05x12 - Mess With Me, I Mess With You

[bunniefuu]

It's like a garden!

Heidi and Spencer were ready

to start their married lives together.

- Let's look at the nursery. - Excuse me?

But of course, Spencer took it upon himself to find a house.

This is just so cold and modern

and, like, the last thing I wanted.

Hey!

I went to Heidi and Spencer's welcome home party.

Oh, my god!

But some of us didn't feel very welcomed.

- How are you? - Long time no see.

All I did was say hi to Justin

and Audrina and herfriends jumped all over me.

Okay, I'm sorry that I walked up here

and was saying hi to my friends, and you guys came at me

like * * *ing piranhas.

I'll admit, Justin and I definitely had some chemistry.

I did think twice about coming here, I have to tell you that.

- Did you? - Yeah.

But before things went any further

I knew I should try totalk to Audrina face-to-face.

Like, what are you guys even gonna talk about?

- I mean, I don't know. - I don't know. I-I don't know.

She started that drama.

I think you're the only person I haven't gotten, like

in a fight with when I first met.

Really?

That would be pretty sad though.

If we got in a fight?

Yeah, because we're two, like, kind of b*tches.

- It would be a bad fight. - It'd be a freaking hair fight.

Seriously, I mean, at some point

it's, like, Audrina and I need to talk, I guess.

- Why? - Well...

I did have, uh, drinks with Justin.

But the whole reason I went was

to tell him that we had to just remain friends.

Yeah, he was, like, he offered to take me on his motorcycle.

Can you imagine?

Then Audrina would be really pissed.

It's like, "Audrina, if you want to sit down

and be adults about it, and figure it out, I will."

- So, I don't know. - That's all you can do.

Yeah.

♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ So give me something to say ♪

♪ I had the words but then I threw 'em away ♪

♪ And you know there's always something more ♪

♪ Than just the simple life ♪

♪ Nah nah nah nah ♪

♪ Nah nah nah nah... ♪♪

This would be cute on you.

That, like, really soft.

You always have soft clothes on.

Guess who I got a text from.

Kristin texted me and wants to go to lunch.

But maybe she wants to apologize. I'm sure she does.

But then again, what the hell is Justin's deal?

Justin's doing it to piss me off.

- Justin's a douche. - Pretty much.

Well, are they hooking up now? Did they hook up yet?

Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe they didn't.

I don't think you should trust her, like--

No, I don't trust her.

I mean, Lauren basically told us

like, she's a man-eater.

She's a boyfriend stealer.

- Bad seed? - Yeah.

- Rotten to the core? - Yeah.

Well, are you gonna have lunch with her?

- No. - Dude.

♪ In time anyway ♪

♪ S-O-S to loneliness ♪

♪ I got three whole years ♪

♪ To sit on this ♪

♪ Still I wait in line ♪

♪ Say it's not my time ♪

♪ No it's not my time ♪

♪ Get it up ♪

♪ Get it and get it to go... ♪♪

[knock at door]

Welcome to our humble abode.

"Humble abode?"

Hello.

Mansion in the mountains.

- Yeah. - Oh, my god!

'I'm getting used to it.'

You can actually, like, reach to the Hollywood sign.

Yeah, at first, I didn't really like it

but now I'm starting to adjust.

Get my things around, you know?

This is a party house. It's got windows everywhere.

That's what I said. It's such a bachelor pad.

Windows equal party? Windows equal view of California.

It's not very kid-proof, if you know what I mean.

You cannot have a kid in this house.

- That's why I picked it. - 'Oh, my god.'

You guys are the most immature married couple I've ever seen.

[Spencer] 'That's why I tell her I can't have a kid.'

- That's why I need a kid. - 'Yes, I know.'

- To mature him. - 'No, no, no.'

'Cause that's, like, a really common mistake.

Like, when relationships are bad

'people, like, think kids will make them better.'

This is Stephanie's smartest statement right here.

Stephanie, I'm impressed.

Buy me a house, and thank me for that.

[Heidi] So we have a great relationship.

We just need to add more to help him grow as a man.

Puppies, cats, dogs.

'He needs to be, like, outside of himself.'

You know, like, to put love into something else.

No, I'll meditate, and I'll go spiritually to somewhere--

I think you should, 'cause then you'll really realize

what's important.

[chuckles]

♪ Hello drama hello drama ♪

♪ Hello drama hello ♪

♪ I don't want it ♪

♪ But I got to have it ♪

♪ More than I know ♪

♪ Hello drama hello drama ♪

♪ Hello drama hello ♪

♪ I don't want it ♪

♪ But I got to have it ♪

♪ More than I know... ♪♪

Is this the blonde girl I'm looking for?

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you?

- So what happened? - Thanks for meeting me.

So, supposed to meet Audrina

for lunch, and she just didn't show up.

This is the first time I've gotten blown off.

I, uh, I'm actually really surprised

that you called me.

Yeah.

But I know how hard it can be

when you reach out to somebody and it's not reciprocated.

It's just stupid.

I'm really bummed that she didn't come

but I don't know if she thinks that something's

going on with Justin Bobby and I or what.

- Well, is there? - 'I'll be honest with you.'

I met him, um, to have a drink with him

to tell him that this is not going anywhere.

Like, we're just gonna be friends and he...

Think he was, like, flirting with you?

Honestly, it was, the conversation

was just getting to know each other.

But at the same time, Justin has never asked me out

for drinks just to get to know each other.

Well...

[laughs] Ah, I don't know.

I mean, we both were flirting with each other.

Honestly, you know, I don't know the history of them.

And so he told me that

they were never a couple, they were never exclusive

'and he was always really honest with her about that.'

I just think it's all very unfair.

I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of hurt in this situation.

Like, I put myself out here.

I tried to, you know, talk to her about it.

'And she didn't show up.'

'I probably should just go for Justin.'

I, if you mess with me, I mess with you.

♪ I'm the devil in disguise ♪♪

♪ She took a big fall finally got a high roll ♪

♪ Tryin' to get her heart back turning it around ♪

♪ Like she's never done before ♪

♪ Finally made an impact ♪

♪ She could hear him calling... ♪♪

[Audrina] Oh, wait, what about this?

- I love fringe. - Would you?

I don't think that'll look good.

'I think if it's short enough'

it could be cute.

So I had lunch with Kristin the other day

and she told me that you were supposed to go.

She actually went and waited thinking I was gonna show up?

- Yeah. - Wow.

Yeah. So what happened to you?

I just don't feel like I have anything to say to her

and I didn't wanna go to lunch with her, so I just didn't go.

Audrina, she probably wanted to apologize, no?

[Lo] Well, she seemed sincere

in like, wanting to apologize to you

but she, like, comes off with such an attitude

when she does it, that it's hard to believe it.

I'm not ready to talk to her.

I'm not ready to be her friend right now.

She goes, "Audrina didn't come to this lunch. Whatever.

Like, I'm gonna do whatever I want."

'And she had already gone out with him.'

Isn't that, like, girl code, if you want to be friends

with somebody, don't go out with their ex.

Super arrogant.

Wait, I need black clothes.

- For what? - Playhouse.

Isn't it the grand opening, or something?

That's fun. Who all's going?

You guys with me. Come on, I'm single.

- 'We're going to see a band.' - What?

Epic has a new band, Vedera

and the showcase is tonight.

- Come to the band. - 'Come and hang out.'

Well, what's, what does the band look like?

- It's a chick. - It's a chick.

- It's a girl singer. - Forget that.

- They're really good, though. - Whatever.

- 'Whatever.' - You guys suck right now.

♪ This is the day you turn around ♪

♪ See your mistake you'll be wishing ♪

♪ You never walked away I've been waiting so long ♪

♪ For this day ♪

♪ Whoa ♪♪

Almost ready? The movie is playing in an hour.

Hello, hello.

- Oh. - Hi.

Heidi, meet our neighbors.

- Hello. how are you? - How are you?

- Ryan, good to see you. - Hi, I'm Heidi.

- Spencer, pleasure. - Hi, nice to meet you.

- Come on in. - Cool. How do you like it?

- Really grown to like it. - 'Do we know this...'

'Sorry to interrupt. Do we know this little guy here?'

- Oh, it's my nephew. - Oh.

Yeah, this is Enzo, our nephew.

- Hi. - Say hi, Enzo.

- He lives with us next door. - Oh, great.

I'm kind of sweaty now.

[laughter]

We like to call him Chatty Cathy.

- I love chatting. - Want to see me play?

- Yeah. - Shh.

- One. - 'Are you married?'

- Not yet. - No. Engaged.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

So if you guys go out of town I'd love to babysit.

- Yeah. - Thank you so much.

Do you have video games?

- He has every kind of game. - Nah.

- Nintendo-- - Don't say that to him.

Can Spender go to play video games with me?

I love my new nickname. "Spender."

When-when I do this, I can see nothing.

It's black everywhere.

[laughter]

- Let's go, Enzo. - It's so nice to meet you.

- It was beyond a pleasure. - Nice to meet you.

- Okay, have a good night. - See you guys.

- Thank you. - Yeah, good luck getting...

- Good luck with those kids. - Whee! Whee!

- Okay. - Kids love him.

- Bye-bye. - Say bye.

Spender?

I cannot even believe what a nice, perfect couple they are.

Heidi, like, I'm starting to look at you

and I'm not even seeing the girl I married.

- You're so crazy. - What do you mean?

Why would I wanna hang out with a six-year-old kid?

To help somebody else out.

Please don't ever volunteer me to babysit ever again.

Thank you. Love you.

You're not welcome.

♪ This life is taking it to me ♪

♪ My heart is letting me down ♪

♪ This life is taking it to me... ♪♪

The band should be here any minute here with Chiara.

Yeah, I'm so excited.

Oh, they're gonna, they're amazing.

- Hi! - Hi.

- Oh, hello. - You guys, this is Vedera.

- I haven't seen you in so long. - How are you?

- Good to see you. - Hi, Audrina.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi, Lo.

Just talk about for one second

how excited we are that the album's coming out.

This is gonna be amazing.

- I love all your lyrics. - Really?

Like, you can relate to all of them, you know?

Relationships and all that.

We're just really excited for this opportunity.

There's a lot of people out there so far.

- 'Are there? Did you check?' - Yeah.

♪ She's a girl I can meet smile like you all can see ♪

♪ She'll do what she want but she won't ♪

♪ Get it get it get it get it get it... ♪♪

[laughing]

Oh! Look who came together!

- 'Oh!' - 'Oh!'

'Oh!'

What's up, guys?

We're talking about how you've transformed.

She's transforming you.

He looks good.

I can't stand her.

- Tequila. Let's go. - You wanna go to the bar?

- Yeah, * * * this. - Alright, let's go.

Yeah, let's go.

Bye.

Thank you.

Trying to get to know everyone, and it just...

I'm feeling everyone out, you know?

- What do you think about me? - Are you fishing?

- Fishing for compliments? - No, not even.

I mean, from girls I didn't hear anything good about you.

Wow, really?

But Brody and everyone say how great of a guy you are.

And after having a drink with you

I thought I was really impressed with you.

I thought you were a good guy.

♪ Then you'll be the one to choose ♪

♪ Put your hands up ♪

♪ Let's get this party moving ♪

♪ We can never stop ♪

♪ Come on let's dance all night long... ♪

[Audrina] 'Everyone's had drinks. They're standing around.'

They're ready to see some action, yeah.

'Everyone's ready for you guys.'

- Okay, let's go. - Let's go.

[applause]

["A World Apart" by Vedera]

- Very excited. - I know.

Hey, we should get more up there, right?

- 'So we can see them.' - 'I want to go over there.'

I know.

♪ You oh oh oh ♪

♪ Have opened up the heart in me ♪

♪ Taken the shadows ♪

♪ And replaced them with your face ♪

♪ And you oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Have opened up the part of me ♪

♪ Saying please don't leave me here... ♪♪

Alright.

Yeah.

♪ If there was a way ♪

♪ To try and make it back ♪

♪ Back to where we started from ♪

♪ Could I find a way ♪

♪ To try and make you stay ♪

♪ Would I know what could be done ♪

♪ Is there anything left in this world ♪

♪ That will satisfy me ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Is there anything left in this world ♪

♪ That will satisfy me ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh whoa ♪

♪ Is there anything left in this world ♪

♪ That will satisfy you tonight ♪♪

[rock song]

[Heidi] 'Hey, Enzo?'

- Yes? - 'Do you want some snacks?'

Okay. I like cookies.

Oh, you're so good at the tennis.

Whoa!

Whoa! Superfast again!

Hi, honey.

- Say, "Hi, Spencer." - "Hi, Spencer."

Do you know that I, that I just threw the ball superfast?

[Heidi] 'Yeah, whoo! Go, Enzo.'

Are you, are you kidding me right now?

Move, Spencer. Move aside. You're blocking his game.

- Whoops. Sorry. - 'Uh-oh.'

You got your miss.

Heidi, are you gonna pay for this

when he drops that and breaks that thing?

Spencer, take a chill pill.

'What?'

Enzo, come with me, buddy.

This isn't your house, Enzo.

- Your mommy wants you. - 'No.'

- One more point, then I... - One more, Spencer.

'One more point, and I win!'

Yeah, go, Enzo!

'I think you're better than Spencer'

and that's why he's upset.

Oh. I'm sorry, Enzo, but I've had a long day.

Don't you dare do that.

- Uh-oh, sorry, Enzo. - 'Stop it.'

- Oh. - Spencer!

Come on, Enzo. We got to go next door.

'I got to talk to my wife.'

Here's your cookies compliments of the free babysitters.

- I'll see you later, Enzo. - No, you won't, Enzo.

Say, "Bye-bye forever, Heidi."

- Bye. Forever? - Forever.

- Stop it. Stop it. - He said, "Forever."

- Alright, I got-- - Oh, if it isn't Mr. Grinch.

- Thanks for ruining my day. - Thank you for ruining my day.

He's so cute, like, something is wrong with you

if you don't think he's that cute.

Well, that's why I'm not a parent.

- That's why I don't have a kid. - 'Well, you would learn.'

I'm not supposed to be around kids.

I can barely be around adults.

How am I supposed to be hanging out with kids?

He's already gone, so I don't know

what you're still complaining about.

I don't know why you're freaking out so badly.

Imagine if I did exactly what you asked me not to.

- You do, all the time. - No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

♪ So get out of my life ♪

♪ Out of my way ♪

♪ I don't care what you say ♪

♪ I've been losing this fight... ♪♪

How was the Vedera showcase?

It was so good. How was Playhouse?

Insane.

'There was, like, acrobats and stuff'

and they were, like, in these little leotards.

It got really crazy.

Um...

I don't know how to tell you this.

Do I wanna know?

I saw...

...Justin and Kristin making out.

- 'You okay?' - Yeah.

I had the worst anxiety last night at that show.

Like, it's, I don't know.

I can't picture them making out.

It's just...

I mean, I feel like he's such a different person now.

- Like... - Like what?

Just, like, making out in a club.

PDA.

But Kristin's just down for a good time.

- She's just, like... - That sucks.

But if she does really like him, like, he's playing her.

But she can figure it out on her own.

[rock music]

- Oh, thank you. - 'Oh, fo' shizzle.'

[chuckles]

Did you hear her? She goes, "Oh, fo' shizzle."

- Did she really? - Yeah.

I love that girl.

- Today was fun. - Yeah, did you have fun?

Now, I get the whole motorcycle thing.

- Do you? Really? - It's hot.

I get it. I like it.

Do I get my own helmet now?

No way!

I got to save that in case Audrina wants it back.

Pfft.

You're a dork.

- All games, all games with you. - No, it's like--

It's all games.

[chuckles]

I'm a game player, and you're a liar.

I'm not a liar. How did I lie?

"We're only gonna be friends."

I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."

I had to.

Oh, yeah? You had to?

No, but I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Obviously, look what it kind of did, you know?

I mean, if you guys ended up meeting up and hitting it off...

This probably would never have happened.

Nah, it still would have.

[scoffs]

[both chuckle]

You still would have been all smoochy on me at the Playhouse.

- Me? - Yeah.

Yeah, right.

You were all over me. You wouldn't leave my side.

You're like, slow dance with me.

- Oh, God. - Kiss me goodbye.

Shut up.

You love me.

[laughter]

So what happens from here on out?

What do you mean?

- What happens now? - I don't know.

I kind of like it, though.

You realize...

...we're gonna get more and more...

...accusations.

- I don't care if you don't. - I don't care.

Alright.

- I just wanna have a good time. - There you go.

- Just hanging out. - I can do that.

- Alright. - Done.

- I like it. - Ready?

Yeah.

You good?

♪ I close my eyes real tight ♪

♪ I still can't ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ Till I found my place ♪

♪ Wake up to the sound ♪

♪ And I cry sometimes ♪

♪ Wish that I could ♪

♪ Get away from this ♪♪