04x04 - The Mouse That Soared

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "L.A. Law"...

You're now asking that all these people believe

that you went to Nina's apartment

on the day she was k*lled, you had sexual intercourse,

she told you she had someone else,

you kissed her goodbye and you left.

And then a short time later some unknown, unseen person

showed up and b*at her to death.

That's exactly what happened.

Because you're incapable of m*rder?

Yes.

Incapable of brute force?

Yes, I'm not a brute.

I am a professor of Russian literature.

That doesn't mean you're not a savage k*ller.

I am not a savage.

I'm not a wild beast,

no matter what you would like these people to believe.

No matter how you see me,

I am a human being and I did not k*ll anyone!

Who is that?

That's Hamilton Skyler!

He's a gifted trial lawyer.

They call him Mighty Mouse.

Victor, you're going up against Mighty Mouse.

In the matter of the People vs. Earl Williams,

Criminal Complaint number ,

we the jury find the defendant, Earl Williams,

guilty of m*rder in the first degree.

We further find special circumstances to exist,

namely that the m*rder involved the infliction

of extreme physical pain.

♪♪

Two.

I appreciate you coming down here on such short notice.

I figure if you're going to jump in and represent us,

might as well see it for yourself.

Will you look at this place?

You haven't seen anything yet.

Oh, good, they've just started.

This way, gentlemen.

This is what we want to stop.

All right, we got a taker, we got a taker.

Let help him out here.

All right, one, two, three!

All right, all right,

let's hear it for the little guy!

Can he fly or what?

I tell you folks, pound for pound we got

the best athletes in the world right here!

Did you see that little guy hop right up?

Come on, folks, let's help him out!

One, two, three!

You see?

You've got to help us shut this down.

Mr. Stevens, we couldn't possibly be prepared

to start a trial tomorrow.

Let's go back here.

These guys are alive! They walk, they talk
-
-

We need you.

They brought in this hired g*n dwarf lawyer at the last minute.

Mr. Sifuentes is the only lawyer in town who knows him.

Hamilton Skyler?

Yeah, flew him up from Texas. They call him...


-Mighty mouse.
-Mighty mouse, right.

He's defending this place?

Guess they figure it's a pretty good strategy

to have a dwarf on their side.

We're told you went up against him and b*at him.

Yeah, well, we actually settled.

Look, we know how good he is.

It's very simple, it's a straight nuisance action.

We're claiming he's disrupting the quiet enjoyment of our property.

But this is all so last minute, Mr. Stevens.

We'll pay you any retainer you require.

Money is not a problem.

What's that?

Oh, you got to look at this, it's their latest gimmick.

You're not going to believe this.

Dwarf bowling!

Dwarf bowling!

[ laughing ]

What the hell was that?

It was a spare.

♪♪

♪♪

People vs. Earl Williams.

Michael, I understand an appeal's been filed.

That's right.

On what grounds, Michael?

Reliability of DNA testing.

Unfair surprise by the district attorney.

Abuse of discretion for not calling a mistrial.

You name it, this one begs to be overturned.

Well, since Mr. Williams' outstanding bill

now exceeds $,,

might I suggest we postpone our appeal efforts

until some of it has been collected?

You may not.

We're throwing money away. The cost of an appeal
-
-

Move on, Douglas.

Douglas, why don't you move on?

Fine.

Stevens et al vs. Riley's Pub.

Mine.

Mighty Mouse flies again.

So this is really true?

A bunch of drunks flipping munchkins?

Oh, yeah, it's big business.

It started in Australia,

and it spread to England

and now its in Florida and California.

They expect to have it in over bars nationwide.

This is sick.

What's next, crosswalk races for the blind?

Have you spoken to Mighty Mouse?

This morning. He won't settle.

What's new? So we start the trial today.

By the way, guys, since I'm taking this on,

I really would appreciate it if somebody would take on

this bad date trial.

Forget it, Victor.

Oh, no you don't.

I'm doing back to back trials here.

Come on, let's show a little support.

You've been trying to unload that dog for a month.

Mike, what do you say?


-Don't look at me.
-I'll do it.

No, I'm serious. I'd love to do it.

You're not a litigator, Stuart.

Well, I don't want to spend my whole life as a lawyer

without doing at least one trial.

And this is a pretty simple case, right?

It's a crazy woman suing a dating service over bad dates.

Even I could defend that.

I mean, what could I possibly screw up?

I think the client would be more likely to expect

one of our regular litigators on this.

With all due respect, Leland.

your regular litigators are scoffing at it.

I think the client would like to see the case in the hands

of a lawyer who took it seriously.

Please.

Excuse me, Leland,

I think he can do it.

Me, too.

Your case, Stuart.

All right.

I got myself a trial.

Hi, Elizabeth.

I'm going to have to borrow a secretary,

mine doesn't know anything about litigation.

Excuse me Michael, there's a guy here who needs to see you.

He says he's got information on the Nina Corry m*rder

and he says it's real important.

All right, so what is this information?

My cousin lives in Nina Corry's building.

Who's your cousin?

Howie Newman.

I already talked to him,

he was away on vacation at the time of the k*lling.

Yeah, I know he was away on vacation, sport.

I was staying in his apartment.

And?

And I was there when the chick got it.

I'm listening.

I saw who did it.

Right after the screaming stopped I looked out the window

and I saw this black dude running out of the building.

How do you know it wasn't Earl Williams?

Because I know the dude, that's how.

He's a whacked out pipe head named Pinto.

They call him that on account he's got these

white patches all over his skin,

Well, why the hell didn't you come forward

with this before?

Because I sell rock cocaine for a living, that's why.

I sell it, I smoke it.

Man, I don't want anything to do with cops.

Not cops, not district attorneys, not nothing.

So what are you doing here now?

I got busted again.

This time I want a lawyer like you, I figured maybe

the two of us could work something out.

You're lying.

Hey... I ain't lying, man.

I saw what I saw and I can clear your guy.

You just got to help me out.

I'm not making any deals with you until I'm satisfied

you're telling me the truth.

How are you going to get satisfied?

Lie detector test.

I'll set it up, you pass it,

and I mean pass it with flying colors,

you got yourself a lawyer.

All right.

I'm going to pass it, Mr. Kuzak,

because I saw what I saw.

What do you mean, I'm traded?

It's just temporary, Rox.

My case load is light and Stuart needs a secretary

with some litigation experience.

So you put me on waivers.

What'd you get for me, Arnie?

Don't take it personally.

I'd never give you up, you know that.

It's a couple of weeks at most.

I don't want to work for him.

I thought you liked Stuart.

I do...

It's just that sometimes he can be kind of a nudge.

Nudge?

He's so particular.

Everything has got to be just so.

I'm afraid he's going to drive me nuts.

Don't be silly, he's going to be a lot easier on you than I am.

[ knocking ] Hi.

Roxanne, I'm thrilled you're going to be

helping me out on this.

You have no idea what a secure feeling it gives me.

Thank you.

So, when you have a minute,

I'd like you to go through all the pleadings,

and I want to color code them

with these index tabs so I can, you know,

distinguish them easily during the trial.

We'll use blue for pre
-trial proceedings

except for discovery, which we'll use yellow.

And then for legal memorandum

orange and for rulings and motions in limine, green.

Except for adverse rulings, we use half
-green, half
-red.

Kind of cut them in half and scotch tape them together,

I'll show you how to do it.

And then we'll sit down and alphabetize our witnesses.

I've got this idea on how to use graphics in our exhibits,

I'll show ya.

Great. Thanks again, Arnie.

Black, right?

Right, same as always.

So, tell me, what's going on?

Well... about two months ago,

Amy found out she was pregnant.

My God, how old is she now?

She's .

? Just yesterday she was .

It has been a while.

Anyway, she thought about it,

we talked about it.

We talked about it some more,

and she decided she was going to have an abortion.

So the morning we went down there was

a save the babies demonstration at the clinic

and they're holding up photographs

and they're yelling "don't k*ll your baby,

don't k*ll your baby."

Oh, boy.

I could feel Amy starting to shake.

And when we got inside,

she just broke down and sobbed.

When we left, they're still outside.

Only this time they were worse.

They're screaming right in her face,

"m*rder*r! m*rder*r!"

"Baby k*ller! Butcher!"

Oh, Connie.

Since that day,

I just sit and hold her every night.

She sees those bastards screaming at her

every time she shuts her eyes.

Is there anything I can do?

I want to sue them.

Sue them?

Emotional distress. Mental anguish.

Anything you can think of.

I'm not in this for the money, Anne.

I just want to take them on.

You haven't changed a bit.

I don't know.

Maybe this is the wrong time to be asking you this.

Will you represent me?

Yes.

Yes, I will.

Okay, we're ready for our opening statements.

Mr. Sifuentes.

You're honor, I'd like a sidebar.

Objection.

You're objecting to his request for a sidebar?

Yes, Your Honor.

It is Mr. Skyler's practice

to call the sidebar so that he can approach the bench

and stand tip
-toe on his trial bag

in order to evoke laughter and sympathy from the jury.

He then seeks to shame the jury for their laughter

and manipulate their sympathies to his advantage.

That's why I object.

What I object to is his blatant assumption

that I'm an object of sympathy.


-Mr. Skyler...
-I didn't say that.

That's exactly what's at stake here, the attitude

that small people are to be pitied.

Mr. Skyler...

You need not feel sorry for me, ladies and gentlemen.

You need not feel sorry

for any dwarf that chooses to be tossed.

Here he goes, making speeches already.

And here you go, attacking me already.

All right, the both of you. Stop right now.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.

Could we please note his abuse for the record?

No, I will not.

Both of you, in my chambers, now.

What the hell is this?

He has a tendency of making himself an issue, Your Honor.

And I have to neutralize that.

Again I am under att*ck, first in court, now in chambers.

This man is a dwarf bigot, judge.

Hey!

Now I know you too have a history together,

but I'll expect you to conduct yourselves responsibly

and professionally while you're in my courtroom.

Without the antics.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir.

Yes, Your Honor.

Good. Let's go.

Some people never change.

It was a mistake to object to the sidebar, Victor.

Picking on a person as little as me.

You know, when you exploit your size like that,

you're not better than those dwarves getting tossed in the bar.

Except in the courtroom, I get to do the tossing.

I am going to b*at you this time.

Loser buys dinner.

That's a bet.

You're dead meat.

Dream on, tallboy.

Were you present at Lynbrook

in the city of Los Angeles on November th, ?

Yes.

Did you observe an individual known to you as Pinto

run out of the Lynbrook apartment house

on November th?

Yes.

Is your name Philip Michael Holden?

Yes.

Is your mother's name Francine?

Yes.

Had you heard a young woman screaming immediately

prior to seeing this individual fleeing the scene?

Yes.

Were you born in Fresno, California?

Yes.

Is your father's name Carl?

No.

Are you under the influence of any narcotic substance?

No.

Have you ever lied to your attorney?

Yes.

Thank you, Mr. Holden We're finished.

Would you mind waiting outside?

Not at all.

Well, what do we got?

I'd say you've got a guy who's telling the truth.

And they have these contests to see

who can throw them the farthest.

It's terrible.

I run a respectable restaurant.

I try to cultivate a certain clientele.

You look across the street

and see them sh*t
-putting midgets.

So you and the other merchants in the neighborhood

decided to bring this nuisance action.

Well, we had to.

The influx of the crowds was causing noise pollution,

the streets were congested. It caused vandalism.

We all suffered property damage the weekend

of the championship.

This is our town, and having it associated

with an event as depraved as this

make us all look bad.

What they're doing is cruel.

It's devoid of all human decency,

and demeans our entire community.

Thank you very much, sir, I have nothing further.

Why is it you find dwarf tossing

so depraved, Mr. Stevens?

When a person's physicality is exploited

for amusement and profit, I find that depraved.

I see.

Well, could you tell us about the wet t
-shirt contest

sponsored by Silver Street Tavern last year?

That's a little different.

Are you telling the court

that as this bar right next to your restaurant

had big breasted women

strutting around in soaking, clinging undershirts,

they weren't exploiting physicality

for amusement and profit?

It's still different.

They were not ridiculing the girls.

Oh, no, they were exalting them with honor.

If anything, they were exploiting

their physical attractiveness.

What they do is exploit an abnormality

and that's wrong.

What about the circus, Mr. Stevens?

They employ dwarves for amusement and profit.

Are you going after the Ringling Brothers next?

The circus is different, too. They don't mistreat the dwarfs.

Oh, so it is okay to exploit them for profit

as long as you don't mistreat them?

Your Honor, he is badgering.

Tell me, Mr. Stevens, who should be the arbiter

of whether a dwarf is being mistreated,

you or the dwarf?

A human being is picked up and thrown.

That is mistreatment, pure and simple.

Going back to the circus,

clowns are sh*t out of cannons,

is that depravity to you?

It's still not the same.

But I'm sure if they sh*t dwarves out of cannons,

you'd come running to the rescue, wouldn't you?

How lucky we are to have you.

That's enough, Mr. Skyler.

Uh
-oh, the judge has just reprimanded a dwarf lawyer.

Go get him, Mr. Stevens.


-Objection!
-Sustained.

I have nothing further.

Except of course to say, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Mr. Skyler, that's enough.

You buzzed, Stuart?

Yeah, Rox, I need you to send a letter to opposing counsel.


-Another one?
-Mhmm.

I need to confirm his witnesses.

He said he'd notified the court

and I have seen no such notification.

Okay.

And I need you to mark up this motion in limine.

Okay.

They want to introduce her dating video as evidence.

It's totally irrelevant.

I'll file it this afternoon.

Good, oh, and uh,

did you mark out that motion for sanctions?

This morning.

Good. File this with that as a new combined motion.

That way I only have to make one court appearance.

Good.

Oh, and Rox?

You've got a favorable court ruling here

with a blue tab on it.

You know, the blue tabs are...

We'll do that later.

Great.

Okay, okay, okay.

What's next?

[ humming ]

We've got a real problem, Leland.

What?

Anne's taken on a case that puts us four square

on the pro
-choice side of the abortion mess.

And?

And we have clients who will run from us like the plague.

Oh, I don't know that that's true, Douglas.

Tell me,

what's the upside of taking the chance?

The upside, Douglas, is that Anne Kelsey is a partner here.

And I'm sure that this is something she feels rather strongly about.

No doubt.

No doubt she'll attend to it with her customary zeal.

And mark my words, when the dust settles,

we'll all be picking the shrapnel out of our bank accounts.

Who exactly are the clients you're concerned about?

I'm concerned about Pollstar.

I'm concerned about McKaren.

I'm concerned about all of them.

Well, let me sound a few of them out on the subject.

Leland, you'll spook them just by bringing it up.

Douglas, when I need guidance from you

on how to communicate with a client,

I'll ask you for it.

Let me know what you find out.

I don't care if it's legal or illegal.

What I'm saying is that throwing a dwarf

is medically life threatening.

Is it more dangerous than tossing a normal sized person?

Oh, very much so.

Achondroplastic dwarves have extremely fragile spines.

There's an abnormal bone structure,

and the spinal cord itself is very inflexible.

A trauma to this area could cause sudden paralysis

or permanent neurological damage.

Is it your opinion, then, doctor,

that this practice is unsafe?

In my opinion, this practice borders on criminal negligence.

Objection.

That's a legal conclusion. This man is not a lawyer.

Sustained.

The last remark is stricken.

Thank you, doctor.

I have nothing further.

Doctor, you say you're opposed to dwarf tossing

on a safety level?

Yes, that's correct.

Have you ever known a dwarf

to suffer this sudden paralysis or neurological damage

as a result of being tossed?

Well, it's only a matter of time before
-
-

Yes or no, doctor?

No. I haven't seen it happen yet.

And on a safety level, which would you say is more life threatening,

dwarf tossing or skydiving?

Well, obviously skydiving.

And in fact, when we talk about football,

skiing, ice hockey, boxing, car racing,

all these sports pose a much greater thr*at

of injury than do dwarf tossing, don't they?

Statistically speaking, that's true.

Then how is it you advocate the banning of dwarf tossing

when you advocate no such ban

on these far more dangerous activities?

Well...

These other sports you mention all have

some redeeming athletic value.

The only point to dwarf tossing is cruelty.

And increased liquor consumption.

That is not a safety argument, is it?

That's a matter of policy.

Well, maybe it is, but when you consider...

But doctor, you expressly stated you were opposed

to all this on a level of safety.

Now, were you confused, or were you just lying?

I do oppose it on a safety level.

Then how come you don't oppose football?

Well, football is legitimate sport.

Thank you, doctor for that expert medical conclusion.

Nothing further.

Tomorrow, we go to court and we move for a new trial.

Then it's up to the judge, right?

Right. She'll have an evidentiary hearing,

Holden will testify, and then she'll rule.

What do you think she'll do?

I don't know.

The jury would never have convicted Earl

if they had heard this man, right?

Well, it's hard to say.

But what do you think?

I think it would have made a difference.

But Jackie, that in itself might not be enough

for her to give us a new trial.

I think she will.

I'm not going to say anything to the kids,

but I think she will.

Just when you're sure that there's no way,

a way is shown.

Let's hope this is the way out.

I appreciate what you're doing.

Well, I'm just doing what a lawyer does.

Yeah, well, a lawyer sends a bill.

We'll work that out, Jackie.

Anyway, thanks.

♪♪

What did you do when you heard all this screaming, Mr. Holden?

I'm ashamed to say I didn't do anything.

It wasn't until after it stopped

and I heard someone running away

that I went to the window.

And what exactly did you see when you

looked out of the window?

I saw this guy running, running fast.

Is that the man you saw?

No.

You sure?

Yeah, I know the guy I saw running.

He hung out in MacArthur Park.

He was black, right, but he had these white patches

all over his arms and neck.

Everyone called him Pinto.

I have no further questions, Your Honor.

But at this time I would like to submit an affidavit

signed by Detective Edward Fowler

of the Los Angeles Police Department

confirming that there is, in fact, a man whose street name

is Pinto, whose real name is Ronald Sewell,

and who has a skin condition known as Impetigo,

which is exactly what we have heard described here.

Marked submitted.

Miss Flanagan?

Your Honor, I would also like to submit

the results of a polygraph test taken by Mr. Holden.

I'm not stipulating to any polygraph tests, Your Honor.

That's that, then. It's inadmissible.

Well, in the alternative Mr. Holden would be willing

to submit to another polygraph supervised by the prosecution.

The prosecution's not interested in polygraphs, Your Honor.

Both sides have to agree, Mr. Kuzak.

Miss Flanagan, you can proceed.

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr. Holden?

Objection!

Credibility of the witness is an issue

making this line of questioning totally relevant.

The objection is overruled.

I'll ask you again:

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr. Holden?


-Yes, I have.
-Had you been smoking it

on the day that you saw Pinto running across the parking lot?

Your Honor...

Mr. Kuzak, sit down.

Had you been smoking it on that day?

No, I don't believe I was.

Does that mean you're not sure?

I'm sure of what I saw.

You ever sell cr*ck, sir?

I think I might just take the fifth on that one.

But the fact is you were recently arrested

for selling it, weren't you?

Innocent until proven guilty, right?

This time.

You've been proven guilty twice in the past.

Yeah, all right. I've been proven guilty twice.

In the past.

You offered your services as a confidential informant

to the police.

Objection! Relevance.

That has nothing to do with this case.

It goes directly to the reliability of the witness.

Objection overruled.

You were the informant used to get an arrest warrant

on Ronnie James, were you not?

Yeah, that was me.

And that case was thrown out of court

because you proved to be totally unreliable.

Isn't that right?

I don't know.

I didn't really follow it, to tell you the truth.

Documentation will be made available to the court.

Tell us, what is Mr. Kuzak offering you

in exchange for this testimony?

Nothing.

Is that what Mr. Kuzak will tell me when I put him on the stand?


-Objection!
-Overruled.

What is Mr. Kuzak giving you for this testimony?

He agreed to be my lawyer on the bust.

So you lied just now when you said nothing, didn't you?

He isn't giving me anything,

he's just going to be my lawyer.

Well, Your Honor, this is pure sham.

He's a liar and Mr. Kuzak's enticed him to come forward.

I object to that, this man came forward on his own.

Oh, out of the goodness of his heart, I know.

He has material information, Your Honor.

Material lies.

He's a b*rned out junkie looking to cut a deal.

Objection!

Hey, maybe I'm a lowlife, but I know what I saw.

Pinto was on the pipe, he k*lled the girl.

That guy there had nothing to do with it.

I'll take this matter under advisement.

We're adjourned.

Mr. Creeland, approximately how many times

would you say you've been tossed?

Probably well into the thousands.

Have you ever suffered injury as a result of this activity?

No, never.

I guess the question on most people's minds is

why do you consent to all this?

$ a night.

As a plumber's assistant, I was lucky if I made $ a day.

Don't you find it all rather demeaning?

Demeaning is not being able to pay my rent.

or buy braces for my son's teeth.

This job gives me financial security.

It allows me to proved for my family.

I don't want to throw all this away

just because some tall people feel sorry for me.

These tall people, they're just trying to help.

Well, let them help the homeless.

Or somebody that needs help.

Nothing further.

Mr. Creeland, what are the patrons in the bar

doing as you're getting tossed, sir?

They're having a good time.

Mm
-hmm. They're laughing?

Yeah.

Laughing at you?

I don't know.

But I don't really care.

Well, Mr. Creeland could you make room for the possibility

that these people laugh at you because

they consider you a freak?

It's possible, but like I said, I really don't care.

Yes. You mentioned your son, sir, how old is he?

He's eight years old.

You ever take him to work

to show him how daddy makes a living?

Objection, this line of questioning
-
-

He says he's not ashamed of what he does,

and I'm just crossing him on that.

The objection is overruled. The witness may answer.

I can't take an eight year old boy into a bar.

Well, does he even know what you do for a living, sir?

No, he doesn't know.

Well, why not? Most fathers tell their kids

all about their jobs.

Objection, this is abusive.

What is abusive? I am just talking about his great job.

The objection is overruled.

Why haven't you told your son

what you do for a living, Mr. Creeland?

Wouldn't he be proud to see his father getting tossed around,

getting laughed at, or could it be that he might be ashamed?

Why don't you shut up?

Which is worse, Mr. Creeland?

If he were ashamed, or if he wanted to grow up just like you?

I said shut up!

Mr. Creeland, that'll do.

And you, too, Mr. Sifuentes.

I have nothing further.

Le the jury take not of the witnesses sense of dignity.


-Objection.
-Withdrawn.

Hey, Rox.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

Just savoring my seven and a half minute break

before I begin to rebind the deposition transcripts.

You're going to rebind transcript?

Of course.

How could anyone possibly go in to court

with deposition pages that don't turn crisply?

It's almost as bad as miscolored pleadings.

Stuart's trial.

I have filed seven motions

and sent letters to opposing counsel

in the last three days.

Well...

being meticulous is one of the reasons he's a good lawyer.

I know.

What's with the secret meeting?

Beats me.

They all filed in there about ten minutes ago.

Something's up.

I am not proud of this.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have never bowed

to political pressure.

Then why do it now?

Because this is different.

Abortion is different.

Anne, I know of two major clients

who view our taking on this case

as fundamentally altering the nature of this firm,

and both have made it very clear they'll leave.

Which given our current financial woes

we can ill afford.

We represent right to lifers, then pro choice clients would leave.

Which is exactly why we stay out of it altogether.

Michael can represent murderers and rapists

with the full support of the firm.

I want to represent a dear friend and I'm told no.

We don't run the risk of being labeled

pro m*rder or pro r*pe, Anne.

So we'll just shut our eyes and play it safe.

What is wrong with playing it safe?

It's commonly known as cowardice, Arnie.

Excuse me, I don't accept that characterization.

What's more, I resent it.

We have no business involving ourselves

in this controversy

when there's so much passion on both sides.

I am involved, Douglas.

I'm a woman.

I'm involved, and that passion is my passion.

Now you may choose to ignore it,

but you will never make it go away.

Well, we have heard evidence of the vandalism.

We've heard evidence of the street congestion,

and most of all we have heard what a terrible stain

this activity casts on the entire neighborhood.

Now, every time they toss a dwarf,

they're saying it's okay to humiliate a person

just because of the way he looks.

Every time they roll a dwarf down a bowling alley,

they're saying it's okay to abuse someone

because he is different.

Well, it is not okay.

This is no different, ladies and gentlemen,

then if the started throwing black people

and promoting it as n*gg*r tossing

or if they decided to throw me down a bowling alley

and called is spic bowling.

And even if the black person agrees to be thrown,

even if I consent to be bowled,

those activities become no less repulsive.

No, because bigotry can never be ratified

by the victim's consent.

That just makes is more pathetic.

What they are doing is depraved.

They are singling out a class of people

and designating them

as objects of ridicule and disrespect.

And I don't care how much they make people laugh

and I don't care how much money they make.

That is discrimination.

Throw them through the air, have a beer.

Watch that little guy sail, smile, have another brewski.

And help remind the world that dwarfs should never be taken seriously.

They're not real people.

They're just cheap labor for the freak show.

Only an attorney as brilliant as Mr. Sifuentes

could lend such plausibility

to an argument so devoid of merit.

That stuff about throwing blacks or bowling Hispanics,

it's a gifted analogy, but totally misplaced.

We have civil rights laws

that would prohibit n*gg*r tossing or spic bowling,

but there is no such legislation that applies to dwarfs,

and Mr. Sifuentes also very wisely omitted

the safety argument in his closing

undoubtedly because he knows how ridiculous it is.

Not one dwarf has been hurt in my client's bar.

And the sport is certainly far less dangerous

than football or boxing

or other American pastimes we embrace so willingly.

No, their whole case comes down to the premise that

dwarf tossing is cruel and depraved,

this despite the fact that no tossed dwarf has ever

come forward with a complaint.

Rather, it is the tall enlightened people

who find it so offensive,

and therein, ladies and gentlemen,

lies my complaint:

the prejudice can be found in the assumption

that little people need protection,

that little people are not competent

to make the choices.

We don't know what to do so you'll

prescribe for us what we should do.

I am an attorney.

I became an attorney because I wanted to

and because it is my right.

It is also my right to become a human projectile

if I wanted to,

and if you limit that right in my best interests,

you limit my freedom to make the choice.

You erode my autonomy.

You demean my individuality,

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is a far greater detriment

to self esteem than being thrown around in some bar.

Now, whatever you do,

when you go back into that jury room,

don't you dare feel sorry for us.

Take it from me, we'll take your ridicule

over your pity any time.


-Hi.
-Hi.

What's up?

I can't do it.

All right.

My firm is worried about the effect on some of their other clients.

And they told me I can't take the case.

If you can't, you can't.

We're a small firm and I guess they feel we can't

be identified quite so much with the issue.

What about you?

I am a partner, I have to abide by their decision.

Well, what I mean is can you afford

to be identified with the issue?

Connie, if it were up to me I'd take the case.

I guess it just didn't occur to me

that it wasn't up to you.

There's no reason that it should have.

You didn't know that I'd turned into just another meek aging yuppie

who talks a good game and in the end does what she's told.

I don't think of you as meek.

And I don't think of you as a yuppie.

And I certainly don't think of you as aging.

Well, I know you're wrong about the last one.

Anne, you're my friend.

That hasn't changed ,okay?

Okay.

Anyway, you should probably be thinking

about that little one inside you.

Abby, come here, look.

Look at this, these are the guys my client

matched up with the plaintiff.

Hey, come on, they're not so bad.

Are they all living?

I'm going to use this as an exhibit, too.


-Which reminds me, Rox?
-What, Stuart?

Yeah, I need you to notify court and opposing counsel about our new exhibit.


-I'll get right on it.
-Great.

She is great.

Stuart, can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

You're filing way too many motions

and sending too many letters to counsel.

What do you mean?

What, did Rox complain or something?

No, no. Roxanne didn't complain,

I just see what she's been doing the last few days.

Stuart, this is not a big case.

In fact, this is a very small case,

and when the other side sees you making such a big deal out of it,

they're going to think you don't have anything better to do.

They're going to read you as inexperienced,

they won't be quick to settle.

The judge will also read you as inexperienced,

and when the jury sees that,

you won't carry as much weight with them.

Take it from me, former victim.

I was just being thorough.

You're being too thorough.

Prepare your case, yeah,

but if you're too over
-anxious,

everybody's going to smell a novice.

Okay.

Okay.

Abby?

Thanks.

Sounds like you're ready, Stuart.

Oh, I can't wait.

[ laughing ]

Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

What say you?

In the matter of Stephens et al vs. Riley's Pub,

we find that the complained of activities do not rise

to the level of nuisance,

and therefore return in favor of the defendant.

Oh, baby, yeah.

They get to keep doing this?

I'm afraid so.

I've listened to the testimony of Philip Holden.

I've listened to it carefully.

To warrant my setting aside the jury's verdict

and ordering a new trial,

Mr. Holden needs to be credible.

He wasn't even close.

He waited long enough before coming forward

with his purported new information

so as to seriously call in to question his motives

for coming forward at all.

He's a long
-time drug addict

and he's been adjudged wholly unreliable in the past.

I've seen nothing here to cause me to think that he's changed.

Accordingly, your motion for a new trial is denied, Mr. Kuzak.

The jury's verdict stands.

Court dismissed.

Your Honor, I don't see
-
-

Put it in your appellate brief, sir, I'm not hearing any

oral argument now.

Your Honor, what do I have to do to make you see?

Will you get out of my chambers?

I am watching a man get ground up

in this great system of ours

because no
-one is willing to believe that maybe,

maybe things are not what they seem.

Your being here constitutes ex parte communication.

I don't care what it constitutes,

I'm tried of having my witnesses

dismissed as liars.

Mr. Kuzak, I'll tell you one more time.

Okay, what am I supposed to tell my client?

Phil Holden wasn't respectable enough

so you can kiss this life goodbye?

Will you send a court officer in, please?

Just what is number one on your list?

Getting at the truth, or getting things done?

You're in contempt, sir.

You're damn right I'm in contempt.

I am staring at someone who would send a man to his death

so she can clear off her desk, and I am positively in contempt.

Jean, I'd like Mr. Kuzak here placed under arrest.

Let him cool off an hour or so behind bars.

Aren't you tough?

Law and order uber alles.

A few innocent ones get caught in the net,

that's just the price we have to pay, right?

Get him out of here, Jean. I don't have time for this.

Aren't you tough?

What now, Michael?

You sure look like a trial lawyer, Stuart.

Yeah, well, that's... that's half of it, I'm told.

Right.

Come on, let's go. We have an : reservation.

Stuart, did you ever think what it would be like to

run our own little peanut stand?

What do you mean?

I mean, instead of McKenzie
-Brackman,

Kelsey and Markowitz?

How come your name comes first?

Alphabetical.

Yeah, right.

Really, though.

You could be the kind of lawyer you want to be.

And I could be the kind of lawyer I want to be.

Sounds great. Question is, could we earn a living?

I don't know.

But it just strikes me that

we only have a certain number of productive years,

and I don't think I want to spend them all

toiling in someone else's vineyard.

Well, I...

I don't guess there's any reason you have to.

I don't know about this place, Stuart.

I really don't.

And as soon as I saw their faces,

I knew. I knew I was b*at.

Well, Sifuentes, how many times have I told you,

you're much too tall.

He should cut his legs off.

We could go into practice together.

Hamilton, that's sick.

I'm going to the little girl's room.

Why don't you two wrap up the shop talk

so we can have a decent conversation when I get back?


-Okay.
-Will do.

She's terrific.

She's absolutely contagious, isn't she?

Yeah.

So is there something serious going on here?

Well, I wouldn't mind, but I've only known her an hour and a half.

What are you talking about, you just met her?

She's a call girl.

Oh.

Are you shocked?

I'm not shocked, I'm not.

Maybe surprised.

Why, because she's so lanky?

Forget about dwarf hookers, Victor,

they're much too expensive.

Anyway, there's only about three in the whole world.

See, there you go.

You're always deflecting everything.

Oh, come on, don't start playing shrink with me.

Well...

Do you have a family, Hamilton?

What's that got to do with anything?

I don't know. Do you love anybody?

What the hell kind of questions are these?

They're just questions.

Have you loved somebody?

Are you going to make a pass at me?

No. Seriously.

Have you?

Yeah, I loved a woman once.

Six years ago, I let myself fall in love.

What happened?

Well, the same as happens in most relationships, I guess.

One day, you wake up and the passion is gone.

you discover you don't really know each other anymore

and, then um...

She gets embarrassed to be with a man

who's only '" tall.

I know what feelings are about, Victor.

Still, I win my cases, I get rich,

I surround myself with luxury,

I got out with beautiful women,

I've got no complaints.

Sorry, I took so long.

What happened to you? I was expecting a ransom note.

Isn't he adorable?

I was born that way, what can I say?

I'm having such a good time.

Of course you are, life is good.

Life is great.

Here's to happiness.

To happiness.

♪♪