I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar I used to hit the bottle
but then I hit a cup
to us
to see me doing a strike
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I gotta go
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I'm glad we're sprucing up the all girl
she was getting a little tired this
place looked fine
you gay guys just aren't happy unless
you're fixing something up that's why I
like working with you Riley you're the
ultimate fixer-upper
it's your sister stop for one I bet she
wants to borrow money again please help
us Bobby needs a dialysis machine
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excuse me singer but is this Wentworth
Street no this is fault a who what no I
am Eduardo Villa Rosa Valenzuela Costa
Brava De La Hoya chimichanga as maracas
air I'm in town speaking at the
University I was told I could stay with
people of my leg listeners at a
transitional home but it seems this
house is lost
mmm I pictured it bigger I must say that
this is an exquisite paint job of that
can you say I'm not painting a fast
no it's semi-gloss latex on a
magnificent automobile geez Bromberg's
gonna pop a hemorrhoid come on in let's
go may I introduce Eduardo enchilada
delay some nerado make an explorer
activist bon vivant and man of adventure
well you see I take your name from the
Deborah Holden she says I will stay here
for the short time before I return to
Brazil Brazil the country
no the nut I work there now to saving
the rainforest I can sleep on a couch on
the floor on anyone the rainforest
that's awesome yeah unfortunately we
just had all the guest rooms fumigated
they're all still pretty boys in us I'm
sure we can find something for our
guests hey I got it
he likes the outdoors how about the
gardening shed very roomy smell of
fresh-cut grass he's gonna stay in your
room
santa maria how foolish i have had a
miss placement of my key now i shall
never get it open if i may be of some
assistance hey I'm in deep gratefulness
to you Lefty what a talent you possess
look at all these places you've been
I've travelled to help those in need
endangered animals in the jungle African
tribes without freshwater teenagers in
the valley without a shopping mall how
inspiring how I can hear the musky scent
of your g*ns and water buffalo released
from the a**l glands during mating it
drives the females logo
may I please it is yours
great I'm gonna try this out laser you
smell like a water buffalos ass it works
Shakespeare Milton Hemingway all this
culture of may I borrow one I'll turn
the pages with my nose
absolutely lefty you can hold my Dickens
as long as it pleases you and that is
how we save the Andalusian mountain yak
is there anything you haven't done
hahaha you embarrass Eduardo
yes I've rescued sea turtles article
cause brought medicine to the third
world helped repair the ozone layer
preserve the polar ice cap but it is
nothing really lookie look look notice
anything different you plucked your nose
hairs you shaved your legs you're
straight you've got a new watch what's
wrong what I heard a ticket smile and
unusually tick isn't it gorgeous it just
arrived
my favorite auntie Bruce left it to me
in these will blesses fruity old heart
it tells when its flaming time or aging
time a very sophisticated piece probably
San Francisco in origin
see you tomorrow come on it's just an
old fairies watch hey remember when
Grizz ate my watch and when it came out
a couple days later it was still ticking
but covered in that's a beautiful
timepiece you are wearing
just a symbol of much happiness and
mucho sorrow Oh does it have to do with
why you're in that wheelchair see very
perceptive of you my singer Rita you
don't have to talk about it Edwina it
sounds too painful you know when I first
got my happen like these I were up the
coast of Argentina with my fiance to
protest the heart booming of sperm
whales I knew the only way is to put
myself between the whales and the
Whalers they rushed
we will catch difficult unforgiveness of
the ocean the air I breathe the for
tangles these a now the need an out in
and out of consciousness excuse me is
there any other pilot all symbols until
a family of dolphins sensing my distress
they swim back to shore when I awoke I
was paralyzed and I had a terrible
headache and my fiance alas she was
never heard from again
all I have left is the tick-tick-ticking
of her watch a gentle reminder of our
courageous heart b*ating beneath her
soft ample bosom how tragic
how beautiful to lose your arms and legs
for such a noble cause
just like you Riley except you were
drunk and got hit by a car
oh come on that is such a load of menudo
what the crock right guys
[Applause]
I've never been so embarrassed if I
weren't so tired I'd popped my
toothbrush and head for the Rockies you
don't buy Eduardo his garbage do you
come on and did you see the way he was
staring at your boobs I thought he was
staring at my breasts very politely
let's just forget it okay
please sugar melons the Candy Man is
here you're rude you have no manners and
you're a bore I've always been those
things why are you so down on me now
Eduardo is a guest in our country why
can't you be more considerate he
certainly would be you're such a sucker
for any quad weekend accent he's bad
news I'm telling you you're overreacting
what could he possibly do I knew it
Eduardo stole Spaulding's watch let's
drag his crippled ass out of bed don't
be so juvenile why would he want another
watch oh you don't understand deviant
thinkers I do I used to be one oh the
new key window is closed for the evening
I'm going home and I want you to
apologize to Eduardo over my [ __ ]
dead body
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daddy Freddy
then I want my room back but Eduardo has
my room where am I supposed to sleep
look at all the newly deceased joyfully
going to his loving embrace until they
slipped once and are sentenced to
eternal suffering but all these fresh
souls are being there eight across town
yo Our Lady of the perpetually cranky
that's a nice church our beautiful
cemetery is full
not a single mildew a plot lift do you
know how much revenue those plots
generate money we could spend doing
God's work forcing our beliefs down the
throats of others we must expand too bad
your neighbors won't sell that
black-hearted
[ __ ] is standing in the way of divine
work we must drive them up
yes sizzler I'm telling you he's a thief
and a m*rder*r I've ever heard him
plotting to k*ll you I'm kidding
God you strike like so paranoid this
will give you more power but the turbo
booster is broken so don't touch the red
switch yeah yeah it sounds fine to me
Spaulding you left the watch on top of
the fridge right I didn't want to get it
wet when I was doing the dishes well
that proves Eduardo isn't a quad because
he'd have to climb up on the fridge to
get it or he is a quad and therefore
could have done it why must you insist
on seeing the good in people
wow it's a happy couple where have you
two been Eduardo took me to the phallic
totem exhibit oh it was so exciting I
imagine with all the cultural exhibits
and displays Oh No
there was a vice raid everybody was
arrested and the displays were
confiscated no Riley don't you want to
apologize to Eduardo apologize are you
kidding elegy accept it perhaps you feel
unworthy for their Lovings of this
beautiful creature listen big mundo I
think it's time we settled a few things
just you and me you are a challenging
one man Oh
a man Oh wheelchair to wheelchair a race
at the end of the block and back
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God wants to enlist you as a spiritual
soldier in his army are you ready to
strap on the combat boots in his name
gee I'm really swamped at the job in in
my kid on Judgment Day should we say you
were too busy to do the Lord's work and
with the piano lessons and all now you
don't have to worry about those do you
my son
we have much loving pain to inflict
yeah it hate forgetting an accident can
get paralyzed nevermind a fiver on the
foreigner all I got is a dollar I'm
betting on right I'll hold the dive the
hell you will
another step and I cut your pansy-ass
on your buck get set
oh you slipped me the tongue did not
excuse me did we not discuss the red
button I distinctly remember saying
don't touch the red button
you and your stupid ego you could have
been k*lled
Wow
50,000 smackers keep telling me how
stupid I am Frannie yeah quite the
arrangement you and Bromberg have you
keep getting hit by his car and he keeps
giving your money I will go in I hear
people I do not want to cause a trouble
with you and your friends
[Applause]
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who doesn't know what he's saying
Jessie does he is protecting his
magnificent woman and he's right but if
I could I will steal you away into the
night with me
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you
Oh Riley I found a sandwich in the couch
here want some Grizz I need your help
that guy's no good
he stole the watch he's trying to steal
Frannie and I'm sure he can walk
plus he ate the last potato at dinner
last night
you get nan nutty there's a case of beer
in it for you
well no what is it Jackie one and a
ready Eduardo there's a phone call for
you
Eduardo he's done it see I told you he
can walk I'm such a goose it was behind
the fridge the halter oh come on
stand up crepes his whole lip came off
Lord guide your holy vermin in their
work so we might ask the m*nled sinners
sister what if it's God's will that they
stay in the house have you been speaking
to God behind my back no they just
thought you're a Catholic we don't think
we just guess what God wants and we do
it now I've sold 50 plots and we need
some space you better start praying
Liz don't you think this is overkill I'm
just visiting my sister in the suburbs
I'm protecting us from those less
fortunate than us which is everyone
really the poor can be so needy have to
get too close we might have to take a
few down what now it wasn't the secret
of the souffle is a light torch
bring me the pan my diva go she is done
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no silence is key the souffle
she hears every word and she disapproves
she is rising Oh
my souffle is rising hmm ladies and
gentlemen we present a recipe served to
Queen Isabella in the 15th century Hey
Spalding knows Queens in every century
souffle dead wardo
[Music]
smell like some big-ass rats
what in the hairball
oh my god is everyone okay yeah yeah
we're all here except Eduardo and the
Lord said let there be rats and so there
were disease-carrying rodents his
messengers of victory that for practice
Eduardo he didn't make it may I remind
you it was his furry souffle in the
first place I learned this in India let
me guess from Gandhi you know okay as
long as I continue playing this is our
chance
grab that flu put the rats it'll make
him jump out of the chair proving he can
walk
come on Eduardo stand up let's see you
run he's good he won't cr*ck no matter
what you won't learn will you even after
he saved us from the rats you won't
learn
[Music]
well he's leaving but everybody's pretty
mad at you yeah they'll be okay I don't
know this time I still don't believe
that guy get your tools we need to make
one more modification to my chair
wardo listen I want to apologize I was
wrong
thank you but did his best I go let me
help you with that nice stuff maybe
sitting it for the Bromberg's
Bravo you find me out haha so none of
that stuff was true
you can walk no I am required oh well
then you're not Spanish no hi I'm Rudy
from Spain tell you what I'll keep going
you stop me when I'm right I traveled
the world collecting donations from
wealthy patrons sometimes I make a few
collections on my own that's smooth
talking bastard why didn't you take any
of our stuff you have nothing of value
except Frannie she's a real woman oh how
sweet
she's a nun trusting a man as I have
ever met thank you your skills would
serve me well come with me
leave these lowlifes behind together we
will travel the world the world the most
beautiful places stealing from the rich
occasionally from the poor and life of
glamour of wine of women afar and
freedom wine women glamour fun freedom
stealing hey the cameras getting fuzzy
yeah like someone's putting their thumb
over it so we'd split all our expenses
and explain that wine woman in song part
again so Riley was right lowlife losers
must of the water buffalo stretch her
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Edoardo
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I'm calling the police there might not
be time is there any amm*nit*on left I
was wrong Riley I'm sorry he even has
the nerve to send us this postcard from
somewhere in the South of France you
know I feel sorry for him having to live
like this yeah you're not telling me
you'd like this life of course not don't
be absurd but maybe for a couple of
weeks yes he works in mysterious ways
the rats failed the expansion must
continue that's it
stack them up right make lots of room
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