX: Dear Henry: I miss you, too.
- Dear Henry...
- HENRY: Alex...
ALEX:
I'll admit this to you and no one else.
For all my big talk and certainty,
I'm secretly afraid
I'm going to let my mother down.
HENRY:
Alex, I understand what you're saying,
and I believe what you're describing
is called "impostor syndrome."
But I know that you are not an impostor.
- We just hit a million voters!
- (group cheering)
HENRY: I'm reminded of one of my favorite
quotes from Sense and Sensibility.
"It isn't what we say
or think that defines us
but what we do."
And I think that
what you're doing is amazing.
(jet engine whooshing)
We're going live
to the Democratic National Convention
in Brooklyn, New York,
where Alex Claremont-Diaz
is addressing the crowd.
Let's listen in.
ALEX: My mom has inspired me
every day of my life.
She has passed down to me a faith in
America that always looks to the future,
not back at the past.
Her vision for America
has you at the center.
- Your hopes, your values, your future.
- (crowd cheering)
CROWD (chanting):
Four more years! Four more years!
(chanting fades)
Bien hecho, cabrn.
- Great speech.
- Hey, Miguel.
- You looked really good up there.
- Thanks.
You know, we're both staying
at this hotel tonight.
Tell me something.
Do you honestly believe
that we're ever hooking up again?
Well, I don't anymore.
(chuckles):
Is there a problem between us, Alex?
Yeah.
The problem is you sandbagging me
and my mother's campaign
on your little wannabe
Washington Post website,
- claiming we had a plan to flip Texas.
- Which you do and have enacted
and confirmed as much
when we spoke about it on the record.
Well, the only thing I'm confirming
tonight is that you're an assh*le.
Feel free to use that quote.
Buenas noches, cabrn.
Uh, what are you doing here?
Oh, just a bit of skullduggery.
Amy helped plan it.
We need to get up to my room right now.
(both panting)
(both laughing)
Have you ever cooked for yourself?
- Once, unsuccessfully.
- Mm.
Have you ever been on Grindr?
- (laughs): Once, unsuccessfully.
- (laughs)
Mm. Do you vote?
Mm-mm. Not allowed.
- What? That's insane.
- Yeah.
Them's the rules.
Mm. What's your favorite movie?
Oh, In the Mood for Love.
I never seen it.
God, sometimes I forget
how uncultured you Americans are.
It is only
the swooniest movie of all time.
- "Swooniest"? Is that even a word?
- Yes, of course it is.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
The day my dad d*ed.
(Henry chuckles)
(knock on door)
Alex Claremont-Diaz, it's almost 7:00.
You have interviews to do.
Let's get going.
(whispers):
Wake up. sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
- (knock on door)
- What's going on?
ZAHRA:
Come on.
- Let's get your mother reelected.
- Oh, sh*t.
(Alex and Henry whispering)
Is there someone in there?
ALEX:
Be right with you, Zahra!
That's it.
I... am coming in.
- Hey! Do you mind?
- Oh!
- Come on! Zahra!
- Put clothes on now.
Zahra!
- (scoffs)
- What are you doing?
- Where is she?
- Zahra, no one is here.
Oh, really? (chuckles)
Well, that "no one"
left her phone in here.
Okay, so she left her phone in here.
- Big deal. It's all chill, Zahra.
- Oh.
(singsongy):
Where is she?
- Hello, hello?
- What are you doing?
- Little missy?
- Zahra, please. It's all chill.
It's all chill?
You hook up with some rando
the night before
your mother's acceptance speech.
You don't have her sign an NDA,
of that I'm certain,
and then you let her bring
her phone in here,
transmitting God knows what
to God knows who.
- Trust me, she's not gonna do any of that.
- Yeah, Alex, yeah. That is really chill.
- (quiet thumping)
- (Henry grunting)
HENRY:
Ow.
sh*t.
Good morning.
(Zahra panting sharply)
ALEX:
Zahra, breathe.
Don't you tell me what to do.
- Do you want to sit?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Wh-Where do you want to go?
Here?
- Yeah.
- Oh, there? Okay.
- Yeah. Fine, fine. I'm fine!
- Oh. Okay.
(continues panting sharply)
How long has this been going on?
(clears throat)
- Since New Year's.
- Oh, God.
And who knows about this?
Literally no one but you.
And the Secret Service.
- HENRY: And Percy.
- Right, and Nora.
Oh, and I told my sister.
- Aw, I didn't know that.
- Yeah, she was really happy for us.
Oh, I can't wait to see her again.
She's really...
Okay. Shut up, okay? The both of you.
I need to think. (groans)
Please don't tell my mom.
Seriously?
Alex, we are in a hotel
crawling with reporters,
in a city filled with cameras,
on the precipice of
the biggest event of the campaign,
in a race so close
it could be arrested for as*ault,
and you're asking me
not to tell your mommy on you?
Well, I haven't told her yet.
Oh, gee, kid, I'm sorry to interrupt
your process of becoming,
but you're the one who decided
to put your d*ck
into the heir to the British throne.
Well, technically, I'm the spare.
Not talking to you, sir.
(groans)
Okay.
Would it make any difference
if I told you not to see him again?
No.
Every time I see you,
it takes another year off of my life.
All right.
(Zahra chuckles)
I'm going downstairs, and...
(breathes deeply)
you better be dressed
and in the lobby in five minutes
so we can get your mother reelected.
- I'll be there.
- And as for you, Little Lord Fuckleroy,
you get your ass back
to merry old England right now.
I want you chewing on
a g*dd*mn crumpet by sunset.
And if anyone sees you leave this hotel,
I will Brexit your head from your body.
- You got me?
- Loud and clear.
Your Royal Highness.
Unbelievable.
They don't pay me enough for this sh*t.
ELLEN:
Yeah, come in.
Hmm. Hey.
Do you have a few minutes?
Sure, darling.
What's up?
You look very serious.
Yeah.
I've been, um, figuring some things out
about myself lately,
and it's, um...
relevant to the campaign, in a way.
Okay.
- I've met someone.
- (chuckles)
Is that all?
Honey, that's great.
I mean, why would that be
relevant to the campaign?
She's not a Republican, is she?
No. (chuckles)
She's also a he.
And "he" happens to be Henry.
As in the prince of England?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm...
We're gonna need some pizza.
(sighs)
So are you, are you gay?
Bi? Fluid? Pan? q*eer?
(chuckles):
Cool it, Mom. I'm bi.
Oh, all right.
Well, you know, the "B" in "LGBTQ"
is not a silent letter.
- Yes, thank you, Mom.
- Mm.
I mean, if I'd had more warning, I could
have made you a PowerPoint presentation,
- but...
- (laughs)
Can I give you some advice?
Yeah, of course.
You need to figure out
if you feel forever about him
before you take this any further.
A relationship like this
will define your life.
I don't know if we're there yet, Mom.
I don't know if we ever will be.
One more thing.
Uh, we didn't go over this particular type
of partnering when we had the talk,
which is on me for making assumptions.
Okay.
I just want to make sure you know
you need to wear a condom
if you're having a**l intercourse.
Oh, my God.
And we can, we can talk about
getting you on Truvada.
And-and if you're bottoming,
then you need the HPV vaccine.
And I can have HHS
send over some brochures.
You are ridiculous.
I cannot believe
they give you the nuclear codes.
And you have to tell your father.
- Ugh.
- Hmm?
I don't know.
This is uncharted territory for us.
When you're a parent,
every day is uncharted territory.
And when your child is
Alex Claremont-Diaz,
you get used to the exceptional.
(Alex chuckles softly)
I love you.
I love you, too.
ALEX:
Dear Henry:
Well, I just came out to my mom.
I was never afraid of her rejection.
I was afraid that she would see me
differently than before.
But now I realize
that's exactly the point.
Anyway, my parents bought a vacation house
after my mother's book was published.
I'm headed there to chill over
Labor Day weekend with my dad and Nora.
My dad suggested that I invite you.
Do you want to come? Please say yes.
P.S., Nora says to bring Percy.
- ("Shining Armor" by Mamalarky playing)
- (engine revving)
- (song ends)
- (chuckles): Hey!
Watch out! Here comes British Invasion!
- Oh, we found them hitchhiking in Austin.
- ("Alejandra" by Luis Perez Maza playing)
Goodness, this is beautiful.
- OSCAR: Hey, welcome to La Casa Blanca Oeste.
Dad, what is this music?
- It's so not the vibe.
- (music stops)
- It's great to see you again, sir.
- What's with the "sir"?
Please, call me "Congressman."
Oh, well, in that case,
you can call me "Your Royal Highness."
(laughs) Who's ready to party?
This is what we should be listening to.
Oh, my goodness.
("Canciones de Amor a Ti" by Rigoberta
Bandini playing, lyrics in Spanish)
- Yes!
- (indistinct chatter)
- (whooping, cheering)
- Ready? Ready?
(laughter)
Wait till he finds out about
the karaoke machine.
No, no, I am definitely not doing karaoke.
I'm burning through the sky, yeah
200 degrees, that's why
they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make
a supersonic man out of you
- (laughs)
- Don't stop me now
Oh, I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball.
(laughs)
(music and singing fades)
(whisk whipping eggs)
(sputters)
OSCAR:
Lazarus wakes.
Need help?
Not as bad as you do.
Coffee's fresh.
Henry's still sleeping?
He did karaoke last night.
Plus half a dozen tequila sh*ts.
Oof.
I got to be honest:
I thought because he was a prince
that, uh, he'd be a little more
of a candy ass.
Yeah, he's tougher than he looks.
So you like him?
What's not to like?
I wasn't sure if you needed to have,
like, a Catholic moment about it or...
Please. Have a little more faith
in your old man.
You are, after all,
talking to the patron saint
of gender-neutral bathrooms in Austin,
you little sh*t.
You know, uh...
your mom and I were a stupid idea, too.
We were just babies when we had you.
Nobody thought we'd make it.
Look at us now.
Sometimes you just got to jump,
hope you're not standing on a cliff.
- Shower time!
- No.
(laughing):
God, you are such a cretin.
No, get off.
(Alex sighs)
- I've been thinking.
- I seriously doubt that.
(mocking):
"I seriously doubt that."
I've been thinking about
how my life is gonna be
a lot different after the election.
Hmm. How so?
Well... (sighs)
my mom will hopefully be in office again,
and we won't have to worry about
winning any more national elections.
And I'll have a lot more freedom.
Until it's my turn
to run for office, of course.
Of course.
And I thought
maybe next summer we could come back here
for, like, a couple weeks.
We can be naked
and have sex anywhere on the property we want.
- (chuckles softly)
We can walk through Austin holding hands,
and it won't even matter
if anyone sees us.
I can take you around
to all the places I grew up,
and you can get to understand
my life a little more.
I've never felt this way about anyone.
It's like there's a rope
attached to my chest
and it keeps pulling me towards you.
And it feels so right.
What I mean to say is, Henry...
- I...
- (water splashes)
Henry?
("If I Loved You" by Vagabon playing)
If I loved you
Time and again
I would try to say
All I'd want you
To know
- If I loved you...
- Hello, David.
Hi.
It's so good to see you.
BEATRICE:
What happened in Texas?
I ended things with Alex.
Oh, Hen.
I'm so sorry.
Did grandpa find out?
Not this time,
but I felt myself getting too close,
and I didn't want to break his heart.
What about your heart?
(song fades)
Have you thought about calling Mum?
Last I heard from Mum,
she was off saving elephants in Botswana.
Perhaps I ought to grow some tusks.
God, she better not abdicate.
Or find herself at the top of a staircase
with Philip around.
It's all so silly, isn't it?
The idea of royalty in the 21st century,
it's-it's so... antiquated.
Sometimes...
I wonder if what we do has
any meaningful impact on people's lives.
Well, cheer up.
At least you'll never be king.
(laughs)
Do you love him?
What difference would it make if I did?
("If I Loved You" by Vagabon resumes)
Longing to tell you
But afraid and shy
I let my golden chances
Pass me by
Soon, you'd leave me
Off you would go
In the mist of day...
Never, never...
He won't answer any of my texts
or take any of my calls.
Has Percy heard from him?
(song fades)
Percy said that Henry sometimes
goes into his cocoon phases
and the only thing to do
is just wait it out.
I can't wait it out.
I'm going crazy here.
Well, you have air miles.
Go to London.
Get your man.
What if he won't see me?
At least you'll have your answer.
(sighs)
(thunder rumbling softly)
(knock on door)
Yes?
Sir, Mr. Claremont-Diaz is at the gate.
He insists on seeing you.
(thunder rumbling)
Can we please talk?
I'm going to let you say what you need
to say, and then I'd like you to leave.
What's going on, Henry?
A week ago, we were happy, and then
you disappear without saying a word?
I think you at least
owe me an explanation.
I have done nothing but explain myself
to you this past year.
I don't know what more you want me to say,
and I don't appreciate you barging in here
in the middle of the night.
Well, I'm sorry I can't turn
my feelings off as easily as you.
D-Do you honestly think
this is easy for me?
What else am I supposed to think?
You won't talk to me.
All I know is I'm the one here
willing to fight for us.
Because it costs you nothing!
I've been losing my mind this week
because the man I love has vanished
from my life without an explanation.
I flew across an ocean.
(chuckles):
I...
I stormed a f*cking castle
to look you in the eye
and tell you that I love you,
knowing that you wouldn't say it back.
So, no, Henry, in fact,
this is costing me everything.
And if this is over,
I at least deserve to know why.
Oh, for Christ's sake, Alex!
For once, I wish you could see me for
who I am and not who you want me to be.
Sometimes I don't think
you know me at all.
I'm not like you.
I can't afford to be reckless.
I wasn't raised by a loving,
supportive family like you were.
I have centuries of history
bearing down on my shoulders.
My life is the crown
and yours is politics,
and I will not trade
one prison for another.
I can love you
and want you and...
and still not want that life.
I'm allowed.
All right?
And it doesn't make me a liar.
It makes me a man with some
infinitesimal shred of self-preservation,
and you don't get to come in here
and call me a coward for it.
I would never call you a coward.
We can figure out a way to love each other
on our own terms, no one else's.
That is simply not possible,
and you know it.
Fine.
I'll leave.
And you can live in your tower and protect
your heart for the rest of your life,
and nothing will ever happen to you.
But, Henry...
nothing will ever happen to you.
So if you want me to go,
you have to tell me to leave.
Please... don't make me.
It is the only way
you're getting rid of me.
Because I would never leave this room
if I didn't think there was any hope
of holding on to the happiness
that I have found with you.
And if you think otherwise,
then you don't know me.
So tell me to go, Henry,
and I promise I will walk out that door
and trouble you no longer.
Wait.
(sighs)
There's something I want you to see.
HENRY:
When I was a boy...
...my father used to bring me here.
Early in the morning
before the museum opened.
Now I like to come at night.
In here,
at night,
no one else is around to gawk at you
or try and take your picture.
You can slip between the statues
like a shadow.
When I was younger,
I would dream of
taking somebody I loved here.
And he'd love it as much as I did.
And we'd dance right here
amidst all these statues.
Just a daft pubescent fantasy.
("Can't Help Falling in Love"
by Perfume Genius playing over phone)
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help
Falling in love
With you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
If I can't help
Falling in love
With you
Take my hand
Take my whole life...
HENRY:
Please be patient with me,
and I promise
I will try and be brave for us.
Because when they write
the history of my life...
I want it to include you...
...and my love for you.
For I can't
History, huh?
Help
Falling in love
Bet we could make some.
With you
For I can't help
Falling in love
With you.
(song fades)
I want you to have some part of me...
...until you can have all of me again.
ALEX:
Now we're even.
(jet engine whirring)
I love you.
I'll be as patient as you need.
Go win an election.
(sighs)
- (people talking indistinctly)
- (phone ringing)
(phone ringing)
What's going on?
Is it Grandpa?
Your emails to Alex have been hacked.
They were posted overnight to Reddit.
The Mirror and The Sun
ran them this morning.
And now security photos of the two of you
at the V&A have been popping up.
H-How many of our emails?
All of them.
I'm so sorry, Henry.
HENRY:
I need to call him.
I'm afraid you can't, sir.
I've taken the liberty of confiscating
your phone as a precaution.
You've done what?
They've taken my phone and laptop as well.
No. (stammering)
- You can't do this.
- Orders from the palace, sir.
No, I give the orders in this palace!
These orders are from
Buckingham Palace, sir.
It is believed that this is the work of
certain rogue elements within the media.
(sighs)
(grunts softly)
(stammers)
C-Can we at least get a message to him?
Um, uh, t-to the White House?
I've tried my contacts
within the White House with no luck.
They may be speaking to Downing Street,
but they're not speaking to us.
The emails, which the Mirror is calling
"The Waterloo Letters,"
detail the romance of
Prince Henry and Alex Claremont-Diaz,
the son of
American President Ellen Claremont.
As details emerge about
Alex Claremont-Diaz's
relationship with the prince,
the White House is
trying to stay on message.
This is obviously a critical time
for the president in her reelection bid.
Polls have her in a dead heat
with Governor Richards.
Now we have Miguel Ramos of Politico,
who was the first American journalist
to break this story
and who has written extensively about it
in the week since the leak.
I have to ask you, Miguel,
why is this anyone's business?
After all, Alex Claremont-Diaz
is a private citizen.
He isn't at all a private citizen.
He's playing an active role in his mother's campaign.
- (scoffs)
Well, don't public figures
have a right to privacy?
They do, but these emails clearly show
a pattern of obfuscation
around this relationship, and it's my job
to examine and contextualize them.
I'm curious, Miguel.
These emails were posted to Reddit
at 11:54 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
on Sunday night,
and your first article was posted
at 2:30 a.m. Monday morning.
- (sighs)
- How did you have time
to read nearly 72 emails,
write an article and publish it
all within two and a half hours?
I'm not sure what you're getting at.
Are you really that quick
or did you perhaps have advance knowledge
that this leak was going to happen?
(sighs)
- (reporters murmuring)
- (cameras clicking)
ALEX:
Good morning.
Henry and I have been together
since the beginning of this year.
As many of you have already read,
we've struggled every day
with what this means
for our families,
our countries and our futures.
And while neither of us is naive
about what it means to be public figures,
we never imagined our most private
and intimate thoughts, fears and truths
would become fodder
for public examination.
(breathing sharply)
- (reporters clamoring)
- (cameras clicking)
What was taken from us this week was
our right to determine for ourselves
how and when
we should share our relationship
and q*eer identities with the world.
The truth is, every q*eer person has
the right to come out on their own terms
and on their own timeline.
They also have the right to choose
not to come out at all.
The forced conformity of the closet
cannot be answered with forced conformity
in coming out of it.
This isn't about shame.
This is about privacy
and the fundamental right
of self-determination,
which are exactly the principles
on which the struggle for q*eer liberation
has always been fought.
But there is another truth
that's much simpler:
I fell in love with a person
who happens to be a man,
and that man happens to be a prince.
He has captured my heart
and made my life immeasurably better.
I love His Royal Highness,
Prince Henry George Edward James
Hanover-Stuart Fox.
I hope one day we'll have the opportunity
to be public about our relationship
on our own terms.
(cameras clicking over TV)
Thank you.
(TV clicks off)
Great job.
I'm proud of you.
Is it still possible
I've cost my mom the election?
Yes. (clears throat)
But it's also possible
that you just won her the election.
We'll find out next week.
I hope Henry was watching.
I could feel him watching.
- He does this thing when he's worried.
- (sighs)
Furrows his eyebrows.
It's the cutest thing.
(sighs) God, I miss him.
Oh, my God.
- I just have to do everything around here.
- (drawer opens, closes)
- (sighs, sniffs)
- (phone beeps)
Shaan Shrivistava, this is Zahra Bankston.
Look, I know we said we'd only
use these phones in an emergency.
Well, (chuckles)
welcome to that emergency.
I've got the first son in my office,
mooing over the prince
like a cow in labor,
and I'm not gonna get any work done
until you put these two lovesick
h*m* on the phone with one another.
I don't care what any of those
wrinkled white men at Buckingham Palace
have to say about it.
I want you to march your skinny,
perfect ass over to the prince,
hand him your phone,
or so help me God, you will never
(whispers):
see me naked again.
Wait, what?
I thought you might see it my way.
Yes, we'll hold.
You might be lousy at keeping secrets,
kiddo, but I'm not.
- Zahra, I could kiss you!
- Touch me and die.
(playing gentle melody)
(quietly):
Hello?
ALEX (over phone):
Baby.
Alex?
Oh, my God. A-Are you all right?
I'm hanging in there.
Are you okay?
No.
No, I'm not okay.
You know what?
I'm coming to London tonight.
Just hold on until I get there.
We'll figure this out.
HENRY:
Hurry.
Please.
ALEX:
I'll break the sound barrier for you.
(piano playing bright classical music)
(music continues)
(chuckles softly)
(playing "Yankee Doodle")
(both laughing)
- Okay, move over.
- (chuckles)
(slowly playing
"My Country, 'Tis of Thee")
(Henry chuckles)
(playing chords)
(music ends)
Have you heard from your grandfather yet?
Not a word.
Part of me wonders
if their entire strategy
is to deny I ever existed.
Can't keep you locked away forever.
We really need to get you
a book on English history.
(Alex chuckles)
(Henry sighs)
I feel so lost right now.
They used to call me
the Prince of England's Hearts, and now...
it feels like everyone hates me.
Hey, they still love you.
They loved the idea of me.
And now they are faced with the reality.
Your speech was beautiful.
It made me very proud
to be your boyfriend.
I'm always proud to be your boyfriend.
Oh, sorry, I'm white and upper-class,
- so my affection comes with strings.
- (laughs)
Oh, speaking of boyfriends on strings,
- you'll never guess who Shaan is dating.
- (Shaan clears throat)
- (knock on door)
- SHAAN: Excuse me, sir.
The king wishes to see you.
Both of you.
(Henry sighs)
You know, it's not too late to
get out of here and fly to the Maldives.
Tempting.
But I think it's time
I stood up for myself.
Might as well start at the top.
The less you say,
the better it'll be for you.
I do not need your advice, Philip.
Yes, well, you continue to make a mockery
of yourself, and in return...
(exhales sharply)
(exhales heavily)
(sighs, smacks lips)
During the Second World w*r,
our intelligence services initiated
a clandestine disinformation campaign
against our enemies.
While we employed it
as a wartime necessity,
there are a number
of unscrupulous governments
who routinely concoct
wholesale fabrications
about prominent people
in order to further
their own national interests.
I wonder, Henry.
Do you suppose that might explain
these unseemly reports?
It's all true, Grandpa.
Nevertheless, I have directed
palace communications
to issue a firm denial
of these accusations.
They are not accusations.
They are the truth.
It's a truth from which
I am determined to protect you.
I don't want your protection.
I want your support.
It is not yours to decide
which of the two you will get.
I'm as much a part of this family as
anyone here, and I deserve to be happy.
Oh, Henry, no one is suggesting
that you don't deserve to be happy. I'm...
PHILIP:
But to throw away your future
because of one mad infatuation...
(James clears throat)
Have you read our emails, Philip?
God, no.
HENRY: Well, if you had, you would realize
that this is more than just
a mad infatuation.
Alex and I love each other.
Deeply.
And we are committed
to each other, deeply.
(sighs)
I have read your emails, Henry.
All of them.
They leave no doubt
that your love is genuine.
Occasionally vulgar but genuine.
However, your primary responsibility
is not to your heart but to your country.
And anything other than maintaining
the traditional royal image is...
out of the question.
Why is it out of the question?
Mr. Claremont-Diaz,
let me disabuse you of the idea
that your contribution to
this conversation is in any way welcome.
You are party to this problem,
not to its solution.
I'll ask it, then.
Why must we maintain
a traditional royal image?
Bec... because, bec...
(sighs)
Because the nation
simply will not accept a prince who is...
...h*m*.
Yes, Tommy, what is it?
(whispering): There's a rather large crowd
gathering outside.
JAMES:
Well, how many people?
TOMMY:
Hard to say, sir. Several thousand.
Right. (clears throat)
That's settled, then.
What is it that we've settled?
You're all to go home immediately,
uh, and await further instructions.
What's going on outside?
Henry, Bea, uh, there's a car waiting
to take you to KP.
Oh, my God, Henry, look at this.
Henry, Bea.
Kensington Palace immediately,
and take the American with you.
Apparently, there are crowds forming
in Manchester, Sheffield, Birmingham,
Cardiff, Edinburgh and Liverpool.
(crowd cheering faintly)
I will no longer be
the prince of shame and of secrets.
Starting today,
the world will know me for who I am
and not who you want me to be.
(stammers) You can't go out there.
Grandpa, tell them
that they can't go out there.
Henry, my boy.
Are you sure this is what you want?
There is no turning back
if you go out there now.
I certainly hope not.
I love you.
I love you more.
I think that's up for debate.
(crowd continues cheering faintly)
(crowd cheering loudly)
(cheering fades)
MADDOW:
Well, it has been a long election night.
The entire race now hangs on Texas.
It's possible we are just minutes away
from knowing who the next president
of the United States will be.
With 265 electoral votes,
Governor Richards has swept
Pennsylvania, Ohio, Minnesota...
Let's find my dad.
- ...Wisconsin and his home state of Michigan.
- Breathe, Alex.
- I'll breathe when we win.
President Claremont is behind.
She's currently...
HENRY:
Crikey, that's a lot of red.
Yes, it is.
It's all gonna come down to Texas.
Remind me how this works again.
We're the blue team, right?
What do they teach
at that fancy private school?
You just say the word, I'll get you enrolled at UT Austin.
- (chuckles)
But that means all eyes now turn
to Texas, the president's home state.
Texas of course has 40 electoral votes,
which means very bluntly and simply...
it's easy to do the math here...
whoever wins Texas
is gonna win the White House.
- Hey, Ma.
- Hey, hon.
I-I wanted to say something like, uh,
"This-this campaign was
never about just me.
It was about the country
we hope to leave to our children."
You may remember that it was her son,
Alex Claremont-Diaz,
who was the driving force
in turning her campaign's focus to Texas.
And some people said that was to the detriment...
- Can you take a walk with me?
...of the campaign's ability to carry
the so-called Rust Belt states tonight.
It was a bold gamble to focus on Texas.
- We're gonna see tonight if it paid off.
- HENRY: What's going on?
(Alex sighs)
I think my mom's working on
her concession speech.
You fought hard, and it isn't over yet.
You still haven't noticed my tie.
Yellow roses. (chuckles)
I read it was a thing in Texas.
I thought it might bring you some luck.
Oh, my God, I'm so grateful you're here.
- (crowd cheering)
- MADDOW: NBC News now projects
that Ellen Claremont has carried Texas
and its 40 electoral votes.
And that means NBC News can now project
that President Ellen Claremont
has been reelected
- as president of the United States.
- (cheering continues)
And looking at this map,
it really isn't anything
that we have seen in a generation.
We've got the Republican candidate
sweeping Midwest states like
Ohio, Pennsylvania...
(Ellen sighs)
Thank you.
ELLEN: There are people who will tell you
that elections don't matter.
But try telling that
to the auto worker in Michigan
who worries whether or not
their plant will be shut down.
Tell that to the transgender
high school student in Mississippi,
voting for the very first time.
Elections do matter
because they give you a voice,
and your voice is blended tonight
with the voices
of millions of Americans just like you:
openhearted, fearless
and alive to a bolder,
brighter, braver future.
(lively chatter)
What do we do now?
(Alex sighs)
Do you still have my key on you?
- (dog barking in distance)
- (Alex and Henry laughing)
(locks clicking)
We won.
We won.
After you.
HENRY: Wow, you really are
working-class, aren't you?
- (door closes)
- ALEX: Oh, shut up, Your Majesty.
Do you want me to give you
a tour of the house?
HENRY:
Yes, lead the way, darling.
ALEX: All right, so I took
my first steps right over there.
("Fruit (Red, White & Royal Blue Version)"
by Oliver Sim playing)
Far too femme
Surrounded by rocks
You're gonna look the gem
You can dress it away
Talk it away
Dull down the flame
But it's all pretend
It's all pretend
What would my, what would my
Father do?
Do I take a bite,
take a bite of the fruit?
I've heard other people say
It can't be right
if it causes you shame
Have I made you proud?
Take a look at me now
If I've got my father's eyes
I've got my mother's smile
Wrong or right
You're standing right in front
of a green light
Just look at his face
What a beautiful face
How it makes you feel inside
What would my father do?
Do I take a bite,
take a bite of the fruit?
Have I made you proud?
Take a look at me now
If I've got my father's eyes
I've got my mother's smile
Have I made you proud?
Take a look at me now
If I've got my father's eyes
I've got my mother's smile.
(song ends)
("Color My Life"
by Chicano Batman playing)
Are you a lucid dream?
That's what it seems
I'm not really sure if it's real
ButIjust got tosay
I found my way
The forestgot some magical feel, yeah
You've got to color my life
You'vegottofill in mythoughts
You've got tocolor my life
When the city is gone
You've got to fill in my thoughts
With the feels I'm on
Are you a lucid dream
Or just a beam of light
Shining on me?
Or better yet, the camera
You press record
Living in the playback we see
You've got to color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
When the city is gone
You've got to fill in my thoughts
With the feels I'm on
With the feels I'm on
With the feels I'm on
Yeah, yeah
You've got to color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
Color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
Fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
My life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
Fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life
You've got to fill in my thoughts
You've got to color my life.
(song ends)
(music ends)
(crowd exclaims)
(crowd murmuring)
(whispers):
Do you think anyone noticed?
(Henry sighs)
Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3
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