02x06 - Broadcast Views

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- No, cheddar's way better
than Swiss.

Honestly.
- Nicole?

- Hi.

- What's wrong?

- Stuff.

- What stuff?

- I--I think I may have gotten
a D on my algebra test.

- You're a straight-A
student.

- Yeah. Those were the days.

- All right, what happened?

- Lance McAlister, Daniel
James, and Harry Matheau,

that's what happened.

[scoffs]
- Are you following this?

- No. And I have an I.Q.
of 177.

- [scoffs]
- How could you not understand

the problem?
The 3 cutest guys

in the ninth grade sitting
all around me,

and I'm supposed to
concentrate on algebra?

- Well, when you're in class,
just focus on the work

and forget about
the cute guys.

- Yeah, like that's possible.

- Well, you better figure out
something,

'cause it's not gonna help
to just drown

your sorrows
in popcorn and Blix.

- Ok, you two give bad advice.
Where's Zoey?

- Hanging out in the boy's dorm

watching Chase and Michael
do their webcast.

- Webcast?

- It's just this little comedy
show they do together

that people can watch online.

- What kind of comedy?

- And we're right now...

- Here on the Chase
and Michael Show...

- My boy Chase will gargle the
National Anthem with coffee.

- While Michael
trims his nose hairs

with a professional
nose hair trimmer.

- Heh.

- And...
- We begin.

[gargling National Anthem]

[coughs]

[coughing]

- Uh, uh, ok.

While I make sure
my buddy Chase here

doesn't choke to death,

please enjoy
this fine cartoon

featuring us...
in toon form.

[Chase coughs]

- ♪ My name is Chase ♪
- ♪ My name is Michael ♪

- ♪ I'm hopping,
I'm hopping up and down ♪

- ♪ I'm hopping, I'm hopping
up and down, up and down ♪

- You all right, man?
- Yeah.

It's just a little coffee
in my lungs.

No biggie.

So, uh, how do you like
the show so far?

- It's funny.

- It could not be worse.

- Can you say one nice thing
to someone once?

- Sure. You look pretty hot
in those jeans.

- You're disgusting.

- Look, I'm just trying to
give these guys

some constructive criticism

so they don't get trashed
in the school paper again.

- Huh?

- This reporter for
The Daily Stingray

reviews our show every week.

- And every time, he slams us.

- Maybe that's why only 7 kids
at PCA watch it.

- 9! Thank you.

- Yeah.
Come on, we're back.

MICHAEL: ♪ It's Michael,
Michael is my name ♪

- ♪ That is Michael
next to me ♪

♪ I am Chase ♪

- Okay, and we're back
with some more of

the Chase and Michael
show.

Logan: Which is lame.

- And that was the voice

of our highly obnoxious roommate
Mr. Logan Reese.

- Say hi to our viewers.

- Wow, I've never said hi to


- Isn't he sweet?

- Oh, and now say hello to
a special friend

of the Chase
and Michael show.

- No, no, no. Come on,
don't, don't, don't--

- Miss Zoey Brooks.

Say hi, Zoey.
- Hi.

- So, Zoey, what should Chase
and I talk about next?

- I don't know. Movies?
- Ooh, yeah.

Talk about how
girls like stupid movies.

- Excuse me?

- So, Michael, what kind of
movies do you like?

- Well, Chase, I mostly
go for--

- What do you mean girls like
stupid movies?

- I think you know what I mean.

- Why don't you two take this
outside, huh?

- All girls want to see are
dumb, sappy love stories.

- Trying to do a show here.
- All you wanna see is stuff

getting blown up.
- That's better than

romantic chick flicks.
- I'd rather see

a romantic chick flick
than a dumb car chase.

- You don't even know what
you're talking about.

- I know exactly what
I'm talking about.

- Guys always pick better
movies than girls.

- No, girls pick way better
movies than guys.

- People want to see action.
They don't want to see 2 idiots

fall in love and go to Paris.

You wouldn't know a good movie
if you saw one.

- You know what?
You are the worst.

- ♪ Don't want to seem
too eager... ♪

- Hey, you gonna
eat that cookie?

- ♪ Do you now?... ♪

- Was that necessary?
- Yes.

- Man, you ruined our show.

- Hey, Zoey started it.

- No, you started it.

- Ok, you both ruined it.
How about that?

- Which is why from now on
when we do our show,

you can't be in the room.

- I live there.
- Yes, but together

Michael and I
can overpower you.

- So you're out.
- Ha ha.

- You too, laughy.
- What?

- Dude.
- She can't come over

while we're doing the show,
either.

She's banned.

For life.
- Aw, come on.

- It's fine. I promise
not to come over

and ruin your little
show again.

- Hey, you guys read today's
Stingray?

- No. How bad did our show
get trashed this time?

- Check it out.

- Ok. Da-da-da-da.
"The usually lame

Chase and Michael show was
actually pretty good yesterday."

- Hey, he called us
pretty good.

- I heard me.
- Keep reading.

- Ok. "The usual silly gags
were replaced with

"a lively, spirited debate

between Zoey Brooks
and Logan Reese."

- Interesting.
ZOEY: What else does it say?

- "The new addition of debates
between Zoey and Logan

make the
Chase and Michael show

"a must-see webcast
here at PCA.

Wednesday afternoons at
ChaseandMichael.com."

- Hey, our show got its first
good review.

- Uh-huh. Too bad I'm not
allowed in our room anymore

while you're doing it.
- Yeah, and too bad

I'm banned for life.

- So, um, Zoey.

- Heh heh, Logan.

- Please be in our show.

- Please.

- ♪ Don't wanna put it all
out there ♪

- Man, if I don't figure out
a way to stop being distracted

by cute guys, I'm gonna flunk
algebra and end up a hobo.

- Would you open to hypnosis?

- Ooh, hypnosis.

- What do you mean?
- Well, once I was in this play

and I had to cry, right?
But I couldn't,

so my acting coach
used this hypnosis technique

to help me cry
whenever I wanted to.

- So you think you can
hypnotize me

to stop being
distracted by cute guys?

- Mm-hmm.
- It's worth a sh*t.

- Ok, Quinn and I will look up

some different hypnosis
techniques online,

and in a couple
of days we'll...

stop thinking about cute guys!

- Sorry.
- Ugh!

- And welcome back to the Chase
and Michael show.

- And now, for your viewing
enjoyment, we present a new,

ultra-cool, regular feature on
the show, which we call--

- He Says, She Says,

with Zoey Brooks
and Logan Reese.

- Their topic tonight--
would a woman

make a better president of
the United States than a man?

- Hmm.

- Absolutely not.

- You're an idiot.

LOGAN: A woman cannot be
president of the United States.

ZOEY: Name one reason.
LOGAN: Because girls

are too emotional.
Every time she gets a pimple,

she'll cry, then start
a w*r with Switzerland.

- Ok, that is
the stupidest thing

I've ever heard anyone say.

- Well, pimples do
make me upset.

But I'm not gonna blow up
Switzerland.

- Quinn, hurry up and hook up
your laptop so we can all see.

- I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying.

Stupid U.S.B. port.

ZOEY: Look, girls may be more
emotional than guys,

but we're way less violent.
LOGAN: And your point is?

ZOEY: That if a woman was
president,

maybe we'd be less
likely to go to w*r.

LOGAN: What's wrong with w*r?

ZOEY: Oh, my God.

- Ok, Logan,
your closing argument.

- Guys make better leaders,
and everybody knows it.

- Zoey, final thoughts.

- A woman would make a better
president, and Logan's a moron.

- Why don't you just admit

that you're freakishly
attracted to me?

ZOEY: Fine, I admit it.
So, you wanna make out?

- Sure.
- Good. Pucker up.

Pfft!
- Oh!

Hey, this is not over!

- And that concludes today's
segment of He Says, She Says.

- We'll be right back with more
of the Chase and Michael show.

- Man, Zoey and Logan
were fired up.

- Yeah, man.
They were off the hizzy.

I'm sorry.

Hey, check out how many
people are watching us online.

- 264 people?!

- Uh-huh.
- We rock, dude.

- Yep. And I think these
Zoey-Logan debates

are gonna make the kids
here at PCA really think,

you know?
- Yeah.

It might really get people
talking.

[all shouting at once]

- Ok, ok, ok! Guys! Kids!

Come on! Please, please stop!

[overlapping shouting]

I am in charge here!

Please take your seats.

- Bender!

- Dean Rivers.
- Having a little trouble

controlling your class?

- Thing is, uh,
they got all whipped up

about this debate they saw
last night on a webcast.

- Whose webcast?

- Chase Matthews
and Michael Barret.

- How can a webcast--

- Dean Rivers. Dean Rivers,
some seventh grade boys

and girls are fighting down
by the gym.

- Fighting about what?

- Some webcast they saw
last night.

- You get Chase Matthews
and Michael Barret

down in my office
right now.

- Yes, sir.
- And you,

get your class under control.

- Consider that done.

[students shouting]

- Your little webcast has
disrupted the entire campus

of Pacific Coast Academy.

- Sir, we were just--

- Be quiet!

- You should be quiet.
- I'll be quiet.

- We don't need this kind of
trouble here at PCA.

So I'm putting a stop to it.

- And by "a stop" you mean?

- Your webcast is canceled.

- What?
- That's censorship.

- Yeah, we have a right
to free speech.

- You can't just cancel
our webcast.

He just canceled our webcast.

- Yep.

- Chase?
- Hey.

- What are you doing?

- Lying here.
On a hammock.

- Will you turn over
and talk to me?

- No.
- Why not?

- I'm depressed.

- Ok.

Boo.

- Hello.

- Want a grape?
- Feed me?

- I'm sorry Dean Rivers
canceled your show.

- Yeah, me, too.

- I feel like it's my fault.

- Come on. Before you and Logan
came on our webcast,

only, like,


We almost hit 300 last night
because of you guys.

I can't believe Dean Rivers
just canceled us.

- I know. It's censorship.

- Huh. That's what we told him.

Grape.

Oh, hey.

- A DVD?

- Yeah, I b*rned our last 2
shows on there for you.

It's good stuff, especially
you and Logan.

You should watch it.

- [sighs]

- Um, to watch it, you know,

you have to put it in a machine

hooked up to a TV set.
- Thank you, Chase.

- Nicole, do you hear me?

If you hear me, respond.

- I hear you.

- Ok, she's ready.
Go for it.

- Right.

Nicole,

listen to me carefully.

- Listen to her carefully.

- [clears throat]

In your algebra class,
there are many cute guys.

- So cute.

- But now when you look
at them,

you won't see them
for who they are.

You will see them as...

your grandfather.

- Her grandfather?

- My grandfather.

Paw-paw.

- Paw-paw?

- Ew.

- Ugh.

- She's right over there.
- Ok. Thanks very much.

Excuse me.
Zoey Brooks?

- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Jesse Freeman,

producer over at K-Coast 7.

- No way. Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Wait. K-Coast the TV station?

- Yeah. You watch some of
our shows?

- No, they're lame.
- Dude.

- Yeah. Dude.
- It's ok.

I'm not offended...
that much.

- So, you got the DVD?
- I did.

- What DVD?
- The one you gave me.

- You sent him the DVD?
- Yes, we already covered that.

So, what'd you think?
- I thought the show

was really terrific and that
it might be a good way

for K-Coast to build up
our teen audience.

- On TV?
- Mm-hmm.

You'd be seen by an audience
of over 50,000 people.

- Uh, deal.
- Deal?

- Yes, simple word. 4 letters.
- Now be quiet.

- Great. Just have a teacher
bring you down to the studio

at 4:30 on Monday.
I'll take care of the rest.

Sound good?
Zoey: Sounds awesome.

- Well then, I'll see ya Monday.
- Yeah, you will.

JESSE: All right.

- Bye.

Ok, you are amazing.
- Yes, I could kiss you.

- Me, too.
- Ok, you know what?

I'm sure
we'd all enjoy kissing Zoey,

but we have a TV show to plan.

- Yeah!
LOGAN: Right!

- Drinks.
- Drinks.

- I got my drink.

- So to solve the problem,
you need to multiply both sides

by the square root of
the original figure.

- Nicole, come give Grandpa
a big ole hug.

- Ohh!

- And then we take
the "y" coordinate.

- Nicole, come help Grandpa
do his laundry.

- Ohh!

- Nicole, go get Grandpa
his special ointment.

- Ugh.

- Nicole.

Nicole?

- Um, yes?

- Are you distracted?

- Nope. Not anymore.

Let's just
focus on algebra.

- So as I was saying...

- A real TV studio, man.
Can you believe it?

- Hey, guys.
Welcome to K-Coast.

- Hey, man.
- Listen, I'm gonna need

my hair and makeup done.

- We have people for that.
- Good.

- So, uh, where should
we set up our stuff?

- What stuff?
- We brought some props

for the comedy bits we do.
- Um...I guess I wasn't clear

when we talked back at PCA.

- Not clear about what?

- Well, uh, we're only
interested

in putting Zoey
and Logan on K-Coast.

- But it's the Chase
and Michael Show.

- And we're kinda
Chase and Michael.

- Michael.
- Chase.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Listen, I'm really sorry.

- Perfect.

- Ok, you know what,
we're not interested.

- Um, yes, we are.

- Not without Chase
and Michael.

- This face belongs on
television.

- No, there's no way--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Zoey, come here, come here.

- We're not doing this without
you and Michael.

- Look, that's really sweet,
but they don't want us.

- But it's your guys' show.

- No. Dean Rivers
canceled our show.

But you guys have a really
cool sh*t here.

And I want you to take it.

- First positions.

- Roll camera.
- Rolling.

- Speed.
- 7, 6.

- Has it started yet?
- It's about to.

MAN: And now live
in the afternoon,

He Says, She Says,
with your hosts,

Zoey Brooks and Logan Reese.

- Whoo!
Oh, my God! There they are!

- Where's Chase and Michael?

LOGAN: Hello. My name
is Logan Reese.

ZOEY: I'm Zoey Brooks.

- And today we're gonna talk
about some interesting topics.

First, girls and sports.

Now, I think it's fine
if girls want to have

their own little sports teams,

but they should not be allowed
to play on the guys' teams.

Zoey?

- Yeah, you're right.

GIRL: What?
GIRL: What?

- Huh?
- I said you're right.

LOGAN: Ok.

Let's move on to our
next topic, then.

- Ok.
LOGAN: Oh, yeah.

Ordering at restaurants.

I say girls take
way too long to order food.

Ew, I'm a girl.

I'll have a chopped salad.

But I want
the lettuce on the side.

[grumbling]

Guys are just like,
give me a cheeseburger.

End of story.

Zoey.

- I agree.

- What's she doing?

- Why isn't Zoey fighting back?

- Ok. For our next topic,

let's--let's talk about...

eating kittens.

I feel people should
eat more kittens.

Little itty bitty baby kitty
cats for breakfast.

You agree with that,
Zoey? Hmm?

- You wanna know what
I'd like to talk about?

- Yes.
- Censorship.

- Good. What's censorship?

- Censorship is when someone
stops you

from saying what you
wanna say.

And that's what happened to my
friends Chase and Michael.

- Uh, Zoey.

- Camera lady,
show Chase and Michael.

- Hello.

- Howdy do?

- Chase and Michael go to
Pacific Coast Academy with me,

and they had this really cool
webcast.

- Zoey--
- Shh.

And the Dean banned it,
and I say that's censorship,

which is wrong.

And if you agree,
go to PCA

and tell Dean Rivers
how you feel about censorship.

[all cheering]

- Go Zoey!

- Whoo!

- And that's a commercial.

- What was that?
- Yeah, are you insane?

- Zoey, that was great.

You just told like 50,000 people
what Dean Rivers did.

- I know.
- Do you realize

what's gonna happen?

[overlapping shouting]

- Will you people
get out of here?

Who allowed you on this campus?

Do I have to call the police?

- Dean Rivers,
I have Zoey and Logan here.

- Send them in.

Zoey and Logan.

- Hi, Dean Rivers.
- How you doing?

- How am I doing?
Look what you've done!

Those are tomatoes!

That is a waste of lycopene.

- Well, people get really upset
about censorship.

- Just make them go away.
- I'm sure they'll leave

if you let Chase and Michael
have their show back.

- No. I will not be pushed
around.

- Then you better tell them.

- Oh, I'll tell them.

All right, you people.
I am in charge of this school,

and Chase and Michael cannot
have their show back!

[overlapping shouting]

Tell Chase and Michael they can
have their show back.

- Seriously?
- Seriously.

- We got our show back! Oh!

- Zoey!
- Hey.

- You're back.

- Zoey, you were so awesome
on the show today.

- Thanks.

- Nicole, Harry Matheau
walking this way.

- Oh, my God.
- Hey, Nicole.

Me and some guys are gonna
catch a movie on campus later.

You wanna come?

- Well, yeah. I'd...

- Nicole, help me take out
my teeth.

- Ew!

- [laughing]

- Later.

- What'd I say?

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]
MAN: Mmm.

CHASE: ♪ I am hopping up
and down, up and down ♪