01x18 - The Dead Spy Scrawls

[bunniefuu]

Wonder what's
keeping agent 46.

I don't know.
He's long overdue.

The message in the drop
said to bring $2,000

To this bus station
at 11:00 sharp.

Max, there's 46.

He's using the silent
signal system.

- Right.i've got
my book right here.
- Good.

Now let's see...
Touched his brim,

Rubbed his left arm,
and hitched up his pants.

What did he say?

He wants me to steal
second base.

Max, that's the spy
baseball handbook.

Oh, right.
I've got the other
book right here.

Ah, here it is.

The signal says,
"I think I'm being followed.

Blue alert.
Act casual

And do not
try to contact me
until my next signal."

[ Groans ]

Max, was his next signal
supposed to be a groan?

No.

Max, look!

- Max, is he...?
- Yes.

Look, 99. He tried
to scrawl a message
in the wet cement.

Better call the chief
and get men down here
right away.

- We'll need help.
This isn't gonna be easy.
- Finding the k*ller?

No, getting this
block of cement
back to control.

[ theme music playing ]

Stryker,
how many times
have I told you

Never bother me
when I'm in
a big-money game?

That's it, fitzburg.

Let that be
a lesson to you.

Never try to hustle
the shark.

Okay, folks,
closing time.

See you tomorrow.

Remember, the family
that plays together
stays together.

- I took care of
that control agent.
- Good.

But he was meeting another
agent who I recognized--
maxwell smart.

- Well, I've never
come across him.
- You never will.

I'm going back
to that bus station,
pick up his trail,

And when
the time is right,
I'll k*ll him.

- [ bell rings ]
- shark: there's the signal.

We've intercepted
another message
from control.

I'll get it out
of the machine.
Get the drapes.

Ah.


Five left, then eight.

I got to hand it
to you, shark,

Nobody would ever figure
the machine was in there.

Wouldn't do 'em
any good if they did.

If anybody tried
to open it without
the proper combination,

They'd be blasted
sky-high.

I wonder what
agent 46 wanted
with this $2,000.

I don't know.
Maybe this message in
the cement will tell us.

He was working undercover,
looking for a new

Electronic brain
that kaos had set up.

- An electronic brain?
- Yes, a machine that
they've been using

To intercept and decode
our secret messages.

Hmm. Do you have any
idea where it's located?

According to our experts,
it must be somewhere near
control headquarters.

And because of its
mechanical complexity,

It's got to be
large and heavy.

- Then it can't be moved.
- Right.

Oh, there you are,
chief.

If you're ready,
let's analyze that message

Agent 46 was trying
to write, hmm?

- Go ahead, parker.
- We're familiar

With the shorthand writing
he learned in training school,
and its purpose.

It's a secret scrawl
to be used by
wounded spies

Who want to leave us
a message or a clue
before they die.

The translation's
here on this chart--

"The dead spy scrawls."

All we have to do is match
the symbols on the cement

With the symbols
on the chart.

Now, let's see.

Uh, let's see.
This matches

The sixth box
in the third row.

- That's the letter "p."
- And the next symbol

matches the one
in the fourth box
in the second row.

That's the letter "i."
P-i.

- P-i...
- I think I've
got it, chief.

It's really quite
simple, parker.

You see,
the electronic
brain is located

Somewhere in
the philippine islands.

- Wrong.
- Wrong.

- Paid informer.
- Right.

- Right.
- The other symbol stands for
a washington telephone number.



That's why agent 46
wanted the money.

This informer must have
information about kaos's
electronic brain.

- Follow this up, max.
- Right, chief.

[ phone rings ]

- Yeah?
- This is maxwell smart,

Agent 86, of control.

Did you try to contact
one of our agents tonight

And sell him some information
about a decoding machine?

- Could be.
You interested?
- yes.

Be at the same bus station
tomorrow night at 10:00.

Have the 2,000 bucks
with you.

- Well, how will I know you?
- You won't.

The other agent was
knocked off, and I'm not
taking any chances.

You wear a red carnation,
and I'll contact you
near the newsstand.

right.

You gonna stand there all night
or are you gonna buy somethin'?

That's what I'm here for.
I was waiting for you to
notice the carnation.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.
How do we handle this?

just like it's
always been handled.

I hand you
the merchandise,

You give me
the money.

Yes, this is
a perfect front.

Uh, what'll I buy?

What do you want?
Newspaper?
Keychain?

How about gum?

Very clever.
Where is it?

Where would it be?

- in the wrapper.
- now, listen.

I can't afford
to take any chances.

I give you 500 now,

And the rest
when I see

If the gum is there.

Oh, the gum is there,
all right.

Wait, there's nothing
but gum in here.

That man's made
a terrible mistake.
He's not the informer.

Okay.
Ready to sell.

- Make it snappy.
Where's the money?
- Now, just a minute.

One mistake has
been made already.

I'm not paying
another red cent

Until I have definite
proof that you're
the real informer.

Now, wait a minute...

[ Groans ]

[ g*nsh*t ]

The brain.
Where is the brain?

Shark...

Pool...

M-mother.

Hello, this is 86
calling control.

This is 86 calling control.
Come in, control.

Hello, chief?
Max.

The informer's just been k*lled,
but he left us a clue.

And I didn't have to pay
a cent for it.

No, I don't have
the entire $2,000.

I have 1500 of it.

Well, of course
I didn't lose it, chief.

What do you think
I am, stupid?

I spent the other 500
for a package of gum.

"Shark, pool, mother."

"Shark, pool, m--"

Wait a minute, chief.
I think I've got a lead.

Well, I hope so, max.
We've been at it
for hours.

Now, look.
"Shark" is a fish,

And "pool" is
a body of water,

And "mother" is
a lady parent.

"Fish, water, parent."

Now, if we can
just figure out
what that means,

We've got it.

I think we'd
better go back to
"shark, pool, mother."

Wait a minute.
My hobby is
playing pool,

And I just
remembered something.

Look, chief, this is
no time to play pool.
We're working on a case.

One of the best
pool players in town

Is a man known
as the shark,

And he runs a place
called "mother's family
pool parlor."

Just what are
you saying, chief?

Well, if the shark
is a kaos man,
it's just possible

That the decoding machine
could be hidden

In mother's family
pool parlor.

Then what you're
saying is

That if the shark
is a kaos man,
then the decoding machine--

Max!
There's only one way
to find out.

We'll need someone
to keep the shark
occupied long enough

For another agent
to search for it.

A man like the shark
could never resist
the challenge

Of a game with
a good pool player.

Well, I'm your man, chief.
This is my assignment.

Max, this is
extremely dangerous.
You'd be on the spot,

Walking a tightrope,
possibly facing
a violent death.

And... Loving it.

All right, max,
if you insist.


For the decoding machine.
By the way, how's your pool?

Don't worry
about me, chief.

I know the game
inside and out.

I was afraid
you'd say that.

Everything is organized
and ready to go, max.

Parker is working on some
special equipment for you,

And we've sent for
the architect's blueprints
of the poolroom

To see where the machine
might be hidden.

Don't worry
about me, chief.
I'll take care of my end.

This is willie marconi,
one of the best pool experts
in the country.

- How do you do?
- Nice to meet you.

I want you to make sure
that you can teach him how
to play a good game, willie.

I can teach
anyone.

The chief has got it
a little wrong, willie.

You see, I happen to be
an expert at this game.

As a matter of fact,
I happen to be the pool champion
of the entire east coast.

Would you believe it?
The entire east coast.

I find that
hard to believe.

Would you believe
the west coast?

I don't think so.

How about
steubenville, ohio?

Do you use powder?

No, I've always
found it a little
effeminate.

For your hands,
to cut down on
the friction.

Let the pool cue slide
easily through your fingers,
like this.

Oh, that kind of powder.

Of course I use it.

[ willie cries out ]

Well, willie,
how's it going?

Well, keep trying.

- All right, let's get
a game started.
- right.

I have a couple of sh*ts
that'll knock your eye out.

I'll bet you have.

That is the cue ball.

Now you knock that ball
into the balls in this rack.

[ clacks ]

After I remove the rack.

Sorry about that, willie.

Chief, I think
willie is a little
accident-prone.

Wait'll you see
this shot, chief.
This is really a beauty.

See, I'm gonna hit down
on the cue ball,

Make it curve
around the 12 ball,
go into the 8 ball,

And knock the 8 ball
right in the side pocket.

Max, you might
break the cue stick.

Don't be silly,
chief.

I'm not going to
break the cue stick.

Mm!

You see, chief?
I told you I wasn't
gonna break the cue stick.

This has gone far enough.
Max, you told me you were
a good pool player,

But you're a fake
and a fraud!

You haven't
the vaguest notion
of how to play pool!

Just what are you
getting at, chief?

Chief, I think
willie has one
of your headaches.

Thanks anyway, willie.
Send me a bill for the damages.

Max:
so long, willie.

I told you he was
accident-prone.

Here's the special
equipment for smart,

And I really have some
goodies this time.

He won't need it.
I'm taking max off
of this assignment.

He doesn't know a thing
about sh**ting pool.

- Oh, he doesn't have to.
- 99: no.

Parker's devised
a remote-control cue ball

So max can make
any shot on the table.

Good work, parker.
That may be our answer.

Max must win
that first game

So that the shark
will challenge him
to a second game.

Right.
That way I can...
Why?

So 99 will have
time to look for
the decoding machine.

Oh, now wait a minute, chief.
That's dirty pool.

I mean, it's not
whether you win
or lose that counts,

It's how you
play the game.

- Max!
- Here's the cue ball.

And in my lipstick is
a transistor remote control.

Now, remember,
once you've hit the cue ball

And it's in motion,
I can maneuver it anywhere.

Go ahead, max.

- Perfect.
- Thank you.

For your protection, smart,
I've made a cue stick that is
actually a shotgun.

A cue stick
that's a shotgun?

That's fantastic, parker.
How does it work?

Well, to load it,
you break it open
in the middle.

Well, I hope I don't have
to load it in a hurry.

That's a regular
cue stick, smart.

Here's the shotgun.

You open it like this,
place the shell in

Like this,

And you close it like this,
and you're ready to go.

Well, that certainly
is ingenious, parker.

But, uh, how do
you fire it?

Simply hit the rubber tip
on the back end.

- Oh. Gotcha.
- You're all set, max.

I certainly am, chief,
and before you know it,

That kaos decoding machine
will be right here
in control.

Well, I guess
I'll just

Warm up
a little bit.

Hey, I like the way
you handle yourself, kid.

I do all right.

Tell that to the shark
when you see him.

- Why the shark?
- Well, I'm looking
for a game.

$1000 A ball.

- I'm the shark.
- [ bell rings ]

Oh, I'm sorry.
I can't play right now.

Sorry, folks.
Closing time.

Did you hear that,
folks?

I challenged him
to a game,
and he refused.

Looks to me like
the shark is chicken.

What's the matter, shark?
You afraid of him?

The shark isn't
afraid of anyone.

I accept.
[ Snaps fingers ]

You want to flip
for break?

All right, shark,
you can break 'em.

Rack 'em up, fitzburg.

Not bad, shark.

There won't be a ball
left on the table.

Nice try, shark,

But you forgot to
allow for the wind.

I'm making a shot.

Amazing.

The only man I ever saw
make that kind of a shot

Was the great pool champion
three-fingers yarmey.

Uh, yes.
As a matter of fact,

I, uh, just
stole it off him
last week.

"Last week"?
He's been dead
for six years.

Oh. Good.

What he doesn't know
won't hurt him.

That's maxwell smart,
the control agent
I told you about.

- Now watch this.
- I'll get him.

Not in front of
all these witnesses.

I'll finish the game fast,
get rid of the people,
then you take care of him.

Beautiful.
Just beautiful.

Those are the
combination numbers
for the decoding machine.

Eh, it's a million
to one.

I'm sh**ting again.

- [ Excited chatter ]
- 99: max, the brain!

max, look out!
he's got a g*n
in his briefcase!

[ people scream ]

Your stick
is empty, smart.

You try anything,
she goes first.

Max, my lipstick.



To be thinking about
your appearance.

[ Whispers ]
max!

He's out cold, max.

I know. I hope
he hasn't suffered
a loss of memory.

He owes me $13,000
from the pool game.

- Oh, hi, chief.
- Max, the assignment
is over.

We've got the shark.
We've got the decoding machine.

- There's no need to
play pool any longer.
- I know, chief,

But I've been doing a lot
of practicing, and I want
to show you something.

You remember that shot
I tried to make once

Where I make the cue ball
go around one ball and knock
the other ball into the pocket?

I'll never forget it.
Max, please.

We've just put a new
cloth on the table.

Don't be silly, chief.
I'm not going to
rip the cloth.

Tsk.

Max!

[ theme music playing ]