01x01 - Take This Job and Squeeze It

[bunniefuu]

♪

I am so behind on my spring

shopping.

I do this every year.

Oh, I know.

Pink is back in and my closet is

totally pink poor.

Good thing the mall is open

early on Saturdays.

[Gasping]

Yes.

The mothership.

Come on, we only have eight

hours.

What?

Oh, right, thanks.

[Spitting sound]

Oh!

Security!

[Laughing]

Tell the Rent-a-Cops we said

hi.

So, which way are you going?

I've got to find those

crystal encrusted flip-flops.

Hook up after lunch for

manicures.

Cool.

Later.

Oh, I'm home.

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job

gonna start at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

Okay, I know it's just a

part-time summer job, but today

I feel like more of a man.

Oh yeah, nothing says

maturity more than the phrase,

"Do you want to gargantusize

that, sir?"

You're missing the point.

There's a big difference between

working for minimum wage, and

begging your parents for

allowance.

Oh, forgive me if I can't see

you taking responsibility for

anything bigger than your locker

combo.

It'll be worth it.

See, with the chicks, it's all

about the bling-bling.

And the way I figure it, we'll

be making two large each by the

end of summer.

You learn everything you know

from cop shows and music videos,

don't you?

You know it!

You know, you're going to

have to find someone dumb enough

to hire you first, right?

Look at me.

Do I look worried?

Uh, not really, no.

Hey!

Too bad none of you can work

at the Penalty Box with me

'cause they never hire first

timers.

I swear it was so worth it to

work here this year.

Now they'll hire me for sure.

I thought you got that job to

pay for the damage you did to

the team van.

Yeah, didn't you crash it

into the equipment shed?

Shut up.

The point is I won't ever have

to wear this hideous lemon hat

again.

Yeah, I'm going to really

miss making fun of you in it.

Hey!

It was the only job I could get.

I was under sixteen, remember?

Which is probably why you

shouldn't have been driving the

team bus.

Ha ha.

At least all of us will be

working here together this

summer.

Here comes my first customer on

my last day!

Can I help you?

A lychee fruit smoothie with

an energy blast and no pulp,

please.

We only have what's on the

menu.

Oh, I guess I'll have a

lemonade, then.

Do you take credit cards?

For a dollar ninety, no.

So that's what a fifty looks

like.

[Laughing]

Hey, do you know where Nice

Cinnamon Buns is?

Oh, it's just over there.

Make sure you ask for the one

with the hole in it.

They're like so much better!

Thanks!

Good one.

Don't I know her from

somewhere?

She goes to our school.

She didn't start until grade ,

though.

Now there's a girl who'll never

have to work.

Ugh, I hate her already.

Meow, watch the claws, girls!

She's so spoiled.

She's like this only child and

both her parents are doctors, or

something.

Why should she work if she's

rich?

I wouldn't.

Speaking of not working, I

can't believe you guys haven't

put in your resumes yet.

Stores started booking

interviews last week.

I know, I know.

We made a pact to all get

jobs at the mall so we could

hang out together.

It's the only way I'll make it

though the summer.

What's the big deal?

All you've got to do is smile,

look good, and remember the

customer is always right.

Do you really believe that?

No.

Welcome to the Khaki Barn,

have a khaki day!

♪

Isn't this girl-size

boyfriend sweater the sweetest?

Oh, I know!

[Buzzer]

Excuse me, your credit card's

been declined.

[Gasp]

The strip's probably just

worn out.

Try it again.

Maybe you've reached your

limit.

Credit cards have limits?

[Ominous sounds]

♪

What's happening?

It's about time you got here.

Don't you take anything

seriously?

Relax, capitane.

Check it out!

I've got my resume done and

everything, see.

Ew, dude, what's that goo?

Last night's dinner.

That was a good hot dog.

You guys had better get out

there.

You're not going to get an

interview.

Relax mom, we're on it.

In case you haven't noticed,

there's like ten thousand stores

in this mall.

Actually, there's nine

hundred and thirty-six.

I counted one day when I was

bored.

Can't handle this on an empty

stomach.

Be back pronto.

Fine, but don't cry to me if

you end up somewhere lame, like

the taco stand, for the next

year.

Uh, things you'll see me do

after I stick a rusty fork in my

eye.

Hey, they make a mean taco.

I'm just saying, the

competition for the cool stores

is tough.

Everyone wants to work at them.

Don't sweat it step-sis.

Do not call me that.

Our parents are not married,

they're dating.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

Sounds good, I'll be there.

My interview's been bumped to

two-thirty.

Anyone want to practise their

answers?

ALL: No.

Look Daddy, I needed that new

Vespa to get around.

The old one had a flat tire.

Really, they can fix those?

Excuse me, are you going to

like, buy these clothes or not?

Hang on.

I do so know where money comes

from.

The partners at your firm.

Well, I'm off to my

interview.

Wish me luck!

Like you need it.

You're going to kick butt.

I know.

So where's everyone going to

start?

Travel agencies.

The Gigantoplex - free

movies!

North Shore Surf and Skate -

definitely!

Grind Me.

Excuse me?

The coffee house.

I like the clientele.

They're civilized!

[Gasping]

Do you think they'll

interview us today.

Probably, why?

I don't know dude.

What if I choke.

It's a breeze.

Just be polite and honest.

Employers love that, okay?

Polite and honest.

Solid advice.

I can handle that.

Let's do this!

Come on, Daddy.

How am I supposed to pay off

that bill?

No wait, don't put those back.

You want me to what?

I have to get a job?

No!

My card!

Fine, I can get a job.

[Screaming]

She's got one.

How hard can it be?

CLERK: I'm good!

So, tell me, why do you want

to work here, Masterson?

'cause I've always wanted to

start my own line of

snowboarding gear, and I think

working here would teach me so

much about the retail sports

industry.

I spend most of my free time

here, anyway, so I figured I

might as well get paid for it.

Because the Gigantoplex is a

great place to pick up chicks.

I need the money to go

traveling.

Do you guys have like, an

employee discount?

So, where do you see yourself

in five years?

Five years?

Not working in a mall!

I know where I'd like to see

myself tonight.

Rock climbing with some Maori

dudes in New Zealand.

I don't even know what I'm

doing this weekend.

Riding for my college

snowboarding team, and competing

in the Olympics.

If you were a tree, what kind

of tree would you be?

[Laughing and snorting]

Is that the uniform you have

to wear?

That colour really doesn't suit

me.

I'd be a Christmas tree.

I guess I'd be a maple.

No, wait, a dandelion.

I'd rethink the hat too.

I thought this was a skate

shop.

I'd be an oak, because

they're strong, and they like to

help others by providing shade

from the sun.

Sorry - this might be

important.

What was my greatest

accomplishment?

Getting to second base with Jill

Anderson.

Perfecting my mother's

signature.

I once ate ten worms on a

dare.

Being the youngest girl to

make my varsity soccer team.

I'd have to say my

accessories.

My worst qualities?

My feet sometimes smell,

'cause--

I guess I don't have much

patience for authority.

The list is long and

distinguished.

When I was seven, I had this

really heinous orange top.

I don't have any.

I'm a pretty great guy.

Well that sucked.

Guess who's the new assistant

customer coach at the Penalty

Box?

Congrats-- at least one of us

is employed.

You mean, none of you got

jobs?

That was not what I was

expecting.

How bad could it have been?

It was just an interview.

You know that time Jonesy

pantsed me in front of the whole

girls soccer team?

This was worse.

We were applying for

part-time jobs.

That was like the Danish

Inquisition!

I think you mean Spanish

Inquisition.

Whatever, dude, it sucked!

What are my worst qualities?

Ugh, like they'd hire me if I

told them.

I told them mine!

For real?

How many did you give them?

Seventeen.

Oh man!

Was I supposed to lie?

Guys, the right answer is,

"Sometimes I work a little too

hard."

Thanks-- information that

would have been useful two hours

ago!

What??

We're not doing anything wrong!

Man that guy creases me.

Seriously.

He's got nothing better to do

than be suspicious of everyone

under thirty.

For your information, we work

here too!

Technically we don't yet.

Remember?

I can't believe it.

I'm going to be stuck working

here alone, again.

Aw man, we had our whole

whole summer planned.

Now we'll never be able to see

each other.

This is unbelievable.

Did you see the guy running

Stereo Shack?

Even he has a job and he carries

a light sabre to work.

I can always play guitar on

the subway for quarters.

[Crying]

Oh, didn't have the new

ruffle skirt in your size?

It just so happens that I'm

applying for a job and I didn't

get hired either.

Huh, guess all the positions

for professional shoppers were

filled.

You're so mean.

We better try again before

the only job left is at the taco

stand.

Now I just have to find some

loser to take my job.

Hey, any of you guys want it?

I'll hire you on the spot.

No interview.

[All laughing]

We have some pride.

[Crying]

So why are you applying for a

job anyway?

My dad freaked when he got

his credit card bill and now

he's making me get a job.

So I tried, like, everywhere but

no one would take me.

I'm sure you'll find

something.

No, you don't understand.

It was so humiliating!

I can't even shop in those

stores anymore!

That bad, huh?

Uh-huh.

I was so nervous I even knocked

one manager's coffee onto his

lap!

Ooh.

It'll be okay - you'll find a

job.

Food on sticks!

Guys, I think I found the place

I was born to work at!

But what if I choke on this

interview too?

Dude, don't be such a wuss

and just stick to our strategy.

You're selling yourself.

Nothing wrong with a little

embellishment!

You mean lying.

I mean, making yourself sound

good.

They expect you to.

And if you don't, you're just

letting yourself down.

Are you sure?

Jen said the way to impress an

interviewer is to be honest and

polite.

And how's that working for

you so far?

Right.

You're the man.

Be the job, Jude, be the job.

I am so proud of that kid!

No.

No.

Ugh, no!

[Sighing]

I know I'm going to regret this.

I could hire you to work at the

Big Squeeze.

No way!

That's so awesome!

Here's your uniform.

You can change in here.

Uh, no, I'm not wearing that.

If you want to work here, you

will.

But I'll look like the

biggest loser in the mall!

No offense.

Perfect fit.

Now we can start training.

Oh, I wish I could but I am

so busy.

I have to meet my friend in an

hour for manicures.

How are you going to pay for

that manicure?

Fine, where do we start?

Let's get a head start on the

cleanup so we can leave early.

I thought we made juice here.

Can't we, like, pay someone to

do this?

J-just a minute, sir.

I know, that's what I said,

but he was like, "Fine, just

don't call me."

And I was like, I so wasn't even

going to.

No thanks, I'm good.

Right!

As if.

He's so not my type.

Hey.

Hey, what's up.

So, how'd it go guys?

Awesome!

The dude made me the manager of

Stick It!

Get out!

How did you do that??

I told him I ran two shops

already and he just gave me the

job.

Jonesey's advice totally

worked.

What'd I say?

Always trust the Jonesmeister.

Dude!

Dude.

But you've never even worked

in a store before.

You're going to be responsible

for all that food and all those

sticks?

Whoa, I'm in trouble bro.

Uh, that's brah when you're

addressing a girl, remember?

What about you, Romeo?

You got a job?

Yeah, I got a great one at

that 'fifties joint, the Soda

Hop.

Then why the long face?

I got fired ten minutes

later.

Ugh, Jonesy.

What?

How was I supposed to know the

hostess was the boss' daughter.

On the bright side, that's

probably some kind of record.

Hey, yeah, you're right!

I like her.

At least you're not in charge

of the country music section at

Spin This Music.

But you hate country music,

dude.

It's like, your mortal enemy!

They always stick the new guy

in country.

Some sort rite of passage, like

hazing fraternity pledges.

I'm sure it won't be long

before something comes up in the

normal music section.

Thanks.

I needed that.

Did you get a job?

Yes.

I don't want to talk about it.

Your first job!

Aren't you excited!

I'm bursting with fruit

flavour.

This is great.

We can all hang out together

now.

[Gasping]: Trisha!

Over here.

Trish!

Hello, it's me!

Oh, no way!

Isn't it a little early to be

shopping for Halloween costumes?

No, silly, I got a job!

Ew, why?

I'm going to prove to Daddy

that I can earn my own money.

I already know how to make

juice!

[Gasping]

Oops!

Um, I don't think we should

hang out anymore, Kate.

What... what are you talking

about?

It's nothing personal, it's

just that... you're wearing a

lemon hat, Kate, and polyester.

Sorry.

I don't get it.

She was my best friend for,

like, a whole year.

How could she do that to me?

Some friend.

What kind of person judges

someone based on their clothes,

anyway?

Okay, but I never did it to a

friend.

We had so much in common, like

shopping, and chocolate.

There are bigger friends to

fry, my friend.

Let her go.

Thanks for trying to cheer me

up.

I'm starving.

Anyone want tacos?

Yeah, I'm in.

Welcome to Wonder Taco.

Our tacos are your hunger

heroes.

Can I take your order?

I have an evil hunger brewing

inside.

Yes, what kind of food could

possibly defeat it?

A bird?

A plane?

BOTH: No, it's Wonder Tacos!

You know, I know you guys all

make fun of me 'cause I work

here.

No no no, we love Wonder

Taco.

Long live Wonder Taco.

Two tacos coming right up.

In the name of all that is

true, hurry my good woman.

[Spitting]

There you go guys.

Enjoy.

It would suck to work there,

but man they make a good taco.

[Phone ringing]

I thought we agreed, no more

calls.

Fine, I'll tell them to call

back.

[Gasping]

That's it!

I'm so done with you!

You have got to be the most

irresponsible, clumsy, spoiled

girl I've ever met!

This grapefruit has more sense

of responsibility than you!

At least it knows it's supposed

to get squished today.

I knew I should have hired that

weird Goth chick!

Masterson!

Coach?

What are you doing here?

Quiet on the field!

I heard your little temper

tantrum - very disappointing.

I thought you were Penalty Box

material, but maybe I was wrong

about you!

No you weren't.

Jen is the most patient person

I've ever met.

I have been screwing up royally

all day and she has been nothing

but nice to me, even when I

spilled grape juice on her

shoes, which actually were kind

of cute.

Jen's right - I am

irresponsible, but she's helping

me to become more like her.

You'd be lucky to have her.

All right, you've got

yourself another chance.

But you'd better fly straight!

Got it?

Sir, yes sir!

Where did that come from?

I don't know.

I just didn't want you to lose

your job over me.

That was pretty decent of

you.

You are going to keep her at

the Squeeze, aren't you?

Duh.

You're still giving me the

job?

I thought I was so fired!

Yeah, well, I don't think the

hat would fit over that Goth

chick's hair, and you're not so

bad.

Welcome to the 'hood.

So what are you up to tonight?

No, off Jonesy.

Bad boy!

All right, all right!

Oh, the hat is so bad.

At least it'll only be for a

while until I pay back my dad.

How much did you blow on his

card, anyway?

Um, whatever two Vespas cost.

And half a new spring wardrobe.

And two pairs of shoes.

Oh, and a bag.

[Laughing]: Get used to the

hat, juice girl.

You're going to be here for a

while.

Ugh, gotta go.

They want me to start training

today.

By the way, I can't believe you

actually eat at Wonder Taco.

You know that girl horks in the

food.

You mean in everyone's food?

No, only to the people she

doesn't like.

[Gagging]

Where are you working,

anyway?

Ugh, can't bear to say it out

loud yet.

Ugh, it's too horrible.

Oh, I have to see this.

Totally.

Come on.

What are we doing?

You'll see.

Travelling money, travelling

money, travelling money,

travelling money...

Welcome to the Khaki Barn

team!

ALL: Welcome to the Khaki

Barn team!

[Laughing]: No way!

I don't believe it.

ALL: Welcome to the Khaki

Barn team!

This is going to be a long

summer.

[Laughing]

♪

♪