03x05 & 03x06 - Kidnapped

[bunniefuu]

KIDNAPPED

I'm a natural woman.
A vaggie natural woman.

And that's why at the very first sign of
itching I reach for Femme cream.

Hey, I don't have time for
yeast infection.

That's why I go with Gynolubement.

- Whoa! We gotta get some of that.
- Yeah.

We don't have time for
yeast infection either.

- Holy crap!
- Whoa!

What the hell is this crap?

Oh my Gosh!

Is this, like, a joke?

- Yeah, yeah.
- I think it's safe to say that this sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.
It sucks.

I thought people usually
look cool in leather jackets.

Yeah.

What's wrong? How come these
people all look like wussies?

Sometimes it just doesn't work, Beavis.

Maybe these are, like, vinyl jackets.

No, they're leather.
You can't polish a turd, Beavis.

Yeah, I tried that once,
I got, like, some dog doo-doo,

and like, some black shoe polish,
and then I like,

tried to polish it, but it's like,
it's like, you can't polish a turd!

- That's disgusting, Beavis!
- Yeah, yeah.

I bet it was pretty cool to try, though.

- That cop should hit him.
- Yeah.

"Krokus"?

No, he's saying "cool kids".

- These are supposed to be cool kids?
- Yeah, yeah.

I'd hate to see the un-cool kids!

- This sucks!
- Yeah.

Whoa!

- It's Barbie!
- Yeah.

They oughta get some dude
without a wiener to play Ken.

Why don't you go for it, Beavis?

Shut up, Butt-Head!

This chick has more
teeth than most people.

Yeah.
Bite me!

She looks like that chick in the mall.

Chicken what?

That chick in the mall!

That chicken?
What do you mean?

No, asswipe!
I'm talking about that chick!

Oh, you mean that chick
that works at Chick-fil-A?

That chicken place?

What's your problem, Beavis?
I'm not talking about chicken!

Pull your thumb out of your ear
and put it back in your butt!

Shut up, Butt-Head!

You did talk about chicken!
You said that chicken mall!

I said that chick in the mall!

- This video is upbeat.
- Yeah.

It makes me want to
get up and beat it.

You said "up".

This makes me feel good.

This video?

No, this.

This Saturday! Sunset to sunrise

bang your head 'till your ears bleed!
At the Civic Amphitheater!

It's Slayer, Metallica,
Megadeth and Color Me Badd.

It's a lot of metal,
it's Mucho Metal!

Tickets 23 $ available at all
ticket vendor locations

Alcove Boulevard,
Fairmont...

But hurry, selling Friday!

Whoa! Hey Beavis,
your nose is bleeding.

Cool!

We're there dude! Got any money?


How about you?

I spent all my money playing Zeltar.
Got something we can sell?

Sperm?

Yeah.

Cool.

Hi Beavis. Hi Butt-Head.

The front door is open.

Anyone can come walking
into your house.

Remember the Katie Beers tragedy?

He said "beers".

Not like "beer".

Like that girl who was
kidnapped by a family

friend and locked
up under that house.

Cool!

Hey, if you two aren't careful,

you could get kidnapped too
and held for ransom.

Hey, uh... Stewart,

how much money do you parents have?

Oh, I would say more than average.

And they got 46 dollars?

Oh, even more than that.

- In fact my...
- So, uh, Stewart

do you think they ...
love you?

Of course they love me!
I'm their only son, and well--

Hey Stewart,

wanna watch TV with us?

Yeah!

Whoa!

This is great!
Hanging with you guys.

Ah, yeah.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Hey Beavis, come with me
for a second!

Choke your own chicken, dude!
What's wrong with you?

You, uh, have to...
Just come here!

No way!

What's your problem, butthole?

Whoa!

- That was pretty cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

Check it out, Butt-Head,
it's that little dude.

What are you talking about, Beavis?

Wasn't that that kid from "Webster"?

Oh, yeah.

Is this Skynyrd?

Yeah, yeah.

- This is pretty cool.
- Yeah.

Hey Arnold,
where are Willis and Kimberly?

- I wonder if they stand in the same jail.
- Yeah.

Right alongside "Danny Bonerduce".

Danny Bonaduce! Bonaduce!
Bonaduce! Bonaduce!

Check this out:
he's gonna say it.

Say it! Say it!

Say it!
Say it, bumwipe!

"Whatcha talkin' about"?

We have to call Stewart's parents now
and ask for money, remember?

Oh, oh yeah.

Here, you talking, disguise your voice.

- Hello.
- And thanks for calling.

We are not here to take your call.

But if you leave a message
at the sound of the tone

- ...we will get back to you...
- ...in two shakes of a lamb's tail!

Good, honey.

We're, like, kidnappers or something.

- And we want some... money.
- Yeah.

Call us back immediately.

That was cool.

Hi guys.

You're back just in time
for "Full House".

That uncle Joey is funny, huh?

- This sucks.
- Yeah.

We should've kidnap someone cool.

- Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!

Cool! White Zombie rules!

I saw these guys! I went to this
concert and I kicked butt down in the pit!

No you didn't. Liar.

You stood outside and tried to sneak in.

No way, Butt-Head.

Then you got your ass kicked
by that big fat bouncer

when you tried to sneak backstage.

No way Butt-Head, I'm talking
about a different time. You weren't there.

Yeah, right... liar.

Now, keep your mouth shut.
This video is cool.

Oh, yeah.

Hey Beavis, this song is called
"Welcome to planet M.F."

Yeah, yeah.
What do you think M.F. stands for?

Let's see, M.F. ....

Pretty Cool?

Yeah, yeah.
Pretty cool.

This kidnapping sucks.

Yeah.

Let's tape him to the
floor and drool on him.

Hey Beavis, you know, we could,
like, go to jail for this.

Yeah, that would be cool.

We'd have, like, lift
weights and get tattoos.

- Get the remote from him.
- Give me that!

Yeah Stewart, you can't watch and eat
at the same time, you'd get car sick.

Yeah, yeah.

Car sick.

Let's watch something cool.

Butt-Head?

Butt-Head?

Come on Butt-Head, this is
folk music. Change it!

No way.
The song gets cool later.

Come on Butt-Head, we can
watch something else

then we can change it
back when it's cool.

Dammit Beavis,
it's gonna get cool.

- Let go of your hang ups.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yes!
- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

- I told you, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, this video is cool!

Yeah.

I like that part where it goes:

Shut up Beavis!

I like it too, but you don't
have to slobber all over me.

- These guys have all done it.
- Yeah, yeah.

I bet these guys have
done it more than once.

Yeah, yeah.
That's when you're really cool.

Hey, this is really fun!

You guys up for Erkel
and some cheddar corn?

- This sucks.
- Yeah.

When's his mom gonna call?

Did I do thaaaat?

Come on over guys.

This sucks.
I can't take it anymore.

Yeah, let's call his mom.

I already called, like, this many times.

- Maybe his parents don't want him back?
- Would you?

Look! Balki!

I love him!

What do we do now?

Hey Stewart, leave!

What?

Go away!
Get out of my house!

Oh, well...

Alright, I'm gonna hit the
Star Trek convention at the Days Inn.

George "Mr. Sulu" Takei
is gonna be there.

Then I'm going to the Civic Amphitheater
for the Mucho Metal concert.

- Huh?
- Whoa!

My plate is full.

Later, amigos!

That's spanish for pals.

He's going and we're not.

I thought Mucho Metal without
Beavis and Butt-Head? No way!

Look! A frisbee!

This is a cool concert.

How come we're having such a sucky time?

These boys from Slayer really know
how to "shed". Don't they, Butt-Head?

I'm Beavis.
Cut it out!

- Dried apricot, dear?
- No, thank you.

I don't like stuff that sucks.

I know.
Let's start a wave.

Faster Beavis, someone'd like, see us.

Naughty, naughty, very naughty,
naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty.

These guys are from that
country where everything sucks.

Yeah. And they all talk like wussies.
Naughty! Very naughty!

People from that country are stupid.

"I do say, old chap,
time to choke my chicken!"

Yeah.
Bloody well right.

Slow down... slow down...
slow down.

Yeah, slow down or shut up!

Slow down.

Hey Butt-Head, I feel a seizure coming on.

- That was cool.
- Yeah.

At least something good
came out of this video.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel really badly that we got
separated from your friends, honey.

Oh, don't worry mother.

When a boy gets to be Stew's age
he can take care of himself.

Okay son, up to bed now!

We're, like, kidnappers or something.

- And we want some... money.
- Yeah.

- Call us back immediately!
- Oh, no!

Beavis and Butt-Head are being kidnapped!

Is this Stew's dad?

- We are the kidnappers.
- Disguise your voice.

Shut up Beavis!

- We want some money.
- That's cool, yeah.

Stewart's parents?

Yeah.

Hello?

Nevermind.

What's this crap?

Yeah. This chick looks like
that one porno star.

No way Beavis, that's that chick
from that Hairspray movie.

Oh, yeah.

Hey Beavis,

- this chick's real name is Deborah Harry.
- Yeah.

So, like, if you looked up
her name in the phonebook,

it would say "Harry Deborah".

How come?

I don't know, they always
put 'em backwards.

Oh, yeah.

- Look at this dork!
- Yeah.

What is this, "Battle of the Dorks?"

I think we have a winner.

I think we have a wiener.

This looks like one of those
commercials for K-tel Records.

Yeah.

Hey, Beavis! "I hear disco is
making a comeback."

Yeah.
"Just dial 1-800-WUSS!"

Whoa! Beastie
Boys are cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Check it out Butt-Head, now they
even play their own instruments!

They rock!

They rock!
They rock!

Yeah. I wish
I could rock like this.

- Look at his pants.
- Yeah, yeah.

Anderson's pants do that sometimes.

Yeah. Except he's not cool.

- Hey, who is that?
- That's like, the extra Beastie Boy.

Whoa! You mean they got,
uh... four of them now?

Yeah. Plus that guy.

Oh yeah.

Look at his face!

Yeah, yeah.
His face is cool.

If I had a face like that,

- I would, like, be pretty cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Check it out, a giraffe.
- Yeah, giraffes are cool.