13x22 - A Call to Arms

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

♪ THE ANIMALS: House of the Rising Sun

♪ There is a house in New Orleans

♪ They call the Rising Sun

- ♪ And it's been... - Right!

♪ The ruin of many a poor boy

- ♪ And God, I know I'm one... - Bill... bill... bill...

Inland Revenue?

♪ Oh, Mother, tell your children

♪ Not to do what I have done

♪ Spend your lives in sin and misery

- ♪ In the House of the Rising Sun ♪ - Oh, no!

TRAIN WHISTLE

- Do you still do taxis? - Sorry?

- Is there a taxi rank? - Oh, er... Oi! You!

Er, gentleman here wants a cab.

It's over there, sir.

Come on!

What are you doing? Mr Midgely will go mad.

- Come in here, quick. - I can't.

- I've got to see to this lot. - Oi.

Oh, no.

No, not them.

Ah, the Garage! Still there.

Well, I'll be damned.

And the dear old Aidensfield Arms.

Are you sure this is where he lives?

- Oh, yeah, definitely. - Oscar!

My old mate, Oscar.

- I'm sorry? - Harry.

- Harry Hawkswell. - Harry...?

Harry!

Well, well, well, my word.

After all these years. What are you doing here?

I don't believe this. I didn't even think we were still in it.

Once in, always in. You know the rules.

All right. But I don't like the sound of this one little bit.

Look, couldn't we just pretend we never got it or something?

What?

Are you crazy?

This is the class struggle.

- We're fighting for our beliefs. - Yeah, but...

There are no "buts", Lionel.

Look, if we get an order, we deal with it.

- Else we're in big trouble. - Like what?

Like people coming to beat the living daylights out of us,

that kind of thing.

This isn't the Boy Scouts, brother.

Listen. "Red alert. Urgent."

"Judge Yardley arriving in Ashfordly area imminently."

- "Take immediate action. Vital." - Well, what does that mean?

Well. Obviously.

We find the guy and then we deal with him.

- Look, what you doing after work? - I'm taking Sheila out.

Right.

I'll meet you in Ashfordly Woods car park at seven. We'll talk then.

Look, how are we going to find him if we don't know what he looks like?

They sent this.

I've just met him.

The Inland Revenue. Oh, dear.

Well, read it. Go on.

David, will you buzz off?

Go and get Mr Hawkswell's car ready or something.

Well, go on.

Oh, Lord.

A full inspection. What does that mean?

Well, it means they're going to come to the house

and look through your papers.

I can't pay any more tax, Bernard. I haven't got any more money.

Yeah, but you did have. Buckets of it.

Yes. And I lost it all, if you remember.

Yeah, but they might not believe you.

They might want to come and turn the house upside down just to make sure.

They do that.

I had a friend once who kept a lot of money under the mattress

and didn't declare it. - And?

They found it.

On one of these full inspections.

Oh, another ex-policeman, eh?

That's right Gina, Harry and I worked together

at Ashfordly Police Station.

What, it must be... years ago?

Oh, at least, yes. Our very first posting.

You're joking, aren't you?

Ah, those were the days, eh?

You should have seen the old rascal then. A terror for the girls.

Oh, aye?

Well, I wouldn't say that exactly.

Oh, yes. Hey, there was another young feller at the Station.

He got hooked very early on

by a girl with a face like a bloodhound.

Now, what was his name?

- Alf. - Alf.

Ventress! Alf Ventress.

Yes!

- I wonder what happened to him? - Well, he's still around.

- And Mrs Ventress. - No!

I'll give him a call.

Alf Ventress. There's a name to conjure with.

I'll show you to your room then, shall I?

So, have you got any idea how long you're going to be staying?

Er... that's a difficult one.

- It rather depends. - Right. Follow me.

Hurry up, Alf. You might catch Blue Peter if you step on it.

Valerie Singleton and her yoghurt pots. You Mustn't miss that(!)

I don't know, it's all right for some, eh? Home by six.

Long cosy evenings in front of the fire.

TELEPHONE RINGS

You're just jealous.

Ashfordly Police Station.

He is, yes.

Alf, Oscar for you.

Oh.

Hello, Oscar.

Who?

I know you picked him up because my brother works here

and he told me that you did.

- I can't remember. - Yes, you can.

It was around five o'clock. Oldish fella with specs.

Maybe you should ask Mr Scripps.

It's not a question of Mr Scripps.

Look, I just want to know

where you took him.

It's nothing bad.

I've got something for him, that's all.

Oh, right. Oh, well, then.

In that case, he's up at the pub visiting Mr Blaketon.

- The Aidensfield Arms? - Yeah, that's right.

Hey, shall I tell him that you're looking for him?

Because he's coming to the garage later to pick up his hire car.

No! We want it to be a surprise.

Oh.

- So, not a word, then, eh? - OK.

I can't believe it, Alf. Still working.

Still in the same old station!

- Yes... - And in civvies.

Where's the sense in that?

You're either in the Force or you're out. There's no halfway house.

Er, no...

Much better to jack it in altogether. That's what I say.

Retirement's nothing to be frightened of. Is it, Oscar?

Er, well...

I've never been happier.

You mustn't cling to the past, old chap.

Move on. Get some new interests.

- Have you got any hobbies? - Yes. Fishing.

Well, then, wouldn't you rather be doing that

than pushing papers round in a stuffy office? Of course you would.

These are our sunset years.

Enjoy them before it's too late.

I suppose you're right.

I mean... my wife passed away, unfortunately.

But I'm not the sort to be lonely. Good Lord, no.

I've got new friends in the stamp world and life is full.

Stamps are my passion.

And since retirement,

my collection's come on by leaps and bounds.

Have either of you ever been to the Harrogate Stamp Fair?

I'll get the photos.

What?

Oh, no! I don't believe it.

So... what do we do now?

Ooh. Hang on. I've got a pencil.

Right.

Hello, Gina. Can I have a packet of cigars, please?

Hello, stranger.

Liz.

You've been rather elusive recently.

Mm, yeah. Lots to, er, catch up on at work.

- And have you? - Have I what?

Caught up?

Oh. Yes.

Yes, sort of.

Good. well, I was going to head home and get something to eat.

- Do you want to join me? - No.

No, er... No, I'd better keep an eye on things up at the Hall.

- Cigars, Ben. - Thanks.

I'll phone you tomorrow.

MUSIC: 'Strange Movies' by The Troggs

♪ Last night I saw a, uh strange movie, uh, uh

♪ Everyone was in bed

♪ Last night it made me, uh feel groovy, uh, uh,

♪ Watching things that they did

♪ There was Bill and Sue

♪ Jake and Sid and Mandy too

♪ They went uh, uh, uh, uh uh, uh, uh, wow!

GROWLING

♪ Sid and Mandy, they were, uh Getting randy, uh, uh

♪ When Sue and Billy joined in...

Sheila all right?

Yeah, get in.

♪ ..and uh anticipating, uh, uh

♪ Started smoothing their skin... ♪

Right.

The bloke you saw at the station was dropped off

at The Aidensfield Arms. - Right.

So, first thing we do is check him out.

Make sure he really is this Judge bloke.

And if he is?

We make his life uncomfortable, of course.

He's just sent down three of our members, Lionel.

That's seven years apiece.

Bernard. That was nearly it.

- That was nearly the end of me. - Oh, yes?

You won't believe what I've just seen in the woods.

Probably not.

A puma.

Been on the wine gums again, have we?

I'm telling you. It was this big. It nearly k*lled me.

All right, all right. Don't get so excited.

What were you doing in the woods anyway?

Well, I went... Oh, it doesn't matter.

Anyway. On the way back, I phoned the Evening Gazette

and they said if we could get a photograph...

- No. - They'll pay good money.

No.

But if we went together...

Vernon, I'm extremely busy.

- Good night. - Oh...

You've no pioneering spirit. That's your trouble.

Ah, David, just the man I'm looking for.

MUSIC: Do You Want To Know A Secret? by BILLY J KRAMER & THE DAKOTAS

♪ Do you want to know a secret?

♪ Do you promise not to tell?

♪ Whoa-whoa

♪ Closer

♪ Let me whisper in your ear

♪ Say the words I love to hear

♪ I'm in love with you

- ♪ Whoo-ooo - What's he doing here?

♪ Closer

♪ Let me whisper in your ear

♪ Say the words I love to hear

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Whoo-ooo

♪ I've known a secret for a week or two

♪ Nobody knows, just we two

♪ Closer

♪ Let me whisper in your ear

♪ Say the words... ♪

MUSIC: 'Take a Heart' by The Sorrows

♪ First you take a heart

♪ Then you break a heart

♪ But before you do

♪ You make it fall for you... ♪

This is your room, is it?

Well, I went out for the evening and came back to find this.

Me and Oscar didn't hear a thing, Steve.

Not a thing. It's really scary.

What time did you go out?

Erm...

Well, it was about eight o'clock, Harry.

You said you were going out for a breath of air.

Yes, that's right.

- And is anything missing? - No.

- Anything anywhere else? - No.

Well, I think this is as far as they got. Harry must have disturbed them.

Well, if they'd come into my room, I'd have just died.

All right, Gina.

It gives me the absolute shivers, Oscar.

Strangers creeping around in the dark,

and me lying in the room next door. It's terrifying.

OK. I'll have a ride around, see if I can see anyone on the roads.

I don't think there's anything more we can do here

till Scene of Crimes come in the morning.

Obviously, nothing must be touched in this room, so if Harry could...?

Come on, Mr Hawkswell. I'll make you up a bed in the box room.

Thanks, Gina.

What time did he come in?

Oh, about one o'clock.

Where'd he been till that time?

He went to Whitby. To see a friend of his.

Somebody after the till, I suppose.

I reckon.

Can you keep back from the ladder, please, everyone?

There are prints we have to take.

Sorry to hear about the break-in, Oscar.

Oh, by the way, if anybody wants me,

I'm not around. I've got the tax man coming this afternoon

and I'm up to my ears in paperwork.

Oh, and David, remember what I said. Don't come home till he's gone.

Yeah, all right, Mr Vernon.

Hey, Vernon. How was the puma hunt?

David said you didn't have much luck.

Er, not last night, no.

It doesn't happen all at once.

You have to have patience to be a big game hunter.

Oh, yes, I'm sure. Especially in Ashfordly Woods(!)

Look. I definitely saw it.

I expect it was a large rabbit.

Oh, yeah, they're easily mistaken for pumas, aren't they, eh(?)

Especially if they come up on you suddenly(!)

Oh, go on, you can laugh.

But you'll eat your words later.

Not if the puma eats you first, eh, Vernon?

So, anything found at the scene? Footprints, fingerprints?

Plenty, Sarge. Scene of Crime is there now.

Good.

It'll be the Fairchilds, I'll bet you.

All right, then. Get their file out, would you, Graham? Thanks.

But why the Aidensfield Arms?

Devilment, I'd imagine.

Oh, hello, Harry.

Well, well, well.

Talk about a time warp!

Oh, you've moved desks. That's progress, I suppose...

Er, Sarge, this is Harry. PC Hawkswell that was.

He was here when Oscar and I first started.

- Er, Harry, this is Sergeant Merton. - Pleased to meet you, Sergeant.

Harry.

Oh.

years on and just the same.

Hey, I bet you still brew up in that old kettle in the washroom.

I'm afraid so. Yes.

Well, make us a cuppa, lad.

Let's have a trip down memory lane.

Liz?

I hear there's been a break-in.

- Yes. - Is it bad?

They left one of the guest bedrooms in a bit of a state.

I was, er... I was looking for you, actually, not coming to gawp.

Oh, yes?

To apologise for last night. I was a bit off.

I've been really busy at work recently.

- Not to worry. - Are you sure?

Of course.

I do hope you haven't started smoking, though.

I'd have to warn you that as a doctor, I feel...

- I haven't. - So why the cigars?

What?

Oh, those. They weren't for me, silly. They're for his Lordship.

For when he comes back.

Come here.

I'll see you later.

But he doesn't smoke, either.

I wouldn't go back to work again now for all the tea in China,

not now I've tasted freedom.

Getting up when I want, doing what I want.

Did I show you the photos of my stamp collection?

- Yes. - Yes.

Actually, I'd best be off.

As I keep saying to Alf here, he's a fool to stay on.

Yes, well...

Apart from anything else, the job isn't what it was.

The discipline, the respect. All gone to pot.

I mean, take this burglary.

Vandalism, I call it. That sort of thing didn't used to happen.

We didn't let it. Policemen today have lost all authority.

- The public of Great Britain... - Mr Hawkswell.

Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure is a most fascinating conversation

but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

We're extremely busy.

Crane, I've Oscar Blaketon coming to see me about the break-in.

Bring in that list of suspects, will you?

Yes, Sarge.

Well!

Well, I think perhaps he's right.

Er, we have got a lot to do. Er, but I'll see you later.

- At the pub, eh? - Possibly, yes.

Ah, morning, all. Ah, morning again, Harry.

So, er, where are you off to now, then? Another walk in the woods?

Sorry?

Well, I thought that's what you were doing last night.

No. I went to Whitby. I told you.

Well, that's odd.

What?

Well, he can't be in two places at once

and Vernon and David swear blind they saw him in Ashfordly Woods.

First he goes to the police station. Then he goes shopping.

All the time looking that pleased with himself.

He's no idea we're on to him.

Here he comes now.

What's he got there?

Champagne!

Champagne and caviar while our lads eat slops. It's disgusting.

Right. If Plan A didn't rattle him,

it's onto Plan B. This time he'll know we mean business.

As you can see, Mr Wilkinson, it's all in perfect order.

New Zealand Apples, you see, is invoices.

Now, Icelandic Cod, er, that's receipts...

Alfred, stop eating July's figures, will you?

And I've got them all together. We'll go through them ourselves.

It should take us about five minutes, you see?

Now, the receipts. This is April-November...

...

That shouldn't be there, should it?

I'll tell you what, just hold on to that, will you?

And I'll find... No, that's not.... No, no, hang on.

Alfred, will you get down?

Look, hang on to that and take those as well.

We don't want to get in a muddle, do we?

Oh!

Shut the door!

MUSIC: 'Reflections Of My Life' by The Marmalade

♪ The changing

♪ Of sunlight

♪ To moonlight

- ♪ Reflections of my life... - Right.

- Come on, then. - But he might come back.

We do it quickly.

I'll stand guard.

Right, let's go. You get the tools out.

♪ The greetings

♪ Of people

♪ In trouble

♪ Reflections of my life

♪ Oh, how they fill my mind... ♪

Say the break-in happened earlier when the pub was still open.

That would explain why Gina and I didn't hear anything.

Well, if they weren't disturbed, why stop at Harry's room?

Unless they were after Harry?

Well, it was just an idea.

Yes, but why would anyone want to be after Harry?

Well, I might if he goes on any more about his ruddy stamps.

I don't know. Just all seems a bit odd to me.

David!

Looks like someone's in trouble.

Well?

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Mr Wilkinson said he'd never seen such chaos.

Never.

Well, I didn't know you had your papers out.

I didn't know the wind was going to blow in like that.

Goodness knows what's going to happen now.

I'll probably end up in prison.

Oh, no.

And if I do, it's your fault.

(WHISTLES)

MUSIC: 'Move It' by Cliff Richard

♪ Come on, pretty baby let's a-move it and a-groove it

♪ Well, a-shake-a, baby, shake oh, honey, please don't lose it

♪ The rhythm that gets into your heart and soul

♪ Let me tell you, baby it's called rock 'n' roll

♪ They say it's gonna die but, honey, please let's face it

♪ Well, they just don't know what's a-goin' to replace it

♪ Yeah, ballads and calypsos they got nothing on

♪ Real country music that just drives along

♪ Well, move it... ♪

TYRES SQUEAL

MUSIC: 'I've Been A Bad Bad Boy' by Paul Jones

♪ Hey, little girl

♪ I'm in a whirl

♪ I've been a bad, bad boy

♪ I'm on my knees

♪ Forgive me, please

♪ I've been a bad, bad boy

♪ I'm not the man you think I am

♪ I give you warning

♪ You'll wake up and find me gone

♪ Some sunny morning

♪ Things that I said...

Mr Hawkswell!

♪ I've been a bad, bad boy ♪

Alf, you'll never find anything from that far back.

What does it matter why Harry left years ago?

I don't see how it's going to help us with this break-in business.

Well, he might've done something, mightn't he?

He might have done something was dangerous for him in the area.

- He might have made an enemy. - What?

Harry?

What, did you find something?

Alf? PHONE RINGS

Ashfordly Police.

Oh, hello, Steve.

Right.

Right. I'll check the hospitals.

There's been a crash on the road up to Ashfordly Woods.

Harry Hawkswell's gone missing.

- Fantastic. - Yeah, but where's the judge?

Snuffed it with any luck.

No-one will know. They'll think it was an accident.

When was this car last serviced, David?

Last week.

well, the bleed screws are loose. All four of them.

That was Bellamy. No sign of Hawkswell at the pub,

no reports from the hospitals.

Sarge. Check that bleed screw.

Now, all four of them are loose.

There's no fluid left, so the brakes would have failed completely.

They can't be. Mr Scripps would never leave them like that.

- Never. - We're not saying he did, David.

Sabotage?

Looks like it.

And where is Mr Hawkswell?

MUSIC: 'Do Re Mi' by Georgie Fame & The Blue Flames

♪ Do re mi fa so la ti

♪ My over there was passing me

♪ She got a whole lot of rhythm when she walks

♪ And I can hear music when she talks

♪ Do re mi fa so la ti

♪ Forget about the do and think about me

♪ Do re mi fa so la ti

♪ I can learn to love you yes, sirree

♪ I may sound crazy but it's a fact

♪ Tell me, pretty baby how you gonna act?

♪ Do re mi fa so la ti

♪ Forget about the do and think about me

♪ Gimme good, good lovin'

♪ Do re mi fa so la ti I wanna... ♪

As this is the nearest place to the scene of the accident,

I was wondering whether the victim might have come here for help.

We think it probably happened in the small hours.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, that's fine. Perhaps I should introduce you.

Sergeant Merton, Ashfordly Police.

This is Detective-Sergeant Worley,

Special Branch. - Sergeant.

Look at the state of it! What's Harry been playing at?

Don't touch. Not till we've gone over it for prints.

Prints?

We think someone might have tampered with the brakes.

What? To cause an accident?

- Well, that's what it looks like. - It could've k*lled him.

- Quite. - Oi!

But luckily it didn't.

Mr Hawkswell! Where on earth have you been?

In the woods. Waiting for help.

Where else am I going to find shelter

in a godforsaken spot like this?

Mr Vernon. Something else awful has happened.

Now, you're not going to be very pleased.

I didn't do it. It's not my fault...

David, come here, you little beaut. I could kiss you.

Oh, Mr Vernon!

Congratulations! You're a clever lad. Here, read this.

From Mr Wilkinson. He must have written it

as soon as he got back to his office.

Well, go on. Read it.

"Dear Mr Scripps. Re: tax...

tax-ashun.."

I'm off the hook. That's what it says.

They're not going to investigate me.

And it's all down to your brilliant little wheeze.

What?

Coming in like that and muddling all the papers up.

The man obviously couldn't face it. Obviously had enough.

You have made an old friend a very happy man.

Oh, you're not going to be happy for very long,

not when I tell you about the hire car.

Right. What I'm about to tell you must go no further.

And that's an order right from the top. Do you understand?

BOTH: Yes, sarge.

Good.

We have a VIP staying incognito up at Ashfordly Hall.

Ah, you mean a pop star or something?

Just listen, please, will you, Bellamy?

Sorry.

nobody knows his name, apart from Ben Norton

and Mrs Kellet the housekeeper. And even she doesn't know who he is.

He's in hiding because he's received death threats

from a small extremist group.

I'll tell you this much. He's a high-court judge

and he recently gave three members of this group long prison sentences.

And now they want their revenge?

Yes.

it's not that case in all the papers?

The bombs in the left-luggage lockers?

Who was that judge?

Never mind who he is.

Yardley! Judge Yardley!

All right, that's enough.

This man's life could be in serious danger.

Special Branch believe the local cell of this group

has been activated.

We've no idea how big it is or who's in it.

but we do know they're likely to be extremely violent.

And Special Branch have been tipped off

that they're planning to act tonight.

Which is where we come in.

Are you telling me Harry spent the night in the woods?

That's what he said.

Well, it didn't seem like it. He came in this morning

as fresh as a daisy. Cheerful as anything.

You know what the first thing he said was?

"Can I borrow your car?"

Because he crashed Bernie's.

Aye. To see his so-called friend in Whitby.

The thing is, Alf, the only place

we know for certain that he goes to is Ashfordly Woods.

Well, if that's where he's gone now, and that's where Merton and the lads

are doing their hush-hush surveillance work...

We'd better find him quick.

Oh, by the way. For what it's worth,

I've found out why he was moved to Penrith.

Woman trouble.

DOG GROWLS

Shut up, Sheila.

I don't like this.

Hold still!

We shouldn't be doing it.

We've got to. Stop whingeing, will you?

This is what we should've done from the very start, according to HQ.

They're not happy with us at all.

Yeah, but we could k*ll other people, not just the judge.

Pass that other bottle.

Hey, Alf.

Look, there's my car.

We were right. He is here somewhere.

But why?

Just park under those trees and we'll go and find out.

- Where are you going? - Pub.

- Oh, great. Can I come? - No.

It's a business meeting.

Look, it's nearly time for The Archers. You like them.

Why do you need a torch for a business meeting?

Oh, for... Gordon Bennet, David. All right, look,

I'm going to look for the puma again.

To see if I can get a picture of it. And no,

you can't come. Last time you did nothing

but twitter and moan all the way there about wanting to come home.

Yeah, but I won't be frightened this time, will I?

Because I spoke to Mr Scripps and he said that there isn't a puma.

Well, I won't mind looking for a puma that isn't there, will I?

David, The Archers. Now.

RADIO: "This is the BBC Home Service."

"And now an everyday story of country folk."

Oh, Mr Vernon! You've forgot your...

MUSIC: 'Barwick Green' by Arthur Wood

Come on, Phil. It's just a few hours of surveillance.

Not the end of the world.

- I had a date. - Oh. Really?

No need to sound so surprised.

So there's no hope you and Gina...

No! Look, just leave it, will you?

Everything all right?

Good, let's go.

There he is, look. Don't tell me that's his wife.

What a hypocrite.

DOG PANTS

Shut up, Sheila!

Right, no torches, and absolute silence.

We'll approach the Hall from this direction

and hide up among the trees.

Slow down, Sarge.

Oscar Blaketon?

No. It's Harry Hawkswell, sir.

Oscar lent him his car when the other got smashed.

- What's he doing here? - No idea.

You don't think he's something to do with this surveillance job, do you?

A private eye or something?

Or an undercover Special Branch man?

So you don't think it'd be a good idea to move on?

No, I do not. I'm enjoying a most pleasant little holiday

and have no intention of cutting it short.

It's Harry and Ben Norton!

You don't suppose they're involved, do you?

- In what? - I don't know.

Whatever this surveillance business is all about.

Bellamy, you take the front of the hall.

Crane, you and I will go round the back.

Well, there's Mr Hawkswell, Sarge.

Ah, Bellamy.

At least we've found Mr Hawkswell.

I've just seen him round the front talking to Ben Norton.

Go on. Do it while the blighter's still in view.

Just run up to the window and lob 'em.

- But what about the woman? - Get on with it.

I'm having nothing more to do with the Brigade after this.

- I'm resigning. - Go on.

How can he be here, if he was there?

It's got to be two different people.

And that one's not Harry.

Oi, you!

Crane, get after him!

Sheila, Sheila!

It's OK. You're all right.

Don't just stand there. Call an ambulance.

- I'll go. - Well, well, well.

So this is the dangerous and ruthless fellow

I've been hiding from, is it?

Er, yes. One half of the local cell, it seems.

And this looks like the other half.

MUSIC: 'Moonshadow' by Cat Stevens

♪ Yes, I'm being followed by a moonshadow

♪ Moonshadow, moonshadow

♪ Leaping and hopping on a moonshadow

♪ Moonshadow, moonshadow

♪ And if I ever lose my hands

♪ Lose my plough, lose my land

♪ Oh, if I ever lose my hands

♪ Oh, if

♪ I won't have to work no more... ♪

GROWLING

You have been very lucky.

You have a few nasty burns to your chest and arms.

But in a week you'll be as right as rain.

So, that's who you bought the cigars for, is it?

So, go on, Ben. Tell me, who is he?

It's Judge Yardley.

What?

THE Judge Yardley?

Mm. Been here for about a week now.

A very private visit.

I see...

Well, I couldn't tell you, Liz, honestly.

the whole thing had to be kept secret.

- But I wanted to. Obviously. - Right.

I really didn't want to upset you.

You didn't. Not at all.

I just wondered why you so obviously didn't want to see me,

and now I understand and it's fine.

Call me sometime if you're not too busy.

Mrs Kellet.

My office now.

Mrs Kellet, of course!

Harry had a steamy affair with her all those years ago, I remember.

So that's why he came back.

A frog who would a-wooing go.

Yeah.

I'm not surprised he's got a smile on his face.

ANIMAL RUMBLES

Oh, Vernon Scripps. You fool.

You're not a puma at all, are you?

You're just some poor lost mutt.

Has somebody dumped you, have they?

Well, never you mind.

We'll soon get you home.

You could perhaps come and live with us as our guard dog?

I'll tell you what, David will be thrilled.

Not so sure about Alfred, mind...

Just give me... Ah!

No visitors, I said, while our "guest" was with us. And you agreed.

You knew how serious it was.

All the while, you've been entertaining your boyfriend!

- I beg your pardon? - Against explicit instructions.

Mr Hawkswell is not my "boyfriend".

You probably told your friend all about Judge Yardley.

I greatly resent that remark.

And I resent the fact that I can't trust a member of my own staff.

Mr Hawkswell is an old friend.

He wrote, asking if he could visit and I said yes.

I didn't know about Judge Yardley staying. Not then. And when I did,

I didn't breathe a word to a soul. And that includes Harry.

I don't need this job, you know, Mr Norton.

My husband left me with a very good pension.

So if this is going to be your attitude...

No, no. I'm sorry.

That was inexcusable. I shouldn't have been so rude.

This last week's been quite a strain.

Evidently.

Look, Mrs Kellet...

Oh, damn!

Help! Help!!

WHISTLING

I'm stuck up a tree!

Help!

We were getting on so well.

Aye, but I don't think there's any future in it. Not really.

The thing is, Harry, whenever you come into my life, things go wrong.

The first time nearly broke my marriage up.

The second time, you've nearly cost me my job.

Well, how about third time lucky?

I daren't risk it.

You're the girl for me.

I've always loved you.

Come on.

We could have a good life, you and me.

Do everything together.

You could help me with my stamps.

Oh, it wouldn't work.

To be honest...

Well, we've both changed over the years.

- Our interests have diverged. - Diverged?

It's the stamps, Harry.

They bore me rigid.

Well, the Judge has finally left with his minder and I'm a free man.

So I was wondering if you would help me celebrate?

Liz,

I've had a pretty stupid day in all sorts of ways

but, erm, the worst thing is I've upset the woman I love.

I just... wanted to say I'm sorry.

It's all been a bit of a disaster, really.

It seemed a good idea at the time, mind.

What, looking up Mrs Kellet again?

Aye. Well. I'd never really forgotten her, you know.

Once Elsie died, I thought I'd track her down and...

Then I found out she was a widow so I thought...

You'd try your luck.

We wrote for a bit and then I thought I'd come and see her.

She seemed so pleased to see me to start with.

Don't ever retire, Alf.

You've no idea how much I miss the job.

Well, it's a way of life, I suppose.

Aye. It is.

It's your family.

Cheer up. We're all in the same boat.

Well, you've got this. And Alf's got Mrs Ventress.

I'd love to have more time for my fishing.

No, you wouldn't.

Not if you had it. Then it'd be like my stamps.

You'd try and make it bigger than it really was and bore everyone rigid.

Oh, come on, Harry.

That's what Mrs Kellet said. The stamps bored her rigid.

Oh, surely not?

Well, that was only her opinion, wasn't it?

There must be lots of women who would find them interesting.

- What do you think, Alf? - Oh, yes. I'm sure there are.

Really?

You've got a lot to offer, Harry. Most women would jump at the chance.

Well, actually, I was thinking of trying

one of them Lonely Hearts columns, you know.

Er put an ad in. Well, what do you think?

Oh, good idea.

"Handsome widower with... VBSC."

VBSC?

Very Big Stamp Collection.

BANGING ON DOOR

- Mr Blaketon. - We're closed.

We've lost Mr Vernon!

He went looking for the wretched puma again.

That was hours ago, he's still not back.

VERNON: Help!

BERNIE: Vernon!

DAVID: Mr Vernon!

VERNON: Help!

- ALF: Vernon! - BERNIE: Where are you?

I'm up a tree!

What are you doing?

Getting away from the puma.

Vernon!

I had to fight it off with my bare hands.

Come on down, you idiot.

I can't.

- I don't believe this. - I'll get him.

No, hang on, Harry. Let David do it.

No, no, no.

Climbing trees is one thing this old buffer IS quite good at.

Give us a leg up, Alf.

Aarrghh!