02x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Tonight the management and

Tonight the management and
staff of this station would like

Tonight the management and
staff of this station would like
to take this opportunity to

Staff of this station would like
to take this opportunity to
respond to the allegations that

To take this opportunity to
respond to the allegations that
we here at channel have been

Respond to the allegations that
we here at channel have been
making up the news.

We here at channel have been
making up the news.
In the field of journalism,

Making up the news.
In the field of journalism,
there is no --

In the field of journalism,
there is no --
[ crashing ]

There is no --
[ crashing ]
in the field of journalism,

[ Crashing ]
in the field of journalism,
there is no more serious

In the field of journalism,
there is no more serious
allegation that a journalist has

There is no more serious
allegation that a journalist has
been tampering with the veracity

Allegation that a journalist has
been tampering with the veracity
of facts in an on--

Been tampering with the veracity
of facts in an on--
[ laughs ]

Of facts in an on--
[ laughs ]
[ laughing ] stop it, you guys.

[ Laughs ]
[ laughing ] stop it, you guys.
This just in --

[ Laughing ] stop it, you guys.
This just in --
[ laughing ]

This just in --
[ laughing ]
we're in trouble!

Also in the news tonight, two

Also in the news tonight, two
clearly insane people broke into

Also in the news tonight, two
clearly insane people broke into
a wig store today and stole two

Clearly insane people broke into
a wig store today and stole two
wigs.

A wig store today and stole two
wigs.
This just in -- two clearly

Wigs.
This just in -- two clearly
insane people broke into a

This just in -- two clearly
insane people broke into a
stable tonight and stole two

Insane people broke into a
stable tonight and stole two
donkeys.

Stable tonight and stole two
donkeys.
You know, folks, as a

Donkeys.
You know, folks, as a
professional journalist, I have

You know, folks, as a
professional journalist, I have
to wonder if these stories are

Professional journalist, I have
to wonder if these stories are
related.

To wonder if these stories are
related.
Hmm.

Related.
Hmm.
So, you're the two lounge

Hmm.
So, you're the two lounge
singers?

So, you're the two lounge
singers?
Yes, we are, prick.

Singers?
Yes, we are, prick.
Those wouldn't happen to be

Yes, we are, prick.
Those wouldn't happen to be
your donkeys outside, would

Those wouldn't happen to be
your donkeys outside, would
they?

Your donkeys outside, would
they?
Why, no!

They?
Why, no!
I mean, we might have stolen

Why, no!
I mean, we might have stolen
them, but that doesn't make them

I mean, we might have stolen
them, but that doesn't make them
our donkeys, does it?

Them, but that doesn't make them
our donkeys, does it?
Clever, jerry, clever.

Our donkeys, does it?
Clever, jerry, clever.
Clever.

Clever, jerry, clever.
Clever.
[ Both laughing ]

Clever.
[ Both laughing ]
so, did you get us the piano

[ Both laughing ]
so, did you get us the piano
player that we requested?

So, did you get us the piano
player that we requested?
Yeah, he's up there on stage.

Player that we requested?
Yeah, he's up there on stage.
Does he have a piano?

Yeah, he's up there on stage.
Does he have a piano?
Yeah, it's that big thing in

Does he have a piano?
Yeah, it's that big thing in
front of him.

Yeah, it's that big thing in
front of him.
Well, does he have fingers?

Front of him.
Well, does he have fingers?
Y-yes, he does.

Well, does he have fingers?
Y-yes, he does.
Good. Introduce us or die.

Y-yes, he does.
Good. Introduce us or die.
Yes.

Good. Introduce us or die.
Yes.
I love him.

Yes.
I love him.
But I love him.

I love him.
But I love him.
Hello, everybody, and welcome

But I love him.
Hello, everybody, and welcome
to the preshow part of the show.

Hello, everybody, and welcome
to the preshow part of the show.
Leave.

To the preshow part of the show.
Leave.
I hope you're enjoying the

Leave.
I hope you're enjoying the
preshow part of the show.

I hope you're enjoying the
preshow part of the show.
And now that the show is about

Preshow part of the show.
And now that the show is about
to begin, I hope you'll enjoy

And now that the show is about
to begin, I hope you'll enjoy
the show part of the show.

To begin, I hope you'll enjoy
the show part of the show.
And when that's over, I think

The show part of the show.
And when that's over, I think
your favorite part of the show

And when that's over, I think
your favorite part of the show
will be the describing the show

Your favorite part of the show
will be the describing the show
to the police part of the show.

Will be the describing the show
to the police part of the show.
Leave.

To the police part of the show.
Leave.
Our first act are a couple of

Leave.
Our first act are a couple of
guys who --

Our first act are a couple of
guys who --
sisters!

Guys who --
sisters!
We're a couple of sisters!

Sisters!
We're a couple of sisters!
Of course.

We're a couple of sisters!
Of course.
Are a couple of lovely sisters

Of course.
Are a couple of lovely sisters
who want you to know that they

Are a couple of lovely sisters
who want you to know that they
are in fact lounge singers and

Who want you to know that they
are in fact lounge singers and
not two clearly insane people.

Are in fact lounge singers and
not two clearly insane people.
Leave.

Not two clearly insane people.
Leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, one hand

Leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, one hand
clapping against the other makes

Ladies and gentlemen, one hand
clapping against the other makes
a very nice sound for sizzler

Clapping against the other makes
a very nice sound for sizzler
and sizzler.

A very nice sound for sizzler
and sizzler.
Good evening, pricks.

And sizzler.
Good evening, pricks.
I'm jerry sizzler, and this is

Good evening, pricks.
I'm jerry sizzler, and this is
my sister.

I'm jerry sizzler, and this is
my sister.
Jerry sizzler!

My sister.
Jerry sizzler!
We, of course, are two lounge

Jerry sizzler!
We, of course, are two lounge
singers.

We, of course, are two lounge
singers.
And not two clearly insane

Singers.
And not two clearly insane
people.

And not two clearly insane
people.
No.

People.
No.
[ Plays note ]

No.
[ Plays note ]
aah!

[ Plays note ]
aah!
What the hell is he doing

Aah!
What the hell is he doing
on stage?!

What the hell is he doing
on stage?!
Get the hell off our stage,

On stage?!
Get the hell off our stage,
prick!

Get the hell off our stage,
prick!
We could k*ll you with our

Prick!
We could k*ll you with our
bare hands!

We could k*ll you with our
bare hands!
Yes. Whoooo!

Bare hands!
Yes. Whoooo!
Sizzler and sizzler is an

Yes. Whoooo!
Sizzler and sizzler is an
a cappella act.

Sizzler and sizzler is an
a cappella act.
We perform alone whenever we

A cappella act.
We perform alone whenever we
perform.

We perform alone whenever we
perform.
And this is our first time.

Perform.
And this is our first time.
Wrong!

And this is our first time.
Wrong!
Ooh! Wrong!

Wrong!
Ooh! Wrong!
Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Ooh! Wrong!
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
, , , .

Wrong, wrong, wrong!
, , , .
♪ Tie a yellow ribbon 'round

, , , .
♪ Tie a yellow ribbon 'round
the old oak tree

♪ Tie a yellow ribbon 'round
the old oak tree
it's been three long years -- ♪

The old oak tree
it's been three long years -- ♪
sing, you pricks!

It's been three long years -- ♪
sing, you pricks!
♪ Now the whole damn bus is

Sing, you pricks!
♪ Now the whole damn bus is
cheering, and I can't believe I

♪ Now the whole damn bus is
cheering, and I can't believe I
see ♪

Cheering, and I can't believe I
see ♪
, , , , , ...

See ♪
, , , , , ...
, , , , , ...

, , , , , ...
, , , , , ...
, !

, , , , , ...
, !
♪ Yes, , yes, yellow

, !
♪ Yes, , yes, yellow
ribbons 'round the old oak

♪ Yes, , yes, yellow
ribbons 'round the old oak
tree ♪

Ribbons 'round the old oak
tree ♪
thank you.

Tree ♪
thank you.
Shut up, you pricks.

Thank you.
Shut up, you pricks.
I'm jerry sizzler, and this is

Shut up, you pricks.
I'm jerry sizzler, and this is
my sister.

I'm jerry sizzler, and this is
my sister.
Jerry sizzler!

My sister.
Jerry sizzler!
Yes.

Jerry sizzler!
Yes.
So, where are you pricks

Yes.
So, where are you pricks
from?!

So, where are you pricks
from?!
Answer, you pricks!

From?!
Answer, you pricks!
♪ Strangers in the night ♪

Answer, you pricks!
♪ Strangers in the night ♪
♪ la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Strangers in the night ♪
♪ la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
we don't need to know the

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
we don't need to know the
lyrics.

We don't need to know the
lyrics.
We're stylists!

Lyrics.
We're stylists!
Well, the time has come for

We're stylists!
Well, the time has come for
us to mount our donkeys and

Well, the time has come for
us to mount our donkeys and
leave for you are beginning to

Us to mount our donkeys and
leave for you are beginning to
bore our clearly deranged

Leave for you are beginning to
bore our clearly deranged
minds.

Bore our clearly deranged
minds.
Wrong!

Minds.
Wrong!
Ooh, wrong!

Wrong!
Ooh, wrong!
Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Ooh, wrong!
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Look who happens to be in the

Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Look who happens to be in the
crowd tonight -- the famous and

Look who happens to be in the
crowd tonight -- the famous and
wonderful roy orbison!

Crowd tonight -- the famous and
wonderful roy orbison!
Maybe he'll come up on stage

Wonderful roy orbison!
Maybe he'll come up on stage
if we give him a little

Maybe he'll come up on stage
if we give him a little
encouragement.

If we give him a little
encouragement.
Come on, roy.

Encouragement.
Come on, roy.
Give him a hand.

Come on, roy.
Give him a hand.
It's working.

Give him a hand.
It's working.
It's working.

It's working.
It's working.
It's working!

It's working.
It's working!
Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!

It's working!
Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
Ladies and gentlemen, the

Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
Ladies and gentlemen, the
late, the great --

Ladies and gentlemen, the
late, the great --
roy orbison!

Late, the great --
roy orbison!
No, I'm not roy orbison.

Roy orbison!
No, I'm not roy orbison.
I work at colorization, but I

No, I'm not roy orbison.
I work at colorization, but I
don't agree with it.

I work at colorization, but I
don't agree with it.
I'm not.

Don't agree with it.
I'm not.
[ Ringing ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
[ crying ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
[ crying ]
I won.

[ Crying ]
I won.
I can't believe I won.

I won.
I can't believe I won.
Oh.

I can't believe I won.
Oh.
Who would have thought that me,

Oh.
Who would have thought that me,
an old-fashioned girl from

Who would have thought that me,
an old-fashioned girl from
parry sound, ontario, canada,

An old-fashioned girl from
parry sound, ontario, canada,
would be standing here with this

Parry sound, ontario, canada,
would be standing here with this
crown upon my head?

Would be standing here with this
crown upon my head?
I never thought that I would be

Crown upon my head?
I never thought that I would be
chosen from among the most

I never thought that I would be
chosen from among the most
glamorous women in the nation.

Chosen from among the most
glamorous women in the nation.
[ Crying ]

Glamorous women in the nation.
[ Crying ]
I guess all the low-impact

[ Crying ]
I guess all the low-impact
aerobics really paid off.

I guess all the low-impact
aerobics really paid off.
Not to mention the dieting.

Aerobics really paid off.
Not to mention the dieting.
I find that if I eat fruits and

Not to mention the dieting.
I find that if I eat fruits and
vegetables at appointed

I find that if I eat fruits and
vegetables at appointed
mealtimes, I'm not tempted to

Vegetables at appointed
mealtimes, I'm not tempted to
pick and nibble between meals

Mealtimes, I'm not tempted to
pick and nibble between meals
like I used to.

Pick and nibble between meals
like I used to.
I think a bikini can be a girl's

Like I used to.
I think a bikini can be a girl's
friend.

I think a bikini can be a girl's
friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, there's

Friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, there's
been a mistake.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's
been a mistake.
Apparently the judges forgot to

Been a mistake.
Apparently the judges forgot to
notice something and what they

Apparently the judges forgot to
notice something and what they
failed to notice were her hips.

Notice something and what they
failed to notice were her hips.
[ Laughter ]

Failed to notice were her hips.
[ Laughter ]
your hips are huge!

[ Laughter ]
your hips are huge!
So now let's dethrone our

Your hips are huge!
So now let's dethrone our
short-lived queen and crown the

So now let's dethrone our
short-lived queen and crown the
new miss canadian from brampton,

Short-lived queen and crown the
new miss canadian from brampton,
cathy strupp.

New miss canadian from brampton,
cathy strupp.
Don't take my roses.

Cathy strupp.
Don't take my roses.
Those are my roses.

Don't take my roses.
Those are my roses.
Could I have those roses back?

Those are my roses.
Could I have those roses back?
[ Singing indistinctly ]

Could I have those roses back?
[ Singing indistinctly ]
no.

[ Singing indistinctly ]
no.
I'm not a...pig.

No.
I'm not a...pig.
I'm just built differently.

I'm not a...pig.
I'm just built differently.
I'm not a pig.

I'm just built differently.
I'm not a pig.
[ Snorting ]

I'm not a pig.
[ Snorting ]
[ typewriter printing ]

[ Snorting ]
[ typewriter printing ]
aah!

[ Typewriter printing ]
aah!
Oh!

Aah!
Oh!
Great, you're awake.

Oh!
Great, you're awake.
What happened?

Great, you're awake.
What happened?
Don't you remember?

What happened?
Don't you remember?
You had a fistful of those

Don't you remember?
You had a fistful of those
nut clusters.

You had a fistful of those
nut clusters.
You must have had a sugar rush

Nut clusters.
You must have had a sugar rush
and passed out.

You must have had a sugar rush
and passed out.
I think I remember.

And passed out.
I think I remember.
It was either that or the

I think I remember.
It was either that or the
decaf.

It was either that or the
decaf.
Decaf? Is someone trying to

Decaf.
Decaf? Is someone trying to
k*ll us?!

Decaf? Is someone trying to
k*ll us?!
Don't worry.

k*ll us?!
Don't worry.
It'll never happen again.

Don't worry.
It'll never happen again.
Will it?

It'll never happen again.
Will it?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Will it?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I dreamt I had a pig nose.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I dreamt I had a pig nose.
Oh?

I dreamt I had a pig nose.
Oh?
Isn't that a horribly

Oh?
Isn't that a horribly
ridiculous thing?

Isn't that a horribly
ridiculous thing?
Oh, it's ridiculous.

Ridiculous thing?
Oh, it's ridiculous.
I really need to speak to you

Oh, it's ridiculous.
I really need to speak to you
in my office.

I really need to speak to you
in my office.
Yes, you do.

In my office.
Yes, you do.
[ Giggling ]

Yes, you do.
[ Giggling ]
ah.

[ Giggling ]
ah.
Cath...you don't think I have

Ah.
Cath...you don't think I have
a pig nose, do you?

Cath...you don't think I have
a pig nose, do you?
No. No, I don't.

A pig nose, do you?
No. No, I don't.
No, no, no, no, no.

No. No, I don't.
No, no, no, no, no.
You know what I think, kathie?

No, no, no, no, no.
You know what I think, kathie?
I think that what's happening is

You know what I think, kathie?
I think that what's happening is
that your face is so human that

I think that what's happening is
that your face is so human that
it makes your small nose seem

That your face is so human that
it makes your small nose seem
piggy.

It makes your small nose seem
piggy.
Not even piggy -- pug, pug-like.

Piggy.
Not even piggy -- pug, pug-like.
You have a pretty pug nose.

Not even piggy -- pug, pug-like.
You have a pretty pug nose.
Thanks.

You have a pretty pug nose.
Thanks.
You're welcome.

Thanks.
You're welcome.
Back to work.

You're welcome.
Back to work.
Tginp.

Back to work.
Tginp.
What? What's that?

Tginp.
What? What's that?
Thank god I'm not a pig.

What? What's that?
Thank god I'm not a pig.
Oh.

Wah! Wah!

Wah! Wah!
Ah! Hah!

Wah! Wah!
Ah! Hah!
Cut it out, would you?

Ah! Hah!
Cut it out, would you?
Okay.

Cut it out, would you?
Okay.
Hey, you know that glenda?

Okay.
Hey, you know that glenda?
I think she likes me.

Hey, you know that glenda?
I think she likes me.
What do you think?

I think she likes me.
What do you think?
I don't know.

What do you think?
I don't know.
You don't think she likes me?

I don't know.
You don't think she likes me?
I said I don't know.

You don't think she likes me?
I said I don't know.
Well, I think she likes me.

I said I don't know.
Well, I think she likes me.
Yeah, whatever.

Well, I think she likes me.
Yeah, whatever.
What are you doin'?

Yeah, whatever.
What are you doin'?
Nothin'.

What are you doin'?
Nothin'.
What's that?

Nothin'.
What's that?
What, this? The cigarette?

What's that?
What, this? The cigarette?
Yeah. The cigarette.

What, this? The cigarette?
Yeah. The cigarette.
What about it?

Yeah. The cigarette.
What about it?
You're not allowed to smoke

What about it?
You're not allowed to smoke
in the subway.

You're not allowed to smoke
in the subway.
It's not lit.

In the subway.
It's not lit.
Take it out of your mouth.

It's not lit.
Take it out of your mouth.
Tony, I'm not smoking.

Take it out of your mouth.
Tony, I'm not smoking.
Take it out of your mouth.

Tony, I'm not smoking.
Take it out of your mouth.
I'm not -- forget it.

Take it out of your mouth.
I'm not -- forget it.
No way.

I'm not -- forget it.
No way.
Take it out of your mouth.

No way.
Take it out of your mouth.
Tony, look, forget it.

Take it out of your mouth.
Tony, look, forget it.
What, you're not gonna take

Tony, look, forget it.
What, you're not gonna take
it out of your mouth?

What, you're not gonna take
it out of your mouth?
Tony, look, look --

It out of your mouth?
Tony, look, look --
mmm, mmm, mmm, see, no smoke.

Tony, look, look --
mmm, mmm, mmm, see, no smoke.
It's not lit. All right?

Mmm, mmm, mmm, see, no smoke.
It's not lit. All right?
I'm not smokin'.

It's not lit. All right?
I'm not smokin'.
What'd you do that for?!

I'm not smokin'.
What'd you do that for?!
You're not allowed to smoke

What'd you do that for?!
You're not allowed to smoke
in the subway.

You're not allowed to smoke
in the subway.
Tony, I wasn't, for christ's

In the subway.
Tony, I wasn't, for christ's
sake!

Tony, I wasn't, for christ's
sake!
Go pick it up.

Sake!
Go pick it up.
You threw it out of my mouth,

Go pick it up.
You threw it out of my mouth,
man.

You threw it out of my mouth,
man.
You're not allowed to litter

Man.
You're not allowed to litter
on the subway.

You're not allowed to litter
on the subway.
What's up your ass?

On the subway.
What's up your ass?
What's gotten into you?

What's up your ass?
What's gotten into you?
You're up my ass.

What's gotten into you?
You're up my ass.
You gonna pick it up?

You're up my ass.
You gonna pick it up?
No.

You gonna pick it up?
No.
Are you nuts?

No.
Are you nuts?
You gonna pick it up?

Are you nuts?
You gonna pick it up?
Up yours.

You gonna pick it up?
Up yours.
Look, tony, stop it, okay?

Up yours.
Look, tony, stop it, okay?
Or what?

Look, tony, stop it, okay?
Or what?
Nothin'.

Or what?
Nothin'.
Tony, I'm warning you.

Nothin'.
Tony, I'm warning you.
Or what?

Tony, I'm warning you.
Or what?
Just nothin', okay?

Or what?
Just nothin', okay?
Tony.

Just nothin', okay?
Tony.
Oooh-oo-ooh-hoo.

Tony.
Oooh-oo-ooh-hoo.
Come on, man, you made me.

Oooh-oo-ooh-hoo.
Come on, man, you made me.
Stop it.

Come on, man, you made me.
Stop it.
Come on, man.

Stop it.
Come on, man.
What are you doin' this for?

Come on, man.
What are you doin' this for?
Stop it.

What are you doin' this for?
Stop it.
Tony, stop it.

Stop it.
Tony, stop it.
Come on, man.

Tony, stop it.
Come on, man.
What are you doing this for?

Come on, man.
What are you doing this for?
What is wrong with...

What are you doing this for?
What is wrong with...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What is wrong with...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Tiger, calm down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Tiger, calm down.
I'd never hurt you, you jerk.

Tiger, calm down.
I'd never hurt you, you jerk.
Maybe next time you'll listen to

I'd never hurt you, you jerk.
Maybe next time you'll listen to
me, right?

Maybe next time you'll listen to
me, right?
You're crazy, you know that?

Me, right?
You're crazy, you know that?
Yeah. Go pick it up.

You're crazy, you know that?
Yeah. Go pick it up.
All right, yeah.

Yeah. Go pick it up.
All right, yeah.
Yeah, there.

All right, yeah.
Yeah, there.
I'm pickin' it up.

Yeah, there.
I'm pickin' it up.
Look, you happy now?

I'm pickin' it up.
Look, you happy now?
Delirious. Give it here.

Look, you happy now?
Delirious. Give it here.
Give me the smoke.

Delirious. Give it here.
Give me the smoke.
Just for a second.

Give me the smoke.
Just for a second.
Tony, what are you doing?

Just for a second.
Tony, what are you doing?
Tony -- tony, that's my last

Tony, what are you doing?
Tony -- tony, that's my last
cigarette!

Tony -- tony, that's my last
cigarette!
Don't do that to me, tony.

Cigarette!
Don't do that to me, tony.
Tony, you hypocrite.

Don't do that to me, tony.
Tony, you hypocrite.
I never said I wasn't.

Tony, you hypocrite.
I never said I wasn't.
Give me the cigarette.

I never said I wasn't.
Give me the cigarette.
Come on, tony, don't -- give me

Give me the cigarette.
Come on, tony, don't -- give me
the cigarette, will you?

Come on, tony, don't -- give me
the cigarette, will you?
Give it to me.

...leaving seven sailors

...leaving seven sailors
stranded by the road.

...leaving seven sailors
stranded by the road.
Also in the news tonight, canada

Stranded by the road.
Also in the news tonight, canada
breaks into little, tiny pieces.

Also in the news tonight, canada
breaks into little, tiny pieces.
[ Crying ]

Breaks into little, tiny pieces.
[ Crying ]
[ telephone ringing ]

So, don, this green line

So, don, this green line
represents our product and the

So, don, this green line
represents our product and the
other green lines represent the

Represents our product and the
other green lines represent the
competitor's product.

Other green lines represent the
competitor's product.
So what we've got here

Competitor's product.
So what we've got here
basically is a case of --

So what we've got here
basically is a case of --
uh-oh.

Basically is a case of --
uh-oh.
See, it's kind of hard to read

Uh-oh.
See, it's kind of hard to read
'cause all the lines are green.

See, it's kind of hard to read
'cause all the lines are green.
What I would have done is used

'Cause all the lines are green.
What I would have done is used
some different colors for the

What I would have done is used
some different colors for the
different lines.

Some different colors for the
different lines.
Then it would have been a lot

Different lines.
Then it would have been a lot
easier to read.

Then it would have been a lot
easier to read.
Oh, jeez, you're right.

Easier to read.
Oh, jeez, you're right.
God, jeez, you know, don?

Oh, jeez, you're right.
God, jeez, you know, don?
That's probably why you're in

God, jeez, you know, don?
That's probably why you're in
the big comfy chair, huh?

That's probably why you're in
the big comfy chair, huh?
Well, you work hard, harris,

The big comfy chair, huh?
Well, you work hard, harris,
maybe someday you'll have a

Well, you work hard, harris,
maybe someday you'll have a
chair like this, too.

Maybe someday you'll have a
chair like this, too.
Now, I tell you one thing, when

Chair like this, too.
Now, I tell you one thing, when
these guys from the east come

Now, I tell you one thing, when
these guys from the east come
in, don't even show 'em that

These guys from the east come
in, don't even show 'em that
graph, they won't understand it.

In, don't even show 'em that
graph, they won't understand it.
What you gotta do is just look

Graph, they won't understand it.
What you gotta do is just look
'em straight in the eye, but

What you gotta do is just look
'em straight in the eye, but
not -- well, would you like a

'Em straight in the eye, but
not -- well, would you like a
kleenex?

Not -- well, would you like a
kleenex?
Uh, no.

Kleenex?
Uh, no.
These guys are brass.

Uh, no.
These guys are brass.
They're old brass, but they're

These guys are brass.
They're old brass, but they're
not tarnished.

They're old brass, but they're
not tarnished.
They don't have the thick heads

Not tarnished.
They don't have the thick heads
that --

They don't have the thick heads
that --
don, I hate to interrupt you,

That --
don, I hate to interrupt you,
but, uh, did you have a cucumber

Don, I hate to interrupt you,
but, uh, did you have a cucumber
sandwich for lunch?

But, uh, did you have a cucumber
sandwich for lunch?
No. I had a cucumber salad a

Sandwich for lunch?
No. I had a cucumber salad a
couple of days ago.

No. I had a cucumber salad a
couple of days ago.
I see, okay, I get it.

Couple of days ago.
I see, okay, I get it.
You see, 'cause you got a

I see, okay, I get it.
You see, 'cause you got a
little, tiny piece of food right

You see, 'cause you got a
little, tiny piece of food right
there on your upper lip.

Little, tiny piece of food right
there on your upper lip.
Oh. Okay. These guys are

There on your upper lip.
Oh. Okay. These guys are
brass, man.

Oh. Okay. These guys are
brass, man.
They're all brass, but the thing

Brass, man.
They're all brass, but the thing
that --

They're all brass, but the thing
that --
don, I hate to interrupt you

That --
don, I hate to interrupt you
again, but you missed it.

Don, I hate to interrupt you
again, but you missed it.
What?

Again, but you missed it.
What?
Well, the crumb's still

What?
Well, the crumb's still
there, you see.

Well, the crumb's still
there, you see.
Oh.

There, you see.
Oh.
There we go. There we go.

Oh.
There we go. There we go.
Okay, yeah.

There we go. There we go.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.

Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
No, still there, don.

Yeah.
No, still there, don.
I didn't get it?

No, still there, don.
I didn't get it?
No.

I didn't get it?
No.
Oh, these moustaches, you

No.
Oh, these moustaches, you
know.

Oh, these moustaches, you
know.
The women love 'em.

Know.
The women love 'em.
They go crazy for 'em, but they

The women love 'em.
They go crazy for 'em, but they
collect food like a food place.

They go crazy for 'em, but they
collect food like a food place.
There we go.

Collect food like a food place.
There we go.
It's still there.

There we go.
It's still there.
I didn't get it.

It's still there.
I didn't get it.
Jesus!

I didn't get it.
Jesus!
Yeah. Yeah.

Jesus!
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, there we go, there

Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, there we go, there
we go.

Okay, there we go, there
we go.
Yeah, 'fraid not.

We go.
Yeah, 'fraid not.
Yeah.

Yeah, 'fraid not.
Yeah.
These guys from the east, you

Yeah.
These guys from the east, you
know...

These guys from the east, you
know...
Ahh!

Know...
Ahh!
Nope.

Ahh!
Nope.
There it is.

Nope.
There it is.
Right down there, right down

There it is.
Right down there, right down
there.

Right down there, right down
there.
You got 'er, you got 'er,

There.
You got 'er, you got 'er,
you got 'er?

You got 'er, you got 'er,
you got 'er?
Oh, yeah.

You got 'er?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got that --

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got that --
still there.

Yeah, I got that --
still there.
Aaah.

Still there.
Aaah.
How's that?

Aaah.
How's that?
Jeez, don, you know, you

How's that?
Jeez, don, you know, you
almost got it, then you missed

Jeez, don, you know, you
almost got it, then you missed
it completely.

Almost got it, then you missed
it completely.
You got it, don?

It completely.
You got it, don?
There she is!

You got it, don?
There she is!
There she is!

There she is!
There she is!
There she is!

There she is!
There she is!
I got her!

There she is!
I got her!
Bingo!

I got her!
Bingo!
Jeez, don, no, not quite.

Bingo!
Jeez, don, no, not quite.
Yeah, it's still there.

Jeez, don, no, not quite.
Yeah, it's still there.
Aaaaaah!

Yeah, it's still there.
Aaaaaah!
Don. Don, don, don!

Aaaaaah!
Don. Don, don, don!
It's above your waist.

Don. Don, don, don!
It's above your waist.
What?!

It's above your waist.
What?!
It's above your waist.

What?!
It's above your waist.
It's just a little, tiny piece

It's above your waist.
It's just a little, tiny piece
of food right there on your

It's just a little, tiny piece
of food right there on your
upper lip.

Of food right there on your
upper lip.
Where?

Upper lip.
Where?
It's right here, don.

Where?
It's right here, don.
Let me show you.

It's right here, don.
Let me show you.
Right, uh, here.

Let me show you.
Right, uh, here.
On your upper lip.

Right, uh, here.
On your upper lip.
Yeah. There we go.

On your upper lip.
Yeah. There we go.
Don. Don. Yeah. No. No.

Yeah. There we go.
Don. Don. Yeah. No. No.
Did I get it?

Don. Don. Yeah. No. No.
Did I get it?
No, don, think of me as a

Did I get it?
No, don, think of me as a
mirror, okay?

No, don, think of me as a
mirror, okay?
Right here, above the lip.

Mirror, okay?
Right here, above the lip.
Lower, lower.

Right here, above the lip.
Lower, lower.
No, no, don.

Lower, lower.
No, no, don.
No, no, don, on the face.

No, no, don.
No, no, don, on the face.
Got it!

No, no, don, on the face.
Got it!
That's not it.

Got it!
That's not it.
Well, what's that, then?!

That's not it.
Well, what's that, then?!
That's something else.

Well, what's that, then?!
That's something else.
Aaaaah!

That's something else.
Aaaaah!
Don, you're thinking about it

Aaaaah!
Don, you're thinking about it
too much, okay?

Don, you're thinking about it
too much, okay?
Let's relax.

Too much, okay?
Let's relax.
Let's start fresh from the

Let's relax.
Let's start fresh from the
beginning as if this never

Let's start fresh from the
beginning as if this never
happened.

Beginning as if this never
happened.
So, what I'm talking about with

Happened.
So, what I'm talking about with
these green lines is our product

So, what I'm talking about with
these green lines is our product
and --

These green lines is our product
and --
I didn't get it.

And --
I didn't get it.
Don, I really want you to

I didn't get it.
Don, I really want you to
get this.

Don, I really want you to
get this.
Me too.

Get this.
Me too.
Not even close.

Me too.
Not even close.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Not even close.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Go for it, don!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Go for it, don!
[ Water running ]

Go for it, don!
[ Water running ]
I got it, right?

[ Water running ]
I got it, right?
You got it, don.

I got it, right?
You got it, don.
Yeah, that's what I thought.

You got it, don.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
So when these guys get in here,

Yeah, that's what I thought.
So when these guys get in here,
the first thing you gotta know

So when these guys get in here,
the first thing you gotta know
is --

The first thing you gotta know
is --
don, you got a little stain

Is --
don, you got a little stain
on your shirt there.

Don, you got a little stain
on your shirt there.
Where?

On your shirt there.
Where?
I don't see a stain.

[ Ringing ]

[ Ringing ]
[ rock music playing ]

[ Ringing ]
[ rock music playing ]
[ ringing continues ]

[ Rock music playing ]
[ ringing continues ]
there it is again -- the same

[ Ringing continues ]
there it is again -- the same
shot.

There it is again -- the same
shot.
A beautiful woman waiting for a

Shot.
A beautiful woman waiting for a
geeky band at the end of the

A beautiful woman waiting for a
geeky band at the end of the
show.

Geeky band at the end of the
show.
Why don't they show the reality?

Show.
Why don't they show the reality?
Why don't they show a big fat

Why don't they show the reality?
Why don't they show a big fat
roadie with a gut and a t-shirt

Why don't they show a big fat
roadie with a gut and a t-shirt
that's really small moving an

Roadie with a gut and a t-shirt
that's really small moving an
amp?

That's really small moving an
amp?
And the thing that bugs me is

Amp?
And the thing that bugs me is
that these record companies keep

And the thing that bugs me is
that these record companies keep
pumping these --

That these record companies keep
pumping these --
aren't you going to answer

Pumping these --
aren't you going to answer
your phone?

Aren't you going to answer
your phone?
No, I'm not expecting a

Your phone?
No, I'm not expecting a
phone call.

No, I'm not expecting a
phone call.
These record companies keep

Phone call.
These record companies keep
making these --

These record companies keep
making these --
that's the way a phone works.

Making these --
that's the way a phone works.
People don't book a call.

That's the way a phone works.
People don't book a call.
They just call and you answer.

People don't book a call.
They just call and you answer.
So would you just answer the

They just call and you answer.
So would you just answer the
phone?

So would you just answer the
phone?
Why don't you answer the

Phone?
Why don't you answer the
phone?

Why don't you answer the
phone?
I'm not gonna answer another

Phone?
I'm not gonna answer another
man's phone.

I'm not gonna answer another
man's phone.
That would be like sleeping with

Man's phone.
That would be like sleeping with
another man's woman.

That would be like sleeping with
another man's woman.
I mean, that phone call, no

Another man's woman.
I mean, that phone call, no
matter how attractive, is not

I mean, that phone call, no
matter how attractive, is not
for me.

Matter how attractive, is not
for me.
You answer it.

For me.
You answer it.
Rings.

You answer it.
Rings.
Somebody must want to talk to

Rings.
Somebody must want to talk to
you pretty bad.

Somebody must want to talk to
you pretty bad.
I never let a phone ring

You pretty bad.
I never let a phone ring
times.

I never let a phone ring
times.
No, me either.

Times.
No, me either.
Guys, it's : in the

No, me either.
Guys, it's : in the
afternoon.

Guys, it's : in the
afternoon.
No one ever calls me at : in

Afternoon.
No one ever calls me at : in
the afternoon.

No one ever calls me at : in
the afternoon.
Until now.

The afternoon.
Until now.
Maybe it's an emergency.

Until now.
Maybe it's an emergency.
Yeah, ever think of that?

Maybe it's an emergency.
Yeah, ever think of that?
Oh, come on, don't start

Yeah, ever think of that?
Oh, come on, don't start
that.

Oh, come on, don't start
that.
It's probably just a wrong

That.
It's probably just a wrong
number, guys.

It's probably just a wrong
number, guys.
Maybe it's a very wrong

Number, guys.
Maybe it's a very wrong
number.

Maybe it's a very wrong
number.
Rings.

Number.
Rings.
What kind of freak is sitting

Rings.
What kind of freak is sitting
there by that phone?

What kind of freak is sitting
there by that phone?
Or maybe it's a group of

There by that phone?
Or maybe it's a group of
crazies huddled around a

Or maybe it's a group of
crazies huddled around a
speakerphone.

Crazies huddled around a
speakerphone.
[ Ringing continues ]

Speakerphone.
[ Ringing continues ]
answer the phone.

[ Ringing continues ]
answer the phone.
Come on, answer the phone.

Answer the phone.
Come on, answer the phone.
Answer the phone.

Come on, answer the phone.
Answer the phone.
Guys, all right!

Answer the phone.
Guys, all right!
It's just a phone call.

Guys, all right!
It's just a phone call.
Wait! Listen!

It's just a phone call.
Wait! Listen!
There's something wrong with

Wait! Listen!
There's something wrong with
that ring.

There's something wrong with
that ring.
Yeah, there's something clingy

That ring.
Yeah, there's something clingy
and desperate about that ring.

Yeah, there's something clingy
and desperate about that ring.
Like I bet it's probably some

And desperate about that ring.
Like I bet it's probably some
shut-in with the phone strapped

Like I bet it's probably some
shut-in with the phone strapped
to his head for an emergency.

Shut-in with the phone strapped
to his head for an emergency.
And for some reason, he dialed

To his head for an emergency.
And for some reason, he dialed
your number with his toes.

And for some reason, he dialed
your number with his toes.
Yeah.

Your number with his toes.
Yeah.
Oh, god, yeah.

Yeah.
Oh, god, yeah.
Why would he dial my number?

Oh, god, yeah.
Why would he dial my number?
I don't know.

Why would he dial my number?
I don't know.
Rings.

I don't know.
Rings.
What kind of freak is sitting

Rings.
What kind of freak is sitting
there by that phone?

What kind of freak is sitting
there by that phone?
The sound reverberating in his

There by that phone?
The sound reverberating in his
head.

The sound reverberating in his
head.
Standing shoeless in the

Head.
Standing shoeless in the
rain.

Standing shoeless in the
rain.
Waiting!

Rain.
Waiting!
Come on, guys.

Waiting!
Come on, guys.
It's not raining.

Come on, guys.
It's not raining.
It might be wherever he's

It's not raining.
It might be wherever he's
calling from.

It might be wherever he's
calling from.
Or they.

Calling from.
Or they.
Or it.

Or they.
Or it.
Okay. I'll just answer it.

Or it.
Okay. I'll just answer it.
[ Knock on door ]

Okay. I'll just answer it.
[ Knock on door ]
[ all scream ]

[ Knock on door ]
[ all scream ]
rings, knocks, what

[ All scream ]
rings, knocks, what
kind of bizarre scum sucker...

Rings, knocks, what
kind of bizarre scum sucker...
Guys, I'm just gonna answer

Kind of bizarre scum sucker...
Guys, I'm just gonna answer
the door, all right?

Guys, I'm just gonna answer
the door, all right?
Sure, it's just a door.

The door, all right?
Sure, it's just a door.
It's just a door.

Sure, it's just a door.
It's just a door.
[ All scream ]

It's just a door.
[ All scream ]
relax, I'm your neighbor.

[ All scream ]
relax, I'm your neighbor.
Why won't you guys answer your

Relax, I'm your neighbor.
Why won't you guys answer your
phone?

Why won't you guys answer your
phone?
It's driving me nuts.

Phone?
It's driving me nuts.
We think it might be a

It's driving me nuts.
We think it might be a
madman.

We think it might be a
madman.
From a place with a rainy

Madman.
From a place with a rainy
climate.

From a place with a rainy
climate.
Wait, I've heard that ring

Climate.
Wait, I've heard that ring
before...in vietnam!

Wait, I've heard that ring
before...in vietnam!
[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Before...in vietnam!
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
[ telephone ringing ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]
[ telephone ringing ]
I can't.

[ Telephone ringing ]
I can't.
I can't, can't, can't.

I can't.
I can't, can't, can't.
Stop! Stop!

I can't, can't, can't.
Stop! Stop!
[ Screams ]

Stop! Stop!
[ Screams ]
I couldn't answer it then, but

[ Screams ]
I couldn't answer it then, but
maybe I can answer it now.

I couldn't answer it then, but
maybe I can answer it now.
You can do it.

Maybe I can answer it now.
You can do it.
Come on, man.

You can do it.
Come on, man.
Answer the phone.

Come on, man.
Answer the phone.
Come on.

Answer the phone.
Come on.
No!

Come on.
No!
Look. The fish won't go near it.

No!
Look. The fish won't go near it.
They know something's wrong with

Look. The fish won't go near it.
They know something's wrong with
that phone call.

They know something's wrong with
that phone call.
Answer the phone, prick.

That phone call.
Answer the phone, prick.
Answer the phone.

Answer the phone, prick.
Answer the phone.
My sister and I are telephone

Answer the phone.
My sister and I are telephone
solicitors.

My sister and I are telephone
solicitors.
And not two clearly insane

Solicitors.
And not two clearly insane
people.

And not two clearly insane
people.
We can see your subscription

People.
We can see your subscription
to "floor covering weekly" has

We can see your subscription
to "floor covering weekly" has
expired.

To "floor covering weekly" has
expired.
And you will expire, too.

Expired.
And you will expire, too.
Hey, viewers, did you know

And you will expire, too.
Hey, viewers, did you know
that you've been watching the

Hey, viewers, did you know
that you've been watching the
phone show?

That you've been watching the
phone show?
That's right, a "kids in the

Phone show?
That's right, a "kids in the
hall" theme show based loosely

That's right, a "kids in the
hall" theme show based loosely
around the telephone.

Hall" theme show based loosely
around the telephone.
So what did you think?

Well, if you did think

Well, if you did think
something, give us a call at the

Well, if you did think
something, give us a call at the
number below.

Something, give us a call at the
number below.
Because as incentive, one of the

Number below.
Because as incentive, one of the
callers will be selected to win

Because as incentive, one of the
callers will be selected to win
at random the touch paul bellini

Callers will be selected to win
at random the touch paul bellini
contest.

At random the touch paul bellini
contest.
That's right, we'll deliver our

Contest.
That's right, we'll deliver our
guy to your home or place of

That's right, we'll deliver our
guy to your home or place of
work so that you can touch

Guy to your home or place of
work so that you can touch
bellini.

Work so that you can touch
bellini.
Whether you hug him, pinch him,

Bellini.
Whether you hug him, pinch him,
or just stand a few feet back

Whether you hug him, pinch him,
or just stand a few feet back
and poke at him with a stick,

Or just stand a few feet back
and poke at him with a stick,
you'll be spending quality time

And poke at him with a stick,
you'll be spending quality time
with an interesting physical

You'll be spending quality time
with an interesting physical
specimen.

With an interesting physical
specimen.
So call us now, 'cause we do

Specimen.
So call us now, 'cause we do
have operators standing by.

So call us now, 'cause we do
have operators standing by.
Call now, call often.

Have operators standing by.
Call now, call often.
Unless of course this is a

Call now, call often.
Unless of course this is a
rerun.

Unless of course this is a
rerun.
In which case I wonder if I'm

Rerun.
In which case I wonder if I'm
dead.

In which case I wonder if I'm
dead.
Attention, citizens, phone

Dead.
Attention, citizens, phone
this number right now.

Attention, citizens, phone
this number right now.
If you are one of the first

This number right now.
If you are one of the first
callers, your name could be

If you are one of the first
callers, your name could be
drawn and you could be the lucky

Callers, your name could be
drawn and you could be the lucky
winner.

Drawn and you could be the lucky
winner.
Paul bellini will then fly to

Winner.
Paul bellini will then fly to
your hometown where you will be

Paul bellini will then fly to
your hometown where you will be
videotaped touching

Your hometown where you will be
videotaped touching
paul bellini.

Videotaped touching
paul bellini.
So phone right now and see

Paul bellini.
So phone right now and see
yourself on an upcoming episode

So phone right now and see
yourself on an upcoming episode
of the "kids in the hall" show

Yourself on an upcoming episode
of the "kids in the hall" show
touching bellini.