Mates (2023)

[bunniefuu]

Connor!

You been here long mate?

Not at all.

I'm so sorry man.

Mate, if I'm late again just go on

without me, you don't have to wait for me.

No really, it's not a problem.

Right, shall we go then?

So what are you up to this weekend?

Er, nothing much, just

this and that you know.

Maybe go see a movie if I feel like it.

Yeah, you go by

yourself sometimes don't you?

Most of the time actually.

I kinda prefer it that way to be honest.

I don't have to worry if the

other person likes it or not that way.

Right, yeah.

Hey man, do you ever go hiking?

Er, yeah, I like

going for walks around the park.

It's how I do a lot of my thinking.

Yeah, cool.

But I mean like

proper long distance hikes.

You mean like where you stay overnight

and carry your stuff and all that?

Yeah.

No, no I don't tend to do

so well carrying stuff on my back.

I get like headaches and stuff,

I think it's the pull on my shoulders.

Okay.

Why, how about you?

Yeah man.

I love it.

I'm actually planning one soon.

Really?

That sounds exciting.

Yeah, should be good.

So how heavy are

those bags on your shoulders?

They're not too bad actually.

I mean you get a little waist

strap so it kinda takes the pressure off.

I've never really

had any problems with it.

Right.

I should probably give it a go

sometime, maybe it's not as bad as I think.

Yeah, you should.

Right.

So whereabouts are you going?

No mate, so you just defrost the

blueberries and they go in the yoghurt.

Okay.

Yeah, it's just cheaper isn't it?

Are you sure you're going to

be all right with this bag, mate?

I mean compared to mine

it's like really really light.

Yeah, like, I... I'm not bringing

any cooking stuff or gas or anything.

I'm fine with bars and that, you know.

Okay mate, well, feel

free to use any of my stuff.

I've got plenty of gas.

Yeah, well then that's okay.

I mean, I don't really eat breakfast.

Er, sorry.

Yeah, that's Mark.

Did I not mention him?

Sorry man, I should have said something.

All right, big boy!

Mark, Connor. Connor, Mark.

All right?

All right?

Mate, where's your aux cable?

It's busted.

What?

How are we going to listen to music?

There's a wallet in the glove box.

CDs?

Fantastic.

Oi! Eyes on the road, big boy.

Freaking hell.

Hey! Keep your arm still.

Mate, I'm literally driving.

It's your arm, mate.

Right.

Now that is perfect.

Really?

What?

I think it suits you.

All right, your go then.

Right.

I either have to...

...wear my underwear

on the outside of my jeans...

...or...

...pick someone else's nose.

Yeah, I think underwear it is, mate.

Ooh, how convenient.

All right, show time son.

This is so stupid.

Oi oi!

This is SO stupid.

This is so stupid.

This is - this is juvenile.

Whose stupid idea was this?

I think it suits you, mate.

Yeah? I guess it does make me look

a bit like Superman, doesn't it?

Right.

Next up, you can either...

...wear a sock on your hand.

Er, I'm not playing.

Come on, mate, don't be a p*ssy.

We've both had our goes.

Sorry, I... never said I was playing.

Right.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Your bag, good sir.

Thanks.

Did you not bring a -

I look absolutely ridiculous.

Looking good boy.

I'm not - I'm not going like this tonight.

Come on.

Don't "come on" me, mate.

I look absolutely stupid.

Right, bring the poles.

Yep.

How about we say it

ends when we get to the pub?

Well, this isn't

coming off any time soon, is it?

You're probably thinking

what on earth have you got yourself into?

No, no.

Mate, are your levels

all right? Do you need any...

What if

What if you draw on my arm as well?

He can do it and all.

Make up for earlier.

Do it on both of ours.

Connor?

Er...

I'm not doing it.

He's all right, mate.

What do you think?

It's either this or nothing, mate.

Do you like the crunchy one though?

No! No!

What about like

Reese's peanut butter cups?

No! No, definitely

obviously if I don't like peanut butter.

Right, what are we having, gents?

Er... don't know, mate,

whatever they've got on tap.

Er, I don't drink.

Of course you don't.

Do you want a Coke or something?

Just a water maybe, thanks.

Right.

You know what that means though?

We have a designated driver.

All right, let's have a look at this.

Do you fancy a starter?

Um...

Oi, oi...

She's all right, isn't she?

You see that?

She's exactly your type and all.

Mate, she's... she's unreal.

A bit of you, isn't she?

- Stop it!

- Well go on then.

What?

You're going over, right?

Nah.

Mate.

Come on.

You've not had sex in a year, Nathan.

Why are you so

fussed about going over anyway?

You've already got

What's-her-name on your case.

So?

Look, I'm going over.

Feel free to stay here

with your brand new boyfriend.

You coming?

Er... No, no thanks, I'm okay.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah, I...

I think I'm just a bit tired.

Okay, man.

This is going to be really bad, isn't it?

All right, won't be long.

No problem.

Ladies, hello.

Hi.

Now, I didn't want to interrupt,

but I noticed you

admiring my friend over here.

I wasn't.

And I just thought I'd do

us all a favour and introduce you.

This is Nathan.

Sorry about him.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Mel.

Nathan.

Umm...

which you already know.

Hi.

Sam, very formal,

is this your regular move?

No, my mum just raised me right.

What can I say?

Mind if we join you ladies?

Why not?

Please do. Of course.

Right, now I am sorry about him.

He's not this shy normally.

As soon as you saw your friend over here

was checking him out,

he basically became a

teenager again, didn't you?

Yeah, cheers for that mate.

Anyway, I am Mark.

Nice to meet you.

Hi,

I'm Adam.

Connor.

Nice to meet you, Connor.

Okay, um...

To be honest, I've been

kind of watching you all afternoon.

And so when the

others left, I just, you know,

thought now is my

chance to come say hello

and introduce myself.

Sorry, that probably

sounded a bit creepy, didn't it?

I just heard that.

This is not going very well, is it?

I'm going to leave you in peace.

Sorry for creeping you out.

No, no, no, sorry.

It's okay, don't worry.

Sorry, I missed it, what did

you say your name was again?

Adam.

Nice to meet you, Adam.

Pleasure is all mine.

So those girls?

Not your cup of tea then?

Or are you already spoken for?

No, no, no, they

er... they seem really nice.

I just...

Maybe I'm just a bit tired tonight.

I see.

Yeah, I probably should get back.

- No, sorry, I... I didn't mean...

- No, it's okay, I really do need to get back.

Just wanted to come say hello.

Well, it was er... it

was lovely to meet you.

And you.

See you tomorrow.

Everything all right, mate?

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, what would you think

about going back to the girls' place?

It should be fun.

Er... I'm not sure.

I'm not sure, I'm a bit tired.

Yeah?

I mean, I can always just

drop you back to the camp then.

I think so. I think I'd best...

...sleep.

All right, man. No worries.

Yeah, I'll go finish up. I'll grab you.

Mate.

So I got one at about ten,

another one at about half past,

and a whole bunch more at around twelve.

You could always

just say your phone was off.

Yeah, I can't be arsed for making excuses.

Do you know what I mean?

You're a noble man, Marcus.

It's not that.

She seems to think because I've

shagged her a couple of times that we're

like a couple or something.

Yeah, I wonder what

gave her that impression.

Good morning.

Morning.

Do you want a coffee?

Er... no, I'm going to go.

All right, mate.

You reckon I can pull this off?

Yeah, it looks good.

You don't think my

shoulders are a bit too narrow?

No.

Everything all right, mate?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah?

Okay, man.

Do you want to use any

of this stuff before I pack it away?

Er...

No, thanks. I've got my bars.

You sure?

Yeah, thanks.

What are you doing?

Why don't you make a start on

the mattresses? I'll finish up here.

Maybe you can give me some advice?

Yeah, yeah of course.

How do you know if someone fancies you?

I mean,

how do you know when you can make a move

without making a

complete and utter wally of yourself?

Are we talking

about someone in particular?

Yeah.

Well, has she given you

any signs that she likes you?

Well, that's just it.

There maybe are a few little things,

Like I've caught them...

I've caught them looking at me

a few times and stuff like that.

Usually a pretty good sign.

It's just that I get the idea that

this person may not be quite ready yet.

Right.

What do you mean?

Um...

Well, I suppose I keep

trying to put out signals and stuff.

But they don't seem to pick up on it.

Or at least, maybe

they're not romantically interested.

Right.

How well do you know her?

Not very well to be

honest. We've only met quite recently.

Well, maybe just give it some

time. Get to know her a little bit.

It's just one of those situations, you

know, where it feels like the opportunity

will slip away unless I

do something fairly quickly.

Right.

But if it slips away

because she's not ready, then

maybe it wasn't really an

opportunity in the first place.

That's very true.

One thing I would say though,

it sounds to me like you're trying to decide

for her as to whether she's ready or not.

And that's really

for her to decide, isn't it?

I hadn't really

thought about it like that.

You are one wise man,

you know that?

Not just a pretty face.

So I was thinking...

Okay Con?

Yeah.

All right, mate.

You ready, man?

Yeah, coming.

Thank you.

Any time.

All right.

How was your breakfast?

Yeah, good.

I've never been here before.

Right, odds on you get in.

- Odds on?

- Yeah.

I don't need an odds on, mate.

Come on, Nips.

Get off.

Last one in gets the beers, yeah?

Yeah, all right.

You getting in, mate?

No thanks, I'm fine.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah I'm sure.

All right, man.

You coming then?

Nice and warm?

Mate.

British summer but...

What is that now, like eleven?

I've lost count mate.

I'm just trying to ignore it.

Thing is, I never even

told her we were exclusive.

So I don't know...

Hello.

Hey.

Hey.

All right?

All right.

You were just opposite

us at the campsite, weren't you?

Yeah, that's right.

Adam.

Nathan, nice to meet you man.

Mark.

All right, Mark.

So that's your dad that's with you?

Yeah, that's right.

Nothing like a little father-son bonding.

So are you also doing the walk?

Yeah, that's right.

Cool man, how many days?

Guys!

Please.

I'm trying to sleep.

So mate,

to what do we

owe the pleasure?

Um, well, I just saw Connor sitting

here while you two were having a little nap

and I thought maybe, you know,

you wanted to go for a walk or something?

Yeah, all right.

Okay cool.

I won't be long.

See you in a bit mate.

Take as long as you want, mate.

So you like romcoms?

Yeah, I mean it's not like

it's the only thing I watch or anything.

My sister used to watch them all

the time so I kind of got used to it.

I like things like action and

thriller and... well, anything really.

Okay, so only a respectably mild fan then.

How about you?

Well to be honest,

I love them.

Over Christmas I'm like...

That's literally the only thing I do.

Apart from, you know, eating, sleeping,

maybe the occasional shower.

How about a game of Pooh-sticks?

Pooh-sticks?

Er...

Yeah, of course.

Looks about right.

Ready?

All right.

One, two, three.

Okay! One - nil!

How about best out of five?

Okay, sure.

Or...

How about we make

things a bit more interesting?

Let's say each time the

loser has to drop a piece of clothing.

Er...

Okay.

We don't have to.

No, no it's okay, let's do it.

Okay, great.

Er...

So...

So I suppose I'd better...

I haven't thought

this through properly, have I?

Come on, what are you doing?

Not running scared, are you?

This is my lucky one.

I can feel it.

Do you?

Yeah, I do actually.

All right, come on.

Three, two, one.

Yes!

All right.

Well...

This is it.

Do you like them?

Yeah, they're... very nice.

How about a dip?

Come on!

Once you're in it's fine!

You've er...

Probably noticed this.

I'm diabetic.

All right.

Can it get wet?

Yeah, yeah, anything, it's not a problem.

Then what are you just standing there for?

You bastard!

You're going to pay for that!

Wait, say that again.

Yeah, it goes like...

Dance, dance, dance, you're on display.

Umm... It's not ringing any bells.

Come on, you must have heard it.

No, can't say I have.

Sing it to me.

No, I'm not going to sing.

Come on, sing it to me.

No.

Please.

Okay.

Dance, dance, dance, you're on display.

Okay, please continue.

No, that is it.

Come on, you're not

going to stop there, are you?

Well, it was utterly enchanting.

Thanks.

We should probably get back.

Yeah.

Mind doing my back?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

Do you want me to do yours?

Er, yeah, thanks.

You ever been to Greece?

Yeah, actually.

Once, about six years ago.

Thanks.

Why do you ask?

Just always wanted to go, you know.

Love the idea of just

sitting on a beach all day,

people bringing you food and champagne.

Yeah, sounds great.

I mean, if you're

up for it, it could be fun.

Yeah, I'm sure it would be.

You are just adorable, you know that?

I mean, I saw her in

Morrison's the other day.

Um...

Didn't like speak to her or anything.

She was paying, I

don't think she saw me.

It's rough, mate.

It's all right.

Finally.

Hey.

You guys took your time.

We just went for a

paddle, a bit further up.

Him?

You got him in the water?

Yeah.

It was really nice.

Whereabouts did you boys go?

Er... we went up to the bridge,

the one there at, um, Alfriston.

- That far?

- Yeah.

Alfriston is meant

to be quite nice, isn't it?

Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

Sweet.

All right, I don't know

about you boys, but I fancy a beer.

Beer?

Absolutely.

See you.

See you.

Come on, Adam, put

the phone down, will you?

And maybe make a start on the food.

I don't want to have to

do everything by myself.

Okay Dad, I get it.

Here.

Let's see if you can

make a start on the tea, yeah?

That's sharp!

Give it to me, I'll do it.

Okay, so bear in mind,

he's already pretty pissed, yeah?

And he's had six of these big coffees,

but he wasn't much of

a coffee drinker back then,

so he doesn't know that it's a laxative.

And he goes, "All

right, g*ng, if you'll excuse me,

"I'm just gonna go for a wee."

So he goes off to the bushes.

Pushes a bit too

hard, and fully shits himself

standing up in front of all of us.

Every time you

tell it, you tell it wrong,

because you

conveniently leave out the part

where you're throwing up

down Sarah Mitchell's throat.

And that was the night that

Mikey got his arse kicked by that girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

that was it, that was it.

That was a messy night, wasn't it?

This looks cosy.

All right, mate?

Mind if I join you?

Mate, please do.

Nate, grab the man a beer.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Cheers, mate. Legend.

Don't worry, our

boy here, he doesn't drink.

So, are you two like a couple then?

Umm, well...

I suppose not yet,

officially.

But I would like to be.

If you do.

Connor, that is quite

the proposal, don't you think?

Um...

Sorry, excuse me.

Sorry, I'd better...

Okay, cheers for the beer, lad.

No worries, mate.

Push, push, push, push,

push, push, push, push, push!

Come on!

Two.

Lower, mate. Lower, lower, lower.

My head's touching the ground!

Push! Push!

Good lad! Push, push, push!

That's me, that's me.

- Cheers man.

- My guy.

So how much do you bench now?

Er... one ten.

One twenty on a good day.

Not bad.

Hey!

Morning, big man.

Morning, mate.

Did you sleep well?

Yeah thanks, you?

Yeah, thanks.

Can I make you a coffee, man?

Er...

No thanks. I'll have a

protein shake if there's any going.

- Yeah.

- Just going to shower first.

All right, sweet, man.

Cool.

Nate, look.

Ooh.

Good luck mate!

Wonder what's happening there?

I guess we'll be able to tell by

how they walk when they come back, right?

They were gone for a long time yesterday.

Yeah.

Morning.

Morning.

Let's chat later, yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you also staying at Pyecombe tonight?

Blue Cow Farm?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Cool.

Let's chat this evening then.

Okay cool.

Enjoy the walk today.

Yeah thanks, you too.

All right, lover boy.

Did you two kiss and make up?

We hardly spoke.

Just a quick hello, you know?

He seems like a good lad.

Yeah, he's a nice guy.

Yeah, he's a really nice guy

who is desperate to get in your pants.

Hey, he has to

join the queue, all right?

Behind a long line of girls.

And who can blame him?

Too right, mate.

There you go, mate.

We've got some

leftover bacon as well if you fancy?

Er...

No thanks, I've got my bars.

But if I'd known these straps were so good,

could easily have packed another twenty pound.

What's with the voice, mate?

Er...

I... er...

I don't know.

Is this you embracing your inner alpha?

Just makes you seem a

bit like a teenager, that's all.

Right, I'm gonna do this quickly.

Um...

Have you got

anything you want me to wash up?

Um...

No, no thanks.

You done with that?

Not quite, mate.

Your nipples are looking good.

Yep, another nipple joke, love that.

Original.

Hey Adam.

Hey.

Just a t-shirt, mate?

Aren't you a bit nippy?

I'm all right, I've got

that Scottish blood in me, mate.

Then I thought you'd

be wearing shorts as well.

Nah, I don't want to get the

old ladies too excited now, do I?

Why not?

Well I just... I thought I'd spare

everyone the sight of my chicken legs.

I wouldn't complain.

Thanks man.

More of that stuff.

Having fun there?

Yeah, got a bit of thing for bubbles.

We all like to get wet.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm like

a giant, like interrupting someone's bath.

No, leave us alone!

- Okay.

- Yeah.

So what's all this about?

That, just Mark being a d*ck.

Probably makes me look like a total wimp.

No, no, not at all!

I think you totally pull it off.

Cheers.

It's a little bit sexy actually.

And it draws attention to these bad boys.

Oi...

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

You know, sorry, it was just a joke.

No...

No yeah, I'd... Sorry, I

didn't think you were trying to like...

Sorry mate, come here.

All right.

Er... well, I probably should, um...

Yeah, it was nice chatting to you.

Yeah, you too, man.

Connor has good taste.

Thanks.

Dad, I forgot to say, I had a call,

and there may have been a

mix-up with our booking tonight.

What, really?

When did that happen?

Er... while I was doing the washing up.

Right.

I've had a quick look.

Looks like there's another campsite,

only about a mile further, in Pyecombe.

Where's my map?

It's probably in your

rucksack, but I've checked on my phone.

Here.

Take a look at this.

You see the contour lines? Here and here.

When they're close together like that, it

means it's going to be a much steeper hill.

Dad, I know.

I'm not an idiot.

No, right, I - I -

I'm just saying, that's all. And...

it just means that we'll have a

much steeper climb down tonight,

and a really steep

climb back out in the morning.

What do you want me to do?

Well, nothing.

I'm just saying, that's all.

So you're happy with that, then?

I mean, do they even

have space for us at this campsite?

I'll give them a ring.

Right.

I'll try again later.

Fine.

Mind if we take a little break?

I want to try the campsite again.

So is this all about the boy?

No, why?

Come on, Adam.

So do we have our original booking?

Why do you have to

make everything so complicated?

I just wanted us to have a good time.

I haven't seen you in months.

Tell me, how am I supposed to react

when you just keep lying to me like this?

You would have said no.

So now you know how I think, do you?

So okay if we change it, then?

You know, you need to be careful.

You can't just go after any guy you fancy.

Some guys are going to take offence.

You mean you would have taken offence?

That's not what I meant and you know it.

I'm your father.

I just want you to be careful.

I can look after myself, Dad.

So who is this boy then?

Dad.

His name's Connor.

And?

And?

What does he do?

Where does he come from?

He's from London.

And he does something

in the financial industry.

It can be really difficult to make

long distance relationships work, you know?

Dad!

I'm just saying.

Well...

I was thinking...

maybe I'll move to London.

What?

Just for this boy?

No, not just for him.

There's a lot more going on up there.

But I think he might be the one.

Come on Adam.

How long have you known him?

What?

A day?

What do you want me to do?

Do you know how difficult

it is to find someone in Exeter?

Yeah.

I suppose I should take

it as a compliment really, but...

I don't know, I guess I'm...

kind of worried I sort

of give off that impression.

I don't think you do, mate.

I think you're the last

guy that needs to worry about that.

He was probably just trying his luck.

I mean, he was trying

it on with me earlier as well.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

When?

Er... when we were washing up.

He was like, telling me I'm

sexy and touching my arms and stuff.

No, no, really?

Yeah.

What did you do?

Nothing, I...

gave him a little cuddle.

Okay.

I see what's

happening here. Is this you...

Is this you coming out?

Shut up.

Mate, why did

you give him a cuddle?

I don't know.

He just...

he seemed like he needed it.

It seemed like he needed it.

Brilliant! I'm sure

tonight he'll need a shag.

Right, if that happens,

I'll send him to you, mate.

You're the expert.

Yeah, birds mate.

Not the sort you're after.

Aw...

- Right.

- Right, go on then.

You ready?

Born ready, mate.

I don't think you're ready.

You don't think I'm ready for this jelly?

Not quite.

Unlucky.

One more go, one more go.

One more go.

Why do you get one more?

It's my blister.

I dropped the first one.

Yes!

Take that in your pipe

and smoke it, my friend.

Well, don't celebrate yet, mate.

Connor still got a go.

Of course, Connor.

Go on, mate.

Wahey!

Sorry, what was that?

What was wrong with that?

Have another go.

He threw it underarm.

So?

What are you doing?

We both threw it overarm.

Throw it overarm, mate.

Has no one shown you how to throw overarm?

It's fine, bro.

I'll show you.

I'll show you.

Right.

Here you are.

First things first,

you square yourself

off with your target, yeah?

So have your foot facing...

Bit more to the right.

That's it.

Facing the target.

So it all comes from the legs.

So you lean back,

through the body,

and release.

Yeah?

Show me, er... Show me.

Okay.

Yeah, that's good form.

That's really good form.

Okay.

Okay, now give it a go.

Nice, look, that's a lot closer

and a lot better throw, right?

Yeah?

Right, so...

With this one, what I want you to do,

I want you to aim with this hand,

lean back into it,

and then push forward with the throw.

Just like that.

Yeah? Make sure to turn

your whole body into it though, yeah?

Er...

Foot a little bit more to the left.

Yeah, that's about right.

Hey!

That was incredible, mate.

That was a really good throw.

You've got a good aim

on you, man. Good aim.

Thank you.

Right, come on you tit.

Do you er...

do you do much sport, mate?

Er... no, not really.

You work out though, don't you?

Well, I do stuff at

home and I've...

...started jogging.

Yeah?

You should er...

you should get into some team sports,

you know, football, cricket,

help you make some friends.

Improve those social skills, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Yeah, maybe I should.

You like your rugby

though, don't you, Connor?

Yeah.

What's for tea tonight?

Fish finger sandwiches.

I thought you were

having a sausage, aren't you?

Never heard that one before.

Mature.

So you like the second one?

Yeah, I just... I don't

know, I like the music more.

I couldn't even

sit through the fourth one.

What are your steps on?

About fifteen thousand.

- Not bad.

- Which way are we going?

It depends if you want beer or not.

It depends if I want beer.

How long have you known me?

Well, er...

Thataway, then.

So you've...

you've never had a beer?

No.

What?

How do you know if you don't like it?

You don't want to try one?

Er... I don't know... er...

Well, why don't you join us tonight?

Why don't you have a one with us?

It's nice, help you socialise.

Yeah?

Yeah, okay, maybe I'll try it.

Good man.

Yes!

Nate,

He's going to have

a beer with us tonight.

You don't have

to if you don't want to, mate.

Over in one, then, boys?

Go on, then, Michael Jordan.

Argh!

Yeah, over in one.

I've got a blister, ain't I?

Ooh!

Sooh!

- Go on then, Connor.

- Come on, lad.

Hey!

- Good lad!

- He's made you look a right mug.

He ain't got a blister, has he?

Good man.

Have we got any of those apple pies?

Probably in your bag.

You'll see him again tomorrow.

Don't know that.

They're ahead of us now.

How about a game of cards?

Dad, what do you think of him?

I don't know.

Are you certain he's gay?

I'm pretty sure.

Right. Okay.

No, not like that.

It's just a feeling.

A feeling?

Come on, Adam.

I'm going for a walk.

What did I say?

You're going to look too eager.

See you later, Dad, okay?

Mate. Right. She said...

Now wait for this.

She said that I intrigue her.

- Really?

- Yeah.

She said you intrigue her?

Yeah.

Man, that is not a good start.

Right, gents,

time for a cold one, I think.

Yes, please, mate.

Connor, are you having one?

Er... yes, please.

All right.

There you go man.

There you go.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

So how was that?

Yeah. How was it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah?

It can be a bit bitter at first,

but you'll get used to it.

Don't worry. You don't need

to finish it if you don't like it.

No, Nate,

can you stop being such a p*ssy?

Mate, how's the... how's the throwing arm?

Yeah, it's okay.

Yeah?

Well, you did really well today.

Really well.

Yeah, thanks, I er...

really enjoyed it.

Adam, my man!

All right?

Yeah, take a seat, mate.

Nate, grab the man a beer.

Yeah. Cheers.

- Thank you.

- No worries, man.

So, mate, where are you from?

Exeter. I'm at the Met office there.

Okay. So, that makes

you a meteorologist, doesn't it?

Yeah?

We were on this absinthe that Nick had just

brought back from Croatia or something,

but that's like 80%, so

we were all completely rat-arsed.

And then, Mark, yeah, why were you

carrying that girl across the river again?

Anyway, so, Nick,

we didn't know this yet,

but he'd just taken a load of mushrooms, and

I think he was having a bad turn or something.

So, his girl goes to

give him a hug or whatever,

and he flies back, like

a bat out of hell, screaming,

"no, snake arms!"

Knocking down Mark

and his girl into the river.

So, it's the three of them in the

water just having this little threesome,

Mark clinging onto

Nick, having a little cuddle,

But the thing was, we didn't know

at that point that Mark couldn't swim,

so it looked like they -

Look!

We had a good night, right?

Yeah, it was a good time, man.

So, how do you lads all know each other?

Um...

So, me and Mark went to school together.

Um...

Actually, he used to

bully me a bit at the beginning.

Come off it, mate.

You can be such a drama queen.

Yeah, it was only a little bit.

Only back then I was

still like this shy, skinny kid.

Um...

And me and Connor jog together.

But we met at Wimbledon,

didn't we? He had seats next to us.

I think it was the middle Saturday.

Hang on.

You two...

You jog together?

Yeah.

Don't you live on

the opposite ends of London?

Where do you jog?

The park.

Which park?

Strawberry Hill.

So basically at your place?

Yeah, I guess.

Right.

And how long does it

take for you to get there?

I don't know, er...

An hour.

Maybe an hour and a bit.

So, you do all of

that to jog with Nathan?

It's just nicer to do it with somebody.

So, to jog with Nathan.

Mark, mate.

No, look, look. There's no issues.

I just find it interesting.

So, mate, where have you... er...

where have you set up camp?

Er... we're just outside of Clayton.

Clayton?

That must be miles away?

Just over a mile.

Just over a mile.

I wanted to see Connor.

Right.

I think I'm going

to head off for a shower.

Before it gets too late.

Yeah, I think we'll give

you guys some privacy.

I, er...

Brought you something.

No, no, I - I can't.

Sorry, boys.

Didn't mean to...

...interrupt.

Listen, I know I've only known

you for like a minute compared to him.

And my thighs would

probably fit in his biceps, but...

I think we've got

something really special, you know?

It's just, no, no,

it's not what it looks like. I...

I just - I - I -

I don't have many friends and...

But I'm not...

you know...

Gay?

Okay.

Cool.

So this is a bit awkward then.

This is still for you though.

Thanks.

It was supposed to come

with a little kiss by the way.

Thanks, I guess.

It's all right.

Well, I'd probably better go.

I had a really nice time yesterday.

Yeah?

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

If I was...

you know...

I'd have been very

lucky to have someone like you.

Thank you.

That's very kind of you to say.

That kiss is still on the table,

just so you know...

It won't make you gay or anything.

It can just be a

little kiss between buddies.

No, no I'm sorry. I can't.

No I didn't mean to...

I wasn't trying to

pressure you or anything.

It's okay. I didn't think you were.

Okay, great.

I'm going to go.

Go on then.

Maybe just a little one.

You came all this way.

Are you sure?

Before I change my mind.

So how was that?

Not too bad.

Better than I thought actually.

Still not gay though. Sorry.

Fair enough.

See you later.

Thank you.

Well young Marcus, I

don't know about you but I

just had a lovely

shower that definitely happened.

I most certainly did, Nathan.

And it was nice and steamy.

Was it nice and steamy here?

Not exactly.

Well, that leaves

the door open for you Nate.

That's funny and original.

Mate, he

brought you a chocolate.

That is bloody adorable.

Would you like some?

No. No, no, no, I wouldn't

want to er...

consume the fruits of your love,

so to speak.

I will take another beer though, Nate.

You having one, mate?

Er... no thanks, I think

I'm going to go to bed.

Okay man.

Sorry, what?

No thanks, I'm just feeling tired.

Mate, this isn't a debate, sit down.

Connor?

Connor, are you up mate?

Connor?

Wakey wakey.

He's not in there.

What?

You don't just go

off without telling anyone.

Yeah, I'll give him a ring, man.

Why don't we just

pack up and then we'll...

Here he is.

Hey.

Good morning.

Are you all right, mate? We were

starting to get worried about you.

Er...

Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay thanks.

I'm just going to go for a shower.

I'll be very quick, sorry.

Nate, I can't find your plasters, mate.

I'll grab them.

You're not going to take these?

Please?

You're very quiet today, mate?

Yeah, sorry.

I suppose I am.

It's all right.

It's one of the best

things about being in nature, isn't it?

Everything just goes quiet.

What do you reckon

boys? Time for some tea?

Yeah, sounds good.

Yeah.

Lush.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Are you all right, mate?

Connor?

You've hardly said a word today, mate?

I'm always quiet.

That's no good, is it?

You need to get involved, Connor.

Why don't you make the tea?

Well, well, well I don't...

It's all right mate,

don't worry about it. I got it.

Nathan, I said let Connor make the tea.

You all right?

All right?

Sorry, Adam, what's the rush?

Not even a hello?

Hey.

I'm er... I'm still waiting

for my chocolate by the way.

Aww, only if you shag me, mate.

I think I'll leave that to Connor, mate.

Your loss, pal.

See you.

Did he just slap your bum?

So what?

Are you his bitch now?

It's all right, mate, don't be jealous.

No mate, seriously.

You can't just let a guy

do something like that to you.

It was just a joke.

Mate, I would have

beaten the sh*t out of him.

Mate, it was just a joke.

Ask Connor.

Connor?

Er... I don't know.

See?

If a guy does something like that to you,

you've got to very

firmly put him in his place.

Mate, come on, it's not like

he's going to do anything to me, is it?

Nathan, it's not the problem.

Look,

people are going to

start to think you like it.

Hell, even I'm starting

to think you like it.

Shut up.

If word gets out that

you can't say no to boys,

everyone is

going to want a go on you.

I mean, you're the perfect housewife, mate.

You cook, you clean.

And maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Because then at

least you'd finally get some.

Cheers mate, for

these blister plasters.

I can hardly feel it.

That's all right.

I don't know about you boys, but I

could go for a nice cold one right now.

Or a - or a lukewarm one, right?

Hi.

All right?

Yeah, yeah...

How's your day been?

Yeah, all right.

Good, good.

See you later, mate.

Adam!

Hello.

You all right mate?

Washing up duty again, is it?

Yeah, as usual.

Listen, you should come over later.

Have a beer if you fancy?

Er...

Okay.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Cool.

Be good to see you.

Cool.

Boys, this is

just getting ridiculous now.

It's just this

constant stream of texts and emojis.

Maybe I should just ignore it.

What do you think?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah?

It might make

things worse, though, right?

Might do.

Connor, you having one?

No thanks, I'm okay.

So you're not having a drink?

No.

You didn't like it?

No, it was okay. I'm

just... I'm not really...

Mate, you more than anyone, need

something to loosen up a little bit.

Nate, grab him a drink.

No, really, I don't want one.

Connor, this is not a debate.

Mark, come on. He doesn't want one.

And what's got into you as well?

Nothing. He just doesn't want a beer.

You've been like this all afternoon.

Like what?

Hi.

Um...

Mind if I join you?

Hey!

Yeah, please, take a seat.

Do you want a beer?

Cheers.

Cool.

Thanks, mate.

No worries.

Come on, though, Nate,

you know what I'm talking about.

So how are your feet?

They're doing all right, to be honest.

The old legs are

absolutely knackered but my feet

are actually okay.

Why, are you having some issues?

Yeah, mate, my feet are ruined.

And Mark's got this

minging blister on his foot.

But you're relatively

unscathed, aren't you?

Yeah, it was a

proper grind today, wasn't it?

That bit with the concrete I

thought was never going to end.

Listen, mate, do you follow the rugby?

Do I follow the rugby?

If you want to find

me, just look for the rugby.

Good lad.

So, I take it you support Exeter, then?

Yeah, of course.

Wouldn't be allowed in town if I didn't.

As it should be.

So, er... I've got a

mate who plays for Quins

and I was thinking

maybe he could get us tickets

for the next time they play each other?

Er... okay.

Yeah, definitely. Sounds great.

Cool.

I think the next time

they play is in like three weeks.

I'm not sure where, but

we can definitely sort something.

Sorry, mate.

What are you doing?

What?

You've basically just

asked the guy out on a date.

Mark, come on, mate.

And if you give me a minute, I was going

to see if Connor wanted to go as well.

You're a Quins man, aren't you?

Do you fancy him?

Mark, don't be stupid.

I just don't want you

to give him the wrong idea.

Mark, mate.

Please.

So, you'd be up for it?

Sorry, did you say in three weeks?

I should probably check my diary first.

I've just got this idea that

I've got something on that weekend.

Is it all right if I let you know tomorrow?

Yeah, man, no worries.

Connor?

Um...

I'm not sure, to be honest.

It's okay.

Right, er...

Anyone fancy a marshmallow?

I think I should probably go.

No, mate, come on.

The light's still young.

We're just getting started.

You do fancy him, don't you?

Mark, mate, please just drop it.

Why can't you just tell me?

It's not like I mind.

Of course I don't!

Why are you being like this?

Because I don't want to

see you disrespected, mate.

Mark, come on, man,

no one's disrespecting me.

Yeah, you like it. You like it

when he feels you up and touches your bum.

Why are you so

concerned with Nathan's business?

Sorry, what?

If I didn't know any

better, I might think you were jealous.

Mate, I know you want to be Nathan's

knight in shining armour and everything,

but that's not going to happen.

Mate,

this is none of your business.

Connor, please,

mate, just...

It is none of your business

either. Just leave him alone!

Why don't you just sit back down...

This is not a debate!

- Morning.

- Morning.

I think I'm going to go home today.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

All right, mate.

Connor.

Connor.

So...

Connor says he's um...

...heading back today.

Are you all right?

You want a coffee?

Yeah.

How's the, er...

How's the writing on your arm?

Nate?

Yeah?

It looks like your writing is coming off.

Yeah.

Mine's still quite visible.

You must have really left

an impression when you did it.

There you go, mate.

You going to be all right?

Yeah.

Thanks.

See you back in London, mate.

All right.

Sorry dad, just a minute.

Hey.

Morning.

Sorry about last night.

No, no, nothing to be sorry about.

I thought it was kind of hot actually.

Kind of kept me up a bit.

Anyway, I thought...

Here's my number.

If you ever find yourself in Exeter.

Yeah, thanks, definitely.

Well...

Good luck with everything.

Looks like tonight's

going to be another long one then.

Well, I've got to go.

Well played.

I never knew you were such a Don Juan.