02x28 - A Man Called Smart: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Put up your hands.

That's an interesting
device you've got there...

First a ladder, then a rope.

- What else does it do?
- Oh,

Well, I'm glad you asked.

You see, it's a
flashlight, a camera...

Hand it over.

It's also a parachute.

Chief: yes, I will, sir.

We're all here so we
might as well get started.

What I'm about to tell you must
not leave this room. It's top security.

Top security? That calls
for the cone of silence, chief.

Max, how do you expect to get five
people into something that small?

Thinking like that would have
put the volkswagen people

Out of business a long time ago.

- Max!
- sorry, chief,

But the manual calls
for the cone of silence.

Anytime a situation
like this arises,

You must follow the manual.

All right, max, lower it,

Lower it, lower it!

Take this chair away. Okay, 99, you
get around there with the chief.

You get in here with
me. No, 99, get in front

Of the chief a
little bit. That's it.

Okay, beautiful, beautiful,

Very good. That's perfect.

See, chief? I told
you it could be done.

Look at that. There's
room for one more man.

Come on.

- Okay, chief, go ahead.
- Dr. Waldo smith...

- What?
- Dr. Waldo smith of our p.l.k. Lab,

The man who invented
the stolen formula 6076767.

- What's the number?
- 6076... Never mind.

It's a false number used
to protect the identity

Of the real number.

What's the purpose
of this formula, chief?

I'm sorry, 99, I can't hear
you. That's my bad ear.

Oh, do you mind?

I said what is the purpose
of the formula, chief?

You don't have to yell
now, 99. That's my good ear.

- What?
- That's my good ear.

I'm sorry, chief. What is
the purpose of the formula?

We don't know, but if it
falls into the hands of kaos,

There is no hope
for our country.

Chief, is there any evidence
as to who might have stolen it?

- What?
- I asked, is there any evidence...

Hold... Hold it a minute, fella.

Why don't you get around
to the front of the cone?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I asked, do you have any leads?

- We have been approached.
- By whom?

What?

Listen, would you mind stepping
to the rear of the cone?

That's much better.

Now who approached you, chief?

We don't know who
it was. It was a call

From an informer.
He said he'd call back.

- When?
- What?

Not what, when?

- When what?
- Listen, chief,

Can we get out of this stupid
cone? We can't hear each other.

What, max?!

That's all for now. Ashkenazi,
crilleader, return to your posts.

- Right, sir.
- Yes, sir.

- Who are they, chief?
- Well...

Forget it!

Well, chief, I guess there's
nothing left for us to do

But to stay here and
wait for that phone call.

Excuse me, 99. Hello?

It's dr. Smith.

Hold on, dr. Smith, we'll
put you on the screen.

Max: the professor
sure took a beating

when kaos stole the formula.

Hello, dr. Smith,
how are you feeling?

Fine, except for this
brain concussion.

Any news from our informer?

Not yet. Dr. Smith,

Could you describe the
capabilities of your formula?

Oh, yes, certainly.
It's a catalytic agent

That turns water into vapor.

Uh, pardon me.

One drop of it is powerful
enough to dry up a body of water

The size of lake erie
in less than an hour.

we have some
photographic evidence here...

Yes, that might
prove illuminating.

Finletter, my assistant,
was on this boat.

He was att*cked by kaos
agents, and in order to escape them

He dove overboard,
forgetting he had

An ounce of the
formula in his pocket.

This is the same body of
water after he landed in it.

Poor finletter.

He's the only man who
ever drowned in dirt.

If kaos does control this
formula, in a matter of days

Every american will die
of thirst and starvation.

Pardon me.

Is our connection getting fuzzy?

No.

Then I'm going to faint.

- Dr. Smith! Dr. Smith!
- Chief, contact's been made on my phone.

The informant wants
to make an arrangement.

- He's gonna call back in five minutes.
- Thank you, crilleader.

- At last.
- Who's assigned to this case, chief?

Let's see who's number's up.



- Is agent 84 out there?
- Man: not here.



not here either.

Agent 86?

That's me, chief.

Man: melvin spearman,
paging mr. Melvin spearman.

Boy, I'm mr. Spearman.

Phone for you,
sir. Right this way.

- Hello, chief.
- How'd you know it was me, max?

Well, you see, chief,
you're the only one

That I gave the cover
name melvin spearman to.



You're using more than
one pseudonym on this case?

That's right, chief.

You see, that
way, if I get a call

And I'm not able to answer it

At least I know
who to call back.

Seems to make sense,
and that worries me.

- Have you made contact yet, max?
- No, I haven't, chief.

Our man certainly picked an
odd place to hold a meeting.

There's a big awards
luncheon here

And the place is
full of celebrities.

Milton steeple, paging
mr. Milton steeple.

- Hold on a minute, chief.
- Milton...

- I'll take that.
- But it's not for you, mr. Spearman,

- It's for mr. Milton steeple.
- I'm milton steeple.

- You're mr. Steeple, mr. Spearman?
- Yes.

Steeple is my maiden name.

Here's another half-dollar.

Hello, 99?

Hello, max. I'm at the
control savings & loan bank.

How much money do you need?

Well, I haven't
made contact yet.

You can only
withdraw $25,000, max.

Only $25,000? Why?

There's a new ceiling on bribes.

That's ridiculous!

Did you tell them it could mean
the end of the united states?

How do you think I
got them up to $25,000?

Hold on, 99.

Hello, chief? 99 Tells
me that the top price

They'll pay for
information is $25,000.

That's right, max. We're trying

To cooperate with the
president, fight inflation.

But, chief, $25,000 is no kind of
money to pay for information.

Maxwell smart!
Paging maxwell smart!

- 86, aren't they paging maxwell smart?
- yes, chief.

- Aren't you going to answer it?
- No, sir.

why not?

I'm not using the name
maxwell smart on this case.

Max, that could be the contact.

- Paging maxwell smart!
- I'm maxwell smart.

You're maxwell smart too?

Well, you should have told me
sooner. We've got a special today,

Three for $1.

That phone.

- Hello?
- Smart?

- Who is this?
- I've got the information you want.

I think it's time
we met and talked.

Hold on.

- Chief?
- No, max, this is 99.

- How much do you want?
- I don't know yet. Hold on.

- Hello, chief?
- No, max, this is 99.

Hold on.

Hello, chief, he
wants to make a deal.

- Ask him how much.
- Right.

How much do you want?

Max, that's what I asked you.

Sorry, wrong number.

- How much do you want?
- What's your top?

$25,000.

- Honestly?
- Have I ever lied to you?

All right. Meet
me at precisely 4:00

In the revolving
door of the hotel.

in the revolving door?

That way you're
always in front of me.

Yes, hold on.

Hello, chief, $25,000 is okay.

I'm to meet him in the revolving
door at this hotel, 4:00.



Tell her to meet me
under the lobby clock.

Right, chief.

Hello? You're to meet the
chief under the lobby clock.

What did you say?

Max: sorry, sir,
I'll connect you.

Hello, 99, meet the chief at
the hotel under the clock.

Right, max.

Hello, it's a deal.

- 4:00, in the revolving door.
- 4:00.

Everything's set.
Goodbye, chief.

So long, 99.

Goodbye, whoever you are.

Siegelman! Paging
miss mildred siegelman!

Mildred siegelman?

I don't think so, but I'd
better take it just in case.

Hello, this is mildred.

Don't turn around, mr. Smart.

Well, you certainly took your
sweet time about getting here.

I had to be careful. I
thought I was being followed.

- You have the money?
- You have the information?

Not until I get the money.

First the information.

- The money!
- The information.

All right, we can keep going around
in circles like this all night long.

maybe you can,

But I've got just about one
more trip left in me before...

I think that was it.

All right, I'll trust you.

The formula was stolen by...

Right over there
on the couch, max.

I'm in pain.

Don't exert yourself.

- 99, Get the house doctor, will you?
- Right away, chief.

Max, do you have
any idea who this is?

i've seen that face
somewhere before, chief.

I've got it! That's
russell bediyoskin,

The famous movie actor.
He plays character parts.

Are you sure?

I'm in pain.

Are you russell bediyoskin?

Help, I'm...

You recognized me.

Are you kidding? You're
one of my favorite actors.

i'll never forget
your great dying scene

in "the edge of darkness."

I... I'm very good at dying.

In my new picture I do a
dying scene you won't believe.

Authentic.

I never knew how authentic.

You'll never top
"edge of darkness."

Max, forget the movies. Ask him.

- Ask him what?
- You know what. Ask him.

Chief, I can't ask a man for
his autograph at a time like this.

That's all right.
Have you got a pen?

Mr. Bediyoskin, we
just want to know:

Who was it that
stole the formula?

What?

- What'd he say?
- He wants to be turned around.

- This is his good side...
- Man: chief, kaos is on tv!

Man: and if we do not receive

$1 billion... I repeat,

$1 Billion... Within 48 hours,

We will unleash
the terrifying power

Of formula 6076767.

your country will be
turned into a wasteland.

Remember, friends,

Now only kaos
has formula 6076767,

known to scientists
around the world

By the trade name "dry up."

D-r-y-u-p!

A product now of
kaos, incorporated.

That's not a bad little show.

Oughta be on earlier
for the kiddies.

What do you make of this, max?
Do you think they're bluffing?

Pardon me, sir.

Your vest button is flashing.

Get lost, fella.

I hate drunks.

What are you,
some kind of a bigot?

- What's with your vest?
- It's my shoe phone, chief.

I had a light installed
instead of a ring.

It's less conspicuous.

It certainly is.



Yes, sir. Yes, he is, sir.

Just a moment, sir.

- What'd you just do?
- I put the call on hold.

It's for you, chief. It's him.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir,
we saw the telecast.

Yes, in color. Yes,
it was very pretty.

No, sir, we haven't been
idle. We have a witness.

Unfortunately, he's been shot

And we have to rush
him to a hospital.

Don't worry, sir, we'll
get that formula back,

Even if it means our lives.

Yes, sir. He's calling
an emergency session

Of all our top
security officials.

What did he say, chief,

When you told him we'd get the
formula back even if it meant our lives?

He said we'd have to do better
than that. Here's the doctor now.

doctor?

Yes, I'm the hotel
doctor. You sent for me?

- Yes, right this way, doctor.
- All right.

- Is this the patient?
- Yes he is.

- He's been shot.
- I'm the doctor, I'll make the diagnosis.

Please hurry up. This is a
government emergency.

How does bediyoskin
fit into all this?

Why does a man of his reputation
need money so desperately?

Man: i can answer that.

And just who are you?

I am otto hurrah.

The same otto hurrah
who made "edge of morning"?

The same, the
only, the original.

I'm glad you liked the picture.

You did like the picture?

I liked it so much,
I saw it once.

Mr. Hurrah, do you
know russell bediyoskin?

- Do I know russell bediyoskin?
- Yes.

It's unfortunate.
He's my friend...

My friend who gambled
away his home, his wife,

And now perhaps his life.

Please, I would like to help.

If he needs anything...
Money, blood, publicity...

What kind of
gambler is bediyoskin?

A losing one. It
doesn't matter...

Horses, dice, cards... He loses.

He's always on the edge of ruin.

Edge... Of ruin...

Not a bad title.

I love it.

Chief, the hotel doctor
is coming right down.

He's here already, 99.

That's not the hotel doctor.

- Are you sure?
- I'm absolutely positive.

The hotel doctor is a
woman. I just spoke to her.

A hypodermic needle?

Good work, max. Is he dead?

I think so, chief. Unless the
stuff in that hypodermic needle

Is penicillin, and
I don't think it is.

Whatever he was going
to inject bediyoskin with,

It would have
k*lled him instantly.

This is terrible!

One man k*lled and another man
wounded. Where are the police?

Well, we called them
before, but the line was busy.

Well, if you have no further
need for me, I will be on my way.

Otto hurrah will say goodbye.

Goodbye.

Chief, we've got to get
bediyoskin out of here right away.

Right. If we don't,
kaos will k*ll him

Before we can get him into
protective custody at the hospital.

But we'd better use our own
ambulance, disguised, of course.

What's available to us, 99?

Well, we have one ambulance
disguised as a flower truck

And another disguised
as a bakery truck.

No good. We can't have them
speeding without attracting attention.

Max: wait a minute, chief.

Don't we have an ambulance
disguised as a garbage truck?

How can you explain a garbage
truck going 80 miles an hour in traffic?

Special delivery?

We have an ambulance
disguised as an ambulance.

We'll use the bakery truck.

- We'll have to get him out the back way.
- I don't think

We should lift him. We'd better
carry him out on the couch.

Men...

Larrabee, clear
the lobby. Careful.

Now we'll have to find somebody

To substitute for bediyoskin
in the regular ambulance.

Yes, and we're gonna need
another couch too, chief.

Chief, whoever goes in that
ambulance is on a su1c1de mission.

I know, 99, but we've
got to have a decoy.

Who have you got in mind, chief?

Both: you, max.

Good luck, max.

Chief, what's wrong?

Nothing, 99. It's just not easy

Sending men out on missions
knowing they may never come back.

Last week... Two assignments,
two agents k*lled...

Balzac and nicholson.

I feel like a jinx.

Oh, chief, you're
just having bad luck.

He's having better luck
than balzac and nicholson.

Chief: over here, men.

Now be gentle with him. He's
got a b*llet lodged in his ribcage.

Move the coffee table.

Be careful.

Gentlemen.

What hospital are
you taking him to?

washington general.

So far so good. Now we've
got to take care of bediyoskin.

Right, chief.

Got your sil*ncer on?

Okay, let him have it.

Hold it. It's a cop.