I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar I used to hit the bottle
but then I hit a cup
money to us
to see me guna strike my
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from the store
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oh yeah you're leaving boogers on the
wall scabs everywhere that's a lie
and this morning somebody took a leak in
my closet
No hey Mouse all your bedroom is next to
the bathroom my favorite sweater soaked
I almost didn't wear it you know what
I'm sick of Riley's tire tracks
everywhere
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hey you're blaming the wrong guy those
are Blazers a skateboard tracks are
nothing like wheelchair tracks any idiot
knows that you calling me an idiot if
the wheelchair hits sorry times up hey
come on I just got started I got our
week's worth of bitching we have to end
early today I'm doing a project that
requires extra work
what could possibly require more work
than us honey do you know we're just a
minute I'm almost finished
okay 1 million 49 1 million 50 oh sorry
Doodlebug do you know where the MSG is
delicious sprinkled on a donut oh honey
have you looked in the mirror lately
you're getting just a smidge that I'm
okay with fat I look good carrying a few
extra pounds you won't be happy until
you're down to your birth weight because
thin is in you can't be too rich too
thin aren't you Bromberg you think I
should cut down to one bushel of donuts
a day I think you need to start
exercising exercise I'm in the peak of
physical God you're having a heart
att*ck first let's make sure your life
insurance is in order
I'm doing my thesis in medical research
you mean you go to school to learn this
garbage blazer your manners oh sorry I
mean you go to school to learn this
garbage would you gentlemen be
interested in helping your fellow man
I'm certainly not you fellows not me
sorry no way I need volunteers to test
some new surgical procedures would you
look at the time gotta go by
experimental dr*gs and there's payment
involved hey to take dr*gs my lifelong
dream
you'd be providing invaluable insight
into new medical technologies how
exciting
tell us about the money in the dr*gs
good I nya back from your morning jog
just leaving hard to get into these
shorts doing a bit of work on the old
board a what itsy-bitsy little heart
att*ck and my doctor says I've got to
get into shape I don't know how I'm
never gonna do this well you have two
things I'm good at getting rid of fat
and money I suppose I could work you out
every day no no the wife and I really
don't approve of your lifestyle because
I'm gay because you're Australian I
can't help it I was born this way even
as a child I knew I was Australian but
underneath where people just like you
thanks for the offer but there's a
saying in this country not on your life
ozzie fruit boy hmm tell you what if you
don't lose weight hmm don't pay now
you're speaking brumberg okay I'll need
blood semen urine and stool samples
Riley
give her your underwear and you need to
answer a few routine questions before we
get started are you now or have you ever
been a heavy drinker yes
have you ever abused narcotics yes
prescription uh-huh or otherwise little
bit.you has suffered from hypertension
yes heart disease
yes tyroid yes ear mites yes yes deer
ticks right chlamydia
yes that's it yes spot on this will get
your ticket talking I used to ride a lot
as a kid GP some a**l leakage yes gentle
herpes yes thank God yes jock itch yes
shingles yes come on let's go time's
a-wasting I feel like a fool
nonsense you've got to get comfortable
with your own body now repeat I am Mort
Bromberg stud muffin I am Mort Bromberg
stud muffin excellent
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the way
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syphilis yes
ringworm yes bubonic plague yes jaundice
yes malaria yes ed Haley flatulence yes
yes Oh excellent you all pass let the
experiments begin and this is gonna make
my hair grow in thicker this formula was
devised by the finest Swiss scientist
that smells terrible fertilizer from the
finest swiss cows
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I'm ready to do my part in saving
mankind Bravo lefty this could help
solve perhaps the most pressing health
issue known to civilization cancer Oh
indigestion
indigestion the intestinal nightmare
that plagues every man woman and child
on the planet maybe one day when people
burp they'll see your face my face in
every burp
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thanks laughter yes let's get started
oh we've got work to do this is
Aristotle genetically-modified has an IQ
of a hundred and forty eight and speaks
five dialects of rat we've spent
millions on him hmm
now font eight ways be a wantin to test
your senses again dizzy here little
ready
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my stomach feels great excellent
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it tastes like mountain spring water
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okay now that I felt what the hell so
greasy
it's a lotion to protect you against
frostbite I don't have frostbite you're
right that's too long let's speed things
up let's see how well it worked on your
extremity good normal circulation in the
fingers
who knows seems a little okay everybody
here are your checks like I promised
lefty take Fontaine's he's still busy
damn maize I never get out bad even
sound good
my goodness a hundred bucks
Wow is there something funny going on I
only got 50 left he got a little more
because his was more dangerous this is
more dangerous my nose is about to fall
off and I got head lice somebody gets us
bugs
remember we put a lot of hot things in
lefty and they're gonna burn coming out
ouch Oh where's the bathroom over there
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are you coming to bed soon in a minute
love finger I just want to master this
step to hell oh no I couldn't
yes I'm committed to getting in shape
okay I'll be right down
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so if we step up the risk you step up
the box certainly the more hazard is the
experiment to higher the P then bring it
on doll face sure let's do why MA sorry
guys I can't let you do it the next
experiments are just too dangerous Oh
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although it looks like we have a cup
I can't afford to lose any more body
parts you need to sign these waivers
saying you understand the risk how
dangerous are these tests even if
something went wrong it's very doubtful
you'd be hurt more likely they caused a
slow painful death okay
initial the back to I'm going to be
stimulating your medulla oblongata to
increase your dexterity
it hurts Oh aren't you going stop no I
just wanted to know if it hurt
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okay wake up yeah James we should have
called you they volunteered for more
experiments are you okay you look
terrible hangover I'm dying
this is your lucky day we've got a new
treatment for hangovers we set these
guinea pigs 100 through scotch look at
them
me try see that yellowish liquid that's
lefties specimen it's it's the pills
beside it
okay lefty let's give it a go nicely
done
it's working I have total sensitivity
and try some actual physical contact now
scratch his ears oh I can do better than
that
excellent Lefty except he had a tail
does he gonna be hell for size and all
the blind is making your ears real sharp
like
oh well the noise and always make mr.
box a little queasy
he was just gettin ready to beauty
fantastic subject hears flatulence
before it occurs we're going to send
electrical impulses to your nerve
endings generating a muscle response
yeah listen anyway to generate a TV
around here I'm getting implantation
went smoothly now we accelerate the
growth process and soon you'll have a
new body the old blazer with a new body
heaven help the world maybe you and I
can go stir up some trouble because I
can walk hey hey watch this I scratch my
nose it's going to take some practice
let's see how the germination is coming
Oh
not exactly what I was thinking but
better than nothing I can't wait to bath
time
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hmmm that's not a bad idea I kind of
feel like sprucing up meself hell even
if it's not a leap year I'm gonna change
my shirt
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don't worry this doctors one of a top
heart men in the country and maybe I can
convince him to do a little cosmetic
work while we're at it oh hey the growth
process should be complete hello a
little mix-up I think there's an actress
somewhere who's got a lot of hair on her
chest well aren't you a curvy little
minx
we're gonna have some fun tonight my
little Chiquita hey hey somebody tell me
to go play with myself
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way to go hey guys the doctor is in we'd
like to present you with a small token
of our esteem dr. Gordon I take a little
bubbly is in order
perhaps some dumb Monty
everybody down I can't take um excuse me
dr. golden I think he's experiencing
some side effects he ain't the only one
the accelerated growth process the same
and dancin make it stop
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sorted out quick doll pick out a plow
full of bowling balls
I must admit Mort I didn't approve of
your exercise program but you look
wonderful now I haven't been this turned
on since our stock fund split three two
one
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I'm going to do something about this
I'm going shopping for a black dress I
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have never been more humiliated oh yeah
what about the time you passed out naked
from the ladies room with that dog'll I
can't believe I did this to Debbie's
diploma we really let her down step four
is and then pill really turned him into
a into a gentleman just like me working
on their guinea pigs geez look at them
now hold your horses I'm coming
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