03x15 - Buff 'n' Stuff

[bunniefuu]

BUFF 'N' STUFF

You are what you eat.

You got three food groups, and
they sure as hell ain't fries,

Chips Ahoy, and Milk Duds!

And you all wonder why your faces look

like topographic maps of the Himalayas!

- Well, today we're gonna talk about...
- "You are a beautiful woman".

- "You will be with me tonight".
- ... and why you should be eating it.

That was cool.

You two are pathetic
poster boys for the world

of no self-esteem. We're
gonna handle this deficiency

once and for all. That's right!
Meet me in the gym after school.

It's time to tighten up those
disgusting wickets of yours

and get down to some serious
remedial weight training.

Whoa.

Is this "The Partridge Family"?

Yeah.

I think this is Barry Manilow.

This isn't Barry Manilow.
He's blonde-haired, like me.

Yeah, and he sucks
like you too.

Yeah.

I mean, no, buttmunch.

- Boy! This is horrible!
- Yeah. And it sucks too.

Yeah! This video, like,
like, if it was a turd...

...it would like, be
like, the same thing.

Yeah. At least if this video was a
turd, it would like

- be kind of cool.
- Yeah.

- This guy sucks.
- Yeah!

And then this guy.

- Just look at him.
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What a dork!

Hey Beavis,

what happened when
Napoleon went to mount Olive?

What?

Popeye got pissed.

Get it?

Yeah.

All right, you two shameless
bags of atrophy!

I'm gonna change your life!

I think he's
starting to like us.

Yeah.

Quiet! Discipline,
gentlemen, discipline!

I talk, you listen.
Integrity! Respect!

That's self-respect, to know that
your body can rely on you

when it is hanging it out all
over the edge, and vice versa.

I remember those days on the Ho Chi Minh
trail with the mighty big red one.

Grace, my trusty
M-16 by my side.

In the jungle, boys, no one was innocent.
You got them before they got you.

I want to tell you, my
squad followed them,

flame throwing tanks into
those hostile villages,

man, it was beautiful!
Fire everywhere!

- Cool!
- Not cool, hot!

We get to those trusty little dwellings,
those poor peasants

and they looked at us like
we were the Almighty himself!

Now that's self-esteem,
gentlemen!

Strenght! Anger! Hatred!
Are you with me?

Are you with me?

I said, are
you with me!

That's it! That's it! Now let's grab
some weight and get busy!

Yeah.

Wussy.

- Shut up.
- Come on wuss.

Pitiful.

- Are you a man?
- Yeah.

What makes you think so?

I got testicles.

Yeah.

You clowns think you
are so damn funny.

You say you're a man?
Prove it.

You wanna see a man, boy?
I'll show you a man.

Kick me in the jimmy.

- No way!
- I said do it!

Yes!

Do it again!
Do it hard!

Yes!

Whoa! That was cool!

Now, get your floppy appendices
on this bar and send it up!

Chode.

Shut up.

It is hopeless!

Get this thing off of me!

Yes!

These dudes
kick-ass!

Yeah.

Let the boys
be boys...

Slam!

Slam!

Let the boys
be boys!

Slamming is cool.

Yeah.

'cause, like,
if you are at the concert and some

dude smacks you, you can
like, smack him back.

And it's like, you know, cool...

Yeah. It's like,
you can go around slamming

into people and hitting 'em.
And hitting 'em!

Yeah.

And like, the only thing they can
do about it it's, like, kick your ass.

Yeah.

That's cool.

You know, like, whenever
you see a band stage diving

it's like, pretty safe to say
that they are cool.

Yeah.

Whenever I go stage diving,
I look for chicks with big thingies

and then I jump right into 'em.

Shut up, Beavis. You never
even been to a concert.

Oh yeah.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

That was a k*ller workout.

Yeah.

"You are a
beautiful woman".

One more day, and
we'll be totally ripped.

Yeah.

Dude, you stink!
Hit the showers.

"Bathe her,
and bring her to me!"

Whoa! How does he make
that sound with his mouth?

It's easy, check it out.

That was pretty good, Beavis.

Yeah.

Thanks, I've been, like,
practicing and stuff.

This guy looks like one of those,
like, salesmen at the mall.

Yeah.

"Excuse me, may I help
you boys or something?"

"No thanks, sir, we're just
here to break stuff".

Check it out. This dude started,
like, making all these dorky faces.

Yeah.

- He's all excited about that chick.
- Yeah.

I make faces like this.

Yeah.
That's pretty cool.

Usually, like, I just make this face.