Sex, Lies, and Sugar (2022)

[bunniefuu]

I love how French

it sounds, en papillote.

- I just made a pot of meat.

- It's just a piece of paper.

I wanted to try something new.

Marybelle, what did you make?

Just a dessert.

Probably won't be as good as yours.

Sug, we need to get a move on.

Well, let me cut it open first.

Watch the steam, girls.

This thing is gonna be hot.

Jesus, it's Armageddon out here.

Let's mix up some daiquiris.

Ooh.

Now, be nice.

But I wanted to try something new.

I used that meat spread with

the little devil on the front.

Do you even know it's in that stuff?

Instead of flour or milk,

I just plopped in two

cans of cream of mushroom.

You're so right, Sugar.

Condensed soup?

That's what we've got here, solid soup.

Why not have a potluck on Sunday night?

With none of our husbands

going to work on Monday

because of the holidays,

it might be a nice change,

but to make it more exciting,

we could have a contest.

We could each bring a dish

and we could let our

husbands be the judges.

I don't know.

I can't win against you guys.

Finally, some action around here,

I've got a trick or two up my sleeve.

You've gotta trick or two up your skirt.

Ladies, the w*r is on.

Marybelle.

Yay.

Yay!

Oh, hello neighbors!

Come on in.

Pleasure.

Kitty.

Your old lady's in the room fixing up.

- Well, hello!

- Jerome.

Hi, great to see you.

You'd make a beautiful man, Jerome.

And Les!

Hey, do you golf?

You should come play some holes

with Sterling and me sometime.

- Well-

- Great!

We'll play tomorrow.

I'll pick you up at nine.

Maximilian and Marybelle.

Conrad.

Hey, why don't you

all mix up some martinis

and I'll go get the old ball in chain?

Be back in two shakes.

- Max.

- Sterling.

You're looking fit.

You been working out?

Oh, you know,

just running and messing

a little with the weights.

- Bert.

- Maximilian.

Wow, Florene, you look fantastic.

Why, thank you, darling.

Where are the girls?

Kitchen.

So, uh, Leslie, you still

working at the university?

Yes, he's still

answering the president's phone.

I like mine a little dirtier.

Uh, you got it.

Hey, you've

been messing with my stuff.

Not tonight, Connie.

We've got company.

My tweezers are upside down.

You've been using them on your eyebrows.

f*cking hair on 'em.

Don't touch my f*cking sh*t.

You know better than that.

When I was five,

my mother told me I was adopted

and she handed me a bucket

and some cleaning supplies,

and she told me to get to work.

I wrote my first poem that day.

- Good evening ladies.

- Hi, Sug.

- I'm telling a story.

- Oh, excuse me.

I scribbled it on a

piece of toilet paper,

in between scrubbing the

pot it went like this.

Dreams are candy

and mothers are dark smears

on white porcelain.

I wrote a poem every day since.

A poem for every day of my life.

I would write while washing the dishes

or polishing the silver or

cleaning the vomit off the carpet

after one of my mother's nightly binges.

Let's just say I grew up

in the perfect environment

for a poet to thrive.

What the hell are you talking about?

You don't even know

what a poem is.

Well, she's getting her poetry

straight from the bottle.

I got started early.

A child prodigy, a poet and

a drunk by the age of five.

Gosh, we're gonna have

fun tonight, I can feel it.

Yesterday,

movie legend Judy Garland was found dead

in the bathroom of her

rented Chelsea London house.

Good Lord.

The coroner stressed

that there was no evidence

to suggest she had committed su1c1de.

Even so, a British specialist

who had attended Garland

said she had been living on borrowed time

due to cirrhosis of the liver.

Garland had turned 47 just

12 days prior to her death.

Her "Wizard of Oz" costar

Ray Bolger commented saying,

and I quote, "She just plain wore out."

I always loved "The Wizard of Oz."

47, that's too bad.

- That's too bad.

- Holy sh*t.

We saw her at Carnegie Hall.

Is it time to eat yet?

My friends, here it is.

The first round of what will be many...

Ca-ca-ca-ca-casserole wars!

And the inventor of

tonight's winning dish

will receive this groovy T-shirt.

My father gave me a

T-shirt for my fifth birthday

that read Daddy's little question mark.

I don't know why we can't

just have a dinner party.

I hate this competition stuff.

You know, deep down

inside, you're not gonna win.

Jerome!

Okay, honey, she's just jealous.

You're a better cook.

Dehydrated food and powder.

Am I supposed to believe in

astronaut can survive on Tang?

Get with the words, I need food.

Oh, Florene's hungry.

We gotta get her home.

Well, is everybody ready?

On your marks, get set and eat!

Before we dig in,

I would like us all to raise our glasses.

To Sugar.

Thank you for organizing this for evening.

- Sugar!

- To Sugar.

Sugar!

Do you know olio, Bert?

Why do they call it olio?

It's really margarine.

What the hell is olio?

Remember in "All About Eve,"

when Bette Davis bites

into that raw green onion?

I'm currently having that experience.

I don't know.

You know, I feel better if

I line the pan with foil.

Call it a quirk!

- Is a pimento a pepper?

- Oh no.

- Pimento's not a pepper.

- A pepper's a vegetable.

- Pimento is a pepper.

- Yeah.

You know, I always thought

Dr. Pepper was a real person.

It turned out true.

A big piece of gristle in this one.

Oh, that's Sugar's.

You know, I couldn't

personally eat sweetbreads.

It's the brains, right?

Thymus.

- What the hell is a thymus?

- Right.

- It's a gland in your neck.

- I don't have a thymus.

- I mean, in a calf's neck.

- Oh no, not a calf.

That's horrible, I could never eat a baby.

Hands down, the strangest thing about us

is that none of us have had babies.

Some of us should have had children.

Wow.

Okay.

With four votes, the winner tonight is...

The salmon en papillote.

It's salmon en papillote.

- Look at that T-shirt.

- Wow.

- Look.

- You wear it well.

Here, Connie, this one's for you.

To the salmon.

I bet what happened is that

everyone b*rned their mouths

on the first bite and their

taste buds were useless

because that was definitely

not the best dish tonight.

I'm sorry, it was not

the best dish tonight.

Jerome, you don't have to

be so defensive about it.

Jerome has written a note.

The salmon tastes like a spoonful of c**t.

Jerome!

- Jerome!

- You can't say that word.

You can't say that word out loud.

You know, honey,

there isn't a word like

that for men though, c**t.

Maximilian Beadham.

Just saying there

isn't a derogatory term

for men as ugly as c**t.

Stop saying it.

Well, if you think about it,

pencil d*ck is pretty damn bad.

Well, pencil d*ck doesn't have

the same hard consonant sounds

and the abruptness of the word c**t.

c**t is a mighty word.

How about you are a f*g?

Oh, she's got it!

That's it, the ugly "ah" sound

followed by the hard "guh."

f*g.

f*g.

It's a loaded word, man.

A loaded word.

F-A-G is the awfulest.

I mean, it's much worse

than that word c**t.

That's bullshit, Sterling.

No, it is worse.

F-A-G is to question our masculinity.

The very essence of who men are.

c**t just refers to your.

Baby funnel?

I sometimes think men

are the stupidest creatures

to walk the face of

the earth, I really do.

Oh, but I just love saying dirty words.

f*ck yes, I do.

Repeat after me, ladies and

gentlemen.

sh*t.

sh*t.

f*ck.

f*ck!

Cocksucker.

Cocksucker!

That felt good.

Marybelle, try it.

It feels good.

Come on!

sh*t.

Nostrovia.

Nostrovia!

Well, should we play a game?

No, let's just put on some tunes and go.

How about we play Agnew's favorite

pin The blame on the donkey?

Has everyone here

played railroad tracks?

Oh, what's that?

Honey, have we played that?

No.

Bert, I love it.

When I was 13,

I got molested on some

railroad tracks by an albino.

The moon made his skin glow so brightly.

I had just pretended I was

having sex with a light bulb.

That's charming, Flo.

Railroad tracks is a physical game.

It's about balance and control.

The game requires concentration.

The ability to connect

your body and your mind.

So Marybelle, you up for it?

- Come on, Marybelle.

- Come on.

- Come on.

- Attagirl.

- You can do it.

- Three cheers for Marybelle!

Hip hip!

Hooray!

- Hip hip!

- Hooray!

- Hip hip!

- Hooray!

All right!

What are we gonna use for tracks?

- Belts.

- Hey, Sugar?

Run to the room and get all the belts.

We need more room.

All right, men.

Let's move this sofa back.

Let's get this out of the way.

- I guess I'll be helpful.

- Here we go, all right.

- Come on, one, two, heave!

- Three!

Watch it.

- I want to buy this sofa.

- Yeah.

Marybelle is the focus.

Marybelle is the focus.

- Thank you, baby.

- Oh yeah.

Okay, Marybelle, the idea of the game

is that you have to walk

on the tracks that we make.

The object is to walk the

entire length of the tracks

without falling off.

Your feet have to stay on the belts.

The floor is hot lava.

Watch out, hot, hot!

That's so easy.

Yes, it would be,

but you've gotta walk the entire tracks

wearing this blindfold.

Ooh!

Guys.

Be careful, be careful, my hair.

- First we've gotta spin her.

- Oh yeah, yeah, spin her!

Spin her!

- There you go.

- Spin her around.

There you go, okay.

I need my feet on the tracks.

Feet on the tracks, yeah.

Careful.

Okay.

- And then you just walk.

- Here I come!

Chug a chug a chug a chug a.

- Careful!

- Stay on the tracks!

Am I on the tracks?

Stay on them, Belle.

Somebody's gonna catch

me if I fall, right?

Hold on, Marybelle.

Hold on, hold on.

Wait one second.

Okay, now darling,

I want you to act like you're

in ballet class and do a plie.

And one.

What are you guys doing?

This is part of the

coordination test, it's okay.

And one, and two.

- And three.

- Shake your hips!

- Very graceful!

- I'm gonna fall!

Okay, little choo choo,

come on down the track a little further.

- Okay, almost done.

- Chug a chug a chug a chug.

- Woo woo!

- There you go, Marybelle.

Choo, choo, choo, woo woo!

- Come on now, come on.

- Okay, stop, stop, stop.

Okay, baby,

let me see a couple more plie knee bends.

- Connie, Connie.

- Okay.

- Follow the ballet master.

- And down, deeper, deeper.

There you go.

Oh, my knees are gonna give out!

Back up, back up, back up.

That's okay, come on up now.

Come on up.

- Now down, down more.

- This is the last one.

- Woo woo!

- Oh, that is deep!

- Marybelle.

- That's right.

And up.

One more thing, one more thing.

- Okay.

- Okay, are you ready?

On the count of three,

you can take off your blindfold.

- Okay.

- And one.

Two, three!

Beautiful, beautiful job!

You are all assholes!

Well, perhaps we could

deep fry a Moon Pie.

I like the

direction you're heading.

Well, we could.

We could deep fry two Moon Pies

until they're golden brown

and then we could drain them

and spread soft vanilla

ice cream in between them,

and then dip the whole thing in chocolate

and put it in the freezer.

I think I'm in love with you!

That sounds delicious!

Is my brain shrinking?

Can you tell if my brain is shrinking?

Have another drink, Leslie.

Can you see it through my eyes?

- Make it a double.

- Is it working?

- Yeah.

- Double what?

Double, what are you drinking?

- Here, I'll trade you.

- Okay.

It's not my fault.

I know it's not your fault,

but I want you to apologize anyway.

I'm not apologizing.

We were just having fun.

- Give me a kiss.

- No.

Give me a kiss.

Have a drink.

Honey?

I have another game for us to play.

Max, come to mama.

Wait a minute, what kind of a game?

- It's a special kind.

- Is that a recipe tin?

What are the recipes?

Well, they're rather unique.

This is just a list of ingredients.

- What does it say?

- Ice cubes.

I don't understand.

You put an ice cube...

You might be missing something.

Holy sh*t, holy sh*t!

I just realized something.

I just realized this.

Casserole has the word ass in it.

Sound it out, it does.

All right.

All right, forgive me people

but I'm gonna be honest.

I am capital H horny.

- That is not news.

- No news at all, Bert.

I can't say horny 'cause

it reminds me of zebras.

Zebras don't have horns.

- But they should.

- They have stripes.

Jerome, Jerome give me

another one of those cards.

- Horn stripe.

- Well, this is so precious.

Get your waders out, boys.

All this one says is turn

to the person on your left

and tell them one thing

you like about them,

and in parenthesis, physical.

Sugar, you have a beautiful mouth.

It is a chasm of beauty,

and I should know,

because I want to

spelunk into it.

Thank you, Leslie.

No, I don't.

Let's not do this one.

I don't wanna do this.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- It's okay.

- Quiet.

Shh!

Quiet.

I am about to turn my head to the left.

Max Beadham, you are gorgeous,

and every woman in this

room thinks so too.

- Sugar!

- Hey, that's my husband!

I thought we were

gonna say it and move on.

- Okay, Max, your turn.

- Connie, don't be jealous.

- Kitty?

- Yes.

I think you have great tits.

Oh, thank you!

I'm with you all the way, buddy!

- Yes, she does.

- Kitty, go.

Okay, I'm going, bossy!

Connie.

Your eyes.

I seriously cannot look

into your eyes for too long

because if I do,

I just wanna jump on you and

take you on a Kitty vacation!

Down, Kitty, down.

Meow!

Okay, me.

- Marybelle.

- Watch it now.

Here, here.

To put it simply, I love your ass.

I love every slope and

curve of your bottom.

I love spending time with you,

but watching you walk away

is one of the supreme

pleasures of my life.

If I could,

I would eat every meal off of your rump.

I wanna make a mold of your rear end

so I can hang it on

the wall next to my bed

so I can spend every

night staring at your ass.

- Conrad.

- That's enough now.

Enough.

Sugar, don't be jealous.

- Stop.

- Thank you.

- Sterling.

- Yes.

I think you have very

strong looking hands.

Aw.

Say thank you.

- Florene.

- Yes, my dear?

You give me some goose pimples.

- Is that all?

- And you smell really nice.

It's Estee Lauder.

But you already know that.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's not fair, they're married.

Naughty boy.

Go to him.

Okay, Leslie, I'm proud

to call you my friend.

- Oh, isn't that sweet.

- That's nice.

- Boring!

- That's not physical.

- Thank you.

- Oh, it's not physical.

Oh, you're, I always thought

you had a great eyebrows.

Mr. Bert, thank you.

Thank you for that compliment, Ster.

So we've made the rounds.

What's the next card?

I don't think we need to play anymore.

No, we can't stop in the middle.

I don't understand these games.

I mean, how do we know who's

winning and who's losing?

I don't have a f*cking clue.

That's not the point, darling.

This one's good, I really like this one.

It'll be fun.

Lay on the ground.

- Oh yes.

- With your heads touching.

And let your brains synchronize.

Um, maybe we should try another one.

Yeah, sure.

Well then, is everybody

ready for another game?

- Angel.

- Sterling.

How about this one?

Grab each other and start swinging.

How do we do that?

Oh, oh, I know, I know, I know!

Connie, come here.

Come here.

Grab your arms like this.

Oh, we used to do

this when we were kids!

It's fun!

Come here, come on, sit down.

- Okay, ready?

- Yeah!

We'll start swinging.

Oh, I wanna do it.

Now let her go!

Woo!

Jeepers.

Holy mother of tits.

That's my gal.

Mama wants to swim!

Daddy wants to swim.

Come on, boys.

What are you waiting for?

Let's play Marco Polo.

Is this real?

All right.

You do have a great ass.

Connie!

- I love Jell-O.

- Oh, I like it too.

Connie?

What time is it?

Where are you going?

To the club.

I hadn't realized you had a game today.

Connie, come here.

I have something I could show you.

I've already seen it.

I'll be back before dinner.

Well, have a nice time.

Good morning!

I squeezed you some fresh orange juice.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I'm going to the country club

to play a round a golf

with Leslie and Connie.

Okay.

What time will you be home for supper?

I'm not sure, depends.

Okay, well, just take your time.

Would you like me to

make anything specific?

Uh, whatever you'd like.

How about chicken?

I can use Marybelle's recipe.

You seem to enjoy that.

Sure, if it isn't any trouble.

No!

No trouble at all.

- Bye dear.

- Bye!

Morning, Les.

Quite the party last night.

I hope the other golfers don't stare.

You know they'll know.

Jesus, would you look at that broad.

Oh, Sterling, you got it lucky.

Lucky?

Sure, you got a wife with great tits.

Lets you do whatever you want.

- It sounds like heaven to me.

- She's not.

Poor old Les has a

wife built like a man,

and I'm tied up to a cadaver.

I can't help it if I'm horny.

I'm a man.

I mean, our job is to be horny, right?

- Right?

- Sure.

Right, Les?

I'll get back to you on that.

Yeah, no big deal.

No big deal.

Hello?

Oh Max, thank God it's you.

It's Sugar.

Listen, I just really wanted

to apologize for last night.

- I feel-

- Don't worry.

You were a tigress last night.

Oh, Max.

- Hello?

- I got it.

- Oh, hi Marybelle.

- Sugar?

It's me, Sugar.

I'll let you two girls talk.

What is it, Sugar?

I just wanted to let you know

that I washed and dried

your casserole dish

and it's ready for you any

time you'd like to pick it up.

- Okay?

- Oh, thank you.

Okay, I've

gotta run now, all right?

Okay, bye!

I'm going to bed now.

I've got some more reading to do.

Goodnight.

Night.

Yeah, last night was really good.

We should do that more often.

Yeah, well, our friends are so uptight.

I mean, it's never taken that long

to get a group in the moment.

Oh, they're a bunch of Catholics.

- The worst.

- Republicans.

You know, that's why I married you.

Did you see that Kitty's tits?

Oh, now pussycat.

Now these, these are tits right here.

- You are a little rascal!

- Yes, I am.

- You hungry?

- I'm hungry.

I made your favorite for dinner tonight.

Mm, green beans and ham?

- Green bean Florene.

- Oh, honey.

If you suck my Peter.

You ain't gonna be no cheater.

Because I'm about respect.

Come here, I love you.

It's pigs on a cloud.

It looks like Stonehenge.

It's very interesting, Kitty.

I mean, are we meant to use

these little wieners as utensils?

Jesus, the tension in

here, it's as thick as Nixon.

We don't have to talk about it.

Come on, we can't even look

at each other in the eye.

It's ridiculous.

It was just sex.

I'm not a sex person.

I think what we need to do

is just all have another party,

have a few drinks, some

nice hors d'oeuvres.

- Are you insane?

- I don't know.

Either that or we turn into

bitter, dried up old prunes.

What we did was not normal!

What we did was get bombed.

Jerome is right.

We just drank a little too much is all.

Oh, right, blame it on the liquor.

You know what they say?

What happens when you're

drunk doesn't count.

Well, we were much better off

before we made it a contest.

We just trampled all over our vows.

Come on, grow up.

We're animals, get used to it.

There will be no more dissenting voices.

We're a club and we stick

together no matter what.

Right, girls?

I think what we need to do

is just follow the example of the hippies

and have a group hug or

hold hands or something.

Perfect.

Maybe we can all burn our bras?

Well.

What dishes are we voting on tonight?

Oh, well, um, Kitty

made some pigs on a cloud.

Uh, Marybelle made cheesy Italian.

Jerome, her cheese enchiladas.

I made maximum crab crunch.

Florene, I'm sorry, I cannot

remember what it is you made.

I didn't make a casserole.

But I thought that we were

all gonna make casseroles.

I made an appetizer.

Okay, but an appetizer?

- Oh, I love you.

- Darling.

Thank you.

- I call them identity bars.

- Identity bars?

- They're delicious.

- Is it a cookie?

Is it a cake?

Is it a bar?

Which is it?

- Mm, yummy, yummy!

- How exotic.

Is that ginger that I taste?

Mm, creamy.

Max, you have a crumb on your chin.

Tell me, did you

get the recipe off the side

of the Eagle brand sweetened

condensed milk can?

I did, but I also added

a few personal touches.

Sure, sure!

Who doesn't doctor a recipe?

You gotta make it your own.

There you go!

Mm, it takes really good

with whiskey.

These bars look fantastic.

I'm actually ready to vote right now.

Best dish of the night.

Really?

Why do my eyebrows feel

like they're flying away?

Florene, these bars

wouldn't have anything to do

with space, would they?

Thanks, are my eyebrows still there?

They're made in honor of Apollo 11.

I love you, Alice Beach am.

Honey, my hairs are high.

Oh sh*t!

Oh sh*t!

Oh, come here, baby.

I thought it tastes like vodka now.

Mm, look at me I'm a

dancing tree!

On guard!

Take that, take that!

You bastard, I'm gonna get you!

Oh sh*t, what am I gonna

do with a split banana?

Let's eat it.

Freeze!

Looks like we got us some

hooligans up here in these parts.

Yes, ma'am.

Looks like we ought to frisk 'em.

- Drop the belt.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

Can you turn down your headlights?

I need to check under the hood.

- Drop 'em nice and slow.

- Take it easy.

You've been a bad boy.

Ooh.

Do you still like me?

I still like you.

I love you.

Hello, Max.

It's pretty isolated over here.

Good job.

It's my private spot.

It's where I come to

think and to be alone.

I made us a picnic lunch.

I don't really have time to eat.

Honestly, my favorite thing

is when Kitty rubs my monster

while I watch "The Carol

Burnett Show."

How is it that the

subject of our conversations

always turn to sex?

'Cause people like to

talk about the things

that they want and they never get.

Romance?

Like blowjobs.

Hey buddy, I'm with

you all the way.

My wife's vag*na looks like

a parenthesis with an Afro.

Well, I'm not sure I understand vaginas.

What's to understand?

A p*ssy is a doorway.

You go in and you come out.

Les, you're up, buddy.

Of course my wife won't

even give me a blow job,

I go down on her and everything's fine.

But when it comes to returning the favor,

she always says, "No, no,

no, it's not ladylike."

What's not ladylike about that?

You should try my wife.

She gives great blow jobs.

- Are you kidding me?

- Flo knows what a man needs.

Well, ask Connie.

He's been on the receiving end.

Flo knows.

See, fellas, it's all about symbiosis.

The women, they bring the

main dish and the men,

they bring the dessert.

That little casserole thing

that they've got going on.

It's like a gift

waiting under the tree

for us to open.

So you guys should, uh,

come over Friday night,

bring the wives.

It'll be fun.

Say again?

We have to populate.

Populate!

Oh, I'll be sure to bring Patti.

It's time to act like ancient Romans.

Men, grab your sticks.

It's time to throw our balls around.

I'm a little uncomfortable

with stereotypes.

Do you like the way I look in this?

- Sure.

- What does that mean?

Do you think I look pretty?

Belle, I've lived with you for 12 years

and I'm not gonna fall into

your circle conversation.

It's not a circle, it's communication.

Just a simple answer.

Just look at me and tell me

if you think I look pretty.

Say yes or no.

You look delicious.

If you were a cake, I'd eat you up.

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

I don't know though.

I think this belt hits me

a little high in the waist.

I don't have a waist.

Where are you going?

In the TV room where there's no belts.

You don't care how

I look at all, do you?

You wouldn't mind if I walked around

in front of our friends without a waist.

Belle, why don't you

just take the belt off?

And look like a shapeless sack?

No, thank you.

You're so clueless about fashion.

Max, please.

I just finally got my makeup right.

- Sterling.

- Ned.

- Hail Caesar.

- When in Rome, Brute.

When in Rome.

Kit, I'd like you to meet

Ned and Marjorie Levon.

Ned, Marjorie, this is my wife, Kitty.

Pleasure.

And this is Gayle and Patti Carver.

What a lovely home,

and your haciendas, they're so beautiful.

They're hydrangeas, dear.

But I'm fine.

Not fine, I'm, what does fine mean anyway?

It's such a nothing word.

I'm doing okay.

I'm sound, I'm with it.

I'm groovy!

I feel so stupid.

I try to sound relevant and

I just can't sell it, can I?

- No.

- I mean, I'm groovy.

What does that mean?

I mean, it means I'm...

Blah, it sounds like

something an album would say.

I mean, if you were gonna

anthropomorphize an album,

it would be right insane.

I'm groovy.

Take a swig of this.

Good lord, Jerome!

What is that, turpentine?

Just about.

Leslie has a still in the basement.

Jerome, we're not in

the hills of Tennessee.

This is a respectable community.

Respectable my ass.

Screw it, I wanna get drunk.

Give me more.

That's it, Sugar.

Let it all go.

I mean, who are those people anyway?

I don't want them here.

I thought this party was

just for us, private.

Oh, hello, Max.

I made shepherd's pie.

I ground the spam myself.

Damn arthritis.

I hate our bodies.

You know, it's a design flaw

that they start falling

apart before we die.

Who wouldn't have thought of that anyway?

The Lord God in heaven above, of course,

He created us.

Well, he should have had

his damn license revoked.

Giving an expiration

date to a consciousness.

How cruel?

How f*cking cruel is that?

He gave you life after

all, and don't forget that.

What he gave me

is the ability to know

that I'm going to die,

and I find that excruciating.

So go ahead and believe

in your God if you must.

But at least acknowledge the fact

that he is the most psychopathic

serial k*ller of all time.

I mean, if any one of us were

to just reach across the table

and strangle the life out of her,

would it make any difference to the world?

I mean, her God kills people

all the time, every day.

So it must be all right for

us to do the same thing,

wouldn't you think?

Hypothetically speaking.

Oh, is there anything I can do to help?

Oh no, honey, we're just getting ready.

- Excuse me.

- Are you sure?

So forgive me for not knowing,

but do we take our

clothes off now or later?

I've just never done this

kind of thing before.

Whenever you feel like it, hun.

What?

Well, Gayle didn't tell me

if we'd be screwing each other

before dinner or after dinner.

Which is it?

Ned, sweetie, we're going.

We just got here.

We're not leaving yet.

Something's come up at church.

I, I don't want to go.

I know what's going on here.

I'm not an idiot.

Marjorie, take the car and go home.

- What?

- Take the car and go home.

Ned Levon, I'm your wife.

Nice to meet you, Marjorie.

- Poor bastard.

- Drive safe.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers.

Oh, hi.

Let me help you.

Okay.

Oh damn!

Pour me one too, Tiger.

- Are you as thirsty as I am?

- Oh, you bet.

- Sterling.

- Yes?

This is a fun night, thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, damn it.

Ran out of booze.

That's cool.

We can share.

Hey, Sterling, I can't.

I don't think I can kiss a man 'cause I'm,

'cause I'm a Christian.

Me too, man.

Christians make the best lovers.

Remember, Judas kissed Christ.

In a scene described

by what investigators say

is reminiscent of a weird religious rite,

five persons including actress

Sharon Tate were found dead

in the home of Miss Tate

and her husband screen

director Roman Polanski.

Miss Tate, who starred

in "Valley of the Dolls"

was eight months pregnant

and was found in a bikini top nightgown

with a rope around her

neck attached to her body.

Among the other victims

were Hollywood hairstylist Jay Sebring

and coffee heiress Abigail Folger.

Authorities ruled out in

an unofficial capacity

inside the posh $200,000

home in the Hollywood Hills

overlooking Los Angeles.

The telephone and the

electricity lines cut.

The bodies had been dead about 12 hours.

They were discovered this

morning by a neighbor

who went screaming to the neighbors.

One officer summed up

the murders when he said,

"In all my years I've never

seen anything like this."

Why did the philosopher drown?

Because he jumped in the lake

and thought about swimming.

Oh Jesus.

Deja vu.

Is he dead?

- No, is he dead?

- Honey.

- No, is he?

- Honey, honey.

Patti, don't come outside.

No, Leslie!

No, let me go!

- He's dead.

- f*cking go!

He's dead.

Leslie.

I have to ask my dad and he's not here.

What's she doing over there?

Every time somebody says

groovy on the television,

she's taking a drink.

Groovy.

Does my face look red to you?

Marybelle, you are always

so concerned with your face.

Do you think angels live in our hair?

- Marybelle?

- Angels.

Do you think angels live in our hair?

I think angels are real

and tiny and transparent,

and they live in our hair.

Sometimes they sit and dangle their feet

over the top of our ears so

that they can give us advice

when we're having trouble.

Marybelle.

Jerome?

I can do the headstand, wanna see?

Leslie, do you like that?

Jerome, oh no, Jerome.

Jerome, we're not gonna do this, Jerome.

- She wants to get down.

- Jerome.

- No.

- No, no, I got it.

You're okay, baby.

Okay.

What a mess.

Sit down and I'll

get you in your dinner.

Another bubbling concoction of crap?

Why can't we ever have a real meal?

Well, this one is turkey

divan strata, and you love it.

I made it for you our

first night in this house.

Do you remember, Connie?

Steak would be a good meal.

You're too lazy to cut

up some real vegetables

and grill me a piece of meat?

Well, this has turkey in it

and it's got some spinach,

and it's very, very good for you, Connie.

Sterling says Kitty makes

a different meal every night.

Kitty is not creative.

What about roast chicken?

I would love a roast chicken.

Kitty is my very good friend,

but I can assure you she

is not roasting chickens.

Kitty does not know how to bake a potato.

You don't even try.

You do nothing.

Hell, even the can opener

does the work for you.

Connie, today was Leslie's day.

I didn't have time to truss you a bird.

I didn't have time to truss you a bird.

You're a stupid little

hole, you know that?

Connie, I saw you f*cking that bitch

and I saw that you liked it.

Is it 'cause she was a stranger?

Is that what it takes now, Connie?

A stranger?

Do you really want to get into this now?

Well, I'm just not so sure why

you invited those people into our house.

They're not part of our little group.

You mean they had nothing to

do with you and Max Beadham.

I don't know what you're talking.

Oh, come on, Sugar.

Be honest.

You've been wet for Max since

they moved across the street.

I know how that deceitful

mind of yours works.

You couldn't wait to get Max inside you.

You planned that party

and got us all drunk

so you'd have an excuse

to live out your fantasy.

I'll tell you something.

You take things and you mess it around.

I don't know how to reach

you anymore, Connie.

I don't know how to talk to you!

You don't know

what you're talking about.

Would you like one scoop

or would you like two?

I don't want your f*cking casserole!

I'm sick of it!

I'm sick of you!

I'm sick of this house!

I'm sick of your whiny mouth!

I made you that dinner, Connie!

You used to like that dish.

You used to love, love,

love turkey divan strata!

I worked hard to make dinner tonight

because I wanted to make you happy!

I work hard to make you happy,

Connie, and you ruin it!

You ruined our dinner!

You get drunk and you get

mad, and you ruin everything!

You lock yourself in that f*cking bathroom

and you, you go after that,

whatever you do to yourself, Connie!

Your leg.

Your leg looks like raw hamburger meat!

How am I supposed to love that?

Shut your f*cking mouth!

Just stop it.

Just stop it.

Just stop it.

Connie.

I'm pregnant.

Whore.

Isn't that an ugly word?

I think it's the hard H sound, huh,

followed by that hard R.

Whore.

It's really ugly word, isn't it?

Whore.

You almost have to expectorate to say it.

Whore!

I think that's what makes

it such a horrible word.

Not just the consonants hitting each other

that it takes effort to say it.

Whore!

You really have to push to get it out.

Connie, help me.

Just help me.

Whore.

Whore!

Help me.

Please don't leave me.

Filthy!

Please don't leave me, Connie.

Connie, come back here, please!

Please, Connie!

I'm so sorry.

Connie, I'm sorry, please come back here!

Connie!

I'm a lemon, I'm a bag of jello.

Look at me, I'm a yeti.

No, you're not.

You're thick.

I like you fine just the way you are.

No one likes a man ballast.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

We're in this together, remember?

Look.

Okay, I'm not exactly a tasty dish.

What are you talking about?

You are the most beautiful

woman I have ever seen.

I'm a manatee.

God, when did this happen?

I'm not even a man anymore.

Of course you're a man.

You're my man.

No, I'm not.

I'm a dump truck, the cruise liner.

I'm the darn is Isthmus of Panama.

You're perfect to me, okay?

You're perfect to me.

Hey, Ned, come here for a second.

What do you want?

What's going on, Ned?

I've gotta be some place.

I gotta go.

Wait!

I thought maybe we'd get, um,

get together sometime.

I'm still not that way, I'm sorry.

Really?

Really.

You know for not being that way,

you sure give a hell of a blow job, buddy.

Stay the f*ck out of my life.

Oh my God.

What happened?

Sterling, what happened?

I messed up, Kitty.

Shh, okay, I'm here.

I'm here, okay, honey?

Come here.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

Hello, Max.

Oh, I've missed you so much.

What are you doing here?

You're all sweaty, Max.

I just got back from a run.

How long will it take you to pack?

My things are all ready,

I figure if we leave now,

we could be to Vegas by nightfall.

Sugar, what are you talking about?

Oh, we're gonna start

a new life together, Max.

You and I, won't it be divine?

I'm having our baby, Max.

We did it.

You and I, baby Beadham.

It'll be the most beautiful baby ever.

I've never felt this way before.

You don't understand.

I feel alive for the first time

ever in my whole life, Max.

Everything is going to be.

Sugar, I don't know what's

going on in that head of yours,

but I am not leaving my wife.

But you're gonna be a daddy, Max.

A real father.

How do you know it's mine?

Everyone was with everyone.

What about Connie?

Connie hasn't touched me in eons.

We were drunk.

We were having fun.

You've probably forgotten this

is someone else's mistake.

A mistake?

No, Max, don't be silly.

We love each other.

I love you and you love me.

We met in private, remember?

That made it different.

Sugar.

I love Marybelle.

She's my wife,

and I'm not gonna leave her.

Not now, not ever.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Sugar.

I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea.

No, I'm fine, I'm just fine.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I'm okay.

What am I supposed to do, Max?

What am I supposed to do?

You'll figure it out, Sug.

Leslie.

You look good like that.

Natural.

Oh, Max.

My eyes disappear and

my lips are too thin.

I don't like the paint.

All the other girls are so

put together and so with it.

I've gotta be more like that.

I'm such a square.

Belle, come here.

I've been thinking,

let's try to have a baby.

Oh, Max, I don't know.

I'd have to buy a whole

new wardrobe.

And this house, it's our house.

It's not a house for a baby.

You are beautiful.

Just like this.

And I don't care about any of that stuff.

I wanna start over again.

Move away from here.

Move away from our friends?

Everyone.

Oh, Max, yes.

Yes, I want to.

We'll buy a new house.

- A bigger house.

- Yeah.

And we'll paint it.

I'll pick out soothing colors for our baby

and we'll put a swing set in the backyard

and we'll have real grass.

- Yeah.

- And trees.

- We can move to Colorado.

- Yes.

- Away in the mountains.

- Yes, yes.

Away from everybody.

And I'll slide out of bed in the morning

and pull my hair back

and make pancakes for the whole family.

Oh, I want that, I want to.

We can live somewhere

with no mirrors, right?

No mirrors.

Yes, Belle Belle.

We don't have to live

with any of that stuff.

I feel like everybody's

always looking at me.

The only neighbors we'll have

are the deer and the squirrels.

Come on, help me.

More, grab them all!

I love you, wife.

I love you, husband.

- Jesus H. Christ.

- Holy sh*t.

How did we miss this the first time?

Un-f*cking-believable.