05x15 - Tainted Meat

[bunniefuu]

[both chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- I'll have two cheeseburgers, two large fries,

and a chocolate shake.

- Uh, hello?

[chuckling]

- Two cheeseburgers, two large fries,

and a chocolate shake.

- Uh, just a minute.

[chuckling]

Damn it, Beavis. Put that away.

You're not supposed to have your penis out

when you're cooking.

- Oh. Oh, yeah. [chuckling]

- Uh, so, like, uh, may I take your order?

[chuckling]

[funky rock music]

- Uh, I think this is that place

where you get, like, lemonade.

Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckling]

- And then they have, like, a bunch

of horn dogs working there. [chuckling]

- They have horn dogs?

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, you know, that's where they, like,

dip their wiener in the fryer.

- Oh, yeah, like,

every time I go to that damn place, like,

I want to get a milk shake, and they say,

"I'm sorry. The shake machine's broken."

And I think, "Damn it. It's always broken."

- Yeah.

- ♪ I can tell your feet get achy ♪

- [chuckling] Hey, check this out, Butt-Head.

Fryer, fryer, fryer.

- Beavis. [chuckling]

- Oh. Oh, yeah. [chuckling]

Fryer.

♪ ♪

Hey, that's not fair.

That kid doesn't have to wear a hairnet.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

Maybe we should get a job at this place.

- Yeah, really, it's, like-- it's, like,

they don't have to, like, pay attention to the customers.

They can just sit around and goof off.

[both chuckling]

- We could put the hairnets on our nads.

[both chuckling] - Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's what I do anyway, but, you know,

I also have to put one on my hair.

- You put a hairnet on your nads?

- Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, they're free.

[both chuckling]

♪ Hey, old minor ♪

♪ How come you're drinking red wine at Shakey's? ♪

- ♪ Hey old-timer ♪

- This is stupid.

- Yeah, really. [both chuckling]

[together] ♪ Timer ♪

- [grunting]

- Uh, what seems to be the problem there, Beavis?

[chuckling]

- My thingie itches.

It's, like, the wrong color or something.

Check it out.

- Uh, no, thanks, Beavis.

- Ow. [grunting]

[chuckles]

- I'll have a double cheeseburger,

large order of fries,

small root beer, and an apple pie.

- [grunting] - Uh, what?

- Double cheeseburger,

large order of fries, small root beer,

and an apple pie.

- [grunting] - Uh, could you, like,

get less stuff?

- Just get it. - [chuckling]

- [grunting]

- Hey, Beavis, this guy wants, like,

some burgers and some, like, food or something.

- So.

- Uh, so, like, make it.

- Yeah. [grunting]

Damn it. Ahh!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[cash register beeping]

- Uh, it's, like, uh, a dollar or something.

- [grunting] - [chuckling]

[cash register beeping]

Uh, I mean, uh, two dollars.

[chuckling]

Cool. [chuckling]

[loud thud] - [gasps]

[all gasping]

- Augh!

- Oh, my...oh.

- [retching] - I'll never eat...

- Uh, here you go, sir.

[chuckling]

Enjoy your meal.

- Yeah, yeah, come again.

- [all groaning, retching]

- [grunting, chuckling]

- At a local Burger World, an outbreak of tainted meat

has hospitalized and once again raised

the question about how meat should be handle.

- [chuckling] Ask the expert.

- Shut up, Butt-Head. - [chuckling]

- [grunting]

- Authorities say that until further notice

Burger World will remain closed.

- [grunting]

This sucks. - Yeah.

We lost our job.

- No, my wiener still itches.

- [chuckling]

- Shut up. What should I do?

- Uh, I know.

Like, think of something else.

- Yeah, um, okay.

[chuckles] - With a low of .

More rain tomorrow.

- [grunting]

- Okay, class, you have minutes to answer questions

through , mm-kay?

And...go.

- [grunting]

- Okay, now, just hold it.

Hold it right there.

- [grunting]

[camera shutter clicks]

[grunting]

- Face it, Beavis.

You have a problem with your penis.

- Yeah. What should I do?

This sucks.

- Uh, maybe you should, like, wash it or something.

- Yeah, cool.

I can, like, um, I'll, like, uh, yeah, I'll, um, with water?

No way. It'll get wet.

- Life is hard, Beavis.

- Yeah, and it sucks.

[grunting, chuckles]

[upbeat music]

- Whoa, what is that thing?

- It's the butt worm from below.

- [chuckling] Yeah.

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

- ♪ God created both of us and really wanted life right ♪

♪ You've been lookin' for a life ♪

- Whoa, check it out. He's flipping us off.

- Uh, I think that's just, like, something on his finger.

- I was thinking of having my finger made longer so that,

like, when I flip people off it gets to be, like,

really big, like everybody could see it.

[chuckling]

- Uh... - Yeah, that would rule.

- Well, if I was gonna bother with something like that

I'd just make my wiener longer.

[both chuckling] Oh, yeah.

Then you could flip people off with your wiener.

- That would rule.

- Boing! [chuckling]

Yeah, check it out.

That's like one of those things they have in the stores,

you know, where you, like,

sit there, and you stare at 'em for a real long time,

and you, like, cross your eyes, and you get all bug-eyed,

and you, like, like, look at the dots,

and then, like, it gives you a headache,

and then your eyes hurt, and you get all dizzy.

Those things are cool.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

Aren't you supposed to, like, see something?

- Yeah, yeah, like, I saw, like, um,

a bunch of dots and stuff.

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

- Check this out, Beavis.

Stare at the back side of my hand

for a really long time.

- Um, okay.

[chuckling] Yeah, this will be cool.

Whoa, I think I see something.

- Uh! - Ahh!

- [chuckling] Dumbass.

[both chuckling] - Yeah.

♪ ♪

[crickets chirping]

- Hey, Butt-Head, my wiener feels great.

It's, like, the right color again.

Check it out.

- Beavis, you bung-munch.

I don't want to see it.

- Yeah, and we got our jobs back.

- Yeah, but, like, now we have to follow

all these stupid rules.

Uh, "No...tice...

all em..."

- Um... - Uh...

- I think that's a P.

- Uh, "pl..uh...

must, uh, wash?"

[both chuckling]

Uh, yeah, hard.

I told you. [chuckling]

[dramatic music]

- Mm?

- Uh-ooh-ooh? [both chuckling]

[bouncy music]

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

- Check it out. This dumbass

is trying to mail himself.

[chuckling]

- ♪ Suppose I accidentally got my [...] together ♪

- Ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

- Beavis, cut it out, Beavis.

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

- Damn it, Beavis. Cut it out.

- ♪ Dow, da-dow, da-dow-dow, dow ♪

- Uh... [chuckling]

That would be cool if, like, I could,

like, mail myself.

Like, put a stamp on my butt and say, like,

"Take me to somewhere cool."

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

♪ Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow, dow-dow-dow ♪

- Beavis, shut up.

[chuckling]

- ♪ Higher, dow, da-dow-dow-dow-dow ♪

♪ Dow, dah-dah-dah-dah ♪ - Beavis, can you hear me?

Shut up.

- ♪ Bow, bah-bah-bah-bah ♪ - Shut up, Beavis.

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow ♪ - Beavis,

if you don' stop that right now,

I'm gonna smack you upside the head.

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

♪ Would still be there with you ♪

- I'm gonna give you three seconds, Beavis.

- ♪ Dow, da-dow, da-dow ♪

- What the hell's the matter with you, Beavis?

- ♪ Dow, ba-wa-wa-wa ♪

Ow!

♪ Ba-dow-dow-dow-dow ♪

- Beavis, can you hear me?

Shut up. - Ahh! Ow!

♪ Ba-dow-dow-dow-dow ♪

- Remember that time you turned that jack-in-the-box

into a crap-in-the-box?

[chuckling]

That was cool.

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

- Uh, Beavis?

- ♪ Bow, ba-bow, ba-bow, ba-bow-bow, bow ♪

- Beavis.

- ♪ Higher higher ♪

- Beavis, what's your problem, Beavis?

I said stop it.

- Dow-dow-dow-dow ♪

♪ Bow-ba-dow ♪

- ♪ Bow-bam-bam, buh-buh-buh-bam ♪

♪ Buh-bah-buh-buh ♪ - [chuckling]

♪ Bow-bow-bow, buh-buh-buh-buh ♪

♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ ♪

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪