( dramatic music
playing )
Man:
THIS IS THE COSMOS
AS WE KNOW IT.
YOUR PLANET, THE EARTH,
THIRD FROM YOUR SUN.
AND PAST EARTH,
MARS, JUPITER, SATURN,
NEPTUNE, URANUS
AND PLUTO.
AND BEYOND THAT,
FAR, FAR OFF...
NO, NO, FURTHER.
FARTHER.
W-- WAIT, WOO--
W-- THERE!
AT THE VERY EDGE
OF THE GALAXY
IS OUR WORLD,
THE TINY PLANET KNOWN
AS SPENGO.
FOR MANY DECADES, I WAS
THE KING OF THIS PLANET.
PEOPLE WERE HAPPY
AND THEIR LIVES WERE GOOD.
BUT ALSO, ALAS, WE WERE
A PLANET OF IDIOTS.
THEN, ONE DAY,
THE MOST EVIL, BLOODTHIRSTY,
FEARSOME VILLAIN
OUR PLANET HAD EVER SEEN
SEIZED POWER,
IMPRISONED ME
AND RENAMED THE PLANET
AFTER HIMSELF.
HIS NAME?
TOD SPENGO.
( grunts )
ALL RIGHT, HELP ME UP!
HURRY UP!
ALL RIGHT, LET GO!
WELL, ALL RIGHT, SO HE'S
NOT EXACTLY FEARSOME,
BUT HE CERTAINLY
CAUGHT US BY SURPRISE.
GENERAL AFIR!
HOW MUCH LONGER?
THE DEATH RAY IS READY,
GREAT ONE.
EXCELLENT!
King:
DID I MENTION WE WERE
A PLANET OF IDIOTS?
( both grunt )
OPEN THE DOME!
( gears turning )
King:
SPENGO HAD PUT
ALL OF OUR RESOURCES
INTO THE CREATION
OF ONE WEAPON--
THE MIGHTY
DEATH RAY LASER.
ITS PURPOSE,
THE DESTRUCTION
OF EARTH.
EARTH, YOU THINK
YOU'RE SO BIG,
SO IMPORTANT.
WELL, SOON YOU'LL
BE NOTHING MORE
THAN SPACE DUST,
AND MY PLANET
WILL BE THE GRANDEST
IN THE UNIVERSE!
SIRE, WE'VE CALCULATED
THE PLANET'S MOST
VULNERABLE SPOT.
A PLACE
THE EARTHLINGS CALL
WOODLAND HILLS,
CALIFORNIA.
Tod:
HMM, WOODLAND HILLS.
SHOW ME THIS
WOODLAND HILLS.
SHOW ME THE EXACT SPOT
MY ALL-POWERFUL DEATH RAY
WILL STRIKE!
AS YOU WISH, SIRE.
WAIT!
WAIT, STOP!!
OH MY GOD.
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CREATURE IN THE UNIVERSE.
LOOK AT THOSE LEGS
AND THOSE CURVES
AND THE WAY SHE MOS.
OH! OH, STOP!
STOP THIS TORTURING ME
WITH THOSE LUSTY GYRATIONS!
OH, GODDESS OF DESIRE!
AFIR,
I MUST HAVE THIS WOMAN.
BUT SIRE, HER PLANET IS
ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED.
SO WE'LL WAIT A DAY.
BRING ME THIS WOMAN.
WE'LL DESTROY EARTH TOMORROW.
- YES, SIRE.
- GENERAL.
SIRE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ME?
YOU ARE GREAT
AND ALL-POWERFUL,
LORD TOD.
TOMORROW, MY LOVE...
TOMORROW,
YOU WILL BE MINE.
King:
BOTH MY PLANET AND YOURS
WERE IN GRAVE PERIL.
THAT IS, UNTIL
THE FATEFUL INTERVENTION
OF THE TWO WISEST,
BRAVEST,
MOST NOBLE HEROES
THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER KNOWN.
Woman:
THAT'S YOUR DAD AND ME
ON THE SQUARE IN ENSENADA.
Man:
OH YEAH, JUST BEFORE
THEY LOST OUR BAGS.
NOW, I TRIED TO GET HIM
TO GO IN THE WATER, BUT--
HUH-UH, NO. JELLYFISH,
SHARKS, SAWFISH--
WHO KNOWS WHAT
THEY GOT DOWN THERE?
OH, THE BURRO TRIP.
THAT REALLY k*lled MY BACK.
NOW THAT'S MY KIND
OF PLACE-- NO BUGS,
NO CRAZY FOOD--
d*ck.
OH, THAT'S IT.
OUR TRIP TO MEXICO.
YOUR MOTHER WANTED
TO SHOW 'EM. I TOLD HER
YOU'D BE BORED.
NO. NO.
- NO NO! WE REALLY
ENJOYED IT.
- GOOD.
GOD, MOM, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU AND DAD HAVE BEEN MARRIED
20 YEARS.
SO, HOW ARE YOU GUYS
GETTING ALONG?
OH, FINE, FINE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR DAD,
HE JUST GETS
- A LITTLE DOWN SOMETIMES.
- IS IT HIS BACK AGAIN?
AND HIS STOMACH,
HIS NECK
AND WORK OF COURSE.
- POOR POP.
- IT'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
I THINK THIS LITTLE TRIP
TO SANTA BARBARA IS REALLY
GONNA CHEER HIM UP.
TALKING CARL'S EAR
OFF, DAD?
- OH, YEAH.
( chuckles )
- Carl: YEAH.
HERE.
- HAVE SOME PIE.
- THANK YOU.
I CAN'T EAT THIS,
IT'S TOO RICH.
MARGE, I CAN'T
EAT THIS.
OH, JUST A TINY BITE.
- ( whimpering )
- NO, SALTY.
NO!
HERE.
♪ The world ♪
♪ Next door. ♪
I THOUGHT
YOUR STOMACH HURT
FROM THE PIE.
UH-HUH.
OH, GOD.
( groans )
GOOD NIGHT, MARGE.
GOOD NIGHT, d*ck.
( groaning )
Marge:
d*ck, DON'T DRINK
FROM THE CARTON.
AND DON'T EAT THOSE GRAPES,
THEY'RE FOR THE TRIP.
HOW THE HECK
DOES SHE...?
( car alarm blaring )
DAMN THING.
THANKS.
HOW MUCH STUFF ARE YOU
AND MRS. NELSON BRINGING?
WELL, CARL...
THIS ONE'S MINE...
AND THE REST OF THIS
STUFF IS MY WIFE'S.
SHE PACKS THE CLOSET,
SHE PACKS THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
SHE JUST PACKS EVERYTHING.
BIG WEEKEND
OF ROMANCE, HUH, DAD?
OH, NO NO.
WAS YOUR
MOTHER'S IDEA.
ALAN, MY BACK
IS k*lling ME. WOULD YOU
JUST GIVE ME A HAND HERE?
ALAN. AL?
ALAN.
I'VE GOT
THE COFFEE MACHINE, HONEY.
- HUH?
- MOM, MOST HOTELS
HAVE COFFEE MACHINES.
THIS ONE'S BETTER.
I GOT IT AT THE LUGGAGE STORE.
OKAY, HERE.
WHAT'S IN THE BAG?
OH, THIS?
JUST SOME GRANOLA BARS,
SOME GRAPES,
SOME RAISINS
AND SOME APPLE JUICE
FOR THE TRIP.
WELL, GOODBYE, HONEY.
- NOW YOU TAKE CARE.
- I PROMISE, OKAY.
- CARL, SUCH
A SWEET BOY.
- BYE, MRS. NELSON.
- DADDY.
- YOU BE GOOD, YOU KIDS.
- YOU BE GOOD.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
d*ck.
HONEY, HONEY.
DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS
- AND DON'T TELL ANYBODY
WE'RE OUT OF TOWN.
- I PROMISE!
- DO YOU HAVE ALL
THE NUMBERS WRITTEN DOWN?
- I'VE GOT EVERYTHING.
- THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- BYE, DADDY.
- HERE WE GO.
- BYE! BYE, MOM!
- GOODBYE, MR. NELSON!
All:
BYE!
- BYE, HONEY!
- ( honks )
Marge:
BYE!
( gasps )
d*ck, I THINK I LEFT
THE IRON PLUGGED IN.
I HOPE NOT.
IT'S ON THE ROOF.
d*ck, LET'S TRY AND HAVE
FUN THIS WEEKEND, OKAY?
MARGE, I DON'T
WANT TO HAVE FUN.
I DON'T WANT
TO GO DANCING. I DON'T WANT
TO EAT ANY CRAZY FOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO RUN AROUND.
I WANT TO SIT IN ONE PLACE
AND RELAX, OKAY?
OKAY.
LOOK, d*ck.
IT'S THE OLD OJAI HIGHWAY.
WE ALWAYS WANTED
TO TRY THAT.
LOOK, WE'RE NOT
TAKING ANY RINKY-DINK
LITTLE BACK ROAD.
OH, COME ON,
YOU MIGHT ENJOY IT.
END OF DISCUSSION.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
END OF DISCUSSION.
Marge:
THERE. ISN'T THIS
BETTER THAN THE 101?
( groans )
YES.
YES.
- MM-HMM.
- YEAH.
WE ARE READY,
LORD TOD.
EXCELLENT, GENERAL.
ACTIVATE THE MAGNO BEAM.
( gears turning )
( humming )
( rumbling )
( rattling )
- JEEZ!
- HONEY?
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TAKEN IT TO JORGE
TO GET IT FIXED!
- I'LL TAKE IT
TO THE DEALER NEXT TIME.
- d*ck!
- ( tires screeching )
- AY-YI-YI!
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE CAR?
OH, GREAT,
THAT'S MY ONLY BAG!
OH, JEEZ!
THE BRAKES DON'T WORK!
( horn blaring )
OH MY GOD!
HOLY JEEZ!
ARE WE DEAD?
UH, UM...
I DON'T THINK SO.
- OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
- OH MY GOD, WE'RE FLOATING!
- WE'RE GONNA DIE!
- NO, WE'RE NOT.
Tod over radio:
Greetings, Earthlings.
I am Emperor--
- OW!
- Don't turn me off!
JEEZ, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TO US HERE, MARGE?
- ME?
- YEAH.
Silence!
I THINK THE RADIO
IS TALKING TO US.
That is correct,
Marge Nelson.
JEEZ, I THOUGHT
IT WAS LARRY KING.
I am the Emperor
Tod Spengo.
Consider yourselves
fortunate to be entering
into my domain,
because soon
your puny little planet
will cease to exist.
Until we meet again,
Earthlings.
Enjoy the ride!
( laughing maniacally )
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
d*ck, LOOK IT'S SATURN.
OH, THIS IS FABULOUS!
THIS IS SO EXCITING!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
- SATURN.
- MARGE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
d*ck, WHY ARE YOU
BEING SO UNPLEASANT?
MARGE, WE'RE BILLIONS OF MILES
FROM EARTH, WE'VE GOT A QUARTER
OF A TANK OF GAS,
I DON'T KNOW
HOW WE'RE DOING ON OIL.
LOOK, WE'RE HERE NOW.
WE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE
THE BEST OF IT, ALL RIGHT?
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY PICTURES OF SATURN?
NO, I-- I DON'T
ACTUALLY HAVE...
DO YOU HAVE
THE RIGHT f-stop?
- OH, I'M FINE.
I'M USING THE FLASH.
- THE FLASH?
- MM-HMM.
- MARGE, IT'S
OUTER SPACE.
HAVE YOU EVER
TAKEN ANY PICTURES
IN OUTER SPACE, d*ck?
- d*ck: NO.
- OH, THAT'S GREAT!
- OH! GOSH, MARGE.
- ALL RIGHT, SCOOT OVER
A LITTLE.
- WHAT?
- I WANT TO GET ONE
OF YOU AND SATURN.
NO, MARGE, DON'T TAKE
MY PICTURE! DON'T--
( grunts )
( discordant notes )
♪ O MARGE, O MARGE ♪
♪ TOD'S LOVE
FOR YOU IS... ♪
ARGE,
BARGE, CARGE,
LARGE, MA--
LARGE?
WHAT KIND OF--
OH. LARGE.
OH. LARGE.
♪ O MARGE, O MARGE ♪
♪ TOD'S LOVE
FOR YOU IS LARGE... ♪
- SIRE. SIRE!
- ♪ LAR-- ♪ WHAT?!
THE EARTH WOMAN HAS
EXITED HER SOLAR SYSTEM
AND IS APPROACHING
OUR PLANET.
EXCELLENT, GENERAL.
PREPARE HER
FOR OUR INTRODUCTION.
DRESS HER AS WOULD
BEFIT MY QUEEN.
AND THE MALE, SIRE?
YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH HIM.
BUT SURELY THIS
WILL UPSET THE FEMALE.
NO WOMAN CAN RESIST
MY SEDUCTIVE POWERS.
ONE MINUTE WITH
THE GREAT TOD SPENGO
AND SHE WILL FORGET
SHE WAS EVEN MARRIED.
POOR FOOL WILL BE
NO MATCH FOR ME.
GO!
GO AND BRING HIM TO ME.
YES, SIRE.
AFIR!
( sighs )
ON A SCALE
OF ONE TO 10
IN TERMS OF
UNIVERSE-DOMINATING
GREATNESS,
WHERE WOULD
YOU PLACE SAY...
OH, ME?
A 10, SIRE.
MOST DEFINITELY.
- A 10?
- MM-HMM.
HMM. WELL, YES,
OF COURSE A 10!
WHAT ELSE WOULD
YOU THINK, A SIX?
NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.
I MUST PREPARE FOR
HER ARRIVAL.
YES, SIRE.
WELCOME, MY LOVE.
AND MY ENEMY.
( laughs maniacally )
OH JEEZ. AW, I ONLY
BROUGHT ONE OF THESE!
THAT'S OKAY,
I CAN GET IT OUT
WITH A LITTLE PICKRIN--
WHOA!
- GOD!
- d*ck, LOOK!
- THAT TINY LITTLE PLANET.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HANG ON, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO TO US.
- Marge: OH.
- OH BOY!
OH, GOD,
IT'S A MESS!
Marge: SLOW!
- THEY'RE HERE!
- WE DID IT!
( machinery whirring )
Both: WHOA!
- YOU OKAY? OW.
- YEAH, YOU?
OH, THE FRONT END'S
PROBABLY SHOT.
GONNA COST ME
A FORTUNE TO FIX.
ROLL UP THE WINDOW.
ROLL UP
THE WINDOW, QUICK!
ME?
- STAY HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA TELL THEM?
I DON'T KNOW. "TAKE ME
TO YOUR LEADER," I GUESS.
HI.
d*ck NELSON,
WOODLAND HILLS,
CALIFORNIA.
HI.
SO... QUITE A NIFTY
LITTLE SETUP YOU'VE GOT
FOR YOURSELVES HERE.
UH, NO, NO, SORRY.
SHE STAYS IN THE CAR.
OH MY!
HI, I'M MARGE NELSON,
d*ck-- d*ck'S WIFE.
IT'S VERY NICE
TO MEET YOU.
WE'RE REALLY ENJOYING
YOUR PLANET VERY MUCH.
- HEY!
- ( cracks )
OH JEEZ,
MY BACK! OW!
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE
WANT WITH US?
YOU'VE BEEN INVITED HERE
BY THE EMPEROR TOD SPENGO.
Marge:
WE REALLY APPRECIATE
THAT VERY MUCH, BUT WHY?
OUR GREAT EMPEROR DESIRES
YOUR PRESENCE...
AT HIS WEDDING.
Marge:
THIS OBVIOUSLY MEANS
A LOT TO THIS TOD FELLOW.
d*ck:
MARGE, NO.
END OF DISCUSSION.
YOU MIGHT REALLY LIKE IT.
REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU LOVED
- THAT WEDDING
IN MISSION VIEJO?
- THAT WAS DIFFERENT.
WE WERE GUESTS
OF THE ZIMMERMANS.
WELL, HONEY, HERE WE'RE
GUESTS OF AN EMPEROR.
THE ZIMMERMANS WERE
HUMAN BEINGS FROM
THE PLANET EARTH.
END OF DISCUSSION!
d*ck, DON'T YOU THINK
MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE
GROUCHY FROM THE TRIP?
OH, GREAT! NOW I'M
MR. GROUCHY-FROM-THE-TRIP!
MR. FLY-A-BILLION-MILES
TO-GOD-KNOWS...
EXCUSE ME, COULD YOU
TAKE OUR PICTURE?
d*ck, COME HERE, HURRY.
QUICK, COME OVER HERE.
EXCUSE ME, WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING IN A PICTURE WITH US?
- PRESS THE BUTTON.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
- MARGE. MARGE.
JUST ONE PICTURE.
IT'S VERY EASY, IT'S
AN AUTOMATIC.
- LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL THING!
JUST PRESS THE BUTTON.
- MARGE.
- WAVE. SAY HI.
- HI!
- ( yelps )
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- MARGE.
- HAVE A NICE DAY,
WHOEVER YOU ARE.
- WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?
WE DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
- ( both grumbling )
- WE DIDN'T BRING
THEM ANYTHING.
- SO WHAT?
- ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GO.
- IT'S A WEDDING,
IT COULD BE FUN.
- I'M TELLING YOU,
THOUGH-- OH.
- WELL,
YOUR CHAMBERS
HAVE BEEN PREPARED.
THERE YOU CAN
REFRESH YOURSELF BEFORE
YOU MEET THE EMPEROR.
YOUR SERVANTS WILL
SHOW YOU TO YOUR CHAMBERS.
- OH!
- ( trilling )
d*ck:
HOLD ON A SECOND HERE.
NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT
- OH, AREN'T YOU SWEET?
- NO, MARGE, WAIT, WAIT!
- MARGE!
- HAVE A NICE TIME!
- BYE, d*ck.
- MARGE!
SO, WHERE ARE
WE GOING HERE, GUYS?
( chuckles menacingly )
OW! GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME!
I'M A GUEST HERE, YOU KNOW!
- ( bulldogs grumbling )
- OUCH!
WHO'S YOUR SUPERVISOR?
I'M A UNITED STATES
CITIZEN!
OH!
OH, GREAT.
HEY! OPEN UP!
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
( raspy voice )
HEY! OPEN UP!
LET ME OUT OF HERE.
- ( chuckles )
- WHAT THE HECK
IS THAT?
( mockingly )
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?
JEEZ, THAT'S
A BIG MOTHER.
JEEZ, THAT'S
A BIG MOTHER.
GO ON, SHOO!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GO ON, SHOO!
GET OUT OF HERE!
( screams )
HEY!
YOU TOUCH MY WIFE
AND YOU'RE DEAD!
- ( dings )
- OH, COFFEE'S READY.
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE COFFEE.
COFFEE?
OH, THAT'S OUR DAUGHTER
STEPHANIE.
AND THAT'S HER
LITTLE BOYFRIEND CARL.
THAT ONE'S OUR SON ALAN.
HE'S KIND OF
GOING THROUGH
A PHASE RIGHT NOW.
OH, AND THAT'S MY HUSBAND.
THAT'S d*ck.
DI-ICK.
MM-HMM, YES,
THAT'S RIGHT.
ALAN IS REALLY
A VERY GOOD BOY.
HE'S JUST AT A DIFFICULT AGE,
BUT WE LOVE HIM VERY MUCH.
OH, WHAT ARE THESE,
YOUR PETS?
OH, I SEE,
IT'S YOUR FAMILY.
OH, THESE MUST BE
YOUR CHILDREN.
THEY'RE ADORABLE.
JUST ADORABLE! OH.
BLAAATTT!
BLAAATTT.
THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND?
OH, I SEE.
YOU'RE SEPARATED?
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ALONG
RIGHT NOW, IS THAT IT?
MM-HMM. WELL...
PERHAPS YOU'RE NOT
COMMUNICATING.
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
A LITTLE TALK WITH HIM, HUH?
ALL RIGHT, THEN,
THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.
MORE COFFEE?
- OH, FINE.
- WHEW!
PULL! PULL!
COME ON!
- ( bulldogs grunting )
- TIGHTER! TIGHT--
( deep voice )
OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
SHE IS ON HER WAY
TO THE THRONE ROOM,
GREAT ONE.
EXCELLENT, AFIR!
PREPARE THE CHORUS
AND I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
YES, SIRE.
- GENERAL?
- SIRE?
- HOW, UH...?
- Bulldog: OH, BOY!
YOU LOOK SMASHING.
YES, I DO.
I DO, DON'T I?
WELL, I'LL JOIN
YOU PRESENTLY.
NOW GET OUT!
OH, MOTHER, IF ONLY
YOU COULD BE HERE.
- DON'T!
- ( yelps )
WHOA!
( sniffs )
WHEW. WHOA.
NO! NO, PLEASE!
NOT THE MIND MILK
MACHINE AGAIN!
IT SUCKS
YOUR BRAINS OUT.
IT TAKES YOUR THOUGHTS
AND MASHES
YOUR BRAIN AND...
WHO ARE YOU?
d*ck NELSON
FROM EARTH.
EARTH?
OH, YES.
I AM RAFF.
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
- "I AM RAFF."
- NO.
I AM RAFF,
YOU ARE EARTH-d*ck.
LISTEN, EARTH-d*ck,
I HAVE INFORMATION
VITAL TO THE FUTURE
OF YOUR PLANET
AND MY OWN.
- AM I SPEAKING NOW?
- YES, YOU ARE.
GOOD. SIGNAL ME
WHEN I STOP.
YOU'VE STOPPED.
IT'S ALL BECAUSE
OF SPENGO!
I-- I WAS KING
OF THIS PLANET WHEN
HE SEIZED POWER.
HE STOLE MY IDEAS
AND MISUSED THEM
TO BUILD HIS...
( stammering )
- TELESCOPE?
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
HIS... ( grunting )
FISHING POLE.
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO. HIS...
- BEACH BALL!
- NO. HIS DEATH RAY!
- DEATH RAY?
- I JUST SAID THAT.
NOW THEN, EARTH-d*ck,
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
OPEN MY PANTS.
- WHAT?
- QUICKLY, IT'S URGENT.
UH... NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I HAVEN'T BEEN IN PRISON
LONG ENOUGH FOR THIS.
NO, NO. THERE IS
INFORMATION VITAL
TO OUR CAUSE IN MY PANTS!
NOW, OPEN MY PANTS,
TAKE THE INFORMATION
AND ESCAPE.
ESCAPE?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO ESCAPE?
( giggles )
I HAVE NO IDEA,
BUT YOU WILL THINK
OF SOMETHING. AFTER ALL,
THIS IS A PLANET
OF IDIOTS.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I'M THE MOST
INTELLIGENT ONE HERE
AND I'M AN IDIOT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
JUST SAVE IT. I'LL--
HANG ON.
( creaks )
YOU MUST TAKE THIS
TO MY SON, SIRK THE...
SIRK THE--
OH, DAMN IT!
SIRK THE--
- LEADER?
- HUH-UH.
- GENERAL?
- NO!
THE WHITE BIRD!
- ( imitates bird )
- OH, THE WHITE BIRD.
OF COURSE, RIGHT.
MM-HMM.
- AND THEN--
- YES?
JUST AT THE WRONG
MOMENT...
- MM-HMM?
- I SHALL PASS OUT.
WHITE BIRD.
SURE, YEAH, WELL, GREAT!
TERRIFIC!
I'M SCREWED.
( grunting cadence )
Man:
AND HALT!
( gasps )
OH!
OH, THIS IS FANTASTIC!
GOODNESS!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
( crowd murmurs )
EXCUSE ME, BUT IS
MY HUSBAND HERE YET?
( growls )
( discordant notes )
IS THAT
THE COURT JESTER?
♪ TOD, TOD, TOD, TOD ♪
♪ TOD, TOD, TOD, TOD... ♪
♪ TOD, O TOD ♪
♪ HE IS A GOD-ISH GOD ♪
♪ FEARSOME AND BRAVE ♪
♪ OUR FUTURE HE WILL SAVE,
UPON THE FACE OF HISTORY ♪
♪ HIS NAME WILL
BE ENGRAVED, TOD! ♪
( grunting )
GREETINGS,
MARGE NELSON!
I AM TOD
THE DESTROYER,
RULER OF ALL
THAT YOU SEE.
IMPRESSED?
OH, YES, YOU HAVE
AN ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE
LITTLE PLANET HERE.
OH, YOU THINK
MY PLANET IS LITTLE?
OH, YES,
IT'S JUST... TINY.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW,
MARGE NELSON, IT'S NOT
THE SIZE OF YOUR PLANET,
- IT'S HOW YOU USE IT!
- HMM.
I'M SORRY, WOULD
YOU DO THAT AGAIN?
I THINK I HAD
THE DISTANCE WRONG.
- OH!
- THANK YOU.
NOW, WHAT WAS IT
YOU WERE SAYING ABOUT
YOUR LITTLE PLANET?
DON'T YOU GET IT?
I'M THE EMPEROR!
- I RULE HERE!
- OH.
TOD...
ARE YOU INSECURE?
ME? INSECURE?
IF I WERE INSECURE,
WHY WOULD I SPEAK
SO LOUDLY, HMM?
HOW ABOUT NOW, DEAR MARGE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW?
UH, MR. SPENGO,
WHERE'S d*ck?
OH, WHY DO YOU
CARE ABOUT HIM?
DOES HE HAVE A PLANET
NAMED AFTER HIM?
IS HIS NAME
d*ck EARTH?
MR. SPENGO,
WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MARRY ME,
MARGE, AND BECOME
THE QUEEN OF SPENGO.
MARRY YOU?
I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
I'M ALREADY MARRIED.
SO? WOULDN'T YOU
RATHER BE A QUEEN?
TOD, WHERE
IS MY HUSBAND?
HE IS IN THE DUNGEON
WHERE HE WILL ROT
AS HIS PLANET
IS DESTROYED
BEFORE HIM!
THAT IS CORRECT.
FIRST THING TOMORROW
MORNING,
I SHALL BLOW UP EARTH,
THEREBY MAKING SPENGO
THE MOST POWERFUL PLANET
IN THE UNIVERSE!
( indifferently ) YAY.
MR. SPENGO, I DEMAND THAT
YOU TAKE ME TO MY HUSBAND
IMMEDIATELY!
I WILL MAKE YOU MINE,
MARGE NELSON.
- YOU WILL LOVE ME!
- NEVER, I'LL NEVER
LOVE YOU!
- I LOVE MY HUSBAND!
- OH, FINE. YOU KNOW, FINE.
I WILL RELEASE HIM.
I'LL TAKE HIM
TO THE LABORATORY
AND MILK HIS MIND.
I'LL FIND OUT WHAT'S IN IT
THAT COULD POSSIBLY WARRANT
YOUR LOVE FOR HIM.
- TAKE HER AWAY!
- NO! NO!
TOD, YOU LEAVE
MY HUSBAND ALONE!
- ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS!
- GET IN THERE!
CAN'T WE TALK
THIS OUT? OH.
ANIMALS!
( growling )
ALL RIGHT, OKAY!
( snarls )
WAIT A SECOND.
YOU'RE...
- BLAAATTT, AREN'T YOU?
- HUH? ( growling )
I SAW YOUR PICTURE.
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE
BWAAA'S HUSBAND.
MMM, WOULD YOU LIKE
A GRANOLA BAR?
- GRA-NO-LA?
- GRA-NO-LA?
( muffled screaming )
DO IT.
( groaning )
"MY BACK.
MY BACK IS k*lling ME.
THIS SPENGO IDIOT
IS LAUGHING AT ME.
I'D LIKE TO PUNCH HIM
IN THE MOUTH,
BUT IF I DO, SOMEONE WOULD
PUNCH ME IN THE MOUTH."
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- "WHAT'S THAT IN MY MOUTH?
THERE'S A PIECE
OF GRANOLA IN MY TEETH.
OH, MARGE GAVE ME
GRANOLA IN THE CAR.
MARGE!
MARGE IN TROUBLE?
MARGE-- MARGE DEAD?
I KNEW WE SHOULD
HAVE STAYED ON THE 101.
I TRIED TO TELL HER!
SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN
TO ME, NOBODY DOES,
NOT EVEN MY SON."
EVEN YOUR OWN KID
THINKS YOU'RE A JERK.
"OH MY GOD! I LEFT
THE FIREPLACE ON!
ALL OF OUR THINGS!
ALL THOSE MEMENTOS
OF 20 YEARS.
THOSE PHOTOS OF MARGE!"
- WHAT THE HECK IS
HE TALKING ABOUT?
- "OH, MARGE.
SHE'S LOOKING FOR ME!
SHE'S WORRIED SICK!
OH, MARGE!
MARGE! MARGE!"
- OH, ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S ENOUGH.
- "OH, MARGE! MARGE!
- MARGE!"
- THAT'S ENOUGH.
- "MARGE, MARGE!"
- THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT'S ENOU--
- THAT'S ENOUGH!
YOU IDIOT, IT'S ME!
- "OH, MARGE! MARGE!"
- OH, FORGET IT!
WAKE UP, WAKE UP!
- "OH, MARGE! MARGE!"
MARGE NELSON MUST HAVE
THE HEART OF AN ANGEL,
BECAUSE ONLY AN ANGEL
COULD LOVE SUCH A PATHETIC
WEAKLING LIKE YOURSELF!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH HER?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH MY WIFE?
- EXECUTE HIM.
- YOU TOUCH MY WIFE,
I'LL RIP OFF
YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD,
YOU PIPSQUEAK!
YOU HEAR ME, HUH?
COME ON! I'LL m*rder YOU!
YOU THINK I'M A WEAKLING?
I USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL!
COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!
OH, sh**t.
YEAH, IT'S TOUGH
HAVING TO BE MASCULINE
ALL THE TIME, ISN'T IT?
( whimpering )
SOMETIMES MY HUSBAND
DIGS HIS HEELS INTO
SOMETHING SO MUCH
THAT HE FINDS IT
DIFFICULT TO ADMIT
THAT HE'S WRONG.
WHAT YOU NEED IS A NICE
LITTLE HUG, ISN'T IT?
OH.
- ( panting )
- THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
THERE.
NOW WOULDN'T YOU
FEEL A LOT BETTER
IF YOU WENT AND HAD
A NICE TALK WITH BWAAA?
TOLD HER THAT YOU
BELIEVED IN HER...
- UH-HUH.
- AND THAT YOU LOVED HER?
- UH-HUH.
- SHE SHOULD TELL YOU
THE SAME THING, TOO.
DON'T YOU THINK
YOU SHOULD GO TALK
TO HER NOW?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- YEAH, OKAY.
OH BOY,
OH BOY, OH BOY.
BWAAA!
OH BOY, OH BOY.
OW, OW, OW, OW!
- IT HURTS, DOESN'T IT?
- YEAH. THAT THING'S
AS BIG AS A--
NO! I MEAN
#sLOSING ONE'S LOVE.
IT'S PAIN,
BUT WE HAVE TO GO ON,
JUST AS I HAVE
TO GO ON NOW.
THIS IS MY DUTY!
BUT-- BUT--
BUT I JUST CAN'T!
( sobbing )
OKAY.
COME ON,
YOU'LL BE OKAY.
NO!
YOU HAVE TO ESCAPE!
YOU HAVE TO GET
OUT OF HERE!
HERE, YOU CAN TAKE
MY UNIFORM.
YOU CAN DISGUISE YOURSELF
AS A DESTROYER!
HERE, TAKE MY HELMET.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
YOU MAY T REALIZE IT,
EARTH MAN,
BUT THE LOVE YOU FEEL
FOR YOUR WOMAN IS
ETERNAL AND BEAUTIFUL.
ANYONE WHO HAS LOVED
THIS WAY KNOWS.
I, TOO, ONCE HAD
A TRUE LOVE,
BUT I LOST HER
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.
THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN
TO YOU, EARTH MAN.
QUICKLY, HURRY UP!
- ( gasps )
- ( all growling )
- HI. EXCUSE ME.
- Bulldog: HI.
( grunts )
WHOA!
HAIL TOD!
TOD THE DESTROYER!
( groans )
YOUR UNIFORM'S
TOO SMALL, MISTER!
I'VE ORDERED A NEW ONE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
ZURG.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- PATROL.
- WHICH REGION?
NORTH?
OKAY, GO AHEAD.
THAT GUY RAFF WAS RIGHT.
THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS.
- MMM.
- HEH.
sh**t HIM.
WHOA!
WHOA!
AH! BURNED EGGS!
( yelling )
( grunts )
OH, BILLIONS OF MILES
FROM A CHIROPRACTOR.
( cooing )
WHOA! WHAT THE HECK
IS THAT!?
AW...
YOU'RE A CUTE
LITTLE FELLA.
COOTCHY,
COOTCHY, COOTCHY.
- ( screeching )
- WHOA! WHA-- NO!
( all screeching )
NO! NO! JEEZ!
HELP! OH GOD! OH!
OH! WHOA!
I'M BEING
CHASED BY A BUNCH
OF k*ller MUSHROOMS!
h*-- WHOA, WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
( d*ck groans )
COME ON, d*ck,
YOU CAN DO A PULL-UP.
( grunting )
MAYBE NOT.
WHERE DO THEY KEEP
THE MIND MILK ROOMS
AROUND HERE, ANYWAY?
- ( Marge gasps )
- GET HER!
- ( guards grunt,
clamoring )
- d*ck! HELP!
( echoing )
HELP! d*ck!
d*ck! HELP!
MARGE.
( mushroom screaming )
I'M COMING, MARGIE!
MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!
STOP HER!
THERE SHE IS!
OH! d*ck!
OUCH! THESE PEOPLE
DO NOT KNOW HOW TO
TREAT COMPANY.
SO! MARGE NELSON,
- WE MEET AGAIN.
- UCH.
- THERE WE GO!
THERE SHE IS!
- ( Tod laughs )
LET HER GO.
PERHAPS MY ARM
IS TOO STRONG.
AND PERHAPS MY LEGS
ARE TOO AGILE!
- ( Tod grunts )
- ( chuckles )
Tod:
( high-pitched )
THANK YOU!
( grunts )
MARGE!
d*ck!
OH, d*ck!
- LET GO!
- MARGE!
PUNISH HIM!
MARGE!
( Tod laughing )
Marge:
STOP IT!
STOP!
NOW, MARGE NELSON...
YOU WILL WITNESS
TRUE POWER.
( panting )
TOD, YOU WERE RIGHT.
d*ck IS NOTHING
COMPARED TO YOU.
YOU ARE BOLD
AND STRONG AND...
POWERFUL.
d*ck IS SMALL
AND INSIGNIFICANT,
LIKE ALL EARTH MEN.
MARGE?
I GUESS SHE'S MADE
HER DECISION.
GOODBYE, EARTH MAN.
NO!
( screaming )
( grunts
( groaning )
- ( screams )
- ( yelping )
- ( car alarm blaring )
- OH, JEEZ!
- OH, GREAT.
- THERE THEY GO!
COME ON!
sh**t HIM!
OH, JEEZ.
( banging )
MUST BE SOMETHING
LIKE A CAR, RIGHT?
OKAY, OKAY.
IGNITION, POWER,
BRAKES, DRIVE--
( screams )
FIRE THE MISSILES!
GET HIM DOWN!
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
WHAT DID I HIT?
FORWARD, FORWARD--
WHOA!
DOWN.
DOWN'S GOOD.
OPEN SIX.
- OPEN FIVE.
- READY.
OPEN FOUR.
AIM.
OPEN ONE. FIRE!
( screams )
- ( alarm blaring )
- EJECT!
EJECT!
I PUSHED EVERYTHING!
EXCEPT...
- Marge: NO! NO!
- ( all cheering )
NO!
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ME NOW?
♪ OH TOD, OH TOD,
YOU ARE A GLORIOUS GOD ♪
- ♪ FEARSOME AND BRAVE,
OUR FUTURE YOU WILL SAVE! ♪
- OW! HELP ME, HELP ME!
YOU HORRIBLE,
AWFUL, HIDEOUS MAN!
I HATE YOU!
PREPARE HER FOR OUR WEDDING
FIRST THING TOMORROW.
- Afir: YES, SIRE.
- IF YOU WILL NOT
MARRY ME BY CHOICE,
YOU WILL MARRY ME
BY FORCE.
- TAKE HER AWAY!
- NO! NO! NO!
COME ON, FELLAS,
DANCE WITH ME!
♪ OH TOD, OH TOD
YOU ARE A GLORIOUS GOD. ♪
( d*ck screaming )
( grunts, groaning )
OW! OW. OOH.
( groaning )
( wind howling )
DAMN. OW!
( cracks )
OH MY!
I'M SORRY,
WHAT, MARGE?
OH! NO, YOU
LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
NO, YOU LOOK
BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT? YOU THINK
I'D LOOK BETTER
WITH A BEARD?
ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S ONE YOU'LL LOVE.
OW!
OH, NO.
HEEYAH! EW.
YOU COULD EXERCISE.
CLOSE YOUR EYES!
( grunting ) ONE.
TWO.
AND 50.
YES!
YES! ( farts )
( both sniff )
( panting )
( grunting )
LISTEN.
I GIVE UP.
Marge's voice:
OH, d*ck!
- MARGE.
- d*ck!
GOODBYE, d*ck!
MARGE.
Marge:
I LOVED YOU!
NO!
I GOTTA SAVE MARGE!
BUT I TOLD YOU
I'M NOT A DESTROYER!
I'M d*ck NELSON,
WOODLAND HILLS,
CALIFORNIA!
AREA CODE 818-348--
( caws )
FOR RUINING OUR WORLD,
FOR BANISHING US
TO THE DESERT,
FOR k*lling
OUR NOBLE FATHER
KING RAFF...
- RAFF?
- FOR THESE CRIMES AGAINST
OUR PLANET, DESTROYER,
- I'M AFRAID
YOU MUST DIE!
- WAIT!
UH... UH...
YOU'RE SIRK?
HOW DO YOU
KNOW MY NAME?
I WAS A PRISONER
WITH YOUR FATHER.
WE SHARED
A CELL TOGETHER.
- Woman: OUR FATHER IS ALIVE?
- YEAH, YEAH.
HE EVEN GAVE ME SOMETHING
TO GIVE TO YOU.
WHERE?
OPEN MY PANTS.
HE DOES KNOW FATHER.
EVER SINCE
SPENGO'S RULE BEGAN,
MY SISTER AND I
AND ALL MY PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN HUNTED
BY THE DESTROYERS.
THAT IS WHY WHEN WE TRAVEL,
WE WEAR THESE MASKS,
TO DISGUISE
OURSELVES AS BIRDS.
( all clucking )
UH, EXCUSE ME.
YOU REALLY HAVE BIRDS
THIS SIZE ON YOUR PLANET?
NO.
THEN WHY WOULD IT FOOL
ANYONE WHEN YOU WEAR
THE MASKS?
YOU ARE A WISE MAN,
d*ck NELSON.
AKE-TAY OFF-TAY
IRD-BAY ASK-MAY!
NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED
FROM THE DARK FORTRESS ALIVE.
YOU MUST BE
A VERY BRAVE MAN.
YEAH, WELL, I NEED
TO GET BACK IN THERE
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
IS THERE ANY WAY
YOU CAN HELP ME?
FOR YEARS WE HAVE BEEN
TRYING, BUT SPENGO
HAS MANY WEAPONS.
WE ARE ARMED ONLY
WITH OUR INTELLIGENCE.
- THAT'S TOO BAD.
- YES.
WE ARE NOT
A SMART PEOPLE,
BUT WHAT WE LACK
IN BRAINS WE MAKE UP
FOR IN GOOD INTENTIONS!
- All: YEAH!
- MAYBE THIS WILL
HELP US TOGETHER.
IT IS A
DETAILED DESCRIPTION
OF SPENGO'S FORTRESS!
WAIT, WAIT!
IT IS A DETAILED DESCRIPTION
OF FATHER'S CELL.
WE'RE DEFEATED.
DEFEATED?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
MY WIFE'S IN THERE,
YOUR FATHER'S IN THERE!
YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UP!
SO YOU'RE IDIOTS, WHO CARES?
THEY'RE IDIOTS TOO!
JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE STUPID
DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T
RULE A PLANET.
HEY, COME TO EARTH
SOMETIME.
DON'T GIVE UP!
NEVER GIVE UP!
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF WASHINGTON HAD GIVEN UP
AT VALLEY FORGE?
WHAT IF
ROOSEVELT HAD GIVEN UP
AT SAN JUAN HILL?
WHAT IF NAMIB
HAD GIVEN UP AT
THE ICE MOON OF NOMOLOS?
- All: YEAH!
- SO, IN THE TRADITION
OF WASHINGTON,
ROOSEVELT AND NAMIB,
LET'S DO IT!
All:
YEAH! YEAH!
( all yelling )
JEEZ, WAIT A MINUTE.
YES! WE GO!
REMEMBER WASHINGTON
AT SAN JUAN HILL!
- WAIT A MINUTE!
- WAIT, WAIT!
MY PEOPLE,
WAIT FOR ME!
UH-- SIRK,
DON'T YOU THINK
WE OUGHT TO...
PREPARE OR SOMETHING?
d*ck NELSON,
YOU ARE A GIFT
FROM HEAVEN.
MY PEOPLE!
TOMORROW WE GO IN.
- GO IN AND SET
THINGS RIGHT!
- ( cracks )
Tod:
AND NOW, EARTH,
FAREWELL!
OH, I'M SICK
OF TARGET PRACTICE.
CAN'T WAIT TO BLOW UP
THE REAL THING.
YAH!
( grunts )
TOMORROW, EARTH,
IT WILL ALL BE OVER,
AND THERE'S NO ONE
WHO CAN STOP ME!
( grunts )
YOUR PLANS ARE
BRILLIANT, EARTH MAN.
WELL, I JUST NOODLED
A FEW THINGS DOWN.
COME, MY PEOPLE ARE ANXIOUS
TO SHOW YOU THEIR PROGRESS.
All:
d*ck NELSON
OF WOODLAND HILLS!
HAIL!
CARRY ON.
LOOK, THESE ARE WEAPONS
WE HAVE STOLEN FROM
THE DESTROYERS.
AH.
- HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN ONE OF THESE?
- Man: TOMORROW WE DIE!
- LOOKS LIKE A GRENADE.
- IT'S A LIGHT GRENADE.
PULL THE PIN,
SET IT DOWN,
WHOEVER PICKS IT UP...
PFFT!
GRENADE REMAINS,
PERSON DISAPPEARS.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING
I'VE EVER HEARD OF.
WHO'D PICK IT UP?
- OH. LOOK.
- "PICK ME UP."
DIABOLICAL, ISN'T IT?
THIS IS ONE
OF OUR WEAPONS.
- THIS IS A ROCK.
- EXACTLY!
WHAT YOU DO IS
RAISE YOU ARM LIKE SO
THEN-- VAVOOM!
YOU THROW IT!
RIGHT. GOT IT.
COME, WE HAVE PREPARED
A PRE-BATTLE FEAST,
GREAT d*ck.
WE HAVE PREPARED OUR PLANET'S
GREATEST DELICACY.
HOT SPICED LUB-LUB
IN HEAVY GREASE.
I, UH...
THE LEADER MUST
HAVE THE FIRST BITE.
OH, WHAT THE HECK.
MMM.
( gulps )
( playing fast
rhythmic music )
( trilling )
AH! NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T DANCE.
THIS MUSIC IS
IN YOUR HONOR.
YOU MUST DANCE
WITH THEM.
OH.
( chuckles )
UH.
I DON'T REALLY DANCE.
HI.
( laughing )
d*ck:
WHOA!
- ( whoops )
- YEEHAW!
YOUR BRIDE IS GETTING
DRESSED, LORD TOD.
GIVE HER THE LOVE POTION.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HEY, YOU.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHICH DO YOU LIKE
BETTER: MUTTON CHOPS
OR GOATEE?
UM.
BE HONEST.
MUTTON CHOPS,
MY LORD?
NO. NO, I LIKE
THE GOATEE BETTER.
sh**t YOURSELF
IN THE HEAD.
NOW.
WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU?
MUTTON CHOPS!
PLANET OF IDIOTS!
YOU KNOW,
THEY GOT A POINT.
OY.
( cooing )
LEAVE, ALL OF YOU!
NOW!
( squealing )
- YOU MONSTER,
YOU HORRIBLE--
- SILENCE!
I WILL NOT BE SILENT
ABOUT THE FACT...
- I SAID SILENCE!
- ...THAT YOU k*lled
MY HUSBAND!
LISTEN TO ME
AND DO AS I SAY.
YOUR LIFE MAY
DEPEND ON IT!
SPENGO THINKS THIS IS
A LOVE POTION, BUT I'VE
REPLACED IT WITH WATER.
WHEN INJECTED YOU MUST
ACT AS THOUGH YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH HIM.
OH!
AFTER THE WEDDING,
I'LL SEARCH THE DESERT
FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
- MY HUSBAND'S DEAD,
THANK YOU!
- SILENCE!
I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
HE EJECTED FROM HIS SHIP.
YOU MEAN...
HE'S ALIVE?
Afir:
PERHAPS.
AND IF HE IS,
HE IS THE ONLY PERSON
WHO CAN SAVE THIS PLANET
FROM SPENGO'S
MISGUIDED TYRANNY.
MISGUIDED?
BEFORE I CAME TO POWER
WAS THERE A FORTRESS?
WAS THERE A MAGNO BEAM?
WAS THERE
A DEATH RAY? NO.
THIS PLANET WAS NOTHING.
IT WAS A COSMIC ZERO.
NOW, STARTING TOMORROW,
WE WILL RULE THE UNIVERSE.
YOU.
YOU WILL BECOME
MY QUEEN.
I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU,
YOU CREEP!
YES, YOU WILL.
OH.
OH, TOD.
MARRY ME, NOW.
AND AS FOR YOU,
DEATH IS TOO GOOD
FOR A TRAITOR.
AFTER THE WEDDING
WE WILL TAKE YOU
TO THE COMMAND CENTER,
AND WE WILL INSERT YOU
INTO THE DEATH RAY.
WE WILL WATCH YOU DIE
AS WE WATCH EARTH DIE.
SO...
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ME NOW, AFIR?
I THINK YOU'RE
A SMALL, PATHETIC,
INSIGNIFICANT
LITTLE CRETIN.
OH, REALLY?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF ME NOW?
( birds tweeting )
OH...
TOD.
I LOVE YOU.
MARRY ME?
NO, SORRY.
MARRYING MARGE.
TAKE HIM AWAY.
- ( Afir grunts )
- TRAITOR!
TRAITOR!
OH, TOD, YOU'RE
SUCH A BRAVE MAN.
WHEN CAN WE GO
AWAY TOGETHER?
SHORTLY, MY LOVE.
THE SECOND WE ARE WED,
WE'LL BOARD
MY PRIVATE ROCKET,
AND I'LL WH--
I'LL WHISK YOU AWAY
TO MY PRIVATE MOON,
LITTLE DOT,
AND THERE WE WILL
ENJOY CONJUGAL BLISS
AS WE WATCH YOUR
EX-PLANET BEING DESTROYED.
UNTIL THEN...
( gags )
ACK! AHEM. AH!
YOU'RE WELCOME!
PINHEAD.
SEND A PLATOON
INTO THE DESERT.
FIND THE EARTH-d*ck
AND EXECUTE HIM AT ONCE!
YES, LORD TOD!
( dramatic music
playing )
THE DEATH CART!
THE DEATH CART IS COMING!
THE DEATH CART
IS COMING!
( echoes )
THIS IS IT!
PREPARE TO LEAVE!
THAT'S, UH...
GOOD!
THAT'S GOOD.
LET'S HOPE THESE PEOPLE
ARE EXTREMELY STUPID.
( soldiers grunting )
LOOKS LIKE WE
CAUGHT THEM SLEEPING.
CAPTAIN, LOOK.
MOVE OUT!
( all yelling )
OH MY GOD!
CAPTAIN!
THE EARTH MAN HAS
A LIGHT GRENADE
FOR A HEAD!
WHAT? OVER HERE!
HURRY!
- WHAT!?
- LOOK!
HE HAS A LIGHT GRENADE--
( screams )
IDIOT!
CAREFUL, MEN,
THERE'S A LIGHT GRENADE
ON THE GROUND.
- WHERE? WHERE?
- ON THE GROUND?
- SHOW US, SIR.
- WHERE?
RIGHT HERE!
( scream echoes )
I'M NOT GOING NEAR IT.
NO, NOT ME.
SO, EARTH-d*ck,
DO YOU THINK
- THIS PLAN WILL WORK?
- IF I GOT THIS GUY
SPENGO FIGURED OUT,
I THINK IT MIGHT.
( people chatting )
- Man: FASTER, FASTER!
- Man #2: MOVE IT!
Man:
FASTER, MOVE IT,
MOVE IT!
- Man #3:
WATCH OUT, HUGE ROCK!
- Man #4: BIG ROCK!
h*, WHOA!
"PICK ME UP."
( screams )
I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED
SOME REINFORCEMENTS OUT HERE.
( radio squawks )
Chorus:
♪ TOD, TOD, TOD, TOD ♪
- ♪ TOD, TOD, TOD, TOD... ♪
- ♪ TODAY MARGE NELSON ♪
♪ BECOMES MARGE SPENGO ♪
♪ AND ALL ACROSS
THE PLANET ♪
♪ ALL HEARTS
WILL DO THE TANGO ♪
♪ TOD, TOD, TOD, TOD ♪
- ♪ TOD, TOD, TOD ♪
- ♪ AND MARGE. ♪
( festive music
playing )
OH.
Bulldogs: OOH.
HELLO, MY SWEET.
( clears throat )
DEAR FRIENDS,
TODAY OUR BOLD
AND NOBLE EMPEROR TOD
- IS@(O BE WED--
- ALL RIGHT, HURRY UP.
HURRY IT UP!
IN CONCLUSION,
DO YOU, TOD SPENGO,
TAKE MARGE NELSON
- TO BE YOUR
LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?
- OF COURSE I DO, FOOL!
AND DO YOU, MARGE NELSON,
TAKE TOD SPENGO
TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY
WEDDED HUSBAND?
( chuckles )
WELL, UM...
I, UH--
I-- I-- I--
( knocking )
( guests murmuring )
( knocking continues )
WELL, SEE
WHO IT IS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S
THE EMPEROR'S WEDDING DAY?
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT...
( whispering )
BIG...
GIANT... STATUE!
Tod:
WHO IS IT?
THERE'S A STATUE
AT THE FRONT GATE,
LORD TOD!
WHAT KIND OF STATUE?
A STATUE OF YOU,
LORD TOD!
OH.
EXCUSE ME, MY DEAR.
DOORS!
OH, GOD.
YOU IDIOT!
YOU FOOL!
CAN'T YOU SEE?
THIS IS A TRICK.
( gasps )
THIS STATUE DOESN'T
LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ME.
I MEAN, I--
I DON'T HAVE
THAT MUCH FAT
AROUND MY FACE.
- WELL, DO I?
- HUH-UH.
WELL, THEN WHAT
DID YOU BRING ME
OUT HERE FO--
OOH!
WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE.
BRING IT IN,
BRING IT IN!
LET EVERYONE SEE HOW MUCH
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ME!
( guests murmuring )
HELLO?
LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES
MORE HANDSOME THAN THAT.
NO, LIKE A THOUSAND
TIMES MORE HANDSOME.
I MEAN, DO I
LOOK LIKE THIS?
- OH, NO, LORD TOD.
- OH, CARRY ON, YOU FOOL.
Tod:
COME ON!
OKAY, IS THE TRAP DOOR
READY?
YES, IT HAS BEEN SEALED
FIRMLY SHUT, GREAT d*ck.
SEALED?
DRADAI HAS SEALED IT
SO THAT NO MAN MAY OPEN IT.
I'M LIKE A MILLION TIMES
MORE HANDSOME THAN THAT.
- ( creaking )
- ( guests clamoring )
( guests screaming )
d*ck!
- SPENGO!
- WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN MY HEAD?
THAT'S MY WOMAN!
- d*ck!
- k*ll HIM!
( yells )
MARGE IS MINE!
- MARGE!
- d*ck! HELP! HELP!
BUT DON'T
HURT YOURSELF!
- VAVOOM!
- Man: VAVOOM!
TOD, YOU ARE THE RUDEST,
MOST THOUGHTLESS, IMMATURE,
- INCONSIDERATE, SPOILED,
CHILDISH, PIG-HEADED...
- ( d*ck roaring )
( grunts )
SEMAGE?
- SIBOR!
- AH!
...UNPLEASANT, MOST MISERABLE
EXCUSE FOR A MAN I'VE EVER
MET IN MY LIFE!
AH! OW.
AH!
IN 100 SPENGO-SECONDS,
MARGE NELSON,
YOUR PLANET WILL
BE NO MORE.
AND AS FOR YOU,
AFIR, GOODBYE.
TOO BAD OUR FRIENDSHIP
HAD TO END WITH A LASER
THROUGH YOUR BELLY!
( Tod laughing )
NO!
( grunting )
HOLD IT, SPENGO!
- HUH?
- d*ck!
THAT'S MY WIFE
YOU'VE GOT THERE,
THAT'S MY PLANET
YOU'RE BLOWING UP,
AND THAT'S--
THAT'S JUST SOME GUY
I MET, BUT STILL,
I THINK THIS THING HAS GONE
JUST A LITTLE TOO FAR!
( yelling )
d*ck! d*ck, HE'S CRAZY.
HE'S GONNA BLOW UP
THE EARTH.
STEPHANIE, ALAN!
SALTY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY,
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
- d*ck, WATCH OUT!
- ( screams )
- WHOA!
( electricity sparking )
- ( grunts )
- EAT STEEL, EARTH MAN!
UH-OH.
( growls ) WHOA!
OH, A FIGHTER!
TOUCHé!
DON'T--
DON-- DON'T!
- OW!
- AH! OOH.
I MEANT TO MISS!
( swords clanking )
( both snarling )
OKAY. HEY, L-LET'S REST.
AH. YEAH, YEAH.
Tod:
ALL RIGHT, LET GO.
LET... GO! LET GO!
( laughs )
GOODBYE, d*ck NELSON.
- OH, TOD.
- MARGE?
( screaming )
( grunting )
SPENGO, THIS TIME YOU MESSED
WITH THE WRONG EARTH MAN!
OH, MY TOOTH!
YOU CHIPPED MY TOOTH,
YOU IDIOT!
( screaming )
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
( muffled yelling )
Both:
THE DEATH RAY!
( rumbling )
( sputters )
( both sigh )
( Tod screams,
splashes )
- Tod: OOH! OW.
- ( coos )
OH, FINE.
YOU INVITE PEOPLE
TO YOUR PLANET, AND THIS
IS HOW THEY TREAT YOU.
( chattering )
( both cooing )
STAY WITH US,
GOOD d*ck AND MARGE.
YES, STAY WITH US,
PLEASE.
OH, WE REALLY
HAVE TO GO NOW.
YEAH, I HAVE TO
WORK TOMORROW.
I HAVE REVERSED THE POLARITY
ON THE MAGNO BEAM.
IT SHOULD RETURN YOU
SAFELY AND IN HASTE.
I JUST SAID "I HAVE
REVERSED THE POLARITY
ON THE MAGNO BEAM.
IT SHOULD RETURN YOU
SAFELY AND IN HASTE"!
THEREFORE, YOU MAY GO.
GOOD d*ck AND MARGE,
YOU HAVE SAVED OUR WORLD
AS WELL AS YOUR OWN.
- ( grunts )
- FOREVER, THANK YOU.
GOODBYE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND I'LL NEVER MAKE THAT
TUNA CASSEROLE AGAIN.
BYE. COME ON,
MARGIE, WE GOTTA GO.
- d*ck: BYE, ALL.
- Marge: BYE.
- WHOA!
- HERE WE GO!
- d*ck: BYE-BYE.
- Marge: GOODBYE, EVERYONE.
- Sirk: THANK YOU!
- d*ck: YEAH, YEAH.
- Sirk: THANK YOU, EARTH-d*ck.
- Marge: GOODBYE, AFIR.
DON'T FORGET TO WRITE.
- Sirk: YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE A REBEL.
- BYE!
OKAY, SAY CHEESE!
- THANK YOU.
- Marge: BYE!
( dramatic music
playing )
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
d*ck.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
MARGE.
OH, HANG ON,
MARGIE.
IT TURNED OUT
TO BE A PRETTY NICE TRIP
AFTER ALL, DIDN'T IT?
YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, IT WAS.
( both screaming )
( tires screeching )
YOU OKAY?
- YOU?
- EH.
THE SHOCKS ARE
PROBABLY SHOT.
THE OLD OJAI HIGHWAY.
( rattles, squealing )
( honks )
WELCOME HOME! HA-- WHA?
( engine backfires )
- HI, KIDS.
- WE'RE BACK.
( slide projector
clicks )
Marge:
OH! THERE'S YOUR DAD
IN FRONT OF SATURN!
d*ck:
I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT FLASH, MARGIE.
OH, LOOK, IT'S THAT
NICE YOUNG BLAAATTT.
THERE'S THE GIRLS.
REMIND ME, I PROMISED
I'D WRITE THEM WHEN
I GOT BACK.
- THIS IS SANTA BARBARA?
- WELL, YEAH.
AND A BIT NORTH.
GENIUS.
OOH! OH!
TO OUR TRIP.
TO OUR ANNIVERSARY.
TO THE FUTURE.
OH, d*ck,
WE REALLY SHOULDN'T.
OH! OH, EARTH-d*ck.
( dramatic music
playing )
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Mom and Dad Save the World (1992)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341
Watch on Amazon Sci-Fi Merch Collectables
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.