02x20 - Dennis' Birthday

[bunniefuu]

-Alice found a small bottle.

She's sending to over by Dennis.

-Well, meet him at
the door, Martha.

You know how he always rushes
into the room like a whirlwind.

And if there's even
the slightest breeze--

-I know, Dear.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson!

I've got if for you, Mr. Wilson.

-You wait right here, Dear.

Mr. Wilson's very busy
working with his seeds.

-Seeds?

-Yes, prize petunia seeds.

They're very tiny
and very valuable.

He's been saving them
one by one all summer.

-Gosh.

-Oh, fine.

This is just the kind
of bottle I need.

-It's the emptiest one
Mom had, Mr. Wilson.

There's still some in it.

-Uh-huh, well, I'll empty it.

Uh, d-- you can
come into the room

after I've filled the
bottle with seeds.

But till I do, don't
you even breath.

-Uh, uh, uh, achoo!

Great Scott!

What was in that bottle?

-Just a little
pepper, Mr. Wilson.

Don't worry.

Mom didn't want it back.

-Ah, ho ho.

[theme music]

-I know I promised to have a
celebrity appear at the Lodge

party Tuesday night,
and I'm working on it.

Yes, Tom.

I know there isn't much time.

I-- now look here, Tom.

I'm chairman of the
entertainment committee,

and I will come up
with something good.

Now, you have my word on it.

Now stop worrying.

Good bye.

Tom, Worrywart.

I--

Oh, hello, Martha, dear.

Uh-- uh come on in here.

I want to show you something.

Martha, how would you
like a glass of wine?

-George, at :
in the morning?

-Oh, well then, perhaps you
would prefer, uh, water.

-Oh.

[chuckle]

-George, For a minute, I
didn't know what to think.

-Pretty clever, eh?

Haha.

Oh, wait til you see the
new trick I'm working on.

Oh, it's a pretty
tough one to do,

but I have til
Tuesday to practice.

-Tuesday?

That's the Lodge party.

You're not going to do your
magic act again this year?

-Well, I hadn't planned to.

But if I can't get
a celebrity, I'll

just have to fill in myself.

-Everybody would
enjoy seeing your act

if they hadn't already
seen it several times.

-Come here, my dear.

Step into this
cabinet for a minute,

and I'll make you disappear.

-Not now, George.

I haven't time to disappear.

I have to pack.

-Oh, um, by the way, uh, under
the circumstances, Martha,

you better call Jim
and Edna and tell them

that we won't be able to come
up for this weekend after all.

I will be busy practicing.

-George, that's
just another excuse.

-Or I'll tell you
what, why don't you go?

-They're your relatives.

-Everything I have in
this world, my dear,

belongs to you, including my
cousin and his obnoxious wife.

-(ANGRILY) i am not
going again without you!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hiiiiii, Mr. Wilson!

-Now if I could only
make him disappear.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Here's something for ya.

-Well, put it on
the desk, Dennis.

I can't talk to you now.

I have to rehearse
my magic tricks.

-Abra Cadabra!

-Boy!
-Oh.

[chuckle]

-You like that Dennis?

-Boy, that's the best magic
I ever saw in all my life!

Do some more, will
ya, Mr. Wilson?

I could watch you doing
magic tricks all day.

[chuckle]

-Not this day you
can't, young man.

Besides, you can see my
whole act at the party.

-Jeepers, are you gonna
put on your magic show

for the party, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, I am.

Now you run along
like a good boy.

-I will, Mr. Wilson.

I'll be the best boy
in this neighborhood.

-Good for you.

[puttering]

-I've wanted one of
these ever since Dennis

was four years old.

-Oh, he'll love it.

-Hey, Mom, I'm home.

Hey, Mom, guess what!

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Mom.

You sure were wrong about
good old Mr. Wilson.

He is too coming to
my birthday party.

-Really, Honey, are you sure?

-And you know what?

He's gonna put on his
magic show for us.

-That doesn't sound
like Mr. Wilson.

-Dear, are you sure you
didn't misunderstand him?

I'd hate to see
you disappointed.

-Sure, I'm sure.

He told me so.

I've gotta go now and deliver
the rest of my invitations.

Bye.
-Bye.

-I can't imagine Mr.
Wilson allowing himself

to be dragged through a
child's birthday party.

[chuckle]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, Dad, if that's

the steam engine I
saw in the closet,

you better not monkey
around with it.

You don't wanna get it
busted before my birthday.

Herbie.

Hey, Herbie, it's me!

-Oh, well, Herbie's
gone downtown

with his mother for a while.

He'll be back soon.

Come on in.

-Say, aren't you
Mrs. Lily Ruskin?

-Well, that's my name
on a television show.

-What are you doing
at Herbie's house?

-Right now I'm babysitting
with Herbie's little sister.

Actually, I--

-How come you're babysitting?

-Well, come on, sit down.

I'll tell you about it.

I was on a personal
appearance tour in the east.

So I stopped off here on my way
home to see Herbie's mother.

She's my favorite niece.
-Oh.

Well, who's taking care of
your family on December Bride?

Where's Ruth and Matt?

[chuckling]

-They're only my
television family.

My name is really
Spring Byington.

What's your name?

-Dennis.

-Oh, you're the
little Mitchell boy.

-Hi, Aunt Spring.

-Hi, Darling.

-I got back as soon as I could.

Honestly, that traffic's
enough-- oh, Dennis.

Oh, oh, I was hoping you'd
be able to get a nap.

-I did have.

I've had a lovely time.

The baby's been a cherub.

And Dennis and I
have been having

a stimulating conversation.

-That's nice.

Herbie, why don't you and Dennis
run over to his house and play?

-Well, I don't
have time to play.

I've gotta deliver the
rest of my invitations.

Here's yours, Herbie.

-What for?

-I'm having a birthday
party next Saturday,

and it's gonna be
the best party I ever

had in all my life on
account of you know what?

-What?-We're gonna have a magic show.

-You are?

I just love magic.

-You can come too
if you want, and you

don't have to
bring me a present.

-Well, thank you.

His mother, is that good friend
of yours, Alice Mitchell,

that you were telling me about?

-Yeah.

Oh, she'd be thrilled
to death to meet you,

i-- if you really want to.

-Dennis, we accept
with pleasure.

-OK, Bye, Herbie.

-He's invited me to
his birthday party?

Why, Martha, that's the
last place I want to be.

Oh, we'll buy him
a nice present.

-He's expecting you.

Alice told me so.

He thinks you're gonna
do your magic tricks.

-He-- for Pete's, uh-- oh,
well he misunderstood me.

Well, now what am I going to do?

-You'll just have to go, George.

-Oh, Martha.

-I don't know how
you can get out

of it without
hurting his feelings.

-Oh.

-Unless we weren't
going to be in town.

You did promise
your cousin first.

-Martha, maybe we could say
we're going to my cousins.

Oh, all right, Martha.

It isn't an easy
choice, but well, I

better go over to the
Mitchell's and just tell them

how sorry I am I can't beat
Dennis' birthday party.

-We're awfully
sorry you won't be

able to be at the
party, Mr. Wilson.

But we understand,
don't we Dennis?

-Sure.

That's OK, Mr. Wilson.

-It is?

-Jeepers, you can't
help it, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, well, I'm glad you're
not disappointed, Dennis.

Thank you for the coffee, Alice.

-We'll just wait and have my
birthday when you come back.

-Oh, no, Dennis,
you can't do that.

-Sure, we can.

Huh, Mom?

-Well, I--

-Oh, no.

Your mother's already
planned it for Saturday.

But I'll tell you what we'll do.

-What Mr. Wilson?

-Well, you, and your
mother, and father

can be my guests at the
Lodge Benefit Tuesday night.

You can see all my magic
acts there, Dennis.

-Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

That's very kind of you.

-Well, it-- it should be
a good benefit, I think.

Course, might act
would be a lot better

if I had more time to practice.

I'm just filling in because
I cannot get a celebrity.

There's just not a soul in town.

-I know a celebrity.

-You do?

-Herbie's Aunt Spring.

The one who's
coming to my party.

Of course, she's
not his real aunt.

He only calls her that.

She's on television.

-Television?

What's the rest of her name?

-Mrs. Ruskin.

-Spring Ruskin.

I never heard of her.

Well, Alice, we'll see
you when we get back.

[sigh]

-George, you haven't
said a word all evening.

But I guess it
runs in the family.

Jim doesn't talk much
either, do ya, Jim?

He just plunks himself
down right after supper

and watches TV.
Oh.

Here's an ash tray, George.

Haven't you got any that
are larger than that?

-No, I'm sorry.

None of our friends smoke.

-Well, if you rather I didn't--

-Oh, no, no, no, no.

We want you to be
completely at home.

Now you go right ahead
and smoke your pipe.

I'll just open this
window so the smell

doesn't get in the curtains.

[wind howling]

-I'll smoke it later!

-Oh.

You know, Jim and I always enjoy
a bit of sweet after supper.

[chuckle]

-Would you care
for a piece of gum?

-No, thank you, Dear.

-She's watching her calories.

-Well, George, how've you been?

-Oh, just fine, Jim, fine.

And you?

-Oh, can't complain, George.

Except for that old
pain in the neck.

-How long have you
two been married now?

-Eh, shall I, uh,
turn on the set?

-Good idea.

-Oh, Jim's just like a child
if he misses his programs.

As far as I'm concerned,
I'd much rather

hear what you folks have been
doing since we saw you last.

Like I always say, a person
doesn't learn anything

if he doesn't listen.

Don't you agree, Martha?

Oh, but I try not to interfere
with Jim's pleasures.

[sigh]

-Most wives demand so
much of their husbands.

But I feel when Jim comes home
from a hard day at the office,

and he wants to plunk
down in front of that box,

he has a right to do what he
wants to in his own house.

MALE SPEAKER (ON
TV): December Bride,

starring Spring
Byington as Lily Ruskin.

-It's the December Bride show.

Doggonit, we just
cut in at the end.

-Yeah, that's always been
one of my-- Lily Ruskin.

Spring Byington.

Ohh.

Great Scott!

How could I be such
a blithering idiot?

-What's the matter, George?

-Spring Ruskin, the one
Dennis has been talking about,

is really Spring Byington.

-I know, Dear.

She always has been.

-Now how could I be so stupid?

Why didn't I put two
and two together?

We watch her show all the time.

-Please Dear, don't
be so excited.

-He said Spring Ruskin, but
it never occurred to me.

Why, she'd be a marvelous
celebrity, Martha.

But it isn't too late.

I-- if we leave first
thing in the morning,

we can be home by
or o'clock.

-Leave?

But you said you
could stay til Sunday.

-Oh, well, I'm sorry, Jim.

There's nothing in the
world I'd like better,

but I just remembered I
promised the little boy

next door that I'd go
to his birthday party.

-George, you said the
last thing in the world--

-The very last thing in the
world I'd ever want to do,

my dear, is to disappoint
dear little Dennis.

Come along.
I'll help you pack.

[chuckle]

-No wonder Martha hasn't
brought him to visit us.

Well, I'm glad there's
nothing like that

on my side of the family.

-How would you like Spring
Byington as your celebrity

Tuesday night?

Uh-huh?

Haha.

Well, I have friends
in important places.

[chuckle]

-Just a minute, Dear.

-Don't you think you
better ask her first?

-Well, I told you if I was
Entertainment Chairman,

I'd come up with a good program.

Ahaha.

Yeah, later, Tom.

Hehehe.

He was absolutely flabbergasted.

-But what if she
doesn't say yes?

-Oh, well, she won't say no.

It's for charity, isn't it?

-Well, yes.

-Whoa, don't you worry, Martha.

I've dealt with
important people before.

I know how to handle them
Why, when I finish telling her

about the Lodge, she'll
be putty in my hands.

Why, she'll jump at the chance.

Don't you worry.

Now come on.

Help me with all this magic
equipment out here, Dear.

[rowdy kids]

[doorbell]
-Boys!

Boys!
Boys!

Just hold it now.

Oh.

Oh, the Wilsons.

Thank goodness you could come.

Alice had to go see
her father in Lawndale.

I-- it's too late to
call the party off.

-Is something wrong?

-Well, her father fell
down and hurt his foot.

We don't think it's serious.

I'm expecting
Alice home tonight.

-Well, I'll pitch in
and help right away.

-Oh, thank you, Mr. Wilson.

-And I'll do my magic tricks.

I left my equipment
on the porch.

-I'll set it up for you later.

-Fine.
[chuckle]

-You'll never guess who's here.

-Who?

-Spring Byington, the actress.

-Spring Byington?

No!

-Uh, Mrs. Byington, I'd like
you to meet Mr. And Mrs. Wilson,

our next door neighbors.

-Oh, how do you do?

-Would you excuse us a minute?

Mrs. Wilson and I are
going to the kitchen.

-Excuse me.

-Eh, oh, Mrs. Ruskin.

Oh!

I mean,
[chuckle]

-Mrs. Byington.

Oh, this is such
a great pleasure.

You're such a great fan of mine.

Eh, oh, I mean, I'm such
a great favorite of yours.

Uh--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Jeepers.

I sure am glad you
could come to my party.

He's the one I was
telling you about.

He's the best magician
in the whole world.

-I'm looking forward
to your show.

Magic fascinates me.

-Well, of course,
I'm only an amateur.

-What's that?

-That's an amateur.

-You sure are, Mr. Wilson.

But he'd be even better
if he had a rabbit.

I asked everybody I know to give
me a rabbit from my birthday,

but nobody did.

Not yet anyway.
-Yeah.

Well, that's fine, Dennis.

Thank you.

Now, as I was saying,
Mrs. Byington--

-She knows a lot of good games.

Don't ya, huh?

What'll we play next?

-How about Farmer in the Dell?

-OK, that's a good idea!

Hey, all you kids, we're
gonna play Farmer in the Dell.

And good old Mr. Wilson
gets to be the farmer.

-Eh, oh no, Dennis.

I don't want to be the farmer.

Uh, Mrs. Byington, now--

-Sure you do, Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, uh, no , I don't, Dennis.

-OK, how about
you, Mrs. Byington?

Will you play with us?

-Why, of course
I'll play with you.

But you ought to be the farmer.

You're the birthday boy.

-Eh, Dennis, I-- I have
to talk to Mrs. Byington.

-OK, all you kids, pipe down.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
Mrs. Byington--

-We're gonna play the
Farmer in the Dell.

And I'm gonna be the farmer.

-The farmer in the dell.

Heigh ho the derry-o,
the farmer in the dell--

-Mrs. Byington,
I'd like to speak--

-The farmer takes a wife--
-Oh well.

All right.

I'll play with you,Dennis,
if you want me to.

-Heigh ho the derry-o,
the farmer takes a wife.

The wife takes the child.

The wife takes the child.

Heigh ho the derry-o,
the wife takes the child.

The child takes the dog.

The child takes the dog--

-Margaret, pick me.
-Heigh ho--

-Margaret, Margaret, pick me.

Margaret, pick me.

-The dog takes the cat.

The dog takes the cat.

Heigh ho the derry-o,
the dog takes the cat.

-Eh, eh, Mrs. Byington?

-Uh, would you like
some punch, Mr. Wilson?

-Uh, no thank you.

Uh, I never indulge
before a performance.

[chuckling]

-Mrs. Byington, I have something
very important to ask you.

Now, I hope you won't
think me presumptuous.

But I hoped you would-- eh,
that is to say-- I me-- I me--

[stuttering]

-Would you--

-Yes?

-Give me a glass
of punch, please?

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, kids!

Let's play Pin the
Tail on the Donkey.

-Oh, Mrs. Byington?

Could I get another
picture of you, please?

-Oh, why, of course.

-Right over here, if
you wouldn't mind.

-Where.

-If you'll just
stand right here.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Warmer!
[chattering]

-Eh, Mrs. Byington?

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder!

-Yes?

HENRY MITCHELL
(OFFSCREEN): Dorothy, we

want you in this one, too.

-Uh, speaking of
performances, Mrs. Byington--

-Mr. Wilson, would you move
over just-- just a little bit.

Thank you.

Now you squeeze
in there, Dorothy.

And Mrs. Wilson.

OK, you're fine.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): You're
getting colder, Dennis.

You're getting colder, Dennis.

[laugh]MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder.

You're gonna freeze!

[laughter]

-You're gonna freeze!

[laughter]

-Hold it.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder.

-Now, everybody say cheese.
-Chee--

-Eee!
-Oh!

-Jeepers.

-George, are you all right?

Oh, my goodness.

It's all over you.

I'll have to take you in
the kitchen and wash it off.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

I thought you were the donkey.

-Well, that's what I am, Dennis.

That's exactly what I am.

-You want me to ask her
for you, Mr. Wilson?

I don't mind.

She and me are good friends.

-Never mind, Dear.

Mr. Wilson will ask her
himself after the magic show.

Now, pull yourself
together, Dear.

Remember, the show must go on.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Oh, boy!

Here's your magic
hat, Mr. Wilson.

And here's your magic cane.

Hey, all you kids!

It's time for the magic.

Now we're gonna have some fun!
-All right!

Yay!

-Da da da da da da
da, da da da duh!

Introducing Mr.
Wilson, The Great!

-Yay!

-Thank you, ladies and
gentleman and honored guests.

Now for my first example in
the art of le jour demain,

shall we say, I shall now take
just an ordinary $ . piece,

ordinary $ . piece,
coin of the realm.

Make it disappear.

[drum roll]

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ooo!

-Where did it go?

Ah, there it is.

Right here.

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ohh.

Ohh.
[clapping]

-And now for my next example
in the art of prestidigitation

I need the assistance
of a young lady.

Margaret?

-I don't want to.

-Uh, would I do?

-Would you?

Oh, why, thank
you, Mrs. Byington.

If my charming assistant
will step into the cabinet.

Excuse me.

It's very simple, Mrs. Byington.

You just step in the cabinet
and squeeze against the back.

-Are you there, oh sl*ve?

If so, speak.

MRS. BYINGTON(OFFSCREEN): Yes, Master.

-Then disappear, old sl*ve, to
be recalled by the magic wand.

Abra Cadabra!

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ohh!

Ohh!

[laughing]

-And now, return, oh sl*ve.

Abra Cadabra!

Return, oh sl*ve.

Abra Cadabra!

Oh!

Hey, eh, don't worry.

Something's stuck,
Mrs. Byington.

I'll have you out of
there in a second.

Grrr.

Uh, don't worry.

Just stay calm.

Don't worry.

[mrs. byington gasping]

-Don't--

MRS. BYINGTON
(OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson?

-Don't worry!

Don't panic!

[stuttering]

-Help!

[mrs. byington screaming]

-Help!

[mrs. byington screaming]

-Help!

-Stand back.

Yes, stand back.

Uh, but don't
worry, Mrs. Binder.

We'll have you out in a minute.

Dennis, go get my screwdriver.

-Let me try.

-Oh, Mrs. Byington,
something went wrong.

I don't know what to say.

-It's quite all
right, Mr. Wilson.

Just don't say anything!

-Oh.

-I guess you better stick to
the rabbits, huh, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Oh, hello, Tom.

Just a minute.

I'll call him.

-No.I don't want to talk to him.

I don't want to talk to anybody!

-He'll only call back later.

You may as well
get it over with.

[sigh]

-What will I say to him?

Oh, Martha, when will I learn
to keep my big mouth shut?

Why did I ever mention
Spring Byington's name?

[doorbell]

-Oh, don't-- don't let them in.
I don't want to see anybody.

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN):
Just a minute, please.

-Oh, hello, Tom.

Well, I was just getting
ready to call you.

Haha.

Eh well, uh, no.

No good news.

Eh, well, nothing
definite, that is.

[doorbell]

-Eh-- oh, oh, yes.

I saw her.

Eh-- well, Tom, the
truth of the matter is--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

-Oh, not that.

Not that on top of
everything else.

-Look at the rabbit we got
for good old Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, Dennis!
Take it away.

Get that thing off me.

-Oh, Mr. Wilson.

I'm so sorry.

Dennis and I thought
you'd like it.

TOM (ON PHONE): George?
George, are you there?

-Oh, oh, oh, I
do, Mrs. Byington.

I'm crazy about it.

I-- this is the cutes
little follow I ever saw.

What are you doing here?

And why would you want to
give me a rabbit after-- well,

after what happened?
TOM (ON PHONE): George?

Hello, George?

-Oh, stop interrupting.

-Well, Dennis told
me that you were

going to put on your magic
act for the hospital benefit.

And I wondered if
you'd be kind enough

to let me act as your assistant?

-You want to be my assistant
at the Lodge Benefit?

-If you want me to.

-Why, I-- I-- I-- I--
I'd be delighted.

Y-- you mean it?

-Of course I do.

I think we ought to have a
couple of rehearsals first,

don't you?

-Eh, eh-- Tom, I
can't talk to you

for the rest of the evening.

Mrs. Spring Byington
and I have to rehearse.

[chuckling]

-I told you, you had
nothing to worry about.

When did George Wilson
ever let you down?

[chuckling]

-Good old Mr. Wilson, huh?

[laughing]

[theme music]