01x10 - Backpack

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Okay, "You're having
a slumber party

"and your best friend
dares you to call

the boy you have a crush on.
What do you do?"

- That depends.
How cute is the boy?

- [laughs]

- Okay,
why are you guys reading

Teen Girl magazine?
- To learn stuff.

- About what?
- Teen girls.

- Ah.

- All right,
skip to the next one.

- Okay, okay, um...
ooh, here we are.

"Your best friend borrows
your lip gloss without asking."

- [gasps]
- Yeah, yeah. Okay.

"Do you, A,
get a new best friend,

B, push her down a flight
of stairs, or, C"--

- What?
It doesn't say that.

- I know, but I feel it should
definitely be an option.

- Well, I say B.
Down the stairs she goes.

[both laugh]
- [scoffs] You guys are sick.

- Yeah.
- We pretty much are.

- Hey, Zo,
they don't have grapes.

You want some raisins?
- No. I hate raisins.

- Why do you hate raisins?

- They're all wrinkly.
I feel like I'm eating

little, bitty old people.

- And we're sick?

- Ohh! Hey, you have
those little Goo Pops.

- Yeah. We just got 'em in.

You want some Goo?
- Yeah.

I wanna buy...
a raspberry and a lime.

Hey, Zoey, come over here.
You gotta taste this.

- What is it?

- Goo Pops.
They're awesome.

- How do I open it?
- Oh, easy.

You just bite the tip,

then you just squeeze.

Wait.
It's not coming out.

[growls]

[gasps]

- It came out.

NICOLE: Well?

- I'm sorry,
it won't come out.

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to buy the backpack.

- Aw, man!
- How much is it?

- With tax, $50.

- Ow!
I don't have 50 bucks.

- Well, maybe you can
borrow it from a friend.

- Whoa-h*!
Look at the time.

- We're late.

[bell chimes]

- I have 30.

- I have 20.

- Not anymore.

Thanks, Zoey.
I really feel bad.

- Here.
Then have another Goo Pop.

- Thanks.
I don't know why that other one

squirted out like that.

All I did was squeeze a little,
like this.

[gasps]

- Leaf quality:

firm yet spongy.

- Hey, Quinn.
- What's up?

- This.

- A banana tree?

- It was, until I altered
its genetic structure.

- So it's not a banana tree
anymore?

QUINN: No, sir.

Now it's a banapple tree.

- Sure.

- You see, my two favorite
fruits of all time

are the banana...

and the apple,

so I crossbred their DNA
to create

the very first banapple tree.

When these fruit babies
turn red,

they'll be ready
for chewing.

- So, let me get this
straight.

You're growing
a new fruit

that's half apple
and half banana?

- That is correct.

- [snickers]

- Fine.
Laugh now.

But when these ripen
and turn red,

get ready for the best
fruit experience

of your lifetime.
- Okay.

- We'll be ready.
Later.

- See ya.

- Mmm!

Hurry up and mature.

I can't wait.

[static on radio]

- Stupid backpack.

Stupid Goo Pop stain.

- You know, you could
still use the backpack.

- No, I can't.
It's all--

- Stupid?

- Yeah.
[sighs]

[static]

Would you guys just pick
a radio station already?

That static
is driving me insane.

- I'm trying.

Chase, can you fix our stereo?

- Ah, uh,
let me take a look.

[changing stations, static]

Man, how old is this thing?
It's, like, prehistoric.

MICHAEL: Yeah, it looks like
it's from the '80s.

- Thanks.

[static]

- What's up, Zoe, Nicole?

- Nothing.
What you guys up to?

- About to catch a movie
on campus.

- Yeah, we're seeing
Spider-Bat.

- You wanna come with?

- We can't!

- Okay,
and, uh, why the screaming?

- She's mad 'cause
we don't have any money left.

- 'Cause I had to spend it all
on this stupid backpack.

[scoffs]

- Did you hear that,
backpack?

- Apparently,
you're very stupid.

- Very.
- Later.

- Bye.

[balloon pops]

[mournful pop music playing]

[door opens]

[balloon pops]
[door closes]

[balloon pops]

- Hey.
- Hey.

[balloon pops]
- Um, what are you doing?

- sh**ting unpopped
popcorn kernels at balloons.

[balloon pops]

- That's how you're spending
your Friday night?

- It's all I can afford
to do.

[balloon pops]

Where have you been
all night?

- Making something.

[balloon pops]

Ta-da!

- Whoa!
That's such a cool backpack.

- I'm glad you think so,
'cause it's yours.

- Huh?
- It's the one you bought

this afternoon.
- [gasps] It is.

How'd you do this?
- I just...did it.

- Wow, you covered up the goo
and everything.

- Yep. No more goo.

- It's pink.
My banapple is pink!

- What does that mean?

- Soon they'll be ripe
and red,

and I will have
successfully crossbred

the banana and the apple

to create the best fruit
in the universe!

[door opens, closes]

[door opens]
- I love this.

- Cool backpack.

[door closes]

- Okay,
geometry is impossible.

I mean,
what is a trapezoid?

- It's a quadrilateral
with two parallel sides.

- But I-I thought
that was a rhombus.

- No.
Weren't you listening in class?

- A rhombus is
an equilateral parallelogram.

- Okay, but what is
a parallelogram?

- I'm not telling you again.

Look in your textbook.

- Hey, Nicole,
where'd you get the backpack?

- Oh, Zoey made it.
- really?

- Yeah.
- I want one.

- You know,
these are pretty cool.

You should,
like, make a guy's version.

- Totally.

- Okay. Gimme.

Don't you wanna
get your books out

so you can study later?

- Oh, gross!

- Okay, I'll call you
when it's ready.

CHASE: Cool.

Oh, wait!
What's a parallelogram?

- It's a four-side
plane figure

with opposite parallel sides.
Doi!

- Yeah?
Well, I'm taller than you.

- Okay, what do you think?

[all murmuring]
- Awesome!

You sure this is
my same backpack?

- Of course.
- Oh, yeah.

There's the b*llet hole.

Kidding.

- Zoey, these are so cool.

When are you gonna do mine?
- And mine?

- Soon, I promise.

- You know what, Zo?
You should sell these.

- Hey, that is
a really good idea.

- I know.
- Ah, I don't know.

- Seriously,
if these were in a store,

people would totally
buy 'em.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- In a heartbeat.

- You really think so?
- I'd buy one, except, you know,

I already got this one
for free,

so it'd be pretty silly
for me to

buy another one when I already,
um--

this is free, right?

- I'll think about it.

[laughter]

- Excuse me. Hi.
Sorry to eavesdrop.

I was just putting up these
flyers for the senior bake sale.

Um, Zoey, right?
- Uh-huh.

- Did you really make
these backpacks?

- Yeah.
- How talented is she?

- Extremely.
Hey, you mind if I take

a couple pics
for the school paper?

- Go ahead.
- Great.

[camera beeps]

This is so cool.
Really great job.

- Hey, uh, do you want
to take a pic

with the backpack on me?

- Yeah, not really.

- Yeah.
I--I didn't want to.

- This is so genius.
Let me see that one.

[camera beeps]
Nice.

- It's now been three weeks

since my banapple tree
first fruited.

Color?

Reddish orange.

Texture?

Smooth.

Smell?

[sniffing]

Banapple-ly.

Wait.

What is this?

[seagulls cawing]

Birds.
This isn't over!

Nobody messes with my
banapples, ya hear me, demons?

[seagulls cawing]

Don't worry,
my mutant little fruits.

I'll protect you.

- So what do you
want to do tonight?

- I don't know.
Rent a movie?

- With what money?

- Oh, yeah.
Well, we could, uh...

sh**t balloons
with a slingshot.

- I already shot 'em all,

and balloons cost


Man, it stinks being poor,
doesn't it?

- Kinda.
- So psyched.

So I called my boyfriend...

- Hey, did you see
those backpacks?

- Yeah.
- I love it.

Don't you just love it?

- Okay, what is going on?

- That is.

- Thank you.
- Ooh, check out this one.

- Come on.

- Oh, hi, girls.
Hey, if you want to buy

one of my backpacks,
you'd better hurry.

They're selling fast.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Zoey.

- What's going on?

What?
- That!

- Hey, I thought you said
you didn't want to sell

your backpacks.
- I did.

I mean, I didn't.

I mean,
I did say that I didn't

want to sell 'em.

- Wait. So those aren't
your backpacks?

- No.
That mean chick Stacy

stole Zoey's idea.
- Oh, hey, remember.

There'll be more
Backpacks by Stacy in next week.

Tell your friends.

- [sighs]

Um...hi.

- Hi.
Is there a problem?

- Yeah, there's a problem.

You stole Zoey's backpack idea.

- I'm sorry,
I have no idea

what you're talking about.
- Yeah, you do.

- Would you like to buy
one of my backpacks?

- Dude, we know
that these were Zoey's idea.

- I'm sorry.
We're closed.

Come back another day.
- You're not closed.

- Yeah.
You're just a table.

You can't close a table.

She closed the table.

- Let's get outta here.

- Thank you.
Come again.

[mouthing words]

- Maybe you can sue her.

You know, my uncle's a lawyer,
and he just got out of jail.

So he's, like, available.

- [scoffs]
I'm not gonna sue the girl.

- Why not?
- Because I'm 13,

and 13-year-olds
don't sue people.

- Well, they should.

Michael, don't you think Zoey
should sue that girl?

[music plays on headphones]

Michael!

- Ow!
- Man, you're good

with projectiles,
aren't you?

- Did you just hit me
with this raisin?

You could've put my eye out!

- I was trying
to get your attention.

- Well, excuse me,
but I got 30,000 songs

to listen to on this thing.

- You got the new one?
How do you like it?

- I love it,
except for these headphones.

I hate sticking these things
in my ear,

'cause after a while,
it starts to hurt, you know?

- Can we talk about
Zoey's backpack situation,

please?

- You guys
want to talk backpacks?

Seen the school paper today?

- Why? What's in it?

- Oh, just a little article
about Stacy's backpacks.

- What?
- Check the headline.

- "Backpack Attack."

- Hey, that's really clever.

Well, it rhymes.

- Oh, and it gets worse.

Stacy's backpacks--
the PCA bookstore,

wants to start selling 'em.
MICHAEL: No way.

- Yeah way,
and they're gonna give her

a big cut of the profits.
- No way.

- Once again,
yeah way.

MICHAEL:
Man, this is unbelievable.

Stacy's gonna be rich.

- That headline should say,

"Stacy: A Big Ol'
Backpack Stealer."

Or something clever.

- Well, at least we know
these were Zoey's idea.

Ah, man,
these books are heavy.

Michael, rub my shoulders.

- Have you lost your mind?

- Come on. I hurt.

Friends don't let
other friends hurt.

- Well, these headphones
are hurting my ears.

What, you want to massage
my ear hole?

Come on. Massage it.
Stick your finger in there.

- Fine! I'll massage
my own shoulders.

NICOLE: Zoey, are you
just gonna let that

nasty Stacy get rich
off your idea?

- Does it say
when the bookstore's

gonna start selling
her backpacks?

- Yeah. It says Stacy's
having some big meeting

there this Friday.

- Interesting.

- Ooh,
you're thinking things.

- Yeah, she's definitely
thinking things.

- Um...Quinn?

- Hmm?

- What are you doing?

- Erecting a scarecrow
to protect my banapples

from evil birds.

- Oh, so that's supposed
to scare 'em off?

- No.

- Then how does it
protect your fruit?

- Here, I'll show you.
Give me your hat.

- Why?

- Give it to me.

Now, watch what happens

when your hat
encroaches upon the fruit.

[laser fires]

[sizzling]

- You know what?
I should stop asking you

so many questions.

- So I just expanded
on my original idea

and created these
different styles.

- Great. Just great.
You know, kids come in here

every day
asking if we sell these.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, and I'm always

telling 'em, "No, we don't sell
Backpacks by Stacy."

But does that stop 'em?
Nope.

STACY: Wow.
That is so great.

- So you ready
to talk business?

- I am.
So all of these...

- Zoey, the rabbit's
in the hole.

ZOEY: Huh? What rabbit?

- [sighs] Stacy's here,
and the deal's going down.

And you try to be cool...

- Are these for sale yet?
- Yeah. When do they go on sale?

- Hey, hey!
I'm trying to make a deal

with the girl.

[all murmuring]

- Guys,
look how cool this is.

- Okay,
I provide my backpacks,

you sell them for $70 apiece;

out of that, $67 goes to me,
and then you get to keep--

- Hey, everybody!
Come outside.

You've gotta see this!

- Let's check it out.

- Afternoon.

- What's going on?

- Uh, I don't--I don't know.

Uh, sir! Sir!

- Okay, these are insane.

- Aren't they?
- Yeah!

- So cool.

GIRL: I so gotta have one.

- What's all the fuss about?

- I-I don't know.
Let's go back inside, hmm?

Eh--no, sir, wrong way.

Sir, over here! Sir!

- Excuse me.
What's going on here?

- Oh, I'm just
selling my backpacks.

- Backpacks by Zoey.

- Hey, uh, Zoey,
this feels awesome.

- What does he mean,
"feels awesome"?

- Well, see, Zoey's backpacks
have some cool new features.

- Sir, we were
about to make a deal.

- Wait.
What do you mean by features?

- Oh, you see,
you just turn this knob,

and it massages your back.

[backpack vibrating]
Oh, oh, yeah!

Oh, that's nice.

That is tremendous.

- Oh, you wanna try one?

- And then...

[backpack vibrating]
- Oh...

Oh!

Oh-h*-h*-h*.
This feels good.

- Sir, our meeting?

- And if you
really wanna relax,

turn the other knob.

MAN: ♪ Turn it up,
I just... ♪

- Oh, my God.
It's a radio too?

- Yes, sir, and you can plug
an MP3 player into it.

- So you can listen to music
without having

to stick headphones
in your ear.

- Great.
Fantastic idea.

- You're right.
Just look around.

People love 'em.

- Excuse me.
I wanna buy a Backpack by Zoey.

- But you already have
a Backpack by Stacy.

- Yeah. It's lame.

- [whimpers]

- I love this one,

and it vibrates
and plays music?

- That's right.
- I want it.

- Uh, you're Zoey, right?
- That's me.

- Listen, you want
to make a deal

so we can sell your backpacks
at the PCA bookstore?

- Excuse me!
- Come on, Zoey.

We have a lot to talk about.

- Sir! Wait!
What about my backpacks?

- Oh, uh, there's one
in the trash over there.

- [screams]

- Okay, I know
there's been a lot of questions

about my backpack deal
with the bookstore.

- No, not a lot of questions.

- Just one.
How much you gonna make?

- Yeah, how much cash
we talking here?

[everyone talking]

- Hey! Hey!

[whistles]
[talking stops]

Just so you know,
I didn't take any money.

- Okay, um,
that's a bad deal.

- No, instead of the money,

I asked for something cool,

something we could all use.

You ready?
[all murmuring]

[all exclaiming]

- Look at that thing.
- I know.

- Well, quit yapping
and juke it up.

[beeping]

[whirring]

- Isn't it cool?

- Nice.
- Beyond cool.

- Yep. That is definitely
juke-tastic.

- Hey.
- Michael, where you been?

- Well, I had to
finish up some homework.

Hey, how come Quinn's
all upset?

- Where is she?

- Outside
by her crazy tree.

Man, that's juke-tastic.

- Where did I go wrong?

- Hey, Quinn.
- What's the matter?

- My banapple tree bites.

- Well, what's the problem
with it?

- I don't know.
I guess something must have

gone wrong when I combined
the molecular structure.

- What, the banapples
don't taste good?

- No, and they're dangerous.

- Dangerous? How?

- Their juice is like
a powerful acid.

Here, look.

Back to square one.

[sighs]

- My bike!

- Hey,
love the backpack, Zoey.

- You're a genius.

- Thanks.

- You did good, Zo.

- Yeah, she did.

- Ow. Ow!
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Ow-ow-ow! Ow.
Ow!

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

QUINN: You hear me, demons?