04x02 - Operation F.O.O.D.F.I.T.E./Operation C.L.U.E.S.

[bunniefuu]

- Man, I hate going to the

Cafeteria.

It's the same gross old crud

Every day.

- Relax, numbah 4.

The food is pretty gross.

But if you fight hard enough,

It'll stay down.

- All right, guys.

Let's just get this over with.

[ Rock music plays ]

- Uh, numbah 5 isn't so hungry

All of a sudden.

Come on!

- Yeah.

- Maybe we should grab a table - and...

[ Music intensifies ]

- ♪ I've got pork fat and - gravy flowing through my veins ♪

♪ I serve dead monkey pudding

And platypus brains ♪

♪ I'm grandmother stuffum

- ♪ Grandmother stuffum

- ♪ I came to the school

To feed you kids ♪

♪ And bake up pies

With jellied squids! ♪

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids were not put

On this earth to nibble ♪

- No!

- ♪ You all must be helpless

And fat ♪

- Yeah!

- ♪ That way you can't get

Yourself in trouble ♪

- No!

- ♪ While grandma gets to feed

You curried rat ♪

♪ I will stop you

With moose fondue ♪

♪ You will chow on

Tuna meltdown ♪

♪ Eat it

♪ Scarf it

♪ Bite it

♪ Cram it

♪ Down it

♪ Chow it

♪ Want it

♪ Pig out!

♪ I will make you

♪ Fatter!

♪ I came to this school

With my food

To conquer the young and rude ♪

♪ I'm grandmother stuffum

- ♪ Grandmother stuffum

- ♪ You must eat now

♪ Try my deep-fried boar

♪ But you just never listen

'Cause you're kids next door ♪

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids must eat

♪ Kids must eat!

♪ Kids were not put

On this earth to nibble ♪

- No!

- ♪ You all must be helpless

And fat ♪

- Yeah!

- ♪ That way you can't get

Yourself in trouble ♪

- No!

- ♪ While grandma gets to feed

You toasted bat ♪

♪ You can't b*at me

♪ You can't toast me

♪ You won't grill me

♪ You won't poach me

♪ Cook me

♪ Stew me

♪ Boil me

♪ Fry me

♪ Baste me

♪ Broil me

- ♪ Roast me - ♪ bake me

♪ You'll just make me...

- Yay! We won! We won!

- Well, that wasn't so bad.

Usually she makes us eat a lot

More than that.

- Yay!

[ Rumbling, siren blaring ]

Whoo-hoo! Yay!

Aah! Ow!

- Slamwitch!

Slamwitch!

Slamwitch!

Slamwitch!

Slamwitch!

Slamwitch!

[ Music continues ]

- Um, maybe we should go out to

Eat.

- Yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

[ Siren wailing ]

[ All shouting ]

- ♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

- ♪ Slamwitch comes

And children scream ♪

♪ Made of brains

And sour cream ♪

♪ If kids won't eat

His moldy bread ♪

♪ Then slamwitch eats you kids

Instead ♪

♪ Slamwitch comes

And you'll all cry ♪

♪ Swats f-16s from the sky

♪ Admit you crave

His pretty spinach ♪

♪ Fall and worship

Giant sandwich ♪

- ♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

- Joaquin!

We need help... Now!

- Huh?

- ♪ Schools of kids

He has ate ♪

♪ And shall obliterate

♪ The kids next door

And all their brothers ♪

- ♪ And all the misbehaving - others ♪

♪ Who won't eat

Grandma stuffum's food ♪

♪ And now themselves

Are chomped and chewed ♪

- ♪ But he who's made of skunks - and fried veal ♪

♪ And comes to make you kids

His next meal! ♪

♪ Jump inside his massive jaw

Amid the plaque

And old coleslaw ♪

- ♪ With this giant sandwich's - pair of claws ♪

♪ On kids next door he chomps

And gnaws ♪

[ Music continues ]

♪ Slamwitch!

[ Music continues ]

- [ Coughs ]

[ Rumbling ]

- [ Laughs ]

- ♪ Rotten kids

Or giant hamster ♪

♪ Slamwitch eats them all

With muenster ♪

♪ Miserable, verminous

Despicable rats ♪

♪ Will now make slamwitch

Nice and fat ♪

Slamwitch, charge!

Slamwitch, fight!

Slamwitch, eat!

Slamwitch, ooh!

♪ How dare you refuse

My tasty monster? ♪

♪ Slamwitch will destroy you

Hamster ♪

♪ Before you jump into

His gizzard ♪

♪ Have a taste

Of candied lizard ♪

♪ Slamwitch comes

And he must eat ♪

♪ He's made of cheese

And poppy seed ♪

♪ And if you crave to be

His dinner ♪

♪ Fall and worship

Slamwitch winner! ♪

Slamwitch?

Why do you twitch?

My giant sandwich!

Slamwitch!!

♪ Slamwitch!

- ♪ Joaquin!

- ♪ Slamwitch!

♪ Slamwitch!

- ♪ Joaquin!

- ♪ Slamwitch?

- ♪ Joaquin!

[ Bell rings ]

- Ugh.

I'm glad that's over.

- See you tomorrow, childrens!

We're having "scream" of

Spinach!

Ooh!

- Get a new cookbook, lady!

- [ Laughing ]

- Mmm, boy!

That turkey looks superlicious,

Mom.

- Why, thank you, hoagie.

I just hope my boss thinks so.

Boy, if I don't impress her

Tonight, I'll just lose my mind!

Aah!

Oh, what's happening?

- Relax, mom.

It's just the new 2x4 technology

Doorbell I instal...

Ow!

- Honestly, I don't know why I - let you and tommy mess around

With the wiring of my house.

- Why do I do these things to - myself?

Shame on you, betty.

Shame, shame, shame, shame!

Oh, hello, hello!

- [ Laughs ] - hmm.

- Betty.

- Hi, mrs. Gilligan!

[ Both shouting ]

- Come in. Come in.

It is so nice of you to come for

Dinner, mrs. Sanban.

- Now, betty.

You know better than to call me

Mrs. Sanban.

You will address me as madame

Head of accounting mrs. Sanban.

- [ Clears throat ]

- Ooh, yes, yes! [ Laughs ]

How stupid of me.

How stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

- [ Laughs ] - madame head of accounting

Mrs. Sanban, sir... I-i mean

Ma'am.

- I am anticipating a most

interesting dinner tonight.

- Well, of course!

[ Laughs ]

- Hi, guys!

- Hey, numbah 2!

- Hoagie!

- Aw! Hey, mushi!

- Girls! Enough bickering!

- Hey!

What's with all the racket?

Where's my food?

I've been waiting for hours.

- Oh! This is my mother, lydia.

She's going to be joining us for

Dinner since i, um, I can't get

Her to leave.

- How do you do?

- How do I do what?!

What are you, a cop?

- [ Laughs ]

Thomas! Get down here!

- I eat alone.

For I am... The tommy.

[ Thunder crashes ]

- Get down here now!

- Okay, grandma.

Okay. [ Chuckles ]

- Mom, you take our guests'

Coats while hoagie shows

Everyone into the dining room.

- Nyah! I know.

You need me to battle adult

Tyranny, right?

- No, no.

Go help your grandma.

- Help grandma?

Oh, for pete's sake.

[ Grunts ]

- Give me that dolly thingy!

- But I brought my

Posh party rainbow monkey just

For this party!

It's got real care-and-share

Sighing!

- Ahh!

- La-a-me.

- You've been waiting all week

For this party, haven't you?

- Adults can wait for a party,

So just give me the stupid doll

- So I can eat my turkey dinner - already!

- Grandma!

Remember what mom said about

Hitting the guests?

- Something about not before

Dessert or something like that.

- Oh, hello, hello!

- [ Laughs ] - don't mind me.

I'll be done in a moment.

- How uninteresting.

- [ Gasps ]

- May I have a turn with your

Posh party rainbow monkey,

Sister?

- Maybe later, mushi.

I think my head needs some

Rainbow monkey love.

- Ahh!

- Okay! I'll wait my turn.

- That's it!

- I've had enough of your constant - squabbling over that ridiculous

Rainbow monkey!

- "Rainbow monkey" this, - "rainbow monkey" that!

I rue the day your mother ever

Bought that you that infernal

Toy and shattered the

Tranquility of our happy home!

- Now, khani, give them a

Chance to play with their toy.

A chance I never had as a child.

Oh, what I would've done for a

Dolly.

[ Sobs ]

- Oh, that doll is ruining my

Dinner!

- Exiled from the

Kids next door, mine is a solo

Journey.

A never-ending quest to bring

Justice to kids worldwide!

For I am... The tommy.

- Okay, there, then.

Uh, turkey, anyone?

[ Laughs ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

Oh, I'm sorry.

But the electricity has been

Giving us problems ever since

Tommy tried to wire his



- [ Screams ]

Aah!

P-posh party rainbow monkey!

Where'd it go?

It can't be gone!

It can't!

Where is it?

- What did I say?!

I am sick and tired of this

Constant bickering!

- I told you I should've taken

That doll!

- Maybe left on its own lonely

Quest for justice.

- You're not related to me, are - you?

- This is not happening!

This is not happening!

- [ Laughs ]

Just relax, deary.

You wouldn't want a silly dolly

To ruin such a wonderful...

[ Laughs ] happy...

Fun-time party!

[ All mumbling ]

Okay, then.

Why not have the first piece of

My delicious turkey?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

- Aaaaah!

- Oh, don't tell me you're a

Vegetarian or something.

I mean, it's just a turkey.

Yah! Aah!

I'm so fired.

- Fired, schmired.

Where's the turkey?

I'm starvin' over here!

- How can you talk about food

At a time like this?

- [ Sobs ]

- That's enough!!

Somebody here is guilty of

Rainbow monkey m*rder.

And no one's leaving...

Until I discover who it is.

- Well, don't look at me!

I didn't do it!

- Or did you?

- Aah!

- [ Chuckles ]

Right. Sorry.

- Hey, how come hoagie gets to

Be detective?

- Because my kids next door

Training best qualifies me to

Get the facts.

For instance, where were you

When the lights went out?

- I... I went upstairs.

- But I had nothing to do with the - rainbow monkey.

- You're hiding something.

Spill it!

[ Sobs ]

- Hey.

This was my candy and soda, you

Rotten stinker.

You stole this from my room!

- I-i'm sorry, hoagie.

- Why'd you do it, tommy?

- I... I was...

Thirsty.

No, no, no, no, no!

I was hungry.

- That fish is three days old,

And I ain't buyin' it.

- Now, look here, boy.

- Sit down!

Sing, tommy.

- I was thirsty.

Ooh! I mean hungry.

Aah!

I mean thirsty. Aah!

I mean hungr...

Thungry! Hirsty!

- I want the truth!

- I was hungry and thirsty!

[ All gasp ]

Can't you understand?

You... Of all important.

Ooh!

- Can we please get on with

This stupid dolly investigation?

I'm hungry here!

- Hungry for revenge?

- No!

Hungry for turkey, you crazy

Munchkin.

So I want some dinner!

- Well, I want some justice.

Justice with a nice helping of

Confession on the side.

Any one of you could've done the

Deed.

Mom!

- [ Gasps ] - I heard you complain about

- The rainbow monkey ruining your - dinner party.

Forking that rainbow monkey in

The back solved that problem,

Didn't it?

- No!

Oh, I mean yes.

[ Sobs ]

I just wanted a nice dinner.

- And what about you, grandma?

You're old and mean.

- You got that right, sonny.

And I would've done it, too, if

It wasn't for my back and my

Arthritis.

- And I got this funny little - crick in my neck.

Oh, and my bunion.

- And what about you,

Mr. Sanban?

With the rainbow monkey gone,

You wouldn't have to worry about

Your daughters' constant

"Bickering."

- [ Sobs ]

I just wanted my babies to be

Nice to each other!

Is that so bad?

Is that so wrong?

[ Sobs ]

- Uh, all right.

Just, you know, lighten up,

Already.

Okay?

- Okay.

Thank you.

- And then there's you.

You were jealous of your

Daughter's dolly.

And we all know it's not a long

Trip from jealousy to forking a

Rainbow monkey in the back.

- I bought that doll for my

Daughters.

- It's theirs to do with as they - please.

- But did anyone offer me a turn - with it?

A hug?

Five minutes of rainbow monkey

Fun?

No!

Not one little, bitty

Huggy wuggy!

[ Grunts, sighs ]

But I didn't do it.

I was powdering my nose.

- I know you didn't do it.

The real culprit is...

Mushi!

- You're kidding, right?

- I don't kid.

Sometimes I say cool jokes and

Puns and stuff.

But never kid.

- But why would I do it?

Kuki said she was gonna share

The doll with me anyway!

- Maybe.

But perhaps you couldn't wait.

I mean, a posh party rainbow

Monkey is pretty special.

Special enough to grab from your

Sister when the lights went out.

- Special enough to hug all by - yourself.

But you forgot something.

The posh party rainbow monkey

Comes with care-and-share

Sighing action.

- And the second you hugged it, - the rainbow monkey tried to let

Out a big sigh.

- And that's when you realized the - only way to save yourself was

To silence it... For good!

And then you hid the poor

Rainbow monkey, hoping nobody

Would find it.

- I wouldn't do such a horrible

Thing!

I love rainbow monkeys!

I love sharing!

- Then perhaps you'd share your

Fork with me.

- Um, sure. [ Chuckles ]

I...[ Gasps ]

- Oh, mushi!

Why?!

- Because you kept hogging it!

And showing off its

Huggigaciousness!

It drove me nuts!

- Oh, mushi!

I should've shared more!

- Shared?

You don't get it, do you?

I wanted it all to myself!

[ Laughs evilly ]

- Mr. Sanban, take her away.

I have a feeling mushi is gonna

Be grounded for a long, long

Time.

- Thank you for a most

Interesting evening.

But I think we'll just go get

Ourselves some pizza tonight.

I look forward to seeing you

Monday in your new office and

Deputy subaccounts manager.

- Oh! Well [laughs] thank you,

Mrs. Madame head of accounting

Ma'am, sir, ma'am.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, thank you, mrs. Sanban!

- Oh, please, call me genki.

And as for you,

Mr. Young detective, perhaps now

You can investigate what

Happened to your mother's

Turkey.

- Maybe.

But discovering who ate a

Lemon-basted turkey with

- Cranberry stuffing... That won't - be easy.

- [ Clicks tongue ]

I don't recall your mother

Mentioning what kind of stuffing

She put in the turkey.

- Well, yeah!

I never mentioned it!

Hoagie p. Gilligan jr., What

Happened to my turkey?!

- Well, uh, y-you see...

Ooh! I-i can explain!

It was...

- You ate my turkey, you little

Sherlock holmes!

Take that!

And that! And that!

And that, too.

There's no turkey.

They have a dinner with no main

Course.

The little hageulah.

He eats all the turkey.

That's fine.

They call him numbah 2.

- He's gonna be numbah 4 in an - instant.

I'm hungry!

What can I make here?

What's she got?

She's got eggs.

I could make an omelet.

- If I wanted an omelet, I - would've gotten up and eaten at

Breakfast.

I need dinner food.

I need food for me.

- I need food for my hungry - stomach.

- I'm not sure what I want to eat, - though.

What am I craving?

A man with a job.

[ Laughs ]

Sometime I cr*ck myself up.